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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  October 12, 2018 1:33am-2:05am PDT

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- oh, yeah. oh, yeah, yeah. - oh, god... my head. what did we do? - oh, man, i can't believe i sucked your jaggon. - oh god, we did suck each other's jaggons! you kids won't tell anybody about this, right? - no. - no, wait-- we won't tell anybody if you don't cancel our show. - ooh, i knew that was coming. - they've really got us by the nezmins. - the earth show can still be good. just erase everyone's memory so we don't know we're a show. - i'm sure you'll see that if you give our world time, it will become even more outrageous and violent. - there's even world war iii to look forward to. - and then we won't have to show anybody the picture kenny has of you guys sucking each other's jaggons. - all right, all right, earthlings. you win. the show can stay on. all: all right! - just be sure to keep up the wars and violence. well, we've got a 5:00 with the yerka producers. nice meeting you, earthlings...bye. - [yawns] - whoa, cartman. looks like you didn't get much sleep last night. - that's 'cause i was having these bogus nightmares all night long.
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- hey you guys, look. - what the hell is that? i don't know. - hello there, children. all: hey, chef. - chef, kenny has a picture of two green things sucking each other's shoulders. - what is it, chef? - i don't know, but something tells me this picture might be very important, children. you should hang on to it. - attention, universe. be sure to tune in next week for another exciting episode of earth. the asians are really stewed at the russians, the zebras try to get along with the buffalo, and americans and iraqis have an all-out brawl. it's outrageous fun, and it's all new. earth. on fognl. captioning by captionmax comedy central
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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the daly show, everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight-- our guest tonight is the author of a new memoir about transracial adopting. it's a fantastic read. nicole chung is here, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) i will have a really wonderful conversation with her. but before we chat with her, there's a ton of news, so let's catch up on today's headlines. as you probably know by now, there was a ranting lunatic in the oval office today. ( laughter ) and he had to sit there quietly as kanye west did this: >> at the white house today, a
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presidential sit-down like we've never seen before. >> kanye west met with president trump in the oval office, and he had a lot to say. >> i love hillary. i love everyone, right. but the campaign, "i'm with her," just didn't make me feel-- as a guy that didn't get to see my dad all the time, like, a guy that could play catch with his son. son-- it was something about when i put this hat on, it made me feel like superman. the iplane 1. it's a hydrogen-powered airplane, and this is what our president should be flying in. so this theory that there's infinite amounts of universe and alternate universe. would you build a trap door that if you mess up and accidentally something happens and you fall and you end up next to the unabomber. all we have is today, over and and over and over again. the hero's return, the hero's journey. and trump is on his hero's journey right now. and he might not have expected to have a crazy (bleep) like kanye west. >> i'll tell you what, that was
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pretty impressive. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: you know, trump's mouth said, "that was impressive." but you could see he was thinking, "is it racist if i call the cops?" ( laughter ) and i'm not a fan of this new kanye west, but i will say i really enjoyed seeing kanye make trump feel the way trump makes us feel every single day. ( laughter ) that was great to watch. ( cheers and applause ) i liked that. and this must have been so confusing for donald trump, because you realize the only other black guy he knows is ben carson, right. ( laughter ) so now he's like, "black people are the quietest, sleepiest, most talkative, manic people i know." so today was a weird day for president trump. and i hope he didn't catch up on other news after that meeting, because this story out of mexico would have made him #sad.
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>> we're getting our first look inside a high-tech border tunnel leading to california discovered by mexican authorities last month. agents say the tunnel is 31 feet deep and 627 feet long, starting in a mexican home about 200 feet from the border. the tunnel is extremely sophisticated, with lighting, ventilation, and sump pumps to get rid of moisture, all powered by solar panels. the tunnel even has its own rail system that goes the entire length. ( laughter ) >> trevor: right now, trump is like, "we need an upside down wall, guys!" ( laughter ) that is so impressive. an illegal mexican drug tunnel basically has a better subway system than new york. that's what that is. ( applause ) and-- and somehow less drugs. ( laughter ) oh, a lot of people don't know this, but in those mexican tunnels, they still have that guy who randomly starts dancing in the middle of your ride, just comes in there like... oh, man. i also like how the tunnel used
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solar power, too. that was a nice touch. it's almost like the drug cartel saw the latest climate report and said, "man, we have to do our part, man. i don't want my kids growing up in a white marble mansion with a pet tiger and no ozone layer, man." and, finally, in other news, if you ever wondered what inspired the first lady's "be best" campaign, you need wonder no more. >> for the first time, melania trump revealing why exactly she focused on cyberbullying. >> what happened to you personally, or what did you see personally that you thought you wanted to tackle this issue? >> i could say i'm the most bullied person on-- on the world. >> you think you're the most bullied person in the world. >> one of them. >> trevor: wow. ( laughter ) okay, i won't lie. that's disappointing. like i-- i thought melania trump was inspired to fight cyberbullying because she cared about other people. but, no, it turns out she created an entire campaign just to help herself. ( laughter ) like, i don't even know how to-- this is like finding out the real reason nelson mandela
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wanted to end apartheid is just because he wanted to smash white girls. "we're here to end racial segregation so i can get some of that biggie ash." now i can't wait to see what issue melania finds important next. "now that i have solved bullying, i'm proud to announce new initiative, "be not asking wife for sex." together we change the world. ( cheers and applause ) all right, let's move on to our top story, the midterm elections. they're now just a few weeks away. and because of that, we're starting to see more and more news stories about who's going to vote, who's not going to vote, and why. >> we headed to the local university of california campus. democrats hope some winning here hinges, at least in part, on turning out people of color and young voters. >> sorry, not to be annoying, but we're with nbc news, and i'm just trying to figure out, is anybody here going to vote in the election on november 6? anybody? anybody? nobody's going to vote?
