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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  September 14, 2021 11:00pm-11:46pm PDT

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>> [fake laugh] >> oh, your face! oh! >> is-- do the people-- >> no, i'm kidding. no, you're not-- you're not fired. yet. >> oh! >> oh. >> do they not like me, though? >> i don't know, actually. >> okay. snood so did you watch it? you saw it today, yeah. like the iphone, ipad, miniiphone 13. i'm, like, it's enough already. they did the iphone 10, iphone 11, iphone 12, 13, what's next? 32? you know what i mean? well, 14. i mean, that makes sense, i guess numbers -- yeah. i mean, what's the big thing? it has, what a bigger camera? yeah, but that's always the thing -- oh, we did six lenses this time. no one needs a better camera. i'm not looking any better. now the camera shows every little flaw and mark. we need to go back to old cameras that show nothing. do we even need cameras?
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i've taken ten million photos. i've never even looked at them. it's just snapping photos, it's like reflex. fancy cupcake, picture, picture. i'm over the phones. yeah, i pre-ordered mine, of course. i'm not using your shitty-assed old iphone. i'm getting the 13, baby. let's do it. >> coming to you from the heart of times square, the most important place on earth, it's "the daily show." coming up, fancy people dressed fancy. toxic waste is the new birth control. and gabrielle union. this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! >> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody? welcome to the show. i'm trevor noah. let's kick things off. yesterday was the met gala, party city on lsd. and this year the looks are as wild as ever. >> the met gala began with a
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bang from the brooklyn united marching band and from there the steps became a who's who of fashion, movies and music. the theme is celebrating american fashion and the guests understood the assignment. billie eilish and naomi osaka stunned in their larger than life outfits and little nas x shut down the suspension steps with his costume changes. >> we ask what did it mean to be two world-class women showing up? we decided we'll do it this way. >> mare de blasio made his first appearance, red, white and blue were the colors of the knight as well as sparkly, except for kim kardashian who came in in all black everything. >> trevor: you know you've killed the game when you step out covered med to toe and everyone recognizes you. i don't even recognize some of my friends when they wear a mask, but kim kardashian climbs the stairs looking like a video game character you can't even
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tell, and you say it's kim! eryka badu came looking like an astronaut at a funeral, dan levy came as an angry throw pillow. kevin hart brought a life size doll of frank ocean. that was genius. oh, shit, my bad. this is what i love about the met gala, is that it brings america together -- black, white, republican, democrat, no matter your sexual orientation, people switch on their tvs and they all say what the (~bleep~) are they wearing? i love the met gala. i'm evening trying trying to aci hate. it's not about looking good, it's about looking different. it's the only party you can show up to in a cardboard box with the word "butthole" written on it and people would be be like, oh, my goodness, yes, i need more of that! but if you show up in a tailored tuxedo, it's get the corny shit out of here, bring back the guy
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in the butthole box! this entire event is a fundraiser. i saw a lot of people talking trash, what is this bullshit, what are these people doing? it's a fundraiser that makes it possible to keep admission into the metropolitan museum of art free for residents. that's really important. you can't be charging people money to look at art. have you seen art? art is weird. it's all like naked angel babies and pieces of twisted metal and people looking at that stuff going, oh, yes, i see. oh, i see. i'm not paying for that shit. let's move on to today's big political news out of california. america's left sideburn, voters in the state are being asked whether they want to remove democratic governor gavin newsom from office after he made some poor decisions early on in the covid pandemic. yeah, because you see, apparently, he shouldn't have gone on that private doorknob licking tour of napa valley. wasn't a good look.
