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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  December 14, 2021 1:15am-2:00am PST

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power of attorney by your town and that you wish to attempt to void the current agreement. kay... since this is a renegotiation, you agree that manbearpig has right to compensation for termination, and you will give up all rights to specified assets. yes. yes, we agree to give back cars and ice cream. [ manbearpig grunts ] uh, let me confer with my client. [ grunting softly ] uh-huh. got it. yes. my client says that he -- [ grunting softly ] kay. uh, mm-hmm. manbearpig has no interest in you giving up cars and ice cream. well, what's he want everyone to give up? [ crowd murmuring ] there! there he is! there he is! is it over?! um, he says he'll never come back again, but... we have to give up soy sauce and red dead redemption 2. all: ohhhh! just plain rice? yeah, that's what i thought.
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um, could we possibly talk about restructuring a new deal? uh-huh! uh-huh! no. no. just, like, can we do, like, a renegotiation? all right, sign here and here that you are entering a renegotiation with manbearpig. -where do i sign that? -right there. okay. yeah, i thought so. shut up, grandpa. man: and sign here that manbearpig has rights to the lives of all children in third world countries. kay, got it. and you agree to ignore manbearpig until he returns in five years, in which time the carnage will be a thousand fold. kay, where do i sign that? >> trevor: big news, kim kardashian announced she passed a big law exam in california, on her fourth try, she passed the baby bar exam which i didn't know that that was like a law exam, i thought the baby bar was a place you took your baby to hang out to meet other babies, like when babies are having a tough day they are in the baby bar together, give me another
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pound of milk, life is hard. i thought that, this is cool because a lot of people didn't think kim could pass any of these exams and now she is on her way to becoming a full-on lawyer, which is dope. what i didn't like is people online were like i would never hire kim kardashian. yo, i would definitely hire kim kardashian, are you kidding me, she could convince the world being a kardashian is a job. she could convince someone i didn't kidnap someone's-- she was saying my dad would be proud, he is in heav inprobably proud of me. i was like yeah, i can imagine kim car-- kardashian, also a lawyer looking wow, how is o.j. still free, damn. >> coming you from the heart of time square in new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show" tonight in just like what? can scelling 2021. and huma an eddin, this is the daily show with trevor noah. >> what is going on, welcome to
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the daily show, i'm trevor noah and joining me for today's headlines is michael kosta, how are you doing, michael? >> the year is almost over, trevor. >> trevor: right? >> two more weeks and i realize i got to get on my new year's resolution now or else i'm never going to have actually done anything. so for the next two weeks, i am going vegan. and for the next 12 days i'm going to do no cheese pizza and impossible burger and then new year's eve i'm going to do spaghetti with tofu butter s that what they do, i don't know, but never too late, that's my mission. >> trevor: i think itity moo be. >> okay. >> trevor: but you know what, good for you. >> i'm still going for t you know. >> trevor: that is what i love with about you michael. >> thanks, trevor. >> trevor: always pushing, all right straight into today's headlines. we kick things off with the big media news. every year since 1927 time magazine has awarded person of the year to the world's most
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influential news maker. it is by far the most incredible honor that most people find out about in a be dentist's office. and this year the lucky win certificate a guy who already pretty much won life. >> we have breaking news, tesla's c.e.o. elon musk is now time magazine's person of the year. time magazine said he is different from any other c.e.o., constantly interacting with twitter users while running one of the most valuable companies in the world. elon musk can also influence the markets with just one tweet. time magazine also recognizes musk's other ventures like spacex. musk is the richest pan in the world thanks to tesla which has increased in value eight fold since the beginning of the pandemic. >> yay, congratulations bek elon musk. man, i'm so happy for him. like the guy could really use an ego boost, you know? and honestly you can't argue with this. i mean richest man in the world,
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who also controls space, crypto and electric cars? ha, who would even be second place, like maybe pete davidson, maybe? my only question is this though. why is it that person of the year always goes to the weirdest person. like have you noticed that. like i sometimes wonder, if aliens came down, i don't know if i want these guys representing our race, you know, the aliens would be like your species needs to be exterminatedded, except for that guy, he seems normal. totally normal. i think it's just because his name is elon that we think he's all futuristic. you know? a lot of futuristic things, elon, ipad, xbox, e-cigarette, a-ed rod, you know? if his name was leone, would you buy a car from leon? trevor? >> trevor: leon musk it wouldn't be the same. >> it does not carry the same worth, stop talking about the block chain, leon, you know what
