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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  May 5, 2015 1:04am-1:37am PDT

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r white, brown or red, ♪ ♪ we shouldn't kill each other ♪ ♪ 'cause that is lame ♪ - ♪ hand-in-hand we can live together ♪ ♪ we shouldn't kill each other we're all the same ♪ - you are such a manipulative asshole, cartman. - yes, but i'm not going to die. ♪ that's why we gotta get along, people ♪ - ♪ we shouldn't kill each other ♪ ♪ 'cause we're all the same ♪ captioning by captionmax - ♪ hand-in-hand we can live together ♪ ♪ we shouldn't kill each other 'cause we're all the same ♪ ♪ black or white, brown or red ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause)
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>> jon: welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart well. have a good show for you tonight. how are you guys tonight? famous movie television producer and author brian grazer is going to be joining us. i got to be honest with you last week with everything that was going on in the world and baltimore in particular, was tough a lot of chaos confusion. so i happened to get a good weekend and coming in today i was feeling fresh fresh start i felt good. >> news breaking overnight from texas. two heavily armed men opened fire at an event featuring a cartoon contest. >> both suspects are dead after being shot by police officers. >> jon: so so my weekend was good until-- [bleep] thank god no innocent people were killed you. but who shoots up a cartoon
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con test. granted ziggy is not what it used to be. and i think garfield has been coasting for a long time. family circus those aren't even jokes it is like an actual circus it seeks to entertain but it really just fills you with sadness. but that's -- >> so what kind of cartoon contest there as if i don't know would provoke such a violent reaction. >> a group called american freedom defense initiative notorious for its anti-islamic views hosting this award ceremony to give more than $10,000 to the best cartoon depicting the prophet muhammad. >> jon: see that is-- [bleep] crazy. $10,000 to a cartoonist? (laughter) that's like five year's salary. that cartoonist could almost consider quitting their two other jobs. at two different cold brew coffee shops. well you know that afdi is
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the same group that lead protests against the ground zero mosque has been plastering subways with anti-islamic advertisements. afdi the first amendment group the same way people from phillie are sports fans. ostensibly they like sports but really, they're just looking for an excuse to punch a stranger and pour beer on someone's baby. so but even so even so i can't believe we have to reiterate this. it is not okay to shoot other people because you are o funded by what they draw even if they drew it to offend you no shooting of them. never okay to shoot people never, ever okay. >> okay, well-- hold up wait wait wait wait. jon what if i like really don't like them. >> jon: you cannot shoot
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people! >> okay. yeah, fine. >> jon: you cannot shoot people. you cannot shoot people because you don't share their opinion. you cannot shoot people even if they offend you. >> what if-- what if i like haven't shot anyone in a long time? >> jon: no. still not okay. >> okay. >> jon: not even if those people specifically set out to provoke you responding to cartoons or words or ideas with violence is wrong! >> but what if someone is creating a climate of hate and intolerance by appealing to people's basest fears. because then you just got to-- . >> jon: no! no you can't-- no no! the violence just perpetuates the fear. you can't. thank you. >> oh. (laughter)
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>> jon: aren't you going to go back down with the rest of them. or are you just goinged to -- >> it's kind of crammed down here i'm just going to hang out here. >> also jon-- (laughter) >> what if it's like deer hunting season and i really thought that that cartoon contest was like a deer you know what i mean? >> jon: no shooting there is no shooting of people! there is no shooting of-- (cheers and applause) >> i agree with you jon we should be able to shoot people. >> jon: no,! i said-- al madrigal, i haven't seen new like six months. when did you get here. >> i have been down here the whole time, man. >> jon: and where is this pizza coming from. are you guys having a party under my desk and you didn't even invite me. it's not right. >> more of like an impromptu thing really. >> yes, you know what it was just like a small thing. >> totally small. >> jon: you guys! -- >> you guys are missing out on-- the pizza!
