tv The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Comedy Central August 11, 2015 6:22pm-6:55pm PDT
>> jon: oh, welcome to the daily show! i'm jon stewart. boom! my guest tonight, amy schumer! amy schumer is going to be here. i forgot-- let's begin tonight, we're very excited because we've got good news. the california drought is over because last week a special group in california made it rain! >> big stop on the money trail in the race for the white house. the koch brothers hosted five candidates over the weekend at a business conference in southernical call. >> they're spending their time pitching to what's been called the koch primary. >> jon: the koch primary? (laughter) the koch brothers have pledged to give almost a billion dollars to buy the next election. meaning five of the top republican can the das were happy to come on down for a chance to done el some koch.
no, ted cruz, carlee fiorina, scott walker, jeb bush and marco rubio, worked the talking points and cradled the special interests in the hopes of one of them after a period of what minutes to an hour would induce the money shop. and really, they didn't care which koch went off. to be fair though, that's not really why they were there. >> in the end, money doesn't win elections. ideas do. i wish the whole world could see what goes on here. (laughter) >> jon: oh, i think we see it. and i think it looks a little something like this. (laughter) (applause) you know, i wonder, i wonder what wry commentary the spider whoive wills above the pig would have if his
rather corrupting picture-- oh my god, oh, she couldn't take it. charlotte! oh sweet charlotte! you were supposed to die of natural causes, you know, under a shoe or-- at the business end of a rolled up news magazine. but the governor from wisconsin makes a good point. though the world should-- see what goes on at these conferences, why hasn't the world been more aware of what goes on at koch events? >> freedom partners founded by the koch brothers normally conducts its summer conference in secrecy. this year it's a little different. they are letting us listen to some of the gop candidates. >> jon: ooh, yes, nothing says freedom partners like occasionally, partially pulling back the veil of secret presidential forums. you know, i felt the same way when i was invited to cover the american liberty patriot conference. i just said-- yeah, there you go. (laughter) dark, quiet, fed me through
my anus. of course we all know freedom has its limits. when one of the actual koch brothers spoke tow forum, that was embargoed and not allowed to be filmed because freedom. (laughter) >> saul koch one of the koch brothers said and i want to read the quote here talking directed to this i:. we're headed towards a two-tiered society, destroying opportunities for the disadvantaged and creating welfare for the rich. >> jon: wait, the billionaire leader of the secret political machine warned a two-tiered society where we're-- i get it. she's reading the wrong tone. it actually went like this. people, we're headed to a two-tiered society! that's destroying tune for the disadvantaged and creating welfare for the rip! congratulations! you did it! we did it! we did it! (cheers and applause)
so a tiny number of people have a disproportionate say on who governs the rest of us. i may not like t you may in the like it but at this point the billionaire patronage election process is an accepted picture of our electoral procedure. >> almost every one of the primary candidates has a billionaire at his back, which means the life of their candidacies is now divorced from their ability to directly raise money for voters. >> jon: finally! a democratic system that removes a connection between elections and voters. (laughter) our politicians will no longer be beholden to big citizens. (laughter) simple time management. you can spend all your time collecting $2 from millions of people or a little time collecting billions of dollars from one guy. by the way, these are very -- times. >> this organization is supported by people of great accomplishment, and intellect.
>> david and charles have kind of harnessed that frustration and said instead of just being angry about it, let's do something about it. >> i'm honored to be here, truly honored to be here, i appreciated the invitation. >> the men and women in this room spilled gallons of blood, spent their fortunes retaking the senate. >> you since have met the real david koch, what is he like. >> he is sitting right there. but even david, if you weren't there, i would say good things. (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> jon: you see, these candidate goes out to a billionaire conference begging for money. they wind up looking like a bunch of puppies. try finding a republican candidate without will tell you that. >> donald trump tweeting out i wish good luck to all of the republican candidates that traveled to california to beg for money, et cetera,
from the koch brothers. puppets. question mark. (cheers and applause) >> jon: who is this trump fella? i like the cut of his jib. we'll have to look into that. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) lily lily, may i call you lily? i don't really know what else you'd ca- lily, i want an iphone, with a great data plan to share pictures of this smile. well, all of our mobile share value plans come with rollover data so the data you don't use this month rolls over to the next. wow. using unused data for all sorts of uploads. my constituents love... to... watch...me talk. today's leftover data means a brighter future tomorrow america. write that down. right now, get $300 credit for every line you switch to at&t when you buy any iphone for $0 down with an eligible smartphone trade- in.
