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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  September 19, 2013 7:25pm-7:56pm PDT

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constitutes a minor shooting incidents? >> shooting in an apartment, harassing a coworker by shooting out his tires. >> jon: shooting someone's tires out is not harassment. harassment of a construction worker, is hey, that's a nice hard hat, does it come in men's colors. that's harassment. >> the texas shooting case led to alexis' discharge from the navy reserves. >> . >> jon: oh, well then i guess the navy as per standard procedure had those records mulched and fed to hungry dolphins where the records were pooped on to the ocean floor. you know what, that's all in the past. that's the past. there's probably nothing within the past month that would have given pause to the shot gun background checkers. >> just last month there was an incident in newport, rhode island. alexis called police there on august 7th to say he was hearing voices and that people were talking him and using a microwave to send vibrations into his body.
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[laughter] >> jon: this is why i use a hibachi. [laughter] because when it tells me to kill people, it speaks in a language i don't understand. so if only all our law enforcement systems had been able to communicate with one another and share all this very pertinent information, a reasonable might conclude the shooter never would have gotten his hands on that shotgun. unless that reasonable person is familiar with our nation's background gun check laws. >> under the gun control act, this individual was not prohibited from purchasing firearms. he wasn't a convicted felon. he was not an illegal alien. he was not dishonorably discharged from the military, nor was he found mentally defective by a court, so therefore he was able to go into
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a gun store and buy a gun. >> jon: get it. even if the gun store owner was aware that this guy heard voices and had been arrested on gun charges that had gotten him discharged from the navy reserves, that man still would have passed a background check with flying crazy. [laughter] but all of this raises a larger question: why is it that guns are the one danger we seem utterly unable to this anything about in any way? >> this is one of the provisions of the bill of rights that the founding framers of our constitution felt so passionately about that they made sure was included in our constitution as part of the first ten amendments to the constitution. >> jon: god. dammit. well, i guess we just have to accept whatever the consequences are of an armed-to-the-teeth nation per our founding fathers, like terrorism, and even though
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the government would like to have a role in preventing terrorism, but their hands are tied by the constitution, like we found out the nsa was collecting our phone records. what do you say, jon cornyn? >> this is not somewhere where the president or the intelligence community is running like a rogue elephant, trampling our civil liberties. i think we ought to lower our language and our rhetoric a little bit and be conscious of what's at stake, and what's at stake is the safety and security of the american people. >> jon: so with guns the constitution is ironclad, but with terrorism it's a list of suggestions. [laughter] how about while protecting people's right to bear arm, we beef up enforcement. >> your right the bear arms shall not be infringed upon. >> jon: what about your right to worship freely without government surveillance? >> should the f.b.i. now be allowed to go and wiretap and surveil? >> no.
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>> why not? >> because... >> i think this is a great case for opening up that line of questioning. jon: so if you believe mohamed is god's messenger on earth, that's probable cause, but if you believe a microwave is god's messenger on earth and you want to buy a gun... when it comes to gun, the constitution says we don't have to answer any questions. >> why should my constitutional right be limited because you don't understand why i want a gun? >> jon: maybe i'm an octopus. [applause] maybe i'm an octopus and i'm being attacked by a squid. you don't know my life. don't judge me. [laughter] and why should my constitutional rights be limited because you don't understand why i don't want the government to have my
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phone number? >> the way you protect the homeland is you try the find out what the enemy is up to. i'm a verizon customer. it doesn't bother me one bit for the national security administration to have my phone number. >> jon: because that's stopping terrorism. you know, he digiacomo fines mass -- if you define mass shooting as four or more people getting shot, we've had 250, we've only had 260 days. our mass shooting average is 96%. our mass shooting scores shouldn't be that much higher than our path and science score. there have been more mass shooting days and that jewish holidays and there are a [bleeped] load of jewish holidays. i'm just telling you. [applause] i think... my guess is it's probably a jewish holiday about how many mass shootings. i don't know. when it comes to terrorism, a terrible crime that doesn't kill
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a whole will the of americans every year, we're willing to bargain away the entire bill of rights. why is that? >> we are in a war. fight the damn war. we're not dealing with traditional soldiers who wear the uniforms of a country. we're dealing with enemy combatants. the constitution is not a suicide pact. >> jon: well, i'm pretty sure it's not a homicide pact either. we'll be right back. á