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i mean. >> trevor: i hear you. >> so leon feels like kind of a dead beat name whereas elon is a disrupter so i'm not on board. >> trevor: so you don't think he deserves it at all. >> i think we're all being deuped by some good naming. >> trevor: i feel you there, you know, tesla. god name as well. >> right, if it was called elsa, you see. >> trevor: we just let it go. >> let it it go. >> trevor: all right, let's move on to tour next story which is from california. america's california is one of the most antigun states in the country which is a frustrating position to be in these days. especially when conservative courts are striking down any effort at gun control. but now the governor of california has come up with a new plan to limit guns and where he got the idea from is pretty hilarious. >> california governor gavin new some says he wants to use the new restrictive abortion law in texas as a model to ban assault weapons. newsom tweeted he wants legislation that allows
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california to sue anyone who makes, distributes or sells the guns as well as ghost gun kits. the governor cites supreme court rulings that have allowed the texas law it to remain in effect while the high court reviews it it. >> trevor: that's right, gavin newsom now wants to pull a texas except he's going to do it on assault weapons and ghost guns. which would be awesome, a risky move, i mean you're going to want those ghost guns, until giant marshmallow shows up. >> i don't think that is what a ghost gun is. >> trevor: i think it is, kosta, i read, but yes, the idea is that because of supreme court is allowing for banning abortion they're going to have to allowing it for banning guns too, here is the thing, the problem with in is idea is the supreme court can make up whatever rules they like like if they want to strike down these gun laws they'll find a way. you know? the supreme court is like that annoying kid that your mom made you have play dates with, tag, i got you, nuh-uh, i have a vest ma thaiks me invincible. man, i wish the courts allowed
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your mom to have an abortion. america has gotten so divided right now, at this point i think maybe some states should just like secede and try and do their own thing, like you know, have they tried that before? like what is the worst that could happen, you know? >> trevor, i usually try to have something funny to say but this story is go about guns, abortion and an obscure supreme court ruling so you are on your own for this unwith, o so. >> trevor: wow, i was hope egg that i was going to unit it it to you and you were going to like. >> i know. >> trevor: and then you just left me. >> if anything, i wish the state of new york allowed me the right to sue you for putting me on spot to come up with something funny for that story. but we're not there yet. >> trevor: i mean, it's your job, like. >> yeah. >> trevor: before we started this you said you got my back and now you're saying. >> it is a tough story, you know. but yeah, i mean. >> trevor: that's what we do here, we deal with tough stories, kosta. >> you do it better than me which is why i am sitting this
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one out but at this point it is like i'm all in because i'm still talking so i'm out. i was trying to step out of it. but now i'm in. so-- . >> trevor: well, we're in this together. >> we're in it together. >> trevor: yeah. >> yeah. >> trevor: all right, let's move on from kosta's story that he brought into the show and talk about some big news from the world of sports involving formula 1 racing. the absolute coolest way to contribute to climate change. yesterday was the final race of the season but how it ended is giving a lot of people road rage. >> back now with a big story in formula 1 racing a new champion unseated seven time reigning champ lewis hamilton after one of the most controvers race finishes in the history of the sport. >> this was a walkoff homerun, buzzer beater and hail mary wrapped into one, the final lap of the final race of a frantic season, it brought chaos, controversy and a new champion. >> on sunday it looked like hamilton had the victory and the title in hand. leading almost the whole way.
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with verstapen a distant second until things got crazy. near the end of the race the crash forced the safety car on to the track to limit the drivers speed. once the race restarted on lap 58 of 58, verstappen caught, overtook and sped by hamilton to win the championship in a shocking unprecedented finish. >> trevor: okay, okay, i know right now there are a lot of people who are saying i literally do not understand anything here. so let me try and explain what happened here and why everyone in britan is in a bad mood today. i mean aside from the 600 straight days of rain, basically what happened is you have got lewis hamilton, okay, he is like the lebron james of formula one like if lebron wasn't just the best player, but also the only black player ever in the nba, okay. you with me? so now hamilton was trying to win his 8th championship and for the entire race he was in the lead. but then there is a big crash at the back of the race. and whenever that happens in
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formula one a safety car has to come out to make sure that while they are cleaning up all the wreckage on the track, the other cars don't run over the people who are doing the cleaning because that is just rude, plus if you hit the people cleaning up you have to bring more people to dleen up the people who are cleaning them up and then it becomes like a whole thing. so the safety car, safety car comes out, and drivers slow and all the race cars behind it have to stay behind the safety car, you know, so it is like a senior citizen doing 20 on a one ray road, you know, which kind of sucks if you are leading because hamilton was in the lead, right because he has to slow down. meanwhile everyone at the back can catch up to you. yeah, and i don't think there are any other sports where this happens. like you are never see an nfl game where for a few minutes the ref only lets the losing teem score. oh my god, someone's hurt real bad, all right, would you guys like to score a couple of touchdowns while we drag him off the field? yeah, not you, not you, someone is hurt. you want it to score quick, go on, go on, go on, guys, yeah.
