tv The Daily Show Comedy Central November 22, 2017 1:40am-2:10am PST
♪ that the thing you want to do ♪you wan ♪ is the thing that you should do ♪that - ♪ some kids think i'm strange ♪ s ♪ 'cause i like studying for an exam ♪yinga ♪ but i don't let that bother me ♪me ♪ because it's who i am ♪ it's - ♪ and i like nothing better than ♪ nothin ♪ making fun of jews un ofe ♪ and ripping on black people ♪g on ♪ though some people think it's rude ♪ th all: ♪ do what you wanna do ♪ ♪ just make sure that what you're doing ♪ ♪ is what's cool and popular with everyone else ♪ chew baby chew and chew... d. - hey, bridon, can we watch you practice basketball? - uh, sure. - ♪ don't stress about it or you just might faint ♪ush - [mumbled rap] - ♪ don't stress about it or you just might faint ♪ush - ♪ you gotta do what you wanna do ♪ do all: ♪ do what you wanna do ♪o ♪ as long as what you wanna do ♪hat ♪ is what everybody wants you to ♪ want ♪ glue baby buy some glue ♪buy some ♪ just in case what you're doing... ♪hat hey, guys!
- huh? huh - where'd everybody go? - the girls all wanted to go watch that bridon kid practice basketball.etbal. - but the girls like singing and dancing. - no, i think the girls just like that bridon kid,kid, no matter what he does.t ho no, we just-- no, no, wait!- we just got good at this! >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight the roastmaster general himself jeff f-is joining us, everybody!
the big news, 180 characters on twitter! now people can get much more detail when complaining to airlines companies. at delta, my flight was delayed. it reminds me of my first flying experience, 1994, i was but a young lass. other news, who likes pizza? cheaper. that means you're nazis. >> papa john's is telling racists we don't want your business after a neonazi web site declared pap the pizza of thality right. they posted a swastika pizza after papa john's said they condemn hate groups.
we do not want these individuals or groups to buy our pizza. >> trevor: 2017, the year when even pizza had to distance itself from gnatsias. to recap. papa john's said the n.f.l. protests were hurting pizza sales. nazis said, yes, papa john's, you are officially the pizza of the alt right. papa john's said, no, we aren't racists. they said, sure. papa john's said, no, seriously, we're not trying to be racist. the alt right said, right, neither are we. papa john's said, what are you doing. they said, come on heil five, baby, just do it. poor papa john's. but let's move on. every day seems there is a story unexplained violence. sometimes horrifying and sometimes truly just weird. >> we've got breaking news to report this hour, a kentucky man
in custody accused of attacking senator rand paul. >> senator rand paul was assaulted outside his home. we're learning his injuries are worse than originally thought. >> a senior advisish said paul suffered five broken ribs and is in considerable pain. the suspect was arrested, charged with assault and released. >> trevor: holy crap, someone assaulted a sitting u.s. senator. that's crazy. what's even crazier is that after only one night in jail, the man was released. like, he broke a senator's ribs and he's already out. i'm going to take a shot in the dark and say that he's white? can i get white for 500? ( laughter ) >> the attacker, his own neighbor, 59-year-old rene boucher. >> trevor: rene boucher? ( laughter ) wow. that sucks. getting beaten up sucks but getting beaten up by rene boucher is horrible. ( laughter ) now it sounds like you got beaten up by the candlestick from biewd butty and the beast.
( laughter ) it sounds less they can, like, a name and more like a christmas center piece. do you like my rene boucher? ( laughter ) okay, that was fun, but who is rene boucher? >> boucher, a retired anesthesiologist and pain specialist who invented the thermovest to treat back pain. >> trevor: rand paul got beaten up by a pain specialist? ttotouche, boucher. ( applause ) getting beaten up by a doctor must be the most confusing thing that can happen to a human being. the doctor is like, don't you ever do that again! now, show me where it hurts. all right, any recent changes in diet? okay, i'm going to need you to cough. okay. ( laughter ) by the way, it's not like rand
paul got into a fair fight and lost. turns out rene boucher is as sneaky as his name. >> it happened friday inside the gated community where both men live. boucher's home, right next door to senator paul's, sources say the senator was mowing his grass, wearing headphones when the attack happened. paul telling police boucher came on to his property and tackled him from behind forcing him to the ground. >> trevor: rene boucher tackled rand paul from behind while he was on a riding mower? that has to be the most white guy attack i have ever heard of. ( laughter ) the only way that attack could be more white is if he dropped a radio playing "this american life" into his bop top. that's the only way. ( laughter ) this raised many questions because neither rand paul nor rene boucher explained why the fight happened. luckily, that's what nosey neighbors are for. ( laughter ) >> initially, it was thought this may be political in nature. now it looks like it can be as silly as yard waste.
