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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  November 17, 2011 11:00pm-11:30pm PST

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you asking me to show puke videos much we will be gone until 2012. to shut you up until then i thought i would put one last bad taste in your mouth. (puking sounds) >> oh my god (puking) >> oh my god (puking) >> daniel: good night. maybe i will see you next year. ♪ >> november 17, 2011, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is is it "daily show" with jon
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stewart ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, everybody! welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart. man, do we have a good one tonight. my guest, martin scorsese. i'm going to get right to. we begin tonight-- he'll be out here. don't worry about it. we begin tonight with the republican race for the white house and a surprising new development. >> newt gingrich is surging in the polls. >> mr. gingrich at 32%. romney 19. cain 13. >> jon: stunning. and not just because gingrich is what you would diplomatically refer to as... likeability challenged. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but because in may of this year, his campaign was declared dead. >> it keeps getting worse and worse for newt gingrich. >> it newt finishes. >> charles krauthammer, just in two words. >> he's done. >> it is now functionally over for gingrich. >> jon: can't believe it.
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when newt gingrich was on his death bed, the media just divorced themselves from him. who does something like that? ( laughter ) but that's the political media. they care about two things-- are you anything to win ear are you dead?" bachmann got a taste of it back in july. >> look who is surging now. >> michele bachmann rockets up the ranks. >> michele bachmann. >> let's face it, michele bachmann has been surging in every single poll. >> jon: at this pace, by the time of the election, she'll be at 5,000%. she can't go wrong. but, sadly, not two months later. >> is it over for michele bachmann? >> that the end for michele bachmann? >> it's probably curtains for her ( laughter ). >> jon: yes, it's amazing what paying attention to a candidate can do to their candidacy. with the death of her campaign, who will rise to complete the circle of prolife? >> texas governor rick perry, jumping into the lead as new republican front-runner.
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>> jon: president perry! it is on this day, august 31, 2011, that i inaugurate rick perry, the 45th president of these united states. >> this dog don't hunt. rick perry is finished. he's out. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> jon: oh,. president perry, we hardly knew ye. so we stand once again alone, with our boulder at the bottom of the hill. hopefully, this boulder doesn't have the "n" word on it, but... ( applause ) who will push it up for us now? >> latest poll just out from quinnipiac university describe herman cain's rise to the top as "meterric." >> jon: all hail king cain! what happens to meet whors they hit the earth's atmosphere? >> is this the end of the road
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for herk an cain. >> stick a fork in the pizza guy. >> jon: how many times do i have to tell you people-- you do not eat pizza with a ( bleep ) fork ( cheers and applause ) you fold it, you stuff it, and you keep one hand free to go get the ( bleep ) away. so the names of the fallen sound out, bachmann, perry, cain. perhaps ron paul will now get his shot as the media front-runner. >> ron paul has no chance of being elected. ( laughter ) >> jon: his poll numbers actually have been consistent, not mercurial, and-- >> he's got no chance. >> jon: you've given everyone else a chance. forgod's say, a woman who never entered the race, sarah palin, got more heat from the media. >> if you get video of sarah palin, or get a soundbite from
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her, bring that back to us. you can hold the ron paul stuff. >> jon: uhhh... uhhh. the thought of covering him amuses me. ( laughter ) yeah. i wish my-- ( applause ) so the media has basically declared all four of those other candidates dead, yet somehow the zombies continue to be allowed to the podium. you know why that freaks me out? these people don't even know they're dead ( laughter ) it's like the entire republican primary is some type of n. knight shamalan picture. you are getting better at condensing the story lines. bachmann and perry got to bathe in the spotlight of being the front-runner like two months each. even cain got a month before they declared him dead. so now, yesterday, newt gingrich is declared your front-runner, which means we'll soon be
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finding out new reasones yes he sucks. >> newt gingrich, he's being dogged by a report that he earned $1.6 million consulting for mortgage giant freddie mac. >> jon: whoa! give it to them straight, doc. how long's he got? >> he's dead on arrival. >> i don't know if he'll survief this. >> it is corruption. >> jon: jack abramoff just called you corrupt. jack abramoff called you corrupt. ( laughter ) that's like the pope telling you, you've got a nice house. ( laughter ) sorry, newt, you're out. pack your knives and stay. we'll be right back. ( cheers
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( cheers and applause ). >> jon: welcome back. fleiss to see you. tonight, this is our final show. we have next week off. as you know, next week is thanksgiving. here are some thought on the holiday. we have an author of notsz, woman of letters. please welcome our new senior historical context correspondent, sarah vowell. sarah vowell, nice to see you ( cheers and applause ) let me be the first to say that th-- happy things. >> take that back, stewart.
