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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  August 19, 2016 2:06am-2:36am PDT

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♪ i'm gonna try gonna try again to pay attention to you ♪ i'll put my focus ♪ i'll put my focus on you ♪ i'll put my focus ♪ i'll put my focus on you ♪ conversation ♪ you've been lookin' for a job but i didn't even know you quit ♪ hesitation ♪ you took a second then you got real mad said i'm full of it ♪ i didn't notice ♪ last week when you cut your hair you got an attitude
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(cheers and applause). >> larry: thank you very much. thank you very much. thank you! thank you very much. thank you. thank you so much. thank you very much. >> larry, larry, larry! >> larry: thank you, i appreciate it. please have a seat. >> larry, larry. >> larry: thank you, welcome to the nightly show. you're very kind, you're very t. >> i wu v you. >> larry: and i wu v yoú as well. i'm larry wilmore, your host for the next, well, 29 minutes and 341-- 31 seconds. now let me vus say it's never
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easy when your television show gets canceled. but have i to say for me, there has been a silver lining, you guys. all the free booze. really. no, really. oh my gosh! oh my gosh, samantha bee's show sent over some cases of wine, right. and then stephen colbert sent over an amazing assortment of liquor, right. okay, all right, so earlier today i could barely contain my excitement when i received a word that a package had arrived if our friends at the daily show and then i opened it up. (laughter) seriously? pastries, guys? how am i going to get wasted eating a stupid almond croissant. i pass out eating these but-- now let me just say john oliver sent over this. (cheers and applause) that's how you do it, daily show. i get it, last week has a whole
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week to figure out what they're going to send. so it's really not fair to compare, i get it. i get it i understand. okay, now, we have taken on a lot of controversial topics over the last 20 months. so i thought we would end on something that every man, woman and child can agree upon. ellen degeneres is a pure delight. (cheers and applause). >> larry: okay. i think we can all agree on that. although not everyone seems to think so right now. >> entertainment weekly reports on ellen degeneres defending herself against accusations of racism. it stemmed from an edited photo she tweeted showing her and usain bolt. she wrote, this is how i'm running errands from now on. some on social media accused degeneres of comparing bolt to a mule. >> larry: for more on the ellen controversy let's check in with nightly show contributor robin thede. hey, robin. (cheers and applause)
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what's going on, robyn in? >> wait, wait, larry, larry, i'm in antigua, are we supposed to be working? >> larry:u m, yeah, robin. it's. >> oh, oops. yeah, there is no way i'm going to make it back in time for panel, so hey, man, just call me when you get another show, okay. bye. >> larry: bye? wait, rob-- what was that? all right, okay, fine. well, please welcome nightly show contributor franchesca ram see, franchesca, yeah. (applause) all right what have you got for us, franchesca. >> sorry larry, i'm in the middle of doing a skype interview. >> larry: franchesca, we are in the middle of a show. i need your take on the ellen-usain bolt. >> i can't believe this. all right. it's racist, yeah, racist, can i go? (laughter). >> larry: yeah, i guess.
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thanks for your help. good lord, you know, let's check in with grace parra and jordan carlos, there you go. hey guys. (applause) all right. so what is your take, what is your take on-- what the hell are you guys doing? >> well, we just heard we were supposed to have a take on this like three minutes ago. >> so we were going to re-create the ellen usain photo but this is all they had left in photo. >> go ahead, [bleep] fire us. >> do it, wilmore,. >> larry: very nice, very nice, you know i can't fire you. all right, fine, you know what, holly walker, can you help a brother out here, please. holly walker. what shall-- hu h? holly, where are you? are you in bed? >> i'm sorry, larry, are we still working? >> larry: yes! holly, we still have a show to
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do. we're not done, this is our last show-- holly? is there someone with you in there? >> no, nobody here, nobody here. >> larry: oh [bleep] rorie. >> come on, larry. come on, man. this whole thing has been will they, won they, man. and guess what, they will. they will! oh, they will! >> bye. >> larry: i cannot believe this. all right, okay. fine. fine. nobody wants to work today, fine. it's the last day. i guess it's up to me then, anyway. okay, so did you see what trump's spokesman said on cnn yesterday? oh my god, this was unbelievable. i thought i had seen it all in their, like, nonanswering of questions, right. (cheers and applause) what are you doing? what are you doing?