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although californians went to the polls today, we probably won't have official results for some time. turns out that the loser might not even accept the results when we do. >> it is now up to california voters whether gavin newsom remains their governor. polls show newsom with a comfortable lead but if polls are wrong republican larry elder is poised to take over. >> elder turned heads pushing baseless claims centering around the recall election as elder was campaigning across l.a. in orange county he urged supporters to use online form to report any suspected fraud. at the same time the web site hosting the forum said it already detected fraud and the result is gavin newsom reinstated as governor. the only problem is the election isn't over yet. >> trevor: whoo! donald trump really changed the game. when he started calling elections rigged it felt like this outrageous statement but already it's feeling the standard thing you can say these days, you know, that language
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has just become part of political life. it's like how it used to be a huge deal to hear people say shit or asshole, but now any asshole shithead can say them all night long. this election feels like another tipping point because larry elder is calling it rigged before it even finishes. i mean, i don't know about you but that's a risky strategy. what if he wins? it's going to put him in a little bit of a cul-de-sac. as your new governor, i would like to say that this is some bullshit. i shouldn't be up here. lock me up! no matter what happens now, we're all screwed, man. every single election in america is just going to be accused of being rigged right from the start. that's all that's going to happen. it won't end there. you best believe pretty soon this is going to happen with any competition. anyone in a race with usain bolt says i would have won this if the clock wasn't so corrupt. let's do this.
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news from the world of science, there are a up with couple of things we learned in school at prehistoric animals, t-rex skepped, and one might be getting a reboost. >> a jurassic park mission to resurrect the wooly mammoth. a team of researchers have been granted $15 million to make it happen. plan to use dna extracted from wooly mammoth remains to create it. the beast with a massive tusk vanished from the planet 4,000 years ago. harvard scientists say the goal is to have the first u first wooly mammoth calves alive in four to six years. >> trevor: oh, hell, yeah! i'm going to get a mammoth! i'm going to get a mammoth! it's going to ruin my apartment! i regret the decision! are there mammoth rescue shelters? what have i done?
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i know some people are upset about this because it's not natural and if the planet is warming why would you bring back the one animal that wears a giant sweater. i think it's a cool thing. though i will say if these scientists want to play god, there are easier ways to do it, you know. like this. hey, look at me, i'm god, and that didn't cost $15 million. all right, but let's move on to our top story. as i mentioned earlier, the met gala was last night, but not everyone decided to attend. some people just didn't feel comfortable going because of covid, some couldn't attend because of their schedules, and i didn't go because i haven't been welcome ever since i mixed up ox oscar de la renta and oscr de la hoya. i thought he blocked the punch. nicki minaj wasn't there for a reason that set the internet ablaze. >> the met gala was held last night but one star was
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noticeably absent. she said she isn't vaccinated which is required to attend the event. she added she contracted covid 19 while prepping for the m. video music awards. but it was her comments about the vaccine that had many people lashing out. >> trevor: that's right, people. if you have been on twitter in the last 24 hours or if you for some reason have a google alert for triedian testicles, you probably saw the story and oooh baby is there a lot to digest here. first of all, i'm going to say i'm not sure this marriage was ever going to work out because when you get married you go into it knowing you're going to face some observe strack also some day. it's right there in the vows. clearly, this prom in trinidad
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was, like, i was okay with richer, poorer, sickness or health but you never said anything about swollen testicles. can we talk a moment about this poor guy. think about it. he's minding his own business with his swollen testicles in trinidad and because his best friend happens to be cousins with nicki minaj, now the whole world knows that he's impotent, he got dumped and he's got giant testicles. he must be so mad at his friend. but i told you i was going to tell my cousin nicki in america. >> you tell me my cousin was nicki minaj? you've got to say nicki minaj. poor guy, single, swollen and everyone is asking them if he can hook them up with nicki minaj tickets. here's the thing, vaccines are already a very contention issue in america. everyone is fighting about them. but when you're a world famous artist with 22 million followers on twitter, everyone is going to be weighing in. right wing commentators have