break the ice, with breath freshening cooling crystals. ice breakers. left twix® is extra crisp so it stays crunchy when we apply caramel and chocolate. >>right twix has the same thing. they have packing tape like that over at right twix? try both. pick a side. twix >>mine hurt more.. >>mine stopped hurting faster! neosporin plus pain relief starts relieving pain faster and kills more types of infectious bacteria neosporin plus pain relief kills the germs. fights the pain. use with band-aid brand. only pull 'n' peel let's you pull it, peel it, play it. fun never tasted so good with chewy, fruity pull 'n' peel candy from twizzlers.
tsummer event is here. now get the unmistakable thrill and the incredible rush of the mercedes-benz you've always wanted. but you better get here fast... yay, daddy's here! here you go, honey. thank you. ...because a good thing like this phew! won't last forever. see your authorized dealer for an incredible offer on the exhilarating c300 sport sedan. but hurry, offers end august 31st. share your summer moments in your mercedes-benz with us.
pie weekend. i got home from church around 3:00. or you know, whatever time it is that churches let out and my kids were in the tv room watching fox news because-- cuz, you know, i don't have time to teach them morality. and i walked in on this. >> jon stewart secret meetings with president obama. >> tries to explain away his bro-man's with a bama. >> does this dent his haloa bit? he has become more and more and more a tool, really, of the obama administration. >> it looks like he's getting-- like everybody else. >> if you serve a politician idea logical agenda, you are a propagandist. >> jon: hey, they're talking about me! (cheers and applause) >> jon: this it so exciting. i'm going to be famous! (laughter) hey, you know, one thing i saw in that whole report there is they didn't seem to
support their assertions with evidence. (laughter) you like to nail me as a propagandist. you could have just shown a clip of me shamelessly pimping for some signature policy like obamacare. >> we're going to do a challenge. i'm going to try and download every moviever made, and you're going to try and sign up for obamacare and we'll see which happens first. (cheers and applause) >> jon: i won't miss me. (laughter) a bit of a dick. but okay, that one didn't work out. but to your point of me being an administration stooge, maybe you could have done this, okay, demonstrate my consistent suck upitude
with the president that is a way to make your case, that is a way to do it. >> jon stewart making president obama over the libyan assassination situation. >> sebelius went on jon stewart, got drilled jon stewart grilling nancy ples pelosi. >> jon stewart mocking the obama re-election. >> jon stewart goes sour on president obama. >> even jon stewart has been hammering at this. >> even jon ste wrt. >> jon stewart want after president obama. >> even daily show host stewart. >> even comedy central's jon stewart. >> if he has lost jon stewart-- i'm just saying. >> jon: what? what are you saying? what happened! (cheers and applause) lost jon stewart. by the way, how often does a dude have to criticize the president before his name legally changes from even jon stewart to unsurprisingly jon stewart. (laughter) all right. none of that stuff worked in proving it, but that's not the end of your search here,
howard and other guy whose name escapes me on the show. here's what you could have done, okay. to prove improper collusion, find a memo from me to the president giving the president advice about my area of expertise, communications. like me advising him that americans will only be patient with the war on terror if they are convinced the president is using the harshest measures possible. that wasn't me, all right. i'm sorry, that was fox news chairman roger ailes to president bush. i'm sorry. no-- that is the balance part. i should have watched rehearsalment i-- over and over again, i wrongly believe that i am helping howard kurtz with his case against me and yet i apparently seem to be doing the opposite. i have got one. oh, this one, is going to blow your mother [bleep] mind. this one! this one, fox, this one is going to make your case dead to rights. okay.
imagine me on air being taught by a democratic op rattive as to the proper way to frame an important issue, not to clarify that issue, but to give it a decidedly advantageous partisan spin, this will be good. >> you call it a public option. the american people would say if you called it the government option, the public is overwhelmingly against it. >> you know what, it's a great point and from now on i will call it the government option. >> jon: all right, no, no, wait. okay, that's [bleep] up, that guy is a tool, that doesn't matter. all right. it's not like anybody in a position of editorial or moral authority at fox was caught in this damning political collusion by an as future media critic. >> bill sammon fox's vice president and washington managing editor issued a memo telling the troops let's not slip back into calling it the public option. please use the term government run health insurance or when brevity is a concern, government option whenever possible.
