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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  August 11, 2016 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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have a nice trip. see you next fall! >> welcome back to the coverage of the 2016 summer games. i'm jordan "salt n' pepa" kleppa joined by "all good in the hood" wood, jr.! (cheers and applause) >> never do that again. >> just kicking that flaifa in ya ear, baby! (laughter) >> we've watched the american gymnastics team turn their dream into gold and the brazilians turn their pools into lime green. >> both equally inspirational. >> j. man, real officials explain the water is perfectly safe, just green because of a
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ph imbalance. what i have been hearing about rio i'm impressed there are no turds in the water. >> we actually have a sample of the pool water right here. (audience reacts) nothing wrong with that, just as green as lumpy as my pool water back home. >> you have a pool? >> yeah, you didn't get a pool with your "the daily show" house? >> they gave you a house! i didn't get a house. >> you don't have a house? >> no. >> then where have i been (bleep) your wife? (audience reacts) >> from comedy central world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ♪ (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much!
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i'm trevor noah. my tee guest tonight, star and writer of the movie "don't think twice" mike birbiglia! (cheers and applause) americans are bringing so much gold in the olympics they're going to have to get the columbian weight lifting team to carry it to the airport (laughter) the u.s. isn't just number one in the medal count. it's also number one on turkey's (bleep) list. while the rest of the world has been off playing games, turkey is making nice with russia partly because president erdogan of turkey believes america had something to do with the coup in his country. so he decided to meet with vladimir putin. the meeting didn't get off to a best start. >> there was a moment where the russian president was kept
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waiting for the turkish president. wait ago little longer, a little longer, about a minute and a half i'm told until, finally, the turkish president does, in fact, turn up. (laughter) >> trevor: wait, wait, you know what makes that hilarious is the fact that presidents plan these things. you're supposed to come out exactly the same time so you don't look like one is more inferior than the other. vladimir putin was so mad until he saw how big erdogan was! (laughter) i didn't know he was a giant! putin was, like, how dare he make me wait! i'm going to smash his face into -- hey, big guy! (applause) look at the size of them! as funny as this meeting is, this relationship is a serious danger to america. turkey is moving toward russia.
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at the same time, iran is opening up to europe. it's like while america is living it up in rio the rest of the world is boxing them out to have the middle east. this is a big deal. if turkey doesn't allow america to use their military bases, then it becomes a whole lot harder for the u.s. to fight in the middle east which would be a huge blow to the fight against i.s.i.s. and that would be a tragedy because we just found out who the founder of i.s.i.s. is! >> i.s.i.s. is honoring president obama. he is the founder of i.s.i.s. he's the founder of i.s.i.s. okay? he's the founder. >> trevor: i wonder if there are people in i.s.i.s. right now looking at the founder going, you said you you were the found! you said you were the founder! (applause) and this is the best part, like, trump went on a radio show, a
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conservative host tried to help him out. because you can't say the president is the founder of i.s.i.s. and he tried to help him, and trump, you -- you can't help him. (laughter) >> last night you said the president was the founder of i.s.i.s. i know what you meant. you meant he created the vacuum and lost the peace. >> no, i meant he's the founder of i.s.i.s. i do. (laughter) >> trevor: it's like a lawyer with the dumbest client ever! so when you told him this was the end, you meant the end of the relationship... no, i meant i was going to kill him! and so i killed him! >> by using the term "founder" they're hitting with you on this again. mistake? >> no, no mistake. everyone's liking it. they're liking it. >> i used different language to communicate it. >> they don't talk about your language, they do talk about my language, right? >> good point. good point. >> trevor: no, that's actually a scary point.
