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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  July 27, 2020 11:00pm-11:45pm PDT

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>> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody, welcome to the daily social distancing show. i'm trevor noah. today is monday july 27th. and if you are one of those lucky people who have been able to go back to their job, just remember something, unlike zoom, there's no mute button in real life. your boss will hear it when you call him a [bleep]. anyway, on tonight's episode, did corona just strike baseball out, desi lydic helps us to be antiracist and donald trump makes the hardest decision of his life, so let's do this, people. welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor captioning sponsored by comedy central
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let's kick things off in florida. the state america dropped on its head as a baby. you may remember that two years ago the state passed a referendum allowing ex-convicts to have their voting rights restored. but then republican officials passed a law saying that most felons had to pay all their court fines and fees before registering to vote. and even though critics said this amounted to an illegal poll tax the u.s. supreme court refused to overturn the law. but now someone is stepping in to help the people power forward. >> nba superstar lebron james is advocating for e-felons to return to the the voting booth in florida. james' voting rights group more than a vote is donating did $100,000 to help pay court debts keeping florida vetters from casting vote, now more than 700,000 floor i had danes-- floridians have financial obligations that render them unable to vote. >> trevor: welcome to 2020 where politicians dunk on people and athletes try to improve their lives. only in government can you mess
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up your job and an nba player does it for you. cuz know it will never work the other way around, right. if lebron fouls out mitch mcconnell is not going to run on the court and score 78 points. although he would be an asset on the defense, the dude blocks everything. >> get that bill out of here, get that out of here, not in my house, well, actually my senate. >> this is great for both democracy and lebron because it will help ex-felons exercise their right to vote and it will make lebron's next stat line look instain-- insane but this process is so unfair to the ex-cons. first of all, they weren't allowed to vote because they were felons. now they can't vote because they have outstanding court fees. i feel like even if they do get that lebron money, florida republicans are going to invent some new random reason to stop them from et vog. i'm sorry,-cons you can't vote until you pass this really difficult test. >> okay, i will try. >> person, woman man camera tv. you were lucky. let's see if you can do it again
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in 20 minutes. >> speaking of overachievers here are good news from book bub lishing, a story out of england about a very surprising new author. >> a very young man, very, very young lands a book deal, his name is nadim, and he is just four years old and from the. can. a poet and teacher shared his poetry on social media and it gained a lot of attention. walker books saw the poems and decided to publish his work next summer. the book will be called astonishing, his poems are about feelings like love and loneliness. >> trevor: that's right, a four year old is publishing a poetry book about love and lowliness. i fore one am surprised a four year old knows what lone loneliness is. frs with their families, then teachers and when they go to sleep that monster under the bed waiting to seat eat them if he go to the balt room. do what i do, fee in the bed,
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but condition grates to the kid, if i was an actual adult poet i would be pissed off, you work your whole life to get in the parish review and now in the same conversation of someone who eats glue, if you ask me once they decided poetry didn't have to rhyme, every four year old became a poet because all they do is babble nonsense which is basically what poetry is. >> i went to the candy store and there was an elephant there. but he wasn't at the candy store. >> let's move on to another four year old who is way less articulate. donald trump. because we're now just 99 days until election day which also means it is just 99 days until the president shows us what he really thinks of democracy. and one of the big political events for the campaign season is the party convention. in normal times it is when thousands of delegates gather in anarena to vote on a number knee. and there are some speeches and spend the week calling candidates who will lose the next president of these united states. but after weeks of saying corona
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won't stop this convention, the donald is finally caving to the reality that these are not normal times. >> president trump's campaign team is scrambling this morning to try to figure out the republican national convention after canceling the jacksonville portion of the event earlier this week. >> a stunning reversal from president trump. >> so i told my team it's time to cancel the jacksonville florida component of the gop convention. >> the decision comes after months of insisting he would deliver an accept ans speech in front of a massive crowd, going as far as moving the bulk of planned events from charlotte to jackssonville when north carolina governor raised public health concerns. the president now echoing those concerns. >> to have a big convention, it's not the right time. it's really something that for me i have to protect the american people. >> in april the president mocked democrats for deciding to hold a virtual convention tweeting of joe bied en, now he wants a