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(cheers and applause) jon stewart, how are you doing, man. jon stewart, everybody. >> hey, buddy. what did i miss? >> larry: you-- you missed a lot. >> what did i miss? what's going on? what are we doing on this show? >> larry: it's, you know, it's the last show. >> the last show. oh my god what did you piss off peter thiele, what happened. is that-- did he-- is revenge no know bounds? >> larry: no, it knows no bounds. >> it knows no bounds. i just decided to stop by and tell you i love you. >> larry: oh. >> a-w. >> an may i say something else. if i may. >> larry: sure. >> do you have i moment. >> larry: you may, take the moment. >> thank you. >> larry: jon stewart, everyone. (cheers and applause) >> no, quickly. >> larry: yes.
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>> i have been in situations in what we call show business, television, where they have, my name has been on the show. and they, what do you call, lock the door and told me to, this was a paramount executive get your [bleep] out. >> larry: right. >> an a very wise man said to me. >> larry: uh-huh. >> do not confuse cancelation with failure. and i took that-- (cheers and applause) >> to heart. so i will say this. what you, my friend, were tasked to do, you have done and done beautifulfully. (cheers and applause) >> you gave voice, you gave voice to underserved voices in the media arena and you did it-- it was a show that was raw and poignant and funny and smart
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and all those things. and you did it, and what you and rorie and robin and your tremendous collaborators, and dre in the booth, you took something and got better every [bleep] day (cheers and applause). >> larry: thank you. >> and i think that-- we talked about a little thing called, i guess the word someone uses resonance, did you resonate with an audience. i would say-- not only that, but in an important way, but in a way that you don't even realize yet and won't reveal itself for years to come and it's this. you started a conversation that was not on television when you began. and you worked with a group of people who you invited to that conversation to collaborate with you, to sharpen that conversation, and what you don't realize is, you walked out of this room and that conversation doesn't end. and all the people that you work
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with are going to take what they learned here, and what they learned from you, and the beautiful experience that they had, and you're going to start to see them doing things in the business as well. and taking that and taking other experiences. and you're going to watch that flourish. and that's going to have you on it. >> larry: well, thank you so much. (applause) >> and that's a beautiful thing. and so in closing. >> larry: yes. >> i want to say to you this. you did it, [bleep] >> larry: no, jon. >> you did it-- . >> larry: no, you can't. >> you can't say. >> my mishbu cha. >> larry: that works, that works. >> i love you. >> larry: jon stewart, i love you. thank you so much. thank you. (cheers and applause). >> larry: oh, man.
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[ crowd cheering ] beer! ice cold beer! hey, can we get some beers? what beer? ummmm... redd's apple ale! i'll take one too. me too! hey! redd's apple ale! redd's apple ale. crisp like an apple. brewed like a beer.
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[ clock titime. ] you only have so much. that's why we want to make sure you won't have to wait on hold. and you won't have to guess when we'll turn up. because after all we should fit into your life. not the other way around. (cheers and applause). >> larry: hey, welcome back. now one of the things that made our show so special was our diverse cast of contributors.
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over our year and a half run here we have definitely had some fun with them. take a look. >> nightly show contributors. >> leave your homes, immediately! now! okay, do not take your valuables! >> leave those. >> darnell lewis, you put that tv down right now. >> meet tv's hottest new fictional character, o.j. simpson. >> nightly! >> obama, obama, obama, obama. >> i'm getting a black friday boner just thinking about it. >> he is-- is actually a normal guy. >> larry: what. >> super chill. >> if lemonade was about you, piers morgan, it would have been called metamu cil. >> stop sending us dildos. >> yes. >> no [bleep] >> larry: okay. >> usa. >> what happened in benghazi was a tragedy and hillary clinton still has not answered for it.
