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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  April 3, 2015 1:34am-2:06am PDT

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you're a genius, tiny! this apple sauce is the bee's knees. the cat's pajamas! hits ya right in the kisser! emm. redd's apple ale. also in strawberry and green apple. ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment of zen. >> the big melt-down is revealing unwanted surprises across the city, expielz piles of dog poops. there have been more feces complaint made to the city's web site. scoop poop. ponsored by comedy central >> larry: tonightly, frat boys are at it again, this same videotaping naked woman as they slept. hey, frat guys you know you can just talk to women, too, right? a college athlete calls little league sensation mo'ne davis a shut. hey, pick on somebody who doesn't throw harder than you.
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( laughter ) ( applause ) what can guys get away with that women can't? i mean, other than peeing their names in the snee? ( laughter ) welcome to my no-shame zone. this is "the nightly show." ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: thank you. thank you very much. appreciate it. ah that makes me feel so good. welcome to "the nightly show." i'm your host, larry wilmore. sorry it looks like i've been crying but you know, the truth is i have. i got-- guys, i got really, really, really bad news today, and i just wanted to share it with everyone.
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um, zayn is leaving one direction. ( laughter ) ( applause ) when i heard i locked myself in my dressing room. i wasn't going to come out-- until my producer said, "larry, what would zayn do? he would do the show." , of course, until he decide to stop, and then-- ( applause ) i'm better. all right, i'm better! better. all right. here we go. we begin tonight with 13-year-old sports phenom mo'ne davis an all-star little league pitcher who was recently entrenched in a controversy. >> the 13-year-old sphe nom who inspired a disney movie is standing up for a college athlete who tweeted something newscaster and horrific about
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her. his tweet said, disney is making a movie about mo'ne davis. what a joke. that shut got rocked by nevada. >> that is offensive. that's not even what shut means. i mean look, like most people slurs upset me, but as a nerd, the misuse of language upsets me even more. i'm sorry. it does. ( applause ) thank you very much. no, no, this is important. you know, i think it's time for a segment i like to called word blerd. >> word blerd! ( laughter ). >> larry: now back in my day a shut was what you called a girl who developed faster than you both fizz caelz and emotionally. she dabbled in healthy sexual experimentation which was intimidating, or she refused to have sex with you, which was frustrating. ( laughter ) and so to punish her for making you feel bad, you called her a shut that's what that word is
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used for. it does not apply to any 13-year-old baseball player you want to trash on the internet. the only thing mo'ne davis is slutty with is her fastball. ( cheers and applause ) boys all around town line up for it. she gives it to every one of them. and even with that in mind, you can't really even call her a slut, because very few of the guys she meets ever make it to home base. ( laughter ) ( applause ) this has been word blerd. >> word blerd! ( cheers and applause ) okay, but all this slut talk speaks tie larger issue in america. slut-shaming. if you're unfamiliar with the term it's what people use-- or it's when people use women's own swult as weapons against them. it's like the stop hitting yourself thing your big brother used to do. ( laughter ) but with vaginas, instead of hands.