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virtual convention, one where he doesn't have to show up. gee, i wonder why. >> many republicans leader said they would not attend the convention. >> that's right, president trump is grudgingly accepting that his big convention will need to go virtual. and you know this must be eating him up inside because if there is one thing we know about trump, it's that he loves to put on a show. do you remember the insane entrance this man had in 2016, do you remember that, when he looked like an out of shape god descending from heaven. you can't do that shit on zoom, what is he going to do. ladies and gentlemen! please welcome. >> me. that's right,-- oh shit i'm on mute, okay, let's do that again. now trump says he's doing this because he's taking the risk of coronavirus seriously. but you can't ignore that many republicans had already said there was no way in hell they were going to go to this thing. tand just shows you how differently some republicans treat coronavirus when their own health son the line, because
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most of the time they are like this coronavirus is just a hoax to hurt our great president, oh, so are you going to go to the convention, to a crowded convention hall with no masks. >> ha ha ha, i'm kind of busy that day. to be honest, this isn't a problem for donald trump, he doesn't need a new convention. he can just re--- air what happened in 2016. is he still promising the same things. he is going to build the wall, bring back jobs and get the country out of the mess the current president put it in. in other news, recently some school districts decided that they will be teaching a unit on early american history based on "the new york times" 1619 project which illustrates how the founding of this country is inextricably tied to the institution of slavery. but now there is one u.s. senator who is objecting in the strongest and also possibly stupidest terms. >> arkansas senator tom coton getting backlash for saying that the founding fathers thought slavery was a quote necessary evil. >> tom cotton wrote as the founding father said, it is the
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slavery was the necessary evil upon which the union was built. the comment came during a conversation about race and education. senator cotton wants to defund the 191619 curriculum a "new york times" program with the goal of re-examining the legacy of slavery in our country. he says the curriculum is racially divisive. >> trevor: hold up, hold up, hold up. so senator cotton thinks that this curriculum is raiksly divisive, really, this curriculum? yo, you know what is really raiksly divisive, slavery. why would you say that now? >> what are you-- this guy act like racial division doesn't exist until slavery gets taught in schools. and that is a black and white kids are in school nah nah nah, we love everybody. >> all right, everybody, today we're going to learn about slavery. >> yo, what the [bleep] did you do to us? an here is the thing, people are upset because when cotton says that slavery was a necessary evil on which the union was
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built, it sounds like he is defending slavery. thanked is not something a u.s. senator should do even if his name is cotton. and how is he going to stay objective, i get it. but if you dig deeper and you take cotton at his word, all right, he believed that the united states could not have become the country that it is without slavery. well, that's the same thing that the 1619 project says. so why is he fighting this. you guys don't need to fight, you agree on the same thing, this is like when ken and ryu would fight in streelt fighter, you both agreed on haduken, on shoryuken, so why are you mad, you might be thinking if senator cotton wants schools to teach a less racially divisive version of slavery. why doesn't he introduce his own lesson plan. good news w our help he already did. >> are you tired of school lesson plans that teach slavery in a racially divisive way? then introduce your school to the tom cotton lesson plan for
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slavery. the only lesson plan that teaches slavery without mentioning race. with senator cotton's your students will learn that in 1619 some americans were slaves to other americans. that over time, more slaves were brought from one of the seven continents chosen at random and that the civil war ended slavery for both blacks and whites. students will also learn that this all happened a long time ago which means it has no relevance to anything happening today. so buy the tom cotton slavery lesson plan today. order now and we'll include tom cotton's lesson plan for the civil rights movement, letting whites sit in the back of the bus. all right, we have to take a quick break, but when we come back we'll tell you why you should enjoy baseball while it lasts. stick around.
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when you walk into an amazon fulfillment center, it's like walking into the chocolate factory and you won a golden ticket. all of these are face masks. this looks like a bottle of vodka. but when we first got these, we were like whoa! [laughing] my three-year-old, when we get a box delivered, screams "mommy's work!" mommy's work. with this pandemic, safety is even more important to make sure we go home safe every single day. there's nothing like a crisp refreshing sam adams boston lager. a perfect balance of malt & hops... sorry. i was gonna buy that six-pack. ah, ten bucks. that includes mine. yep, ok. ♪ these days, it's just nice to have something to look forward to. well, break out the good plates and tell the kids to wash up.
