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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  August 19, 2013 9:00am-9:31am PDT

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> well come to the daily show. welcome. mi john olver, i'm still sitting in for jon stewart who is currently on an uninhabited island in the pas civic learning about the human condition and befriending a volleyball. our guests tonight here to discuss his one man show unconstitutional colin quinn is going to be here. (cheers and applause)
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very funny man. but we start tonight with our love affair with fast food. well, not some of a love affair as an unhealthy one way relationship with something that is trying to kill us. (laughter) but lately that relationship has become a bit more strained. >> a nationwide push workers calling for a much higher minimum wage. >> workers at mcdonald's, wendiesing domino pizza and more will walk off the job today. here's what they're asking for. the right to unionize and an increase in wages from $7.50 an hour to $15 an hour. >> make our wages supersized. (cheers and applause) >> yes, yes. corporations be less greedy, give our wallets diabetes! yeah, yeah. if you want my-- [bleep] your happy meal. yes.
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look. this is clearly a complicated issue. and there are obviously economic consequences to any action and reasonable people can disagree on how to help low income families whether it's with wages, tax cuts or golden tickets that may or may not lead to future ownership of a chocolate factory. but how can these fast food workers even be sure their company can afford to give them raises. >> mcdonald's made 5.5 billion dollars in profits alone last year. >> yeah. >> okay then. to be honest i didn't realize the golden arches were literally 24 karat gold. also, also, just to be honest, that 5.5 billion isn't all from food sales. two-thirds of that, the hamburgler made by speculating on futures. totally legal, that's the incredible thing. he didn't commit a crime. look, deep down most businesses would love to help the most vul
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never-- vulnerable members of society. their question is just what's in it for them. >> you put money in the pockets of workers, they're going to spend t often at the very establishments they're working at it will fuel a positive cycle. >> if we were to raise the federal minimum wage to 10.10 an hour that would generate about $32 billion in increased consumer spending. >> well, that would be good news for everyone. $32 billion, fast food workers would make more money it they would then spend that money on more fast food, meaning that they would have to spend more money in turn on imodium to combat the inevitable diarrhea, cha-cha ching. so that is the case for a higher wage. what is the case against. >> only in america can our politicians bemoan a livable wage for getting alot of folks would be grateful for any wage. >> people are not in poverty because they are making minimum wage. >> what we are talking about is rewarding mediocrity. >> the first step on the lad certificate not to be comfortable. you're not supposed to be hanging out there. so you double the salary, you turn that rung into a hammock.
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>> exactly. you remove the incentive. if you raise the minimum wage, people will never stop working in the fast-food industry. they'll get so comfortable in those hot kitchens and in their acrylic uniforms, relaxing in that grease fog selling like processed meat no matter how many showers they take. of course-- (cheers and applause) >> it's luxury. it's luxury. that's his point. kind of. of course he's also going to be business for the same stupid stuff on television industry. well, not some of an industry as a company. but when you think about it-- when you think about it, if you think abouting it, they actually work very much along the lines of the fast food business model. they sell you something that looks appetizing but leaves you feeling nauseous for hours afterwards. and anyway, if these workers want a raise, why don't they
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ask their liberal messiah. >> what a sad commentary it is that in the obama economy we're sitting around a table talking about people begging for minimum-wage increases. if the economy were strong, mcdonald's would be paying higher wages. >> yes. because that's how capitalism works. companies ailes pass on higher profits to their lower level workers. that's a fact. that's just-- that's how the system operates. (applause) >> every one remembers how during the economic boon of the 90s fast food workers were just flinging pizzas out of their rolls-royces. but it took fox new's neil cavutoo to lend this argument the personal touch. >> that doesn't look anything like me. anyway, what i am about to say isn't what we call demo friendly. when i was a kid would you
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be grateful for any job you could find. >> let me stop you right there. because first of all, you don't get to joke that sounding like a cranky old man is not demo friendly. because you must be well aware that the median age of the fox new audience is over 65 years old. or how much older? well, no one knows because, and this is true, nielsen stops counting at 65. but i'm sorry, you were romant sizing your childhood. >> all i know is as soon as i turned 16 and heard that a fast-food chain called arthur --ers was opening a store, i got the job. and soon located to relief manager. then weekend manager, then by the tender age of 16 and a half years old-- full-time manager, yeah, it's true. it all started at $2 an hour. >> unfortunately working at arthur --ers was apparently the last job neil cavutoo was actually qualified for because he is certainly not qualified for his current
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position as financial analyst. because as others have noted the median fast food worker today is actually a 28-year-old adult, and not a 16-year-old neil cavuto getting his first job to earn money for beer and porn. and-- further more, cavuto's $2 an hour wage in 1974 adjusted for inflation would today be worth nearly $9.50 which is more than $2 more than today's minimum wage. but-- it's amazing. (cheers and applause) >> it's incredible. it's incredible that he has the incentive to leave that for his high paid job on television right now. he really pulled himself up by his boot staps. now to be fair, when they saw that some of these protestors were adults with children some folks, commentators did acknowledge it. but it's somehow seemed to make them even more angry. >> the guy there he has a woman next to him way baby,