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been rushing to nicki's defense. yes, my anaconda queen! on the other side liberal pundits like msnbc's joy reid called out nicki on tv. >> you have a platform, sister, that is 22 million followers, okay. i have 2 million followers. you have 22 million followers on twitter. for you to use your platform to encourage our community to not protect themselves and save their lives, my god, sister, you can do better than that. you've got that platform. it's a blessing. it's a blessing that you got that, that people listen to you, and they listen to you more than they listen to me. for you to use your platform to put people in the position of dying from a disease they don't have to die from, oh, my god as a fan, as a hip-hop fan, as somebody who's your fan, i'm so sad that you did that. >> trevor: i think what joy reid is trying to say is she's also black and she's very disappointed. now, after hearing this, nicki
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minaj contacted joy reid and they had a really cordial conversation and came to an understanding based on friendship and mutual respect. i'm just messing with you, man. nicki roasted her ass. it was rough. she tweeted joy reid and called her a lying coon being used by white people to take down a black woman. and she even dug up an old tweet from last year where joy reid was saying she would never trust the vaccine because it was developed under donald trump. honestly, i think nicki has a point here. i mean, joy reid was skeptical to have the vaccine just a year ago, just a year ago. she was, like, i don't trust this vaccine and i'll never trust the vaccine. in fact, a lot of liberals were in the same position. people like that should probably have a little more patience for theme who haven't gotten over that hesitancy as fast as they have. you know, you're like, yeah, i'm over it now, i'm with the vaccine, but you also had to get there. have a little patience. this happens with a lot of
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things in society. look at crocks. for years, everyone agreed that crocks were the official footwear failure, right? suddenly last year, everyone decided they're cool. justin bieber's wearing them. people are like why aren't you wearing crocks, trevor? you don't like fashion? give me a minute, let me check with dr. fauci. nicki minaj was on defense all day. all day in icky was swinging at everyone, not only joy reid, at former point meghan mccain former co-host and inventor of the phrase "do you know who my father is" criticized nicki, and nicki responded with "eat shit, you." which i know sounds harsh, but please don't forget, people, nicki minaj is a rapper. she makes tracks for a living. eat shit, you, is basically a rapper's way of saying let's agree to disagree. it's actually quite courteous in the rap community. here's the thing, i get why nicki minaj feels attacked just
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for saying she wants to do her own research. i get it. but at the same time, nicki, let's be real, in fact, not just nicki, everyone, can we all stop saying i need to do my own research, nobody's who's saying that is getting in a lab and doing tests. at best, you're reading other people's research, and more likely you're probably reading a tweet about a headline about a blog post about someone else's research. no one's doing the research. oh, i feed to do my own research. when we're saying i need to do more research, you're just saying you need to see enough information to convince you your decision is correct. that's all we're saying. that's what we mean when we say i want to do my own research. i special don't want nicki minaj doing her own research because i don't want to wait ten years for her album while she finishes medical school. the problem for nicki minaj's millions of followers, that tweet about swollen balls, that will be their research, it will be their research. but, at the same time, the i'm
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not saying that we should label nicki minaj as an anti-vaxxer, all right. like, give her a little bit of the benefit of a doubt. nicki minaj is saying she's unsure and she can be convinced. that's what she said. show just said i just need to understand a little bit more. so don't be, like, oh, she's an anti-vaxxer, screw her. anti-vaxxers believe all vaccines are evil. they say take all vaccines and hide them behind your liver so you can't find it. but if you take nicki at her word and others who want more information, instead of just crucifying her and others to show how righteousness we are, let's show them the research. let's take them at their word. for nick nicki and others out t, the good news is a lot of actual research has already been done on the vaccines and the research has shown they're overwhelmingly safe and effective, and their side effects don't come close to the damage that covid can do to you. it's been done.
