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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  February 23, 2021 11:00pm-11:44pm PST

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>> oh, your face! oh! >> is-- do the people-- >> no, i'm kidding. no, you're not-- you're not fired. yet. >> oh! >> oh. >> do they not like me, though? >> i don't know, actually. >> okay. >> trevor: hey! what's going on, everybody? i'm trevor noah, this is the daily social distancing show. today is february 23nd, which means it's the last week of black history month, which is why, once again, i've decided to make new black history, by becoming the first black person to lose a dance-off to a white guy. i tried to lose. i really did. you'll get me next time, brice. anyway, on tonight's show: roy wood jr. celebrates black journalists, mean tweets are destroying president biden's cabinet, and the republican party is already hard at work rigging the next election. so let's do this, people! welcome to the daily social distancing show. ♪
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♪ >> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show" with trevor noah. ♪♪♪ >> trevor: let's kick things off with health news. if you're watching this show while you're driving, first of all, don't do that! and second, you may want the to hold your breath for this. >> we all love the new car smell, but according to a new study that scent could be dangerous. researchers found the smell carries in it dangerous carcinogenerals, the measured high levels of a cancer causing particles in the air and dust inside cars, formaldehyde and benzene are used by manufacturers in carpets and leather and paints in cabinets and researchers say drivers with long commutes are most likely at risk. >> trevor: oh, man, come on! why are scientists such kill joys? i mean, just once, i'd like to hear about a new study that says something fun was good for you! but it's always like, oh, puppies give you gonorrhea! that's where i got mine from.
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but, yes, apparently, new car smell is carcinogenic, which, luckily for me, isn't a problem because i haven't been able to smell anything in months. yeah. oh, wait... and, yeah, it really shouldn't come as a surprise that such an unnatural smell is bad for you. you will never find something in a botanical garden that smells like a kia sorento. please, we should be clear, the fact that something emits carcinogens does not mean it causes cancer. the most dangerous thing about driving is still driving. i mean, think about it -- every single person you know has, at some point in their life, tripped while walking up the stairs. everyone has. now put that person in charge of a 4,000 piece of metal going 70 miles an hour. that seems like a bigger problem than a smell that might make you sick in 30 years. now, obviously, people who are driving old cars have nothing to worry about. although, their next visit to the doctor is going to be real
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uncomfortable. the good news is you do not have cancer. the bad news is you're a broke-ass bitch. now, there are treatment options, but lord knows you can't afford any of them, you broke bitch. moving on from new car smells to the man who's still got that new president's smell, joseph range rover biden. biden has nominated one of the most diverse cabinets ever. it's got black people, women, hispanics, native americans and even child robots. first, biden's nominations have to be approved by the senate. and one of biden's lesser known picks has run into some trouble over her itchy twitter fingers. >> consideration of nir ray tanden to lead the office of management and budget is in "jeopardy" after more senators have come out against her. rob portman, susan collins and mitt romney all citing tanden's past tweets criticizing republicans.
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a romney spokesperson called them mean tweets. >> you wrote susan collins is, quote, the worst, that come cotton is a fraud, that vampires have more heart than ted cruz. you called leader mcconnell moscow mitch, and voldemort, and on and on. there are nine pages of tweets about b senator ted cruz for example. >> trevor: read them! read the tweets! read every sing one of those tweets! look, i'm glad to see melania's be best program is finally paying off but if tweeting mean things about ted cruz disqualifies you from serving in government there won't be anyone left to run the country. even mitch mcconnell will be out in the streets, like, ted cruz looks like wolverine after a bad divorce -- send. i resign. it was worth it. maaaa... regardless, though, i will say it is really nice to see that
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republican senators have finally figured out how to read mean tweets because, just six months ago, whenever a reporter asked a republican senator to comment on a trump tweet, they would say they hadn't seen it, then fly out of there! now neera tanden did apologize for her tweets, but i think that was her biggest mistake. if donald trump taught us anything, doubling down on being an asshole is how you earn republicans' president. she should have come into that hearing, like, senator, i never would have called you a sweaty bitch if i had known just how bad you smelled, you smelly-ass, sweaty bitch! i vote to confirm! and finally, the coronavirus vaccine, aka zoom's worst nightmare. for many people, the vaccine is still too hard to get, which is some floridians are really pissed off that their governor