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>> trevor: okay, i don't even know if that proves nobody's going to vote so much as it proves people don't want to talk to some random creepo at the bus stop. like, if anything, all we've learned is 20 years of teaching kids about stranger danger has paid off. that's it. ( laughter ) but, but i will say this-- this democracy pickup artist, he's actually getting at something important, right. this guy, he's on to something. when it comes to voting, one crucial demographic is unenthusiastic a.f. >> we always talk about who's going to come out and vote, you know, what demographic, what group. young people usually, historically, they don't show up. >> young people are the least likely to vote. >> young people, as a group, don't vote in the numbers that older folks do. >> turnout among younger voters is often below 30% in an election where people in their 50s and 60s turn out at 50% to 60% turnout rates. >> trevor: old people vote twice as much as young people. to me that makes no sense, because young people have to live with the effects way longer. like, if i was old, i wouldn't
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care. i'd be gangster about my vote. i'd just be like, "let's see what this jill stein is about. who gives a damn. i have five years, at best. yeah, three years if i drink lacroix. let's do it." ( laughter ) so, the question is why don't young people want to go to the polls? well, to help us get our heads around this, we're proud to announce our newest "daily show" addition, jaboukie young-white, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) welcome. >> thank you, thank you! >> trevor: so great to have you here. jaboukie, welcome to the show. all right, let's get into it, man. as young people, we know that we should be voting, but we don't seem to be enthusiastic enough. so what can we do to increase the turnouts? >> okay, well, first of all, trevor, we're going to need to stop saying "we," because you're old. >> trevor: okay, no, no, hold on. no, no, don't let the tie fool you. i'm also the youth. i was born in 1984. >> oh, 1984! okay, vintage millennial. nice. ( laughter ) nice.
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see, trevor, i'm young-young. you know, you're old-young, kind of like nick cannon, you know. like, how old is he, 30, 50? like, i can't really-- like i have "young" in my name, literally, right there. and your name is noah, like that creepy old guy who made those animals (bleep) on a boat, you know. ( laughter ) >> trevor: it wasn't a boat. it was an arc. but, whatever, let's move on. jaboukie, i'm trying to get to the bottom of this. why aren't more young people excited about voting? >> why aren't more young people excited about voting? what you should be asking is why the youth vote is being suppressed. >> trevor: oh, of course. voter suppression is big in america. we saw the supreme court ruling about north dakota-- >> no, no, no, you're talking about old people again, trevor. i'm talking about how voting is designed for old people. like, why do we still use paper to vote? paper is over. i don't even wipe my ass with paper. i use a bidet. why do i have to go out to vote? can't you just postmate the election to me, you know?
