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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  March 3, 2021 11:00pm-11:44pm PST

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ab onto it it's just for you ♪ ♪ give a little squeeze and say "how do ya do" ♪ >> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody? i'm trevor noah, and this is "the daily social distancing show." today is march 3rd, which means it's still the first week of women's history month! it's a great time to celebrate the achievements of women, and also a very traumatic month for glass ceilings, who have to re-live all the times they've been shattered. so, please, if you see a glass ceiling somewhere, please give them a hug. anyway, on tonight's show: a look at the debate to raise the minimum wage, we discover the best new streaming service, and texas is open for corona! i mean business. open for business! so let's do this, people! welcome to "the daily social
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distancing show." >> announcer: from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show," with trevor noah. >> trevor: let's kick things off with the coronavirus pandemic, which at this point is a lot like "grey's anatomy": a lot of people think over when it's still very much with us. after dropping for two weeks, new infections are ticking up again, and it's a real race to see whether the vaccines will take hold before the new variants take us out, which is why even as we enter the home stretch, it's important to mask up and keep out of crowds and not to do whatever this is. >> there is a lot of concern this morning that some states are rushing to open too soon. >> defying the c.d.c., the governors in texas and mississippi declaring they're back in business, eliminating mask mandates and allowing all
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retailers to open at 100% capacity. states like massachusetts, pennsylvania, and kentucky also easing restrictions, allowing larger crowds in smaller venues. restaurants, high school proms, even las vegas pool parties are set to reopen with fewer mandates. >> wedding receptions, now they can return to new york in just a few weeks, but there's going to be some rules as to how you hit the dance floor. >> new york state promising to enforce dance zones when wedding receptions resume on march 15. under the rules, each dance zone is supposed to be a minimum of 36 square feet. guests can share a dance zone only with other people from their table and members of their household or family. >> trevor: hold up, hold up, hold up. so if you go to a wedding in new york, you can only dance with your own family in your own "dance zone?" that is a terrible idea! and i would hate to be the
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wedding d.j. who has to enforce that rule and try to keep things fun. "awright, take it back now, ya'll. slide to the right. ( angry ) too far! slide to the left, or i'll light your ass up! stay in your zone! so this is a weird rule, but still, it's good to know that governor cuomo has finally learned the importance of social distancing at weddings. but here's the real question for me: why are things reopening all of a sudden? corona is not over yet! texas is still getting over 7,000 new cases a day, but their governor got vaccinated and now he's like, "get those clubs back open. i'mma get lit!" and i can even understand wanting to open businesses back up because of the economy, but people, lifting mask mandates makes no sense at all. no sense. like. i'm as sick of corona as anybody, but this is not the time to ease up on masking.
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we're so close to the end of the pandemic, why are these governors letting their guard down? what a great story about a tortoise who took a refreshing nap. but let's move on to the president of the united states: donald j. trump. oh, i'm sorry. you think joe biden was inaugurated in january, sheeple? well, maybe you've been reading the wrong internet message boards. and you're going to find out the truth tomorrow! >> the f.b.i. is warning of extremist chatter, and specifically that there could be another attack on the u.s. capitol tomorrow. >> qanon followers are at it again. they have grasped on to another impossible theory. >> trump will take office as the 19th president of the united states on march 4, >> they believe in an old inauguration date in place before the passage of the 20th amendment. it changed from march 4 to january 20 only in 1933. >> the trump hotel has nearly tripled its rates, with rooms now going for about $1,300 ao3 night both today and for
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tomorrow. >> trevor: oh, man, what a grift. honestly, i don't even blame trump. if i was him, i would milk the shit out of this thing. i'd be charging my guests for shit they didn't even buy. ( hotel guest ) "wait a minute, i never bought a toblerone." ( trump ) "i guess the dems stole that, too. i feel your pain." and these qanon people have no one to blame but themselves at this point. i mean, they've been proven wrong time and time again, but they just keep moving trump's "inauguration day" a little further back. and in a way, i understand: the deeper you fall into something, the less you want to admit you were duped, which makes you even more desperate to keep the fantasy going. i mean, that's why i'm sure the next kanye album is going to be great again. it has to be. in the meantime, though, it looks like washington will have to prepare for more riots.
