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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  June 16, 2014 7:25pm-7:57pm PDT

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all familiar with the hyperbole of the 24-hour news cycle. oh, breaking news, we found the plane. oh, we didn't find the... exactly. sorry, it's a styrofoam cup. sorry. but yesterday, yesterday finally lived up to the hype. >> stunning, epic upset in virginia. >> house majority leader eric cantor has now lost his g.o.p. primary to tea party activist david brat. >> an underdog victory on behalf of an unfunded newcomer. >> this is simply unprecedented. >> the history-making surprise. >> david over goliath times a thousand. >> jon: a thousand! [laughter] you need to take the biblical struggle of israel's future king david as he armed with but a slingshot slayed a literal giant whose very name has become synonymous with large things and multiply that by a thousand.
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that, that... no! [cheering and applause] i even think that's understating it. that was last night's republican primary in virginia's seventh district. [laughter] political newcomer david brat defeated the sitting house majority leader, cane only assume future millionaire lobbyist, eric cantor. cantor was basically the fourth most powerful republican in washington behind mitch mcconnell, john boehner and an ar-15 that fires baby eagles dressed like jesus. how, how... [laughter] that's... they said the picture won't be ready until the show. i said, well, all right. whatever you can do to make it realistic. that's really quite lovely. how the hell did this happen? >> he had all the name recognition. he outspent his opponent 40-1
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and still lost by an astounding 11 points. >> cantor's campaign spent more at stake houses than brat spent on his entire campaign. >> jon: well, okay. that makes sense. it's very hard to conduct your campaign when you got the meat sweats. "my budget platform... brruff... lord have mercy. let me ask you a question whom is this david brat fellow? >> he's a college economics professor. >> a 3.4 rating out of 5 on rate my professor. students also gave him a chilli pepper, meaning he's considered pretty hot, as in good looking. [laughter] >> jon: looks like congress has a new mcdreamy. step aside, vermont senator
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bernie sanders. all right. i like what i'm seeing from this fell lark but is he more than eye candy. >> the reason we won this campaign is there is just one reason, and that's because dollars do not vote. you do. >> jon: wow. i love the sentiment, although, a certain supreme court might disagree with you, but i like the cut of his jib. what else you got there, fella. >> luke 18:27. jesusry plied, "what is impossible with man is possible with god." [laughter] >> jon: did not see that coming. >> this is a miracle from god that this happened. we believe in god who gave us this miracle today. i love every single person that god made on this planet. >> jon: we get it.
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you beat a jewish guy. we get it. fine. we're not as chosen as we thought we were. okay? you know what's interesting, though? what's interesting about the jewish people, if i may, is that if we had achieved a victory like this election, the next day that would be a new jewish holiday. that would be... we'd have eight days and we'd come up with some type of potato-onion thing to eat, and kids, kids would hate it. so what strategy did god use there to defeat the pro-life obamacare-repealing, debt ceiling, default lifting, government shut downing eric cantor? >> brat went after cantor for not staying true to conservative principles. >> he tried they eric cantor was too liberal. [audience reacts].
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>> jon: he's too liberal? yes,, no i imagine you could have said eric cantor was too liberal preenlightenment. certainly during the middle ages cantor's views on accepting gravity would be considered dangerous. how is this cat too liberal? >> immigration reform, that is the issue that gave brat, tried to hammer eric cantor with in the past few months. >> it's time provide an opportunity for legal residents and citizenship for those who are brought to this country as children and who know no other home. >> jon: communist! [laughter] get back in your hybrid car that runs on npr tote bag compost and old lilith fair posters. how did you spend $158,000 on
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steak? i mean, how many sides can you order? there's creamed spinach, hash browns. let me ask you a question, eric cantor, the tower of seafood that you ordered at the steak place, was rapunzel living at the top of it? because that's... all right. 65,000 people in one congressional district in virginia have overthrown a clearly arrogant and unsuspect ing incumbent. hard to draw any parallels except lindsey graham, who easily defeated his tea party candidate. so to the broader message. >> people are angry. >> the big message for washington is nothing is going to get passed. >> no chance for compromise. >> compromise? forget ain't. >> immigration reform is dead in congress. >> i think it's even deader. >> it's going to be very dangerous for republicans to talk to democrats. >> jon: oh, no.
