tv The Daily Show Comedy Central December 6, 2019 1:40am-2:15am PST
oh, look at them, thomas. i think they really like each other. yes, i have to admit, it seems they're actually falling in slow cosby. [ knock on door ] i'll get it. [ knocking continues ] hey did you hear the news, buddy? the canadian president has been [bleep] to death. yes! yes! what? are you sure? what is it, donald? the canadian president got [bleep] to death, darling. oh, my goodness! should we go back to canada, then? yes, i guess, let's go back. [ engines turn over ] -see ya! -bye! it's been real, guy! see ya, guy! [ all shouting goodbye ] charlotte! i'll skype you when i'm home, my love! ah, i should've done the hot cosby. [ cheers and applause ] man: you did it, garrison! man #2: thank you, garrison! friends, i think i've proven that my policies work to get things done.
i know what my true calling is, and i am going to keep this going all the way to washington. [ cheers and applause ] hold on! wait! it wasn't me! i wasn't the one who brought the canadians here. it was something just like this. don't you see? if there's anything we've learned, it's that we have to stop this kind of sensationalistic politics before the same thing happens to us, because if we let this kind of... this... kind of... dude. unbelievable. all right, my friends, i have to say goodbye now because i'm off to washington with my running mate. [ cheers and applause ] [ engine turns over ] [ engine revs ] buckle up, buckaroo! [ cheers and applause ]
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out! thank you so much for coming out! take a seat! let's make a show! i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is a legendary actor who plays roger ailes in a new movie about fox news. john lithgow is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) so excited. also, on tonight's show, jaboukie checks in on america's new founders. apple is actually an apple and
congress goes to law school. let's catch up on today's headlines. let's kick it off with tick tock. a.d.h.d. in app form. kids these days use it for everything from making jokes to sharing stories and political activism. now a new viral tick tock has some people wondering if there should be a limit. >> how much is social media a part of some kids' lives? in the case of the teenagers you're about to meet, the answer would seem to be it's essential. they were involved in a car crash and almost middle east posted a video on the popular app tik tok. these teens are reporting the aftermath of a bad car accident that happened only moments earlier. you can see the cracked windshield and then they got camera ready making a video that they posted on the popular tik tok app, lip syncing while waiting for police. >> what this shows is where young people have their priority. >> yes. >> that they thought it was more of a priority to make a video. >> trevor: okay, i'm just
going to say this straight up -- this is how you know you don't have immigrant parents. ( laughter ) because if you crash your parents' car and your parent is an immigrant, forgetting making a tik tok, you will be writing your will. immigrant parents are the only ones who would show up to that crash and say did my son survive? luckily he's fine. unluckily he's fine, huh?! ( laughter ) but i guess this is what kids in the social media generation do. there's no situation they don't think of turning into viral content. if the movie "taken" came out now, liam neeson's daughter would probably make a tik tok under that bed. she would be, like, you had a bad day, you had a bad day -- ( laughter ) speaking of car wrecks, the trump administration. every day it feels like president trump saying? something that causes outrage. called countries in africa shit
hoholes. sometimes it's easy to forget while trump is loudly offending people, his administration is quietly affecting people. >> nearly 700,000 americans are now in "jeopardy" of losing their food stamp benefits under a new trump administration regulation. the new regulation makes it more difficult for states to waive a requirement that able-bodied adults without children work at least 20 hours per week. it's part of the trump administration's efforts to cut the supplemental nutrition program otherwise known as snap. the administration says the new real aims tone courage those receiving snap to get a job. >> trevor: okay, this is just horrible, man. you're going to cut food stamps to people and you're saying it's because you want to inspire them to get jobs? that's only going to make it harder to get a job. how are you supposed to make a good impression at an interview if you're hungry. the person will be, like, why do you want this job?
