Skip to main content

tv   The Colbert Report  Comedy Central  November 5, 2013 7:00pm-7:31pm PST

7:00 pm
the scope. you see, folks, up until now health insurance in america has always struck a delicate balance. women paid higher premiums then men and in return men paid less. (laughter) the system worked. but now folks, all that's changing. obamacare will have men and women paying the same amount for health care but since women live longer, and have babies shouldn't they pay more. >> under the new law they're including essential health benefits. and those essential health benefits include maternity, pediatric, dental and vision, contraceptive services and free birth-control pills none of which a young man needs or wants. (laughter) did you catch that? under obamacare men will pay the same amount as women and yet we still don't get to pass a can't hope with toe nails through our genitals.
7:01 pm
business host and mad al toussae circumstances wax figure john stossel reminded us why the lady its should pay more. >> you ought to be able to charge people who use the services more, more. >> women go to the doctor much more often than men. maybe they're smarter or maybe they're hypochondriacs, they live longer, who knows. >> stephen: yeah, lady, ladies, come on. ladies, ladies love going to the doctor. who knows why. maybe they're pretending they're extras on "grey's anatomy". i don't know. they're suckers for that stuff. at fox news chief urologist dr. david sumati gives us a real world example of the lady's doctor addiction. >> that's not-- she is sees her doctor, when was the last time you went to seat doctor. >> twoiers ago. >> exactly. >> and you. >> i have had lyme disease for the last ten days. >> so that's what happens, so you are basically paying for it.
7:02 pm
>> that's what happens. women get bitten by an insect, they get lyme disease am a pan gets bitten by an insect, he becomes a superhero. not fair. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: not fair. and folks it's no wonder the brown haired guy who is not steve doocy won't go to the doctor. he hates wearing that cone. folks, he's not alone. the fox doc explained the obvious reason why all men, always go to the doctor less. >> we are using the health-care system much less. you know, also, our body are completely different. we only have the prostate. women have the breasts, the ovary, the utterus that get checked. >> yeah, men only have the prostate. (laughter) meanwhile, women are like the mines of moria down there you got the tube, you got the do-dad, you got the chicago bull, you know. you know, you got to kind of
7:03 pm
squint to make out what's really going on down there. it's like one of those magic eye posters. they say there's a little man in a boat but i've never found it. i tell you what, fellas, tell you what, as long as we're footing the bill for all this lady maintenance i say we demand pap smears. okay? hey, hey! if gynecologist, not gal-nicolo gist. i say we find a place to stick that speculum. they're the doctors. nation as a deeply relige-- religious man i know the devil takes many mores but mostly barack obama. and there is yet another serious side effect of barackocare, loss of religious freedom. >> one key concern is the hhs contraception pan date which will require employers to make sure employees have access to health insurance coverage that provides cost free contraception. >> opponents of the pan date say it's going to make business owners violate their religious convictions
7:04 pm
by forcing them to provide insurance coverage for employees that includes all types of birth control. >> stephen: yup, mandated birth control. just the first step in obama's plan to-- plan to get the whole country hooked on the pill. i think they are slipping into the drinking water already because i know i have been having some very light periods am i'm not saying nothing, but pretty light. now some people, some people are demanding their rights but some legal persons didn't have-- don't have mouths. they're called corporations. and their crusade brings us to tonight's word. (cheers and applause) in god we trust. folks, one of the victims of mandated contraception is hobby lobby with. over 500 retail locations they are the nation's largest craft supply business. now folks, the owners, the owners of hobby lobby, the
7:05 pm
green family, are devout christians who believe that life begins at conception. and coincidentally their business, hobby lobby, also believes life begins at conception. and while, while hobby lobby is happy to sell rick rack and glitter glue one thing is not for sale. it's value. so hobby lobby's lawyers hobby lobbies the court for a religious exceptio exception-- exemption for mandated contraception arguing the corporation itself is entitled to free exercise of religion. of course rulings like citizens united have established that corporations are people with the first amendment right to freedom of speech. so why not religion. and already a federal appeals court agreed ruling corporations can be persons,
7:06 pm
exercising religion. that's right. a corporation can have religious beliefs. you know what, folks-- (laughter) folks-- that feels right, doesn't it? (cheers and applause) >> stephen: yes. yes. that feels right to everybody. because corporations struggle with the same existential questions we all do. and america was founded, this country was founded on the ideals of religious liberty for all people, be they christian, jewish, buddhist or limited liability formed under subchapter s of the united states tax code. therefore-- therefore the corporate person known as hobby lobby should not be forced to provide contraception because it is accepted jesus into its hearts and has been saved.