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( laughter ) thank you for mott illustrating a vagina hand. ( laughter ) thanks. let me give you an example. >> penn state suspending one of its frats. >> kappa delta rho accused of posting pictures of naked women on a private facebook page and some of those women were apparently asleep or passed out. >> larry: nude women pazzing out or sleeping. that's not just sleeping. that's a half-cosby. that's right ( bleep ). i haven't forgotten about you. ( cheers and applause ) okay, now let me explain to you what happened. these frat boys had sex with these women and then they posted the naked photos online to humiliate pem thp wait until you hear frat boy explanation. >> in an interview with "philadelphia magazine," one unnamed member says the criticism of the two secret facebook pages where police say fraternity brothers posted naked pictures of female students is
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unfair. it wasn't intended to demean anyone. it was an entirely satirical group. ( laughter ) >> larry: satirical group? what are they monty python? what does that even-- you think this is satire? okay you know what dick weasels i'm going to take you guys to knowledge college. knowledge college. ( applause ) knowledge college. let me explain to you what satire is, guys. satire is make fun of something with the express purpose of exposing the truth. the only truth this exposes is that you're ignorant ( bleep ). if you want to spend four years of college in a baseball playing beer pong and shoving marshmallows up each others' butts for laugh, go for it man. by the way that's not satire, either. when it comes to doing something inappropriate to a girl without her permission that's not funny
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or ever okay. knowledge college, class dismissed. ( applause ) but slut-shaming is not a new phenomenon. monica lewinsky of the aptly named monica lewinsky scandal, just gave a ted talk about the very same thing. >> i was branded as a tramp tart, slut whore, bow, and, of course, that woman. >> larry: another whore and shut i expect from the rush limbaugh crowd but tart? who was insulting you, the dowager from "downton abbey"? ( laughter ) that's really old school. you know, now that i think about it, i do remember people attacking her pretty quick. >> when the story broke in january 1998, it broke online. it was the first time the traditional news was usurped by the internet for a major news
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story. i was patient zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously. >> larry: that's true. she lost her reputation instantaneously, and yet the jokes lingered well past their cute phase like the frankie muniz of punchlines. ( laughter ) ( applause ) so wrong. so wrong. no don't clap for that. really don't clap for that. that is wrong. but the real shame here isn't on lou's actions 20 years ago. it was the way this country and our media oftrasides a young girl for doing something foolish but not worthy of ruining her life. and the worst part is, if she did it now in the age of the internet reality tv, we'd be begging to keep up with her like a kardashian. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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what do you think? when i first sit in the seat it makes me think of a bmw. i feel like i'm in a lexus. you would think that this was a brand new audi. it's like a luxury car. feels kind of like an infinity. very similar to a range rover. this is pretty high tech. yeah it is. it reminds me of a mercedes. ♪ this is chevy? laughing i have a new appreciation for chevy. they thought about me. i could totally rock this. this thing feels pretty boss. it looks kind of dope. that's pretty cool. this is the jam. pretty bomb dude. maybe i will go chevy. i'm definitely in. ♪
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hey nice game today. thanks. juicy fruit? sure i'll try a piec.... juicy fruit. so sweet you can't help but chew. oh, welcome to oaktown. i'm getting... leather. some drinks are hardly refreshing. i think i'll go with a redd's wicked apple. now it kinda smells like loneliness. redd's wicked apple. refreshingly hard.
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fact. when you take advil you get relief right at the site of pain. wherever it is. advil stops pain right where it starts. relief doesn't get any better than this. advil.
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( cheers and applause ) all right, welcome back to the show. joining the panel tonight: comedian and writer jordan carlos. ( applause ) very funny person, we've had her before. comedian sabrina jalees. ( applause ) one of my favorite actors of all time. she's been-- it's true. co-starring in the new abc series "american crime" and the director of tomorrow night's episode of the hit show "scandal," regina king. ( cheers and applause )
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and our own "the nightly show" contributor shemaz treasury. we're talking about-- i love all the lady love here tonight. very nice. so we're talking about this whole thing, it's called slut-shaming or rid ciewlg women for being sexual, basically. first what i wanted to do is we were having trouble just defining the word "slut" earlier. since i have a lot of ladies here, jordan, define that word. no pressure jordan. what is it? >> i will man-splain it for all of you. a slut is like stigmatized. it's something i don't say ever to anybody. ( laughter ) and i think it's just like free to be me, free to be you. >> you guys are not bad or something? >> i will talk to you -- >> what do you ladies think when
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you hear that? regina, what do you think when you hear that term? >> i-- i-- i mean, i don't know. i think-- i think for the most part yeah it's negative. i do, i do. but, i mean, some people play with it, you know. like girlfriends, "you slut bucket." >> i've never heard that in my life. >> i think it's how black people can call black people the "n" word -- >> hey hey, hey. >> women can call each other the "s" word, but a guy cannot call-- ( laughter ) >> larry: you're the woman hairt on the panel. sabrina, is there a thing for women owning this term? >> thanks for asking, larry.
