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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  July 20, 2015 6:18pm-6:51pm PDT

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. >> okay, that's our show i want to thank our panelists our barber shop panelist holly walker mike yard rory albanese and ricky velez. >> and a special thanks to my new hero bree newsome. (cheers and applause) >> larry: an before we go good luck to the u.s. women's soccer team. let's kick the world cup ass! (cheers and applause)
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from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart! (cheers and applause) ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hi, everybody! welcome to "the daily show"! my name is jon stewart! my guest tonight one of our all-time favorites, sarah vowell will be joining us tonight. we're so excited about that. (cheers and applause) you know what? this is the last show before we go on a break a couple-week break. then when we get back, basically it's a three-week run to the finale. obviously, i've got a lot of mixed emotions about this, but i want to talk about one person
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who's been there for me, really throughout this whole run but especially near the end of the run. his name is donald. (laughter) and... (cheers and applause) good man. and donald recently glided back into my life on his solid gold up and down people mover, cranked up the unauthorized millian, opened up his crazy hole and made a promise to me that i would never be without material again! (laughter) >> when mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. they're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. they're bringing drugs. they're bringing crime. they're rapists. and some, i assume, are good people. (laughter)
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>> jon: that's our donald trump reminding america that as many as a handful of people -- (laughter) -- coming across our southern border are not rapists! (laughter) he assumes... he's sure about the rapist part. (laughter) but feels that, i guess by pure law of averages, there are probably some non-rapists caught up in that tide, whether they're unable to rape for medical reasons or -- (laughter) -- or whether they are just all raped out! (laughter) as you can imagine, this statement from a republican presidential candidate --
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(laughter) was noticed. >> nbc announced plans to cut all business ties to donald trump. >> univision is dropping all ties with donald trump. >> at serta mattress company to the list. >> ricky martin is yanking his golf tournament off trump properties. >> jon: i am shocked! i am shocked that so many people were okay going doing business with donald trump up to this point -- (laughter) -- but you know our p.c. culture immediately moves to shut controversial speakers up and censor them by interviewing them everywhere all the time. >> but i want to know whether or not you would stick by these comments. do you regret you didn't have a script? do you want to apologize for anything? >> would you take any of that back? >> dodo you regret saying that specifically about rapist or do you stand by it? >> and before you answer remember my question included
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the words regret, rapist and you! (laughter) which, in the news business, is called a hint! now, obviously mr. trump was speaking extemporaneously. did donald take this opportunity to walk back his comments, to express regret over misrepresenting the situation of saying something inelegantly? of course not. and you know why he's not walking them back? because walking is for losers. (laughter) winners glide. usually down escalators, into malls. of >> of course, they're criminals in many cases. why would i change that statement? >> some are good, rapist -- i'm talking about all over the world, they're coming through southern bored. >> i'm not knocking anybody. if i were doing mexico, would be
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senting the killers drug dealers, rapists -- >> jon: and the possibilities of a possible trump presidency, i would put all my country's rapists and criminals on a bus and send them to the next country to the north. chomp on that, canada. (laughter) now, i know it's a fool's errand to try and disprove the ravings of a mad man but according toa study in a peer reviewed journal criminology there's no correlation between increased crime and degeneration. hurting and killing each other is a job americans are willing to do themselves. donald k you point to figure that backs up your statement? >> this was an article by fusion. somebody said fusion's owned by univision. this one says 80% of central
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american women and girls are raped crossing into the united states. >> that's about women being raped. it's not about criminals coming across the border or entering the country. >> well, somebody's doing the raping, don. (laughter) >> jon: to touche. i believe we have our campaign slogan from 2016 -- somebody's doing the raping... (applause) it is hard to get mad at donald trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo. it's a monkey. it's what they do. in some ways it's on you for watching. what does get me angry is the
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ridiculous disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey. >> ya know, a lot of politicians would have apologized by now and said, well, this is what i really meant. that's really what he meant, largely. he said, ya know, there -- there's a problem when the southern border is not secure. >> jon: nobody really canceling business with donald trump. if he had said in his speech, you know, there is a problem when our southern borders are insecure. but that's not what he said. >> when mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. they're rapists. and some, i assume, are good people. >> jon: he's still not even sure if some are good people! (laughter) >> well, i think what happens is that -- that it gets distorted, perhaps a little bit. >> he didn't say most mexicans were rapists. he said they are -- he's speaking -- generally speaking of the criminals that are doing this. >> jon: i don't even know what that means, but i know that's not what he said! let me play this again at a speed even steve king can
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understand. (playing slowly) >> they're rapists. and some, i assume, are good people. >> jon: get... it... steve? do you understand that's what people are upset about? (applause) so are we settled? >> should he apologize for what he said? >> i don't think he should apologize for speaking out against the problem that is illegal immigration. i recognize the p.c. world, the mainstream media don't want to admit it -- >> jon: that is such buzz word (bleep). let's get straight what donald trump said. follow the classy ball. >> they're bringing drugs... they're bringing crime... they're rapists... and some i assume, are good people. ♪ (cheers and applause) >> jon: stop pretending!