>> a long-running dispute over grass clippings and leaves blowing on to each other's lawns. >> jim skaggs is a long-time neighbor and knows both men well. >well. >> what have you heard was the reason for this latest dispute? >> trash along the property line. i think their disagreement was probably over where a leaf or a twig fell off a tree. ( laughter ) >> trevor: no, that can't be right. rene boucher attacked a u.s. senator over leaves? that would be like finding out that john wilkes booth shot lincoln because he was sitting in his seat. president, i'm 12h, bam! yeah, i'm 10h. sorry, my bad, my bad. by the way, the news interviewing a neighbor isn't the same in a gated community. usually they try to find an eccentric black person who gets
remixed and goes viral. but since it's gated community in kentucky, this is the blackest dude they could find. ( laughter ) in my opinion, he still deserves the same treatment. >> from what you're heard, what was the reason for this latest dispute? ♪ ♪ trash along the property line ♪ ♪ trash -- >> trevor: okay, that was horrible, horrible. the lesson is only remix black people. that was horrible. ( laughter ) for more information, we go live to senior neighborhood correspondent michael kosta, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) how did a minor dispute between neighbors get so out of hand? >> no, no, no, my friend. israel and palestine is a minor dispute between neighbors. this is far more serious. we're talking rich people and their lawns. >> trevor: so something like this was bound to happen? >> hell, yeah. you pack two wealthy doctors this close, barely an acre and a
half between them, that was a shaken pelligrino waiting to explode. ( laughter ) think about this from a rich white man's point of view, trevor. everything in his life is perfect, then he gets home to find his neighbor's sycamore crushed his geraniums? makes me want to break some ribs right now! >> trevor: that's what i'm talking about, a little overboard, five ribs broken. >> he left 1 19 ribs off the ho. if you have limbs on my lawn, you might as well come over and (bleep) my wife, which is probably what's happening here, but let's just say it gardening! >> trevor: michael ♪ music playing bye scout! ♪
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." there has been a lot of news this week out of saudi arabia, which is basically america's kooky rich uncle who occasionally beheads people. we all have one. ( laughter ) over the weekend, the kingdom went through serious turmoil. >> breaking news out of saudi arabia. >> we're seeing an historic upheaval. >> a royal purge in saudi arabia. >> several high profile people. >> several arrests in saudi arabia. >> a prince and colleagues were
killed in a helicopter crash sunday. >> saudis intercepted a ballistic missile fired from yemen. >> what in the world is going on in saudi arabia? >> trevor: the biggest story is hare to the thrown prince mohamed bin salman. saudi arabia has more princes than a men yaps halloween party. it's so hard to keep track of these people. that's what makes this story peculiar. saudi arabia is ruled by one big family. we don't know if we need to send in u.n. or andy cohn. the kingdom is calling it a crack drown on corrupt princes but i don't know if you buy it. they're saudi princes. what do you mean corruption? they already have all the money. that airplane is the prince's normal ride. how do you bribe that guy?
as it turns out, there might be going on here than just corruption. >> what's being presented as a crackdown on corruption, in my opinion, that's a total smoke screen for what this is, is an abrupt consolidation of power by the crown prince and the elimination of rivals. >> trevor: wait a minute, consolidating power and getting rid of his political rivals. i wonder how president trump feels about this whole thing? >> president trump is responding to the rapidly moving developments in saudi arabia. in two tweets yesterday trump endorsed salman's new corruption crackdown saying i have great confidence in king salman and the crown prince of saudi arabia saying they know what they're doing. >> trevor: locking up political rivals is trump's wet dream. he probably phoned the prince and said is it true you're locking up a all the enemies? that's right, donnell, all of them.
even hillary? ( laughter ) no, donald, this is a different country. oh, sad. ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, look, i'm not saying that trump endorsed these arrests, but i'm not saying that he didn't. >> the crown prince now has ties to jared kushner, trump's so son-in-law and senior advisor who took an unannounced trip to saudi arabia just days before this mass purge and was reportedly up till 4:00 a.m. hanging out with the crown prince. >> trevor: j.kush and the prince up till 4:00 a.m. in what could they possibly be doing? oh, yeah. ♪ let's take over the world ♪ avenge all of our rivals sing, jarred! ♪ ahhhhh! ( laughter ) to be fair, the situation in saudi arabia is a lot more complicated than that. the crown prince isn't just
trying to grab power, he's also trying to modernize saudi arabia. side lining the old guard could let him diverse tie fy'the economy and expand women's rights. so the kingdom might become more autocratic but also more free, which is a paradox. it's how not being mo fog now can actually strengthen a relationship. i'm not saying that would be a good idea ( laughter ) i'm just saying experts have found this to be true -- ( laughter ) which a couple could test if certain people weren't so rigid, but i'm just pointing that out. but no matter what the reasons, long story short, these people are detained and held in riyadh's harshest accommodations. >> 1 princes and 40 officials detained at the lavish ritz carlton in saudi arabia in riyadh. >> trevor: arrested at the ritz carlton? that's how you know your country is rich, the world's best hotel
is a prison. it makes it hard to complain about being arrested. i'm being caged like an animal! my rights are curtailed! alexa, mood music! the warden is probably, like, calm down or you go to the marriott! noooo! we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) ♪ sourced entirely in france, for a character all its own. grey goose. give the world's best tasting vodka.