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let's begin with major league baseball. america's leading metaphor for how far you went during a hookup. just four days after the season started with a record 4 million viewers tuning in, it looks like the season is already at risk, with a report today that at least 14 players and coaches on the miami marlins have tested positive for coronavirus. and this is a real blow because the league had been tries literally everything it could think of to try and stay safe. >> there are so many things different about major league baseball this season. the pirates were to wrap up their first series of the season at st. louis on sunday, and check this out, your home plate umpire tosses a player from the pirates, so new manager derek shelton goes out there, and new rulings, you have to social distance and mask up to argue. >> trevor: corona changed our lives, hand me my mask is the new hold my-- certificate
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lawsly, props to these two, this is an expert demonstration on who it takes to take coronavirus seriously. because yes, these guys wanted to fight but they also know that coronavirus is waiting to beat both of them up. and if these guys can remember to put on their mask before a fight you have no excuse when are you going into wal-mart. plus it definitely slows down a fies when you have to purell after every single punch. if you ask me, manage ares and umpires should have always been arguing from six feet away. because have you seen how they normally argue? i mean look at that. this dude is literally inside the other guy's cap, looks like a really insane dancer angry because his patient forgot to floss. >> why aren't you going beneath your gum line. >> now unlike the mlb the nba decided to reduce the risk of coronavirus infections by forcing all the basketball players to live in disney world for the remainder of the see sob. what they are calling the bubble. and as of the last round of testing, not a single player has
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coronavirus. so as long as the players stay in the bubble-- bubble, everything should be okay. the only issue is one player decided to visit another magical kingdom. >> the nba clippers guard lou williams has been placed in a ten day quarantine and will miss the first two seating games of the restart. williams was photographed at the strip club magic city in atlanta georgia last thursday. williams had been excused from the nba bubble by the team to attend a funeral. he tweeted on friday that magic city was his quote favorite restaurant in atlanta and he was not there to party but to get some of wings. you. >> trevor: you have got to be kidding me, this guy was allowed to leave the bubble for a family emergency. but then the nba found out he went to a strip club. how did they bust him, did he come home with glitter on his coronavirus. i love that his excuse that he was only at magic city for the wings. not for the strippers, just for the wings. look, there are excuses out there but guys, there are tons
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of places to get wings in atlanta. something tells me he was fuel ayee-- actually there for the breast and thighs. okay, who keeps doing that. like-- now with the pandemic continuing to wreck half okay across the u.s. many people are wondering when president trump will finally help his country get it out control. but from the looks of things, he can't even seem to get the virus under control in his own office. >> and breaking today it fox news has confirmed that president trump's national security advisor robert o'brien has tested positive for the coronavirus. >> there is no evidence that either president trump or vice president pence came in contact with robert o'brien but this does make him the highest-ranking u.s. official to have contracted the coronavirus. >> he recently returned from europe where he and his top deputy met with officials from the u.k., france, germany and italy. >> trevor: yep, president trump's national security advisor has tested positive for covid-19.
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and i love how they're saying there is no way trump got infected. of course trump won't get infected. there is mo way trump has had any contact with his national security advisor, we all know that. obviously other staff members could get infected but what is crazy is apparently some didn't even know about the positive test until they read about if in the news. yeah, imagine that. the national security advisor got coronavirus, they didn't know about it until they read it in the news. sort of the same way some people discover from instagram that they are now single, oh cool, dude, cynthia went to a wedding, wait, why is she kissing the grooming. ohk! so at this point, almost every other place in the world is doing better than the united states. in fact, there is actually one corner of the world that has been untouched by the pandemic. north korea. am south korea's warrior. and i'm not sure that i quite believe that they have never had corona but in any case north korea has now officially blown its perfect game.