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you said the "n" word. i think for me i'm a lez-ba-doodle. >> larry: a lez-ba-doodle? is that a certain time. >> i don't like lesbian. it doesn't sound good. i'm talking about dykes! >> thank you. >> i'm never going to be like, "i'm a dyke, but if my friend is wearing flannel chopping wood, i'll be like, hey dyke, what's up? >> larry: rasheeda jones got a little flack a little while back. i think she was watching miley sirur and she was doing twerping ( bleep ), whatever it was. >> it's an art larry. >> larry: whatever. but she ended with the hashtag "stop acting like whores." is that shaming of women? >> i think fine if she did it. i mean, i wouldn't have done it.
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i have no twitter followers. >> did it work? have women stopped being whores? >> larry: i'm sorry. what did i say about jordan by the way? i'm just getting the information. >> i mean, i think that women can shame women just as well as men can. i mean, i don't think that shaming is specific to a gender. >> larry: right. >> yeah women are guilty of actually calling out other women first. like, "oh, she's a slut." >> i was like well-- >> who are they talking talking about? >> women can do whatever men can do guys. that's, i think, the takeaway. yeah yeah. ( applause ) >> larry: jordan is digging a deeper hole. >> i'm married. >> larry: i remember like-- like sexual empowerment, or what
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that is called. a the love people say kim kardashian represents sexual empowerment. to me it's like she maid a video with ray jay. if she had done a sex video with gnome chompsky. what does that mean, sexual empowerment? there are mixed messages. does that mean healthy sexually or putting all your stuff out there? >> i think it's enjoying sex, understanding that sex is to enjoy and not something to throw around recklessly. because, if there are feelings-- if you're just going from bed to bed and dragging your baggage full of dicks, then that's not empowering. that's not empowerment contrary to popular belief. but if you're having fun-- if you're having fun-- i think the another is the gender divide. i think the issue is a gender divide. people who are like "yeah, my son gets around." at the end of the day, i think-- at the end of the day you want to impart to your kids, whether
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they're daughters or sons a value system that's not like, you know sex is a part of your life and it should be a healthy part but it's not the part. and, you know, it's not something-- even if you had a son, nobody would be proud "my son has 12 different kids from 10 different women." no, you want to-- >> some men might be. >> proud of that? >> unfortunately yeah. >> jordan? what do you think? ( laughter ). >> i think it's inherently male to be very proud of like collecting those sexes. classic man. but, some women have that male quality where it's like, yeah, some women are done having their orgasm and call the uber right away for the dude. >> that's okay. >> i just want to say, yeah, for a woman to be sexually empowered, i think it's like, yeah, owning your body, being
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able to say that sex is an act and not feeling bad about having sexual thoughts. and i just want to say that i knew that. yeah! >> larry: okay, we're going to what beer should we get? uhhhh...
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redd's green apple ale! that's a lovely idea... what?! i party. new redd's green apple ale. brewed like a beer tart like granny smith. what made you switch to taco bell breakfast? it's like it doesn't matter where you go 's the same thing which is like an english muffin with an egg on top! what do you eat now? i've got the chicken biscuit taco. and i've got the egg, bacon and cheese biscuit taco. i don't want to be spokesperson to the south, necessarily, i don't want to be spokesperson to the south, necessarily, [laughter] but, i can guarantee you that this is almost as good... [laughter] is as good as mama's cooking. that's a bold statement! this is a good biscuit! that's a bold statement! [laughter] my name is mary. my name is dominic. and i am a breakfast defector! ♪ [bong!]