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( translating to spanish ) >> there's a lot of good people here. >> yeah. >> si. >> what's your mesh dream now? >> -- what's your american dream now? >> to have a home. >> a baby and in the united states. congratulations. >> yes. >> trevor: please welcome jeff ross! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> oh, thank you. nice welcome. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> great to see you, bud. >> trevor: great to have you. how have you been? have you been losing weight? >> sometimes i go to hot yoga and i just lay out my mat and cry for an hour. water weight. >> trevor: you're looking good. >> thanks, bud. taking care of myself.
a lot to live for. >> trevor: is there a lot to live for, jeff? >> you see comedians biting the dust. i want to live. >> trevor: that's nice. taking a cue from life. let's talk about the special, jeff ross roasts the border: live from brownsville, texas." >> yeah. >> trevor: what does that mean? people at the border or the wall, what is jeff ross roasting? >> people don't realize there is an existing border fence that runs thousands of miles across the southern border. the down of brownsville, texas, is the southern most tip of texas. there's a park where the fence runs true it and the mayor let me set up a stage and roast migrants as they crossed over into america. ( laughter ) and i said, oh, that could be funny, i'm going to shoot that for comedy central. ( laughter ) because we hear so much about immigration all the time, building a wall and the muslim ban, and i thought how do the people who actually live on the
border feel about this? so i wrote an act and went for a week. >> trevor: when somebody's escaping something and meet jeff ross at the border, i feel like that would make me want to go back, and then there would be another story where they said i just escaped jeff ross at the border. how do you roast people that are escaping these situations? >> i just put it out there. you know, any mexican people here? ( cheers and applause ) see? they're the best. i love mexican people. i think we should let all the mexican people into america because you guys are the best business people we have. ( cheers and applause ) you took four ingredients and turned it into 40,000 restaurants. ( laughter ) and guacamole is extra! i love the mexicans! i roast the ones i love, trevor. and it wasn't all jokes. this was a very emotional special. i went to a refuge shelter in
texas and i talked to women from aritria, a country i never heard of before, and they were escaping oppression and political violence in aritria, these women are very bright, they speak multiple languages, they're not rapists and murderers like the president wants you to think. they come from africa, europe, central south america, central america, get to the fence and climb the fence and we throw them in jay. >> trevor: first they get roasted. >> it's like running the new york city marathon and when you get to the finish line the mayor punches you in the balls. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's how the marathon ends. that's new york. that's what we do out here. ( laughter ) it's funny you say you roast the ones you love. jeff came to south africa and i said, you have to do a show. he said, do they know me?
i said, yeah. you roasted an audience member who was a paraplegic in the audience and -- ( audience reacts ) -- no, no, no, everyone volunteered to be roasted. i will never forget he cried tears of joy and at the end of the show he said, thank you for making me feel normal, i wanted to be roasted like everybody else. there's something touching about what you do, i don't know if you're losing your edge and gaining something special, but you're becoming a sweeter person in the roast. >> (bleep) you. ( laughter ) ( cheering ) oh, jeff ross. no, you go to the border and you know it's highly politicized. tell me something you learned as jeff ross as an american, because you cannot have just open borders. there has to be a system most people agree on.
then jeff ross goes down there, you have your views. what views of yours have changed? what is something that changed of you one way and maybe the other way? >> one simple thing is, you know, if you listen to the rhetoric in politics, everybody is coming from mexico. the fact is people are coming from almost every part of the world to come to america. >> trevor: right. >> this isn't just about making money. some of them are escaping gang violence and political oppression all over the world. and we're a nation of immigrants. i challenge -- in the show i challenge the politicians to remember where their ancestors came from. i think we just lost sight of the fact that we're all -- you know, immigrants come to america and they do the jobs that americans don't want to do like host "the daily show." ( cheers and applause ) >you know, and they work so har, an they're good people, and
occasionally they're pretty funny. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i'm going to edit out that part where i said you're a nice guy who makes people feel good. ( laughter ) so the border has been roasted. where does jeff go -- >> by the way, $21 billion that wall is going to cost. for that kind of money, second send everyone in mexico $1,000 to stay home. ( laughter ) it's all business. but you're right, we do need to really look at poredder security. we need to fiend a more dignified way for people to come into america. not everybody has the luxury of signing up and taking years to get into the country. some people are running away from a burning fire. >> trevor: can i tell you what's crazy is that we are sitting here on a comedy show where a comedian is talking sensible immigration and foreign policy and the president is roasting people on getter. ( laughter ) that's the world we live in now. thank you for being on the show. >> trevor, i love you.
>> trevor: jeff ross roasts the border: live from brownsville, texas" premieres november 16 on comedy central. jeff ross, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ i'm all about my bed. this mattress is dangerously comfortable. when i get in, i literally say ahh. america loves the leesa mattress. we have more five star customer reviews than any other mattress of its kind. this bed hugs my body. i'm now a morning person. hello bed of my dreams. discover how leesa's innovative design provides an extraordinary sleep experience. then place your order. we'll ship your leesa mattress right to your door. so you can enjoy a risk-free trial at home. i love my leesa. today is gonna be great. sleep on it for up to 100 nights and love it, or you'll get a full refund. returns are free and easy. order now and get