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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  December 4, 2019 1:40am-2:15am PST

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i'm off to the next town in my little truck! have a nice day! toodle-oo! - [bleep]. dude. weak. - it's almost like... like that guy had this figured out all along. - yeah. - we were trying to do good, but we got everyone duped by a bracelet company. - yeah, well, i guess we're just gonna have to accept that people aren't gonna think very highly of us. - well, we can't just let that guy get away with taking everyone's money. - what can we possibly do? - what would jesus do? [rocky's theme playing] ♪
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- [roaring] [yelling] - yeah! - rah! rahh! rah! vengeance is mine! - no, please! please show mercy! - rah! - [screaming] [gauge beeping] [cheers and applause] - thank you, my children. we've all been through a lot. we got caught up in scauses that didn't mean squat. they turned my message away from the teachings it hid
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and made it about me and the things that i did-- which, of course, i didn't do. and even if i did use performance enhancing drugs, so did all the other prophets. but i didn't. so what have we learned from this great wristband theft? maybe that when stripped of our scauses, only causes are left, and causes shouldn't be worn on our wrists with a sneer. let's keep our causes where they belong, which is right here... on t-shirts! free pussy riot! [cheers and applause] - free pussy riot! boys: yeah! >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪
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>> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! wow! so much energy! thank you so much for coming out. i'm trevor noah. our guest has been hailed as one of the greatest authors of our generation. ta-nehisi coates is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: we'll be chatting about his first novel "the water dancer." one of the biggest democrats drops out of the race. how to eat meat without eating meat and donald trump has invaded the u.k. let's catch up on today's headlines. let's kick it off with facebook. the world's largest social media company and web site that reminds you it's the birthday of someone you met once. ( laughter ) recently, it came out that mark zuckerberg had a secret meeting
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with president trump at the white house and now for the first time zuckerberg is being asked what that meeting was about. >> you don't want to take down political ads that people know are false, that they contain false information. >> what i believe is that, in a democracy, it's really important that people can see for themselves what politicians are saying so they can make their own judgments. >> you had dinner with the president at the white house. what was the nature of the meeting. can you say? >> sure. i mean, we talked about a number of things that were on his mind and some of the topics that you read about in the news around our work. >> did he try to lobby you in any way. >> no. i mean, i don't think that that's -- i think some of the stuff that people talk about or think gets discussed and these discussions are not really how that works. >> okay. >> i also want to respect it was a private dinner and reception. >> trevor: oh, so now mark
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zuckerberg believs if privacy. oh, no, privacy is a thing. i think everyone should know what the politicians are saying. what about you? no. get the heck out of here. he sounds less human every time he speaks. in a democracy, we must share our voices and the weather today is going to be partly cloudy, 64 degrees. it almost sounds like siri is his voice coach like she's trying, just speak normally like this. okay, this is me talking normally. that was terrible. you sound like that rumba i dated. ( laughter ) let's be real, there's no way trump didn't lobby zuckerberg at their secret meeting. why else would the president have him come to the white house? did trump need help in untagging himself in eric's photos? if trump didn't want anything, you have to believe he wanted to hang out with mark zuckerberg, really? these two have nothing in
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common. what would that conversation be like. i like models. do you like models? i like data models in algorithmic sets -- no, i mean supermodels. this guy sucks. ( laughter ) while facebook is under fire for shady political ads, there's a nonpolitical ad that's taken social media by storm. >> as the christmas season spins into high gear a new app is going viral for all the wrong reasons facing backlash after sending shoppers into a vicious cycle. >> a paleton? give it up for the first time! >> i'm excited. let's do this. five days in a row. you surprised? >> i am. >> 6:00 a.m. yea. >> rising with the sun! >> it was totally worth it. >> a year ago, i didn't realize how much this would change me. thank you. >> criticism and mockery of the ad reaching a fever pitch monday
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on social media, one man tweeting nothing says maybe you should lose a few pounds like gifting your already rail thin life partner a paleton. >> trevor: oh, man! i can see why some people are hating on this ad. looks like the dude bought his skinny wife exercise equipment as a christmas present. which is shitty. it would be worse if santa brought her the bike, i think you need this more than i do! ho, ho, ho! i think some people are outraged at the husband for giving her this gift. although i think your reaction has a lot to do about how you feel about the exercise. clearly she wanted the bike, right? and if you think exercise is only for people who want to lose weight the ad can seem insensitive. on the other hand, if you think exercise is something people do for fun, the ad is fine. people exercise for stress relief, fitness or if you're like me, for revenge.