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because it's fun for all of us to think that donald trump is an idiot, but what he said there exposes that he knows exactly what he's doing. he knows what he's saying when he says obama founded i.s.i.s., and he doesn't care if it's wrong, he just cares if people talk about it. trump, you have one star on yelp -- yes, but look how many reviews! (laughter) this is actually scary! wow. i need a moment. let's check in on the 2016 summer games. >> and we're back! how about these games! >> the sports have been terrific jordan, but we cannot deny the x factor, and that has been the brazilian crowds. >> the brazilian crowds have so much energy and volume, even in events where silence is customary, it's thrown some of the athletes in table tennis -- >> that's unbelievable. >> i know. people excited by table tennis. i can't believe it, either. >> i just feel like this, if i'm
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clapping for your boring-ass sport, you need to appreciate it. nobody's going to be clapping for you when you get back to your day job at the coffee shop. hell, that's what you get at the international sporting events, lots of noise. you remember in south africa the vuvuzelas going off? >> listening to the south africans droning on and on, little did i know i would soon make a career out of that. trevor? >> trevor: thanks, jordan. let's move on. actually, let's not move on, no. i'm not going to move on. actually, no. no, you know why. you know why. actually, this vuvuzela thing has been stuck up my ass for a while. that came out wrong. no, i'll explain. everyone blames south africa, all the vuvuzelas! do you think all our soccer games sounded like that before the world cup? like we turned on the tv and it
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was bwaaaah, bwaaaah, bwaaaah -- and we were like, this is a good game, i love that sound! do you think we enjoy the sound of a trillion bees farting? no. we never had that. we were responsible vuvuzela blowers before the rest of the world came. every game you go to in south africa, five guys are blowing vuvuzelas. then the world cup comes and everyone shows up and says, let's blow these forever! and once again, white people are appropriating black music! (applause) that's what happened there and every single time. every single time foreigners come to africa, they (bleep) us up. you take simba out of the jungle and put him in a hollywood movie, now he's married to a
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dislrchlts. >> trevor: we ca(cheers and appo "the daily show." in the american news cycle after the convections have taken place, usually there's a lull in election news. this year, over, things are different, obviously because of donald trump. it's like there is a tiger on the loose but more orange. (laughter) for instance, yesterday, really the bigger news was the fact that turkey and russia were forming an alliance, but instead most people were focused on a guy climbing a building because the building was named after trump, right? that was a strange thing to see in new york city was a skyscraper where a man was climbing up the outside and the april was on the inside. (applause) so clearly what we've learned is, if you want the news to focus on something, you have to make sure that it has something to do with donald trump.
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you know, next time erdogan and putin have a meeting, have them meet at trump tower. glaciers are melting, global warming, have them do it at trump tower. black people getting shot by police, trump tower, that way we know the cameras will catch everything. (applause) because, you see, that's another story that's been blown away so quickly by the trump n.a.t.o., you know, that story out of chicago. let's take a look at the story. this is what happened for those who don't know and should know. an unarmed black man in chicago paul o'neal stole a car and the police chased him and in the ensuing chase he crashed the stolen car into the police. he jumped out, ran away, now he's dead. the whole thing was captured on police body cameras, but then it turns out not the whole thing. >> the moments before the shooting and after caught on video. but not the shooting itself. a police source says the officer who fired that fatal shot turned
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on his camera after he fired. police say what happened to that camera is being investigated. >> trevor: the camera has the whole thing except the actual shooting. a little suspicious, right? makes you ask the question, why are the police only sloppy with evidence against them? if i run a red light, they have three camera angles and another with j.j. abrams commentary track. (applause) why does this happen with body cam videos? every time a new story comes out, i feel like it sheds a new light on a different aspect of police violence. for instance, this story for me showed us that some of the people who may be in danger of being shot by the police are the police themselves. >> while the department acted quickly in releasing the video, several officers appeared to fire in the direction of each other and a police suv while shooting at o'neil.
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>> trevor: goddam! what is this? what is this? what is this? that doesn't look like a professional police video. it looks like your dad trying to play call of duty. what is this? (laughter) some people are suggesting some of the officers thought shots were being fired at them -- they thought the shots were coming from paul o'neal when in fact paul o'neal was unarmed and the only people shooting were actually police. this was a problem when we discovered when watching the video. if you're a police officer and you hear shots going on all around you, how are you supposed to know who's shooting? impossible. you shoot back. why were you shooting? they're shooting. yeah but you're shooting. but i heard shots and that's why i was shooting. it's impossible. in addition to maybe finding better body cameras, maybe we should give police guns that make a special sound that only police guns make, sort of like their cars. if you're driving in a car and
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you hear somebody blind you, you hear the honk and you say a civilian is honking and you tell them to (bleep) off because i'm driving over here! what's wrong with you?! new yorkers taught me well. but, you know, if you're driving and you hear, whir, whir! that's the police, then you pull over and throw the weed out the window. that's what you do. by the way, these are white people instructions. (laughter) so surely if we can change the sounds with sirens, it must be possible with technology for police guns to make a special sound. instead of bang bang bang, maybe they could make them sound like ducks. >> put down the gun! police! (quack quack quack) you see? you see? it's perfect! (cheers and applause) then you know -- then the other