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they've done the research. but still, you might be asking, trevor, what happened to that guy in trinidad, huh? the guy with the testicles, what happened to him? i don't know. i think there are many reasons people might get swollen balls, like, i don't know, maybe he sprayed miracle grow on them, you know. maybe his scrotum developed a nut allergy. maybe his balls didn't get bigger but his penis got super tiny, an optical illusion. even if you want to blame the vaccine, trinidad doesn't use the same vaccines as america. they use the cheens sinopharm -- the chinese vaccine sinopharm. as soon as i say chinese and vaccine people are like oh, boy, here we go. let's be honest, china is not consistent, they make the best of anything but, teenagers china will also make a fake pair of
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timberlands that somehow give you a rash on your teeth. so i don't know if this dude's balls had anything to do with sinopharm, the chinese vaccine. i don't know enough about sinopharm. i have to do my own research. but the fact is that, right now, for nicki minaj or anyone else in america, getting vaccinated is still the safest and most effective way for you to keep covid at bay. and, hey, at the very least, it's also a great way to find out if your fiancé only loves you for your regular-sized testicles. all right, when we come back, dulce sloan finds out the the latest excuse guys are going to be using to not wear a condom. and gabrielle union
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geico. save even more when bundle home and car insurance. tired of clean clothes that just don't smell clean? geico. what if your clothes could stay fresh for weeks? now they can! this towel has already been used and it still smells fresh. pour a cap of downy unstopables into your washing machine before each load and enjoy fresher smelling laundry for up to 12-weeks. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." you know, these days, there's a lot of numbers going up that we don't want to go up -- the temperature, daily covid cases,
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jake paul pay per view events. but there is one number going down that should be just as concerning. dulce sloan has more in another episode of "count on it." ♪♪ ♪♪ >> recently, you might have heard that birth rates are going down and some researchers think it's not just because men are trash. their sperm is broken, too. so i visited a sperm bank in philadelphia for a closer look at something i try to avoid seeing at all costs. >> and this is where the donors go to produce their seamen sample. >> in there? >> right in there. >> that's disgusting. michele explained there's a sperm recession going on. >> approximately ten years ago, from one ejaculate, we would be able to produce approximately six vials. over a decade, we saw a very sharp decline and we get an average of three now. >> that's a 50% decline in sperm volume. half never made it out of the gate. oh, no, we're looking at some
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real d students right here. a lot of them are just not moving, bumping into each other. a lot of them don't have tails. >> and those are not the ones that are going to achieve fertilization and lead to a baby. >> so something is definitely wrong with the little guys. to find out what this means even for those who don't mind saving money on birth control i sat down with epidemiologist shana swan. >> it's what we call the canary in the coal mine. >> that's my ex's favorite position. you have to be pennedy to get into it but when you do it's a good night. >> it's an indication we're in trouble. it's pointing out a problem which is is not just about sperm, it's lower testosterone, erectile dysfunction and testicular cancer going up, and then it's also tied to nonhuman species like alligators and fish and frogs, all of whom are experiencing changes in their gent also. >> alligators penises are getting smaller.
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>> yep. >> are human penises getting smaller? >> yep. >> shana, why didn't you start with that? now i am focused, honed in, this is something that affects me directly, shana. the sperm are dying, dick also have shrinking and my heart is breaking. what's causing this? >> we're being poisoned by the birockets in our plastics. the thalates which make plastic soft and trick our body into thinking that they are hormones like our testosterone or estrogen, and when our body gets district that way it doesn't carry out its reproductive functions. so if men's testosterone is affected, they have lots of effects on their functioning including how much they want sex, how well they do in the bed. >> okay. >> what their muscles are, what their strength level is. >> bays i don't like weak men. if you don't open a jar, change a tire, build something from