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appears to be playing favorites. >> the vaccine rollout in florida surrounded a new upcontroversy tonight. >> governor ron desantis is accused of playing politics with the coronavirus vaccine. a state covid vaccination site popped up in a wealthy exclusive neighborhood and many florida residents want the governor to keep vaccine distribution fair. listen to governor desantis. >> i tell you what, i wouldn't be complaining, i would be thankful that we're able to do it because, you know what, we didn't need to do this at all. we saw a need, we want to get numbers up for seniors. >> he struck a deal with a republican donor of his who had developed a largely white republican community and a republican elected official. he basically sent additional vaccine to republican voters. >> trevor: okay. i know this sounds bad, but if you ask me, the most hard-core republicans should be vaccinated first. yeah, i said it because think about it, they're the ones going into bars without masks and
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feeding each other mouth to mouth like baby birds. if we vaccinate their asses, it will stop infecting the rest of us. i get people are upset desantis may have given preferential treatment to his supporters, but can you blame the man? if i got extra doses of the vaccine, i would also give them to my friends. maybe the blame should be on all those poor black people who never made the effort to be friends with governor ron desantis, hmm? maybe if you people had taken the time to say hi or ask him how he was doing or donate a million dollars to his campaign, maybe you wouldn't be in this situation. hmm? hmm? but it doesn't really matter what anybody is saying because desantis isn't letting the accusations get to him. in fact, now, he's introducing an even more exclusive vaccine program for his top v.i.p.s. >> hey, florida, looking for the red carpet treatment for your covid vaccine? come on down to ron desantis'
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club vax. cut to the front of the line to get vaccinated. first rate vial service straight to your table. >> with sparklers. >> skip a web site, cone call, the poor people in line. >> you earned this. >> at club vax every night is two or one night. >> it's classy and classist. >> trevor: all the floridians get stopped by the bouncer. >> i wouldn't be complaining, i would be thankful we're able to do it. >> ron desantis club vax putting the play in pay to play. ( horn honks ) >> trevor: moving on to our main story, voting, how america spspeaks to the manager. if you say trevor, i voted in november, the point is not to think about it for another four years. listen up! if you don't pay attention, you might not be able to vote again in four years. >> false fraud claims are now fueling g.o.p. efforts to roll back, to restrict voter access.
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>> 33 state legislatures have roaded 165 bills to restrict voting access since last month. florida restricting vote by mail after nearly 5 million floridians voted that way last year. >> in pennsylvania republicans are trying to roll back mail voting expansions they passed two years ago. in new hampshire, trying to require voartding i.d. for absentee ballots while banning use of student i.s.d. >> one would let overriding of the state certification of the electoral votes. >> if they're not happy, they can change it. >> trevor: republicans saw the record number of people exercising their right to vote and said, yo, that shit cannot happen again. and some of these proposals are reel extreme. this arizona law would let the legislature just override the decision to have the voters. once that happens, what's the point of voting? arizona's going to have to update their stickers. but i get it, i mean, republicans have to make it
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harder to vote so they have a better chance of winning election also. the only other option for them is to change their policies to appeal to a majority of voters, but, come on, that's way too hard. human beings will do whatever they can to avoid changing what they think, and this has been the story of all of human history. people don't like changing their minds. my friends, it appears that there are multiple solar systems, many more than we thought. we have to change everything. huh. yes. or we could just burn you at the stake. oh, come on, guys. so these voter restrictions are popping up all over the country, sort of like th herpesp of demk sill. >> georgia senate passed bills to limit ac tess to the polls. >> a dozen bills making it harder to vote have been introduced in the senate. headline grabbing proposal requiring two copies of
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photoi.d. just to vote by mail. others would end automatic voter registration, the use of ballot drop boxes and no excuse absentee voting. >> one bill would end early in-person voting on sundays, days when black churches have historically held something called souls to the polls drives to turn out their members. >> trevor: mm, mm, mm! ending souls to the polls! whew! maybe you won't have to answer to black voters but you will still have to answer to jesus! that's right, georgia republicans think that if they can ban early voting on sundays, they can kill souls to the polls, which is when black worshipers go vote together right after church. well, the joke's on your, republicans, because one thing you should have learned about black people is they can do church anytime, anyplace. it doesn't even need to be on a sunday. shit, when i was growing up, we went to church monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, we had morning cartoons, but sunday we went double.