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she was crad kraed elling a baby and talking about not feeding his kids. somehow it's mcdonald's responsibility to feed all her kid those matter how many she has. >> whoa, no matter how many she has. you're talking about an adult, not a poodle. oh, i'm so sick of these get rich welfare mothers asking for handouts, mooching paychecks from their employers in exchange for the work they just have done for them. it sickens me, the general consensus seems to be that the minimum wage is like a thai massage f 2 doesn't hurt, it's not work. and no one knows that bet their fox business anchor tracy byrnes wrnls the goal is life is not to be on minimum wage forever. your goal is to do a great job and get promoted and move out of it. so this notion that we will keep raising it just to share the wealth because, well, we're almost socialists anyway at this point is ridiculous. >> wow, woe whoa, whoa, that's ferr fewing what she
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just said wochlt would have thought that the line between capitalism and communism in america is a double digit minimum wage. i have to say that bomb looks familiar. i think i've seen her expressing sympathy for low wage earners and the poor before. >> it's interesting whenever the rich want a tax cut somehow we can afford it but when we have to -- >> 250,000 is not rich. you lived in the city long enough to know that, it is not rich for a family of four sending kids to college. it actually is close to poverty. >> that's right, that's right, hey, she's right! she's right. if you want to earn tracy byrnes sympathy come back when are you making a quarter million dollars a year. then will you know what poverty is really all about. clearly tracy byrnes apple did not fall far from the tree. but that's not the point. look, look, look. i don't often like to dabble in service journalism. frankly i think it's beneath me. but i would like to do the
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fast food workers of america a favor right now. you see these faces next to me, all these people have been saying terrible things about you. so i want you to remember these faces. and if any of these people happen to come into your restaurant, i'm not say shall did -- i'm not saying you should give them the special sauce, i'm just saying i think it's pretty clear they deserve telephone. we'll be right back
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>> welcome back. there has been disspiriting news of the intractable war in sir ya, the collapse of egyptian democracy and the decision to extend under the dome from a miniseries to a full-fledged series. they're under a dome. they're going to run out of supplies. they're under a dome. the premise is not sustainable. they're in a dome. but at least this summer does have one thing over this time last year. there is not an election going on. >> there could be the first shots fired in the battle for 2016. >> ready for 2016. >> the war of words between governor chris christie and senator rand paul. >> first if started on national security, then it turned to pork barrel spending.
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>> is this a preview of 2016. >> no, media, naughty media. you are not allowed to did this. if you don't play with the last president we got you, we're not getting you another one. now let's all just take a breath here, christie versus paul seems like pretty standard one poll figures bickering with another one. it can't be he raised-- a race if only one party vunning so let's all just relax. >> get ready for all hillary, all the time. in the past couple of weeks the drumbeat is getting louder for a 2016 presidential run by the former senator, secretary of state and first lady. >> no, no, no! now we have to introduce our new segment, can't you at least wait until jon stewart gets back? please! (cheers and applause) >> please, endless presidential races are really more his kind of thing and he's back in september when will you still have over three years
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until the election. the last one of which let me remind you end you less than nine months ago. why this sudden outbreak of early onset 2016 fever? >> she had a breakfast with joe biden. >> there she was yesterday, lunching with the president. >> they had pasta, salad, grilled chicken and now a day later, the next day she's device president's residence for scrambled eggs. what was that all about? >> yeah, what is that all about, joe biden? learn to be a better host. don't just swirl some eggs in a pan. make some waffles or a quiche. go down to the farmer's market and get some fresh seasonal barries for god's saix. you're entertaining the woman swho going to beat new the next democratic primary. but no, john, don't get sucked in. don't get sucked in. but nowhere was the news that a woman ate an unprecedentsed two meals, greeted with more
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uncomfortably intense enthusiasm than with chris matthews. >> very flattering picture of her and the president sitting as equals as the president sitting with another president. very presidential picture over in the rose garden. she now is looking fabulous. i don't know, i know i shouldn't talk about looks with a woman but i'm just saying the way she is presenting herself, it always gets me in trouble. i will say it again. the dark suit, the haircut, everything said this person looks ready for prime time. she looks presidential as hell. i will just put it that way. >> putting it that way does not help it how do you make the word presidential sound pervie? just a little tip to chris matthews, when you say you shouldn't talk about something, why not not actually talk about it? that way everyone wins. but look, i guess we have no choice. if the 2016 election is really getting launched, we're going have to cover it i can't believe i'm going to say this, let's go right out to jessica williams who is koferk hillary clinton's campaign tonight in new hampshire.
