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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  April 2, 2015 9:34am-10:05am PDT

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after a lot of people were offended by her comments, she got on facebook to try to clean things up. >> i think that people should stop being lazy, and that's what i meant by my comment. and, you know i'm taking it to heart as well and i'm considering this while i am out there coming up with projects to do and things to right. >> larry: okay. i see your point. minorities should come up with original projects instead of relying on lazy franchises. by the way, make sure you catch michelle in the seventh installment of the "fast and furious" franchise, "furious 7" out april 3rd! (applause) well, here's something that would piss michelle off. there's been some lazy casting talk about the new spiderman. >> listen, this is not set in stone, guys, but i'm telling you right now, spiderman's going to be most likely black. but there is a chance he could also be latino. >> larry: oh.
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(laughter) well! the fans may not like this, but i tell you who will like this -- mary jane. once you go black spiderman... you'll have to finish that. (laughter) another thing rocking the nerd-iverse -- the all-female ghostbusters remake. apparently nerds aren't afraid of ghosts, but they seem to be frightened by the ladies. >> but there is been some harsh backlash online about the upcoming estrogen powered ghostbusters starring mccarthy, kristen wiig, kate mckinnon and leslie jones. angry fans of the original film stormed social media attacking the remake's director, paul feig. >> larry: that's how nerds riot, by the way. they storm social media. "they burnt down tumblr, man! why would they burn down their own?" before we all get mad at nerds, let me see if i can explain it to you.
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nerds don't have a problem with women, they have a problem with change. i'll give you an example. nerds are upset at black storm troopers in the "star wars" movie. do they have a problem with a storm trooper being black? no they have a problem with you changing their definition of a storm trooper. let me be a little clearer -- if the first time you introduce oatmeal to a nerd, it has maple syrup in it, it better have maple syrup in it every (bleep)ing time or it's not oatmeal. that's your fault. now, if you want to change it you need somebody who's part of your origin story to explain that change. like when star trek changed their origin story, they had the original spock come back to explain it to the new spock. that's why nerds were cool. well, they weren't cool, but you understand what i'm saying. so the only way to calm nerds about black storm troopers isn't to recast "star wars" but to have a cherished character explain. example -- lando carlissian could be talking to admiral akbar -- "calm down, everybody. it's a black storm trooper. it wasn't my fault!" or obi-wan -- "this is not the black storm trooper you're looking for. move along.
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move along ." or darth vader -- "i'm your phat with -- i am your father and the storm trooper is a brother and this is cnn ." (applause) or yoda -- "storm trooper negro! (laughs) okay it is. but lady ghost buster weird it is ." here to shed more light on this situation is comic book nerd and black guy mike yard. mike, welcome to the show. >> mike: thanks for having me larry. >> larry: so why is diversity in superhero movies so controversial? i heard rumors of a black batman. how come that didn't happen? >> mike: no, that did happen, larry. it was actually a big break for me. i got to play batman! >> larry: wait, this is unbelievable. you played batman? >> mike: yeah, want to see it? >> larry: hell, yeah, i want to see it. >> mike: take a look.
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♪ >> what makes you think the guy's going to show? >> don't worry he'll be here. ♪ commissioner gordon, i'm here. (bleep)! i'm on your side! (sounds of argument and fighting) ♪ (applause) >> larry: wow. that was short. was that the trailer? >> mike: no, that was the full movie, larry. >> larry: oh, i know what happened there, mike. they needed michael keaton, a beloved batman, to come back and explain the changes in black batman's origin story. >> mike: nah. black man lands on a roof in a mask, it doesn't take long for bad (bleep) to start happening. >> larry: i feel cheated. i wanted to see more! >> mike: me, too! he should have been going down
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to his bat cave, making love to rihanna as bat girl, smoking bat blunts because you know bruce wayne gets that good scarecrow weed. >> larry: and fighting crime. mike: time permitting. >> larry: well, what's next? are you going to make sure they have a beloved character to explain the change for your next part? >> mike: nope. not with my new role. let's see if those cops can catch black flash. >> larry: sounds smart. mike yard, everybody! we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) you want i fix this mess? a mess? i don't think -- what's that? snapshot from progressive. plug it in and you can save on car insurance based on your good driving. you sell to me? no, it's free. you want to try? i try this if you try... not this. okay. da!
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♪ [loud electric guitar solo] ♪ it's a different kind of peanut butter cup. smooth and crunchy butterfinger peanut butter cups. ♪ now in minis.