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>> jon: what? take it back! why? >> thanksgiving is such an interior holiday, especially when there's a much better one the day after-- more stirring, more inspirational. it is called evacuation day. ( laughter ) >> jon: that's a little crass, don't you think? i mean, you're on npr. i know people eat turkey and rich foods, but i think what happens after that-- >> evacuation day commemorates the last british troops fleeing manhattan at the end of the revolutionary war in 1783. >> jon: see, i thought that was in-- in '97. >> no, we signed the treaty of paris in september of '83. >> jon: was that 18 or 17? >> you're familiar with july 4, 1776? >> jon: yes, i am ( laughter ) the declaration of independence! >> that's right, timmy. ( laughter )
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but you know the war didn't all take place on that one day. it started before that, and we fought the redcoats for seven more years. >> jon: yes, yes, yes. so why was evacuation day such a big deal? >> well, as the declaration of independence was being signed, 400 ships full of big, bad limey bastards started showing up in new york harbor to crush the piddly little army led by george washington. washington's troops were whooped, embarrassed, and humiliated until they retreated to new jersey in shame. ( laughter ) >> jon: i believe that was the new jersey state motto for a while ( laughter ). >> what was? >> jon: retreat here in shame. ( laughter ). >> that's right. this is about you. instead of the fact that this defeat meant that the british occupied our beloved new york for the next seven years.
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>> jon: i'm sure they were, you know, pleasant enough occupiers, famous for their hospitality. they had puddings, pies. >> they incarcerated thousands of american pows in these heinous rotting prison ships anchored this the east river. more american soldiers died in these new york prisons than in all battles of the revolutionary war combined. combined. >> jon: well, it sound like a lovely holiday. uhm-- so instead of thanksgiving you want americans to celebrate the 18th century abu ghraib. >> no! i want us to celebrate victory washington's triumphant return to the city he lost. americans are always so excited about the beginning of a war. what if we celebrated how we used to be good at ending them ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: all right, i'll bite. i'll bite. so how-- how do we-- how do we
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celebrate evacuation day? >> well, they used to reenact the evacuation's most dramatic moment-- when a brison ship survivor, john van arsdale, climbed a flag pole, ripped down the despicable union jack and put up the stars stars and strio the cheers will of the crowd! ( cheers ) thus, later evacuation day shindigs often included pole climbing contests ( laughter ) >> jon: wow. i wonder why that holiday ever died out? >> well you know who i blame? >> jon: i can only assume hitler ( laughter ). >> no, abraham ( bleep ) lincoln ( laughter ). >> jon: what! lincoln! what! >> when lincoln made thanksgiving a national holiday, evacuation day ended up like one of those shows scheduled opposite "american idol." we
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stopped honoring the 11,000 loyal patriots who perished on those british prison ships. they were offered freedom if they just swore aliegence to the crown, and they refused. you remember what patrick henry said? >> jon: yes. ( laughter ) mission accomplished? ( laughter ). >> no. "give me liberty or give me death." but you know how he died? ( laughter ) >> jon: he's dead? ( laughter ). >> yeah, yeah, but he died a quarter of a conchry later on his farm of stomach cancer. these prisoners, they literally chose death. shouldn't we thank them instead of some "mayflower" cruising jesus freak corn rustlers? ( cheers and applause ) displ you know, sarah, thanksgiving has a parade. >> oh, you never heard of the macy's evacuation day parade?
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( laughter ). >> jon: what are those balloons bloons? >> those are inflatable lice. prisoners were so hungry, they were known to snack on the lice off their shirts. >> jon: i'll make sure to get my kids down there the night before so we can watch them ipflat the lice. >> that's a good idea. just make sure they're home in time to watch the peanut's evacuation day special. >> can't anyone tell me why evacuation day is so much more meaningful than thanksgiving? >> you bet, charlie brown. evacuation day was a joyful relief from seven long years of hell. thousands of patriot corpses were buried in mass graves so shallow, body parts continuesed to wash ashore the next 20 years. it celebrates the weasley brits. ( cheers and applause ) >> happy evacuation day, jon!
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>> jon: happy evacuation day, everybody. sarah vowell. we'll be right back.
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( cheers and applause ). >> jon: my guest tonight is an academy award-winning director. >> i know you've been sitting
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across from the shops. >> jon: that's actually the whole movie. please welcome martin scorsese ( cheers and applause ) dispr nice to see you
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( cheers and applause ) whew! first of all, let me tell you, thank you so much for being here tonight. today is your birthday, for goodness sake ( cheers and applause ) it's so nice to see you. i went and saw this film last night. i don't normally do that because i don't normally respect my guests ( laughter ) it's a beautiful film. not the body count that i normally like to see in one of your films. but a beautiful-- just a really wonderful, lovely ode-- a love letter almost to film making. >> that's part of it.