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police know, oh, no, that's just us shooting, the other duck sounds. okay, i will admit obviously there could be a problem if there happens to be real ducks near a police shootout because if they hear quack, quack, quack, the ducks are trying to mate with the cops and then that's the problem with police violence, it's so hard to solve. if they made that work, that would solve the problem of police confusing their gunfire for bad guy gunfire. that's one suggestion i can make. let's go back to the issue of body cams that mysteriously seem to stop recording. >> we also have questions about why an officer's camera went out, his body cam stopped recording during the moments when o'neil was shot. the investigation is going to reveal whether that had something to do with an air bag deploying. >> trevor: yeah, that's the story. investigators think it's at least possible that, when o'neal crashed into the police car, the police air bag went off and hit
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the driver in exactly the right spot to turn off his body camera, while doing no other apparent damage. no damage to the camera, just turning it off. yeah, that's what they're going with. we decided to investigate this claim so we asked our very own ronny chieng to test this theory. ♪ (blast) >> oh! (blast, blast, blast, blast) >> trevor: look at that. camera is still rolling. thank you very much, ronny chieng. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) when you run your own restaurant,
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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." tonight's guest is a comedian and the writer, director and star of the new movie "don't
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think twice." >> the business model for selling five dollar tickets to a show is not exactly sound. the theater is closing. they've got to be out of there in four weeks. they're selling. another trump building, i think. >> it's over. >> new york city, you're fired. >> you're fired. >> all of america, you're fired. >> what the hell was that? >> that was trump. >> j.f.k. >> j.f.k. your impersonation was so bad, you're fired. >> trevor: please welcome mike birbiglia! (cheers and applause) ♪ >> hi, guys. thank you guys! all right! >> trevor: welcome to the show. cheers, cheers. not everyone picks up the cup. cheers, cheers. thank you very much. it's real pool water. >> it's so strange seeing that
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clip because i wrote this movie before donald trump was a candidate, yeah... >> trevor: wait, wait, before he was a candidate? >> yeah. >> trevor: before he came down the escalator. >> i wrote the this movie two and a half years ago, and i swear, we were shooting it -- well with, that was back when he was just sort of the most hated man in new york city. not the most hated man in the world. and, you know, we were running it in rehearsal and gillian jacobs who's one of the stars of the film, a few days before, she's, like, mike, in august of last year, i think this trump candidacy, i think it might not be a joke. i think it might be real. (laughter) and i said, silly actors with their wild ideas about politics, leave the heavy stuff for this guy. (laughter) and here we are. i mean, it is madness, right? >> trevor: it's such madness.
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like, i know you don't consider yourself a political comedian. >> yeah. >> trevor: and even you started tweeting about trump. >> how can you not? >> trevor: no, this is an interesting conversation because -- (applause) -- because what was funny, you tweeted about trump and people were, like, hey, mike, why don't you also tweet about hillary? >> they got so mad because i tweeted that donald trump wants to be president the same way dumb high school guys want to have sex but they're not qualified to be a dad. (applause) right? >> trevor: it's a light touch. >> and then people are, like, how come you're not going after both sides? and i said, he isn't on a side. he's the algae that's stuck to the side. (laughter) he's not! >> trevor: yes. >> we have to admit that, like, it's not this whole kind of
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ferren balance fallacy does not apply to him. >> trevor: i always say donald trump is not a side. >> he's not a side. >> trevor: that's true. let's talk about the movie. i don't want to spoil your time with trump. it's growing. you started out very small. just to give for the people out there, it's a fantastic inside comedy film because it shows the journey of a group of friends on a sketch troupe and audition for roles and one gets a job on snvl and the friendsships fall apart. >> easy, trevor -- a "saturday night live" type of show. (laughter) (applause) i don't want to get in trouble! it's called "weekend live" and -- (laughter) and it's about what happens in friendships when, as keegan, one
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of the stars in the movie says, what happens when your dreams come true for someone else. >> trevor: yeah. >> because it's about the bertness and -- bitterness and jealousy the guys feel in the troupe. it's about the business but it's also about friendship. >> trevor: that's the way i felt in the film. it was bitterness, friendship and love. did you take that from the real world for any comedians who inspired you for that? (laughter) >> we're going to go to commercial... no. (laughter) the movie is autobiographical in its themes. >> trevor: yes. >> i know what it feels like -- >> trevor: you don't want to get sued by anyone. >> yes, everything's me dancing around. no, i know what it feels like to be jealous and go, how come that person -- i mean, even in life, you go how come they have an in-ground pool and i have an above-ground pool. >> trevor: the white people,
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inground versus above ground, oh, man! (applause) thank you so much, "don't think twice," select theaters worldwide coming out august 26. michael birbiglia, everybody! we'll be right back! covering is caring. because covering heals faster. to seal out water, dirt and germs, cover with a water block clear bandage from band-aid brand. ♪ from the crib to the ridehen and the clothes ♪ ♪ so you better let him know ♪ that if he mess up you gotta hit em up ♪ introducing new lime-a-rita splash the refreshing margarita in a bottle.
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teleprompters. no, i had a speech written by a professional, and i said, i'm not reading this. captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause). >> larry: thank you very much. thank you very much. thank you, so kind. please have a seat. welcome to the nightly show. what a fun crowd tonight! we have so much going on in this


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