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he said mexico is purposely sending us drugs killers and rapists and within that group there may be -- he's not sure -- some people who are good. that's the part he's not sure about. he's only sure about the overwhelming number of killers, rapist and drug addicts mexico has sent us. that's what he said. but the one good thing to come out of this is the farce of this candidacy is on display for all voters see and the results will be obvious. >> the billionaire who jumped to second place among republicans in a recent national poll also placing second in the first two critical battle grounders of iowa and new hampshire. >> jon: (bleep) me.
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because when you're cool you're comfortable. so good. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back! what is in a name? that by we we call a rose by any other name would still... you know? grow and... (laughter) you know, when it comes to mountains, it's trickier as
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jordan klepper reports. >> p.c. culture is out of control. first, they came for our team names and i said nothing because i wasn't a professional sports franchise but now they're coming for our mountains. mt. mckinley named after our beloved 25th president is under attack by the indigenous people of alaska. >> they call it mt. mckinley but we want it to be denali. >> all over alaska, people are advocating to name this mountain after a popular sport utility vehicle. >> it's our lands and our people have put a lot of value into the name denali of the mountain. it means the high one or the great one. >> this mountain has been named after mckinley since 1896. what gives you the right rewrite 100 years of history? >> my people have been here over 10000 years. >> 10,000? really? (bleep). but luckily, people who don't
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live anywhere near the mountainen are able to stop the geographic board of names from considering this outrageous proposal and proud ohio thinks mckinley's legacy is worth fighting for. >> the people of ohio are very adamant that we want the name to stay mt. mckinley. he had a lot of contributions to our nation and deserves it. >> because he was the first one to the top of the mountain. >> he didn't climb the mountain. was the first american president to see the mountain. >> he never saw the mountain. did so much for alaska. alaska was not a state at the time. >> what is it that has to do with ohio? , well, it's our president whose name is on a mountain and he was the best president who came from ohio. >> one of our greatest presidents? >> above average president. he's not one of the best but not the worst. >> that counts for smrks not being the worst. >> absolutely. gotta hurt when the curator of your own museum thinks you're
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just all right. but the people of canton, ohio won't stop fighting for their favorite mediocre son. >> actually, i don't know a lot about him. >> he done all kind of things. he voted for the constitution. >> you don't likely know (bleep) about president mckinley but you do know you definitely shouldn't change the name of the mountain. >> right. but as he showed me his alaska home, it was clear he need add lesson in ohio. >> this is a land that provides a living for our people. >> you should see canton a gift shop, a pro football hall of fame everyone has to see once in their life. the spirit of mckinley was everywhere i looked. look a big dog. >> we call that a moose and baby moose, one of the primary food sources of my people. >> mckinley had a parrot named
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"washington post," i think, that sang yankee doodle. so... sadly he still didn't get it. >> when someone comes here and tries to rename it, a person who's never been to alaska in the first place, it's a disrespect to the value of our people and culture. >> but i'm sure the people of ohio have good reasons for continuing the fight. what would happen if the name got changed? >> maps everywhere got to change google. it's a hassle to change a name. don't want to change the name. >> sorry native alaskans, we can't honor your heritage because it would be a hassle. >> you start unnaming a mountain after a president, you forget all about him and it's a bad road to go down. >> what do you know about alaskan culture? >> nothing. do you agree it's good to help people know about it. >> sure. renaming a mountain is hassle, but a sacrifice alaskans
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must mike. >> this could be hayes mountain, that's a taft tail if i've ever seen one. that's. >> that's an east coast way of thinking i guess. >> thank you. is had to be part of ohio's culture over a century. i had to see it close but of course i don't know how to climb (bleep). ♪ president mckinley ♪ ♪ president mckinley ♪ ♪ president mckinley ♪ what are the actual lyrics? finally i was on the mountain that reminded canton of their beloved president. (bleep). bheep to.(bleep) to do with ohio. maybe your people have been disrespected for long enough. >> we need to be able to change the tide and honor the people of whose lands we live on.
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from the git go, resistance from ohio. >> yeah, because they're dicks. trust me. >> that's not my call. i stand by it. people from ohio are dicks. >> legislators from ohio, i have one more message for you. (cheers and applause) >> jordan klepper everyone! ( groan ) i'm starving. we've been compromised! don't let hunger kill your game. hot pockets brings you new snack bites. bite-size hot pockets sandwiches with 100% real cheese. guy's i'm back! new snack bites from... ♪hot pockets♪ ♪cheesy bites♪ ♪with new crust flavors♪ ♪flavor!♪ pizza hut's cheesy bites pizza is back with your choice of 1 of 7 crust flavors, like bbq and ranch. no one has more flavor. only at pizza hut you know when you book a fabulous vacation cause the photos look amazing? (waves crashing, seagull calling) but you get there and find out it's far from amazing. (flies buzzing) it's almost like it was too good to be true?