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of course the boy who is 12 years old, assa butterfield, living in paris in 1931. this isolated kid gets involved with the older gentleman you saw played by ben kingsley, who turns out to be george melier, one of the great pioneers of cinema. he did have a toy store. 16 years after his life had been destroyed, after he created everything we do now in cinema, from jim cameron, spielberg, lucas, all comes from what he did. it does have a happy ending. >> jon: it has a wonderful ending. i didn't realize because it has so many fantastic and fantastical elements but i grabbed a little wikipedia today. it's a true story ( laughter ). >> it's true. he made about 500 films. when they found him at the station, 1928,, "they said you
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look like meluous. he said i am. he lost most of his financing when the bigger companies came in. what happened edison, here, also at that time, there was a lot going on with copyright and that sort of thing. but in any event, they said-- they took him in. they-- he was fetted everywhere around the world. i think he died in 1938. he was hoping to come to hollywood to work on a fantasy film in hollywood. >> jon: that's tremendous. there's a story edison had taken one of his films and showed it, and it became enormously popular in america but edison decided not to pay-- i guess what we would call in these days, royalties. >> that's right, that's right. so what happened is that he-- the film, i think was the famous one, "a trip to the moon."
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>> jon: when the moon get hit in the eye-- >> they were just taking the films and making dupees of them. that's one of the reasons why he was finished financially, ultimately. >> jon: in some ways edison, also the inventor of the phonograph and all those things, invented pirating movies ( laughter ). >> oh, yes. it's a great idea. if you want to see a film, put a nickel in here. >> jon: that's what i'm talking about. this is a 3d movie is this your first 3d. >> yes. >> jon: you pitched the idea to the studios. you said i have an idea fair movie. it's a 3d movie inside of a clock. >> but it looks great inside of the clock. i went up there and those-- that's what it is. that's what it is. it's amazing. i mean, we amplified somewhat based on brian's book, brian selznick. five years i was going to make the picture. things didn't turn out. my wife read the book and said,
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"it's for you." in the meantime-- in the meantime-- 12 years ago ( laughter ) we had a little girl. in the meantime, all this time-- when the kids come, they're small. >> jon: but they're not hampsters. >> no, but that's the point. they grow. when they grow, you know, they start to walk. they start to ask you questions, start to talk to you. you're living with this-- this-- you know, a person. >> jon: yes. >> and you have to answer these thing. so what happens the kid reads the book, she likes the book, helen liking the book and finally they all looked at me and said, "why don't you mach a picture your kids can see for once? what's the matter with you." >> i had asthma all the time when i was a kid. i was isolated. i couldn't splay sports or anything like that. i was kept in a room-- you know. ( laughter ) i did go out a little bit. they wouldn't let me out. >> jon: they kept you in a room somewhere.
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>> in the apartment, yes. i went out. i went out. i went to school and stuff like that. but i wasn't allowed to run or laugh. >> jon: what! >> the point is i'd start laughing and, you know -- >> but you have such a great laugh. >> well, that's why now. >> jon: so you sat in a room as a boy working on your laugh. ( laughter ). >> you had to. where i came from. >> jon: why isn't this a movie because this-- ( applause ) what an incredible film that would be. i think it would be wonderful. do you know how to fix clocks? because we could-- i. >> i didn't know any of that. >> jon: has this person that has grown in your house seen the film? >> yes, but she's only seen it three times. i said, "come, now. you have to get in there." >> jon: exactly. >> the minute i said i was going to do the film, all her and her friends yelled, "in 3d, right?"
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>> jon: it had to be in 3d. now that she's seen it does she comprehend what you do? >> well, she-- she was excited when that "shutter island" opened. of course she couldn't see any of that ( laughter ) the kid is like nine years old and asking, "dad,lyo is thisn this. look whose happening." so finally, we were doing some of the shots in london and she was there for the summer. and we were driving back in the car and she leaned over to me and said, "you know, i think this might be really interesting, this film." "no offense about "shutter island" but i think this-- and she had another idea, too, which was interesting. "why don't you find out what people like." ( laughter ) and then make a film. i said, i never thought of that. so you're thinking -- >> i love it.
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>> what happens, yes, the kids in the movie were wonderful. asa and chloe. >> jon: it's a wonderful film. it really is. thank god i was wearing 3d glasses because i was crying like an idiot. "hugo" in the theaters november 23. happy birthday to you, sir. thank you so much. >> thank you. ( cheers and applause )
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