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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  September 17, 2012 10:55am-11:25am PDT

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appreciate it. [cheers and applause] thank you very much. thank you. thanks a lot. captioning made possible by comedy central. captioned by mccaptioning services reseda, california. >> four years ago he made us hope again. >> yes, we can! >> now he wants to make us hope again-- again from charlotte, north carolina, this is the democratic national convention, hope and change, ii. it'd be less weird than if he didn't run.
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captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) my name is jon stewart. charlotte, north carolina. my guest tonight new york senator kirsten gillibrand. it 150es 1:00 on the east coast. i imagine the cowboys game wrapping up and tonight's speaker bill clinton is about a quarter of the way through. (laughter) (as clinton) you remember my tax relief bill in' 912348 let me recite it to you from memory. we have full team coverage starting with span that bee at the convention center. sam bee. >> i'm not there yet. a lot of security in charlotte. (laughter) i'm still at a checkpoint on church and west 10th. i can't get through, charlotte police tell me access point has been switched to the corner of south church and east third so i guess i'm going to head there. (applause)
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>> sam, don't bother. >> pelley: jessica williams? >> i'm at south church and east third. you're not going to get through here, it's locked down. state police tell me access point has been switched. it's now sixth and davisson which coincidentally is where i was an hour ago when i was sent here! >> pelley: jessica, why are you both on foot. we sent you in cars. >> good luck, i ditched my mine four hours ago. >> jon? >> john. >> al madrigal, tell me you've gotten inside the perimeter. >> i'm very close to the convention center. the bad news is that my camera guy didn't get in. (laughter) i asked one of the cops how to get a camera through the checkpoint he said "they brought me in from atlanta, how the (bleep) should i know?
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stphaoupl jason jones, are you there? >> i've done everything they've asked me to do. i've got 40 pounds of ye credentials around my neck. local cops, mall cops, i borrow add (bleep)ing segway and still i ran into a barricade and when they told know go back the other way i ran into another (bleep)ing barricade! >> jon: there's a lot of security, i guess, samantha. >> jon, the demilitarized zone between north and south korea has a lot of security. this (bleep) is insane! (cheers and applause). >> jon: well, thank you, guys, we'll check back in with you later. listen, last night. .. (applause) the audience appears to have had a similar experience. last night was the official opening of the democratic national convention, of course, the memory of last week's republican platitudethon is still fresh in everyone's mind.
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the convention that taught us that america is the greatest self-reliant mom and dad eagle creator that has ever existed in the history of jesus! let me refresh your memory. >> god bless our military men and women who are in harm's way today. >> respect the christian family concerned about decaying moral values. >> the united states of america is the greatest job generating opportunity-expanding country ever created! >> jon: yes, republicans we know god, faith, family, jobs, it's... sorry? oh, those were the democrats? (laughter) (bleep) really? yes, if you tuned in last night, not only would you have gotten a strong dose of supposedly republican-owned themes of family values, self-reliance and faith, the democrats even threw in some bonus patriotism, including talk of military families, sacrifice, and actual war heroes! in much the same way that last week the republicans loaded up their stage with diversity to fight the notion they're a party of white guys. last night, the democrats pushed
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back on their stereotype with so many soldiers and clergymen you could almost forget you were watching the democratic convention. >> i'm jewish, i'm gay, i'm a father. >> jon: almost. (laughter) (cheers and applause) of course, democrats had the diversity angle well covered by filling the convention hall with democrats. (laughter) yet, black people, asians, sikhs, jews, muslims, hippies! veterans! babies! 1940s boxing reporters! 1840s sheriffs! na'vi americans! gay service droids! muppet americans and, of course, newman! hello, newman! by the way, that was real. newman was actually there.
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(laughter) how effortlessly diverse is the democratic party? remember the folks at the r.n.c. overrising latino star marco rubio? the democrats have not only a rising latino star in santonio mayor julian castro, they have an extra one of him in case he breaks! it's unbelievable! democrats have so many latinos they've got doubles! (laughter) collect them all, trade with your friends. (laughter) but all of that was tangential to d.n.c. night one's prime directive: beating back the republican narrative that obama was a failed president who had accomplished nothing. and beat it back they did. >> president obama saved the auto industry. >> saved a million jobs. >> thanks to barack obama, james is working 60 hours a week on the jeep liberty line. >> yes! today james' life is endless toil and misery thanks to barack... oh.