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and look, yes, kind of a crazy way to do things, it is kind of crazy. but i mean these people are also driving 200 miles an hour around a race track so crazy is relative. and some people argue that it makes the sport more exciting every time there say crash the whole field comes back together and it is a race. so now the safety car, everyone caught up to hall imton, all right. and then with one final lap to go. the race direct certificate like the guy who chooses everything, is like bigger than the ref had two options, one, follow the rules and let the race end under the safety car in which case hamilton would have won but with all of the other cars driving like they are going through a school zone, very boring, or two, second option was spice things up, chan the rules a little bit and restart the race but for one final lap. which is what he did. yeah. and that last lap which maybe shouldn't have happened, gave verstappen the guy in second place gave him a chance to change his tires and then pull ahead and win. so that is why lewis hamilton
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fans are pissed at what happened and his team protested the decision. but that protest goes to the same people who made the decision so that was never going to work. like appealing your mom grounding you to your mom. >> have i checked with with myself and i decided that my decision was correct. and by the way, by the way, just as an aside, i love how every sport, every sport has all of these layers of replay officials and specialists and appeals to analyze every little play but then when we're trying to solve real things like murders, which just ask 12 reason dom people on the street like hey, you think this guy did it? yeah, yeah, it is kind of weird, take him away. take him away. thank you, members of the jury. now i know right now a lot of americans are thinking what, trevor, some euronascar race changed the rules so that somebody else could win? who cares. who cares about any of this. okay. but you will remember this moment when the next u.s.
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presidential election comes, yeah, then you will see why the stories are big here. >> so our elections can never go to the wrong person, so we're good. by the way, this story, dramatic, exciting, competitive, someone should write a musical about it, would you name it after, who was the guy that was in first place? >> trevor: hamilton. >> hamilton, no one has ever thought of that, that would crush. >> trevor: yes, i think a hamilton musical would do well. >> that is what mi saying, so now we're back to tbg partners again. i also bond we are gas prices being so high how bad it would suck to be a formula one race driver right now, you have one lap to g you think you just put ten dollars in for this last lap. that saul i got. >> trevor: they don't pay for their own gas. >> they are not at the thing going what is my zip code, shit i'm getting passed? too. >> trevor: no, no, they don't that would make it a very-- i wanted to say terrible sport but i actually think that might be
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the greatest sport ever invented. >> that would be interesting. i also find it it interesting that they are racing on oil, a fine identity resource, you know. that is why i support steam engines racing. >> trevor: can they use water. >> coal, but i guess that say finnity resource too. it sounded better when i was thinking of it. >> trevor: there are electric races now. >> if we could come up with somebody to create an electric car, i would consider that person, person of the year. >> trevor: all right, and finally, the hot new tv show right now is hbo's reboot of sex and the city. more sex, more city. over the weekend the de butt episode not only sent shock waves through people's living rooms it also shook up the stock market. >> a huge shock to fans of sex and the city, mr. big, the husband of sarah jessica parker's character carrie dies of a heart attack in the very
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first episode of the series reboot. is he doing a vigorous workout on a pelton bike then mr. big played by actor chris noth heads to the show wrer-- shower where he suffers a fatal heart attack. the scene was such a shock the company's stock took a nosedive thursday dropping 11 percent. the peloton spokesperson confirmed that it gave the show permission to it use peloton equipment in that episode but not that a character would die using it. >> within 48 hours peloton came together to create a commercial showing mr. big alive and well. the clip has now gone viral. >> peloton also release aid statement from a cardiologist saying mr. big's extravagant lifestyle and perhaps his family history played a role in his death. >> trevor: america! america! yo, how does peloton's real livestock tank because of something that happened to a character in a tv-- how dumb are
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some people? your tv isn't real. you think those dragons in game of thrones are real, they are cgi. the mandalorian is cgi. the cast of this is us t is all cgi. no real people can cry that much, grow up, people. here is some investing advice, you should not make knee jerk financial decisions based on tv shows, do your research, look into the market and see what elon musk tweets and then you go with that. i do feel a little bad for peloton though because when they gave hbo permission to put their product in the show they didn't know someone was going to die because of it. they probably thought the character was just hang clothes on it like everyone else does. >> i don't like ad placement in tv shows. i find them dishonest. i find them greedy. >> trevor: i agree. >> i find them outrageous. >> trevor: yeah. >> almost as outrageous as the power of four dur a cell batteries-- dur a sell battery, the choice of "the daily show's"