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hiya! once i get strong enough to punch through a brick! i'll get revenge on the brick that killed my uncle! hiya! ( laughter ) finally, 335 days until the 2020 presidential election. yeah, which is almost enough time to watch "the irishman." and the democrats are still figuring out their nominee, but after today there will be one less name to consider. >> breaking news in the 2020 lead. after a promising start with huge crowds and impressive fundraising numbers, california democratic senator kamala harris this afternoon announced she is dropping out of the race for president. >> it is with deep regret but also deep gratitude i am suspending our campaign today. but i want to be clear with you, i am still very much in this fight. >> trevor: wow. kamala harris has dropped out of the 2020 race. and i don't think anybody saw this coming. because when this race started, she was one of the favorites. this has been a twist.
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it's like how in season 7 of "game of thrones" we thought denarius would become queen, but in season 8 we realized it was a shit tv show none of us should have watched! wasted our time! destroyed our lives! ( cheers and applause ) now, what's been really interesting for me is to see the conversations that have been sparked by smal kamala dropping. some people say it proves that even in the democratic party black women don't have the support they deserve. others say there wasn't enough black magic to erase kamala's record as a prosecutor. i think it's both. cory booker, i'm going to say a phrase you probably never heard before in your life, you are now the blackest person in the room! don't let us down, cory! ( laughter ) you know another reason this came as a shock? because kamala had become
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qualified for the next debate and she chose to drop out. she was in the next debate. meanwhile, people like marianne williamson is still in. doesn't make sense. she hasn't dropped out. she's still in there. i think her plan is to be at the one fight at wrestlemania that hides under the ring while everyone else is knocked out and then sneak in, joe biden! bam! i am the nominee! let's it for the headlines. let's move on to the top story. ( cheers and applause ) the impeachment of donald trump is getting closer. today, the democrats on the house intelligence committee released a 300-page report outlining the conclusions of their impeachment inquiry. while all of this was going on in d.c., trump hopped on air force one and flew to the u.k. obviously i'm not saying trump is fleeing the country but it was weird he only bought a one-way ticket.
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it was also weird he bought a ticket for his own plane. the pilot was, like, mr. president, you don't need a ticket for this, this is air force one. he was, like, oh, yeah? why does it say oneway ticket on this k.f.c. napkin! you explain that to me! obviously i'm joking. the real reason trump was headed to turkey was for a major n.a.t.o. summit between america and european allies, and in classic trump fashion, he began the trip with a bang. >> president trump kicked off his meetings here in london with a free-wheeling impromptu press conference and harsh words for french president emanuel macron. >> asked about recent comments thatnateso was becoming brain dead he hit back hard. >> very nasty statement. you can't go around making statements like that about n.a.t.o., it's very disrespectful. >> in the past president trump had his own harsh words towards nate. >> n.a.t.o. is obsolete, it's old, it's fat, it's sloppy. ( laughter ) >> trevor: n.a.t.o. is old,
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fat and sloppy? ( laughter ) why is it that every insult trump uses against others always seems to really be about himself? ( cheers and applause ) no, i don't know if you notice, every time he mocks other people, it's like a pain inside of him he's trying to project on to others. it's almost like he's taking notes during his fight with melania. fat and sloppy, that's good. i'm going to use that. how am i in bed? maybe there's something in there. so we're observe the same page, basically the french president said n.a.t.o. was becoming brain dead partly because trump's administration had stopped supporting it. trump as part owner of a dying brain thought macron was insulting him personally. that's not the only reason for animosity between frans and the u.s. because as the summit goes on, a trade war is heating up between the two countries.
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>> the trump administration is threatening tariffs up to 100% on $2.4 billion worth of french imports, including wine, cheese and handbags. the new tariffs are retaliation against new french taxes targeting u.s. tech companies like apple and google. >> i'm not necessarily in love with those companies, but they're our companies, they're american companies. i want to tax those companies. they're not going to be taxed by france. i'm not going to let people take advantage of american companies because if anyone's going to take advantage of the american companies, it's going to be us, it's not going to be france. ( laughter ) >> trevor: yo! no, i'm sorry, donald trump is rock and roll, man. how dare you take advantage of american companies, that's what i was going to do! this man is one of a kind. he's like the world's worst superhero. he'll stop a mugger robbing the hold lady but only so he can fly
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off with her purse. it's mine! so, yes, in response to france announcing taxes on american tech companies, trump is now threatening to tax all the most clicheed french goods like wine, cheese and handbags. yeah. he was probably also going to tax french fries and mistresses but that hit too close to home. now although trump plans to punish france by taking as much from him as possible, earlier today he offered to give france something in return. >> we have a tremendous amount of captured fighters, i.s.i.s. fighters over in syria, and they're all under lock and key, but many are from france, many from germany, many from u.k. they're mostly from europe. i have not spoke ton the president about that. would you like some nice i.s.i.s. fighters? i could give them to you. you can take every one you want.
