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tv   BBC Ouch  BBC News  September 8, 2019 9:30pm-10:01pm BST

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this is bbc world news. the headlines: peace negotiations between the taliban and the united states have been called off. president trump has blamed a deadly attack in kabul, which killed a us soldier amongst others. the taliban said america had most to lose from cancelling the talks. thousands are evacuated from islands in the bahamas devastated by hurricane dorian. tens of thousands of people are homeless, and officials believe hundreds of bodies are yet to be found. a senior member of the british government has resigned over brexit — saying not enough is being done to get a deal with the eu. amber rudd also claimed
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the recent expulsion of 21 mps from her party was "an act of political vandalism.". it's been a summer of astonishing moments for england cricket, but australia secured the ashes at old trafford — in a 185—run victory — with one more test to play. at ten o'clock, mishal hussain will be here with a full round—up of the day's news. but first — blind comedian chris mccausland hosts the second part of a comedy and storytelling show featuring funny and fascinating stories told by disabled people and those with mental health difficulties. this programme contains discussion of some adult subjects.
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ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host for tonight... chris mccausland! applause hello, ladies and gentlemen! welcome to ouch: storytelling live at the edinburgh festival fringe! cheering and applause ijust turned 42, just a month ago. i am enjoying being in my 40s, if i'm honest, i feel good for it. i don't do birthday parties though. i didn't even have a aoth. my mates, they took me to see guns ‘n‘ roses live, or so they told me anyway. we could have just gone to their houses and put the live album on, couldn't we — charge me six quid a pint
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for three hours. "not as busy as you would have thought, this guns ‘n‘ roses concert, is it chris? not as popular as they were? you enjoying yourself?" yeah mate, it sounds a bit weird, there's a cat, but never mind. we have go a series of storytellers today who each have a disability or a mental health difficulty. some of these guys have never been on stage before. the theme this year is "lost and found" and we have let the guys interpret that however they want to. the only criteria is that the stories are all true. so guys, let me ask you, are you ready for your first storyteller of the show? crowd: yes! what i want is a lot of love, support for reece finnegan! cheering and applause hello. ifeel like being lost and getting lost is pretty integral to being a blind person. i'm 23 now, i have been blind all my life.
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the story i'm telling today is about when i got lost in my brand—new boss's house. this was last year, it is a saturday morning and i wake up a little bit hung over, i have, iam all by myself and i have a dead phone and none of my other possessions. so all i can rememberfrom the night before is that i had been out for some drinks with some new colleagues after work. after a couple of bars, one of them, jay, who happened to be the boss's son, invited a couple of us back to his house in kensington for some after drinks. about nine hours later i wake up in this random place with no idea where i am and no sign of my colleagues anywhere. this house was huge, it was a mansion. four floors and tons of rooms, really hard to navigate. believe me, when you are visually impaired, trying to get out of a disabled toilet without feeling up the changing table is hard enough, so this was a massive struggle. i am in a rush because i'm trying
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to get home for my little nephew's birthday, so i get out of bed and i come to the first door which happens to be an ensuite toilet. i'm there for five or ten minutes, and then i hear suddenly there's a voice coming from close by, this unfamiliar female voice, saying "hey reece, it's jay's mum, jay told me you are saying and ijust wanted to see if you are ok, if you needed anything, because i am flying off to la in five minutes." so the advice in this situation for a blind person is that if you are offered help you should probably take it when it is offered, because you don't know when it will be offered again. i didn't do that, i was so shocked and awkward to hear someone close by when i thought i was casually on the toilet, that all i could do was just squeak back "no, i am fine thank you, iam good." to make matters worse when i stood up and pulled my trousers up, i was feeling around for a sink and i found another door
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to the bathroom, a door which had been open the entire time, and a door which jay's mum had been standing in while she was talking to me. so not only was this not an ensuite toilet, my new mate's mum had just been talking to me with my pants down on the toilet. i don't even think she had business in la, i think she was just flying there to escape the unbearable awkwardness of the situation. still love that. so dignity at an all—time high obviously, i thought, what have i got left to lose? i'm going to go and explore, i'll try and find my stuff and get out as quick as possible, jay's mum was already gone. so i come out of this new door and come into a hallway, which hasjust so many doors coming off it, an absolute labyrinth. i have no idea where i am going, so ijust edged in one direction down the hallway. i got to some stairs,
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nice big spiral staircase, and i am congratulating myself because it's going well so far, minus the toilet incident. it is going all right until i reach the top of the stairs and i clang into something giant and metal. i stumble back a bit, fully expecting some kind of home alone trap to just unleash itself on me, and it turned out to be a massive suit of armour just leaning against the wall. laughter so it's not what you would expect to find when you are just strolling through a house. it dawns on me at this point, this is my boss's house, so there is a lot of expensive stuff around. i have only been at this job for two weeks as well, so i am pretty sure rampaging through priceless ornaments is not going to do me any favours at thisjob. eventually i find myself in a cloakroom. i was feeling my way around just coats and bags, the biggest cloakroom i have ever been in my life, bigger than every room in my house, it was crazy.
