tv The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore Comedy Central August 17, 2016 9:11am-9:45am PDT
( cheers and applause ) >> larry: thank you very much. thank you very much. welcome to the show. thank you. please, have a seat. you're very kind. thank you. welcome to the show. i'm larry wilmore. or at least i am for three more nights. after that, who knows? who knows? now here's the thing, we were going to write-- oh, man, we had so many plans for tonight. we were going to write this big, fun, show, right. but, you know, due to the general ennui of having just been cancelled, general laziness, and the fact that sam bee sent us, like, three cases of wine. ( cheers and applause )
i have already started drinking. you may see me full frontal out on the street later. thank you, sam. sam, and everybody at "full frontal "i appreciate it. that's basic cable wine. some of the best. here's what we thought we'd do tonight. we thought we'd look back at two of our favorite segments. we started off our show thinking all the bad good racial stuff was done already. apparently, we were wrong. and we've covered race from just about every angle you can think of from out-of-control barrel roll cops-- ( laughter ) it was a pool party, he didn't have to barrel roll-- to
awkwardly racist graduations. >> look who's leaving. all the black people. >> larry: how could you not love that lady, come on? "look who's leaving, all the black people?" we even taught you about the cultural phenomenon that happens when black people watch a magic trick. >> open it. open it. >> aarrgh! >> larry: that's right, that's right. we taught you that, man. we taught that you. that was us! ( cheers and applause ) that, of course, is called black reacting. and once people understand that all black people are scared of magic, we are on our way to global racial harmony. that's all i'm trying on say to you guys, okay? but our favorite moment last
year was a piece we did during the riots in baltimore. i sat down in a diner with some rival gang members who had just called a truce. take a look. all right, i'm here with some of the brothers who are here in baltimore, here doing all the uprising, the unrest. have you guys eaten? you have looked at the menu? >> i already know what i want. >> larry: can we have a waitress in here. i want to know who brought you together. >> i knew this brother a long time. >> larry: how long have you known him? >> four years. >> larry: in gang time, that's, like, 18 years, right. so are you guys in the same organization or different organization? >> no, same organization. >> larry: same organization, okay. you're the same. you're the same. you're not in the organization. >> i'm cool with everybody. >> larry: you're cool with everybody, right. so you guy guys have called a truce-- wait, is it a truce or a treaty? it didn't have to be ratified by congress or anything like that. >> no. >> larry: because john boehner
is an ass, i'll tell you that right now. >> we didn't have a truce or treaty. we had men respecting men, just like that. >> we was talking down fulton avenues, and one of the blood homeys stepped on my shoe. and i said, "three days ago i would have hit you in your mouth for that, "and he smiled. >> larry: and three days from now, things might be back to normal and you'll hit him in the mouth again. >> we're not going back. >> larry: that's good. the truth is good. it's forever right. >> as far as us. we can't speak for the the whole country. what we're doing, this is what we're doing. we start with us. >> larry: why wheredo you guys think the anger in the community comes from? >> analogy i have been using the last couple of days. see this corner on the menu. this isa person. this is you. there's only so far back you can push me before i push back. that's what happened, they pushed back. >> larry: that's what a lot of america can't relate to.