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jessica, jessica,. >> john, i do not want to be here! not at all. >> no one wants this, jess, that's why it's journalism. but how are the people of new hampshire reacting? >> well, mainly they seem confused to see a black person up here in a nonelection year. >> that's understandable. that's understandable, jess ka. i've got to ask, have you been able to ask any voters there about 2016. >> oh, yeah. and their reactions are all over the map from what is your problem? to why can't the media just leave me alone? i'm just trying to live my life for 10 minutes. but overall john there is a solid majority going for [bleep] you. >> okay. those are good results. thanks, jessica. >> thank you. >> you stay up there, only 39 months to go. >> no oooo! >> jessica williams,
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(cheers and applause) welcome back. our guest tonight an exceptionally funny comedian whose one man show unconstitutional is currently playing here in new york.
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please welcome back to the show the wonderful colin quinn. (cheers and applause) well, well, well. what a web we weave. >> so unconstitutional. >> yes. >> about the u.s. constitution. >> that's correct. >> of course the single greatest four page document in history that very few people have ever actually read. >> yes. >> right? >> it's good. why do americans see the constitution as being so vook sank? >> first of all, don't ever use that word around me again. i know what it means. i'm worried about you guys, seriously, oh, sorry. >> you're so good as always getting an audience on side. you are so good. >> i'm just being honest. >> are you so good at burying your inherent likability and replacing it with a monster.
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jon said not to let you do that. >> people find me arrogant. >> he won't let dow that he said if colin puts his feet up, kick them. >> i understand tings are not going well on jon's film. >> that's not true. why would you-- that's not true. don't listen to a word he says. this man is a professional liar. >> i heard-- i heard some bad things about him. tyrannical is the word they use in jordan, by the way. >> a jordan tir ran call tlarx supper case t on tir ran call. >> i'm trying to help-u-sell your show. >> i know that. >> next week here in new york. why are you here? why are you even here? >> just having a little witty want we are an english person here in the states. >> we invented banter. >> i know you did. >> so i saw the show on monday. >> i know, thank you for coming. >> you're welcome. thank you for performing it with me there. >> thank you. >> i really enjoyed it. the thing about the constitution is, during the constitutional convention in
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1787 thomas jefferson wrote to john adams and said it really is an assembly of demi gods. they were not short on confidence were they. >> and those who weren't even there. >> they were in paris and london. >> may i say one thing, not to start a conflict but that is what i do, how come you got this great quote that i never did even though i'm doing a whole show on it. i look like an idiot now. >> it's amazing, isn't it. >> yeah,. >> demi gods. which is true, if demi gods meant very drunk white men. >> yes. >> because-- isn't that what demi gods means. >> there was a lot of alcohol at that convention. >> they were giant punch bowls filled with liquor every day. we had a bill, you know, googled a bill on-line of the original bill. >> did you. >> there is a lot more -- >> like i said it was just a copy but -- . >> it was cool never the old days like we unearthed a bill. >> they were really drinking to smooth through negotiations, maybe there is
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a lesson for congress in that, just get wasted. >> i tell you what to do. >> you know what, you're right. >> let's compromise. >> you are 100% right. because look nowadays congress wants to get out of there so they can go drink and smoke. and this was, the incentive was to stay because you got free liquor and cigarettes. i know nobody smokes now but you know. >> here is another quote which will annoy you. americans are very, very defensive of the constitution. but the founders, the founders didn't see that. what ben franklin, benjamin, mr. franklin said there are several parts of this constitution which i do not at present approve but i'm not sure, i shall never approve them. then he said he would accept the constitution because i expect no better and because i'm not sure it is not the best. what a ringing endorsement that was. my name is benjamin franklin and i kind of approve this message. >> right. >> well first of all there are like six double negatives in there he was
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also a big sex cub guy tlarx is the other thing i found out. >> you try to read all the deep profound things about these guys and you see sex club and i spend 20 minutes i want to read about that. >> that shows you can take the man out of the massachusetts but you can't take the massachusetts out of the man. >> i don't get that but i'm going along with it anyways. >> i don't want to be stupid. i'm like ha, good one, john. i don't know. all presidents claim to be big defenders of the constitution but i think we know deep down that there has never been a better defender of the founding documents than nicholas cage, have-- at the end of the day. at the end of the day. chors plaus. >> he fought for them. he really -- >> he really would have died for them, yeah. >> it ends this run ends here in new york next week on friday. >> sure, thursday. but yeah. >> friday, do another show. >> in england it's friday
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and then you're off on tour to the 13 colonies tour. >> the original 13, suck it, arkansas. no colin for you. >> i loved it i loved the show, very funny. the constitution is hilarious, by the way. thank you so much. >> thanks, john. >> (cheers and applause) >> colin quinn. ///
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captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> that's our show, thank you for watching and or listening. my sendoff show episode 12 is on tomorrow night, on comedy central. we'll be here all next week. please join us. here it is, your moment of zen. >> once i got the opportunity, i was in business. so kids i want to you listen up. never talk a good job down.