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"tony will be here in 20 minutes with my ballot and seaweed salad? dope." plus, now they want to require an i.d. where am i about to get an i.d.? >> trevor: wait, wait, you don't have a driver's license? ( laughing ) >> oh, my god, trevor, you are as funny as my mom said. ( laughter ) ( applause ) like, look, i don't need a driver's license. my uber driver needs a driver's license. ( laughter ) in fact, if you want my i.d., my uber is the best i.d. there is. it's got my face. it's got my rating for point "a." all my driver's license will tell you is where i once lived. my uber tells you where i'm trying to be, you know. like, right now, i could take any of your phones and be like, "oh, tey went there, there, and there, and they took a pool? they're going to vote for bernie." ( laughter ) >> trevor: okay, but that doesn't explain the lack of enthusiasm, right. 57% of older people are very excited to go vote. >> yeah, of course they are, because 57% of their life is
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just time off. when you're old, you have the luxury of free time, you know. who else can play chess in a park at 4:00 p.m.? ( laughter ) and why is voting on a tuesday? that's the hardest day to take off-- which reminds me, can i take off next tuesday? >> trevor: dude, no, you just started! >> see, that's what i'm talking about! that's that shit, trevor. >> trevor: there's no election next tuesday. what are you talking about? >> look, that's not the point. that's not the point. you want people to vote, make election day a national holiday. ( cheers and applause ) yes, yes, yes. like president's day or toyota-thon. >> trevor: okay, s0, let me get this right, if america adopts digital voting and if they allow people to do it from home and they make election day a national holiday, then young people will definitely vote? >> oh, no! why would i spend my day off voting? ( laughter ) i'm trying to see what this park test is all about. >> trevor: jaboukie young-white, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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try metamucil, and begin to feel what lighter feels like. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." you know, every now and again on "the daily show," we like to take a moment to get into the mind of donald trump, actually figure out what he's thinking, which means we watch fox news. because oftentimes, when they say something, he does it, right? fox news said mexicans are taking over, and then he said, "let's build a wall."
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they talk shit about robert mueller, he says witch hunt. they tell people to invest in gold-- well, you've seen his apartment. anyway, since people have been protesting brett kavanaugh, fox new has been workin work new tag point and it goes something like this. >> consider angry left-wing mobs. they seem to be everywhere in this formerly placid country. >> what you have seen is the emergence in a very weird way of a very weird way of a brown shirt party, to use the term of when the people in germany went out and literally dominated the streets by brute force. >> remember all those anti-bullying p.s.a.s obama white house did? well, now the democrats are the worst bullies around. >> trevor: that's right! the democrats are the worst bullies around. yeah, but they don't give you wedgies. they force you to get better health care. ( laughter ) yeah, it's like, "hey, timmy, when i see you in the parking lot after school, you're getting a comprehensive plan!" "no!" ( laughter ) so, the new narrative is the democrats aren't just the
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opposition party. no, they're a violent, angry mob. and this week, fox news found the perfect soundbite to support their narrative. >> former attorney general eric holder raises the bar for the radical left and calls for more unhinged hate and actual violence against the republicans. >> watch this. ( applause ) >> "we kick them." really? this is the top cop under barack obama, from hope and change to kick 'em on the ground? >> trevor: okay. can we just acknowledge that by saying they're going to get kicked, sean hannity and his friends are accepting that they're going low, right?
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( laughter ) i'm just saying. they're like, "i'm getting kicked?" "yeah, but only if you go low." "exactly, so i'm getting kicked." and if you're wondering, why aren't you commenting on eric holder's threat?" maybe it's because unlike fox. i watched the entire thing. >> trevor: in other words, eric holder made it clear that it was a metaphor. so fox news is taking that "kick them" completely out of context. it's the same way posters for bad movies will pick individual phrases out of reviews, you know. like, the poster will say, "the best thing i've ever seen." but the actual viewer, "the best thing i've seen since i last took a dump." ( laughter ) now, look, fox has always been good at stirring up fear in the republican base, but now they're taking it to a new level, because they're not only speaking about republican
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voters. they're saying that the party leaders should be afraid. >> pounding on senate doors and screaming at senators in elevators. >> these youngsters right in a senator's face, gesticulating and shouting and screaming, that's-- there's a danger there. >> members of congress getting shouted down on capitol hill, harassed in elevators, stalked in airports, run out of restaurants. >> trevor: oh, no! ( laughter ) no, poor mitch mcconnell. someone yelled at him at the airport, right before he confirmed the supreme court nominee who yelled at congress for hours? yeah, but those people are an angry mob. brett kavanaugh has every right to lose his cool. that's how it works, right? yeah. i mean, in his defense, have you ever been questioned by congress while hung over? yeah, i didn't think so. ( laughter ) i didn't think so. i didn't think so. and, by the way, i'm not saying brett kavanaugh was drunk at the hearing or that he got drunk the night before. i'm saying he drank so much as a kid that he was still hung over
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from 30 years ago. that's what i'm saying. that's what i'm saying. ( applause ) and, look, look, i see what's happening here. but fox news and the republicans, you can't have it both ways. one minute you're saying liberals are a bunch of p.c. snowflakes. and then in the next sentence, you're saying they're a dangerous mob. like, let's be honest. right now you're like, "ah! ah! i'm getting attacked by snowflakes! so delicate, but so dangerous!" ( laughter ) wwe'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) i'm always going to be a maker. and i think a company is the coolest thing you can build. i'm adam, and i make robots. you never know when inspiration is going to strike. so i take my surface pro everywhere. part of an entrepreneur's job is to get stuff done. i like to do, like, four things at once. the new surface pro can handle all of my programs. i can paint, i can mold, i can code. i have it on all the time, it's fantastic.
