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tv   The Colbert Report  Comedy Central  June 27, 2011 10:00am-10:30am PDT

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captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> dr. pepper presents: ♪ rock you like a sugar cane [cheers and applause] >> stephen: woo! woo! boom! woo! [cheers and applause] welcome to the show, everybody.
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[cheers and applause] lovely, that's lovely. thank you so much. welcome to the report begun everybody. [cheers and applause] as you can tell people are loving steve fest cobecella-011. let me start by saying -- [laughter] some of you you may understand that. folks brrk we get to the rock 'n' roll, nation, some news to touch on. nation, the republican race for 2012 is heating up. today, former obama ambassador to china. and current crest white strips after-photo jon huntsman got in the race. jim?
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>> i'm jon huntsman, and i'm running for president of the united states. we're not just choosing new we're not just choosing new leaders. we're choosing whether we are to be yesterday's story or tomorrow's. >> stephen: of course jon huntsman intends to be tomorrow's story. because for him, yesterday's story is, "hey, i work for barack obama." [laughter] and then huntsman perfectly described true americans. >> people secure in their rights and in love with their liberty. >> stephen: yes, i'm passionately in love with my liberty! i'd say i lust for it. [laughter] we have a very vigorous physical relationship. liberty and i. sometimes we role play. she dresses up as socialism and i spank her with a rolled-up constitution. [laughter] and even though she doesn't always reach happiness, she's assured me that just pursuing it
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is good enough. [laughter] [cheers and applause] so i like him. only problem is, huntsman has a face and a name. and right now, obama leads all specific republican candidates in the polls, even beating the romney. thankfully, the republicans have a dark horse. >> the latest gallup poll has president obama narrowly losing to a generic republican. >> president obama falling behind a generic republican challenger into a new poll 39% to 44%. >> republicans lead by a few points on the generic presidential ballot. a generic republican, if you find that person, beating president obama. >> stephen: guess what? i found that person on my way to work this morning. [laughter] republican party, say hello to your generic presidential nominee. look at this guy.
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[laughter] he's got everything you want. strong stride, well known, plus he's a family man. as you can see from the briefcase, he's got business experience. but he's also worked blue-collar jobs. this guy has something for everybody. he's well-read. he's outdoorsy. and he loves the flag. or rectangles. and he's got a very compelling personal story. he was a promising young [laughter] athlete, who got a little drunk one night slipped and fell [laughter] was in a wheelchair for a while, but got back on his feet and now, he holds a world record in running down stairs past fires. [laughter]
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plus, he'd really help our relations with china. after all, his name is ped xing. [laughter] i gotta say, folks, the only knock on this guy, other than his head not being attached to his body, is that republicans don't need another candidate who spends a suspicious amount of time hanging around mens' rooms. [laughter] let's go in 2012. of course, the big story continues to be my summer concert series: [take: ots: stephest logo] stephest colbchella o-leven, the greatest journalist-hosted summer concert series since greta van halen week. a lot of great bands, the headliner, of course, is dr. pepper, my corporate sponsor. last night's kickoff was a huge success, but i want to apologize
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for using this t-shirt cannon to fire dr. pepper cans into the audience. [laughter] to those in the first three rows last night, let me just say-- and i mean this sincerely --by entering my studio, you waived your right to sue me. now, folks, i'm not just a music lover, i'm a music-doer. in the '80s, i was lead singer of the new wave rock band stephen and the colberts. you may remember us from our billboard-eligible hit, "charlene - i'm right behind you." jim? ♪ i think of you and i dream of you when i'm taking pictures of you. ♪ i think of you when i'm in a plant looking down from up above you ♪
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♪ you know i'm missing you ♪ my mind is kissing you [cheers and applause] >> stephen: i did not -- [cheers and applause] thank you. it did not win a grammy but it did win a restraining order. [laughter] recently i decided that it was time for me to jump back into the music biz-iz-ness. but first i needed a superstar producer to launch my comeback. and i found former. white stripe and nine-time grammy-winning rock guitar god jack white. ♪ white recently started his own production company, third man records, clearly the perfect person to turn this person from
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a has been into a has is. [laughter] tonight, i bring you part one of my three part series stephen colbert presents 2001 and one a rock odyssey. to revive my career i journeyed to nashville, tennessee, nash vegas, music city and home of third man records. i sat down with recording artist and label executive jack white. >> this is incredibly exciting. >> for me too. >> stephen: this is an amazing moment sitting across from a true genius, an icon from a generation. what does it feel like for you to be across from me? >> i know -- i don't know how to put it into words.
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>> stephen: okay. >> it's funny. >> stephen: don't try. if you don't know how don't try. >> i don't know how to put it into words. >> stephen: shhh. you are both the recording artist and the record executive? >> si, yes. >> stephen: you have cut out the middle man and can exploit yourself directly. can i take to the record executive? >> you want that hat on right now? okay. what is it like working with jack white? >> incredible. >> stephen: i hear he is a prima donea. what is the most exploitive thing you could ask yourself to do? >> probably something like this. this is exploitative. >> stephen: i'm getting what i need out of it. i want to make sure jack white is getting what he needs. >> that is who is doing this. >> jack white the performer would never do this. >> we know who is wearing the pants in the relationship.
