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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  July 1, 2011 1:00pm-1:30pm PDT

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-- captions by vitac -- >> june 30, 2011. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart. got a big show for you tonight. bill kristol, editor of "the weekly standard," will be joining us. he's a fox news contributor. yet, yet, i hope to talk to him about a less contentious issue than that, like afghanistan. all right. ( laughter ) what a show. we're going to start with
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something that i found on the tv box this morning that was maybe one of the greatest things i've ever seen in my life. >> mark halperin. what was the president's strategy? >> are we in the seven-second delay today? >> oh, lordy. >> i want to characterize how i thought the president behaved. >> we have it. we can use it, right, alex? >> yeah, sure, come on. >> go for it. >> i thought he was kind of a dick yesterday. ( laughter ) >> jon: mark halperin, senior political analyst, editor at large of "time" magazine just called the president a dick. and that wasn't like a spontaneous, like, can't contain myself, you lie! like this one, you guys have a delay because i'm going to call the president a dick. now, people can argue whether that's appropriate, whether halperin crossed some sort of
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line, whether or not journalism has lost its professionalism. personally i could give a ( bleep ). that horse left the barn years and years ago. what's interesting to me about what he did is not what he did. it's what happened after they came back from the commercial. >> joking aside, this is a pro forma apology. it's an absolute apology. heartfelt to the president and the viewers. i became part of the joke but that's no excuse. i made a mistake and i'm sorry and i shouldn't have said it and i apologize to the president and to the viewers who heard me say that. >> jon: now, now, you knew he was going to apologize. but what you didn't know is his apology would be chaperoned. ( laughter ) by show regular willy geist' disapproving glare. look at this guy. look at his face during this apology. look at it! it is a perfect mix of disappointment. it has a dash of sadness.
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a smidgen of disbelief. all with just a hint of "why the ( bleep ) am i in some shot?" ( laughter ) seriously. why is he in that shot? you can't grab a one-shot? not that i'm complaining because for my money, having him there works. it has that look of, "no, mister! you are going to sit here and you are going to tell mr. ferguson why you broke his ( bleep ) window. now we're going over there right now." i actually think from now ofrom now on, this guy willy geist should be included in all of our apologies. >> i have made terrible mistakes and hurt the people i care about the most. >> i'm deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior. >> i apologize to the public,. >> my hurt cause, you know, someone else's hurt. >> i am profoundly sorry for all i have done wrong. >> i regret deeply any injury
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that may have been done. >> i just want to apologize. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> jon: what? what?! fine, i'll say it. i'm sorry. it's like magic. the ongoing race for the white house, and on the republican side, things are trending in one direction, my friends-- >> polls show that mitt romney is leading the g.o.p. field for 2012. >> he's ahead in the polls. he's way ahead in the money. he's knot a much stronger organization. he's got the name recognition. >> jon: wow. mitt romney is the one the republicans are taking to the big dance. are there any drawexpwrookz well it's hard to get excited about mitt romney. >> if the election were tomorrow it would probably be mitt romney. but that's only because of the lack of choice. >> jon: wow. ( laughter ) the republicans are nervous about nominating the mormon
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ex-governor with perceived softness on social issues. they'll do it but with the same enthusiasm as, say, someone taking their cousin to the prom. ( laughter ) it's better than nothing. you might still get laid, but you're not going to feel that great about it. what?! no, i'm sorry! i'm sorry! ( applause ) i shouldn't have said it! i'm sorry! so judgmental. all right, clearly, republicans are looking for an option. what else have we got? >> jon huntsman makes his entrance in the republican presidential race. >> is he likely to become the sort of anti-romney candidate for the republicans? >> jon: the anti-romney. he's a handsome mormon ex-governor with perceived softness on social issues. ( laughter ) he's not the anti-romney. he's the candidate for people who would vote for romney but are concerned romney has too much name recognition. ( laughter ) come on, people! give me somebody truly different. >> i personally think michele
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bachman, your colleague, is going to be a real challenger to mitt romney. >> jon: there you go, michele bachman. she couldn't be more different. he's a man. she's a lady. he's tall. she's short. he looks directly into the camera. she looks just to the right of it. ( laughter ) her campaign got off to a running start when she declared her candidacy in her birth place of waterloo, iowa. >> what i want them to know is just like john wayne was from woortly, iowa, that's the spirit i have, too. >> it looks like she got her john waynes confused. john wayne lived about 150 miles away from waterloo. john wayne gacy, who raped and killed 33 men and boys did live in waterloo before his killing spree began. ( laughter ) >> jon: how do you know she got her john waynes confused? maybe she was like, yo! i'm from waterloo, serial killer straight up.