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iam in there and i heara noise. it sounds like footsteps. i think ok, maybe someone can help me. the other thing is that i felt a bit of panic, because i don't know about other visually impaired people but i don't really like not having my symbol cane, i don't really like not having it on me if i am meeting new people. just because it avoids awkwardness, if i miss a handshake, it avoids awkward questions like "who are you, why are you in my house", i didn't have it on me, unfortunately. so ijust kind of sheepishly came out of the cloakroom, hands up, i promise i'm not burgling you. it was not a person, it turned out to be a cat. so i am not religious at all but i think this cat was an absolute miracle, a divine animal sent from the disability friendly gods, who saw my time of need and sent me a messenger. because this cat brushes past my leg
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and it kind of leads me down a new corridor, which i don't think i would have seen by myself because it was quite dark, quite dimly lit, and it has a little bell on its collar, so very helpful. i follow this cat and i go into another room, which turns out to be a massive, beautiful kitchen. in there i find a housekeeper who was very confused to see me, but very friendly, and she pointed me to all of my stuffjust sitting there on the kitchen table, my bag, my symbol cane, my charger, everything i needed. i nearly collapsed with relief, i was so happy. i charged my phone, got out of there, it does have a happy ending. i made it to my nephew's birthday on time, i got out of the house independently with a bit of an assist from the miracle cat — and even better, later on i found out that my boss found another one of my colleagues downstairs passed out in his pants on the sofa. so compared to him, i didn't do too badly. laughter thank you so much, thanks for listening. cheering and applause
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ladies and gentlemen, give it up for reece finnegan. cheering and applause please welcome to the stage, sarah collins! cheering and applause hi. i have a condition that is often erroneously called "pure 0h". pure 0 is short for purely obsessional ocd, a kind of ocd that does not involve some of your traditional compulsions like excessive hand washing, cleaning or performing rituals. symmetry does not do much for me. i could not care less about whether my revision notes are colour—coded or not. my bedroom is the messiest room you will have ever seen in your life. research has shown that purely obsessional ocd is not actually purely obsessional at all. we have compulsions.
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they just don't look like your traditional variety. my compulsion is reassurance seeking, which means basically asking my poor mother over and over and over again whether she is absolutely sure i won't push her in front of a train. laughter that she can guarantee that no—one is filming me through the camera on my laptop screen. when living with ocd, it is easy to get lost in a tunnel where i am being guided by a voice that isn't my own. the voice doesn't reflect my values or my personality. the voice is melodramatic, attention seeking and downright mean. and i'm not like that at all! so it can't be my voice. at its most extreme, the voice can generate false memories. a few years ago, i went on a massive night out to celebrate the end of my a—levels with my friends.