>> you live nay million-dollar house. how do you relate living in the 'hood being pushed. hey hike when you say, i have to pay my property tax. i can't relate to that. i never paid property tax before. >> larry: i'll tell you about the anger of the property tax. say this is my million-dollar house, and my property tax pushing me into this corner. that's when i get angry. that's when i burst. a lot of people can't relate to that. >> you call a lawyer. >> larry: exactly. and then my lawyer gets angry. and then on the a vicious cycle. have you guys ever stopped somebody from doing something, like, physically stopped somebody from throwing something? did you. >> bloop. up on north avenue... >> larry: so there weren't people from around there doing that. >> it was little kid. >> it was also people -- >> how old were they? >> high school. >> high school, like, middle school. ing they started in high school. >> you saw jon stewart out there. >> larry: you saw jon stewart
out there? >> i'm standing in front of the school, me and a couple of homeys. >> larry: a couple of homeys. >> jon stewart is right behind us. >> larry: jon stewart is not here. trust me. trust me on that. he's nowhere to be found found in this scenario. >> the police pull up. >> larry: they were in a tang, like one of those big humvees, right? >> they came out with their assault rifles and i was like, "man, this is 'call of duti'." so they jumped out. they pointed their guns and all that and out of nowhere i got hit with a concussion grenade. >> larry: wait, this happened last week, this past week? you got hit with a concussion grenade. >> two days ago. >> hit right in the ribs. we ran through want alley, to the projects aring made sure everyone else was okay and went right back to our post and linked arms. >> larry: wow, wow. >> they set one police car on fire, and we stopped them from
setting the other car on fire. >> larry: now, would you guys ever meet with the police? >> we've glawkd oh, you've talked. >> every day. we walk right past them ask, "are you good? do you need water?" >> larry: what was your reaction? >> they brought us food. >> larry: they brought you food? that's nice. very nice. >> i couldn't eat the sandwiches because it had pork, so i had, like, five bags of chips. >> larry: i coulded do a pig joke here but i'm not. that's all i'm saying. what's the most surprising thing to come out of this? >> all the positive people coming together for one common cause. it was beautiful. >> larry: do you guys have hope? >> of course,. >> of course,. >> what else do we have. >> larry: do you have hope? >> that's the only thing you have to have if you want to progress. >> larry: i think we have pie coming right now. sean doesn't like pork, so make sure sean doesn't get the pork. you guys have really been great. i really appreciate you having this conversation with me.
is there any other thing you would like to say, either to america, to people watching this program? >> i want everybody to keep their hope and stay peaceful. i mean, when-- when they hear the police verdict friday, don't give up, because that's not the last investigation. >> larry: right. >> it's a lot more investigations after that. >> right. >> so keep the hope. >> are we splitting this six ways? i just want to know how we're going. ( applause ) ( cheers ). >> larry: we'll be right back. can a toothpaste do everything well?
this clean was like - pow. it felt like i had just gone to the dentist. it just kind of like, wiped everything clean. my teeth are glowing. they are so white. crest [hd]. 6x cleaning, 6x whitening. and at two weeks superior sensitivity relief to the leading sensitivity toothpaste. i actually really like the two steps! crest [hd]. step 1 cleans, step 2 whitens. it's the whole package. no one's done this. crest - healthy, beautiful smiles for life. marcopolo! marco...! polo! marco...! polo! marco...! polo! marco...! sì? polo! marco...! polo! scusa? ma io sono marco polo, ma... marco...! playing "marco polo" with marco polo? surprising. ragazzini, io sono marco polo. sì, sono qui... what's not surprising? how much money amanda and keith saved by switching to geico. ahhh... polo.
( cheers and applause ). >> larry: welcome back. thank you very much. another one of our favorite segments dealt with the issue of low-income people and their access to healthy food in this country. so we sent out our resident food snob jordan carlos to experience for himself the phenomenon known as a food desert. >> when did you guys get this
in? i'm jordan carlos, "nightly show "contributor and arbiter of good said. i live in brooklyn where the finest things in life are only a step away. food to me isn't just nourishment. it's a way of life. so when i heard about so-called food desert, i knew i had to find out more about it. >> a food desert is a neighborhood where people have very little access to a supermarket or a large grocery store. >> you're saying a large number of people in america don't live near a grocery store in. >> 80% of those food deserts are in city areas where people live further than one mile from a grocery store that sells fresh fruits and vegetables. >> it's the age-old question-- if the exwroasry store won't come to you, why don't you just hop into your prius and go to-- i'm sorry, is there something
funny? >> food deserts are not in neighborhood where's people have priuses or mercedes. >> okay, volveose. foresters. >> these are neighborhoods which are primarily low-income people. >> these people, you know, the desert people that you were saying-- >> this is not a real desert. this is really a metaphor, okay! you need to go to camden, new jersey. i challenge you you to find an heirloom tomato. >> challenge accepted. >> okay, deal. >> where's my prius. i accepted esther's challenge and set off to camden to find that heirloom tomato. where is your organic section? do you guys have any farm to table? free-range eggs, anything like that some where would that area be? i guess i'll keep poking around. >> people thought that poor people didn't want to eat healthy foods and it turns on ot that's actually not true.
it's just not there. >> maybe there is a little desert-esque. has it been a mile yet? damn it! i forgot my fitied bit. sugary cereals. where's the food i was noticing there's a lot of sugary snacks here. i was looking for the organic food. >> no organic, just regular. >> why don't you have organic food? >> a convenience store is closer. that doesn't mean you have everything. >> why is cake mix more convenient than fresh produce? >> i challenge you to find an hairdz loom tomato in camden, new jersey. >> they're all processed! >> this cheese is neither locally sourced nor is the ( bleep ) cher neseason. it's made with robot parts. i don't even know what this is.