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( laughter ) just got implants. nice going, michele bachman. i'm sure she endeared herself to her home town. i believe the waterloo chamber of commerce sent her a thank you card. ( laughter ) she mixed up some names. she's not screwing up the important stuff like the era of history on which she bases her entire philosophy of government. >> you said the founding fathers who wrote the constitution and the declaration of independence worked tirelessly to ends slavely. with respect, that's not true. >> if you look at one of our founding fathers, john quincy adams, that was true. he was a very young boy when with his father serving as his secretary. he tirelessly worked throughout his life to make sure we did, in fact, one day, eradicate slavery. >> he wasn't one of the founding fathers. >> john quincy adams most certainly was a part of the
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revolutionary war era. he was a young boy but he was actively involved. >> jon: right, but he wasn't a found father. he was nine at the time. if he had signed the declaration of independence, this is what it would have looked like. he was a kid. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you know what? i'll give michele bachman credit. she actually made a non-fox appearance unlike other none-romney republican options. speaking of whom, why was palin in iowa. >> sarah palin is in iowa tonight to attend a movie premiere. but it's not just any movie. the film is called "the undefeated" and offers a positive portrait of her life and career. >> jon: another two things. first, the documentary about the losing vice presidential candidate in the 2008 election is called "the undefeated." ( laughter ) second, you're clearly running for president.
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>> what we say on the fishing boat stays on the fishing boat. you don't need to be announcing anything. >> jon: yes, why announce. it would ruin this sliious will she or won't she tension. and we all know that's what killed "moonlighting." governor palin, i certainly hope you're running for president, because if you're not, if you're just riding around in a giant bus with your name on it to catch caucus state premieres of a documentary about yourself? that's freaky. ( laughter ) does that mean you're like a chimp in a ferris wheel from michael jackson territory? i'm not apologizing! no, i'm not apologizing for that! i think if she's not running for president, it's a weird thing to do. ( laughter ) fine. ( bleep ) it! i'm sorry! ( laughter ) you know, i think i may have isolated the republicans'
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problem. it's not that republicans have too few candidates. it's that the candidates they do have are doper-gangers. they have the handsome middle aged mormon twins. they have the american history-challenged hotness. they have conservative fire brands from georgia, and of course a pair of oak trees. ( laughter ) only one of them can be the : could switching to geico really save you 15%
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. so as many of you know, the supreme court's term ended with a rash of new rulings. >> the court struck down a law passed by the california legislature in 2005 and signed into law by then-governor arnold schwarzenegger that made a crime to sell or rent video games depicting violence to anyone under 18. >> jon: oh, wow. that's got to be a huge disappointment for schwarzenegger. a man who fought so hard for so long to protect kids from images of gratuitous violence. ( laughter ) the state has no place keeping kids from buying violent video games. big deal.
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you know what? i agree with that. i used to play video games, space invaders, doom. how bad could the games really bee-- oh, my god! oh! oh ( bleep )! oh, my god! i think i'm going to be sick! oh! oh! that ( bleep )! oh, get some ice! ( laughter ) can the states place any restrictions on content sold to minors? >> justice slae in his opinion-- salea said governments might be able to restrict sexual materials but not violent and other materials. >> oh. what? so i guess that's good news for today's graphically violent video games. bad news for sexy gaming classics like super mario boners. ( laughter )
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( laughter ) nice job, sam. let's be clear what we're talking about here. fair warning. this is really fair warning. you may find this next clip-- in fact i'd be truly surprise fud don't, in all sheersness-- shocking and offensive. it's like an interactive, animated snuff film. if you are sensitive to violent imagery now might be a good time to go to another room and have filthy, disgusting deviant sex. in this case brown versus entertainment, the supreme court determined 7-2, that the state of california has no interest in restricting the sale of this game-- no interest in restricting the sales of that game to children. but, if while being disemboweled
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this woman were to suffer perhaps a nip slip, regulate away. personally, i don't know if video game violence affects children but i am worried that the games are affecting judges that have to look at them, like in the-- in the wisconsin supreme court... >> just anne walsh bradley is accusing fellow justice david proctor of trying to choke her during a heated debate. proffer denies it. >> what justice bradley says is she asked justice david proffer to leave. he put her neck in a choke hold. >> jon: judges fighting each other. sound look a case for my new show "court, court." literally, a bench-clearing brawl happening in the midst of of an ideologically charged debate over collective bargaining rights. it's the biggest political fight in receipt wisconsin history but
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it's he said/she said. how do we ever know who is right? the altercation allegedly took place in front of their court colleagues. >> jon: oh, my god. thank god. eyewitnesses. and not just any eyewitnesses. the other supreme court justices pillars of the wisconsin legal establishment, the very people entrusted with the solid judicial duty of weighing fact and determining justice. >> and they, too, are divide over exactly what happened. ( laughter ) >> jon: the other justices were there and they're still-- let me guess, party lines. they're divided on party lines. these are people whose job is interpreting what a dwrum group of dead founders were thinking and they're can't agree on what happened right in front of their ( bleep ) eyes. ( laughter ) i used to think your reality shaped your politics. it's clear now, your politics shapes reality. we'll be right back.