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>> oh my god. >> ♪ it's time to vote. ♪ as long as you vote for-- . ♪. >> there say real special place in hell for a woman without doesn't support women who make their own damn choices. >> what's up, larry? >> hi. i'm july ann moore. >> it's justa me, larry, mario. >> you can't shove that mess down my throat, that is what she said. >> have i to go because my friend is having a my little pony birthday party and they have a slip and slide, so you know, priorities. >> what did you say to me, larry? >> i can't-- i. >> larry: larry will be against the no fly list and mike will be in flavor of stripping muslims of their rights and dignities. >> jesus clies, no. >> larry: and begin.
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(cheers and applause). >> larry: all right, please welcome the nightly show contributors grace parra. (cheers and applause) and franchesca ram see. (cheers and applause) jordan carlos. (cheers and applause) robin thede. (cheers and applause) sorry, now robin thede. come on out, robin. and rory albanese. (cheers and applause) >> we did it! we did it! whooo! vined kaition, baby. we got it! >> no, rory, no. >> no. >> no, we did not get-- . >> larry: no, it's not. >> what are we celebrating. >> larry: no, we're not. >> it's over. >> whooo. we're cancelled! >> larry: mike yard, o sadly could not be with us here
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tonight. they have been detained for brazilian authorities from some [bleep] story they told about getting car jacked or something. but they have previous engagements. i just want to say how great it was working with all of you guys. i have never worked with a funnier, sicker, darker group of human beings. >> thank you. >> larry: an i mean that in every way possible. (cheers and applause). >> larry: every way imaginable. so cheers to all of you guys. i want to say thanks. and when we come back, here is what we will do, when we come back we will share some stories and do a little drinking, i don't know, who knows. as we go out, here say little message from mike yard. >> hey, y'all. so what do you say when you lose your dream job the day before you are about to go on your dream vacation? how the hell am i going to pay for all this [bleep]. >> so larry, listen, can you boree-- until i get back on my
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if i hired you, what is your plan? i see a few things changing. less mergers and acquisitions, more charitable donations. retiring on top. linda?! letting boredom get the best of me. and then, returning triumphantly. smells like we're done here. [old spice anthem] i'm hillary clinton, and i approve this message. michael hayden: if he governs consistent with some of the things he said as a candidate, i would be very frightened. gillian turner: he's been talking about the option of using a nuclear weapon against our western european allies. max boot: this is not somebody who should be handed the nuclear codes. charles krauthammer: you have to ask yourself, do i want a person of that temperament controlling the nuclear codes? and as of now, i'd have to say no.
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[bill o'reilly sighs] and as of now, i'd have to say no. canredd's apple ale!ome beers? ♪ [ "stay" by lisa loeb ] redd's apple ale. also for a limited time in blueberry. [ song continues ]
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we put our energy into dgiving it the bold,.. rich taste of real starbucks espresso with a hint of cream. so you can put your energy, where it really counts. starbucks doubleshot espresso. real life energy. (cheers and applause). >> larry: all right, welcome back. i'm here with all the contributors, fran chest cass ram see, robin thedder, jordan
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carlos and brace parra. we're just having fun, having some drinks am kicking it. does anybody want to share any favorite moments, recollection or fun stuff. people like to know what happened behind the scenes. does anybody have a good behind the scenes. >> i have a really good writers room moment. >> larry: careful. >> we had a story that we didn't get on the air. maybe it could have saved us. (laughter) >> yeah, it was about a guy who got caught jerking off a dolphin. >> larry: oh yeah. >> we watched this clip so many times in the room, and it was really, really-- some people were into it, rory. >> yeah. >> hey, i'm not going to lie t was a good looking dolphin. >> the worst part is you have beer foam in your mustache. >> that sounds more like the best part. >> wait, i have a question, rory, how many mustaches do you have? how many do you own. >> rory has a lot of mustaches. >> i don't own any, comedy central is paying for all-- i don't know what i am going to do now that i don't have a binder
