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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  August 1, 2012 7:30pm-8:00pm PDT

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floggy-queafers? do you have any new gas in the works? why can kristen stewart cheat on r-pat? answer the -- wow. so apparently they were -- the frustrating reports were testing the line between questions and heckles. >> we haven't had another chance to ask him questions. >> this -- (bleep) this is say holy site for the polish people. show some respect. [ laughter ] >> jon: have a little decorum you (bleep) piece of (bleep). this is sacred mother (bleep) ground. now, why don't you and your friends go eat a (bleep). [ laughter ] this guy is cursing like a filipino diplomat i mean --
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[ laughter ] [cheers and applause] sorry. i stand corrected a diplomat to the philippines, not a phil pinot diplomat. my gaffe. [ laughter ] trouble in england for answering questions. trouble in poland for ignoring questions. i believe there was a third country romney visited in between the two. hopefully that is a place where people aren't so overly sensitive or prone to complaining or heckling. why was it? >> mitt romney visited israel this weekend. [ laughter ] >> jon: it could be worse. [ laughter ] i'm excited to see how he screws the pooch on this one. can he open a speech with "greetings future mormons? [ laughter ] or kept asking everyone in
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israel where the best of the baseball cap was. >> israel's achievements are a wonder of the modern world. these are achievements are a tribute to the resilience of the israeli people. >> jon: huh. no insults to anybody there. no indell began the behavior near sacred ground. romney spuing it off. >> your innovators and enter entrepreneurs have made the desert bloom and made for a better world. >> jon: okay now you are just kissing ass. and now delicious is the bouli. -- tebouli. i can't believe you made a salad with bullar wheat. >> i'm impressed with the thriving economy. >> jon: the language so beautiful it sounds like an
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angel with throat cancer. did he. he screwed up in england and poland but he managed to go there without saying anything offensive or horrible. >> speaking at a fund raiser he commented on the economic disparity between israel and the surrounding palestinian area saying quote do you notice such a dramatically stark difference in economic vitality, culture makes all the different. >> jon: missed it by that much. [ laughter ] so close! so romney appears to be saying that the palestinians are purely the architect of their own poverty, or if you prefer to look at the converse that jews are just culturally money-making mother (bleep). either way mwah! mr. romney doubled down. >> this morning he said israel
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was more profitable because it had the hand of providence. >> jon: he appears to be saying that while palestinian economy has roots in the culture god is also holding them down or israel's economic progress is the hand of providence and i'm going to assume that all the horrible (bleep) that happened to the jews prior to that was the han of providences middle finger. [ laughter ] in case you believe romney sijelling out israel and the palestinians, he is not. >> you notice a stark dins in economic vitality, he said and that is also between other countries near or next each other, chile and ecuador, mexico and the united states. culture makes all the difference. >> jon: you know like mississippi and new york romney 012. we turn to al magical.
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he's in the west bank. al, thank you for joining us. what is your take on governor romney's comments about these cultural differences? >> he's absolutely right, jon. i mean it's got to bet culture. look at the way these palestinians live. i mean, the house behind me looks like it was hit by a bulldozer, rubble everywhere. straighten up people, all right? >> jon: i'm not sure they are crazy about the rubble situation either. >> right but a superior culture like america or israel would see this rubble and make rubble-ade. [ laughter ] some type of rubble-related businesses, surplus rubble outlet store. produce rubble-related tv shows. this old rubble, flip this rubble. [ laughter ] rubble-hunter international. these guys are leaving schekles.
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i'd do it myself but i'm mexican. as governor romney said i just don't have the culture to pull it off. >> jon: have you by any chance while you've been over there, have you noticed any other factors other than culture that might have been contributing to less than healthy economic development there. starts with an o? >> oh, yeah the roads. it's like they don't even understand what they are for. roads are supposed to help you get to places but palestinians throw walls up. it's like living in a maze. no wonder traffic is backed up for months. >> jon: those are checkpoints. >> whatever they are called the advanced cultures have something called ez-pass, all right? [ laughter ] >> jon: yeah, i don't think that's -- [ applause ] >> i don't remember stopping every 20 feet on the jersey turnpike and having a guy with a gun probing me doo-dads, all
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right? they need better culture fronto. >> jon: they are not a cultural preference of the palestinians. the (bleep) they have to go through on a daily base. >> jon, kiss my ass. this say holy site, all right? show some respect. [cheers and applause] show some respect and shut the (bleep) up. >> jon: you shut the (bleep) up. >> you are not a holy site. >> jon: everything is say holy site over there. shut (bleep) (bleep). >> jon, all i'm saying is this -- culture is the only explanation for why the palestinians are less prosperous. how long have you palestinians lived around here? >> jon: i don't know thousands of years. >> right, and they still don't have their own country. all right, israel has been around for 60 years and counting florida they have two. [ laughter ] >> jon: thank you al. al magical, >> jon: welcome back.