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sorry, i am getting ocd about performing this thing about ocd, so... just bear with me... applause ..while i untangle that one. so a few years ago, i went on a massive night out with my friends to celebrate my a—levels. however, for me, the after—effects of drinking can extend well beyond the usual case of hangover anxiety. on this particular night out, i knew i'd overdone it so when i got in, i got a huge glass of water and popped two paracetamol tablets. i was drunk, but aware. the next morning i woke up with a massive headache, and lay motionless for a few minutes, running back through the memories from the night before. i saw myself coming into the house, going into the kitchen, getting the glass of water and the paracetamol, and then it came. the intrusive thought: i had taken
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a whole box of paracetamol tablets. i could feel the sensation of the cardboard in my fingers, the feeling of swallowing each tablet. i was in danger, grave danger. i ran downstairs in search of the physical evidence. i rifled through the cupboard. i found just one box of paracetamol — and it was almost full, with only two tablets missing. with overwhelming relief i realised i was going to be fine. i was fine. but...hang on. how could i be sure? how could i be absolutely, 100% sure that the box of paracetamol that was in the cupboard was the same box that had been there last night? what if i had taken all those tablets and then drunkenly thrown the box in the bin? and just like that, there it was. another memory. i could hear the bin clanging shut.
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oh god. oh god! i was going to have to look through the bin. i thought about putting some rubber gloves on, but really, when i was mere hours away from certain death by liver damage, was a bit of bin juice going to hurt me? i have never looked less like your stereotypical ocd sufferer than in that moment. when i was leaning over the bin, face down, arse up, trawling through mouldy cabbage and gone—off cheese in search of some empty paracetamol boxes. there were no boxes in the bin. and then i had a brainwave. i am a millennial. however drunk i was, i would never forget to recycle. laughter check the recycling, no boxes. there was only one thing for it. call 111. "hello 111, what is
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your problem today?". um, i think i might have taken a paracetamol overdose? "and how many tablets have you taken in the past 2a hours?" um, i think i have only taken two tablets, but i was drunk and i am not sure, and i have this feeling i have taken a paracetamol overdose? "but you can only remember taking two tablets? you've just got a feeling you have ta ken a paracetamol overdose? " yes, and ifeeldrunk and tired and awful? "i think you'vejust got a hangover, love." so that was the official opinion. i was going to live, i could get on with my day. that was until i was on the train to birmingham with my sister, and along came another thought. this time it was me, lying in a hospital bed with tubes all over me. then it was words flashing against a black screen. "you could have prevented this.
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you could have gone to hospital and had your stomach pumped, if only you had listened to me!" the train pulled into the station and i had my plan. i told my sister ijust needed to get a few books, some folders from when i was going to uni. i sprinted to catch a train heading to the station nearest to the queen elizabeth hospital, university of birmingham. i sent students flying as i barged up the escalators through the gates, across the road, and stopped directly outside the glass double doors to a&e. i paused forjust one second, and breathed. even though i knew where i was, i was utterly and completely lost in a world of menacing thoughts. even a fun night out with my friends from my a—levels had had a sinister consequence. this wasn't a life. i had to be brave. i replayed the memories
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from the night before. i walked into the kitchen. i got a glass of water. i tookjust two paracetamol tablets, and i went to bed. my brain was screeching at this point — "but what about the other memories? "you can't afford to take this risk, are you that stupid, do you want to die? ?" but when i tried to recall the other memories — the 2a tablets, the bin — they just disappeared. they morphed and switched into other terrifying fears, other horrible what—ifs. and then, underneath the rest of the chatter, but growing louder and louder, i heard my own voice. "turn around, sarah, and walk away. you can do this." in front of me, people with broken legs and raging fevers were hobbling into a&e. i turned around. i walked back towards the station, back towards life.
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i wasn't lost any more. thank you very much. cheering and applause. her first time on stage — sarah collins, guys. 0k, to finish the show, make some noise forjoe wells. applause hello. hello, edinburgh, are you well? audience: yes. good. this is my story about losing my headphones. i should give you some background to this story. i'm an autistic man. i've been a man for 12 years. before then, i was a boy, and i have always been autistic. but i only had the diagnosis earlier this year, and when you get that diagnosis, you spend a lot of time, too much time, wondering about stuff that happened in your past, negative experiences. would that have all been different if i'd had this diagnosis? one thing i say for a fact, it's helped explain things for me.
