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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  June 24, 2011 9:30am-10:00am PDT

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[laughing] williams: what? i was all set to fail the drug test tomorrow. you was going to fail it? how? i ate 17 hash brownies in the parking lot. oh, boy. whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! i'm good, stop freaking out. everybody's all paranoid. ok, ok. everybody's getting all paranoid. everybody relax. i'm going to put horse with no name on the jukebox, ok? thank you, thank you. uh, bad news. the only america they have is sister golden hair. travis: no! [yelling] captioning made possible by mtv networks captioned by the national captioning institute >> june 23rd, 2011, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central
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>> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. we have a good one tonight. our guest tonight, bruce headlam here to discuss page 1, a documentary about "the new york times", which reviewing the same film "the new york times" raved about it, a mess, does little to illuminate. so i'm thinking it must be pretty good. let's start quickly right here in new york, our state legislature the most dysfunctional in the nation raves new york university is in an extended summer session in an attempt to pass a landmark bill legalizing same-sex marriage in new york. word is the vote is now 31-4-- 31 for, 31 against. so right now they are looking to turn one vote gay, i guess. (laughter) >> jon: even for a night. (laughter) >> jon: six pack of twiquiza, let's get in there and vote. we are getting word that there has been a vote in the new york senate extended session. let's go right to it. >> the summertime favorite
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is now the official state vegetable. the lawmakers divided to quiv sweet corn two thumbs up over onions. >> jon: it's raining men-- wait, what? wait w what did you vote for? really? a state vegetable, corn, first of all-- first of all, don't get cocky, corn. you beat onions. (laughter) >> jon: second of all y are we talking about a state vegetable in an extended session of the senate, no less. >> the importance of this legislation is not whether we have sweet corn or onion or any other vegetable but it's important that we do recognize and have a state vegetable for new york. (laughter) >> jon: yes. otherwise it would be chaos. (laughter) >> jon: after you take care of those important things there will be time left over the promotion of the basic civil right for a large
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group of people. but obviously our main story is the president's address to the nation last night. his first since that night two months ago when he informed us that he had personally killed osama bin laden with his bare hands. and he is walking down the same carpet again! i wonder if we got hitler this timeçó! >> when i announced the surge at west,rpoint, we set clear objectives to refocus on al qaeda, to reverse the taliban's momentum, and train afghan security forces to defend their own country. we are meeting our goals. >> jon: oh my god, afghanistan war! it's finally over, ten years. can someone get me a nurse to kiss in the street? i canwti believe-- tell me more! >> starting nejtr month we will be able to remove 10,000 of our troops from afghanistan by the end of this year. and we will bring home a total of 33,000 troops by next summer. >> jon: huh?
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that's it? came out to announce that the troops, that you sent to afghanistan a year and a half ago are going to be incrementally removed from that country over theçó next year and a half? putting us at a troop commitment level still above the one that was there when you took office. i mean, it's not nothing but did you really have to walk all the way down the [bleep] hallway to do that? couldn't you just shout it as you were walking by? (laughter) >> jon: hey, we're going to trim back a bit on one of our wars. (laughter) >> jon: fyi. just do it as a facebook status update. you really-- you had to do this as a nationwide address-- all right. well, let's see how it played on fox, the conservatives, the portion of the country whose views are never-- all right, just play it. >> why do i see politics all over this. president obama is playing politics. >> this is 100% political. >> clearly meant to mollify the anti-war left. >> he needs to appease the left wing of his own party.
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>> i know he's got to appease those moron like the code pink chicks. (laughter) >> jon: to me the dead give away, the dentist doesn't know much about code pink isn't that he called them chick, but that he thinks they can be appeased. (laughter) >> jon: all right. so the speech was like red metaphor the left or should i say tofurkey, for the left. man, for the left. that speech must have been like finding out that a volume co-- volvo and sub ro mated and given birth to a recumbent bicycle, right? >> i'm disappointed. removing the 33,000 troops in over a year in our budget crisis is not nearly good enough. >> it's a no-win policy. >> in my opinion it's not enough. >> it's going at a slower pace than i think is necessary. >> afghanistan war is going on ten years now, if it were a kid it would be in the fifth grade. >> jon: yes, this war is like a ten-year-old child and that's why we must end it -- wait, hold on.
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(laughter) sixth grade say tough year, i will say. so it seems that barack obama has pulled off an incredible feat. he has given a speech nobody liked. somehow he has found and touched america on our anti-g-spot. but i believe this speech contained a strong hint of the problem this president is facing as he seeks to create the obama doctrine for the war on terrorism. >> we must chart a more centered course. like generations before we must embrace america's singular war in the course of human events am but we must be as pragmatic as we are passionate, as strategic as we are resolute. when threatened, we must respond with force. but when that force can be targeted, we need not deploy large armies overseas. >> jon: see there's the dilemma, because we've already deployed large amies
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overseas. we've already done it. the obama doctrine appears to be in the future i will try not to get us embroiled in so many money and life sucking cluster [bleep] like the ones we appear to be embroiled in at the present and can't figure out how to get out of. the bush doctrine is clear. you got terrorists, we're going to get you. but it turned out it was a game of terrorist whack-a-mole. and it cost $9.7 billion a month to cover only two holes that you can never leave. somewhat unsustainable. obama's making the case that the future doesn't have to be this way. >> when innocents are being slaughtered and global security endang ared, we don't have to choose between standing idly by or acting on our own. instead we must rally international action which we're doing in libya where we do not have a single soldier on the ground. >> see, he's saying let's not play whack-a-mole, let's play buck hunter.
