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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  June 30, 2015 6:23pm-6:55pm PDT

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, everybody's buzzing in the office tonight. we got ourselves taylor schilling. taylor schilling is going to join us. (applause) >> i don't even know where to start. last week was amazing! all right we all know country's been in a bit of a rough patch latly. the [bleep] i believe it's referred to. (laughter) but then all of a sudden out of nowhere confederate flags start coming undo supreme court decisions supporting health care fair housing marriage equality. it was a display-- (cheers and applause)
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>> jon: stunning in its-- it was a display stunning in its a lack rit and its completenessment traditionally victimized communities granted the legal dignity that had been denied them so many years. truly a moment of joy or or or-- (laughter) to put that another way -- >> today some of the darkest 24 hours in our nation's history. (laughter) boo! >> jon: they're not booing they're saying clue! why what-- what is wrong the darkest 24-- what is wrong-- the insurance exchanges remain open sir and committed same-sex couples can form lifelong stabilizing life long legalizeed bonds truly
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voldemort has risen and the living will envy the dead. what is your worldview. of course we need not take seriously the hyperbolic apocalyptic rantings of a sitting united states senator. luckily for senator cruz there were other survivors of good new -mageddon. >> it was a huge loss for democracy. >> they essentially turned the u.s. stux on its head and i believe put a nail in the democratic process. >> there will be an effort to force people to conform. >> this is redefining a fundamental institution. >> suppose three people say we want to be a marriage. we're three people, and we love each other and we want to be married. what's to prevent that under this? (laughter)
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>> jon: because people aren't born polygamists. you know i knew even when i was five i was different. wile the other boys played with trucks and army men i was figuring out bed sharing schedules. (laughter) not that there aren't real victims here. what happened to a florist who doesn't want to provide flowers to a gay wedding. are they going to be forced either out of business like the florist the caterers. >> the evangelical florists and bakers around the country who are coerced where does it stop? >> enough! i'm so tired of this old stereotype about anti-gay florists. (laughter) it's all we ever hear about anti-gay florists. let me tell you something
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are some florists anti-gay of course there's truth in every stereotype. just like some scottsman are stingy and some frenchman wear striped shirts and carry around long bread. but not-- not all florists hate gay people. and its's time we accept that. the really are weird part of the conservative reaction when it stops being being with the court making this decision and starts criticizing the idea of the court making any decision. >> rick santorum said today five unelected judges redefined the foundational unit of society. >> and what a crazy system to have the most important issues of our day decided by unelected lawyers. >> five unelected black-robed lawyers resulted that is not the america that our founding fathers created. (laughter) >> jon: then why did they put that article in the
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constitution? so why would-- (cheers and applause) >> jon: this is the stupidest-- the founding fathers come up with this unbelievable idea for a country, right and some jack ass throws in something about pro equal branch of governments possesses judicial review over the legislation and the founding fathers come in the next day and said what the [bleep] with this idiot. what is this? i told you we had article 1 2 and 4 i don't know what 3 is. i don't know what that is. i didn't write that! even some on the supreme court seem shocked that there is a supreme court. >> john roberts quote, the majority's decision is an ago of will, not legal judgement. the right it announces has no basis in the constitution or this court's precedent adding just who do we think we are. >> jon: perhaps it's time we
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go back to when a supreme court was just a court with extra sour cream. did you know that that was the original court? the original supreme court. (cheers and applause) >> jon: the original sprem court was a court with extra sour cream. i am a good -- and of course justice alito had to get in his argument against the progress of humankind. >> here is what skrus 'tis alito said in his dissent. i assume that those who cling to old beliefs will be able to whisper their thoughts in the reskess of their homes but if they repeat those views in public they will risk being labeled as bigots and treated as such by governments employers and schools. >> jon: right, oh you mean that like it's a bad thing. (laughter) >> jon: i would still like to be able to call lady
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sugar-- hey slow down there uncle creepy that's your cardiologist you know why can't we just continue disliking and shunning the people we've always disliked and shunned. everybody was always okay with it but them. the your problem isn't judicial activist or overreach or politically correct policing. your problem here is bald-faced out in the open common sense experience. that's why you're not going to win the marriage equality fight, this. >> let's talk about same-sex marriage. >> i'm traditional maerj. >> but what do you say to a lesbian who is married or a gay man who is married who says donald trump what is traditional about being married three times. >> well i they have a very good point. >> jon: yes, they do. that is the point. you're to the going to win the marriage equality fight because even a man path logically disposed to not
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understanding other people's points of view unless it is also labeled trump even he gets it. not that he doesn't try to set aside what went wrong with tradition in his particular case. >> but you know, i have been a very hardworking person. >> my two wife approximates very good. and i don't blame them. >> i blame myself because my business was so powerful for me. >> jon: here's what i'm telling you. i am for traditional marriage but to be fair the trump business is hotter than any wife could possibly be. (laughter) wouldn't you [bleep] one of my golf courses. i think you would. all 18 holes. you'd come back for more. that's a birdie oh. be right back. (chee
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>> jon: welcome back as we have seen last week very upsetting, the supreme court conservative wing there was one justice in the process seemed to not just disappoint but to actually -- >> scalia said we should really start calling this law scotuscare. >> the opinion showy profundities are often profoundly incoherent. >> the supreme court has descended to the mystical
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aphorisms of the fortune cookiest. >> calling the court's reasoning an durd-- absurd jiggery pokery and pure applesauce. (laughter) >> jon: you kiss your mother with that mouth? jiggery pokery applesauce? sir! let us not say things we can never take back. (laughter) or even understand. (laughter) it is so interesting. if you look in the old man dictionary that scalia is apparently using the definition of jiggery pokery is your applesauce. and many people don't know this, pure applesauce is defined as sass a fras what won't be stood for. (laughter) which is defined as you!