because i need to eat, bitch. ( laughter ) and also to do this during the holidays, you know, like, that is so heartless from trump. sometimes i think trump's world view is twisted to everyone else. i bet when trump watched 101 dalmatians, it was a sad movie about a woman who couldn't get a coat. honestly what i find interesting is that you always have politicians who take services away from poor people because they claim it will inspire them to become better. but when it comes to big corporations, all of a sudden their attitude changes to we have to help out these oil companies and these farmers, they need our support! you're, like, what about poor people? yeah, i guess we could give poor people to the oil companies. we could try it. ( laughter ) finally, if this news has you worried about losing your food stamps and you just want to stock up in case? there's a new food that will keep for a while. >> a new type of apple is hitting supermarkets this week and if you buy some they might still be good for next year's holiday apple pie. the cosmic crisp reportedly
could keep for more than a year in storage. it's a cross between the enterprise and honey crisp apples and gives them a higher shelf life while holding naturally sweet flavor and they are resistant to browning. >> trevor: what? they invented a new apple that can last for a year? why do we even need new apples? there are already too many apples, okay? we got so many apples out there we need white people to pick them. that's too many. ( laughter ) ( applause ) we don't need fancy new apples that don't go bad. we need fancy new oranges that know how to peel themselves. that's what they need to invent. by the time you're doin' doan peeling the ones we have now they look like you strangled ernie to death. orange, half of it is the white stuff you're trying not to eat. you know how i know oranges are shit? they named it orange, it's a color. someone took a bite and said you don't deserve an identity.
we don't need new apples, we need new oranges. i just compared apples and oranges and everybody said it couldn't be done but i just did it. >> let's move on to our top story! ( applause ) impeachment, a juice cleanse for the oval office. we're getting closer and closer to the fateful vote. so let's catch up on the latest developments in our ongoing segment in magical wonderful road to impeachment. ( cheers and applause ) ( singing ) >> it's probably presidential harrisment. >> trevor: this morning impeachment took yet another major step forward when nancy pelosi, speaker of the house and sober lucille gathered all the flags she could find for a major announcement. >> nancy pelosi announcing articles of impeachment against president trump will proceed,
pelosi telling america president trump left congress with no choice but to move forward. >> sadly but with confidence and humility with allegiance to our founders and heart full of love for america, today i am asking our chairman to proceed with articles of impeachment. >> trevor: oh, my god oh, my god! oh, my god! they finally proposed articles of impeachment! i mean, i knew when they reserved that hearing room this would be it but you never know it till it happens! oh, my god! i'm so happy for you guys! pelosi's announcement comes a day after the latest impeachment hearing when legal scholars were brought in to give their opinions on impeachment, and most agreed that djt needs to go. >> the democrats arguing the president's conduct regarding ukraine is exactly what the founders had in mind when they wrote impeachment into the constitution. >> president trump's conduct as described in the testimony in
evidence clearly constitutes impeachable high crimes and misdemeanors under the constitution. >> if we are to keep faith with our constitution and republic, president trump must be held to account. >> if what we are talking about is not impeachable, then nothing is impeachable. >> trevor: wow. if this is not impeachable, then nothing is impeachable. most of us thought that sounded powerful, but trump probably thinks that just means he can do whatever he wants. yeah, he heard that and was, like, yay! nothing is impeachable! i can do anything! look at me! i'm running around with scissors! la, la, la! ow ow ow this cut me! this work for the deep state! ( laughter ) so the three constitutional experts called by the democrats testified yesterday that trump's actions were, like, super impeachable. but according to the republicans
on the committee, these people weren't saying this because they're constitutional scholars, they're saying it because they're drinking trump hateorade. >> how many of you voted for trump in the 2016 campaign. >> i don't think we're obligated to abs that. >> the gentlemen may ask the question, witnesses don't have to respond. >> how many of you supported donald trump in 2016, show of hands. >> not raising our hands is not an indication of an answer, sir. >> trevor: can we just agree that people in power should never be asking anyone who they voted for. ( applause ) it's not part of a healthy democracy. there's a reason there's a curtain on the voting booth, it's so you can cast your vote in secret and shower afterwards, okay? ( laughter ) i also like the sly way the congressman was interrogating the panel. i felt like i was watching a
scene with christoph, with a show of hands, who actually voted for donald trump, you are friends here, come on, come on, you can tell me -- ( german accent ) ( laughter ) the professors went after their credentials. >> we had one professor who just absolutely fictionalized what the president said to meet her own statement and then another said he was so reluctant to go to impeachment when his tweets from day one nearly have been he wants to go full-speed ahead. so all i've got to say is if you love america, mommas, don't let your babies grow up to go to harvard or stanford law school. ( laughter ) >> trevor: what? mommas, don't let your babies go to harvard or stanford? that's, like, a weird turn.