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(laughter) >> just stand back and wait for a dictator like michael jackson to walk through the forest and then-- but again we can only put a new strategy in place once we have ended our current entanglement. ladies and gentlemen, i'm here to announce tonight that i believe we may have found the solution buried in some of the post speech commentary. >> they have what are called fighting seasons. >> having all the surge forces leave by next summer is going to compromiseçó next summer's fighting see sow-- season. >> the fighting season begins in the spring when they finish harvesting the opium. and it ends in the fall when they need to be unharvesting the marijuana. >> see we here in america have four season, winter, spring, summer, fall. in afghanistan two seasons, fighting season be, and drug
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harvesting season. (laughter) doctrine if you will to winning this war, we must as a nation device a narcotic that ripeens during their summer drug harvesting l lull. pcp-eanuts, if you will. meth am at the timea melon, no, that rots too easyy. ladies and gentlemen, i present to you the key to enduring peace and stability in our country for years to come, a crop as addictive as hearty, behold, cracktus. you're welcome. (applause) (cheers and applause) >> jon: bring the boys home. we'll be right back.
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what could possibly hold together all the natural energy found in peanuts? caramel works. payday. crunchy roasted peanuts and soft chewy caramel come together to give you sweet energy. payday. the sweet taste of energy.
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>> jon: welcome back to our program. i want to talk to you quickly about something, i wanted to talk to you about computers. we use them for everything, for masterbating to shopping to shopsterbat,. but for all the computer's convenience, there's also a dark side. >> the cia's web site has been hacked by the same group that also claimed attacks on sony and pbs.
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>> the imf says they definitely were hacked. >> break approximating into citigroup's web site. >> they have hacked sony and now the u.s. senate. >> google rsa and lockheed martin. >> received tweets from kim car bashian, you should know was not her, her twitter account was hacked. >> jon: when will the madness end. for more on what we can do to protect ourselves from the hacker threat we are joined by john hodgman and his segment -- >> thank you very much. john hodgman joining us. john, it seems like every day we hear about another security breach carried out by hackers. the cia and citibank can't stop t how can the rest of us hope to protect ourselves. >> hackers are like snow flakes. no two are alike and they want to destroy you. so the first step is to identify what type of hacker
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are you dealing with. know your enemy. >> jon: how can we know them. >> you can't know them. >> jon: oh. >> they're anonymous that is their name a nonmuss. another big group is lulz security. the hacktivikts believes all information should be free and nothing strikes fear into hearts like an edwardian oenophile dandy. >> jon: you don't love the logo. >> i love it. please don't hack me. you seem afraid. >> they are very touchy and they attack when they are mad which brings the first solution, flattery. check out the hackers at all time. do whatever it takes to keep them happy. it is the only thing that keeped my etsy storefront safe from being hacked. >> jon: you have an etsy storefront. >> sure. >> jon: what do you sell. >> steampunk cylons, of course. (laughter) it's the ultimate internet product.
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only $60 but of course, free for hackers. >> jon: i don't think all hackers are driven by ideology. some are just thieves. >> exactly. while to protect yourself from ideaological hackers i advise you to back up your personal information to protect yourself from cyburglars, i suggest you back up your money. >> jon: how do you back up your money. >> back up your money. before you send your hard earned cash to some easily hackable electrobank, are you going to want to make a hard copy. now look, i have these backup dollars that i made at kinkos. this is all my money safe and sound, right here in front of me. >> jon: this is just counterfeit none, these are copies of my own dollar bills that i use to buy goods and services. here, have a roll of quarters, jon. you'll have to cut them out before you send them. >> very generous now. your firewall of sarcasm and
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distaken to protect you from the cyberspies. hackers working for porn government. >> but if china decided to attack the pentagon service there is nothing an individual can do. >> not if that individual is you, jon. but elite users like me can go into the system, jack into the grid. and take on these hackers on their own turf. please watch my paper money, jon, i'm going to zip line into the info cloud. >> launching a brute force attack on >> already on the computer. control alt delete.
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(laughter) i'm back. >> jon: that was exciting. was that a frisbee taped to your chest. >> no, that was an identity disk that i made from a frisbee. and if you would like the nited steampunk version you can buy it on my etsy site. >> jon: thank you very much, john hodgman, everybody.