7:07 pm
and folks-- there are so many other corporations who practice religion. i mean off the top of my head there is quaker oats, there is christ-ler. there is church's chicken and virgin, which of course worships a bizarre goat headed god. so i believe, i believe it is time we acknowledged the deep faith held by all of our corporate citizen those matter what faith they are. hindus believe in reincarnation so why should a hindu corporation be forced to follow workplace safety laws. if there's an accident, the worker will just come back as an ant. and-- (laughter) remember, buddhists reject the material world. why should a buddhist corporation be forced to pay anyone money. and out of respect for their deeply held beliefs, we allow native americans to legally drop peyote, therefore we should a la coke industries to legally
7:08 pm
drop acid in our rivers. now remember, remember, folks, the purpose of religion is to answer the ultimate question, are we in control or is there some greater force pulling the strings. and if the courts rule that corporations have the same religious rights that we humans do, i think we'll have our answer. and that's the word. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)
7:09 pm
7:10 pm
7:11 pm
>> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thank you very much. folks, if you watched this, and i hope you do, you must know that it would not be possible without the all-star team of patriots over fox news. they're like the harlem globe trot ters of people without do not trot the harlem. as all things to news corporate founder and world's most powerful raisin rupert murr dochblingt that is why i'm personally so enraged about the paudry hit job murdoch world written by journalistic hack david fallenflick who is my guest tonight. thank you for joining, sir, it's an honor. to you listen to how, and i hope i can say that word on the air, has been accusing news corporate-- news corp.
7:12 pm
of public relation skull duggery. >> they had staffers for years go on-line and rebut every blog post that was negative, every article. >> fox staffers expected to counter not just negative, even neutral blog postings but the anti-fox comments beneath them. >> stephen: you have to police the comments section, that's the most important part of a on-line article. it is the only reason i know that the ongoing war in syria is gay ron paul 2012. now fox, fox built its commenting army from the ground up and also out of the thin air down. because one former staffer recalled using 20 different aliases to post pro fox rants. another had 100. i mean they had to do that. fox news's actual audience can't go on the internet. they still call it that rock 'n' roll telegram. but of course that was all bloc postings. these days people get their news via the twitter bird
7:13 pm
and fox can't police the twateverse by themselves. so folksing i'm stepping in. one of my writers rob dubin whose name is specifically not supposed to be in this script, designed a twitter algorithm to pick up where fox news left off. introducing@realhumanpraise twitter's premier source for legitimate reviews from 100% people. as assembled by both. here is how it works. every two means@real human praise takes a positive film review from rotten tom tom and swaps in the names of beloved fox news shows and personalities. for instance, this one used to be a positive review for the horror classic the omen but now it reads all references to prophecy and the anti-christ aside shepherd misreporting achieves this horror the old-fashioned way.
7:14 pm
>> that's good. >> personally i cannot wait to get the bot up and rung. oh wait, we launched it a week ago and it's already posted 5,000 tweets? including such raves as if mike huckabee doesn't find you wishing you had a gun on you, this is one of his better efforts. the telle file emphasizes the purpose of fairy teams in our lives and the way a fantasy can help us see reality more clearly. special report with brett bayer is the most fun you'll have while watching someone destroy themselves. and my personal favorite, while you're watching it, hannity lives up to its title. >> true-- truer words have never been. >> the fox is posting with the hashtag praise fox and like bill o reilly will just keep talking until someone pulls the plug. we'll be right back with
7:15 pm
7:16 pm
7:17 pm
7:18 pm
>> stephen: welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight has written a book about the man behind fox news and the good el fiddle contest that made it all possible. please welcome. david, thanks so much. huge, huge fallkenflick fans,
7:19 pm
in 2004 you have been npr's media correspondent, you're morning edition, all things considered. you're on there with your npr liberal bias talking about the media right, all right? well, the media bias has bled out to yet another book. this one called murdoch's world, the last of the old media empires. okay. i'll bite. what is so terrible about rupert murdoch? >> he's a successful businessman. >> sure. >> stephen: is that your problem with him because he's profit and you work for a nonprofit? are you jealous, is this jealousy. >> not some of. this is about a guy who i think is in many ways the most influential media figure in the english speak world. >> stephen: excuse me --. >> no, no, no. go ahead, we'll edit that out. he is the guy who has bent politicians to his will, sent people speaking to be president, prime ministers, even aspiring popes to travel thousands of miles to
7:20 pm
meet with him. >> stephen: popes? he's got the pope on a rope? >> one of the many things you may not know about murdoch he is he and actually a papal knight. >> stephen: the knight of malta. >> he was given a papal knightship in 1998 in i believe in response to some of his philanthropy towards the archdiocese of los angeles. here is a guy who has actually fascinatingly naked women on page 3 of the largest selling daily in the u.k., the sun tabloid and also honored by the pope. >> stephen: just on page 3 showing what god gave them. all right so, how much does he own, what are some of the properties he owns. >> . >> stephen: or what doesn't own. >> in this country the things we know best, "the new york post", "the wall street journal," one of the best newspapers in the record, a little familiar. and fox news. in the u.k. he controls over a third third of all national newspaper serklation. in australia he controls between 65 and 70% of major