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(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back! my guest tonight best-selling author, her book is called "lafayette in the somewhat united states." please welcome back to our program sarah vowell! (cheers and applause) ♪ >> jon: sarah vowell is here! i've missed you. >> i know! >> jon: i'm so delighted you could come join us. >> i'm glad i could be at your death bed, too! just like president garfield of
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ohio. >> jon: it is sivment does mckinley deserve an alaska mountain? they're just throwing mountains around to everybody. >> do we really want to talk about mckinley? i mean who doesn't, right? >> jon: yeah, i do want to talk about lafayette. because i'm fascinated. >> i have been thinking about mckinley. >> jon: why. because of news about the confederate flag. you know the civil war the people in the union and the president at the time, a lot of ones on that side were republicans. >> jon: yes. and then a lot of people these days who want to keep the confederate flag on their stupid state lawns are, some of them are republican. and you're, like what happened? it was president mckinley. he had this guy named mark hannah, like -- >> jon: the animater? (laughter) >> he was like his karl rove. >> jon: oh, okay. he has a very nice tomb in cleveland, if you're in town. and he decided, you know, it was in the 1890s, and he decided
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there are all these white guys down south that can vote. we should get them to vote for the republicans. he sent mckinley down south and mckinley gave speeches about how the civil war was about american valor. >> jon: wow! that's how they -- >> jon: that's southern strategy. >> that's how they started -- >> jon: why didn't that take hold until, like, george wallace and the dixiecrats? >> well, it takes a while because the guy still remembered being shot at (laughter) >> jon: so still don't trust the democrats, they were shooting at them. >> it was a long process but i feel they were successful in the end (laughter) >> jon: let's go back even further, now to the beginning of this grand extravaganza and lafayette. >> let's ruin everyone's fourth of july. >> jon: let's not. let us enlighten the world from your perspective, why lafayette, what is so valuable about him
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and how did a child -- he was a child. >> he was 19. >> jon: a child! yeah. >> jon: when he came to basically defend america. >> yeah. >> jon: why did he do that? one reason the british had killed his dad in a war, so he had a grudge. (laughter) >> jon: this is get tock a theme throughout history. >> he wanted to get away from his inlaws (laughter) and he believed in the ideals of freedom and liberty. >> jon: so did lafayette then have to convince the king of france, why don't we get involved in this? which could explode it into a global war? >> right, he was in on it. there were some ministers working for the king of france, you know, prime minister verjin. >> jon: yeah, he was tremendous. >> yeah. well, i think of you as my verjin. >> jon: you think of he as your prime minister of verjin who ultimately got the king killed. >> because he spent his money
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helping us and they went bankrupt and the peasants are like, i'm hungry! (laughter) the founding fathers had a problem with taxation without representation in general but are pretty open minded about taxing the french people. >> jon: without representation. >> yeah. >> jon: that is an irony that i never picked up on. >> somebody should write a book about it. (laughter) >> jon: i hope they do soon. very soon. >> yeah. >> jon: so lafayette comes here. he wants glory. without lafayette, in truth, we have to be honest here without lafayette, there is no united states. we don't defeat. >> well, he's pretty important. he's thinking i'm going to go help these people who believe in liberty and, you know some of them wanted to stay in great britain and some of them wanted to fire george washington. >> jon: right. we were always a bunch of bickerers. >> jon: so you're not surprised by the tenor in the country right now you're not surprised by the arguments we're having in the country now and
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this has really been a part of our dna from the get-go. >> sure. and it's our strength as well as weakness. at continental congress, one guy said we should have a fast day. they don't eat to humble themselves before their god. and jefferson is like, mmm, that seems a little religious (laughter) and then john adams stands you have and he's like, jefferson! i thought you were a man of piety and virtue! and now in! (laughter) and right at the moment, adams is like, hmm, jefferson is my friend, maybe i offended him. at that moment jefferson got up out of his chair and went over and just sat next to his friend, john adams. so it's, like, we can fight and we can disagree but we can still sit next to each other. (applause) >> jon: lafayette in the somewhat united states! that is a beautiful message to end this on. one of my favorite authors of
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♪ ♪ ♪ get excited for the 1989 world tour with exclusive behind the scenes footage all of taylor swift's music videos interviews, and more. xfinity is the destination for all things taylor swift. >> jon: that's our show! here it is, your moment of zen! >> consumers should not be looking over any fireworks. these are designed to be lit by professionals so consumers can be joining them in a sky.