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like, there's always been things which i've really disliked, but everyone else seems to love. the main three things are eye contact, the sound of men's voices, and the arctic monkeys. the third one, that's not an autistic thing. i just think — i just think they're a really overrated band. people talk about whether they're the next beatles. i don't reckon they're very good. talking about eye contact, i think it is weird. i think it's weird that you people do that. think about what eye contact is. we've all got two jelly balls that we hold inside our skulls, and we walk around sucking in light into ourjelly balls at all times. and when you want to be polite to someone, you're supposed to point yourjelly balls to theirjelly balls, suck all the light off their jelly balls. they return the favour, they suck the light off your jelly balls while you're sucking the light off their jelly balls, in a mutualjelly ball sucking thing.
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i find that weirdly intimate, when you've just met someone, to immediately suck on theirjelly balls. i used to get in trouble at school. i had a science teacher who used to say to me, "joe, you have to make eye contact with me. otherwise, i don't know you're listening to me." what kind of biology teacher are you, to think you listen with your eyes? but i don't like men's voices, either. i find... apologies to any men in the room. i don't hate men, ijust hate men's voices. men's voices sound like somebody is driving a motorbike through a wood chipper. it's like (makes sound of motorbike driving through wood chipper.) "i like craft beer." i find that really distressing, i don't like it at all. particularly more than one man — three or more men talking over the top of each other, i don't like that. it's why i don't watch top gear. i don't like it at all.
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so i avoid men's voices as much as i can. i can't always do that. i work as a comedian, so i have to get late trains a lot, and men are drunk on the late trains. i hate the sound of drunk men's voices, and i never knew why that was until i had this diagnosis. i used to have to come up with a reason why. and what i thought i'd worked out was that i hate the sound of men's voices because i'm a good feminist and i'm very progressive, and i hate the sound of men's voices because it reminds me of all of the misogyny that women have endured for millennia. that would make sense as a theory if it weren't for the fact that when i hear men's voices i put my headphones on, i listen to music, and i listen to mainly gangsta rap. i like the rap. i'm sorry, i know it's problematic, but i like it a lot. you can't kid yourself that you're drowning out the sound of toxic masculinity when you're listening to nwa to drown it out. i like gangsta gangsta —
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best nwa song that i'm allowed to say the title of! i like that when dr dre, easy e and ice cube are talking, they take it in turns. it's more pleasing to my ears. i didn't exactly lose my headphones, they broke, and they broke in london. the reason they broke was because i had only spent £10 on headphones. you should always spend a minimum £20 on headphones, otherwise it's a false economy. if you spend £10, you may have to replace them five times a year. £20, they'll last you the whole year. always spend at least £20 on headphones, that's the moral of the story. if you leave today and someone says, "what was the bbc ouch show about?" you tell them it was about how someone should spend minimum £20 on headphones. but i didn't. i was young, naive and reckless, so i spent £10 on headphones. they broke on the tube in london. still got a two—hour
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train back to portsmouth, where i live. i was very anxious that there could be men with their loud man voices, talking, and that would be horrible, and i didn't have anything to drown it out. got on the train, and there's one girl on her own who's drunk, not causing any problems. there's a mother and daughter who have been to a west end show. they're talking about that. there's one man on his own, businessmen on a laptop, that's fine, should be fine. there is no group of men talking. i pick up my book, i read my book. 15 minutes it's peaceful, it's fine. and then after about 15 minutes, iheara kind of like a splattering noise. and i look up and i see that the really drunk girl, she has been sick on the floor. quite a lot of sick, just on the floor. and i look up and i make eye contact, and for the first time in my life i've made eye contact with someone, and they feel less comfortable about it than me. i look away. she is then sick again.