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>> larry: welcome back. we're talking about race, gender and superheroes. joining me on the panel tonight: hip-hop artist and comic book aficionado, jean grae. you can see him at the kennedy center in washington, d.c. on march 27. comedian and host of the nerd of mouth podcast, mike lawrence, he's written and drawn every character from batman and wonder woman to spiderman and the xmen, comic book artist phil jimenez and director of content and character development at marvel comics and co-creator of the muslim "ms. marvel" comic, sana amanat. (cheers and applause) >> you did it! >> larry: that's pretty good. let's get to it. there's been so many different characters over the years. i was talk tact resistance to
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change for example the "star wars" example. sit racism, sexism or nerdism that's the problem? >> everything. you can't limit it to one particular thing. i think people are just afraid of change and they don't like it when their toys are played with. i don't. i mean, i like my barbies. i still have them. >> larry: it's a personal thing, it's your toy box. >> i like my stuff, exactly. the reason it's important is we're trying to say we're not trying to take away your toys, we're just showing them in a different light. >> the thing no nerd wants to admit is most of the stuff we cherished wasn't ass good as we remembered it. (laughter) like when i saw the new ninja turtles, i said this isn't my ninja turtles because my my ninja turtles had vanilla ice and it was pure and my parents were still together! >> larry: that would be a sad memory of your ninja turtles! go ahead.
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>> seems to me we would partition race, gender and nerd as if they were this distinct thing. all human beings are a combination of experiences and ideology. >> larry: everybody mas nerd in them? >> oh yes. yes! somehow the idea of being a nerd is separate from one's religious or moral or political beliefs is strange to me. we all bring everything to our decision making on a daily bay sits. >> larry: not so much i'm making a distinction between a nerd being separate from these things, i'm trying to get to what is the cause to the resistant to the change? should there be illustration without representation? (laughter) getting militant about it. >> sounds good! no incredibly important, and, you know, i grew up next door to a comic book store and i have a brother who is six years older to me and he was really into
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comics which meant i was really into comics, which was great but for me i think it included superheroes and comings but also tvs and role models that i didn't get to see anyone who represented me. i was from south africa. everyone was like, south africa, right! which is a reason i didn't choose that name. >> larry: did you have anybody you identified with mike? >> i identified with magneto because i'm a jew who naturally repels people (laughter) and i was upset because i go see x-men first class and i'm like, yeah magneto going to be in it and he's played by a german! (speaking german) >> which sounds like something like a german is in the camp.
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(laughter) >> larry: any resistant to creating a muslim character? >> i think people were confused about it. not much resistant at a marvel because people were excited and said this is a fundamentally marvel idea. add the end of the day, the response, apparently i'm trying to convert people to islam. (laughter) >> and your superhero has problems, like if you've got to stop and pray five times a day -- >> it's tough, man. eating. gets in the way of a lot of things. >> larry: your superhero cannot have pork? >> she cannot have bacon! >> larry: i know! what exactly are her powers? >> that is her kryptonite. (laughter) but i think that character resonated with a lot of people because she's just some girl who
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happens to be muslim who wants to be a good person and then also, like, date some dudes and eat some cheeseburgers. that's why i love her. that's my life. >> i was raised very, very strict muslim and i like dating dudes and eating cheeseburgers. >> choosecheeseburgers and dates. >> larry: it's not what you know, it's what you want. >> dating and cheeseburgers. i'm all over bacon i love it! >> the weird thing to me is kamalakan lives in new jersey. how can you live in a place already doomed? >> it was the fact she was from new jersey. >> and she didn't listen to one bon jovi song! come on! >> we're trying to save face for new jersey. >> larry: we'll talk more about this. we'll be right
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at book club they were asking me what you're doing now, janice. blogging. your blog is just pictures of you in the mirror. it's called a fashion blog todd. well, i've been helping people save money with progressive's discounts. flo, can you get janice a job? [ laughs ] you should've stuck to softball! i was so much better at softball than janice, dad. where's your wife, todd? vacation. discounts like homeowners' multi-policy -- i got a discount on this ham. i've got the meat sweats. this is good ham, diane. paperless discounts -- give it a rest, flo. all: yeah, flo, give it a rest. at subway, we begin with freshly-baked-bread; then combine tender turkey-breast, with robust, spicy, melty italian favorites; adding a splash of our new subway vinaigrette. the magnificent new turkey italiano melt. only at subway. so here's the story of lancaster.