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i mean, they might just end up becoming part of the d.c. experience. "you guys just missed the 2:00 insurrection, but stick around, but the 4:30 p.m. will be starting shortly so stick around. and just remember, do not feed upon capitol rioters, okay." and, finally, amazon: the only place you can get a monthly subscription of refrigerators. we all use amazon every day, i mean, except me. i only shop at my local independent bookstore, so important. but people who do use amazon might have noticed something a little different the last time they went on open the app on their phone. >> amazon has changed its new app logo after critics claimed it resembled hitler's facial features. at issue was the blue tape above the smiling arrow. critics said the icon looked like hitler's mustache. the company has now tweaked the image so the tape is folded, not rigid. >> trevor: wow, first dr. seuss, and now adolf hitler. cancel culture is getting out of control. come on, people!
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this was obviously an innocent mistake. you should give amazon's graphic designer a break, because he's probably not allowed one on his shift. and to be fair to amazon, everything looks like hitler. i mean, there are cats that look like hitler, fish that look like hitler, houses that look like hitler. there was this super old guy i met in argentina last year who looked a lot like hitler... oh, wait a second-- if we're going to go after app logos that make you uncomfortable, you know who we should be going after? instagram. everytime i tap it, i feel like i'm sticking my finger in a robot's butthole. tell me you never noticed that! tell me you never noticed the same thing! but let's move on to our main story. one of president biden's top priorities in his first month in office has been passing a coronavirus relief bill, which makes sense. i mean, people spent an entire year having to smell their own breaths. the least they can get in return is some compensation.
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unfortunately, though, to actually get the bill passed, he needs the support of the united states senate, and they're about as supportive as a youtube comments section. just today, biden announced a new income limit on who will be getting those $1,400 checks, because moderate democrats objected to the cost of the bill. and that's after one of the most popular pieces of the bill has already been stripped out. >> president biden's bid to double the federal minimum wage apparently will not be part of his covid relief package. >> democrats planned to pass the president's plan through a budget process called reconciliation. that allows democrats to pass a big package in the senate with a simple majority, but the tradeoff is that the bill can only involve taxing and spending. the nonpartisan senate parliamentarian, elizabeth macdonough, decided the minimum wage provision didn't meet that standard. >> that means it is going to be impossible for senators, the democratic senators here to pass that bill through the senate, because there are certainly not the 60 votes necessary to do it as part of that package.
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>> trevor: damn, who knew accomplishing nothing could be so complicated. but, yeah, apparently, thanks to the rules of the senate and the ruling of the senate parliamentarian, the stimulus bill can no longer contain a raise in the minimum wage. and if you're wondering what a senate parliamentarian even is, well, they're basically the loser who actually reads all the monopoly directions before the game starts. and because of that, they can block the legislation. it's just kind of weird that america goes through this whole election, this four-year long process-- "who is it going to be? we're debating. it's a contest to choose everyone who makes the laws." and then there's this one unelected person who can overrule them all. i don't remember abraham lincoln saying, "this is a government of the people, by the people and for the people... as long as it's cool with liz." yes, liz." so why is there such a bitter fight over the federal minimum wage? well, you're about to find out
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in our brand-new segment, "let's get fiscal." ♪ ♪ ♪ a federal minimum wage is not a new idea in the united states. in fact, america has had one since 1938, when all workers were guaranteed 25 cents an hour. it was a guarantee that no matter how menial a job you had, you could always afford to play a round of "street fighter 2." the problem is that while a lot has changed since then, the minimum wage hasn't changed as much as you might think. >> this is a chart of the minimum wage in the united states over the past 60 years. you can see how it's gone up and up and up from from $1 an hour in 1960 to $7.25 today. if you take the same line but adjust it for inflation, you'll see the problem. every time the minimum wage has been raised, inflation has dragged it right back down. really, america's minimum wage hasn't gone up. it's essentially stayed the same
