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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  January 26, 2022 1:15am-2:00am PST

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light hearted. >> going forward, that's what we'll do. >> trevor: my man, glad you think of these things. let's jump right into today's headlines. we kick things off with joe byron, the president who puts the hip in hip remaintenance. like most presidents, biden has a complicated relationship with the media. i get it. they pick at him, challenge his decisions and even get their own room in his house which is insane. nobody else has to set aside a guest room for their haters. well, yesterday, biden's true feelings about at least one member of the press slipped out. >> "cbs morning": "on monday when a fox news reporter asked him a question about inflation, mr. biden fired off an insult. >> doocy: do you think inflation is a political liability going into the midterms? >> biden: that's a great asset. more inflation. what a stupid son of a bitch. >> reporter: doocy says president biden later called him to clear the air and to say his comments were not personal.
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>> doocy: within about an hour of that exchange, he called my cell phone and he said it's nothing personal, pal. and we went back and forth and we were talking about just kind of moving moving forward and i made sure to tell him that i'm always going to try to ask something different than what everybody else is asking. and he said you've got to, and that's a quote from the president, so i'll keep doing it." >> trevor: you see? this is what happens when you have been on zoom calls two years. you forget real life doesn't have a mute button. son of a bitch. was that out loud? sorry. ( laughter ) a lot of people were asking the biden even knew the microphone was on. guys, come on, he's sitting there talking into a giant microphone so there's at least a 50/50 chance he knew it was there.
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a lot of people online are dunking on the reporter saying he deserved this because he's just some fox news guy asking a dumb question, and they're right. i mean, do you think inflation is a political liability is a very stupid question. what's biden supposed to say? no, i think people like spending more money to buy the same shit. if you get to ask the president a question, you should ask him real questions like why can't the c.d.c. get its messaging straight on covid, or can you ask your dog to stop chew manager uh arm? because of this moment, many people are saying this shows that biden and trump treat the press with the same level of animosity, and i'm sorry, guys, no, i can't accept that. i cannot believe that people would even say something so disrespectful about my man donald jiu jitsu trump. first of all, he wouldn't mumble that into a hot mic. he would scream that in your face. get that son of a bitch out of here! so rude!
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so rude! my crimes are my business! biden dropped one offhand diss to a reporter. he's no legend. attacking the press is donald trump's whole thing. remember that guy. show some respect! don't compare him to trump. can you imagine? >> you've got to know about the hot mics, right? >> trevor: yeah. >> you've got to know. when i'm on the show here, you know, i know that if i want to talk tom shit, i got to cover up my mic and our audio guy, for me, he puts it on my wrist so i can cover it up and say to you our audio guy sucks, right, one to have the worst audio guys i've heifer met in show business. i'm embarrassed. once you pull it off. he couldn't hear anything. my boy sucks. he's a great dude. see what i'm saying? >> trevor: the -- don't worry.
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>> yeah, this shit works all the time. he's a clown, you know what i'm saying? >> trevor: you got him, kos at . >> that's how i stay alive in this business, dude. >> trevor: you've got a long career ahead of you. let's move to the olympics. time to have the year we sit on our couch and ecritique athletes in sports we just learn exited. we're weeks away from watching our athletes sliding on ice head first, feet first and crammed inside a giant dildo. seems the main event of the olympics will be depending off covid and right now china is doing everything it can to win the gold. >> with the winter games less than two weeks away cities across china are scrambling to contain covid outbreaks and officials in beijing now urging local districts to stay in what they call full emergency mode. >> authorities are tracking down anyone in the city who's bought
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medicine in recent weeks that could be used to treat fever or other symptoms even as simple as ibuprofen and sending text messages ordering them to get covid tests. they're locked out of buildings sometimes without warning to people inside. >> trevor: china doesn't play games. they will in two weeks but not now. can you imagine your building being locked down without any warning? no warning, nothing. especially just after you've broken up with someone? guess what, sheila, we're through! by the way, i slept with your sister, yeah! ha! look, we all said a lot of things back there about sleeping with your sister, you know, shit... but this is way too much oppression for the winter olympics. can we free on that? summer olympics, sure, oppress all you want, but you can't be locking people in their
