tv The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Comedy Central September 11, 2014 1:01am-1:34am PDT
>> jon: whoa, welcome to the daily show! (cheers and applause) >> jon: my name is jon stewart and we have a good program for you tonight. my guest tonight, the secretary-general of the united nations ban ki-moon is going to be joining us here tonight because, you know, i really don't know why. (laughter) i'm excited, but i don't know why. but first, you may remember earlier this year, the what do you call baltimore ravens ray rice found himself in a hot water when a cass insecurity caught him dragging his foe and say's unconscious body out of an el after he had assaulted her because a gentleman without never leave his fee san-- fiancee's unconscioused aboutee unattended in an elevator, i mean-- it was the sort of dispectable act our society would not tolerate. and the justice system had no choice but to throw the book at rice. specifically a book titled so you're sentenced to
counselling, a violent offender's guide to lenient punishment. but not to worry, the nfl jumped in to fill the justice void. >> nfl commissioner roger goodell slapped ray rice with a two game suspension. >> jon: two! not one. (laughter) but two! (cheers and applause) two! a two-game slap. two game slap, one for each wrist. then after a rather vociferous and negative response to the perceived coddling of the all-pro elevator puncher, the nfl recognized the errors of its ways. >> the nfl announcing players will get a six game suspension for their first domestic violence offen offend-- offense. >> jon: ah! let that be a lesson.
to nfl players everywhere. if you hit a woman, they will not let you hit a man for six more weeks. (laughter) the point is-- (applause) i would say at that point case closed. until this week. >> it's the second shocking video to surface. tmz releasing this tape of baltimore ravens player ray rice brutally knocking out his then fiancee janay palmer. >> the nfl kicked him ot of the league definitely. >> nike scrubbed all rice items from their web store, in baltimore local merchants have launched a kind of buyback program to get rice jerseys off the street. >> jon: ricearoni is changing its name. it will now be referred to as simmered graina-roni. rice university will now be referred to as the
university where we will not punch ladies in elevators. where to turn. where to turn. that is an unwieldy name for a university. where to turn for perspective on a case like this. well, this being the nfl, it turns out you could turn to another man named ray who played for the baltimore ravens and was also punished for his part in a violent crime. >> people will try to draw this comparison, how do you see that. >> there is no comparison, you know, there is no comparison of me and ray rice. it's night and day. it's night and day of anything we've ever been through and that's why both situations are totally dichb. >> jon: how dare you say we're the same? i would never hit a woman! i would object strukt justice in a murder case but that-- but that is where i draw the line. (laughter) my favorite part of that video is-- is what happens next.
>> steve, what's your reaction? >> hmmmm. (laughter) (applause) >> jon: indeed. but here's my main question. back in july the nfl felt this crime was only worthy of a two game suspension. but now suddenly it's a lifetime of exile. so what changed? >> did you really need to see a videotape of ray rice punching her in the face to make this decision? >> no, we certainly didn't. and i would tell you that what we saw in the first videotape was troubling to us in and of itself. but what we saw yesterday was extremely clear, is extremely graphic, and it was sickening. and that's why we took the action we took yesterday. >> jon: so you did need to see ray rice to make this decision which begs the question, why hadn't you
seen that video. >> we asked for video, but we were never granted that opportunity. >> jon: granted that opportunity. you were never granted that opportunity. really? the king of video never bestowed upon you the opportunity for are you just a simple peasant boy commissioner armed with only your wit, the clothes upon your back and billions in dollars worth of the most high-powered team of lawyers in the history of man. oh o little oliver. please, sir, please, sir. (applause) may i? please, sir, may i see the tape? the tape, no!
