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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  November 6, 2019 1:40am-2:15am PST

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manager, christie smith. if memory serves me correctly, that's where she almost got lucky with this hottie named chad. but there was an embarrassing sledding accident where she was mistaken for a man. finally, it's time to out some privileged celebrities. many of you wonder, how in the hell did i get my own tv show? i don't have famous parents. to be quite honest with you, i don't even have successful parents. a bunch of losers. i clawed my way to the top of basic cable with my own two hands. everyone knows that miley cyrus, jaden and willow smith, and robin thicke were born with a platinum spoon in their spoiled mouths. but the fact is, almost every actor, from a list to the trivago guy, is riding on someone's rich and famous coattails and you have a right to know. [strings music] ♪
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so that's how they made it. only one of those was not true. thanks for nothing, mom and dad. good night. nsored by comedy central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. and thank you for coming out. thank you! thank you! let's do it. let's make a show. i'm trevor noah. we have two guests joining us tonight. first up, new jersey senator and
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candidate for president of the united states. cory booker is going to be on the show tonight, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) then an actor who also wrote and directed a brand-new film, "mother brooklyn." edward norton is going to be here, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, someone snitching on donald trump. bad guys are now saving saving lives. and why the popeye sandwich is dangerous. so let's catch up on today's headlines. it's officially november, which means two things-- one, wyclef should be back soon. and, also, the popeye's chicken sandwich has returned. but if you're thinking of running out to get one you better brush up on self-defense skills. >> a man was stabbed over a fight of the popey's chicken sandwich. >> popeye's was packed. you can imagine. people were standing in line. they were waiting, they were wanting the brand-new popey's chicken sandwich, and police
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were saying in the line two men got into an argument. the argument esk laimented. it is believed it was over that chicken sandwich. and so they went outside, and that is when one of the two of them took out a knife. the other was stabbed. >> trevor: goddamn! people are getting stabbed over a chicken sandwich? i guess it really is healthier to be vegan. wow. maybe it's just me, but i don't know why this sandwich is making people go crazy. they're fighting each other. people are fighting the employees in the parking lot, snreet. it's getting out of control. no other chicken place is dealing with this. at chick-fil-a, they're like, "we love god." welcome to thunderdome. meanwhile, at white castle they're like, "you only had one stabbing? that sounds nice." the crazy thing to me is someone got stabbed, but everyone else stayed in line. ( laughter ) yeah, they were like, "wow, that's horrible.
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but you know what else would be horrible is if i didn't get my chicken sandwich." ( laughter ) like, it's so popular, i wouldn't be surprised if someone in line called 911. "i'm at popeye's and someone just got stabbed." and the 911 operator is like, "you're in popey's. cowl you get me a chicken sandwich, please?" let's move on to the impeachment news. one of the players in the scandal is gordon sondland, trump's ambassador to the e.u., and toyless squeeze man. last month, sondland testified to congress that he had no knowledge of a quid pro quo. but now, he's changing his tune. >> the latest on the impeachment showdown. a trump-appointed u.s. envoy now revising his earlier testimony before congress acknowledging there was likely a quid pro quo. >> gordon sondland acknowledged he understood that american military aid to ukraine was linked to ukrainians making a public statement promising to investigate corruption in their country. >> trevor: wow. so this guy is just revising the testimony he gave under oath?