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>> hey, welcome back. you know, here in new york, here in new york and the northeast, we have our own special brand of warmth. that sums up as, you looking at me? admittedly, our southern brothers could teach us a lesson in manners, or so we thought. we have more. >> the south is known for its hospitality, so you can imagine when georgia asked tennessee for a little drinking water that the
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volunteer state would be more than happy to help. >> georgia can keep its greedy hands off our land and its thirsty mouths away from our water. >> it's our land, it's our water. the border was drawn almost 200 years ago. the land has been tennessee's for almost 200 years. we're going to defend our border and protect our resources. >> okay. well, i guess the problem is that georgia wants to move the border from here all the way here, where it was originally meant to be before a surveying error cost them access to the river. did a county chairman ted rumley? >> it's actually our land according to our survey rights. we're in dire need of water. atlanta especially the atlanta region. >> is that why honey boo boo is forced to drink so many red bulls, because of the water shortage? >> i don't know who you're talking about. >> the most famous person in your state. >> let me tell you something. >> you don't fool with people. it's really a serious issue for
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the state of georgia. it's not something really, you know to, joke about. >> of course it isn't. and we all know what happens to funny city people in rural georgia. >> what the hell you think you're doing? >> to outsiders, they might seem like bickering siblings, but the battle for the jasper-chattanooga corridor is already getting bloody. >> georgia don't need to be trying to come over into tennessee and take something that's not theirs. >> but they're people, just like you. >> i don't really give a [bleeped]. >> what do you think of georgia's claim to this territory we're on right now? >> no, this is tennessee. >> i realize we're in tennessee, but georgia thinks it's georgia. >> we're in tennessee. >> you're actually from georgia. >> yes, sir. yes, sir. >> i got to be honest, you look and sound like you're from tennessee. >> oh, buddy, no, not at all. >> you guys are really different? >> 100% different. >> obesity rates are pretty similar. >> obesity rates, well, if you can get a double-dog
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cheeseburger for $1, buddy, that's the way you got to goment >> unfortunately this raging conflict has forced the citizens to fortify their cars as protection against the constant rocket fire across the borders. >> i'm a quarter of a mile away from the georgia line and you can't move state borders. >> is it difficult living on the front line? >> no. >> when was the last rocket attack. >> there's never been one here. >> how did it get so [bleeped] then? >> this is a great area. great area. >> for meth. >> yes, just like the palestinian-israeli conflict, this intractable war over a tiny slice of lab has no end in sight. >> so you are like the palestinians in this scenario, right? >> we're actually the georgians that's trying to correct a wrong. >> would you say you're like the israelis in this conflict? >> israelis? we ain't jewish. >> sadly, hatred between these
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groups has led to ugly stereotypes. >> studies have shown that the people of atlanta use 50% more water per person than chattanoogaians. >> so they're excessive water users? i mean, isn't that just an old stereotype? >> listen, we'd be happy to send some of our scientists and others down. >> when you say scientist, you're basically calling the people from georgia stupid. >> hey, mister, look, we just turn it on. that's all we know about water. that's basically what you're saying about the people in georgia. yes, it's gotten so bad, they refuse to see each other as human. >> you know what they do down there? >> what? >> butt chug. >> what's that? >> they go out and they funnel different kind of beers in their sphincters, in their rectums. >> so in georgia beer goes in the mouth, and in tennessee beer goes in the... >> anus. >> just when it seemed darkest,
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a solution presented itself. so there is a road map to peace? >> there is. >> and does it or does it not lead to a hooters? >> well, that's your... i don't know. >> is there a hooters nearby? >> 30 miles. >> but if the hooters' summit were ever to become a reality, we need to start with simple gestures. the people from georgia sent a peace offering. move that up a little more. there you go. do what you people do. i can give you some privacy if you want to just chug that in private. >> i'm good. thanks. >> jon: that's so not right. we'll be right
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>> [cheering and applause] >> welcome back. my guest tonight, a fine actor. his new film is called "prisoners." >> you promised me you'd keep him in custody, right, and you didn't. right now when i grabbed him in the parking lot, he said right to my face, "they didn't cry until i left them." right now to my face. >> he said that >> what did i just say? in the parking lot, before you grabbed me off him. >> did anyone else hear besides you? >> i don't know. it was quiet. he said it to me. he wanted me to know. >> are you sure he said that? >> what?