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>> north korea is reporting what it calls its first suspected case of covid-19. a state-run news agency says kim jong un ordered on lockdown for the border city of kaesong after a defector returned from south korea last week. apparently infected with coronavirus. >> i mean a little redun tenant for north korea to order a lockdown. their national motto is already no one can leave, welcome to north korea. but still i'm impressed that north korea got one coronavirus case and kim jong un immediately ordered a lockdown. kim was like we can't have corona killing north koreans. that's my job. now one part of the story that is really weird is that a defector left north korea, went into south korea, but then came back into north korea. but apparently there is a really good reason for it. yeah, he didn't leave, he just went to south korea for some chicken wings. coming up after the break, desi lydic goes full kente clt and we
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talk to one of america's top historians. stay tuninged. >> just had a brand new record today, again this is now the 18th time sincek and this is since, after the problem, so we have a new stock market high for nas dak and the others are get-- nasdaq and the others are getting very close. what do you tell parents who look at arizona where a school teacher recently died, parents who are worried about the safety of their children in public. >> but i didn't know very many people in washington t wasn't my thing, i was from manhattan, from new york. now i know everybody. and have i great people in the administration. you make mistakes like all he want to do is drop bombs on everybody, you don't have to drop bombs, you don't have to kill people. one of your top
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priority items for a second term. >> doing well in texas. i read where i was one point up in texas. i'm in the one point up in texas, i'm many points up, i saved the oil industry, two months ago i saved the oil industry, i created it-- . >> should be able to hold the convention in jacks sonville with all this virus. >> in many respects it is more important to the evangelicals than to jew you were people in this country. but look at what i have done with the capitol of-- you know, when you go into jerusalem, what i have done. every president said they were going to make jerusalem the capitol of israel. and then when they got into office, they didn't do it. arnold palmer had this idea that
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daily social distancing show. the black lives matter movement has raised a lot of awareness about systemic racism and how everyone can play a part in dismantling it. but some white people still have questions. white people like our very own desi lydic. >> as the black lives matter movement spreads across the world, many much us white people are wondering okay, i've watched all the netflix diseumentaries, how else can i fight racism. luckily for us there is dr. david camp, a racial dialogue expert that teaches white people to be more effective antiracist. basically the white person
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whisperer. >> what are some things white people tend to do wrong. >> oh, sure. >> cross. >> i knew he would be thrilled to hear from me. >> lay, desi. >> hi, dr. camp, how are you? >> well, what are you wearing. >> oh, this, this is a indigenous beganan text tile. >> it looks like a kente cloth, i am just telling you, i am not offended by it but some people might feel like are you just wearing that to, you know, culture appropriation. >> done, it's off, consider it like it never even happened. so st on the floor. that is disrespectful, sorry. where were we? >> we were just checking in since it has been 18, 19 month since i talked to you last. >> the good thing is we just have one of those friendships where you just pick right up where we left off, you know? >> well, i'm not sure we have one of those but how have you been. >> i'm doing okay.
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i have been checking in on all my black friends. >> do you have a lot of black friends. >> oh yeah, yeah, well, i have never counted. but i mean there is trevor, roy, dulce, gentleman beuki. >> you work with all of them, right? >> yes, thr's friends who i also work with. >> how many black friends do you have outside of work. >> well, there is you. >> well, i would be careful because are you not the only white friend that might be calling. a lot of what some people are doing, they are going to their black friends, expecting them to do all the education. and people are tired of doing that. >> i would never-- i would never do that. >> or they're kind of overconcerned and are expecting people to really have a traumatic experience because they're having one. don't start out by you showing emotion and trying to get them to join you in that emotion because they're not holding it the same way you are, and that
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feels weird. >> that would be weird. >> it's just so-- it's just so sad. it's just like, oh my god, i can't even imagine. i didn't think about it this way before. and now. >> pie bad, listen, we're going to let you have this moment by yourself. >> by yourself, girl. >> don't call your black friends crying. >> yes, i see your point now. >> i love your commitment to being an ally but how are you dealing with this, people in your family. >> well, okay, so start off with why are you so [bleep] racist. >> that is a question, what you want to try to do is ask a question that is less dismissal about that about some experience they had. what happened to make you see it that way. >> okay. so like what happened in your
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life can make you such a-- [bleep] racist. >> first the f bomb, i do have one extremely racist relative. if there is one thing i know, he is just not going to change. >> i think the most important is talking to this,-- i can't talk to them, how did you know his name was bivness i think it is important that you make effort before we give up on people. >> one of the ways to elevate, they do mic drops, they make a profile thing, they boom drop the mic, voila and expect the person to just like crumble in their brilliance. that doesn't keep things open for more conversations. >> what can we do to make sure people continue to do this work and that these conversations
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continue to happen. >> well, start talking to your problematic friends and neighbors. what we need y'all to do is to keep the channel open, to really try to move somebody might nake a few conversations so you want to engage. you want to ask questions. you want to find some agreement before you try to invite them to do. people don't like being corrected. they don't mind learning. >> great advice dr. camp, this has been so helpful, i have a white friend that i think would really benefit from your help, i will see if he can join us. hey. >> hey, desi. thanks for reaching out. >> yeah. >> can i not do this again. >> trevor: thank you so much, desi. when we come back i'll be talking to historian eddied glaude are, jr. about james baldwin lesson for america. stick
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hey, kids! welcome to camp tonsafun on xfinity! it's summer camp, but in your living room. learn how to draw with a minions expert... how to build an indoor obstacle course! plus... whatever she's doing. and me, jade catta-preta. the host of e's the soup! camp tonsafun. it's like summer camp, but minus the poison ivy.