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missing that pizza. (laughter) >> whooo! >> jon: get out of here issue skat all you guys, get out of here. just go. are you not supposed to shoot people. i hope that settles it. now the question of course was yesterday's attack in texas an isolated incident or part of a more menacing trend because we have been hearing about this fictionally for a while now. >> at least ten isis feetser-- fighters have been caught coming over the border in texas. >> isis knocking on our texas border. >> jon: because you don't answer. when isis knocks you shut the lights out and lie there. never fear uncle sam is to the going to let isis ring and run you texas. in fact not only is the u.s. military conducting training ops in fight icist-like groups guess what they are doing with them. >> texas is one of seven states where the exercises will be held. >> the specials ors training operation called jade helm
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15. >> jon: oh jade helm 15rx i have that issue. it's-- it's-- imprisoned captain-- rest easy texas. good guys with guns are on the case. >> conspiracy theories are one running wild about the army's plan for a multistate training exercise this summer called jade helm 15. >> the military says it's just training soldiers for the realities of war critics say the army is preparing for modern day martial law. >> some are calling it a tech as takeover. (laughter) >> jon: you know who is calling it a tech as takeover? lone star lunatics. dallas [bleep] holes. texas, there is no texas takeover. the united states government already controls texas. it is like since 18406789 and then he left and came back and it is part borrow a textbook from a neighboring state it is all in there. here is how unbelievable-- here
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is how unbelligerent the u.s. military is towards texas. they said a lieutenant colonel to a local texas town hall to waste his time. >> all we want to do is make sure that our guys are trained for combat overseas. >> it is a preparation for martial law. >> it's not a preparation for martial law. >> that is what you say. >> we really truly want-- . >> jon: you see that rit there. that right there? that is the face of someone realizing they're not getting around the public comment on the planned parking lot down by krogers not today. not in this meeting. >> jon: come on crazy people a local town hall meeting is a texas specific story, the constitution says you can't hold a town hall meet woing crazy people. i think it's in there. it's not like this is being taken seriously by anyone who holds actual power. >> on tuesday governor gregg abbott ordered the texas state guard to monitor military personnel movements
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and training exercise scheduled and insurance that safety and constitutional rights of texans were not being violated. >> jon: oh dear lord. (laughter) yesterday another waste of texas funds that could have been spent on actual threats like your infamous chainsaw massacres. texas, it's not as if i don't find it adorable that your governor thinks your state could take on the united states military am a little dog growling at a big dog or-- or an eight-year-old picking a fight with the predator. but enough of the fearmongering. you know these types of exercises have been going on in texas for years right? >> you have marine out here par even groups army ground, will you have air force here navy here all fighting jointly it's good exercise. >> yeah in fact the 2001 roving sands operation was the largest exercise of its kind in history.
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but did then governor rick perry start spreading fear about a texas takeover? he did not. >> texas was fine with the concept of widespread military operations in their state. in the 2004. i don't know what has changed since then, oh right. (laughter) >> america elected a brutal socialist muslim kenyan infectionive harvard school constitutional professor agitator warlock. so texas-- it appears it appears you are on the verge of being taken over by isis or the united states of america. you have a choice to make. when you make it remind yourself and i never thought i would be saying this what would rick perry do. (laughter) we'll be right back.
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when you pick any 3 participating products get a free all better bag. >> jon: welcome back. the supreme court is beginning their debate on gay marriage. many believe that the court will finally rule in favor of-- thus putting the court slightly behind let's say all americans under 80 and network television. but it means for opponents of equality in marriage, it is a difficult time. jessica williams reports. >> last tuesday the prepare court heard oral arguments on same-sex marriage. ot upon ents came out in force. >> america preversions are growing exponentially. >> we believe as my sign says that homosexuality is a threat to national security. >> our country grows darker and eviler by the day. >> ah good times. but with the supreme court likely ruling in favor of gave marriage chances are
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this would be the last herea for the hate class of 2015. before they moved on to the real world i wanted to could them-- commemorate them. >> can you sign this for me please. >> sure. >> thank you so much. >> without would you vote most likely to succeed other than the people that are supporting gay marriage? >> you're definitely best dressed. >> this is my uniform. >> don't feel pride the bar val low really low, there are literally no gay people to help you out. >> did you google this image? >> it's a tool of the truth of what is going on that people don't want to see. >> i'm going to miss that justification for you googling -- >> without would you say is like most outgoing? >> most outgoing? >> oh yeah. >> brother ruben is real. >> ruben israel would be the funnest guy, you have to talk to him.
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>> ruben israel. >> everybody is talking about ruben israel he's like the pop ar guy. >> he's not real popular with the gay community but he is popular with the -- >> there is to way i would get to talk to this big man on campus until it happened. i met mr. charisma himself. >> can i get a hug? >> why would i want to hug you. there are a lot of lesbians around here you can hug. >> i can see why he is so popular. >> it's hard to believe this might all be coming to an end. >> i'm so just really going to miss this. this is the last time that i will be able to hang out with these adoreable bigots. can you hold me? no? is it a little too gay. i just-- love the way you guys protest over something that is like not even an issue any more. do you want to take your hat off and throw it in the air. >> i will leave it right where it is so everybody can read it. >> the tears were flowing.
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i'm going to miss you guys. >> don't worry you have met plenty of sin to cry up. you will see us. >> okay thanks old friend. i'll dry my eyes to that. >> my god put you in hell no tears from me. >> i'm going to miss that. >> yes, you are. >> [cheering and applause] >> jessica williams we'll be right back. that's some gorgeous dirt. >>yeah. it's nature's care. what happens when it rains? >>it gets wet. and then what happens? >>it gets even better. nature's care organic garden soil. that's some good dirt.