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ikea. >> even worse, dulce, is if you're pregnant, carrying a boy and get exposed to things that lower testosterone, the penis and the scrotum is smaller. >> he as a person is smaller. >> no just his gent also. >> he can be a real bick dude and -- i've seen that guy. that's trash. is it anybody doing penis size research because i have a lot of data to contribute. >> no studies tracked at that size of male pennies. >> how do you measure the damage to the reproductive equipment. >> you can measure how long does it take to go from the anus to the scrotum, that distance, okay. think about it in your mind, you think about that. >> i try to stay away from that part. but i'll think about that. >> that's the taint. >> okay. >> and the reason that's important is that, when the baby is born, we can measure that and it turns out that that distance tells us how much testosterone
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was present when this was developing. get a bunch of men in, measure their taint, measure their sperm count, and what do you think? >> smaller taint, smaller sperm count. >> a plus. a plus. >> all right. so when i finally meet the man who will be my husband, get a quick tape measure go, all right, would you like to meet me in the bathroom not for the reason you think. where do you get the hormones that are messing with our hormones. >> chemicals in our makeup, everything we bring into our body that we ingest, breathe, puts on our skin has these chemicals that have the ability to change our body's hormones. >> there are companies selling products that are poisoning their customers? i mean, why would they do that? i'm just playing. it's capitalism. they hate all of us. dozens of chemicals harmful to
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humans are common in household goods. tin cans, microwave popcorn bags, plastic containers, plug in air fresheners, water bottles, non-stick cookwear. antibacterial soaps, hair spray and nail polish. >> you have nail polish. >> true. >> it's very nice. >> thank you so much. >> if you were living in europe, there would be 1100 ingredients that would be not allowed in your personal care products and your makeup, 1100 are kept out by regulations in the e.u. in this country, do you know how many are kept out? >> 11. >> so we need two more zeros. >> unless the government can step in and say we've got to get these things out of everybody's lives, we're going to be increasing trouble in the reproductive department. >> nevermind climate change or covid, there's a whole other life on the planet threatening
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catastrophe unfolding right inside our own bedroom, southern couches, loveseats, back of cars, office desks, a closet, a stairwell, a swimming pool, a beach, a park, even a bathroom. but in this case i know just how to fight back. i'm saying me, you, sandwich board, congress, plastics making your dick small. fastest passing legislation in the history of america. fix it! >> trevor: thank you so much for that, dulce. when we come back, gabrielle union is joining plea on the show and you don't want to miss it. “in da ghetto” by j balvin and skrillex plays you feel like, you're just like, surround by the vibe. you feel the voice right there, then you feel the other voice here. the bass, like here.
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i'm telling you, you're inside the song. dolby atmos is amazing. “in da ghetto” by j balvin and skrillex plays ♪ dancin' at da ghetto ♪ ♪ inna da ghetto ♪ ♪ party in da ghetto ♪ ♪ inna da ghetto ♪ ♪ esto se jodió ♪ ♪ la vecina no sé qué bebió ♪ ♪ el vecino no sé qué prendió ♪ ♪ a la gente no sé qué le dio, pero ♪ the inspiration behind “da ghetto,” it's because it reminds me when i was a kid. you know, i come from middle class, but i grew up in the ghetto. you know, i just leave my house and go straight out to the ghetto and show my music. it makes me feel like nostalgia. you know, because that's when i - i was like, yo, i like these type of beats. ♪ party in da ghetto ♪ ♪ inna da ghetto ♪ ♪ party in da ghetto ♪ ♪ inna da ghetto ♪ i'm a positive guy. you know, i think the world is amazing. we need to be together, to be stronger right now. we need like happy vibes, you know. hope vibe, romantic vibes. something to just like, make us feel better than everything that is going on right now in the world. ♪ y esto es ♪
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♪ party in da ghetto ♪ ♪ inna da ghetto ♪ ♪ party in da ghetto ♪ ♪ inna da ghetto ♪ that's the power of music, you know that you don't have to understand to feel... what the vibe like. you know, if it can bring some joy and hope. that's really what matters. ♪ ♪ i can turn anyone into a beach bum. i bring families together for a living.