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unless you own poison ivy. in which case, why? just say "summer camp" into your xfinity voice remote to join. show. earlier today, i spoke with professor eddie glaude, jr. author of the new york times best seller begin again, james baldwin's america and urgent lesson for our own. >> check it out, professor glaude welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> it's my pleasure. my pleasure. >> trevor: first of all can i say how impressed i am that you are at home but you are rocking that suit like you are in a studio somewhere. it is really impressive. >> you know, if you asked me to stand up it will be a different question but i appreciate that. i appreciate it. >> trevor: people always ask me about the books that are behind me here. and yours have been here almost from the ver beginning, i think. you write about race and you write about america's stories and the stories that tell the south about race, james baldwin
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is notorious for being a writer who wrote and spoke his mind and in many ways tapped into the consciousness of what it means to be black in america. your new book definitelies into his life but his part biography, part analyzing his writing and how it applies to what we're going through today. in all of this time, since those books have been written has anything changed? >> you know, baldwin has this wonderful line, america is always changing but america never changes. there is this sense that the cry is dime you can but there is this ongoing threw line. and this threw line is the value gap, the value gap i mentioned in democracy. and that is dis belief that white people matter more than others and that belief evidences itself in our habits and disposition and practices. and then we tell a whole host of lines to protect that. and so even as we change, you know, having barack obama as the president is not the the same as being in jim crow which is not the same as being enslaved but the through line is white people are valued more than others.
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and so that, that is what baldwin understood. and i think he is our most insightful writer about democracy and race in this country. and i think that is why his work is like ever grained i focus on the latter work, the later writing, and that is what is unsettling a lot of people. >> trevor: this is stuff that was written, so it was out there. but it really seems to unsettle people when you del-of-into baldwin's work and delve into what it means, why do you think it is so unsettling. >> the later baldwin is a baldwin that is trying to come to terms with america's betrayal. most folks say he is bitter, he is angry, his rage overwhelms his art, but baldwin is trying to come to terms that the country is fascinated martin luther king, jr., he collapsed, and tried to commit suicide, failed relationship, the country ask on the road to not only electing richard nixon, you know, but st on the road to electing ronald reagan. and for many people they don't
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understand ronald reagan was at notorious as george wallace for black folks in this country. and so i was interested in baldwin who was trying to make sense about trauma. our pain, our wounds. trying to pick up the pieces in the face of america's betrayal. and here we are in our moment, after barack obama's presidency. and then the vitriol of the tea party. voter suppression and voter i.d. and then we voimented up donald trump and i was trying to deal with my own dispair and disillusionment and turned to him in that moment. >> trevor: was there even a glis of hope in boold win's work, where you looked and thought well that has changed or gotten better or one part of life for a black person in america that has maybe not held up in the text. or is it just pretty much prophetic and at the same time relevant. >> yeah yeah, i found hope, one of the things i was trying to do was how to manage his rage and faith in us. right, how could he be angry and
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still have, hold on to the belief that we could still brd a new jerusalem. and there is this wonderful line he dropped in 1970, he said hope is invented every day. and you know, that idea of hope being invented every day in the context of one having to battle for one's life, having to struggle just to find the space, to smile, the space to just simply imagine that tomorrow could be better. you have to invent hope in that context and if that becomes the precondition for you to join the battle again, even when he em braisessed the anger and rage of black power, he never gave up the question or the claim that it was a moral issue. at its heart, and so at the end of the day, he wants to ensis that we have been true to ourselves, that we tell the truth about what we have done so that we can free ourselves into imagining being together differently. and as an artist and a poet, he tried to make that as clear as
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possible and as powerful and provocative as possible. >> trevor: let me ask you about this, one thing i pick up if baldwin's writing is he oftentimes feels almost guilty that he is living in france for a certain amount of time where he is away from the strife of his fellow black americans. and he acknowledged that he is living a better life as a black american in france. >> what is interesting is i remember black americans who would come to south african, although appear advertise shall did-- apartheid was happening they were subjected to the same-- it is really interesting dynamic where it feels like if black people go to a country where they don't have a history in that country, the people in that country seem to get along with them easier or in a different way. do you think part of it goes back to what baldwin was saying about the blilt and gsh shall guilt and burden of that guilt. that if people don't have to deal with what people have done to other people they can engage in a forward-looking discussion. >> you know, i think baldwin