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congress' current golden age of cooperation is over. [cheering and applause] we'll be right back. ♪
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[ grunting ]
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>> jon: welcome back. now, obviously yesterday in oregon there was a terrible tragedy, another school shooting, a student dead and a teacher wounded. >> breaking tonight, a stunning development. >> i... you can see i'm speechless. >> this is something a lot of people never saw coming. >> it is a shock. >> numb from the shock. >> jon: i'm sorry that. was the media responding to an incumbent actually losing an election. this is how they reacted to another school shooting. >> another day, another school shooting. >> another day, another school shooting. the story is getting old. >> jon: what are you going to do? it's not like an incumbent lost an election. i mean, that... this is how
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innerred we've become to the violence. there have been 74 since the 18 months since newtown. you could name every baskin robins flavor for each one, and not only would you still have plenty left over, you would be the owner of the world's most depressing ice cream parlor. obviously there niece way to completely escape. this we can at least take a sadness break, featuring stories that sound like they would end violently but don't. in our new segment, "yeah, we'll take it." >> a connecticut mother is under arrest, accused of allowing her child brick a grenade to school. >> jon: i see you tensing up. hang in there. >> lisa my dwell's 12-year-old son brought his grandfather's military souvenir for show-and-tell at the stratford academy. her mother thought it was a dud, but the state police say it was a live similarlator grenade, which can blow up and injure people within a 20-foot radius. >> jon: he wasn't threatening his classmates. he had a live grenade by
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accident. we'll take it. [laughter] pretty good show-and-tell. you got to admit. all right. go. we'll move on to our next story in... oh, boy, high degree of non-sadness difficulty. florida. >> this publix parking lot is where the road rage started. >> jon: oh, boy. florida, road rage. i think i see where this is going, and it's a very dark place. >> gladys said in this statement that he felt threatened by the driver and the people inside the car. >> jon: oh, boy. natural selection have honed many species into hyperefficient killers, chief among them the threatened floridian. i'm just going to write down a body count and we'll see how close i can get. >> the driver stated that she was upset that the man called her and the passengers in her vehicle the "n" word and did not want him to get away with it. >> jon: oh, and the, in fact,
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word is involved. i'll add a zero to my estimate. >> while using racial slurs is offensive, but it is not a crime, so no charges have been filed. >> jon: what? this whole controversy is only about a racial slur? florida, road rage and a white guy feeling threatened all got together in a single story and nobody was murdered? florida, i have never been prouder of you. [cheering and applause] how did this miracle happen? why don't we... why don't we hear from the wife of the accused "n" word user. >> i read the police report. it says your husband used the "n" word. >> and what did they say to me? [bleeped] >> so did he use the "n" word? did you guys at any point use the "n" word? is it okay to use the "n" word? >> jon: on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the "n" word? would you recommend the "n" word to a friend? if the "n" word and the "c" word were both drowning in lake and
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you only had time to save one word, which word, ma'am, which word would you save, "c" word or... i'm going to put you down for [bleeped]. all right. what's next? i'm on a roll, baby. >> the largest airport in pakistan was burning through the night, a stunning attack on the cargo terminal of karachi airport by men wearing suicide vests, armed with machine guns and rocket launchers. at least 23 people have been killed. >> jon: wait. that's just horrible in every way. how is that? no, no,, no take that out of. there there's no way. we're not taking that. that's a tragic incident. i'm not going to put a positive spin on that. that's apparently the job of the pakistani government. >> we were able to minimize the damage done to our airport. >> so your government regards this as a success story? >> what i have shared with you,
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the intent and the planning and the amount of weaponry that was recovered that these people are unable to use again, the airplane, that surely was a success. >> jon: let me get this straight because the taliban didn't get to detonate all of their explosives, you're putting this one in the win column. all right. pretty wide definition of victory. it's like saying, sure, godzilla destroyed san francisco, but i don't see a giant, radioactive [bleeped]. this is too dark. give me something to work with. >> on the hunt for an intruder, police in brighton are looking for homes breaking into boston college. jon jon i don't think this is going to go well. >> police say the suspect breaks in but doesn't take anything. victims say he just tickles them and then takes off. [laughter and applause] >> jon: thank you, boston
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weird, you you've saved the day. you may be terrorizing the people of boston for your own creepy gratification, at least you're trying to make people laugh. [laughter] we'll take it. we'll be right back. oh no they've put up a sign. capital letters mean business. or maybe that's nature's way of weeding out the timid. your fortune awaits. yo,move fast fruit flavor,fe, watermelon, blue razz green apple. your taste buds dancing. it's the jolly rancher, we make it happen. untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher. ♪ this little light of mine ♪ i'm gonna let it shine ♪ this little light of mine [kids fighting] ♪ i'm gonna let it shine
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>> welcome back. my gust tonight is the senior united states senator representing the great state of new york. joining us via satellite from washington, d.c.,, welcome back to the program senator chuck schumer. senator, thank you so much for joining us. >> hi, jon. good to be here. >> hey, first of all, senator, obviously the giant news down there is that eric cantor has lost his seat. i know that he is a republican, but he's also jewish in that instance. do you and debbie wassermann schultz pour out a little food are a homie? is anything done there? >> not much. jon nothing. all right. no love lost. so you were supposed to obviously be joining us here in new york.
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you had to stay down in d.c. because of a vote that was announced. what was that about? >> well, it was actually one of the small bits of good news that comes out of washington. we voted to put money into the veterans' hospitals to deal with the problems that we've read about. these folks went oversea, were injured, and that deserve to be treated as best we can. this bill will help make that happen. it was bipartisan. bernie sanders, liberal democrat, john mccain, conservative republican got together. it was a rare good moment. [cheering and applause] >> jon: that's excellent. now, is that bill... obviously i'm not familiar with the details. is that called the 2014 "oh my god, what took us so long" bill? >> you might say that, yes. >> jon: it is unbelievable at times what it takes to get some kind of agreement. i mean, this scandal is about as egregious as you could possibly get. >> absolutely.