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: my guest tonight editor of the "the weekly standard." please welcome back to the program bill kristol. sir! ( applause ) bill! bill! what are we-- what are we doing? what are we doing? afghanistan. >> it's been a good show so far. >> jon: fine program, isn't it? >> it is a good program. i'm totally with you against the supreme court decision. >> jon: super mario boners. >> i'm not with you on that part. laugh ( laughter ) i saw you playing the game. >> jon: i have kids. i love video games, but i still think there is a certain limit to what-- i mean, once you start
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disemboweling your mortal combat opponent, i would think a 10-year-old should have to not be able to buy that. >> i think even a 25-year-old maybe shouldn't be able to buy that. i mean, it really is grotesque. i get that it's free speech, to protect our rights to political speech, -- >> it would be fun to play. i will say that. but, no-- >> you'red any at it i hear from your guys back there. >> jon: settle down. i have to have something to do during the day speaking of mortal combat. the president said he's going to pull out 10,000 troops and everybody is very nervous about that, but we do have to leave these places, like afghanistan and iraq, at some point, do we not? >> right, and we have left iraq in bulk and did so after a successful -- >> how many people do we have in iraq? >> 50,000. >> jon: that's not leaving. >> we were supposed to slope down to zero at the end of the year. that's where the surge worked.
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it became much more peaceful and we drew down, 130,000 of from the surge. president obama's surge in afghanistan worked pretty well. everyone agreed we were going to draw down. i'm worried he's drawing down too fast and abruptly. i wish he followed general petraeus' recommendation but everybody agrees we'll be out of the combat portion of it by 2014. >> jon: as a country, do you feel like this is proof positive that our whole mentality about fighting the war on terror has been wrong for 10 years? would you say now-- would you-- would you stand and face the camera and say-- and-- and-- button your coat-- and say, oh, my god. i had this so completely wrong, guys. >> no. >> jon: bout butt how can-- >> the whole country has been engaged in this. and i think on the whole doing the right thing. look, a war-- a world in which americans have to fight and have to be, in effect, the kind of world policemen is a difficult world for us.
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god knows we all hate to see young american men and women go over there and fight and get wounded and die. on the other hand, a world in which we don't do that is a more dangerous world. >> jon: isn't that a false choice because a world where, you know, in terrorism we play chak-a-moles. eight to 10 places, right? if covering two holes on the game costs $10 billion a month and countless american lives, how do we cover-- and does it make us any safer because even stabilizing iraq or stabilizing afghanistan doesn't make it a country where terror attacks cannotting plotted against the united states. in democracies, terror attacks are plotted against the united states. so isn't our whole strategy, as you and my people would say wrong? don't we have to change our strategy in huge ways? >> no, i don't think so. i don't think we should -- >> really. i that you you were going to go with me on that one. i thought i had you on that one.
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>> let me call michele bachman first and get my talking points from the likely next-- that was excellent. that was very good. >> jon: thank you. >> it's unusual. >> jon: it's not just the clips they show on fox. we actually do a whole program? >> is that right? >> jon: we do a whole program. >> you did well. you did well. i want to say you did well on fox news sunday and i think you have a possible future at fox news. >> jon: that's very kind of you. >> i think a few more tests -- >> jon: stop it. but i'm being serious-- >> we -- >> we can't do it. >> we can't but we're not doing it everywhere. in yemen and somalia we're using dropz. people would like to do it in the least-people-intensive way possible but that's not possible all over the place. >> jon: do we have unrealistic expectations about the idea of rebuilding countries that we in some ways helped unbuild? ( laughter )
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>> look, in afghanistan, we helped drive the soviets out of there. we pulled out of there in 89, 90 91. we know what happened in the next 10 years, the people in expwafg in terms of 9/11. i don't think we want to go through that again. if that means we have to keep 100,000 troops there forever, it's a war that was underresourced under president bush. president obama did the right thing, i think, in surging there and i think we can draw down as long as we do so responsibly. it's not easy, though, and there's no one solution for each part of the world, obviously. but we can't turn our backs on the world, jon. i know you would like to. i don't want to fight a strawman here. >> jon: i'm very fond of the world. ( laughter ) i don't want people to get hurt-- >> and the world is very fond of you. >> jon: right now, the military and military families are bearing an overwhelming weight of these wars, and it's not fair what they're going through, and i just feel like we have to come up way whole new strategy, that's all. ( applause )
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i'm always happy to have you on the show. >> i agree with the last statement to some degree. i do -- >> you qualify everything. >> if you go to the pentagon they'll say that, the army and marines are fighting the war and the rest of the country is watching. there's some truth to that. on the other hand it's hard to know how to help but there's a lot of truth that. >> jon: thanks so much for coming by. bill kristol, everybody.
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