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>> are you sure that's what he said? >> jesus, you think i'm making this up? >> no. >> why would i make that up? >> hey, hey, hey. >> no, think about it, why would i make this up? >> jon: they're going to fight. welcome back to the program hugh jackman. [cheering and applause] thank you. how are you? >> hey, jon. >> jon: thank you. thank you. that was something. fair enough. i knew there was something different about you. >> i have a few ringings here. >> jon: not at all, not at all. you're a nice, nice, nice, nice man. no, you are. you're a beautiful man. this movie, what got into you? there were scenes in this movie... >> yeah. >> jon: do you find, in a
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movie like this, are you able to express something inside you that you're never really able to express? >> yes. >> jon: how do you find that darkness? >> sometimes it frightens me in that i literally like... that felt really good. >> jon: yes! >> i see people just laying on the floor with blood coming. anyway, it is a little surprising. when i saw the film with my wife deb, she was holding my hand, and it's very tense, it's a gripping thriller. she was holding my hand, there were nail marks in my hand. about half-way through she took her hand away from mine. it was very much, who am i married to? >> jon: what? okay. >> i've beenen the couch ever since. >> jon: this is a thriller. it's a suspenseful movie. it's a thriller. but it's one of those thrillers where they say, oh, they worked on the characters. the dialogue is very good. it's not like in your mind the... i guess the template for it is like "taken." somebody gets kidnapped and you
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go in with an uzi and take out half of germany. this is really intensely psychological. >> i think it plays to the idea of "death wish" or "taken" where in the beginning even with my character, you're going along as an audience, yeah, yeah, yeah, then it starts to make you feel uncomfortable and it makes you think, and long after the credits role it questions you about what would you do in that situation. more importantly i think, issues of violence and how we handle that as a community, as a country. >> jon: and i think the answer of course is very well. we handle it all unbelievably well >> as you've shown in tonight's show. >> jon: very well. didn't australia... australia passed sweeping gun regulations 16 years ago and it had a tremendous impact on the country. >> it was interesting. our conservative leader at the time. we had mass shooting and it was a big wake-up call. in australia, i hate to say, this but you're used to hearing it out of the united states. like you hear these things, but
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it never happened there. immediately there was this government buyback i believe and everyone just handed in their guns and they destroyed them. the conservative leader at the time said this has got to stop, and the whole country just went for it. >> it was howard, wasn't it? >> howard. he's gone now. >> jon: gone now. not gone now. he's alive. >> yes, he is alive. politically gone. >> jon: isn't it terrible? like in america, he's still there, right? i have no [bleeped] idea. but you're right, that's the american way. we only follow what's happening in our country. i think other countries view this as a kind of madness. i think they view it why can't they... >> it is hard to understand. look, there is a constitution, i gets it, it's hard to understand, but look other countries, i think when i went to south africa, and i think how amazing it is that that country voluntarily disarmed themselves of nuclear weapons. like you spend many, many years getting one, and you're in the club. and that just went, you know
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what, this is not good for the world. we're going to get rid of it. >> maybe they knew themselves. they're like, you don't want us with one of these. i got my eye on new zealand right now. come here, buddy. that's why i like canada. because they... [scattered applause] except for that guy. >> he likes you. it's okay. >> jon: but there is maturity to that country that i feel like can set a great campbell. i'm not trying to... >> listen, as an outsider, i'm going to say that i have been and many outsiders have been the recipient of unbelievable generosity in this country. there are so many good things about this country. are you comfortable taking a compliment? >> jon: absolutely. it's not me. >> don't forget, 300 million odd people. australia is 17 million people. yeah, let's do it. it's not like... >> jon: it's a more manageable
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population. >> i'm a big fan of soccer players. but even he said the thing with... you need a gad fly because it's massive. athens, america, they're massive and big. they don't turn quickly. nothing turns quickly. you have to understand that. in a way, that may not be bad thing. something has a bit 06 stability. >> jon: let me ask you this, how long does it take to turn an ox? because if we don't turn this ox at some point, and it's not even... >> just shoot at it. >> jon: that's how you solve it. it was right there in front of me. son of a bitch! you got to go see this movie. the performances alone, it's a great story, and the way it's done, it can be a tough watch at time, but the performances in it, your work. >> thank you and congrats to you on finishing your movie. >> it's done. [cheering and applause] >> and look, i know when i
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auditioned you said i wasn't quite right, but i'm just saying... >> when peep see it animated and in 3-d, they're really going to love it. prisoners is in the theater on friday. hugh jackman.
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>> that is our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> blaming this on guns is like saying that the big problem with obesity is we've got captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh
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[cheers and applause] >> yay! yay, yay! stop! stop! stop! sit down! sit down.
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put the microphone stand down. i ain't got me looking small out here. don't everybody know the truth? what's going on? is everybody doing good? everybody good? i like that. in a good mood? i like that. y'all look good. if you're not good, you look good. a lot of [bleep] is going on in my life right now. i just had another baby. i got two babies now. just had a son... [applause] not too long ago. yup. they're both mine. i can't say [bleep] about it either. they're both mine. two kids, two car seats. that's depressing, right there. you ever try to talk to a girl with car seats in your car? it won't happen. it's depressing, man. "come here, baby. let me talk to you for a second." "uh-uh, what's that in the back?" "bitch, look at me. don't focus on the negative. just look at the positive, now. i'm trying to talk to you about some serious stuff, now." kids, man. kids change your life, make you realize that things are different. i know i'm getting older now, because of my kids. i'm starting to fuss a lot. the older you get, that's what you do: you just wake up angry. i don't know what he