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we can't even edit our tweets, but this guy is walking into congress just like, "oh, you said 'quid pro quo'. i thought you said squid pro quo. quid makes so much more sense. yeah, we totally did one of those, yeah, yeah." ( laughter ) but, actually, i'll be honest, i feel bad for sondland because he was the first to testify, and he probably thought everyone was going to have his back and also say there was no quid pro quo. but everyone snitched on him, and he's saying, "now i'm going to change my story." it is sort of like when you were a teenager and you tell your friends, "we tell our parents, there was no liquor at the party. and you tell your parents the story, and they're like, "trevor brought the liquor." "i would like to revise my earlier testimony!" and finally, if you got a library book that is overdue, you might be in bigger trouble than you think. >> a michigan woman is fighting to stay out of jail over some forgotten library books. melinda jones says she vaguely remembers checking out the books
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"where the sidewalk ends" and "night" from the library. she said she found out about a warrant for her arrest over the overdue books when he went to a new position in work. she says she never got a notification of the fines because she moved. and now she faces a maximum penalty of 93 days in jail. >> trevor: okay, okay, this story is insane. first of all, i didn't know you could check out books from the library. i thought that was just a place people went to masturbate. and print resumes. that's wild. but for real, does this woman really need to be arrested for overdue library books? like, who does that help? if anything, it's not going to help kids. when she's on an episode of "scared straight," what is she going to say "keep trying to read out there on the streets. you're going to end up in here with me, kids." ( laughter ) and i'll be honest with you, i think late fees only make people not want to return stuff.
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i went through the same shit back in the day with blockbuster. i rented a video and i missed the deadline by, like, an hour. and they said, "we're going to charge you double." and i said, "screw it. i'll rent it. i'll have another day. i'm not going to pay it. i have seen passenger 57 but i'll watch wesley snipes again. and blockbuster sent me a notice saying i owed the complete price of the movie, which was like 200 bucks. i was like, "screw that. i'm never coming back." then they suspended my account and said, "we're sending the police after you. you're going to jail." i said, "i'm not going to jail," and then wesley snipes went to jail which is a plot twist nobody saw coming. ( laughter ) it's messed up that people can get in trouble for keeping library books too long. the only good thing about this is that is the one crime president trump will never be indicted for. trump can't even enter a library. it's like when, satan tries to enter a church, "it burns! it burns! i just wanted to masturbate." all right, that's it for the headlines. let's move on to our top story. ( cheers and applause ) wildfires.
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as the climate changes and the land becomes drier, they're becoming an even bigger problem, burning down seven million acres in the united states each year. which is terrible because without forests, don jr. would have nowhere to sit. ( laughter ) now, although wildfires have recently been on the rise, these blazes have been a major issue in america for a very long time, so much so that the u.s. forest service even created a hero devoted to stopping the fires-- smokey bear. >> you have so many reasons to protect your forest. hey, kids! i'm smokey bear. remember, only you can prevent forest fires. ♪ my friends depend on me smokey "b" ♪ what's up, man? you left some leaves burning out here. >> so the next time you're in the forest, be extra careful. okay? >> if you knew it was me, would you have listened?
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>> trevor: aaarrgghhh! what the ( bleep ) was that? (laughter) forget fires. i'm never going to be able to trust a beautiful woman ever again. "say, trevor, want to go back to my place?" "get the hell out here, you bear! i'm not falling for your tricks." but yes, for decades america has tried everything to prevent wildfires. and in california, they've gone way beyond talking bears. >> we're finally learning some good news about the wildfires in california. most of the fires still considered active are either well under control or almost out thanks to the thousands of firefighters who have been battling the flames alongside hundreds of inmates. >> you see all the firefighters in orange? those are california inmates. the state has been using prisoners to fight fires since world war two. >> trevor: yeah. that is really, really interesting. inmates in california can volunteer to help put out fires that have gotten out of control.
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and i think it's great that these prisoners are willing to help in a time of need. and just for extra motivation, i think they should be allowed it bring their squad from prison to hype them up as they fight the fire, you know. yeah, they can just be standing in the back like, "yo, get his ass, t-bone. extinguish this bitch. remove either oxygen, fuel or heat. that's what you do to stop a fire." you would think any prisoner volunteering for a dangerous job like this would be in it for some big reward. it turns out, that's not the case. >> inmate firefighters get paid an average of $2 a day. when they're battling live fires, they earn an additional $1 per hour. >> though they only earn about $1 per hour to risk their lives, every day of work as an inmate firefighter counts as two days towards their sentence. >> trevor: wait, hold up. inmates get two days off their sentence for every day they fight the fire? that's not much of a reduction. like, if i was an inmate i would want to keep the fire going. ( laughter ) yeah.