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michael kosta. >> trevor, you can't stop me from doing endorsements, dude, okay. also you can't stop the copper top. "the daily show's" michael kosta's premier choice of battery. >> trevor: do they pay you for that? >> it is-- i'm doing it as a concept, i will send it to their ad team. >> trevor: so you are giving them free ads and they might not even pay you for them? >> i'm taking a calculated risk. >> trevor: yeah. i don't even know what to do any more, kosta. >> all right, well they have different sizes, i think this is a but-- a great battery, i use them for all my machines and remote control tdz all right, give me-- i need two for my
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remote. >> okay. >> trevor: peloton has tried to ride this out and to be honest to you, i give props to them as a company, for trying to have a sense of humor, limit the damage by joking about it all. i don't think that they are out of the woods yet, because based on the preview for next week's episode of sex and the city reboots, man, peloton has got some more bad pr ahead of it. >> taxi! >> trevor: all right, when we come back joy wood, wood, jr. wl look back at who got canceled in 20216789 you don't want to miss it. it. because this might be you. ♪ spin the wheel for me ♪
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taitionzs, it is time to once again announce the u.s. department of cancellations list of approved cancellations for the year 2021. now as a reminder these are actual cancellations. not one of them fake cancellations making everybody rich. not even a podcast sponsored by my-- this is an official cancellation, which means you have to list it on your taxes and everything. everything in your life is cancelled. career, cancelled. twitter account, cancelled. dentist appointment, cancelled. you think you have a-- not any more. cancelled. first up, we all know mike richards, the producer of jeopardy, not to be confused with cramer michael richards who was cancelled back in 20 thousand-- flight right and-- mike richards was selected to take over as host of jeopardy
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by the show's producer mike richards. they liked alike and all the data analyzed shows that you already work there so less paperwork, but soon after twitter did its thing and everyone discovered many disparaging comments richards made about women and jews, i mean the jews, jewish people. -- for terrible comments and the hub rest to-- the u.s. department officially cancelled mike richards, an actor-- heads up. former new york governor andrew cuomo. mf siz on the former, andrew cuomo road to national prom thens at the start of the coronavirus pandemic because in its time of need america wanted
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a guy who sounded like alpa chino to have power points and tell that toilet paper was on the way, unfortunately for coma all the storming in the world wasn't going help clean up the shit storm he was about to face. cuomo was actually canceledded twice thisser yoo. first for getting a bunch of nursing home residents killed and fudging the numbers to cover it up. and then he was also cancelled for sexual harassment against women who workedded for him. you can't do both of those in one year. if you are being to be the most prolific killer of old people, you got to at least be curtious to women. the department of cancellation approved this cancellation and-- andrew cuomo-- unsold copies of his book-- next up, now i done need to explain why this is canceled, if you don't know why this is
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cancelledded-- it it will be easier on all of us i will be the first toed admit it. it took us over a hundred years to process the paperwork but we finally got it done. there say big back log, cleveland indians, kansas city chief, braves we got the native american mascot division of this department working around the clock. they don't even get thanksgiving off. luckily i don't think anyone in cleveland will be missing that name because the new name is a daisy cleveland-- -- . >> and finally, former president donald j. trump, with vicious lies about the 2020 election inspired this reporter to-- to storm the capitol and return him to to we are illegally.
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it has shaken the foundation of our precious democracy to the very core, the u.s. department of cancellation officially cancelledded him for all time. -- so to avoid that happening again, the department of cancellation officially endorses donald j. trump for president in 2024. go get them, future boss. i'm sorry, i'm not about to get beat by no black pole-- climbing liked redneck spider mrn. >> trevor: thank you so much for that roy, when he come back hillary clinton's chief of staff huma an eddin will be joining me right here on the show, so don't what if smartphones were more than just smart?