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there's sick on sick on floor, and after she's been sick a second time, she gets up to go to the toilet to be sick. that is very much closing the stable door after the horse has been fully sick on the floor, but she does that. she gets up and walks past me. i looked up slightly, and i can see that she is ashamed of the fact that she's been sick, and i don't think she should have felt ashamed. everyone has been drunk, and i don't mind that much that she's been sick, to be honest. it's just some human vomit, it's not three or more men talking. it's fine. but you can't say that to someone, can you? i've got enough social sense to know... sometimes i get kind of social things wrong, and there is a thin line between saying i don't mind you being sick and kind of sounding like you're enthusiastic about it. you want to get that right. it doesn't matter what i think, anyway. she feels ashamed, and she covers
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her mouth with her hand out of shame, right? and then she's sick again. now, do you remember school, when in the bathrooms at school the bigger boys would put their thumbs over the taps, right, so the increased pressure of the water... you can't be disgusted by this, you're just having to hear about it. i had to live it in my life. increased pressure, she was sick on me out the side of her mouth. i was shocked, and i looked up and went, "you have been sick on me." and she turned round to me. she said, "i am sor... and before she could say "ry," she was sick again. that is what happened to me. she was fully sick on me twice, and i had to go from woking to portsmouth covered in another woman's sick. but here's the thing.
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i had this diagnosis this year, and i've been thinking a lot about, would that diagnosis have changed things? it's easy to fall into that trap where you go, everything would have been different if i'd had this diagnosis earlier. and would that story have been different if i had an autism diagnosis? no, it wouldn't, of course not. i still would have been sicked on, she still would have been embarrassed, and i still would have looked up at the start and made her feel embarrassed. i still would have heard the splatter. the thing that would have made a difference is if i would have had headphones on. that would have stopped me hearing the vomit. i'm not saying to me... it was important to me, having an autism diagnosis, but it's not the most important thing in the world. the most important thing in the world is to spend at least £20 on headphones. applause ladies and gentlemen, make some noise forjoe wells. and make some noise
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for everyone you've seen today. you have seen reese finnegan, sarah collins, joe wells. my name's chris mccausland. thanks for being amazing, guys. cheers, goodnight. thank you. hello there. we have sunshine, wind, rain and even tropical air heading our way next week. today, the weather has been very pleasant. we had a few showers yesterday across kent, no sign of those today. indeed we have been enjoying some healthy spells of sunshine. after a really cold start in the north—east of scotland, we have seen some blue skies here as well for a while. there is more cloud coming in from the north—west, this weather front waits in the wings to bring rain overnight tonight.
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a fine end to the day with sunshine around, but the cloud continues to thicken across scotland and northern ireland. going to turn wetter overnight and the rain spills into wales and western parts of england, could be quite heavy. more cloud tonight, not anywhere near as cold as last night, except perhaps across east anglia, where we have clearer skies for longer. tomorrow's a bit of a messy day, the weather front bringing rain, not one of the weather fronts sweeping across, no wind to move it. instead, the wetter weather drifts south. patchy rain developing across eastern parts of england, outbreaks of rain and lots of cloud in the morning, the rain tending to ease in the afternoon for northern areas, turning brighter but towards wales and the south—west, we keep the rain going. it could be heavy and thundery, and it really is going to be chilly, temperatures only 1a or 15 quite widely. that weather front pulls apart, most of the rain continuing south towards iberia.
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this ridge of high pressure building in, but we have a weak weather front on the scene, bringing us this band of cloud, and it could produce one or two showers but dry on the whole. some sunshine around, too, and it will feel a lot warmer, especially for central and eastern parts of england, where temperatures could be up to 20 degrees. but there's wet and windy weather arriving in north—west later. that is on the weather fronts there and it will turn wet and windy across northern areas overnight, around an area of low pressure which contains remnants of ex—hurricane dorian, no longer a hurricane by this stage, but it will bring and windy weather overnight. and through wednesday, it sweeps towards southern parts of england, becoming light and patchy. behind it, we get more sunshine arriving, some showers across scotland but temperatures higherfor all of us.
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the government says it's sticking to its brexit plans, despite a new law against no deal and a high profile resignation. amber rudd left the cabinet with stinging criticism that too little effort is being made to secure a new brexit deal with the eu. you might expect in the balance between getting a deal and no deal, 50—50 in terms of work. but it's not that, it's like 80—90% of government time going into preparing for no deal. we are working wholeheartedly, straining every sinew to get a deal and the prime minister is personally putting in all the significant effort you would expect. as borisjohnson‘s key advisers met today,
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ministers are looking for a way around the no deal law that enters into force tomorrow. we'll have the latest from westminster ahead of a fresh effort to call an early election.


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