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>> well company back. my geses tonight a producer, he's made such filmses a beautiful mind a polo 13 and 8 mile. now also and you thor. of curious mines secret to a bigger life. please welcome to the program brian grazer sir. >> brian grazier how are you. >> great, great happy to be here. >> as well you should be. what an honor. within so here is what you did. you called people up. >> question. >> people that you think interesting and you said i'm brian grazer. i am make films very successful. >> yes, i have done this before i was successful. i have done it frighteningly about 35 years. so i started when i wasn't successful. but now i'm successful. >> jon: when you first
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started, how many times did people go [bleep]? >> well i didn't get the actual [bleep] off but i got the-- but the behavior of [bleep] off it took years sometimes to meet somebody. >> jon: but in general you are coming to pick the brain of these individuals. for what purpose? >> just to learn. i come with-- i always-- i stated in my-- the letter now it's an e-mail or it's a begging but i say there's no ask i'm not did going to ask for anything there is no ask involved. just a pure conversation where we talk to anticipate other with no agenda an learn from one another. and it's-- . >> jon: what did you teach them? >> is oh you make it tough. usually i'm able to ask them good enough questions that they learn something about themselves about their process. >> yeah, learn something about their process. >> jon: did anyone ever leave and go do this again. have you had any repeat business?
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>> yeah usually nobel laureates usually sciences they have nothing else to do except win nobel prizes. >> jon: so nobel laureates have you ever had someone at a certain point where you are like i can't be with you any more. it started out as a conversation and now you're like it's -- >> i'm sure i have had that. >> jon: okay what is their name? >> well you know gar el gee didn't want-- want to meet me. >> jon: los angeles police chief. >> during the rodny king. >> jon: whose entire department was falling under suspicion had to completely revamp. >> right. so i don't think he wanted to-- talk again. >> no, he didn't want to talk again. >> jon: you met castro. >> i met castro yes, that was amazing. >> jon: i can't imagine him answering an e-mail. you sn a letter to castro saying i'm brian grazer or mi amo brian.
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>> very good. >> jon: how did you even hook that up? >> well actually i went with seven other guys one of them tom preston arranged it with braden carter brad gray les moonves. >> jon: heavy hitters in the entertainment. >> yeah, heavy hitters but we all separately tried to reach fiddle. it's not castro if you touch your chin that is how you do it when are you there. >> jon: you don't say castro you just go like that. and we learned. >> jon: the only guy in cuba with a beard? they just bring you to people on the street with beards. >> no no. >> he is the only guy that gets that gesture. >> jon: right right. >> so we all tried our way nothing ripp had. as we were leaving we got the tap on the shoulder he's ready to meet you. he's ready to meet you. all of a sudden we are at the military palace the seven of us these guys heavy hitter guys. and literally t was a six and a half hour lunch.
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and after-- . >> jon: what? >> yeah i know. >> jon: a six and a half hour lunch. >> straight talk he talked for six and a half hours. the first three and a half hours he didn't ask one question. i don't think he breathed. it was just-- it just three and a half hours straight. and then he looked up. and he pointed to me and he said how do dow your hair. >> jon: that's not true. >> it's 100 percent true 100 percent true. >> jon: three and a half hours into it he just turned -- >> turned to the hair. and then i felt i told him how i did it. and then i felt really inadequate. >> jon: no, no no. >> tell how i did it? >> jon: yes! >> oh well i said i have this gel. and he wanted to know what that was. i said it's this water soluble gel. he had an interpreter. i think he understood anyway. and then you put it am your hair and you prop it up. >> jon: the international language of gel. >> gel, yeah instead of this, it's this. >> jon: did he foe-- he must have known who you guys were
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at some level. >> yeah. he knew-- yes i'm sure he knew. i think we were being followed the entire time. >> jon: and i assume he wanted you to take back a message of that -- so was this a political polemic that he delivered you guys. >> yes, pretty much. i mean he knows ef lee little centimeter of that i lan. he know what a kilowatt produces. he knew everything of the physics of this island and every aspect of his culture. and he gets pretty convince. i mean he gets you to almost want to stay. so and that was ten years ago. >> jon: and if you don't will you anyway. >> yeah. >> jon: . >> he is a dictator that's for sure. i did make this mistake. i don't know if this will travel but basically i haven't said this to anyone. but i thought about it i felt inadequate just talking only about my hair so i thought well i'm a movie producer, by the way. and i didn't foe if you knew that he said what do you do? and i was so nervous i said i just recently produced a
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movie called closet land which is about torture in third world countries. i thought i would get some respect for that but i thought this is the most idiotic thing and my friends including tom and les looked at me like why would you say that. he's going to beat us in two. but that was the ends of that. >> jon: how do you break that session. >> how we broke that was graden carter said he also produced the nutty professor. so. >> jon: well, there you go. (applause) >> jon: a curious mijd many more stories where that came from. on the book shelves now. brian grazer.
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why is there a merman in the pool? why is there a kevin federline ice sculpture? why is there a grilled cheese riding piggyback on a cheeseburger? why? cuz, things get weird late at night. that's why i make the munchie meal. it's a box fulla crazy craveables like the stacked grilled cheeseburgr or chick-n-tater melt, plus halfsie fries, two tacos and a drink all for just six bucks. so get one tonight, and get weird. >> jon: that's all for us. we're going to check in quick with larry wilmore at the nightly show what shapping. >> hey, jon. >> jon: love, love love the piece in baltimore where you went down to the diner and spoke with gang members. >> larry: thanks, jon. that was some of fun. in fact one of them said he saw you at the