7:21 pm
daily newspaper circulation so he is a major figure in the two other countries as well as our own. >> stephen: why would you want to cross somebody that powerful. because i'm guessing you say some things in here that he might have his team of internet attack dogs come after you for. >> i will be looking for the response of your spam but i think in some ways-- . >> stephen: spam boths are craving fox newsment i will show you some of the latest ones in the last couple of minutes. see what we got here. elizabeth hasslebeck growingly portrays michelle malkin as someone with absolutely no sense of her own monstrosity. >> see, what human would come up with that i think rather than saying why would you want to be negative about this guy, i think he's fascinating and complex. whatted really lead me to him was after covering news outlet force many years in 2011 a few summers ago there was a hacking scandal in the u.k.. >> stephen: i haven't heard much about that on fox news. >> not some of. so in the u.k. on trial right now is the former
7:22 pm
hand-picked c.e.o. of murdoch's british newspaper division. and also the former editor in chief of the news world tabloid which used to be the largest selling sunday paper in great britain and went on to the chief pr guy for the prime minister, david cameron. they are on trial for breaking into the voice-mail messages of people in the u.k.. >> stephen: it's called investigative journalism. >> it is a different kind of investigative journalism. >> stephen: how did you get the information on this, did you hack into his phone. >> i did something called reporting. it involved a lot of interviews, well over 100 people. >> stephen: but not everything you could have got. >> if you would had hack mood his phone mail wow have learned more, true or false. >> i probably would have learned more, true. >> stephen: so they are better journalists than are you. >> perhaps so i think that-- i think a lot of feel in great britain think otherwise because among the people that were hacked. >> stephen: they're english who cares. >> i know but among the people who were hacked were not only just celebrities, not only politicians, sown as universitily corrupt and philandering but people who
7:23 pm
were the victims of crimes, a 13-year-old girl who had been abducted and murder head her phone hacked and it turned out thousands of others were targeted as well. people who were the victims of terrorist strikes, july 2005 in the. can. british war dead in iraq and afghanistan there was a young girl who was also abducted and killed. given a phone by rebecca brooks the head of tabloid there and then she said you can call me any time, use the cell phone nor anything you need, that phone was hacked by rebecca's own reporters. >> stephen: are you saying that murdoch knew about these things. >> that's an important question. >> stephen: it is, i just asked it. >> so there is no sense that murdoch few about that, there is a sense that he continually pushed the tabloid to find out greater and greater degree of gossip and news. pushed them relentlessly in an age of having to compete against the internet sites. but it was also in a culture in which he had so much power through his newspapers and influence it an politics
7:24 pm
that politicians were unwilling to check any behavior that were the problem. it turned out that according to credible allegations, a lot of police were on the case taking bribes from murdoch's journalists in such a way that they didn't have a lot of incentive to follow on just -- objections to whether there was illegal behavior o you aring can it turned out top officials had to resign in the wake of the revelations of hacking in 2011 because it turned out they accepted thousands of dollars in things like meals, that the commissioner accepted a spa treatment worth over 13,000 pounds from a friend of rebecca. and so-- . >> stephen: what would you have done at a spa for 13,000 pounds. >> apparently a very nice spa. >> stephen: that is the happiest ends i have ever heard of. (applause) >> stephen: david, thank you so much. david, murdoch's world, we'll be right back. 2ndi@9cr!jó/1klcb-xc/c/c/he=lesé
7:25 pm
7:26 pm
7:27 pm
7:28 pm
>> stephen: t captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause]
7:29 pm
>> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is the jon stewart. we've got a good show for you tonight. what is going snon. [cheers and applause] -- wow, what a show tonight. tonight's guest bob woodruff. we'll talk about liz veterans foundation ant big benefit coming up. you remember a few months back we talked to the mayor of toronto rob ford was a crack head. that there was maybe a piece of video of mayor rob ford of toronto smoking -- crack. [ laughter ] and i now understand the videotape is exhibiting the poor judgment you often associate with smoking crack. >> i cannot comment on a video that i've never seen or does not exist. >> he can't comment on -- good news, everybody. [cheers and applause] now toronto mayor rob ford can
7:30 pm
comment on a video of him smoking crack. >> police say they have video of mayor ford smoking a crack pipe and making racist and homophobic remarks. >> smoking crack and making racist and homophobic remarks, i believe in canada that's referred to as a hat trick, am i right? i don't know much about hockey but -- [laughter] from the picture of mayor here with his crack-stituents the racist thing seems to be accepting of anybody that smokes crack with him and a homophone that attitude won't last. at some point while pursuing this crackhead lifestyle he will end up sucking some (bleep). [cheers and applause] [laughter]


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on