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and by the way you've got to learn how racists today have to learn so much about black people just so they can be racist. back in the day they could just say no blacks allowed! now they have to find out what black people do so they can ban that. so now you have racists like no souls to the polls! no one with fresh tims and no one who watches "insecure." well, actually, billy, insecure is not on the air now. i think all the black folk are watching reruns of girlfriends on netflix. we've seen every election. there are lines longer than the ones on don, jr.'s mirror, but one of the new laws proposed would make waiting in those lines even harder. >> there's a part of the bill that prohibits the handing out of food and water to voters. it says that nor shall any person give, offer to give or participate in the giving of any money or gifts, including but not limited to food and drink to an elector. so people who would take water
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to people who were standing for hours in lines, this bill would make that a crime. >> trevor: congratulations, georgia. you finally solved the issue of widespread voter hydration. republicans are ballers. they reduced the voting locations so people would have to weight in line for hours and now want to ban people from giving out food and water to people waiting in line. it's like every year they make it 5% harder to vote. by 2030, the voting line is just going to be an american ninja warrior episode. if you are going to be evil, at least don't be so blatant about it. instead of banning water, republicans should hand out even more water, and then ban port apoties. yeah. now you're evil and clever. now, for the most part, republicans aren't coming right out and sayinging they're passing the laws to stop democrats and minorities from voting. instead they're taking the big lie they used in the last
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election and recycling it to try to win the next one. >> i do believe that voting in this country is a privilege, an- >> it's a right. >> and it's a right as well, but it ought to mean enough where you could put forth a little bit of effort in trying to cast your ballot. we're not taking away anybody's rights, but what we are asking is we want a fair and honest election that doesn't have all the allegations that we had in this past election cycle. >> those allegations, baseless claims of fraud, were promoted by jones, recently stripped of a committee chairmanship following his efforts to undermine the presidential election. >> trevor: that's impressive, man. this guy sails we need new laws to address the bogus voter fraud allegations that he spread. what we have here my friends is a rare real-life instance of a bern smelting and dealing it. for real, this is ridiculous. if you're going to make up evidence out of thin air and use it against black people, you should not be a lawmaker.
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you go join the police. that's the situation. republicans are trying to change the rules to make it easier for them to win elections. and people who are concerned about that basically have two choices -- one, you can make sure that these restrictions do not get passed, or you can get your ass in liner right now for election day 2022. oh, and you might want to make sure you bring your own water. when we come back, roy wood, jr. is back with another episode of "cp time," celebrating america's great black journalists. don't go away. ok guys, microsoft surface pro7 and the macbook pro. surface comes with a pen, and touchscreen. mac gave me this little bar, but just give me a whole touchscreen. surface pro has a detachable keyboard. then there's the price. yeah.
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"the daily social distancing show." february, as you know, is black history month, and we're celebrating all month long with roy wood, jr., honoring the unsung heroes of black history in another episode of "cp time." ♪♪♪ >> au, well, hello. and welcome to "cp time," the only show that's for the culture. today, we'll be discussing black journalists. when you think of black journalists you think of lester holt from nbc or the great gwen eiffel from pps or al roker's ledge dairp visit to the white house, the first black man to ever shot in the white house. >> as i'm walking to the press room, i've got to pass a little gas, only a little something extra came out. >> al roker is the jackie
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robinson of going 'do 'do in his drawers. but american history is filled with legendary black journalists whose work have been overlooked, journalists like marvel cook who, in 1928, became the first female journalist at the new york amsterdam news. back then a black woman writing for a newspaper was like an intelligent debate on facebook, it just doesn't happen. but cook used her blackness to her advantage. working undercover and reporting on issues that her white male colleagues would not, like abusive working conditions for domestic workers in the bronx. cook once even went undercover as a prostitute. and her courage and commitment to the job inspired me to do the same. as i also went undercover as a prostitute, in my three-part youtube documentary, nobody wants to hit this, currently sitting at 13 views, and
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counting. another notable black journalist was max robinson. max robinson in 1978 became the first african-american to co-anchor a network news broadcast. robinson's smooth baratone was so compelling that a racist news station once hired him to read the news with the screen blocking his face. imagine having a voice so irresistible that even racists say, you ain't touching my daughters, but you can penetrate my ears all you want. now, despite facing discrimination, robinson became a success, and he did it in style. legend has it that robinson once showed up to cover a fire in los angeles while wearing a fur coat. that's like wearing a fish net vest to a funeral. which is also something i did in my three-part youtube documentary "nobody wants to hit
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this." the "new york times" called it pitiful. bitches. and, finally, zernona clayton, who was the first black woman to host a tv show in the south, opening the door for future black women television hosts like oprah winfrey, tam ron hall, and wendy williams, who i will not say anything bad about because i'm not trying to get dragged by wendy. how you doin'? from early on, it was clear that zernona clayton was capable of greatness. before hosting her show, zernona would meet with a kkk grand dragon every day to debate him, kind of like a real live twitter beef. but unlike twitter, xernona convinced the grand dragon to
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change his mind, leave the hate group and denounce them entirely. it was an amazing conversation and a win-win for the klansman. he was able to stop wasting his life on racism and now he's got an extra pair of bedsheets with a couple of fun holes. well, that's all the time we have today. i'm roy wood, jr., and this has been "cp time." remember, we're for the culture. you know what, speaking of my documentary, maybe it's time i upload some of that extended footage. i've got this clip where i'm wearing some chaps and -- i'm up to 15 views! i'm going viral! >> trevor: thank you so much for that, roy. when we come back, i'll be talking with humanitarian hugh evans ability his plan to end the pandemic for the entire planet. what? oooh! you don't want to miss it.