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>> stephen: you seem to have a lot of integrity. what is that worth to you? >> what is it worth? >> stephen: what is your price for your integrity? >> there's no price. >> stephen: why don't you go for more of that sweet, sweet advertisement cash with pairing your songs up with products that sell in commercials. >> it doesn't fit. >> stephen: all your songs would fit commercials. seven nation army. ♪ stphet ♪ >> yeah? >> stephen: i think it's a great way to sell yogurt. check it out yum yum yum yum. >> i've never used yum to sing. >> stephen: go for it. danon or what is this yopliat on the bottom. >> yum yum yum yum. i'm not feeling it. >> stephen: you have to do it like you mean it, man. we're selling yogurt. come on, hit it! five, six, seven eight.
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>> yum yum yum. >> stephen: i'm going to eat it up ♪ >> yum yum yum. >> stephen: put on my cereal, maybe some blueberries. >>umummum. >> stephen: it's got acido acidofhilis. >> why are you picking yogurt? why not a cruise line or a -- >> stephen: yum cruise line? yum yum yum get on my boat. >> where did you get the yum from? >> stephen: listen yum yum yum yum yum. a lot of people get that wrong. >> you are hearing yum i'm hearing it with you, okay. >> stephen: i accept your apology. >> i didn't -- >> stephen: jack? >> steven. >> stephen: let's change the subject. what made you want to work with stephen colbert recording artist? >> you look moldable, malleable.
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>> stephen: i want you to make me the next bob seeger. >> all right staoerpblgts on three, name your favorite bob seeger song. ready? >> okay one, two, three. >> two is on my mind. >> stephen: all of them. which what is not to love? >> i like them. >> stephen: born in kathmandu, a little too tall, could have used a few pounds. any time you want to jump in. night moves. ♪ night moves, he got the fire down below ♪ ♪ rock 'n' roll never forgets. ♪ ♪ down on main street. ♪ hollywood nights those hollywood hills. ♪ we've got tonight who needs tomorrow. >> you are familiar with his catalog. >> stephen:. ♪ i got that old time rock 'n'
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roll that kind of music just soojs the soul ♪ ♪ who wants to go to fire lake. >> i haven't heard fire lake in a while ♪ like a rock. clearly jack liked what he heard. tune in tomorrow as i close the deal and land my big record contract. i love to watch her strut. in the dramatic another part of stephen colbert presents 2001 and wun a rock odyssey. featuring jack
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[cheers and applause] ♪ rock you like a sugar cane >> stephen: thank you everybody. welcome back my guest tonight is the lead singer of florence and the machine. fun fact: turns out, her last name is not "andthemachine." please welcome florence welch. [cheers and applause] hey, florence, lovely to meet you.
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thanks for coming on. >> thanks for having me. >> stephen: besides being just a slip of a thing, you are also a young thin. two years ago you were discovered, if i'm not mistaken, singing drunkenly -- [laughter] -- in a girl's bathroom. true? >> it's true actually, yes. >> stephen: it's true. every time i drink and go sing in a girl's bathroom i get in trouble. [laughter] why is it different for you? what happened? >> my manager was running a club night in soho and i went there and we went into the bathroom to talk about boys and i was pretending i had a band but i didn't. i said i can sing. i sung her a snip et of this etta james song and she put me to play at a chris pass party. >> stephen: you are on tour in the united states. it's called the cosmic -- grammy
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nominated. not a grammy winner. oom a grammy winner. you lost to spaulding. you were robbed. i should have lost to justin beiber. [laughter] you started off in art school, right? and then you dropped out of art school to be a rock star. are you -- and you're a red head. [laughter] are you a handful? [laughter] >> i think on stage is mostly where -- it's like an outlet so i don't have to be in trouble on off stage because i get it all out on stage. >> stephen: if you didn't perform you might be trouble? >> i think it would be a lot drunker than i am if i didn't have performing to do. >> stephen: really? >> yeah. >> stephen: what is the song you are going to do for us tonight? >> we're going to "dog days". >> stephen: oh, fantastic. are you going to sing now?
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>> i'm going to change. >> stephen: okay, fantastic. maybe i should, too. [laughter] [laughter] well, thank you so much. >> thank you. thank you. [cheers and applause] >> stephen: we'll be right back with a performance by "florence and the machine".
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...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart.
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>> stephen: here to perform "dog days are over ladies and gentlemen, florence and the machine. ♪
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♪ happiness hit her like a train on a track ♪ ♪ coming towards her, stuck still no turning back ♪ ♪ she hid around corners and she hid under beds. ♪ she killed it with kisses and from it she fled with every bubble she sank with a drink ♪ ♪ and washed it away down the kitchen sink ♪ ♪ the dogs days are over the dog
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days are done ♪ ♪ the horses are coming so you better run ♪ ♪ run fast by your mother fast for your run for your children for your sisters and brothers ♪ ♪ leave all your love and your longing behind♪ note you can't carry it with you if you want to survive. ♪ ♪ the dog days are over the dog days are done ♪ ♪ can you hear the horses 'cause hear they come ♪ ♪ and i never wanted anything from you except everything you
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had and what was left after that too oh ♪ ♪ happiness hit her like a bullet in the back ♪ ♪ ♪ struck from a great height by someone who should vm known better than that ♪ ♪ the dog days are over ♪ the dog days are gone ♪ can you hear the horses 'cause here they come ♪ ♪
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♪ run fast for your mother and fast for your father ♪ ♪ run for your children for your sisters and your brothers ♪ note leave all your love and your loving behind behind ♪ note can't carry it with you if you want to survive ♪ ♪ the dog days are over the dog days are gone ♪ ♪ can you hear the horses because here they come ♪ ♪ here they come ♪ here they come ♪ here they come [cheers and applause]
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so beautiful, thank you so much. florence an : could switching to geico really save you
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>> stephen: well that's it. join me for tomorrow. my guest will be spitting rhymes and dropping science and by tomorrow i promise to