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>> the very large fighters you have on the ground are from syria, iraq and the region. it is true that you have foreign fighters coming from europe, but this is a fine where problem we have in the region. >> this is why he is a great politician because that was one of the greatest non-answers i've ever heard, and that's okay. >> trevor: goddam! whoo! ( audience reacts ) that whole meeting got, as the french say, very (~bleep ) uncomfortable. ( speaking french ) just look at macron, you can see from his body language he's trying to hold himself back but deep down he's thinking i swear to got this buffoon is going to make me cut the bitch. i swear to god! ( in french accent ) ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: and what a turn this relationship has taken. just last year trump and macron
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were giving each other friendship trees. remember that? now trump is offering to send him i.s.i.s. ( laughter ) it's pretty dark that trump would offer to send i.s.i.s. fighters to macron as a gift, but i guess, on the other hand, we have found the one gift that's worse than a pelaton. >> are you ready? >> yes! >> now! >> an i.s.i.s. fighter?! first day of training with i.s.i.s., i'm a little nervous, but excited. let's do this. five targets in a row. are you surprised? i am. >> you think this is a game, huh? >> 6:00 a.m., knife skills, yay! up. >> aaahhh! >> aaahhh! aaahhh! >> a year ago, i didn't realize how much this was going to change me. thank you. >> this n.a.t.o. season, give the gift of i.s.i.s. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: we'll be right back.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." we all agree that climate change is going to change how we live in the next few decades, but could it even change what we eat for dinner? well, roy wood, jr. has the answers to that question and more in this special report. >> we all know that americans love the hamburger, especially this one. but now scientists are trying to cancel beef. >> chilling warnings in a new report -- >> beef and dairy agriculture are a key cause of the grouse gases -- >> michael pollen the obi-wan of food writers says eating beef is as harmful as burning fossil fuels. >> of all the things we do to contribute to climate change, beef is at the top. the animals produce greenhouse gas. >> farts? >> they're burps. >> a burp is a mouth fart ( burping ) >> all right, we can't change the energy system but we can all
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slightly modify our diet. >> you're asking people to stop eating something they have been eating their whole life. you're going to make a suggestion, don't eat a lot. after that, hamburger is illegal, it goes underground and next thing you know you're siccing bacon behind a wal-mart. >> maybe. >> i get the beef sweats if i miss a burger. >> i think you will have to taper. >> to save the world i have to give up burgers, hot docks, steaks, meet balls, sirloin tips, baloney, i'm having a panic attack. >> check out these plant-based burgers, this new generation of very sophisticated food science, they create a burger that looks a lot like a burger, it's red in ththe middle, bleeds, and you cn get the taste we really like in meat. >> mmm... once i got my fix, i realized he wasn't talking about boring veggie burgers. the plant-based impossible
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burger is supposed to be indistinguishable from meat. you can even buy it at the carnival joins. the vision goes further than that. >> the mission of impossible foods is to completely replace animals as a food technology by 2035. >> trevor: he's trying to get us to give up beef by using high-tech signs. >> the thing that makes meat taste like meat is that meat has -- >> came from the cow dying. >> that's one theory, yeah. but it's actually a molecule called heme, it's what cattlizes all the unique plaintiffs and aromas of meat but we use it without using animals. >> it's not the marinade. it's not gas or charcoal. it's heme. i guess this has just been a lie all the time. it tastes good? >> you have to decide. >> i will.
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first up a classic farting cow burger. you can't touch that, bro. to be polite, i tried the stupid, nasty-ass plant sandwich. how you make this taste like that? how did you make this plant burger taste like the meat burger? >> well, it took a number of years. >> it's the devil! ( laughter ) you got some fries? roy, this is great. we're vegetarian now. this taste just like meat. >> don't listen to him, roy. no such thing as a meat plant. you're too old to switch sides. >> what i need is real meat that doesn't fart up the environment. luckily another tech company just is working on that in their top secret lap. >> we find the best tasting cows in the world, take cells from those cows. you put that cell line in a byo reactor. the byo reactor enables the cell to double. attend of it, you have raw meet.
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>> not real. >> when you taste it, you will see. this is real meat without all the consequences that come from killing lots of animals. >> that's right, you heard nerd superman. these guys are growing freakish clone meat in a lab. if this is real, it's time for collaboration. >> you can do meat, take one of my cells and grow it in a lab and have roy meat. >> we wouldn't want to do that. >> i'm delicious. it's what i have been told. >> we want to focus on staff that could actually do good for the world. >> sound like a good plan, man. you're making best meat, get it out there. i love a good cheeseburger, what's your meat cost, 3 or $4 a pound? >> the chicken nugget is about 50 bucks. >> how many nuggets? >> just one. >> you're crazy. ( laughter ) a six-piece nugget costs $300. >> that's right. >> (~bleep ). how good could a $50 clone chicken nugget taste. is it even safe?