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you guys -- do you remember dick cheney, kind of an older guy, about this high? but about this pleasant? [ laughter ] he's been out of spotlight for a little while but he got himself a fresh ticker and decided to take it out for a spin on national television. >> abc's jonathan carl has an exclusive interview with former vice president dick cheney. what he says mitt romney should look for in a vice presidential candidate. >> jon: oh, let me just -- why are you asking him? [ laughter ] i mean he was in charge of finding a vice president for george w. bush and picked himself. [ laughter ] who does that? [ laughter ] but all right, what does dick
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cheney look for in a vice president when he doesn't have a dick cheney type on his short list. >> the test to get on the small list has to be is this person capable of being president of the united states. >> jon: sure. that's a good point you pick the wrong vp you don't know what they are going to do. whether it's the thoughts on an invasion. >> we'll be greeted as liberators. >> jon: i'm sure it was or the strengths of post invasion not greeting. they are in the lost throes of the insurgency. >> jon: yeah, they were or the vp would engage in light hearted near manslaughter. >> vice president dick cheney has accidentally shot and injured a man during a hunting trip in texas. >> jon: do you remember that? remember that time -- that one time you thought your friend was a bird and shot him? >> in the face!
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in the face. >> jon: go on. any vice presidential searches gone awry in your memory? >> that was one of problems mccain had. i like governor palin. i don't think she passed that test. >> of being ready. >> of being ready to take over and i think that was a mistake. >> jon: oh, no you did not. [ laughter ] did you just call out john mccain? well you just woke up a cranky giant, my friend and it's on because folks we got ourselves a classic old man fight. >> let's get ready to grumble. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jon: old man fight! old man fight brought to you by old man smell. [ laughter ] a heady mix of discontinued colognes from the 1960's and
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belligerence. old man smell it's not cheap. time for round one. get off my lawn. are you going to take that mccain? >> i'm always glad to get the comments four years later. [ laughter ] >> jon: that is the scariest laugh i've ever heard in my life. it's not a laugh. it's the last sound you hear that john mccain has just ripped out your heart and holding it in front of your face missing something old friend? but obviously you didn't defeat cheney by ripping his heart out he does that every night and puts it by his bed. come on, counterpunch. >> i liked governor palin but
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based on her background she was only governor for two years. >> jon: and even then she couldn't get out soon enough. point cheney. keep it clean. round two. >> this frisbee is mine now. >> the respect the vice president. he and i had strong disagreements as to whether we should torture people or not. i don't think we should have. [audience reacts] >> jon: oh, i'm sorry, did i pick the wrong president you torture (bleep)! mccain not only played the torture card he licked the bag with the card and stuck it on cheney's forehead so you could see him playing it. a knockout. what an old man fight before we go though, i just want to thank the good people at old man smell, smelly my friend. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] man: there's a cattle guard, take a right.
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do you have any idea where you're going ? wherever the wind takes me. this is so off course. nature can surprise you sometimes... next time, you drive. next time, signal your turn. ...that's why we got a subaru. love wherever the road takes you.