( laughter ) now i like to ma'am that there is some family in the south where a mother just found a harvard acceptance letter that her daughter hid under the bed. she's horrified. she's, like, what is this, mary lou? is this an acceptance letter to harvard? she's like, momma, i know you want me to go to princeton, but this is my dream, momma! what's the point of living if i can't go to the kennedy school of government, momma? how dare you upset your momma like this, what else are you hiding from me? momma, i'm also gay. i don't care if you're gay! love is love, you can love whoever you want as long as they didn't go to harvard! ( cheers and applause ) thank you. thank you. my new one-man play, annie get your degree, will be off broadway in two weeks. thank you. so basically that's what happened. all right? yesterday was a hearing with constitutional scholars that took us one step closer to impeachment. all of it was pretty standard
except for one moment that got everybody talking and was when one of the scholars made a joke that backfired hard. >> one of the three scholars democrats called to testify had to apologize for mentioning the president's 13-year-old son during her testimony. republicans blasted stanford law professor familiar la karlan after she tried to make a point that plump does not have the same powers as king. >> the constitution says there can be no powers of nobility, so he can name his son barron but can't make him one. >> when you try to make a little joke out of referencing baron trump, that doesn't lend credibility to your argument. it makes you look mean. >> i want to apologize for what i said earlier about the president's son. it was wrong of me to do that. >> trevor: no, professor, what were you doing? you were brought in for your legal expertise, not to try and make jokes the c in c-span
stands for, christ, this is boring, not comedy. ( laughter ) i'm not saying the professor had bad intentions, but as a rule, don't drag trump's under-aged son into politics, especially when you have these two to make fun of. ( laughter ) seriously! look at these two! they look like the world's most affordable personal injure attorneys. look at them! they look like failed clones of cellino and barnes. they look like they run a strip club by the airport. not the classy one, the one with the bed bug problem. why not go after them? so those are the highlights from yesterday's impeachment hearings and, after the break, we will be talking to our own legal expert who knows exactly what the founding fathers would have wanted. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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question. >> the four law professors who testified brought history lessons to the hearing with talk of american founding fathers and british monarchs. >> we're looking back now to say what did the founding fathers envision about this
country that we are now in? >> we found it fascinating to look back at the founding fathers and the definition of impeachment because it matters. >> this morning's hearing was meant to answer basic but very important questions -- what is impeachment? when is it justified? should it apply here? >> trevor: what is impeachment? shouldn't you have figured that out before you started this. like about to have sex. give me one second, baby, siri, what is vagina? ( laughter ) this is not the time but that's what yesterday is all about. democrats and republicans each brought opposing experts on to determine whether or not the founding fathers would have impeached donald trump. let's turn to our constitutional expert jaboukie young-white, everybody!
( cheers and applause ) jaboukie, i was actually surprised to find this out but you are an expert on the founding fathers. >> oh, no, i'm not. i just told you that so i could get on tv. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: wow, that's actually really disappointing because i was hoping you could tell us if the founding fathers would have wanted trump to be impeached or not. >> the truth is that's impossible. you can't guess what the founding fathers would do today based on what they wrote back then, the world is just so different now. >> trevor: that's interesting. are you saying americans of today should apply their own principles instead of asking what the founders would have wanted? >> no, hm-um. ( laughter ) i'm saying we should still have ask the founding fathers directly, which is why i have my crystal ball. >> trevor: oh. oh, wow. ( applause ) so, wait, are you a medium? >> um, no, i'm usually a small,
but -- ( laughter ) i don't know. i can't tell. >> trevor: i meant the ball. are you going to -- >> yes, sorry. concentrate. okay. spirit of george washington. what do you think of impeaching the president? oh, wow. okay. okay. all right. >> trevor: wait, what is he saying. >> okay. he's saying america is not a monarchy, we don't want a king. he's saying we must honor our democratic traditions. okay. now he's saying the n-word. not even like angry. i just think he doesn't have another word for black people. >> trevor: i think we got off track with him. is there another founding father we could talk to? >> i'm going to contact thomas jefferson. he wants to speak to me. he thinks i'm his grandson. okay. ( laughter ) >> hello, trevor! >> trevor: oh, my god.