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since the 80s >> the current federal minimum wage hasn't moved since 2009. its the longest time the country has gone without raising the minimum wage. >> look at this. to feed a family of four for a week in 2009, you'd have to work 17 hours on minimum age. now it's 20 hours. to pay your monthly rent, 116 hours back in '09, 151 hours in 2019. and to pay a year of medical bills, you'd have to work 285 more hours in 2019 than you had to work in 2009. >> trevor: yeah, that's right, the minimum wage hasn't been raised since 2009. and when you account for inflation, it actually hasn't gone up since the 1980s. i mean, think about that. the last time the minimum wage had really been raised, we were all out on the streets doing pantsula! i mean, that was what we were doing in south africa. the 80s didn't just happen in
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america, you know. and while the minimum wage has remained stagnant, the prices of everything from rent to health care have gone way up. so if working a minimum-wage job in 1989 could pay for a heart transplant, now all you can afford is having one of those candy hearts taped to your chest. and even then, you have to buy it on credit. now, raising the minimum wage is an extremely popular idea, and 59% of americans think it should be at least $15 an hour. but in conservative circles, a lot of people think that some workers simply don't need any more money. >> it's not just about who's starving and who's not. it's about-- the minimum wage is designed as a first rung on the ladder to get people in the workplace and then up. >> it was never designed for someone to feed a family on. it was never designed to be a 40-hour-a-week wage. >> my nephew here in cleveland, ohio, right now, he is working an $8- or $10-an-hour landscaping job for the summer. that is not a living wage, but it shouldn't be.
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it should-- it should motivate him to keep going after something more. >> my grandson works at mcdonald's for minimum wage in arizona. he doesn't need to make $15 an hour. the wage in place for entry-level employees is so that they can get a job. if you are supporting a family of four, you definitely shouldn't be working a minimum wage job. >> trevor: here's the thing: opponents of a minimum wage increases can pretend that the only people working these jobs are 16-year-olds just trying to save up for a bag of weed that's actually oregano. but the truth is half of the people who'd benefit from a minimum-wage increase are between the ages of 25 and 54, and over a quarter of them have children. i mean, it would be nice if only teenagers had to work these jobs, just like it would nice if teenagers were the only ones who ran away from home when life got too tough, but that's just not reality. and you'd think this would be easy for politicians to understand. but the problem is a lot of them just aren't looking at the data. instead, they're reminiscing about how things were when they last worked a minimum-wage job.
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>> growing up in a small town, i worked for less than the minimum wage. i started busing tables at $1 an hour. i went up to 2.25 when they moved me up in the place, and then i finally made it to cook, which was big time. that was 6 bucks an hour. >> my first job was also working for minimum wage, at a cell barn, $1.60 an hour, in 1976. that's right, i was scooping cow manure for $1.60 an hour. but within a month's time, i'd worked myself up. i got a dime raise. i worked with about 15 other high school classmates through high school and junior college. it helped me not have any debt when i finished college, as well. >> trevor: ( senator ) "yeah, i used to work minimum wage shoveling shit, and now look at me: i get a senator's salary for shoveling shit!" the irony is that, without realizing it, these guys are making a great case for raising the minimum wage. if the minimum wage these
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senators earned back in the day had kept pace with inflation, it would be way higher than the $7.25 that it is now. and it's great that senator marshall left college debt free, thanks to his cow-poop side hustle, but that's because back when he graduated, his college cost $900 a year. that's what these old dudes don't realize: when they tell these stories about "i had to walk 10 miles from my house," all young people today think is, "god damn, you could afford a house? man, that's balling." so despite how some people think of the minimum wage, many adults do need to live on it, which is not to say that raising it is a magic bullet because it does have some downsize. >> congressional budget office finds raising the federal minimum wage would pull 900,000 people out of poverty and give about 27 million workers a raise, 27 million. but it comes at a cost.