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producer and best-selling author gab yet union. she's here to talk about her new book a collection of revealing essays about her life. gabrielle. welcome to the show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: i feel like every time i see you you are achieving new things. it just feels like now is the time for gabrielle union. however, i wonder if anyone asked you this, why does it seem everyone of your productions or books has something to do with alcohol. >> well, you have been to our parties, trevor. it's a reoccurring theme in my life and certainly, you know, when i'm writing, i want people to feel like we're chopping it
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up over classes of wine and just talking, just having a normal conversation. i'm not using all my sat words in my books, i just want to use regular language, talking about deeper, more challenging issues, and to do it in a way that more people can relate to it and understand. >> trevor: it feels like that. like everything about you feels relatable. like, you know, i have been following you on your trip to europe. everything looked amazing. met gala, you looked stunning. >> thank you. >> trevor: did you have fun? >> i did. i did. there was a point where i was walking up the stairs -- you forget how many stairs. >> trevor: a lot of stairs. >> in that dress and heels, i was walking, like -- like here's fashion and gala, fashion and gala, where's the precious -- it was terrible trying to walk up the stairs in this ginormous gown. and then the after-party. i was, like, i did the more conservative met ball, the
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after-party -- >> trevor: the met is full, it's all about the after-party. who can get to rihanna's after-party. did you go this year? >> yes, we wanted to stop at swiss and alicia's party. they had food, seating with back support and it was for the grownups. then time to go to rihanna. we hooshing up with latif fa and others in a caravan of suv's and the wait in the caravan line to get into rihanna's was so long we missed our window. we were, like, hey, guys, want to go get pizza? >> trevor: let's talk about the book. it feels like you are you. gabrielle union is having a good time and it is punctuated with tough times in between. you got anything stronger, does just that. i'd love to know why you feel the need to share some of the stories you share. i love them but it's also really
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vulnerable to share some of the things you do in the books. >> because through radical transparency you breed community. you know what i found during this pandemic is that we're all suffering in our own way but in silos because we think we're alone. no one else in the world could possibly be feeling what i'm feeling. no one else in the world could understand the pain that i am in, except that's not true. it's because we don't talk about it, and when people say, hey, how are you? you go, fine. when you lie and say fine when the world is burning around you, you close the door on building community, and you breed isolation. you know, that's when the downward spiral starts. so with this book and those tougher chapters which some of the most brutal chapters of my life, actually, i felt a responsibility to share. >> trevor: one of the essays that connected with people the most is the essay that you shared about surrogacy.
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when i saw it online, gab's having a baby and she's just chosen something. some people commented why don't you have the baby yourself? this is the problem with hollywood, they have too much money, putting babies in people's bodies, et cetera. then i read the story, and it is the most painful experience. you talk about the journey of going through irks vf, the journey of your body struggling with each stage of trying to have a child, the pain of miscarriage over and over again. i think the line that stuck with me is the one where d. says to you, hey, you've done enough. i'd like to know what you got from sharing it and what you hope women out of there would also understand from the journey that's often gloss fide in many ways. >> i felt liberated. when you have complicated, messy, not sound byte worthy
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feelings about something as big as entering into motherhood and the journey to motherhood, and it's not, oh, it was great and i'm just glad someone was there to help me bring my angel into the world, you know, i felt like a loser. i felt like a failure. i felt like my body had failed me, i failed me and i failed dwayne and he deserved something other than me. there are so many complicated feelings. it's like when you don't physically birth your child and you have those nine months to bond with your baby, it's like me and duane are in the same boat with cav. we both had to work to create a bond because she was created outside both of us. i was so worried maybe she's not going to love me as much because i didn't birth her. maybe she's not going to respect me as much because i didn't birth her. maybe he's not ever going to be able to love me fully,
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completely because i wasn't able to do this, and i'll never know. you know what i mean? >> trevor: right. >> and it just -- it's brutal and heartbreaking and it sucks but no one ever tells that story. when i'm reading in "people" magazine about someone who's had a baby via gestational carrier like we did, it's i found an angel on earth, and now our angel is on earth and there's nothing in between. and i felt like, okay, now again i'm defective because my story doesn't match that. i feel so -- i just feel messy and icky and just i feel like i'm covered in loser juice that i can't get out from under. so, in just writing it, i started to release it. >> trevor: oh. >> i started being able to release it. once you name it, claim it and let it go -- you know, sometimes i'll break things down that -- or i might text you and be,
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like, i want to say this but i'm going to text you trevor and you're, like, okay, don't send that to anyone. sometimes that's enough. sometimes i write it down and burn it just to get it out. but with this i know i'm not alone. >> trevor: this is why i would love people to read your books. all your books have this, they have you. in the same book you're talking about, you know, racism, when you're talking about some of the struggles you face in the entertainment industry, when you're talking at your achievements and joys then all of a sudden in the book we're talking about a strip club and laxatives and constipation. >> yeah. and, you know, people are, like, what do you want that takeaway to be from that chapter? the takeaway is perhaps don't take laxatives and then drink hennessy and then go to a place that has exactly one private bathroom that is surrounded by women in various states of undress because it could be explosive. talk about a painful chapter.