president jefferson. what do you think should happen to president trump? >> america, stay true to your principals, follow your heart, don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself in your set. you're on the right track, baby, we were born this way, born this way -- >> trevor: no, jaboukie! >> god makes no mistakes. we were born this way! >> trevor: i thought -- >> this way! >> trevor: seriously -- >> we were born. >> trevor: seriously. >> this way. >> trevor: the founding fathers weren't listening to lady gaga, dude. >> maybe if they did we would be in better shape. >> trevor: jaboukie young-white. we'll be right back. you just wasted my time. this is a tv show! ( cheers and a once a year, cats compete for the chance of a new life. cross paws. i'm quite obviously the best. let's dance.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to the show. my guest tonight is a an emmy and tony award-winning actor who plays roger ailes in the new film "bombshell." >> everybody on my shows knows the meaning of decency, and i do mean everybody! a tv outfit needs tough, confident women. do i push them? you bet your ass i do. but have i ever demanded sex during a casting session? i defy you to find any evidence that a single part of what these women are saying is true. get ready. more will come. we need to let rupert know what it means if i lose. gretchen carlson could kill fox news. this is a fight for your jobs! if i go, you go! >> trevor: please welcome john lithgow! ( cheers and applause ) ♪
>> thank you! >> trevor: welcome! wow! >> thank you so much. >> trevor: such an honor to have you on the show. welcome to "the daily show." >> i'm just delighted to be on "the daily show." >> trevor: and congratulations on what many people are just describing as a stellar performance in the new movie "bombshell." this is one of those films where i think a lot of people will be shaken up. most people know fox news even around the world. a lot of people don't know the man behind fox news, roger ailes. a lot of people have referred to him as a genius of television but then, over time, we learned he was also a sexual predator in the workplace. you're playing this character who is charismatic by in accounts but at the same time extremely evil. is that difficult to convey to people? >> well, it was wonderfully
written. charles randolph created this amazing character. he didn't create it. roger ailes created the character. >> trevor: right. >> but he presents it in an extraordinary way. the movie is a 16-day period in which karma just caught up with roger ailes and washed him away. so you had to -- i had to sort of figure a way to present all these sides of this man. he was -- he had a volatile temp, he had a raucous sense of humor, he was deeply insecure, and yet he was very scary and tyrannized his people. >> trevor: right. >> the movie does an amazing job of just showing how so many different women responded to him. some of them were scared of him, some of them succumbed to him, some of them resisted him, but some of them were very devoted and loyal to him. i mean, i sort of embraced the role of the villain of the
piece. it's very much about the women of fox, particularly these three extraordinary actresses, charlize, nicole and margo. >> trevor: right. >> who -- it is their movie, and they play very much in reaction to roger, and i sort of accepted the role of the sort of malevolent villain. but you can't approach a character like that. you have to approach a vinal's character like any character, with empathy, find out what is it that drives him. i mean, these are big, high-stakes, emotional stories of sort of shakespearean scope, and because it's about a gigantic institution like fox news, which has a lot to do with our entire culture -- >> trevor: yes. >> -- as i say, the stakes are monumentally high. >> trevor: it's interesting that you say that, you know, because you are somebody who people have known and loved for a very long time and, like many performers, you have kept your politics to yourself for the most part. a lot of people have chosen to
say, hey, the articles speak for itself and i will privately vote and cast my ballots but in the age of donald trump, you have become outspoken about what you don't like about him and why you don't appreciate this administration. in fact, you even wrote a book, you know. you illustrated this book called "dumpty," right? >> yes. >> trevor: and that over there -- ( cheers and applause ) it's a book of all the -- well, you know, it's interesting because it's verse as well. why do you choose to write it in that way? was it how you processed the world we're living in? >> well, it is true, the age of trump has drawn me out politically as it has done a lot of people, but i'm an entertainer. how do i respond to this? by just finding the funny. the way you do. making it into something that is both an entertainment and exposing the truth. this is my version of that.
there are 33 poems in it. each one of -- the subject of each one is one of the amazing cast of characters from the trump administration. >> trevor: right. >> most of whom are gone by now. >> trevor: right. i mean, i was intrigued because, i mean, in the time it took me to read the scaramucci poem, he was in and out of the white house. >> right, exactly. people are, like, oh, my god i completely forgot about tom price and john kelly, these people just disappeared from view, and, as a result, this has become a mini little history lesson of what we've lived through for the last two years. but i'm an actor and i respond to amazing larger-than-life characters. look at them all! ( laughter ) and i have my way of skewering every one of them. >> trevor: you do a fantastic job. not just in the book but the movie as well. thank you for being on the show. >> thank you, trevor.
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there's[ screaming ]he house. who would do something like this? [ holiday music playing ] [ bones cracking ] you're all insane. you messed with the wrong sisters. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: well that's our show. thank you so much for tuning in. but before we go, i just wanted to let everyone know that i want to interview you right here on the soviet "the daily show." it's part of an amazing program called education change making an incredible program that provides training and resources for people in south africa. it's going to be a lot of fun. i'll even fly you out here! a pilot will fly you up. you know what i mean. we'll hang out. see how we make the show, hang out with the audience and have some fun. yes, make sure you do it! just do it! go