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the c.b.o. says that increase would cost 1.4 million jobs and raise the federal deficit by $54 billion, over a decade. so, there's a trade-off here. >> trevor: that's right, if the c.b.o. projections are correct, then raising the minimum wage to $15 an hour would help millions of people, but it would also mean fewer jobs overall. so you can't ignore that there may be some trade-offs here, but then again, that's the case with all policies. i mean, if you ban assault rifles, it'll save lives, but then don jr. would have nothing to pose with to let people know how big his penis is. so, look, there is nuance there. but if you ask me, if a job can't exist unless it pays unsustainable wages, then maybe that job shouldn't exist. like, maybe america should find another way to help the people losing those jobs, or the businesses who need those jobs. but america needs to do something about the minimum wage, because the solution can't be maintaining the current situation where you work full
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time and still can't make ends meet. i mean, if that's allowed to continue, america will be in such deep shit, that even a senator couldn't shovel out of it. all right, when we come back, roy wood jr. reveals the hot new streaming service you gotta sign up for. so stick around. the 5g google pixel is amazing at streaming videos. for example, take this stream here. see how smooth it is? just a smoooooth 5g stream.
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(vo) ideas exist inside you, electrify you. with any handcrafted burger. they grow from our imagination, but they can't be held back. they want to be set free. to make the world more responsible, and even more incredible. ideas start the future, just like that. daily social distancing show." television: it's radio, but for your eyes. and with all the new streaming services now, there's more television than ever. we had netflix and hulu and amazon, and then just last year, they launched hbo max and disney+. now discovery+ just launched. at this point, i wouldn't be surprised if soon the weather channel starts a streaming channel. ( announcer ) "check out our new reality show, where we make a hurricane and a
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tornado live in the same house. spoiler alert: they don't get along." and i'm proud to announce, tomorrow we will launch paramount+, the streaming service where you can watch all-new episodes of "the daily show," along with "camp carell" and "90 day fiancee"! no, not "90 day fiancee"? oh, okay... but we do have every indian cricket game. so sign up for paramount+ today! now, if you're wondering how you can possibly afford all of these streaming services, well, then leo deblin has just the service for you. >> are you paying too much for streaming services-- netflix, hulou, disney+. your tv is making more money than you. get ready for movie night, because leo's going to make it
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right. introducing leleo deblin streaming plus-plus, where you can watch every streaming service all in one place. you just facetime me and i hold my phone up to the tv. >> this whole comedian thung was all a ruse to get on the television today. >> we've got paramount+, apple, amazon prime, hbo max, pecot, epic, starz, acon, ifc, sundance, stage, boomerang-- every service that any of my exwives got a log-in for. although sharing just passed. and we're streaming plus-plus, you'll get access to my extensive video library. i do the "diehard 2" on vhs, with the beginning taped oaf from my cousin's bachelor party in 2003. >> ow! stripper stepped on my toes! >> and if you can't afford the
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premium package, you can subscribe to streaming-minus, where i just tell you what happened on the show. so then linda tried to use the tangy lemon glaze, but it made the crust soggy, and she was out of there. so say good-bye to jeff basisose and walter hulou, and say hello to leo deblin's streaming plus-plus. it's $85. you can get that from your momma ♪ leo deblin streaming ♪ ♪ leo deblin streaming plus-plus >> >> trevor: all right, when we come back, kellie marie tran talks to me about her journey to
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t-mobile is upgrading its network at a record pace. we were the first to bring 5g nationwide. and now that sprint is a part of t-mobile we're turning up the speed. upgrading over a thousand towers a month with ultra capacity 5g. to bring speeds as fast as wifi to cities and towns across america. and we're adding more every week. coverage and speed. who says you can't have it all? this beer looks just like... beer. but what if we told you its recipe is over a hundred years old. created in mexico by a german brewmaster. it's not just any beer now, is it? dos equis, a most interesting beer. today we have the microsoft surface pro7 and the macbook pro. any beer now, is it? the surface comes with a pen, and it is touchscreen. mac gave me this little bar, but why can't they just give me a whole touchscreen? the surface pro has a detachable keyboard.