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anyway, the point is... i'm sorry, you're not done? >> president obama has kept thousands of first responders on the job. >> he's saved the jobs of teachers. >> because of president obama's courage... >> he invested in clean energy, made health care a right. >> jon: made american babies 15% cuter! he invented a car that runs on hugs! president obama set up the jolly green giant with the statue of liberty. oh, yes, it seems obvious now! (laughter) anything else? >> when a violent egyptian mob stormed the israeli embassy in cairo it was president obama who intervened to ensuring the safety of the israelis. >> jon: what is he (bleep)ing iron man now? what are you talking about? (cheers and applause) look, we get it. obama's been busy. >> president obama has worked
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with our small businesses. president obama has walked with seniors. with our young people. with america's women. and president obama has walked with the hispanic community. >> jon: but when the hispanic community looked back, there was only one set of footprints. (laughter and applause) i'll tell you what, though, with that commitment to all that work my guess is it's the family life that's suffered. >> that's the man who sits down with me and our girls for dinner nearly every night. >> jon: and eats like a (bleep)ing horse. (laughter) you heard how much he walks, right? (laughter) saving jobs in the day, hispanic speed walking in the afternoon, sitting down with the kids at dinner. bedtime? >> every night president obama reads ten letters from everyday americans. (laughter).
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>> jon: i... i am a lazy as (bleep). (laughter) for more, our political correspondent john oliver. john, thank you for joining us. (cheers and applause) what a night. a lot of story telling by people who have been personally affected by obama's actions. >> jonactions.. >> and they're not alone, jon, i, too, have been touched by this president in a personal way. >> jon: jon, is that an immigration related issue? >> no, it isn't, bad guess. >> jon: all right. (laughter) jon, last year while covering a white house peres briefing i choked on a hot dog. (laughter) as i felt my life slipping from me suddenly there was president barack obama leaping over the rose bushes to catch me before i hit the ground! cradling my head gently upon his lap just like that he thrust his own fingers down my throat just
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so, yanked the obstruction clear and then as sweet oxygen filled my lungs once again he said the words that i will never forget. "can we get this man another hot dog?" (cheers and applause) >> jon: really. >> yes. yes. >> jon: he said you can have another hot dog? >> yes, he did. >> jon: you had just choked on a hot dog! >> exactly, jon, but president obama wouldn't let me give up! (laughter) and that is why he personally chewed that hot dog for me, tenderly recourag returpblg tate warm meat paste into my mouth like a mother bird. jon, can i tell you something? it was the greatest hot dog i've ever tasted. (audience reacts) ever. and it gets better. it didn't stop there. president obama then helped me open up my own small business. selling high-quality predigested
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hot dogs at reasonable prices, jon. i would love for you to try some if you have time. >> jon: you... you brought some samples here. >> kind of, right there... (gagging). >> jon: all right, thank you very much. that's okay. but the store i have is a little much, don't you think? it's all been a little much. >> of course. they all are. but look at what the democrats are up against, jon. last week republicans spent their entire convention constructing a fictional obama and ininvisible chair-bound tyrant hell-bent on destroying america. it's frankly only natural that democrats would counter with their own mythical obama-- still invisible, but this time sitting on a significantly different chair. (laughter) oh, what's that, chair? what's that? well, i can't tell jon to go do that to himself. okay, chair, if you inn cyst. jon, the chair says go (bleep) yourself. (laughter)
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>> jon: the chair? thank you, john oliver, everybo a%d2ú$h>2:fx
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welcome back to the show. thank you for joining us. if i may, tolerance, it's one of the basic tenants of the democratic party. but is there truly room for everyone under the d.n.c.'s big tent? the best (bleep)ing news team has more. >> there's one key message at the democratic national convention that's not in dispute. >> we are the big tent party. we represent everyone. >> we're definitely the arms
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wide open party. >> we're the party of inclusion. >> we have just about everybody you can possibly imagine in the party. >> yes, they were open to everybody. >> basically latinos, hispanics, black, the l.g.b.t. community, women. >> everyone's welcome. >> everyone's welcome. >> except... >> except unless you own a corporation or if you're a hunter, a gun owner, white males. >> really, you want to lose all the white males? >> they're a bunch of gun toting hillbilly tea partiers. that's all i have to say. bang, bang, bang. >> bunch of jerkoffs, right? >> definitely. >> how open are you? >> well, open enough to include everybody. >> oh, really. who wouldn't you include? >> those beer toting fakeers down in florida. the tampa convention guys. >> you know the types. >> pot bellies. >> churchgoing. >> small minded. >> antiscience. >> yosemite sam hillbillies. >> whack jobs, evangelicals, gun nuts. >> they don't want to hear a message of difference and hope. >> what can you and i teach
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these whack jobs about inclusion? you go first. >> you can't teach them anything. >> don't have a clue about science. very questionable on any kind of thought that involves more than two or three sentences. (laughter) >> we are the big tent party and we will let most anybody in unless, of course they're carrying guns. >> right, who needs that 146 million people in your party? >> the democratic party, we don't stereotype or generalize. >> the tea baggers generalize. >> this has been historically the party of tolerance. >> the tea baggers are the least tolerant group i have ever seen. can. >> are you saying they're more disciplined. >> evil. even before it was appropriate, actually. >> these christian evangelicals don't get it because i don't believe they ever actually read the bible. >> i have a feeling they have read it. >> well, possibly but didn't... >> no, more than possibly.