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huma abadin, individualer and chief of staff to hillary rodham clinton and did a memoir both/andk a life in many worlds, humma thank you to the show. >> thank you for having me. >> you have lived a life, i mean just in proximity to action all the time, just listening to this, when i was going through it again, you were by somebody's side who was running for president twice, you know were you somebody's side while she was serving as secretary of state as senator of new york and you had to wake that same person up from bed when she was first lady. the person i'm talking about is hillary clinton. let's talk about that first. how do you wake up a sleeping first lady? >> so first of all, mi thrilled to be with you today. and i, yes, when i walked into the white house i was a 21 year old internal. i didn't exactly know what i was doing and there was very much at least in the clinton administration this sink or swim attitude. they kind of threw you into it.
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so this was the midst of her senate campaign, first lady running for the senate and one morning the white house operator said she is not responding. now as somebody who had followed all the rules, one of the first rules you learn in the white house is fail to plan, plan it to fail and hi a plan. the plan was she was going to wage. so i didn't know how to wake her up so i decided to march into the hallway, i tip toe in the back, i knock on the door and i say mrs. clinton, no response. so finally i open the door, tip toe in, and shake her really hard and not only did i wake her up, i woke up the leader of the free world andment ghost of lincoln, the entire house was alerted. and the funniest thing about this story is that she gets up, she gets in the chair to get her makeup done and she turns to me and she says huma, negotiation time just knock louder. >> trevor: that was a big jump from knock softly, shake your ass. that is like a big jump. >> i learned a lesson that day. >> trevor: okay. >> and now i always knock
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louder, i haven't had to do it for awhile but that the lesson. >> trevor: just like incremental steps, the journey of huma abidin. >> we had a lot of fun. >> you have had a really interesting relationship with hillary clinton who is in america, a person who will go down in history, people will love her, people will hate her, people will talk about her. you have seen sides of her that nobody else will. and what i really enjoyed in your book is you talk about seeing those sides of hillary, and you talk about how difficult it was for hillary to navigate the journey of being perfect and like talking perfectly and looking perfect, it seems like there was no way to win. when you were doing that, when you were trying to create the perfect image of a hillary clinton, like where was this external-- external pressure coming from. >> so much of it, in hindsight of 2020, when we were in it in the moment, there was no perfect way to be. one of our challenges, i right in 2008, we even on the insidek we didn't know how to deal with some of the sexist and misogynistic comments so we just
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laugh add long with t we just assumed this was the price you pay for being in the game, so if you said she should wear brown, we wear brown, if she should talk louder, let's try it to talk louder t was constantly shape shifting, if you will, responding it to people's comments. but nothing was ever right. and i think 2016 was next level in that here we were, and everybody had a different, everyone had a different response and i actually share a story in a book where a hollywood director calls me and says i will give some media training, i said give me an idea who she should be like, they said her husband, excellent, nibbles, president obama, both phenomenal communicator, legendary communicator, both men. and so we could never quite get it right. we kept trying and i think that it is in part because we have a hard time seeing women in leadership. forget commander in chief, trevor, just seeing women in leadership positions am i agree with you, not everyone is going to necessarily agree with everything hillary clinton says but she is a historic figure for this country and the world and
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tried to pave the way forward and got some cracks in that ceiling and somebody will step in those shoes, we have a vice president who stepped in those shoes. >> trevor: who is also being criticized for how she laughs or doesn't laugh. the fine line that like no one can really walk perfectly. >> right. >> trevor: you have faced a lot of that criticism, you have faced, you know, i think a lot of extra scrutiny because you're not just a woman but you are also a muslim woman, a muslim woman what has been working in american government for so long, reading through the book there were things i didn't know but, wow, i didn't know that you had your moments of being the terrorist that people were talking about, actual you know sitting members of congress saying like oh there she is. the member of this organization, the member-- do you think it got better or do you think it just went underground because you are seeing with lauren boebert saying ilhan omar, the backpack in the elevator. do you think it got better as a
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muslim person working if government or do you think it just shifted. >> i actually think that what happenedded it to me in 2012 as you were referring were five republican members of congress suggested i was essentially a spy, not a patriot. i was that american, trevor, that as i traveled the world as a little girl and we went everywhere from south africa to london to paris to asia, every time we landed i would turn it to nie mother and say is it america yet. why? because to me america wasn't just a place that you could go to the movie theater, things i didn't have back in saudi arabia or what you wanted, its with a feeling. it was a sense of choice and optimism. and appreciation for those principles and values. so i have always had a great pride as an american, i do think when they accused me of being essentially a spy, it was unleashing, i think it was an appetizer, trevor, to what we faced in 2016 when certainly muslims and many brown people became the other.