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now with the mac, you're kind of just stuck with what you got. about the surface, yes you can run your favorite apps on it. it has the power to run all your apps. it is a much better gaming device. i love my games. then there's the price. yeah. imagine yourself in a new toyota. ♪♪ yeah. ♪♪ yeah. ♪♪ with great deals, get ready to turn your dreams into reality. what makes an amazing deal even better? how about that every new toyota comes with toyotacare, a two-year or 25,000 mile no-cost maintenance plan with roadside assistance? ready, set, go get your toyota today. toyota. let's go places. (noises) want to try some of my mountain dew zero sugar? try. it is tasty. and just as good as the original without any sugar. but be careful. gizmo careful. ahhh! (screams)
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♪ daily social distancing show." earlier today, i spoke with actor kelly marie tran. we talked about going from "star wars" to portraying disney's first southeast asian princess in "raya and the last dragon." kellie marie tran, welcome to "the daily social distancing show." ( laughs ) oh, my gosh! i'm so excited to be here. >> trevor: thank you so much. the last time we spoke, we were talking about, like, the journey that you had had, you know,
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being part of "star wars" being the face of what many felt like was bullying online. wsince then your life seems to e really peachy. before we talk about making a new disney movie, i want to know as one of the few who is doing it. what is the world when there is no social media? >> it's amazing. i mean, okay, i will say this: i do have, like, a lurker account because i want to know what's going on in the news. but not having to constantly be sort of publicly on it is the best thing i've ever done for my mental health, i will say that, yeah. >> trevor: so you're saying you don't wake up every day with people just telling you that they hate you. this is not a thing that you do. do ( laughs ) >> no, no, that's not a thing that i do. >> trevor: wow. >> no. >> trevor: i don't know what that's like. i wake up every morning and i check and i'm like, "yup, they're stlil."
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and then i start my day. >> well, now i feel like i'm going to use my lurker account just to be like, "we love you! we love you." >> trevor: no, don't do that. i like the haters. i go at least they see me. they see me. you've had an amazing journey. i mean, not being-- it's not just one, not two, not three, but it's going to be like, what, four disney movies? you're just like the disney darling right now, it feels like. the movie is "raya and the last dragon." tell me a little bit about the story. i watched it all, but i don't want to spoil anything for people. >> so it is about a young girl named raya who is technically a princess, but i think what's really cool about this movie is that we're really sort of flipping the narrative on what a princess is. she's actually really a warrior. and she comes into the world and sort of has this really idealistic way of viewing the world, and then the world breaks apart. and them she starts really distrusting anyone. the whole movie is sort of her journey on figuring out how to find the good in the world again and figuring out how to trust
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people again. >> trevor: the whole story is about how the world was working, and then everybody started believing in order for them to succeed, other people had to fail, and that's when the world starts falling apart. and that feels like that's the world we're living in today. what's also cool is we live in a world where everybody who is generally not white gets put into, like, one category. with asian, it's just like asian. we're done. but what's cool about the movie is it's like, no, it sort of tells the story of real life. hey, this is not a monolith. this is not homogenous. obviously, this story takes place with a south asian perspective but it is still a story about all different people coming from the asian sphere. >> there was so much research done to make sure this specific part of the world was honored in a really authentic way. so to be able to be part of that and to be able, like you said, to sort of shine a spotlight on all these really specific things. like, not only are we talking about the spask fabrics, the different tribes, but the type
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of martial arts that you're seeing depicted is specifically from this region of the world and the food and it goes on and on and on. to be able to be a part of that and realize how important it was. disney made me really happy as someone who was starved to see herself as a kid. >> trevor: right. when i was watching the movie, i was thinking, it's so amazing like in this film disney hit on the perfect notes. the costumes are phenomenal. the acting is amazing. like, the landscapes that we get to see of all the different places and the cultures. and then you have dragons on top of that. >> we love dragons. >> trevor: right. it feels like the perfect combination of everything. but you made the movie in less-than-perfect circumstances. i mean, everybody was in, like, remote locations. everybody-- where were you recording your parts? because i don't think everybody was together, right? >> no, i actually-- yeah, i really didn't get to interact with awkwafina at all until we started doing press over zoom. >> trevor: wow. >> yeah, we were all completely
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isolated. i was working out of my boyfriend's apartment, and we basically taped sound blankets to the wall. >> trevor: wow! >> it was not glamorous ( laughs ) like it was just a makeshift fort in his bedroom. and that's where the majority of this movie was recorded. >> trevor: did you-- did you ever have those moments -- because i know i have doing stuff at home-- where you're trying to be really serious, you're in the zones, and there's a post mate or ubereats delivery. have you had any of those while filming "raya?" >> fully, yeah. deliveries, and also just the sounds of construction outside, or the internet cutting out. yeah. yeah. and, also, like, voiceover is so weird because you have to do all these grunting no noises and screams noises. >> trevor: yes, yes. >> i still live in an apartment. so i'm like my neighbors probably think i'm getting murdered or doing some crazy stuff, just doing all these crazy grunting fight sounds and screaming "no!"