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(cheers and applause) ♪ >> larry: all right, welcome back to my diabolical lair of dastardly evil bad stuff. laugh(laughter) larry wilmore? i dropped him into a volcano. i am the evil dr. race card, destroying the white man with each flick of the wrist. each of our panelists has an envelope in front of them and inside they'll find their superhero name, their two superpowers and their one weakness. but dr. race card isn't going to make it easy for these heroes. i'm going to give them each a scenario that will hopefully crush them. if they defeat me, they get a little "keep it 100" cape -- very cute -- (cheers and applause) and if i defeat them, which i will, i will turn you back into
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an ordinary, puny human with my ray gun of doom! (laughter) >> i feel like this is how -- >> larry: quiet! silence! (laughter) the one they call sana, reveal your secret identity! >> okay, my secret identity -- >> larry: read it, please. i am the twizzler. i have the power to create anything out of licorice. my kryptonite: hippopotami. >> larry: that would be the plural of hip hippopotamus! or something like that. (laughter) >> larry: twizzler, i've captured ms. marvel and pushed her into my patented hippo pit. i've also pushed a bus full of
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black school children into my other hippo pit. i've got hippo pits all over this town! bwahahahahaha! who do you save first, the first female muslim superhero or the non-fictional black school children, and how do you save them? >> okay. it will definitely be the black school children. i love you kamalikan but i know you can survive this or better. >> larry: the black children on the bus? >> yes. >> larry: anyone that would do that to black children, i have to give them a cape! phil, which superhero are you? >> let me see... i am the cuisinart kid -- power: i can make food so wonderful
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it's frightening. controls weather -- kryptonite: avocados. >> larry: i've taken two precious people prisoner. wonder woman and channing tatum. i've submerged wonder woman in a vat of guacamole and i've dunked the magnificent tatum in a human-sized avocado taco salad. who do you save? and keep in mind, channing tatum is real and helps people every day by just being himself bwahahahhaa! >> i was going to say my aunt would have to be channing tatum because there's going to be a lot of meat in at taco salad. (audience reacts) >> larry: i feel like i have to give you a cape! mike, tell us your secret identity! >> i'm admiral beardo.
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i can build really dlaightful furniture with my mind. i can also fly. my one weakness, halle berry. >> isn't that everybody's? >> larry: hmm... we have something in common. my henchwoman halle berry has kidnapped some of your greatest influences, patton oswalt and anyone who ever wrote for the simpsons, and trapped them in her basement filled with mementos from the set of "catwoman." and also mentos, the freshmaker. who do you save and how do you save them? and did i mention -- bwawawawawawawaha! >> i believe that i could save everyone except i would not save halle berry. what i would do is make her watch her performance in storm and i would hurt her -- >> larry: any negative comments about halle berry will always be met with that!
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yes! (cheers and applause) jean grae, what is your superhero name? >> oh, boy... oh! my superhero name is jean grae. didn't see that coming. my powers are telepathy and telekinesis and i can speak to animals. my one weakness is that cyclops is my boyfriend and he's the objectively the worst x-man there is! (laughter) >> larry: do you find it ironic that with your powers of telepathy you didn't already know who your superpower was? >> slightly, but i haven't -- >> larry: all right silence! i'm convinced your -- sorry. i've convinced your dumb boyfriend cyclops to take you audit on a date. he's taking you to applebee's. meanwhile, there's a fire at the x-mansion, and professor x and wolverine are both trapped.
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cyclops just ordered the appetizers. cyclops just ordered the apps. how do you get out of the date, who do you save, and how do you save them? and what are the appetizers? >> the appetizers are all covered in cheese because that's what applebee's does they cover everything in cheese. >> larry: i love applebee's! we'll be right back! what do you think? when i first sit in the seat it makes me think of a bmw. i feel like i'm in a lexus. you would think that this was a brand new audi. it's like a luxury car.
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feels kind of like an infinity. very similar to a range rover. this is pretty high tech. yeah it is. it reminds me of a mercedes. ♪ this is chevy? laughing i have a new appreciation for chevy. they thought about me. i could totally rock this. this thing feels pretty boss. it looks kind of dope. that's pretty cool. this is the jam. pretty bomb dude. maybe i will go chevy. i'm definitely in. ♪
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this little piece of hershey's chocolate... is called a pip! it's the way we all start and end a hershey's bar. pip by delicious pip. hershey's is mine, yours, our chocolate. >> larry: that's all the time
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we have for tonight. i want to thank our panelists sana amanat, jean grae, phil jimenez and mike lawrence. (cheers and applause) finally tonight, let's check in with "dare-y willmore's march badness bracketsball dare-o-mania it's boner time tournament." yeah! (applause) all this week you've sent in hundreds of hilarious dares. the bracket is complete! we even drew it up on the wall in the studio! here's a look at some teams to watch. top seeded duke opens up against robert morris. if the blue devils go the distance, you will see me host this show in spandex. i'll do it! (cheers and applause) that could be oddly freeing. next up, 12th seeded buffalo. they face a tough west virginia team tomorrow -- and depending on who wins, i could be hosting the show either as soul daddy, which is the '70s version of myself, or as a 17th century royal. another team to keep an eye on is number two seed kansas. they play new mexico state in the first round and if all goes well for coach bill self and the
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jayhawks, muppet larry wilmore will be your host. i have to tell you, bill, i really want my own muppet. download the bracket online and follow the show on twitter to keep tabs on how the most ridiculous dares are doing. goodnightly, everyone! [crowd cheering]
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[cheering swells] man: mr. co? man: full house, people. mr. cox? man 2: chris! stage left... mr. cox? man 3: starting in five... guys i need cox. he goes on in two minutes, and i can't find him. man 4: hey, that's what i do. mr. cox. m-mr. cox? you're gonna have to give him a moment, son. dewey cox needs to think about his entire life before he plays.
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[♪] [piano playing chopin's "prelude in g minor"] come on, nate let's go play.


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