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full of mustaches. >> my whole attitude is why would you not always wear a mustache, it doesn't make any sense. why wouldn't every character have a mustache. it is simple math. >> some of us choose to have mustaches. >> you are the ones, i don't see gender, you know what i mean. >> larry: but i love that rory show always goes for the '70s bushy porn mustaches. >> again, called the right choice. >> rory, you are playing a six year old in this piece. and you're like, going to need a stash. >> but you have a porn stash book, right. >> it's not a book. more of a collection. >> it's a graphic novel. >> it is graphic. >> by the way, the dolphin jerking thing we got on the show but we had to blur it all, but apparently you can't show bestiality on tv. >> larry: well, apparently, you probably shouldn't show. >> i don't know. hey, i don't run the network, you know, i don't know. >> the best part so a lot of
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times our audience gets to see things here uncensored that we have to censor on tv, so when lenny kravitz's dick fell out. >> that was a fantastic. >> one of my favorite moments, this was behind the scenes that jordan carlos, you probably don't know about. >> oh. >> we actually taped a food desert and it was absolutely fantastic. i loved it. but we gave jordan this huge tomato to eat. and so he bit into it, it was like the climactic moment and he bilt into it and the second bite we had what we needed. and then we started talking about the next shot. and we were like so should we do this, should we do that. and jordan is still eating this tomato. and he is like-- and we would like talk, talk, talk, talk and then we turn, and we were like oh [bleep] cut, cut, cut. >> can i say something now, can i say something now.
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because i'm a [bleep] professional, okay? (cheers and applause) >> and he is definitely allergic to tomatoes. >> i am. pie body broke out in hives. >> one of my favorite things he saw on the clip was when grace by the way can write a song in like 45 seconds i'm not lying, you never see anything about it, she said we need a song like, this give mow ten seconds, she came down to larry office with jordan with the guitar. with are you doing, i think i got a little something for you guys. i see a video of you sitting on larry's couch, this is the greatest. >> remember it was all song parodies we couldn't use because we couldn't license any of the song, all sam smith and i don't know what else we were doing. >> there was that. >> bruno mars. >> the weekend. >> you had gone all day, rehearsing it with the popular songs and then 15 minutes they were like hey, can you change all the melodies? >> and you did.
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>> we did. what you saw in that sketch we had written literally 15 minutes before we taped, never rehearsed it. >> grace actually did a song in our office today cuz i just picked up my phone and i was like, give me a song about your guitar. she had to say good-bye to it and had a song immediately it is supercute. >> you guys have an office? >> you have an office. >> what the hell. >> well, you guys remember. >> are they giving offices away. >> larry: (cheers and applause) >> i have to head and do shows in wisconsin. so if are you in wisconsin, make it out there. shameless plug. but at the same time, i love you guys, thank you so much for everything. and [bleep] don't think i packed underwear. i didn't pack und
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♪ you never believed in fairytales. knights in shining armor or happily ever after. but you believed when the right one came along, you'd be ready. time to shine. orbit.
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[ clock titime. ] you only have so much.
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that's why we want to make sure you won't have to wait on hold. and you won't have to guess when we'll turn up. because after all we should fit into your life. not the other way around. (cheers and applause). >> larry: thank you. before we sign off for the last time, thank you. i just want to say thank you so much again for comedy central for giving me this opportunity. also thank you to jon stewart for believing in me. (cheers and applause). >> larry: back if the day, jon, you have no idea what that has meant to me. and thanks to our amazing staff, cast and crew without worked so hard every day to bring you this show. you guys are the best. you really are. thank you. and i want to especially thank our fans who have been just amazing. the outpouring of love and support this week has been overwhelms. and even the haters, your
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passion is fantastic, guys. it is. it is. let me tell you something, never undervalue the passion of a hater. now before each show i have a q & a with the audience and the number one question i get is why is your map upside down, right? and i always say well, i disis agree with your premise. right? you see, upside down is just an opinion. if you were floating in space, the earth could take on any orientation. but as a culture we've all agreed with the opinions that the world should be seen in a certain way. so at the nightly show our chief mission was to disagree with that premise and to see the world in a way-- (applause) >> and to see the world in a way that may not make everybody comfortable. and to present it with a cast of people without don't always get to have a voice on that.

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