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at the top of my lungs 10 times this a row. >> trevor: when you do this, do you stand there stoic or do you try to do the movies as well in the room? >> okay, so i fully, originally, always try to do the moves. there's a scene at the end of the movie-- i don't want to spoil too much. it's a very big-- she's got a sword and she's like-- and i'm fully behind the microphone stabbing around me. and then i would get in trouble, because i would move too far from the mic. so then i'd have to make sure i was here and be, like, doing this. ( laughter ). >> trevor: yeah, yeah, yeah! >> hilarious. >> trevor: the movie, i feel, comes at a perfect time for-- i mean, a number of reasons. one, we're all stuck at home. it's amawzing to see, like, blofted buster movie and get to enjoy them at home. two, it's a beautiful film. and people love disney movies. but it's also the timing of who the movie is about. right now the asian community in america is facing one of its toughest times where hate crimes are just skyrocketing.
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many prominent agents in hollywood saying, "hey, we need to fight against this. everybody needs to■ç step up." and i have seen people on social media saying let's work together to do this. what do you think the significance of a movie like this is for kids and for people who just watch movies and might have a subconscious understanding of what they're seeing. >> exactly what you said. when you mach a movie like this, you cannot control the environment in which it's going to be released in. you have no idea what world you're releasing into. to be able to be a part of this movie right now when the news is-- because i'm lurking on the internet. it's a constant barrage of attack after attack, and i know for me, like, i just really hope that this is a moment where we can come together as a community and really recognize the pride and the joy that comes with celebrating where we're from. you know, we live in a world telling us we need to be afraid, and we need to hide and we have to be ashamed. and to be part of this movie that is so clearly celebrating
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instead of hiding feels like such a proud moment for me. and i hope that it's one that the community can celebrate. >> trevor: there's also another community that will set bright it on top of of that and that will be women and little girls everywhere. i mean, one thing people have always said about disney movies-- and disney themselveses have made fun of it, is where the princess is always helpless and waiting to get rescued. and you watch this movie and it's just like, no, people are just kicking ass, all different types of women, all these princesses as we know them. no, these are warriors who just happen to be the daughter of the ruler. >> yeah, which i am so stoked about. i think something that was really important to me coming into this-- and also really important to disney as well-- is we really are really trying to change that narrative. like, what do people think when they think of the word "princess?" what do people think when they think of the word ""hero." and they see raya and all these other characters and i think they're broadening the idea of
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what instinctively what people think when they think of those words and it's so cool to be part of that change. >> trevor: you're going to be carrying your life on now. you're going to be lurking on line. what advice do you give to young people out there who feel like they have to be on social media to stay connected with their world, but also search with the enduring abuse that might come their way. >> yeah, i think it's a decision everyone needs to make on their own individually. but i will also say there are boundary thawks set for yourself, whether that's making sure that certain words, if comments are being left on your public page, that those don't get through. or-- we've had all these documentaries talking about the addictive nature of social media and what it is doing to change our brains. we can decide what's a healthy time limit to make sure we engage with our community and being active members of our society but not doing that at the expense of our own mental health.