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( crunching ) >> let me get a three piece. >> i can't. that's all we have. >> who the (~bleep ) just make two nuggets? all this shit in here and all you got is two nuggets? y'all are lying. where are the nuggets at? got to be in here. the clone burger is years away and then might cost as much as avolve o. sure, you could go with plant meat but that still costs more than a fart burger and it's wish craft. what are broke-ass carnivores supposed to do to save the planet? michael had the craziest idea. >> a burger once a week. >> only eat meat once a week? >> try that and see what happens. ( laughter ) >> once a week? >> try it. >> only eat meat once a week? >> try it. >> man, you should be in comedy. ( laughter ) >> trevor: roy wood, jr.,
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everyone. we'll be right back.
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we ordered 10,000 units. that sounds good. pretty cool, huh? they're speaking to mom in japanese, and mom hears them in english. ♪ can you understand me? yes, i can understand you. okay. i have a lot of questions. how do you guys fly? what does santa do in the summer? is mrs. claus a good cook? do you guys get presents? can you roller skate or ice skate? look, it's just like when i tell people abbe geico.
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stand up straight. and speak with purpose. yeah? go on, give it a practice run. kelsey. kelsey. marriage? oh. okay. look maybe you should just show her this beautiful helzberg diamond ring? that's a better idea. yeah, maybe not in the bathroom. oooh! oh my word! geico. it's easy to switch and save. ♪ ♪
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♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a best-selling author and national book award winner whose debut novel is called "the water dancer." please welcome ta-nehisi coates. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> all right. >> trevor: welcome back to the show! >> glad to be here. >> trevor: yeah? >> this is the last thing i'm doing. >> trevor: this is your last press for the book, like ever. >> yes, yes! >> trevor: this is a good day. >> i don't want to talk about it ever again. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you have been on a whirlwind with this book, though, because, i mean, like, you're ending it here but, i mean, it kicked off in applies
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few authors dream of their book ever kicking off, and that was with oprah winfrey. >> yeah. >> trevor: and since then, it really has been a beautiful journey for not just the book but yourself because a lot of people know you as a writer who critiques and analyzes america. it's history and it's present and how the history has affected the present and how people don't want to deal with that. but the novel is a completely different world for you. obviously you've written comics but this is fiction. >> right. >> trevor: that is in a very real place and this is what really intrigues me about the book is you don't refer to the people in the book as slaves. this is when it's taking place in and around slavery in america. >> right. >> trevor: but you're very selective about the words you use. why don't you call the people slaves and say they are slaves and as a slave, and you don't do that. why? >> well, like, for african-americans, particularly, there is -- and one day we'll have to talk about whether it's the same way with apartheid, but there is a popular notion in the mindset of what inoy call
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enslavement was. so there's this idea of rape, chains, whips, you know, roots, you know. >> trevor: right. >> that's what people -- and, so, what you have to do is, like, you have to make it your own and you have to create a kind of image almost or world, like it's slavery but it's your slavery, if that makes sense, it's your rendition of it, your vision of it. i wanted something that did not exist. so a strong part of that, man, you know, is coming up with new ways of describing it, so to get new ways to describe it, you need new words. >> trevor: interesting. yes, you wrote the book, you still write, you still ponder, you're still out there. >> yes. >> trevor: one of the articles you wrote has tranche a lot of attention, obviously criticism, backlash, support, all of the above, and you wrote about colin kaepernick. >> mmm. >> trevor: fascinating article about the can cancellation of cn kaepernick and cancell culture as a whole. one of the most beautiful
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sections is where people like to make it seem cancel culture some used by liberal students and the snowflake left, but you say cancel culture has for long been wielded by those who control power. >> the acts in history is like the killing of women at salem because they looked at somebody wrong or some other. the salem witch trials. in the case of colin kaepernick, listen, you had a president of the united states who used basically the authority, you know, and, you know, the majesty of the state to threaten the n.f.l. into keeping this guy out of earning a living he had been training for since he was a kid. what more effective and devastating act of cancellation can you come with? that don't match anything some kids in a cafeteria somewhere on a quad that don't like milo have done and yet we find ourselves focusing on that. you know what i mean? as i argue in the piece, i think
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that has a lot more to do with who is doing the canceling than it does with, you know, what we think about canceling. >> trevor: oh, that's interesting. >> people get canceled all the time and some people should be canceled, by the way. you know? >> trevor: but who is canceling can affect how we see the canceler. >> that's true. >> trevor: than thank youphor coming on the show. i hope nobody asks you about this book ever again. >> i don't want to hear about it! ( laughter ) >> trevor: buy the book, read the book but don't ask him about the book! "the water dancer" is available now. ta-nehisi coates, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ when you move homes, you move more than just yourself.
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