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>> this is so inclusive. you know, we even invite the redneck freaks in. (laughter) >> we don't judge. >> what don't they get about tolerance? >> i would never call a redneck a name. (laughter) >> i don't know. i'm thinking like a couple of teeth, you know? hair out of place. maybe a nice gut. >> look whoo! >> yeah. >> hey, we're gonna go down to tampa and we're gonna through a big party and i'm gonna put on my clean t-shirt and brush my tooth! let's go! pow, pow! do it! >> pow, pow! >> the world would be very beautiful if we could just accept everybody's differences. >> exactly. accept everyone's differences. >> uh-huh. >> everyone's differences. >> yes. >> we need to accept everyone. >> you mean i should accept them? is that what you're saying?
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(laughter) >> jon: thank you, sam and 4h$h
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>> jon: welcome back! my guest tonight, she is the junior senator representing the great state of new york. welcome back to the program senator kirsten gillibrand. hello! (cheers and applause) i want to thank you for coming. we saved a little time and i thought it worked out very nicely. senator, are you having a nice time at your party's party? >> yes. >> jon: how has it been going so far with you? >> i thought michelle obama was amazing last night. did you guys think she was amazing? (cheers and applause) incredible! so moving. such a beautiful speech.
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>> jon: how does it feel in... you know, it will be 10,000, 15,000 people in there. how does it feel in that hall because obviously we can't get passes. (laughter) so was it very emotional for the people in the theater? >> well, i watched her speech from television and... >> jon: oh, you don't have passes? (laughter) >> (laughs) (laughter). >> jon: i will work on that for you. i will get you some passes. >> but they showed all the women crying. she really connected with people and talked about everyday people and their struggles and what it means to be... what her values are, what president obama's values are. i thought it was amazing. >> it's interesting, too, because within there there's all this talk about there's not that much enthusiasm for the democrats but when you watch it on television-- and i was just down in tampa, there seemed to be a palpable electricity that was somewhat missing from the other... (laughter). and not to call it "moribund"
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or... (laughter). "zombiesque". (laughter) or a cruise ship that had been struck with a terrible stomach flu. (laughter) it was now just circling curacao for two to three days. but it seemed to be a very electric atmosphere. >> yes. (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> jon: what's your sense... you know, everybody's talking about women, they're the... boy, that's the... as though it's a sort of a... this block of... oh, we know it's up for grab this is year, women. (laughter) what's your sense of that demographic and what's going on? >> i think women's voices are going to be unbelievably important to this election and i hope that every woman watching will vote! (cheers and applause)
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i think... >> jon: yeah, they're all right. i think there's a real choice and there's a real difference about values and who we're fighting for and i think women are fundamentally engaged in this election not only because of the reproductive rights issues but also because of the economic issues. equal pay for equal work, access to capital for small business. >> jon: that's a big one. the equal pay thing strikes me as how is that enforced... i've read things that at the white house, the women in the white house don't make the same money that men do in the same positions. if that can't tkpw b done at the white house where they signed the law what hope do we have... does he walk around and go "let me see your check." how do you enforce that. lily ledbetter said herself "i didn't know for 20 years." that. >> that's why the first bill president obama signed was the lily ledbetter fair pay act and that allows women as soon as they find out that they've been discriminated against in pay then they can file a lawsuit. it doesn't have to be when it started because you might not
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know for 20 years. so that gives women more empowerment to be able to fight for themselves and fight for fair pay and equal pay for equal work. (applause). >> jon: do you think we'll see a day in the senate where it's more equal? even now you look at the senate and there are not that many female voices in the senate. >> right. look, we only have 17 women in the senate. we only have 17%. >> jon: and yet women are 18% of the... >> 51%! 51! this is what i often say. if we had 51% of women in congress, do you think we'd be debating birth control? (cheers and applause) no! we'd be debating the economy and jobs and how we create economic engines and help our small businesses and national security and everything else that really, really matters. and so we need more women in congress! (cheers and applause). >> jon: so what you're basically saying is if we had more women in congress they wouldn't come up with
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distracting type issues. that they would be more focused on real issues. >> and one other thing... (laughter). >> jon: you're going let me get away with that? >> well, women are often very good at building bipartisan consensus. we're good listeners, we bring people together. (laughter) is that not true? the that not true. >> jon: somebody's got to change the lightbulbs. (audience reacts) wait a minute. she just (bleep) on men as being able to find consensus and compromise and i make a joke about well, at least we can change a lightbulb and you're like "that's sexist"? (laughter) >> jon: well, it's not male voices... male voices are important. it's the combination of them... (laughter). it's that... (cheers and applause) >> jon: can i tell you... i'm married so i know the deal. (laughter) (cheers and applause) can you stick around?
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senator kirsten gillibrand. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)