>> know what these kinds of diets produce for people? you have high rates of diabetes and high rates of obesity because you have to fill yourself up with cheap stuff, and all of that is empty caloriecalories and fattening. so where are the tomatoes now? ( laughing ) noooo! >> in the united states, we have 13.6 million people living in food deserts. >> i'm fine! >> esther challenged me tow walk a mile in someone else's shoes,
but i had to walk five times that just to get fresh produce. i put you inside me. oh, god, yes! but enough talk. time to lie in glory with my heirloom goddess. ( applause ) got it. i'm just going to get the one. >> larry: thank you, jordan. >> larry: thank you, jordan. to learn more about food deserts and how you can help, check ♪
tens of thousands of miles, taken years of hard work, and more energy than i knew i had. but that's ok. i'm looking far down the road... where many more hours, and miles and long days lay ahead. 'cause where i am today is just a start... compared to where i'm going. ♪ ♪ i'm comin' over payday presents: salty covered sweetness how can i help you? finally! i've been waiting forever. i've been waiting forever. to meet you! you sweet baby angel! you sound like heaven on earth, on a phone. you sound like love feels. salty on the outside. sweet on the inside. payday. bites!
y. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: welcome back. i'm here with my panel. first up, "nightly show" contributor franchesca ramsey. ( cheers and applause ) and "nightly show" contributor holly walker. ( cheers and applause ) and actress, comedian, and producer for buzzfeed, quinta brunson. ( cheers and applause ) and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter @nightlyshow, using the hashtag #tonightly. tonight i want to try and talk about two stories dealing with
race. first, earlier in the show, riots broke out this past weekend in milwaukee, following the police shooting death of a 23-year-old black man, sylville smith. he was shot by a black police officer. the cops said the guy was armed and wouldn't put down his loaded gun. why do you think this particular incident incited a riot? >> unfortunately, wave had so many of thieves incidences that i think people are apprehensive. it's like if your boyfriend cheats on you a bunch of times, and one time when he didn't cheat on you, you're like, i don't know? did you really work late? i don't know. and so, like, maybe, maybe it was a justified shooting. but i don't know. you all lie a lot. >> yeah, pretty much. ( applause ) >> larry: it's all about trust is what you're saying. >> yes! >> and it's milwaukee. like, have you ever been to milwaukee?
( laughter ) milwaukee is horrible is what you're saying? >> it's rough, it's rough. >> i think the problem now is that justice is, like, the the last resort. and that should not be the case. that should be expected. justice should be expected. but no one expects it now. it's not expected. so now we need to see the camera. we need to talk to the the cousin. we need to talk to a witness. was there a cat on the scene? can someone tell us that so we can get some real information. >> i don't trust cats. >> and i do believe it will make a difference to sane people, put people who want to riot just because they want to riot, it's not going to make a difference to them because they were just going to take that couch anyway. and they're not going to make a statement afterwards and go like, "my bad, my bad." >> larry: i know, there are honorable protesters, and then there are looting opportunists. right. >> that's exactly right. >> larry: "i hope there's a
riot tonight!" >> i'm ready for this. >> larry: i'm always sad when you see things burned down. like the guy at the gas station. what does he do? that's his gas station. >> exactly, and why are looters burning down things we need. >> larry: fuel! >> fuel and the cvss. why aren't they go for the yoga studios? you know what i mean? ( bleep ). >> larry: "i got your downward dog!" >> exactly. >> larry: why are you doing that? let me get one more story. i know we're almost out of time. this other story, two students at a clairemont college in california, requested to live with p.o.c. only, in order to have a safe space. for those who don't know, that's people of color. some people think it's racist, and some think you shouldn't have to live with white people if you don't want to.