here's the only problem with that story. >> the ap is now reporting that a law enforcement official did, indeed, send a copy of the ray rice video to an nfl executive back in april. >> jon: [bleep] up but it only makes sensing april, that's the off season. (laughter) so you had the tape, and you want us to believe that you did not look at it? well, i think we're all pretty aware of the get 24 angles and high res slow motion just to see whether or not a man's knee goes over an imaginary line before his hand crosses a different imaginary line. and that in stadium system has a built-in remote backup. >> immediately after a call
is challenged the nfl officiating command center in new york will begin reviewing replays. >> jon: the nfl officiating command center. you think they were launching nukes rather than con terming if the ball had, indeed, touched the ground first. (laughter) so nfl, perhaps next time you attempt to bury the damaging information about your league's conduct, i guess we'll no to throw the red challenge flag. we'll be ri
another beer? sure, give me a.....ummmmm give me a redd's apple ale. redd's apple ale. crisp like an apple; brewed like an ale. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back! oh, is today-- what day is today, wednesday, today's wednesday, time to check in on the united kingdom. really hasn't been a kingdom for quite some time. and now turns out the united part is looking a bit shaky as well. >> in just another week
scotland will vote on whether to break away from the united king doll. polls show rival campaigns for and against independence running neck-in-neck. >> jon: neck-in-neck, by the way the first two ingredients in hagis. scotland-- really, the ray rice tape, they can watch, that picture-- sauceage. scotland's big secession vote is the subject of our continuing coverage of-- it is not the british empire's proudest moment, once dominated half the globe. but if you lose scotland you're down to the one corner of ireland that doesn't hate you, and wales. territory with so few natural resources it needs to import fowl. of course there's got to be more--
(applause) there's got to be more at stake here than pride, yes. >> there is a lot of money at stake. most of the u.k.'s oil reserves are off scotland shores. scotland is the european union's largest oil producer and the british nuclear submarine fleet is headquartered in scotland. >> jon: oil rich with nuke-- i bet dic cheney just went where? what? what? huh? what? can i-- i can invade? so what-- what exactly are the financial ramifications? what are the financial ramifications here? >> ron all mcdonald, one of the top economists in the u.k.-- . >> jon: all right, i'm just going to-- (laughter) that poor sweet man. how was he to know literally eight years after he was
born his proud name would be stolen by an american hamburger clown. perhaps a problem can only discuss with his good friend paul franklin chang. an thaddeus george irving fry. but this whole voting to leave the united kingdom, well, it brings up a very important question. namely, you can do that? because we kind of had to fight a whole with the tea in the harbor and the british are coming and the two if by sea. meanwhile you just stick it on the agenda and you're like yeah, that's [bleep] we're gone. and not just here in the u.s. africa had to fight you, india starved themselves to get free. 700 years after what do you call it mel gibson wallace was drawn and quartered for scottish independence, it turns out they just had to have an election. england, are you just going to let them go? >> britain's political leaders like david cameron have headed north.
today they've all gone up to scotland to deliver a kind of collective political lovebomb. >> jon: oh, a lovebomb. that sounds sticky. (laughter) i believe we actually have footage of prime minister cameron pleading with the scottish people to come back. is there anything more romantic than the sound of air slowly getting pushed from a bag? we'll be right back. i think cam newton needs to be a better leader. he's got so much more responsibility. he's the guy that they're looking to. sweat it says, i'm not gonna settle. it means i'm not gonna stop. until i get what i need. but i'm not gonna tell you how much i'm working. i'm gonna show you.
alright we're done. break up with lingering food. (ding!) mmmmm mmmm for that just brushed clean feeling... ♪ eat, drink, chew orbit my golden years will not just be gold plated. i had 3 different 401(k)s. e*trade offers rollover options and a retirement planning calculator. now i know "when" i'm going to retire. not "if." have o'hare party repair remove them. and install tostitos cantina chips and salsa. guaranteed to bring that south of the border je ne sais quoi to any occasion! tostitos. bring the party. walgreens knows that heartburn sufferers can sometimes find themselves at the corner of "mmm, home cooking" and "umm, i think that's enough." that's why walgreens offers new nexium 24 hour, protection strong enough for whatever your day dishes out. walgreens makes it easy to treat frequent heartburn.
but it's not on any map. so go out there, lose yourself, and find the truth. ♪ we're all born wild. ♪ let's keep it that way. the 2014 4runner. toyota. let's go places. >> my guest tonight is the secretary-general of the united nations, please welcome to the program u.n. secretary-general ban ki-moon. (applause)
thank you for being here. i really appreciate it. i know you probably have better things to do. >> it's a great pleasure for me to be participating in this show. >> we want to make sure that you're comfortable. in your career, in your life, can you recall a more dire time for the human condition? is that how it strikes you now? are you an optimist? >> for many years tragic situations where i feel very sad, particularly when u.n. peacekeepers are killed, when there's a huge, serious violation of human rights. many people being killed around the world. that's why we have to protect the human rights.