>> jon: . >> and the troops fell into line. >> jon: [bleep] i'm just playing around with you guys. your hypocrisy isn't a bug in the fox model, it is the feature. your job is to discredit any source of criticism that might hurt the conservative brand, by angrily holding them to standards you yourselves jettisoned in your news network's mission statement. but i would be happy to listen if you make an actual argument. my hunch is this show has been harder on the obama administration and this president per capital that-- per capita than you ever were in your eight years of bush finger banging. though, i imagine you won't get around to verifying that since you are probably still working on getting back to us about those fox lies-- 50 fox lies in six seconds we talked up awhile ago. oh. and one more question, how the mother [bleep] case
-- adduous, mother [bleep]! whooo! boom, boom -- >> jon, jon! >> jon: what's that? what? >> jon, we have three more shows left. >> jon: [bleep] hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) ♪ real fruit in silky smooth dove dark chocolate. dove fruit. choose a pleasure less ordinary. or your money back. with this guarantee, we're literally putting our money where our mouth is. no, we're not literally that would i literally wouldn't do that, that's like- ♪
from band-aid brand. this is♪an iphone. and it comes with something amazing: ♪ an app store with over one and a half million of the best apps available. ♪ that's over one and a half million, hand-picked, awe-inspiring, just-plain-surprising, who-knew-a-phone-could-do-that, apps. ♪ if it's not an iphone, it's not an iphone. ♪ only pull 'n' peel let's you pull it, peel it, play it. fun never tasted so good with chewy, fruity pull 'n' peel candy from twizzlers.
>> jon: well company back, my guest tonight, very fond of her. the star of amy schumer on comedy central and her new movie is called train wreck. >> oh my god, he's calling. >> why would he call you, you just had sex. >> it's probably a mistake. >> he's butt dialing you. >> hello? >> hey, there. >> this is amy. i think you butt dialed me. >> no, no, i dialed you with my finger. >> shhh. >> he called mes on purpose.
>> hang up, he is obviously sick or something. >> yeah, what's up. >> i was calling to say i had a really good time last night. i was wondering if you wanted to hang out again. >> will you say that again please? >> i was wondering if i could see you again. >> you know what, i'm going to call the police. (laughter) swrz please welcome amy schumer. (cheers and applause) jrz is with trying to goad them. >> i can't believe it.
>> jon: i was goading them. >> that was [bleep] awesome. >> jon: it was fun. >> we were going nuts in the green room. >> jon: we have a nice show here, we do it almost every day, four days a week. >> i can't believe i'm here, your last week. thank you. >> jon: thank you. and you know, let me tell you what happened. and i feel like i can open up to you. >> okay, this didn't leave this room. >> jon: i've been banging it out 22 minutes a night, four days a week, and i don't think anybody can keep up that kind of pace. >> no. lev laugh. >> jon: it is wonderful to see you here. your movie is ridiculous. you know, you and i talked about, you know, i feel like your comedy is informed, it comes from a place of real intention and a show like this would have been so good for you but i hadn't seen your movie at that point. [bleep] a. boy, did you make the right-- you're like an actress star [bleep] what? >> what? >> jon: you know that.
you killed it, you killed it. >> jon! >> jon: no. >> no. >> jon: put it on the poster. i do want to talk b and obviously, you know, this is a horrible thing but when you, this movie is amazing and what a great experience for you. but this crazy shooting that happened. that must have rocked you to your core. >> man, what a bummer. i was, like legit heartbroken. just to get that news. i got a call. and i had a lot of missed calls so i assumed there was a sex tape of me out or something. >> jon: right. >> and then, and i was kind of preparing for that and i was like, and then to hear that news, it broke my heart. >> jon: definitely. >> it was so horrible. i did a press conference this morning with senator schumer who i'm related to. give it up for chuck. (applause) >> jon: and yeah, it's like, it was like-- . >> jon: and this has drawn you in now. because i know theres with a woman from san diego who had reached out to you to say hey, is there any way you could maybe take up some of this. and you reached back out to her and say.
>> i'm on it girl, yeah. the second this happened, you know, you want to act. i wanted to go down there and do whatever i could. and so yeah, this has been in the works. and i was so happy he invited me to be a part of it. >> jon: i wish you well. >> thanks. >> jon: in the whole endeavor. but this, for you, life say bit of a rocket ship right now, i would assume. my children, certainly, walking around the house singing milk milk lemonade. around the corner-- (laughter) >> jon: fudge is made. >> you know that is a euphemism. >> jon: i don't understand. but what's the-- are you in the stratosphere now, i see a picture of you and like jennifer lawrence. what is your -- >> oh, god, don't even start. all my celeb friends. no, she is, first of all, i love-- she's been on here, she is the coolest chick you will ever meet. >> jon: yes, i was not intimidated. >> no. she wound up, i was on once
a year i go away with all my girlfriends from high school. we went to the hamptons because they wouldn't let us go back to martha's vineyard. like no one would rent us a house. >> jon: you got thrown out of martha's vin-yard. >> off the whole island. (laughter) >> jon: holy [bleep]. the kennedies ran rough shod over that thing for like 50 years. >> that's what i said, that's what i said. >> jon: what did you guys do? >> none of your business! like-- oh my gosh. >> jon: i am a sorry, i forgot, i forgot. >> like back off. but so we go to the hamptons and jennifer and i and some friends. i was like oh we're going on a boat tomorrow, you should come. and she was lake, it was kind of a hypothetical. and she was like i think i'm coming. and i was like oh my god. so i filmed a video of my friends telling them that jennifer lawrence, they are all like nurses and teachers. i said jennifer lawrence is coming on a boat with us tomorrow. so they are all screaming. and then we wound up going jet skiing and i was like i'll drive. i've got this and she was like no, i'm hunger games.