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i think we found scalia's tell. the crankiness of his insults runs-- dow like that the crankiness of his insults-- (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> i assume he would rule in favor of freedom of speech. (laughter) the crankiness of scalia's insults rubin verse to his intellectual consistency here is a specific problem he had with the gay equality rule. >> scalia said today's decision ignores the will of the voters to impose the judgement of an elite few. a select-- highly unrepresentative panel of nine. >> jon: because unlike the judges should never overturn the will of the voters unless the voters will was for obamacare, which he was glad to try to destroy the day before, or if the voters wanted to limit campaign finance funding then he had no problem to tell people to [bleep] off at that time. or if the voters want a voting right abs and
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continued electing congresses by huge supermajority, then not only does he overturn it he had no problem dismissing all those elected representatives motives for passing racial justice legislation in the first -- >> whenever a society adopts a racial entitlements it is very difficult to get out of them to the normal political processes. i'm fairly confident it will be reenacted in perpetuity unless unless a court can say it does not comport with the constitution. >> jon: unless a court says that? or the select patrition highly unrepresentative panel of nine carrying out the-- or you must not mean-- you must not mean that court, you mean the heartland 5-4 majority conservative court that still takes counselling from the founder's underground brain jar farm. oh brain of madison and
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jefferson what did you mean by equal again? how about when scalia handed down v gore without precedent. how did he explain that to voters who felt their voice was being unser mondayuously taken away. >> gee, i really don't want to get in-- this is get over it, it's so old by now. >> jon: any time the people agree with me they should have the final say it's called democracy. you know what i feel bad for scalia i really do. his modern day-- diogene wants everything to go his way all the time forever. then we had to go and give him one of the worst fridays in his life. so in a gesture of empathy we present this ode antonin salia. ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪. >> ooh, applesauce ♪ ♪ oh jiggery pokery.
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better? better. marcia, marcia, marcia... ♪ brighten up the afternoon with happier hour at taco bell. dollar drinks and freezes everyday from 2 to 5pm. only at taco bell. you know blue moon didn't always come with an orange. early on, i noticed people serving our beer with lemons-- kinda like a traditional belgian wit. but we brewed blue moon belgian white with valencia orange peel for a subtle
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sweetness. that's when i got the idea for the orange garnish. so what i would do was bring bags of oranges to bars and show bartenders how to garnish our beer. people loved it. and when they realized it brought out the orange peel in the beer, they loved it even more. you could say the orange on top, brought it all together. okay, what is this? it's chewy. really icy. wooh. that's intense! it just hits you. its gum. no. it's totally a mint! it's disappearing as i am chewing it. where did it go? it's not a gum. not a mint. it's a totally new cool. new ice breakers cool blasts. (cheers and applause) welcome back. my guest has a new film out called the overnight also the star of netflix's orange is the new black. >> the microwave stopsed worked yesterday. so i'm trying to fix it. >> by assigning-- we avoid
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this cost of hiring outside contracts. everybody contributes to the community. >> well not everyone. some people try to destroy it. >> what seems to be the problem there? >> the thermal fuse blew. >> you can fix that by yourself, honey? >> i sure can. if i concentrate extra hard with my lady brain. >> jon: lady brain please welcome taylor schilling. how are you? (applause) what's happening? >> hey! >> look at you. >> oh my god w a big success. >> you, are you so funny. >> jon: i tell jokes professionally. >> i'm so excited to be here. lack at all these nice people. (cheers and applause) >> jon: no let's not get