( cheers and applause ) i can't believe that reaction! that's hilarious. >> there' >> white people are like, right, make that choice. this is straight-up bigotry. that's not a safe space. you know, the best way to get comfortable with someone is to have them-- get to know them. >> the people i want to live with are also p.o.c., people of credit. >> larry: people of credit. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: all right, all right. >> and that's legal. >> i understand that some people feel the need if they had negative experiences in the past, especially for marginalized people who have lived if a world that has always kept them out of certain spaces -- >> we're talking about college students. no, no, we're-- but this is so ( bleep ) up.
it's-- it is. >> i know you've been drinking the wine. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: number one, it's the last week. you know i don't give a ( bleep ). >> yes, yes. >> larry: i'm sorry, keep it 100. white people are the only people excluded in this. that's straight-up, ( bleep ) up. yes, it is. it is bigotry. that's exactly what it is. >> i think it's prejudice borne out of fear. and she posted it on facebook, i believe opinion. >> that's where she screwed up. putting it out there. that's one of those things you say to yourself-- but putting it on facebook -- >> no! >> larry: no, that's what happened to us whole time. we ain't having no-- >> i think there's a difference. >> larry: no. >> i'm just saying, if i want to make a space for myself, i don't think it was smart for her to
put it on her facebook page. >> larry: no! >> but i think in the same way a woman says she only wants a female roommate -- >> gender is different. gender is different. don't do that. don't do that. gender is different. >> can i point something out. how am i supposed to-- i don't know what's a fun-- lebanese. >> larry: what's a fun ethnicity? >> sometimes i see a lebanese person and i'm like who are you? what are you? i don't know. so how am i supposed to make a blanket statement? what if a person comes to my door-- that's why i think race is a little more fluid. i think it's just kind of weird to just-- it's not weird. it makes sense but why is it posted on facebook. >> larry: anybody who says
this clearly inside their head is not a safe space. that's all i can say. okay. we'll be right back. i had that dream again -- that i was on the icelandic game show. and everyone knows me for discounts, like safe driver and paperless billing. but nobody knows the box behind the discounts. oh, it's like my father always told me -- "put that down. that's expensive." of course i save people an average of nearly $600, but who's gonna save me? [ voice breaking ] and that's when i realized... i'm allergic to wasabi. well, i feel better. it's been five minutes. talk about progress. [ chuckles ] okay.
i like how you shop for loans the same way you shop for flights online. i didn't realize that at lendingtree you can save money on almost any sort of loan. i consolidated my credit card debt with a personal loan. i found a new credit card with 0% interest for 15 months. you just shop, compare, and save, and it's all free. go to lendingtree right now and start saving. at our house, we're always down for more... case in point: our handcrafted skydiving chamber. be hungry for more. just never be hungry. with premium pepperoni and 100% real cheese... ♪ ding! hot pockets! ♪ ♪
>> the 2016 "the daily show" summer games. >> welcome back to our coverage of the 2016 summer games. i'm roy wood, jr. >> and filling in for jordan klepper, i'm ronny chieng. >> it's good to have you here, ronny, especially with china doing so well in the games! >> okay, but i'm malaysian. (laughter) >> i don't know what that is. (laughter) on to the news. the only thing louder than the crowds of rio have been the criticism of athletes on social media. everybody telling gabby douglas that she needs to smile more. you should smile more! y'all should shut up more! would you say that to michael phelps? no! look at him (laughter) look at him sitting there looking like an axe murderer. you ain't gonna find them bodies, they gone! he chopped them up! (laughter) lighter story. chinese olympian he zi was given
a silver medal for diving and then her boyfriend proposed on the podium. he's a romantic guy, right? >> he's a selfish asshole. first, he waits to see if she won something before proposing then steals her moment. you couldn't wait till you got home? she spent her whole life training for this and driving into green sewage all week and you think you're the prize? there is only one silver medal, okay, buddy? chinese guys? there is a billion of us to choose from. >> wait a minute, you just said you were malaysian. >> my ethnicity is chinese, my nationality is malaysian. >> you gotta pick one, man. (laughter) >> oh, okay, african-american. (audience reacts) you should smile more. >> let's go to trevor noah with "the dailyho