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight an international economist. she's also a best selling author with a book called winner take all. please welcome to the program dambisa moyo. [cheers and applause] hello. thank you for being here. >> thank you. >> jon: nice to see you imnch to see you, thank you. >> jon: thank you for joining us. >> thank you. >> jon: the book is called
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"winner takes all." it's fascinating. you have cataloged that china has been tenaciously gathering commodities for the coming apoke apoke -- apocalypse. is that their plan? >> it's not their plan they have a big agenda in front of them. 1.3 billion people, 300 million people that live like us and a billion people living in dire poverty. their most important priority is to make sure they can deliver economic growth and improve livelihoods for the population jonches the way they've decided to do it is in the old ways, the way we would do it is we would conquer a nation and we would say, what do you have in that mountain? we'll take it. china has chosen a slightly different approach. what is their approach? >> their approach is much more friendly. they really are focused on sim
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buy yoasis. they are offering places like south america, africa and developed economies like canada and australia exactly what the places need. in the emerging markets where 90% of the world's population lives, people are incredibly poor but trying to improve livelihood. they need trade and investment. 60% of the population is under 24. they need job creation, something americans are familiar with. >> jon: sorry, job creation, i'm not actually familiar with that type of situation. [ laughter ] >> they are doing that. >> jon: the image that i have of china is of slave labor practice and rapacious terrible environmentalism but you are suggesting the countries, some of our allies, almost prefer dealing with the chinese. >> of course there are issues. there's always issues when two partners come together trying to engage in economic trade or foreign direct investment but i think china is getting a bad
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rap. if you go -- i've been fortunate enough to go to many places and you ask what do you think about the chinese by and large it's positive. people want jobs and to improve their lives and the chinese are willing to engage with. they it's not to say they are perfect. >> jon: i'm not an economist you've been to 50 countries. i've been to epcot center and the reputation of the chinese there not as positive. [ laughter ] how do you counter that? [ laughter ] >> well, the hard one to counter i'll tell you, jon. >> jon: what can we do? the idea is we have this enormous burgeoning population. they are going to need electricity. they are going to need water and all these things. we're going to start setting the market for those things. why aren't we doing that? why aren't we going to africa? we give aid around the world but are we also making commodities
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contract? >> i wish you were? i would america would take a much more positive lead around engagement in the markets. take the case of aids in particular. there's no country in the history of world that has achieved growth in the text theant aafrican countries rely on aid today. you look at the united states approach of economic development and it has left been wanting. people are antsy. it's been 50 years for many countries. look what is happening in india now. 300 people with no access to electricity over several days. they need electricity. we want america to be engaged in a positive way to deliver resources and a change in people's livelihoods there's a discourse going on, i think. >> jon: china does have the advantage of not having to take a vote. can they just -- aren't our mikaela hunt multinationals engaging in the markets? isn't exxon selling them coal and electricity and these things?
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>> the tone comes from the top. if you listen to the rhetoric that comes out of policy-makers in the united states it's egg in tism take africa for example. there's very rarely a zpution an africa being an investment destination or place for trade. it's got a billion people and less than 2% of world trade. they need investment and trade well. woe hope that american policy-makers would take the lead and say we want american companies to engage in africa instead of taking the approach that it's a case for charity. it's that discourse missing in american politics. >> jon: do you think they are afraid of corruption that goods on there and how does china face up to that? >> right. there's an unfortunate sense that china is more corrupt than some of the practices that we see coming from other countries around the world. i think that's -- of course there have been things like the foreign corrupt practices act of 1977 from the united states. >> jon: that was a great act.
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[ laughter ] one of the top. i remember that year. [ laughter ] sheena easton topped the charts. do you have five minutes to stick around and keep talking about china. not that we haven't exhausted topic because we have. i want to talk further if we could. the book is called "winner takes all." you should read this because once the chinese are ruling us they are probably going to make us learn it anyway dambisa
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: oh, that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. i just want to very quickly let you know that dambisa moyo knows more about everything than me. [ laughter ] here it is, your moment of zen. >> the campaign a new movie stars will ferrell. there's racy scenes in this but it really has quite a captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access ♪ i'm going down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ oh! hello, there, kids. welcome to lolly's candy shop. we're the kids whose names you called on your commercial. wthe shopping spree. oh, that's great. you bet your fat clown ass it is. okay. i'll just need your ticket stub. ticket stub? you know -- when you entered the contest, you got the other half of this ticket. oh [bleep] who has the ticket stub? it was such a long time ago! we don't really need the ticket stub, do we? don't need the ticket stub? are you high? how else do i know you're the winners? our names were called on the commercial last night. sorry, boys. no ticket stub, no candy shopping spree. if you find it, you can come back. but you only have one week to claim the prize. that's called a ticking clock. works great in the movies. [ bell jingles ]