this is a very important important-- of the united nations that is one of my strongest mandates by the charter of the united nations. of course we have security, all around the world. >> jon: is there-- how difficult is it to rally the world to these causes? because we see this situation boko haram in nigeria, isis, syria, ukraine, gaza, all around the world. is it too much to ask the u.n. to-- to-- or is it better for the u.n. to keep focused on humanitarian issues and try and sort out the more political issues later. or can you accomplish both? >> i think we are living in an era of multiple crisis. a lot of crisis are taking, at the same time, all around
the world. we have a serious situation in syria which has been continuing for three years, with well over 20,000 people have been killed. we have a serious terrorist attacks in iraq and south of sudan in african republic. and in gaza we have seen so much devastation. therefore, we need to really protect the civilian population. and i have been traveling all of these hot spots, without exception, all around the world. sometimes i have to protect myself. and i know that with the difficult interviews, meeting with the different people, i give you this u.n. peacekeeping heat met to protect yourself. (cheers and applause)
keep it handy because-- i may need it for my protection. >> jon: okay. is this your way of telling me i'm being shipped out somewhere? oh, yeah. that's very kind of you. but it does, you know, boy t brings up a serious situation. how difficult is it to get world opinion on any situation. and does the u.n. have to contract in some ways to be more effective in certain situations or can if continue to-- and who within the u.n. organization, and you don't have to necessarily name names but which country is the biggest pain in the butt? (laughter) >> when the united nations member states are united, united nations should be united. >> jon: right. >> but there are some cases that the member states are not united and divided. in such case we have a
serious problem, as we are seeing in syria. but when there is a unity of opinion and position, we can address all these issues. this is the unspeakable terrorist attacks, and crimes which are now being committed in iraq and syria, and elsewhere. i think we have to unite and we have to show strong sol dar-- solidarity. that's what i'm saying, that all the countries, whoever may have capacity, or influence, should bring it. >> jon: that brings up a good point. so syria, clearly gassing nair own people, terrible devastation, they're bombing. but the security council could not come to an agreement on-- now there was a way of disarming them on their chemical weapons and i think you are looking into there is a new report on that. but is there anything any more, other than ebola is
back, where we need to help them. humanitarian type issues, where you will get the type of agreement that you need. and even when resolutions are passed, do people just ignore them? is there still the respect for the united nations as an institution, and the teeth behind it to make that effective? >> overall, you should have great respect and appreciation for what united nations has been doing for maintaining peace and security. and development for poor people, and also human rights. i think we have done a great job getting that. but in the case of syria or some other areas, when the security council members are not united, then we are seeing that tragic-- continuing. that we have to prevent. that is why i'm asking that we have to rally behind the
charter of the united nations, united nations flag. we have seen so many cases of radicalism, and terrorism. not a single country or person request handle this one. as the secretary of general of the united nations-- i cannot-- . >> jon: i like that you went for your name plate. >> without the support of the member states. >> jon: how does pressure then, how do we put pressure on nation states when they feel a certain impunity. certainly the united nations, the united states vetoes resolutions when it's not in their interests. russia does the same. china can do it. you know, when you have these large superpowers that have the ability to-- you have your global warming initiative that have not been able to be necessarily implemented because of our inability to come to agreement on it. or does that help you? do you think to yourself,
boy, with all the terrible things in the world we'll all be under water in 200 years anyway o so who cares. >> some people may think that the president has all the powers. but i think it's the people. it's the people. its civil society, ngos, they have now more power, more voice, i think, young people, they should raise their voices, look, mr. president, this is my world. i'm going to live in this world so please make this world safe and prosperous and where everybody's human dignity is respected. i think they have their rights. that is why i'm asking our young generation, you have all the tools, the social media, that they can, you know, generate a strong power all around the world. so raise your voice. >> jon: do you still believe in the idealism that can rise up and snuff out the
types of extremism that we've been seeing. you are still an optimist? >> we have to work and we have to address them. we have to be united. this is unacceptable, in the name of humanity. how can they so afford as a human being. we have progressed on this one, and asking whole world, regardless of police call ideology. we have to unite in the name of humanity. >> you would hope that we will get to that point and there will be that type of groundswell. and i appreciate you very much for being here. i know are you have a tremendous amount of work to do. you may keep this. >> thank you very much. >> jon: thank you so much. >> thank you very much. >> jon: thank you so much. ban ki-moon, we'll b
(whistling) hey! hey, baby. [ starts car ] were you eating smoked sausage in here? no! no. could have gotten me one. i did. add some spice to your day with dunkin's spicy smoked sausage breakfast sandwich. the smoked sausage you crave, now spicy. grab one today. america runs on dunkin'. start your morning spicy -- hurry in today
for a spicy smoked sausage breakfast sandwich. it runs on doritos. [ barks ] sure. so now what? got to put the whole bag in. okay. yes! it's really working, jimmy! [ humming, thumping ] [ humming ] [ thumping ] this is the greatest moment of my life! get out of my yard! [ birds chirping ] jimmy? you're so old. [ crunch! ] it's the future!