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i'd just be out there like, "oh, no! i accidentally turned my hose to the 'spread fire' setting again. oh, darn." ( laughter ) and, also, i don't care if they are prisoners, getting a few dollars a day to fight a wildfire is bullshit. now while the prisoners are getting basically nothing for doing a dangerous job, the state of california saves an estimated $100 million a year by using inmates to fight the fires. what's extra messed up, despite fighting fires year after year while in prison, many of these inmates aren't allowed it use any of that firefighting experience once they've served their time. >> despite their experience an inmate firefighter may find it tough to land a full-time job after they complete their sentence. to become a firefighter, most departments require an e.m.t. license, but e.m.t. certifying boards have a pattern of denying applicants with a criminal history.
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>> when they leave that service, they are told they will never, ever be allowed to be a firefighter. >> trevor: okay, you got to admit, that's just shitty. you fight fires in prison but then when you're released you're not allowed to do it professionally. basically, when you're an ex-con walking around and see a fire, what? you have to commit a crime to help? "oh, no, that orphanage is on fire! help me rob this bank!" so the question is should prison firefighters be allowed to enter the noble profession of firefighting after they've served their time? to give us some expert perspective, we're joined by the most noble firefighter of all, smokey the bear, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) smokey, where do you stand on the issue of ex-cons working as firefighters? >> first of all, trevor, thanks for inviting a bear on to your show. #diversitymatters. and, secondly, i believe ex-cons could make great firefighters, and i'm a living example. >> trevor: wait, are you saying
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you're an ex-convict? >> that's right. shout out to my boys in san quentin. stay hard, my brothers! >> trevor: wait, what were you in jail for? >> in the 90s, i ran a ponzi scheme that preyed on the elderly. but i didn't know right from wrong. i was doing a lot of blow. ( laughter ) >> trevor: damn, that is hard core. i thought it would be for something like stealing honey or something. >> why, trevor, just because i'm a bear you assume i steal honey? do i look like winnie the pooh? that's racist. >> trevor: no, no, i didn't mean to offend you. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. >> okay, i forgive you. see, that's what this country is all about-- giving people second chances. that's why anyone who wants to fight fires should be able to, except for people who won't put out their camp fires. those people should have their dicks ripped off by a bear. ( laughter ) but not me. i'm still on parole! ( laughter ) >> trevor: wow, that's a pretty extreme.
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>> not as extreme as discriminating against people who paid their debt to society. ex-convicts should be able to train as firefighters. and that's why i'm changing my slogan to "remember, only you and cell block "d" can prevent forest fires." >> trevor: thank you so much for joining us. smokey the bear, everyone. we'll be right back.
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i'm truly amazed at the effect that it has on people. thank you, bob! the ffor a chip so iconic,ssage. we don't need to name it. no logos, no gimmicks. just those red and blue bags with the stuff you love in it. man you know the brand. it's the three-sided crunch. that had you trade your buddies for it, if they packed a pack at lunch. no logo, but our name's on the tip of your tongue. shaking for crumbs when the bag is done of that cheesy, spicy, crispy-crunchy, flavor packed bodega snack that rhymes with. i need those. but an ad with no logo? it's another level.
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest is a 2020 democratic presidential candidate. please welcome new jersey senator cory booker! ( cheers and applause ) >> all right! >> trevor: welcome back to the show. >> it is good to be back here. it's been a year. >> trevor: it has been a year,
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and a lot has changed in that year. you are running for president of the united states. you're on the democratic primary. let's start with something that you've managed to do that nobody else seems to have managed to do in the democratic field, and that is everyone agreed in the beginning to be nice. everyone said, "this is a race about great ideas, and we all agree on many things, and we'll be nice." and then, like, two debates, people are like, "you're a moron, and you're this." and you have been very vocal in saying, "no, i'm still not going to do that." how is that going for you? ( laughter ) >> look, we're trying to beat donald trump, who is darkness, who is hate. and one of my greatest heroes, king, said darkness can't carve out darkness. only light can do that. hate can't drive out hate. only love can do that. ( cheers and applause ) and this is the mistake i think we make in this country, they think to be tough you have to be mean. they think to be strong you have to be cruel. but we've taken on demagogues and bigots and fearmongerers. every generation of america has had that.