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and i'm not justing my kind of brown, generally if you were a person of color, you were the other. and they succeeded in doing it. i think donald trump unleashed permission to have the kind of dialogue and conversation as one of the many reasons i wrote this book is to explain to the country what it is to be an american muslim. >> it is not just heart-wrenching, but st also vulnerable how you share your story. >> you know, your name really just rose to prom thens in the country with the anthony weiner story, your ex-husband. and i remember it at the time i wasn't familiar with american politics but the story was blowing up. a lot of women i worked with were like as women we have to deal with the shit that our men do, we have to bear their shame as well. and you really lay it out elegantly and vuller inably in the book but what was really surprising it it me it at the end of the book you acknowledge and thank your ex-husband and i would love to know why you did that, and if that was a true feeling that you had or no, this is the high road i need to take. >> you knee, i do acknowledge
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anthony at the end of the book. and the reason i do that is two things. the first is he gave me the single most important thing in my life, that is my little boy. and he gave me that sense of feeling, i know what it is it to be loved. and if you read the book, to feel like the most special person in the room, i didn't have a lot of experience with men before i met anthony. and i wanted to be seen, not-- even though i have a whole chapter in the book called elephant in the room and the other called shame, shame go away. even though i did live with a lot of shame and felt judged for much of my marriage, i tried to make every decision i thought was right for me. and for my little boy. and i have actually been surprised by the number of people who read the book and read to the end seeing how i made these decisions, in relation to my marriage saying okay, i understand, now i get it. and i think people who have in their life loved ones who deal with addiction or mental health challenges, they understand. for people who don't, it's hard ever. and so i'm really glad, i'm very humbled to hear people understand it once they read the
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story and see that there is another side. there is hope and possibility and optimistic. >> to be honest, i think everybody does understand. i think as human beings it is easier for us to judge a situation that is happening outside of us because when we are not in love or when we don't love somebody or we're not be experiencing a negative thing with a loved one, the answer is obvious, you know, so you go you should do this, you shouldn't do that, it is like when you are watching a tv show, you no he what all the characters should do. but you are the character in your own t strrks show and then you never know what to do from episode to episode. >> that is so beautifully said. i could not agree more. you are right, when you are judging somebody else, if you are in that position, would you do the same thing. >> trevor: it is so easy, because you are watching it, that is what it is, humma thank you for joining me. >> thank you for having me. >> the book both/and, is available why wherever books are sold, we will take a quick break but will be right back after hi. i'm shannon storms bador. when we started selling my health products online
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the tonight, before we go this weekend a series of tornadoes raffaged six states and dozens of towns a krot the central united states, the global empowerment mission are on the ground in kentucky and need your help, so approximate you can please donate to their kentucky fund at the link below, your support will directly impact all of the effected communities, here it is, your moment of zen.
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>> bridgette what is the emergency. >> ♪ i don't want a lot for christmas. ♪ just. ♪ i don't care about the variants. ♪ because of natural immunity. ♪ i won't wear a useless mask. ♪ i don't need to stay at home. ♪ and my kids sthud go it to school. ♪ we don't need to be alone. ♪ i just want my freedom now. ♪. >> the constitution will show us how. ♪ make my dream come true. captioning made possible by comedy central
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♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ ♪ headed on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ( mumbling ) ♪ so come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ why do we always hold the "sundance film festival" here ? it's so painfully crowded. people from l.a. love to come to a quaint little town, and this gives them an excuse. this used to be a quaint little town, now look at it, sushi restaurants, upscale clothes stores, $25 dollar parking, liam neeson. i think we've tapped this town's resources out. we must move the festival to another small town and begin again. that's not a bad idea, but where ?
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( humming ) ( noisy street hubbub ) whoa. o.k. children, i have some very exciting news for you, why don't you tell them mr. twig ? that's right, mr. garrison, the first annual "south park film festival" begins today. wow, cool ! they're not gonna show that stupid-ass "godzilla" movie ? no, these are "independent" films. like "independence day" ? that sucked-ass too. independent films are those black & white hippie movies. they're about gay cowboys eating pudding. no, independent films are produced outside the hollywood system. without all the glitz and glamor. you show me one thatisn'tabout gay cowboys eating pudding. you have no idea what you're talking about, fat-ass ! i'm not fat, i just haven't grown into my body yet, skinny bitch ! if you call wendy a "bitch" one more time, i'm sending you to the principal's office. bitch.


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