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apartments for sports like curling. the curling athletes are just, like, guys, guys, we're just sweeping ice, chill. the story gave me perspective because americans change so much when a restaurant asks them to wear a mask, but china will shut down your entire block because somebody bought advil. i tell you now nobody in beijing is sitting inside their house like damn this is just like communist new york! because this is what authoritarian control looks like, the government tracking your ibuprofen purchases. that's between you and your pharmacy and your credit card company and the the google ads you type in head hurt why. not the government. by the way, if you're wondering how china can track every single person who's bought ibuprofen, it's not that hard. they just follow the cvs receipt to their front door. this you? >> you know, i feel like we just
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had the olympics. i just didn't watch the olympics and now you're asking me not to watch another olympics. right? shouldn't go summer, winter, we should just -- what are seasons, man? it's fluid. i think we should combine the winter and summer olympics. underwater bobsled. rhythmic gymnastic archery. figure skating basketball. i would watch that. the biathlon where you skate and shoot the targets, i heard for this one in china you don't shoot targets you just shoot people who tested positive for covid. er i can't confirm that but that's what i heard. >> trevor: i'm going to call the olympic committee and tell them. >> call them. i know you call them a lot. >> trevor: i text normally but i'm calling. finally, education news. every american student knows about the s.a.t. it's the only reason you know what super sillous means.
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it means very sillous. for many years now experts have been saying the s.a.t. isn't very useful, that it doesn't predict how well students will do in college, it's biased against people of color and rich kids can just hire expensive tutors to take the test for them. now the company that makes the test is saying, no, don't throw it out altogether, maybe it just needs an upgrade. >> the s.a.t. was going digital starting next year. today the college board is announcing several changes for the entrance exam taken by millions of high school students each year. they will be answering questions on a digital device for two hours instead of the current three-hour paper test. students still have to go to a school or testing center, the test be taken at home. >> we have been focused on the edge knowledge. students will be able to use their own device or one issued by the school. >> trevor: soon high school students will take the s.a.t.s
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on the same device as browsing tiktok, check friends, amazing. critics are like where is this going to end? made it shorter, put it online. pretty soon it will be a buzz feed quiz saying tell us your favorite ninja turtle and we'll tell you if you're smart enough for yale! this guy likes the show. i like him. they might have a point. the s.a.t. company says they're going to block other tabs from popping up on the screen. you can't go anywhere, just the test and the device will only have the test. i don't know, man. if you try to block pop-ups, you try to close the ad and the next thing you know your ball is deep in a rabbitt hole of many things. all the things you learn in college but i guess it works. >> morecinemore -- morecine timr
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kids? the s.a.t. is not relevant. i didn't go great on the s.a.t. and my vocabulary is still extremely well. i understand and use words wonderfully or as some might call it a necrophiliac. but it's not like it prepares kids to be successful. if you want to prepare kids to be successful teach them to sing in a competition on tv or run through an obstacle course. >> trevor: that's powerful. >> you know what i mean? >> trevor: i feel you completely. >> yeah. >> trevor: i really do. >> i know i need to tell you wht i didn't crush the s.a.t., but i crushed -- >> trevor: i would have never known. >> i know. and, you know, i don't share that with people that often, but to reach the height that i'm at, you know, even though i sit beneath you, pretty low, actually, it's remarkable because my s.a.t. score was pretty bad. >> trevor: and i guess that really has shown that the
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s.a.t., though sometimes shows but in most cases does not. >> totally. >> trevor: because i would have never known you did badly. >> and i don't share that with a lot of people. >> trevor: i don't think you should because no point in bragging. keep that between us. >> you got it. you know what? i didn't -- hold on. i didn't do great on the s.a.t. >> trevor: my man. >> okay, thank you. >> trevor: don't go away. when we come back, we're going to look at why i've with unin the music industry is fighting right now. you don't want to miss it. we love our new home. lots of windows, great light- but the birds. they're back. yes, i hear them. uh-oh. why are these birds so angry?! at least geico makes bundling our home and car insurance easy. we save a lot. i'm going...i'm going. aaaahh! hurry, hurry! i know, i know! for bundling made easy, go to