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lately i just haven't been feeling quite like myself. there's gotta be a way to get back.
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daily social distancing show." >> thank you so much, trevor. >> trevor: global citizen is known as an organization that is always fighting against the worst ills within society. for those who don't know. before we get into it, what is global citizen? what are you doing and what does your organization mean? >> global citizen is a worldwide movement committed to the eradication of extreme poverty by 2030, and we're really a membership organization. we have over 11 million members around the world, and they take action and call on governments to make multi-billion-dollar pledges to help eradicate extreme poverty within our lifetime, so they might pledge towards global health or global education, and we hold the world leaders accountable to make sure they follow through on the pledge also and ultimately those living in extreme poverty benefit most. >> trevor: there is a lot of money global citizen help raise and a lot of lives you impact but 2020 has been a year where everything shut down especially
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global citizen's huge events you used to host to get people moving forty. talk me through what your plans are for 2021 if people can't be outside in big groups together raising awareness and pushing action. >> yeah, so last year, immediately after the pandemic struck, we got a phone call from the head of the w.h.o., and he said he wanted global citizen to work with him and the w.h.o. to raise urgent funding to provide personal protective equipment for front line community health workers. we partnered with lady gaga and the w.h.o. and launched a campaign called one world together at home. it ended up being broadcast all over the world and raised $127.9 million to provide the frontline workers. i'm proudly to tell you today that 100% of that money is being fully dispersed and providing p.p.e. to community health workers all over the world now. but then in response to that, we know that right now a bigger
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challenge has emerged and that's the challenge of getting a vaccine to everyone on the planet because, immediately after one world together at home, we partnered with the european commission and hosted a new campaign calling on the g e7 nations to step up and provide urgent funding to help fund the development of a vaccine. we were amazed because all seven of the g7 leaders pledged a total of $1.5 billion that went to fund both the oxford astrazeneca vaccine as well as the moderna vaccines. in light of that, we now know that we have such a huge job ahead of us. so earlier this morning, global citizen ambassador hugh jackman and artist bill bi billie eilise head of the european union and the president of south africa joined us to launch what we've called the global citizen recovery plan for the world. this is five points designed to
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really put the world back on track to tackle it and recovery better together so that's the strategy for the year ahead. >> trevor: it seems like a monumental task. global citizen is having a conversation that some people aren't ready to have because of where developed nations are, and that conversation is what else going to be happening to developing nations, poorer country who don't have the money for the vaccines, who may not have the infrastructure to roll out the vaccines because many countries are saying, hey, i know african countries will need the vaccine and all over asia, but americans don't even have the vaccine. so when you're having conversations getting leaders to commit portions of their vaccines to poorer countries, how do you balance that out with the people in the countries who are saying we need the vaccines, how can we be committing our vaccines to some of the other people? >> i think we've all seen this with the new variants emerging of covid 19, this truly is a global challenge, because you could get vaccinated tomorrow or
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your grandma or mom or cousin, but if a new variant emerges from somewhere in the world that's entirely vaccine resistant, what good is it? your vaccine will become redundant. so even if you're entirely selfish and don't care about others, it's in your own self-interest to care because it's a global challenge. that's the case we're making to world leaders and amazingly people are stepping up. president macron announced yesterday he wanted to donate 5% of their vaccine load to help community workers in the poorest nations. this morning another world leader endorsed it and other leaders are endorsing it. this is a global challenge. these vaccines whether moderna or pfizer, they were funded with public money, so they're actually a public good. so that's why it's not just about us, you know, acting as a gesture of charity, this truly is an act of equity and an act of justice to make sure that we actually can end the pandemic