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from the another planet. all right. ( laughter ) there we go. okay. if i feel that you have adequately explained term you will receive a "i kept it a-sleem-glorp." >> why do i want one of those? >> larry: and if you fail, i will present with you weak tea. >> oh, no. >> larry: what? we like tea. we're not savages. okay explain to me, jordan what is this term "booty call?" >> booty call? >> larry: what does it mean? >> is a movie from the 90s. ( applause ) it's bill belichickamy at his best. a booty call it's a rendezvous-- a hook-up. >> larry: what is that? >> it's done have a social
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device-- what's a hook-up? >> larry: why would you have sex with a social device? >> because i'm lonely. >> larry: what is booty call? >> booty call is -- >> why do you call the booty? >> when you put-- when you bump uglylatalityuglies late at night-- >> what? >> larry: i don't think you know what this booty call is. >> know what it is. i had it happen to me once. which was great. >> he needs a couple of those. >> larry: regina please, i am an alien, would you please explain walk of shame? >> ooooh. >> larry: what is it? why is there shame in a walk? >> there's no shame in it. there's no shame in it. >> larry: jordan please quiet. >> the walk of shame very commonly happens in colleges.
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>> larry: college? what is college? >> dorms dormitories, places where a lot -- >> someone has sex with a dorm? >> no, someone has sex in a dorm. >> larry: in a dorm, oh, oh. >> usually after doing maybe acts with maybe more than one person or after meeting a person for the first time. >> larry: why does that bring shame? >> because they wake up the next morning and everyone knows their business and they have to walk past all the other -- >>other. >> -- >> larry: is this what you call personal experience? >> i said i wanted one. >> please explain to me i do not know what is called dick pic. it does not make sense. what is it? i know pic. but i do not know dick pic? >> it is when a man is so proud -- >> did he have sex in a dorm? >> he could have.
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but he is so proud of his manlihood -- >> explain manlihood. >> his gen tail-- i can't say it. his dick. >> larry: what is dick? >> it is what men think with. ( applause ) >> wow. >> larry: now i understand dick. you you need to go no further. sabroona, please explain this friends with benefits. i don't understand. >> a horrible movie. very bad. i'm sure it made its way to your planet. >> larry: please explain the sexual meaning. >> you've got a friend but every now and then -- >> why would you have sex with your friend? >> okay, so you're pretty advanced. because, like, you haven't had sex in a while or you're just like-- you see them in a
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different light. they turn around and go, "oh my god, it's you." and then you do sex with them. do you know sex? >> larry: what is the benefit of sex? >> of friends? >> benefit is the sex orgasm hopefully. no orgasm goes back to friend. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> larry: thank you very much. we'll be right one steve-a-rita. some drinks are hardly refreshing. [crash] i'll stick with redd's wicked apple. who wants a steve-a-colada? can't give these things away. redd's wicked apple and new mango. refreshingly hard.
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( cheers and applause ) >> larry: that's all the time we have for tonight. i want to thank our panelists: sabrina jalees, jordan carlos regina king, and shemaz treasury. finally tonight, it's time to check in on "darey wilmore's march badness bracketsball dare-o-mania it's boner time tournament." yes! okay, all right, thank you. we're down to sixteen teams representing sixteen dares. here's a quick look at the dares i still may have to do: xavier has a tough game against arizona tomorrow, but if they win and go all the way, i will host the show wearing a crown of marshmallow peeps-- which it turns out are both delicious and fashionable. who would have known? next up, a national championship for fifth seeded utah means i'll have to sign up for tinder. and we all know the profile pic is a key decision, so let me suggestions. finally, kentucky has me nervous.
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if they win-- and a lot of people think they will-- i have baby-birded, which means-- yeah. to be baby-birded, which means a momma bird-- to be named later. follow the show on twitter and keep an eye out for my video updates as we this is it is 11:59 and 59 seconds, good news ladies and certain fellows the intrepid news folk at elle magazine have blown the 30 off of the most eligible men that lets you change your gps to anywhere in the globe, they creeped


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