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! like cocaine, and hominy, beef are an essential part of the music business. tupac versus biggie. the dixie chicks versus george bush. keith richards versus mortality. and with so many new beefs going on in the music world right now, we figured it's about type to settle some of those scores in our brand-new segment we call "beefzuz." ♪♪ ♪♪ >> trevor: all right, all right, everybody! this is our first beef. check this out! one corner neil young, godfather of grunge, man with heart of gold the dude who owns your dad's c.d. shelf, going up against spotify, the streaming service that's paid artists thousands of cents over the years. can't wait to see this beef, hit it! >> fans of neil young might soon
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have one less place to listen to his music. the rocker wants spotify to remove his music from its streaming services due to the spread of covid 19 misinformation on spotify's popular joe rogan podcast. in a statement he said "i'm doing this because spotify is spreading fake information about vaccines potentially causing death to those who believe the disinformation being spread about them. he gave spotify an ultimatum saying they can have joe rogan or neil young but not both. >> trevor: neil young has balls because, yeah, he's popular but he's going up against the guy who's so popular he's the reason kids now have horse dewormer in their lunch boxes. at the same time, spotify should think about this, think about who's going to leave a greater legacy. in 30 years, what are people going to be slow dancing to at their weddings, a neil young ballad or clips of joe rogan being wrong about the vaccine. >> i don't think it's true
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there's an increased risk of myocarditis. >> trevor: it kind of works. to me, the outcome is clear. between neil young and spotify the winner of this beefzuz is guys who love to talk about how everything sounds better on vinyl. a perfect excuse for them to tell you why are you listening to spaft the bitrate ruins the range. next up, taylor swift! dropping albums almost every week but according to the guy from the british ban that was an oasis, she's not putting in enough work! let's see the beef! >> trevor: >> looks like bad blood between taylor swift and damon albarn. during an interview with the "new york times" he claims swift doesn't write her own songs. he says writing music country count if you co-write and co-writing is very different
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than writing. taylor swift slammed the musician on twitter, tweeting, i was such a big fan of yours till i saw this. i write all my own songs. your outtake is false and damaging. you don't have to like my songs but it's messed up to discredit my writing. he said he apologizes unreservedly and unconditionally and said the last thing he would want do is discredit taylor swift. >> trevor: that was the fastest ending beef of all time. one minute the dude is like yo, taylor ain't shit! she didn't rate shitdom and, also, i'm sorry, taylor, please don't hurt me, please. i'm not surprised he realized how wrong he was. t. swift is one of the most renowned lyricist of our generation. meanwhile, his most famous lyric is woo-hoo! no shame in co-writing.
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there's no shame in co-writing. even god had co-writers. all right, there was matthew, mark, luke, john, they'll help with the bible. and no one ever says god's fake. i mean, except ricky gervais. but he's going to hell anyway, so, doesn't count. anyway, it's no surprise who the winsh of the beefzuz between taylor swift and damon albarn is, it's jake gyllenhaal. you see, finally, the heat is off, now he's in the corner like yeah, get that blur guy! and i keep the scarf! ( horn blowing ) let's beef y'all, cardi b, the wappiest wap in the game. thanks to the beef with the youtube blogger, about to see more green. >> a legal victory for cardi b. a judge awarded the singer more than a million dollars after cardi sued blogger tasha k for spreading lies. t.m.z. reporting that the court
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found the youtubeer libel on three separate counts. at issue was tasha k saying cardi b once worked as a pros substitute, did drugs and contracted infections. >> trevor: sue them! beam got to know spreading lies about cardi b is not okay! i'll show myself out. or at the very least, if you're going to lie, be smart about it. if you're going to talk shit about people, don't print them as allegations, that's libel. you should add a beat, now it's a disk track. winning a beef with a blogger isn't what it sounds like. what will they do, garnish her wages for the next 700 years? even though cardi b is declared the winner, pete is the real winner. he said the same shit about
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cardi b but nobody reads his blog so he didn't get sued. time for the final beef! we've got the guitar god, the dude responsible for mottest licks and racist rants of all time eric clapton! he's throwing down once again with long-time rival reality! >> singer eric clapton continuing parade of anti-vax nonsense and this time he says he believes people vaccinated against coronavirus are under mass hypnosis, and he's very serious about this. in an interview, clapton, who is vaccinated, argued that subliminal messaging hidden in advertising is what's leading people to get vaccinated. >> you know the theory of mass hypnosis formation, once i kind of start to look for it, i saw it everywhere, and then i remembered seeing little things on youtube which were, like, subliminal advertising. >> trevor: huh -- so he heard about the hypnosis and he didn't