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>> jon: has this type of funding come up previously and not been able? >> yes. jon or is the bureaucracy so screwed up that it wouldn't matter anyway? >> senator sanders had a bill on the floor a few months ago and it was defeated, but after the scandal came about and people saw how awful the treatment was, it was passed. i'm glad it was. we worked hard to pass it the first time. we failed. sometimes in washington you got to keep trying and you can finally get something done. jon i think the key word there would be "sometimes." so what else is going on down there? do you have... i know there's a college loan proposal. that also came up today. >> that's the bad news. it was hard to believe, but we did not get enough votes on the other side of the aisle to pass it. it was blocked. you know, there are 40 million young people in america, i'll bet many are in your audience, who owe an average of $30,000 in student loans. jon did you just call my audience deadbeats? >> no. they're just trying survive like everybody else.
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>> jon: but when you say it's hard to believe, you didn't actually think this would pass, did you? >> well, we hoped it would. there was some talk that some republicans would join us. only three did. it's so obvious, the government is actually charging young families, young people who are just out of college double the going interest rate. instead of the 3.5% they should charge, they're charge 7%. the private banks are charging up to 14%. so people with huge burden of debt on their backs are paying much more interest than they have. to all we want do is bring it down to the 3.8% that is the going interest rate. you would think everybody would think that would be fair and good thing to do. >> jon: right. wasn't the objection that they were going to pay for it with the buffett rule, which even you said is a non-starter. that's never going to pass. >> well, it shouldn't be a non-starter. it simply says that people who have incomes of over $1 million should pay the same tax rate as most everybody else pays, 30%, and you shouldn't use loophole,
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but we told them, if you have another way to pay for it, give us an example. give us something to work. with they didn't. what hatches here -- what happens is the hard right says they don't want government doing anything, even helping people get fair interest rate fake shot at a good interest rate. and too many of the republicans follow them. >> jon: what about... the other plan i think is the pettry plan. it's a simplified version of an obama plan that would allow students to have their payments prorated to their income and then with a forgiveness. that seems like an interesting proposal. >> it is. >> jon: does that have any legs? >> it might. you say you don't pay for college it's so expensive. there are so many people who get into college and then can't afford it and don't go or drop out. >> jon: right. >> this would say instead of paying up front, you pay about 3% of your income. if you do very well, do you a whole lot. if you don't do that well, you don't pay that much. it's a very interesting idea
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we're exploring. i think it makes some sense. >> are we going backwards here? why has college education gone up so much compared to almost any other commodity? is it the administrative costs? is there anything that can be done to reign in the cost of college? it seems inexplicable that it's become so expensive? it does. when i went to college. my father was an exterminator. i was able to afford college from a family that didn't have much money. if we were... i was young today, i wouldn't be able to afford it. and the cost has gone up much more than just about anything else. so there's some talk of saying that colleges won't get aid if their tuition goes up higher than the rate of inflation. >> jon: it's gone up far beyond the rate of inflation. >> we would impose that. now, you have to make exceptions. what if they had a big building program or something like that, but we have to do something about the cost of college. it's becoming... college on the
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one hand is becoming more and more of a necessity and less and less of reality to people because it's so darn expensive that even people well into the middle class can't afford it. but for the moment, at the very least to say people should pay an average interest rate, you can refinance your home, you can refinance your car, but the federal government doesn't allow you to refinance your college loan and you're paying too much? why shouldn't we do that? i would hope... we'll keep going at it. we'll bring this bill up over and over again. i hope people who are watching will e-mail their senators and congressmen and say, for god sake,... >> what's your e-mail? [cheering and applause] senator, thank you for joining us. next time you can come and join us in person unless obviously there's pressing senate business. i'm just kidding of course. >> i'd love to be with you in person. >> thanks very much. >> thank you. >> senator chuck schumer. >> senator chuck schumer. we'l
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i'm taking off, but, uh, don't worry. i'm gonna leave the tv on for you. and if anything happens, don't forget about the new xfinity my account app. you can troubleshoot technical issues here. if you make an appointment, you can check out the status here. you can pay the bill, too. but don't worry about that right now. okay. how do i look? ♪ thanks. [ male announcer ] troubleshoot, manage appointments, and bill pay from your phone. introducing the xfinity my account app. >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here circuit your moment of zen. >> right now there are 230 house republicans waking up praying they do not have eric cantor's pollster. honestly, i'm one of them, we republican pollsters suck.
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i beat him up and took his hat! it's really nice. i hope he's not hurt too bad. come on! let's go to a redneck bar. (others cheering) (country music playing) wha...? it's called line dancing, professor. it's fun 'cause there's no touching and lots of rules. hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! out of my way, losers! i have a way with bucking mechanical things. yep. (sultrily): hey, baby. i'm bender. (feedback squeals) ooh-whee! gather 'round, yokel wannabes! this here city slicker's 'bout to get his nuts bolted! oh, yeah? if i don't set a new club record, i'll eat my hat. (bell rings, buzzer sounds) 0.4 seconds!