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i would say the gardens of our democracy has never been free of those weeds. mccarthyism, the no-nothing party, which was anti-immigration. the same language trump uses. how did we beat them in every generation. we didn't beat bolt conner by bigger hoses and dogs. we beat him because of artists of activism. they fought fire hoses and dogs with relentless and fearless love and ignited the imagination of this country and brought more people together. you wrote an op-ed talking about what the democratic party needs in particular. and you know, in no uncertain terms, you have basically said the democratic party is a diverse party, and you feel that the democratic leadership needs to reflect that. but right now, it's no secret that the people leading in the polls happen to be white. and you're saying the party needs to be diverse in who it picks to lead it. but what does that mean? because i'm always confused by that when people say it.
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i go diverse should mean that white could also be in the lead, if everyone is focused in the same direction. >> let me make this point in two ways. number one, everybody is talking about what i'm going to do when i'm president. i came to the united states senate, fourth black person ever elected popularly to that office. i got there, and i was shocked. i said wait a minute a this is the least diverse play i have worked. i know from harvard dais studies that diverse teams are better teams. we are at a point in america where we have to understand any great thing we do, any great thing we do comes from broader and bolder coalitions. i'm tired of hearing people define electability how do you recapture a white voter who might have voted for obama and switched over. look at the three midwestern states we lost by 77,000 votes combined-- michigan, wisconsin, and pennsylvania. pick any of them. wisconsin alone, in milwaukee, the african american vote declined from 16-- from 12 to
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16. it went down about 70,000 votes. >> trevor: what you're saying if i understand correctly, too much focus seems to be placed on one specific type of voter. people are saying how do we win the white middle-class voter who voted for obama and trump instead of how do we win voters including black people who didn't turn out. >> you and i have heard this in the black community before. i'm the only senator who lives in an african american urban center. and i hear this all the time, people getting cynical about american politics. they don't feel like people are talking to them. they have a lot of presidential forums. i went to one, speaking to formerly incarcerated recently. and i was very angry. i got there, usually-- with 78 candidates running for president right now, usually you can get a few there, and there were only three of us. and i said at the end of that to these formerly incarcerated people, candidly to them, i said, look, the democratic party has been wrong on this issue. and the one thing we need from a president is somebody that people can trust, is going to fight for these issues.
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and that's what i think we have to have is a president that can evoke sort of an authenticity of spirit with folks to say, okay, i believe that you're going to be with us on this. >> trevor: tell me about some of the policies that separate you in the field. the democratic party has laid out a wide range of policies that people agree on to a large extent, but the details are-- >> first of all, to me, the issue is, yeah, i want to talk-- i'm a policy wonk. and i'd love on the debate stage talking about policy. but there's something beneath that. who is the president who can create those new american coalitions? this is about a president who can get things done. we are in gridlock because we hate each other because we vote differently. this is a moment in america where we are at a crossroads. the the choices aren't between donald trump and not donald trump. the choice is are we going to continue to lead this planet on the issues that matters from climate change to setting a standard for quality of life? or are we going to descend to be
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the first generation of american where's our life expectancy is going down. i'm running for president because i believe in us. and i believe this is a moment that we as a country have to see we have a common cause and common purpose because we certainly have common pain. the president that can get us there. that's the one that doesn't just beat donald trump. that's the one who gets us to the mountaintop, and that's what i believe our destiny is. >> trevor: powerful words. good luck to you fleft of the race. senator book, everybody, we'l be right back. [ birds chirping ] [ typing ] [ birds chirping ] ♪
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my next guest is an academy award-nominated actor who wrote, directed, produced and stars in the new movie "motherless brooklyn." >> phinneas? >> yeah. >> nice face. >> nice yourself.