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noth it and then he looked for it and saw it everywhere, so he got hypnotized? come on, people. this conspiracy theory is so ridiculous, subliminal advertising? it's not even a real thing. i mean, this really drives home being an expert as one thing does not necessarily make you an expert at everything because eric clapton is an amazing guitar player. i'm just not going to listen to him about covid anymore than i would buy an album from dr. fauci. ♪ i'm dr. fauci and i'm here to say covid is mitdzing up the u.s.a. ♪ this is almost not a beef because reality doesn't care about your hot takes. it's reality. try having an argument with oncoming traffic and let menoy how that works out. still, we have to pick a winner and the winner of this beefzuz is kanye west. you thought he was saying crazy shit but next to eric clapton, he's basically barack obama. taylor, i'm going to let you
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finish but, uuuuuu... psych! all right, that's enough of the beef. let's take a break. when we come back, w. kamau bell will be on the show to talk will be on the show to talk about bill cosby. (vo) this year, t-mobile for business is here to help you hit the ground running. when you switch to t-mobile and bring your own device, we'll pay off your phone up to $800. you can keep your phone. keep your number. and get your employees connected on the largest and fastest 5g network. plus, we give you $200 in facebook ads on us! so you can reach more customers, create more opportunities, and make this the best year for your business yet. visit your local t-mobile store today. the kfc chicken sandwich is only served one way: straight from the fryer, piping hot, and kentucky fried to order. if you don't like it this way, you'll have to go somewhere else. kfc. it's finger lickin' good.
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daily show. my guest tonight is comedian and director, w. kamau bell. he's here to talk about his new docuseries, "we need to talk about cosby." uh. >> one of the reasons that it was difficult for people to really accept that cosby was what he ultimately is is that i don't think that people were willing to countenance that kind of exponent of hypocrisy. >> it's just so different. if someone trusts you and you drug that person, you know, that's where i struggle because here's a guy i love on one
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level, but yu do that to someone, you're a (~bleep~) monster. >> trevor: w. kamau bell, welcome to "the daily show." >> may be my last time. >> trevor: what do you mean? you know why i appreciate you? the last time we spoke was in the heart of the pandemic. it was in my apartment and you were at home as well. we were talking and i said every single time i see you you're talking about racism and bringing the room down. i see you felt that as challenge. you said, you know, i'm going to show you and we're going to talk about bill cosby. >> you thought i brought the room down before, the room is down and a lot are down on me right now. >> trevor: why would you choose to do this? i remember you calling me and saying, hey, i'm doing this documentary about bill cosby, would you like to be in it? and i was, like, no. there was no reason i would want to be a part of the documentary. in all honesty, bill cosby
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wasn't a cultural influence in my life. >> we talked about that. >> trevor: it's so weird because i'm glad i watchet this documentary because i truly understand how big bill cosby was. tell me why you think we need to talk about cosby? >> i appreciate you talking about that phone call because i got a lot of nos from a lot of people. i have been clear, other than hannibal, i haven't said who said no so thank you for outing you recall. >> trevor: a lot of people said no? >> of course. >> trevor: i only did baud i didn't think i could add to the conversation. >> a lot of people, i mean, if you stack the yeses next to the nos. >> trevor: wow. >> a lot of people had a lot of -- i mean, i had really great conversations like the one i had with you with people for a long time that ended in no. >> trevor: so when you were getting all the nos, did you think i should not be making this thing? >> yeah, that was one. and even as i sit here i'm, like, should i be making this
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thing? i'm always drawn to difficult conversations, that's kind of my thing. >> trevor: yes, youio. >> and because bill cosby was such a huge cultural, racial figure in my life and so chartered a path, that's, like, that's the path i should be on, do good work, be a comedian but do good in the world. a lot of back folks in my generation were gutted to find out about the allegations and wrestled with do i believe them and i believe them. and that conversation is going in my head all the time. every time he makes an appearance, send out a tweet, i'm always talking to other people about it and i find myself in a position of talking to the producers of this doc about it and they never thought about it this bay and this is where i ended up. i can only say i was compelled to do it by something that was not rationale. >> trevor: i think you doing it has honestly opened up one of the hardest conversations we ought to be having in society not just specifically about bill cosby but society as a whole.