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for everyone everywhere. >> trevor: there's no denying some of the parallels here between the covid 19 vaccine and anti-retrovirals for hiv/aids. you know, there was a time when the medical community had developed all of these anti-retrovirals and people were excited because they're, like, we can finally fight hiv/aids but the poorer countries decimated the most couldn't afford the amount of that drug that you needed and people couldn't afford to buy it. in the conversations you're having with the drug companies are they stepping up and saying, yes, we will provide cheaper versions or this at a cheaper cost to developing nations? >> currently both johnson & johnson and astrazeneca are providing nonprofit rates for their vaccines, but other drug companies such as moderna are simply too expensive now. if you speak to some of the leading advocates across south africa working hard to make sure that the supply chains reach the continent, they're extremely frustrated now by the slope
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pace. as you said, it has so many parallels dating back to '90s when hiv/aids was ravaging across south africa and anti-retroviral drugs were available in the west but took years and sometimes decades to reach the poorist nations. right now there are literally 130 countries who have not received a single vaccine. and, so, even if we think, okay, great, my summer will open up, i'll have a vaccine, and i can get back to life as normal, it's just not the case because a new variant will emerge from somewhere on the planet, and that will become ultimately eventually vaccine resistant and you will have to start the process all over again. that's why we have to act as a global community. even if we're entirely inherently nationalistic, we have to do it for the sake of everyone. >> trevor: you have thrown what i would argue are some of the greatest, biggest, best concerts and, i guess -- i mean, it is for charity, it is for a good cause, it is to help people out, but, man, those parties are
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amazing. in south africa, for instance, you had jay-z and beyonce headlining a show. ed sheeran was performing with beyonce on stage. you had some of the biggest acts. the question is what are you preparing for after the pandemic ends. what's a mega concert to celebrate the fact that the world is going back to normal? have you thought about what that's going to be and how am i going to be involved? >> first, you did an extraordinary job in south africa. >> trevor: thank you. you didn't even have to bring that up. thank you, man. >> i mean it, you were amazing. yes, it was amazing to have beyonce and jay-z there, but the fact that you as a native south african were able to host them in your own country was absolutely brilliant, and our plan for this year is once we drive home this five-point recovery plan for the planet, once we start to see progress on ending covid 19 and the focus of health, education, the environment and equity, once the other points start to become
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online, this september, it is our dream to unit the whole planet with global citizen live all over the world, so that's our goal. we know that there's a long way to go to achieve that, and that's why we're doubling down this may. it's our plan to bring the whole world, as early as may of this year, to focus on two issues -- one, vaccine acceptance, but two, equity. because as you said earlier, you know, even if -- you know, this has so many parallels to hiv/aids. >> trevor: right. >> if you make sure like with polio that we can eradicate this disease super quickly and it's going to require 2 million doses being made available to the poorest nations this year. and to put that into some perspective because it might seen like a lot, if we just right now allocated half of 1% of all the doses the g7 have already secured, that's enough to vaccinate every community health worker across south africa. so it's not a lot. this is something we can all do. yes, we need pharmaceutical
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companies to provide the nonprofit pricing we talked about earlier, but one other opportunity i wanted to share with you, this friday, the g20 are meeting and will be making a decision about whether to unlock $500 billion in new financing through an i.m.f. special purpose vehicle. this is one of those rare opportunities like what happened with the financial crisis where the whole world can act as one and unlock new financing to end covid 19. so we want the u.s. government to step up, we want all of the g20 to step up and make this available, because this will benefit the continent the most. >> trevor: well, it will be exciting to see what you get up to. congratulations on all the work you've done so far. hopefully the next time i see you we will be crowd surfing at another beyonce concert. >> thank you, trevor, for everything. you're amazing. >> trevor: thank you, take care. for more information on global citizen recovery for the world check out the the web site trevr
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show for tonight, but before we go, texas needs our help. the blackout right now isn't just causing power and heating failures, it's causing food insecurity all over the state. one organization on the ground is houston food bank. they're leading hunger relief in 18 southeast texas counties. if you can help them out, please donate to the link below. until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, wear a mask, and remember to please be nice to ron desantis, it could save your life. now, here it is -- your moment of zen. ♪♪♪
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