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get out of my yard! [birds chirping] jimmy? you're so old. [crunch!] >> trevor: welcome back to the "the daily show." my guest tonight is the editor in chief of "catapult" magazine and author of the new book "all you can ever know." please welcome nicole chung. ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: and thank you for sharing such an amazing story in this book. "all you can ever know" encapsulats what your life was. you grew up as a child who was adopted. you were raised by white parents who loved you to the ends of the earth. but in this book, you talk about something that many people struggle with every day, and that is the relationship of being a child who is adopted, who is living in a transracial household. why is that so difficult? >> i think it's just difficult, i think, given that a lot of the-- first of all, a lot of people go into adoption not necessarily fully prepared to talk about race, which is, of course, crucial in a transracial adoption. >> trevor: right. >> you know, like, my parents, for example, went in, and they asked a lot of questions of a lot of different experts-- social workers and judges and adoption attorneys-- and they were basically told, "don't worry about it," you know, "it's going to be okay no matter what. you don't really have to talk about this. it's not going to be relevant." and, of course, it very much was. >> trevor: right, because you
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read in the book-- and you write about how you had this experience where your parents didn't talk to you about race. at all. it was just ignored completely it's never mentioned. and many people would agree with that, "why should your parents talk to you about race, nicole, because they don't see you as a color. they see you as nicole, their daughter." so why do you think it should be necessary for people to speak to their kids about race if they adopted them? >> it's completely natural in a way. for parent, of course, it doesn't affect their love for their child. like, my parents didn't think of me as their korean child or their adopted child. i was just their child. i think what none of us really knew how to talk about so much-- especially when i was young-- was that fact that of course even if it didn't matter to them, it was going to matter a great deal to me in my life. it would matter. other people would notice. they would comment. and i think none of us were prepared for all the questions we got moving about in the world, because we kind of stood out in my home town. so, often, when i got those questions, i wasn't really sure, like, what to say, because in my life at home, it wasn't really
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acknowledged or spoken about. your book takes us through such a painful, exciting, loving, wonderful journey, where you begin to explore who you are, and you have that yearning to find out the rest of your story. and that, in and of itself-- i mean, you describe it in such detail-- is scary, but at the same time, really exciting. why do you think it was so important for you to want to find out who your biological parents were, where you had these parents who loved you so much? >> i had thought about it for many years, and really, for me, what was the final push was when i became pregnant with my first child. up until that point, i thought of course, what it would feel like to have a child and share my life and my history with but i really hadn't thought about how being adopted might affect them, like what questions they might have. and i remember so vividly sitting at my first prenatal appointment, getting all these questions about my medical history and what my birth mother's pregnancies and her births were, like and i had no answer.
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and i suddenly just felt this deep sense of fear and inadequacy that this was information that i needed to have, that my children might need to have. so that was really the final push. >> trevor: you went out, you searched, and you found your answers. i don't want to give away a lot of the book, but there is a beautiful connection that you made with a sibling who you discovered, your sister-- i believe you have two, right? a half-sister and a full sister, as you call them in the book. but you are very close to your sister. that is a really interesting relationship to have, somebody who has been a stranger your whole life, and yet you feel like you've known them forever. >> yes, she's an amazing person, and a lot of this book really-- it's her story as well as mine. you kind of get both stories on parallel tracks, and then they intersect when we finally meet and find out about each other. and she's just an amazing person. i feel so lucky to have her in my life. my kids have always just known her because-- like, we connected the same month that i gave
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birth. but it's been interesting to talk with them about it, just in terms of-- like, they kind of take it for granted that she's there, that we're together, that we have this family and these relationships we've recovered. but, really, we had to do a lot of work. and it took a lot of effort and a lot of heartache to put our family back together in this way. so it's not something i'll ever take for granted. >> trevor: it's beautiful. it's a page turner. thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: i appreciate it. "all you can ever know" is available now. a beautiful story. nicole chung, everybody. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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well, here's to first dates! you look amazing. and you look amazingly comfortable. when your v-neck looks more like a u-neck... that's when you know, it's half-washed. add downy to keep your collars from stretching. unlike detergent alone, downy conditions to smooth and strengthen fibers. so, next time don't half-wash it. downy and it's done. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. here it is, your moment of zen. >> a s


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