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baldwin-- malcolm gets murdered and malcolm-- jimmy lee jackson, saw so many of his young friends from howard their eyes darkened. sow wanted to write about all of those who did not survive and those who survive but who were broke. but he needed the space. when i was in hydellburg, i was there for an hour and i saw four white police officers with their knees in the back of a black man who was screaming at the top of his lungs help. i wasn't in heidelberg for an hour. but the thing is that i didn't have to comment on it i didn't have to account for it. right. in some ways i could go back to my flat and breathe. it was like a moment when i was away out of the country i could exhale, you know. because i wasn't their black problem. i was the american passport. and when i was-- i gave lectures
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at the university of the north, when i was there i wasn't there, you know what i mean. i look like-- but i wasn't, how can i put t i wasn't their negro. and so you get this space to breathe. so baldwin would leave the country in order to think more carefully about it. because when you are here, you have to navigate so much of this nonsense. and he left america in 1948 because he said if i don't get out of this country, i am either going to kill somebody are i am going to be killed. so right here on route 1, right here in princeton, new jersey, in lawrenceville, a waitress refused to serve him and he hurled a glass and shattered the glass behind her and then had to run for his life, he knew the rage and anger was consuming him. he was becoming his stepfather. so when he chose paris, he had the space to actually create himself, to will himself into being a writer. sometimes it's all we need is the space to breathe so that we
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can be, man. >> trevor: what is the one thing you hope that they will get from this. if somebody says professor, why would i want to read this become, what is the one thing you hope to give them in this new analysis of baldwin's life? >> i mean at the heart of it is a through line, we have to tell the truth. and be courage raath enough to tell the truth and once we tell the truth about what we have done and who we are we can free ourselves into imagining a different world and imagining ourselves differently. we're shackled by categories, we're shackled by our lives. we're trapped in this-- america thinks of itself as never never land, it's always, you know, we're full of blos boys and girls. we don't want to be responsible and held accountable for anything. so we have to tell the truth and here we are in a moment of moral reckoning where the country can be otherwise. and every single time we try to biv birth to a new nation, the umbilical cord of white supremacy is wrapped around its neck, so we have to tell truth. we have to be truthful and be
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really responsible mid wives, so that we can give birth finally to a new country that is a genuinely multiracial democracy. our history says we're not going to do very well but i have faith because wherever human beings are, again, we have a chance. >> trevor: there is always hope, professor glaude, thank you for joining us on the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: that is our show, before we go i wanted to remind you that america is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage. and because most poll workers are over 60 and covid is still in the air, they are understandably not showing up. but fewer poll workers means that they thr are going to be fewer polling stations open and longer lines that not everybody can afford to stay and wait in especially in underserved communities. the good news is most poll workerring is paid and in some state states you can be as young as 16, if you are interested and have the time, this is your opportunity to say to your granny, protect democracy and
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get paid too. all you have to do is sign up at the link to learn more. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, wash your hands, and remember, never meet with your national security advisor. >> oh, my new door bell. all right, anyway, here it is. your moment of zen. >> how did they find out where i lived. >> part of the night introducing cnn tonight with d lemon right now. >> you look good topt. >> thank you for bringing-- 1987 called to say they like your tie. >> speaking of, no makeup. look, you can see my scar tonight. i'm tired of. >> did you tell them how i did that to you. i said pay for lunch. and you said make me. >> i'm not going to tell anybody you tried to run may over the
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other day, that is okay. >> you don't even know it, you got no. >> love you don lemon. >> i love you as well. >> yes sir, love you more. >> i love you, don lemon. >> i know you do. i will stop telling you because you tell may you love me more than you tell christine. captioning sponsored by comedy central comedy central captioned by >> at least once a year, i like to bring in some of my kevin's famous chili. the trick is to undercook the onions. everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. i'm serious about this stuff. i'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. i toast my own ancho chilies. oh! jesus. it's a recipe passed down from malones for generations. oh! it's probably the thing i do best. [cheerful music]
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♪ >> [clears throat] >> [clears throat] >> someone is returning! he started his own company, and now he's back. who could it be? i'll give you a hint. he is a man. a man you have missed with all your heart. a man who has ruined all other men for you. who is it? >> [whispering] who is it? >> [whispering] who is it? [sudden pound on the paper] [pounding] >> [whispering] it's michael scott. [applause]


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