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i think it's a good conversation for us to be having at all, because it feels like, for a lot of people, it's almost an expectation without a discussion. so to be able to have the discussion with yourself and with your friends and the people around you, like, how can i do this productively but also make sure i am mentally in a place where i'm happy? these are good conversations to have. >> trevor: most definitely. good conversations to have, and a good mental space to be in. kellie marie tran, thank you so much for joining me on the show. and congratulations again. >> thank you! >> trevor: "raya and the last dragon" will be in theaters and on disney+ with premier access starting on march 5. okay, we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. that's our shor
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tonight, but before we go: march is women's history month,
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so please consider supporting an organization called "she should run." it's a non-partisan non-profit working to increase the number of women who are considering a run for public office. now, by supporting "she should run," you are helping women from all political leanings, ethnicities, sexual identities, and backgrounds to see themselves as future candidates. so if you are able to, go to the link below to donate what you can. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, wear a mask, and remember: the only person stopping you from achieving your dreams is you, and the senate parliamentarian. but mostly you. now, here it is, your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> in a dimension between left and right, between space lasers and birtherrism, lies a dimension of the imagination. it's an area we call "the marjorie zone." >> while we're talking about voter suppression and long lines, i'd like to point out that there's real voter suppression that happens right here in congress. many members of congress have to
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stand in long lines to enter the chamber, going through metal detectors, emptying our pockets and being treated very disrespectfully. so that is real voter suppression, and it's a shame that it happens right here on the house floor. ♪ ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ ♪ headed on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ [♪ mumbling] ♪ so come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - come on, throw the football, ike! - [babbles] - dude, you're not gonna believe what cartman has! - hepatitis "b"? - no, dickhole.
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four tickets, 28th row, for the raging pussies. - you got raging pussies tickets?! - we're going tomorrow night. cartman's got the bus schedule all figured out. - hold on, i'll be right back. mom, dad! can i go with the guys to see the raging pussies? - no, kyle. - but all the guys are going! - kyle, you're not old enough. and those concerts are dangerous and vile. - but mom, i-- - the answer is no, kyle! - agh! my parents said i can't go. - well, of course your parents said you can't go! - dummy! you don't ask if you can go! i'm telling my parents i'm staying at stan's house, stan's telling his parent he's staying at kenny's house, and kenny's not telling his parents anything 'cause they're alcoholics and they don't care. - yeah! - oh... well, now i already told them. - well, i guess you're screwed then. - no, it's all right. just give me some time to work on them. i'll see you guys later. but what if i do a bunch of chores around the house? come on, you're being unfair! - all right, fine, kyle, you can go to the raging pussies concert if you clean out the garage, shovel the driveway and bring democracy to cuba! - what's cuba? - a communist country run by a dictator named fidel castro. - and do i have to shovel the whole driveway or just the side the car's on?
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- the whole thing. - oh, geez. dear, mr. castro, my name is kyle. i am an 8-year-old american boy who lives in south park. ... and if i had just one wish, just one wish in the whole world... ♪ if i had one wish it'd be for cuba to change ♪ ♪ because i think that all the cubans are in pain ♪ ♪ all the joy in the world from sea to shining sea ♪ ♪ doesn't mean a thing if cubans aren't free ♪ ♪ i just can't be very happy that's certain ♪ ♪ not as long as your cubans are hurtin' ♪ ♪ oh, won't you search your soul ♪ ♪ and find a way to change your mind ♪ ♪ that is my one and only wish ♪ - llamada todos junto! [tv] once again this does mark the end of communism in cuba! cuban dictator fidel castro claims he was finally convinced by a young boy's letter. now the country is again open to american tourism. plans can finally resume for knott's berry farm, cuba.
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- i did it! now i can go to the raging pussies! - no, you can't. -what? kyle, your mother and i don't want you going to the raging pussies concert. we gave you a chore that we thought was impossible. you weren't supposed to actually do it. but i did, i brought democracy to cuba. - we know, kyle, but we just don't want you going to that concert. - but that's not fair, you lied to me! - kyle, perhaps we handled this wrong, but you need to understand that-- - what i understand is that you totally screwed me over! so why should i have to listen to you? - because we're your parents! - well, i wish i didn't have any parents! - kyle! - it's so unfair! how could my parents do that to me? - parents can be pretty cruel sometimes, dude. they get off on it. - they're evil. i wish i didn't have any parents! - well... you could make them go away for a while. - how? - well, i mean, you could call the police and have them take your parents away. - the police? - yeah, i saw it on tv. all you gotta do is call the police and say that your parents both "molestered" you. - what's that? - i don't know, but it works. when i wanted to get rid of my mom's last boyfriend i just called the police, and said he was molestering me, and i haven't seen him for three months. - wow-- three months without parents!


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