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crazy. they're part of a local methodone program we're running. how are you doing? this-- you they so i-- netflix. >> i mean-- . >> jon: come on! >> that's all i have to say about it. >> jon: that's what i thought. >> come on! >> jon: i want to catch up on but i am so far behind are you behind. >> yes. i'm very far behind. you know i don't really watch it. >> jon: your show. >> no. do you watch-- . >> jon: oh it's very good. >> thank you. >> jon: and by the way you very good in it. you should watch it. >> oh thanks. do you watch this? after you tape it? >> jon: yes this show no no, i find this show crap. no. i don't care for this program. you know what i think would happen if i watched it it would be it's on late at night and then i think i would be like oh look at that old jewish henrey
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winckler looking guy. that guy really looks like he might have hepatitis. and then i would be nervous and i would probably have a-- or something like that. now that is-- i did when you are in a movie it's different. because you kind of have to go to that. they would like you to go. >> yeah you have to. and i've seen it it's not like i don't-- i don't ban myself from watching it. but i also sort of have this sense of like i would just a soon be watching your show. >> jon: you know what i mean so many americans agree with you on that they watch this show. >> i don't want to say it i hesitated to brag on this but it's the most popular-- do you remember american idol? >> of course i do. >> jon: -- >> jon, you won. >> jon: i won. >> you're american's idol. >> jon: did you this film right. >> yes. >> jon: those two guys are
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maybe the most prolific comedy writer director actor guys i think i have ever seen and all their stuff top-notch. not a dud in the bunch. >> not one i don't know how they do it. >> jon: how did you get involved with this. >> i don't know i have no idea. >> jon: you don't even watch your own show. >> i don't know what i am doing. >> jon: taylor. >> what day is it. >> jon: are you good enough, are you smart enough and gosh darn it people like you. the thing about these types of shows when they hit like lightning, your life changes overnight. like your life changed overnight, yes? >> yeah, i think i actually think it happened intentionally the way people watch netflix it all comes out of one swrz like a weekend. >> and suddenly they-- it was like 48 hours and by the first time it happened and everyone was just like-- . >> jon: did you track that on your like contact, did you suddenly your phone -- >> my contacts. >> jon: your contacts on a phone. >> i have contacts on my phone but how would-- i track the popularity of the
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show on my contacts, explain this to me jon. >> jon: the week be it comes out what weekend let's really paint a picture here. what is the weekend. >> we could say like june 6th 2013. >> jon: and all of a sudden your blackberry or your beeper starts to buzz with people checking in going i'm just watching your show. it's [bleep] amazing that is what i meant. >> yeah, yeah my contacts everybody in my contacts started getting really excited. that did happen swrz i'm so technically savvy. >> you were. (laughter) >> my pager was blowing up. >> jon: your pager was blowing up. >> blowing up. >> jon: you didn't have a pager then. >> pagers are a little before my time but i have a cell phone. >> jon: hang on a second let me just pull that out for a second. >> oh man. (laughter) >> jon: it's the sad truth pagers came out i was already too old for one. pagers came out and i was like i'm 30 years olding i'm not a drug dealer. what do i need a pager for. yeah, the whole thing. did you know computers are a
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wol different -- >> they are different. >> jon: very different. we used to type. >> no. >> jon: i did reports we would type. >> wow. clickity clack. (laughter) >> jon: yup. >> jon: i'm awfully fond of you. all right. season three in orange is the new black is on netflix. the overnight is in theaters now. >> yay! (laughter) i really like that movie. >> jon: . >> did you see it? >> jon: no. >> maybe if you get a chance if you have a week off. >> jon: can i tell you something, i will have nothing but timement i will be bling watching the [bleep] out of egg. catching up on old flintstones, taylor schilling, everybody let her here it. (cheers and applause) i like my seafood like i like my vacations: tropical. and at red lobster's island escape,
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[classical music] i can hear you breathing. please stop. eggs dauphine, my lady. blanche, i said i wanted scrambled eggs. blanche, you idiot! you got egg upon my snood! he was going to wear that today! now he has to select another snood! i'm lillian. i'm the pretty, smart, funny, ambitious nice body, soon-to-be famous one. and i'm beatrice. i'm the pretty one. sir, telegram for you, lady beatrice. ooh! [clears throat] oh. mm. [sighs] what does it say? i don't know how to read. right. oh, darling, your friends, the claudette sisters? they've p