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it was embarrassing and there was nothing i could do. >> trevor: yeah, but i love how they loved you. i love how you talk about how these women came october. there were all these strippers and they were, like, all right, gab, we've got you. >> with the cold rag because i was sweating. >> trevor: when you think of strip clubs, do you go negative experience or do you feel like, no, this is a warm place now? >> i have been going to strip clubs since i have been allowed in. so my whole career. one time -- there wasn't one time i went to a strip club and i happened to get the diarrhea. no, i go to strip clubs all over the world. i love bodies and sensuality and sexuality and i'm a good tipper. i enjoy the whole thing. in miami and atlanta, the strip club is where you go, it's
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what's next. it's the rihanna of the party. >> trevor: thank you so much for joining me. thank you so much for coming on. you look amazing at the met gala. i hope everybody goes out and get the book. gabrielle's book, "you got anything stronger?" is available now. a quick break but we'll be back right after this.
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and there you have it— -woah. wireless on the most reliable network nationwide. wow! -big deal! ...we get unlimited for just $30 bucks. sweet, but mine has 5g included. relax people, my wireless is crushing it. that's because you all have xfinity mobile with your internet. it's wireless so good, it keeps one upping itself. switch to xfinity mobile and save hundreds on your wireless bill. plus, save up to $400 when you purchase a new samsung phone or upgrade your existing phone. learn more at your local xfinity store today. >> trevor: well that's our show for tonight but before we go, please consider a donation to sbp's disaster response to hurricane ida which had landfall as one of the most powerful storms in louisiana's history. sbp's disaster teams are helping the hardest hit communities in southeast louisiana. do you want to help provide the support, please follow the link below. until tomorrow, stay safe out
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there, get your season, and remember if you didn't like this episode of the show, that's because it was rigged. here it is, your moment of zen. >> one country worries me, not iraq, not iran, not north korea. the only country that worries me is the country of germany. i don't know if you guys are history buffs or not, but -- ( laughter ) -- in the early part of the previous century, germany decided to go to war, and who did they go to war with? the world! ( laughter ) it had never been tried before. and so you figure that would take about five seconds for the world to win, but, no, it was actually close.
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>> oh, my god! i can't believe it! i just won an art contest. aah! [laughs] [dwight laughs] [quietly] thanks. i still don't understand why you wanted me to say that. >> shut up. [laughing] i got her! ooooohhh... >> not cool, dwight. >> not cool, man. >> [laughing] [thumps desk] [cheerful music] ♪ ♪
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[car wash playing] >> there ain't no tellin' who you might meet ♪ ♪ a movie star ♪ ♪ or maybe even an indian chief ♪ ♪ workin' at the car wash ♪ >> oh no! i still have the lease on the michael scott paper company, so occasionally i will sneak down here for a little coffee and dancing. i actually dance all the time. tiptoeing around corporate, it is a ballet. when i am breaking all the rules, i'm break dancing. and expresso. guys, i'm scared. i'm really scared. i think i'm growing into a giant, because look at this normal-size coffee cup. looks so tiny in my giant hand now. anybody want to go to lunch with me later on? >> i do. >> okay, how about a woman? pam? >> oh, i can't do lunch. i was just sending you an email. jim and i need to leave early today to meet with our contractor. >> oh, really? okay. >> just sent it.
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>> what about the rest of you? at dunder mifflin, there is a very strict no-lunch-with-the-boss policy. and i don't know who instituted it. i think it started right after my predecessor stepped down. but at the michael scott paper company, i really enjoyed having lunch with pam and ryan every day. so rules be damned, i want to have lunch with these people. who else? who else? ryan. >> i don't do lunch. i'm doing five small meals a day now. now that i'm back to doing the job of a temp again, i find that food is one thing i can control. >> okay, anyone? anyone at all. accounting? i am accounting on you to go to lunch with me. >> no, i don't want to stay late to have a two-hour lunch. >> michael, we have a lot of work to do. >> what?! >> work. >> [scoffs] oh, well, god! what happened to you people? [robot voice] we are just office drones. we are office drones. all we do is work... is work... >> if you don't take out his battery,

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