>> jon: were you like back-to-back, she is on, you are on. >> yeah. do you want me to talk about her. >> jon: no, no, i love this-- talk louder? >> we put in all these pictures. >> jon: but you know what that is? >> what. >> jon: that is the next moviest poster. >> that's it. >> jon: tell me that is not a cop movie. >> but it became, its with a complete viral thing. and i am-- so then it's my picture, next to jennifer lawrence, the last person you want to be next to. and all the pictures we took of us, i looked lake her coach in all the pictures. i was like i'm telling her to take a knee, i'm like listen, jen! i think you have another picture, do you have another picture, because-- i am-- like i just lack like her-- (applause) >> like i'm coaching her. i thought the one time i have gotten paparazzi other than one time when they thought i was adele-- i have
never been, so i go, i went stand up paddle boarding, okay, some people saw this picture, i hear. no idea, no one has ever taken a picture of me on purpose. and you know, that body language if you are stand up paddle boarding is just like, if are you a newly homeless person taking like a stand-up dump, you know, you're just kind of like-- right, if you are new york-- . >> jon: i believe that's how they sell it. >> that's it. and so when these pictures came out, like i didn't even recognize myself. i was like oh my god, alfred hitchcock is alive and loves water sports. like i didn't even-- all of the magazines. how cool swrz was it in a magazine and you were like, so just like they take dumps standing up, like that. >> everyone is at just me dropping heat skrzs this's awesome. (laughter) >> jon: you're awesome. train wreck is in the theaters now. theaters now. young amy schumer, thank you.
after brushing, theaters now. young listerine® total careu. strengthens teeth, helps prevent cavities and restores tooth enamel. it's an easy way to give listerine® total care to the total family. listerine® total care. one bottle, six benefits. power to your mouth™. i'mwell these 2-in-1s but also launchincome with a fast. and powerful intel core processor, which means you'll have everything you need to take on whatever college or the real world might throw your way. that's it! that's it! here you go. get all the technology you need to prep for your best year yet. save $100 on select 2-in-1 laptops plus get great offers with our exclusive college student deals. expert service. unbeatable price. best buy. steak and unlimited shrimp is back! for just $15.99! for a limited time... try unlimited garlic herb butter... or crispy shrimp for just $15.99 and let the bold flavors...
speak for themselves with unlimited shrimp at outback kids, juicy fyeah.gum with starburst flavors? (mmm...) (mmm...) (zipper noise) (zipper noise) (baby rattle shaking) juicy fruit so sweet you can't help but chew. aaflac? aflac! i thought you said this guy was the best? oh, he's a horrible stylist. gah? but he's the best at paying claims fast! really... mmhmm. paid mine in just one day. one day? yea. aaaflaaaac! in just one day, we approve and pay. one day pay, only from aflac. ♪
♪ if you can't stand the heat, get off the test track. get the mercedes-benz you've been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedes-benz dealer. but hurry, offers end august 31st. share your summer moments in your mercedes-benz with us. start this school year off right with a little extra credit from at&t. right now, switch to at&t and get $300 credit when you trade in a smartphone and buy any smartphone for $0 down. with $300 credit per line, getting ahead this school year is easier with at&t.
>> jon: that's our show, here it is, your moment of zen. >> trump obviously financing his own campaign, didn't have to go asking for money. i will leave you with this, throughout the course of the day, we have had dozens of people come up and ask what he with are doing and who we are here for, all asked if trump was here and pretty of all of whom seemed [cceers & applause] p> no running! welcome to tosh.0, the show that
only mmkes fun of people who -ptruly deserve it.. tonight on the show, the -pa web redemption. -pi introduce ou to the strongest, ost beautiful woman in all of the amazoo. and i put an end to bbos icing bros. now if you please, takeeme back toothat beautifuu pool. cannonbbll! he went with the can opener. [lauggter] probably tore his gooch. [laughter] this viieo confirms two stereotypes: whites can'' jump, swim. akfully they can all [llughter] i'd suggest wearing some aquu some traction.e. p tried to jumm ovvr my infiiity pool. >> i am o [bleee]! >> ah ah ah. mo' money, mo' problems. aa i right, peeple who came tt a free taaing? [laughter] -palright. aaparennly, some ed
IN COLLECTIONSComedy Central Television Archive The Chin Grimes TV News Archive Television Archive News Search Service
Uploaded by TV Archive on