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within welcome back, my guest the media dix editor for "the new york times" and featured in the documentary film about the times called "page 1" >> i'm going to iraq. >> he's done all these stories on media companies and capitol cases, death row and tim is just one of the guys who wants answers to really basic questions. i think once you've got that, you're curious about all kinds of things. iraq is kind of off people's radar screens here but we still have 120,000 soldiers there. and it's a real crucial point in terms of seeing what the last chapter is for our country there. >> please welcome bruise headlam.
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-- bruce headlamb. thank you. nice to see you. (applause) thank you for joining us. >> thank you. >> jon: i want to say we had scheduled to interview the director. >> yes. >> jon: who put the film together. but unfortunately he was a little under the weather and couldn't make it. so he made you do it. >> yes. and when you mentioned the times review i think he flat lined at the hospital. he may be gone now. >> jon: let me just ask you obviously the questions i was going to ask him. when you were putting this movie together, were they nervous at the times to allow a filmmaker to come in and document their process. was there any sort of internal discussion. >> there was because the crew that had been from the daily show. >> and that had not gone nearly so well. they were surprisingly not nervous. i was nervous. i didn't want to do it but it was presented to be by bill keller my boss, i said enough of my reporters wanted to do it i would go
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along with it. but i wasn't in favor of it. >> jon: it sort of a democracy at the times. >> yes, that's exactly what it was. >> jon: very exciting. >> yes. >> jon: like a velvet revolution over there. that's exciting. >> yeah, you saw the page 1 scene, to see how democratic they are. >> jon: exactly right. you live like ants in your cubicles. does the times, is the fear there that you know, the documentary is sort of capturing this obsolete time in america, it's like we'll look back years from now and be like the old horses used to pull all the wagons and then the automobile came by. >> i don't think the times looks at itself that way. i don't think the film gets that particularly. you know, i was skeptical because i thought well, we cover the media. we're not the most important part of the times. nobody is shooting at us. we cover fox news. which is-- by the way, they love you guys. i was over there on sunday. >> we don't actually have to drive through check points to get to fox news.
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>> but you know, i think the times felt there was a story to tell. now the minute andrew started filming wiki leaks happened. we had layoffs. our stock plummeted. many people were predicting our demise. many people were cheering our demise. so probably six months later i'm not sure i would have welcomed andrew quite the way we did at that point. but he managed to capture a lot of what was happening that year and a lot of the drama. >> the wiki leaks stuff is the most fascinating because it represented that, you know, they have brian in there who is younger. and so he i think maybe has a little more insight into the scenes where he is sort of interacting with some of the older, you know, no disrespect. >> no disrespect. >> but it just was kind of -- >> slower, weaker. >> jon: it was like wait, you don't reit twitter that is kind of where it is happening. like he has there is a sense that he was urging everybody to embrace something that there was some resistence too.
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>> and brian urges all of us to embrace twitter. i encourage brian to send #úq!at doesn't seem to have taken hold yet. no, i think he's a good example, david carr without as many people might know is another good example. it's really a place in transition. and i don't want the film to be seen as a kind of old, grumpy, newspaper here and here are the cool kids over here. it's much more fluid. the times web site is a massive web site. on twirt, on facebook, they do all of those things. >> jon: it still feels like content is always king. if you establish, you know, maybe the times editorial authority is not what it was but if you establish the idea of trusted content, what difference does it make where it is distributed. >> well, the one difference it makes is that we make a lot more money in a newspaper than we do on-line. and that has been one of the huge struggles which is the financial underpinnings of our business. >> jon: why is that. because you look at some of these other sites that are
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on-line that you can't even figure out what they do. and they're selling for $10 billion at ipos. it's just like an on-line site, everybody, let's get together and we'll all get a discount on a massage. and that ipo goes for, you know, why isn't on-line advertising, because that is where they are all are. >> because one reason is you know we're in baghdad. and that costs a lot of money. the cost behind those sites is not that great. >> right. >> if they are offering massages in baghdad it would be a whole different story. then we would be on equal ground. >> jon: i think i meant like why doesn't advertising, why isn't the rate more commensurate with the way that technology is -- >> because there is so much of it. with "the new york times" there's scarcity, tiffanies has been on page three for god knows, a sent ree. you know there are many web sites, many low cost ways to reach team. -- people. the on-line advertising is not as lucrative right now as advertising in the paper. >> jon: do you think the times will be able to be as agile, continue to do the
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type of reporting. because a lot of the sites, still rely on times reporting. it's not like the times reporting is not out there and disseminated everywhere. a lot of people just go that's really good. >> the times is the great straight line of america. everybody else gets to tell the jokes off what we do. >> jon: what? (laughter) well, well, well. >> well. it's come to this. >> jon: so we meet at last. (laughter) >> jon: well, really interesting look at it. i'm glad that you guys did it. >> i'm glad we did too. >> jon: and let a real filmmaker do it rather than just comedians ridiculing you for four minutes. thank you for coming in and taking the director's place. really appreciate it. >> thank you so much. thanks so much. >> jon: take one in select cities now, bruce head
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>> jon: that's our show, join us next week at 11:00. and if you get a chance, check out the very funny new