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>> you got a light? geez! >> sorry. >> geez. i gotta ask. >> trevor: please welcome edward norton. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you. >> trevor: and congratulations on making a movie that has taken you, what, two decades to finally put together. >> i read the book, i read the book about the time we were putting out "fight club," so 20 years ago yeah. >> trevor: you read the book
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when you were making "fight club", and the story gripped you and you said, "i'm going to make this movie." >> the character-- in case you don't understand what you just saw there, he has tourette's syndrome and obsessive compulsive disorder, and he's a detective, but he trips himself up quite a lot, as you can see. he's not exactly the bogart smooth detective. >> trevor: right. it's a different type of story and that's what made the book interesting was is it was a story of a p.i. who has tourette's and also o.c.d., but is brilliant. as the readers we fall in love for this character because we root for the underdog. and you have taken that story and you turned it into a movie. what's interesting is the book was set in the modern-day era, the 90s, and you have taken it to the 50s, why? >> the power of the novel is just what you said. it's your deep identification with this guy, with his very chaotic, hilarious, poignant mind. >> trevor: right. >> and the plot-- it's hard to explain.
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in the novel, it feels like a 50s gumshoe novel though it's set in modern brooklyn. >> trevor: interesting. >> in a way what we wanted to do is stick to the feel of it. and i'm a big fan of films like "l.a. confidential" and "chinatown," and things like that. i love those films that really take you-- take you back into a sensual atmospheric time where, you know, the magic of movies, that you go into those worlds and you go, "wow, this is really cool. the music is great. the actors are adult and great and the dialogue is great." and then they take you down into sort of a dark weave of the dark things that are going on in society. but i really liked the idea of doing that with a character who is a little different than your typical gumshoe. >> trevor: it's interesting that you say, "the story takes us back to a time," because although the story is set in the 50s, it feels very much applicable to what life is like today.
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because-- i won't spoil anything for you, but this is basically a story about a racist landlord from new york who is destroying the world. >> yes. ( laughter ) i-- ( laughter ) and he's played by alec baldwin. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: well. >> yeah. i want to qualify that because there's no wigs involved, no small hands. and it's not-- it's not based on our insane clown president. it's not. it's really not. there was a-- there was a true darth vader in new york in the 20th century named robert moses who, unlike others, was a genius. he was a genius, a dark genius, but kind of like anakin skywalker gone over into darth vader. he was this great progressive thinker who went very dark, and to a degree that people really don't understand, he ran new
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york city like an imperial fiefdom for nearly half a century. and everything that was done in this city that in some ways baked discrimination into the infrastructure of the city was done by him. >> trevor: right. >> and so our-- in the same way that, let's say, "chinatown" is kind of the story of how l.a.'s original crime that it stole all its water, what we wanted to do was tell the secret story of new york in some way. >> trevor: you directed, starred, produced and wrote the movie-- >> i'm getting exhausted as you say it. >> trevor: that's really complicated for somebody to do. was there ever a point where you thought you were working with other people and at the end of it all-- >> it was all me. >> trevor: it was all you. it was just you-- but that must have been a weird-- why did you choose to take all of that on? >> look, sometimes when a story is knocking around in your head, and the mash-up is strange, the music is done by tom york and
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wynton marsalis, they don't necessarily go together but they do. you have to have conviction that the mash-up of things you're interested in will lead to something natural and great. it's hard to explain to people why you want to do something. >> trevor: well, you did it, and you did it well. thank you so much for joining us on the show. congratulations. "mother brooklyn" is in theaters now, everybody. edward norton, everybody. ♪ slow down speed up to reach 7 kilometers per hour (mom vo) it's easy to shrink into your own little world. especially these days. (dad) i think it's here. (mom vo) especially at this age. (big sis) where are we going? (mom vo) it's a big, beautiful world out there. (little sis) whoa... (big sis) wow. see that?
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