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it feels like especially when you watch the docu-series that almost three generations of people will exists. >> yes. >> trevor: there are the people who came up with cosby. you are sort of in the heart of that. >> yeah, because as a child, cosby was -- >> trevor: he was part of shaping you, really. >> mm-hmm. >> trevor: people were talking about this just before we were coming out for the interview, my producers, and they were talking about how in white families, it was cosby -- >> he was america's dad, not black america's dad. >> trevor: right. and he had done so much. and we talk about how you learn this in the documentaries, like how cosby changed stuntmen in america. cosby said hey, you can't have white guys in blackface doing stunts. just get black stuntment. >> no black stunt performers before bill cosby. >> trevor: you have a generation who said bill cosby changed my world in the best
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ways. then you have the now generation who just knows bill cosby as the rapist guy, and then the generation that goes, man, how do we live with the myth and the man. >> trevor: yeah. >> did you answer that question in the documentary yourself? >> i think the way is to deal with all of it. i think the only way you can deal with it, roland martin makes a great point, you can't talk about america in the 21st g about bill cosby. he says black america, but you can't talk about america in the 21st century without talking about bill cosby, but you also can't ignore all the things that have come out in the 21st 21st century. >> trevor: right. >> this doc is about creating a space to talk about all of it. it's we need to talk about cosby, not here's my thoughts about cosby. in the clip, there's nuance, anger, sorrow, a lot of it is based in conflict or roiling frustration and you have to talk about all of it. otherwise, we have to lose central parts of american
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history. a lot of people are waiting for the conversation to happen in some kind of format. another part of america says it's not time. when i started, he was in prison. i felt like it's time, and then he got out. >> trevor: he got out on the last day of filming. >> y e. >> trevor: two questions, one, how did you feel about that? and, two, did you ever reach out to him to be a part of the documentary? >> he got out on the last day of filming, one to have the most surreal moments in my life, tomorrow he releases information about the doc. i thought, yay, maybe the project goes away because it's so hard to make. i didn't reach out because it's a conversation about him. it's not about a true crime documentary or behind finding out what the person thinks. it's about the legacy, the work, the allegations. it felt we had worked hard as a team to earn the survivors trust to have the conversations in a more open way and that would have felt a betrayal of their
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trust to put bill cosby in this. >> trevor: what i appreciated in this documentary is how you were having the conversations. you had to tackle it in a nuanced way. what happened? seemed like there was more to the conversation. what do you think we missed in some of the ways we were trying to have conversations in and around cosby and in many of his survivors who came out? >> it was really important for me and the film-makers and the producers to say let's show people who they were. if anything happens maybe some woman was telling you how playboy worked and who hugh he have never was, another man in this era and you go she's an expert because she was a playmate in playboy magazine, then you go she's a survivor. you get to meet her as an expert in her field and then not bringing all that the survivor is about to tell me the story, too. >> trevor: do you think it is possible to separate the artist
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from the art? >> we separate the art from the artist all the time. >> trevor: hmm. >> so many ways, could be musicians, actors, they don't have to be criminals. you're talking about eric clapton. there are a lot of people who don't agree with any of his vaccine substances but felt touched by the song "tears in heaven." we don't do anything about it till it becomes somebody so s iminal as bill cosby. in this doc, we can take the art seriously but we have to talk about the other stuff. >> trevor: i tell you this, this documentary, i can't imagine how hard and scary it is to make. >> it's still scary now trevor. >> trevor: i appreciate that. but i appreciate it on a personal level because i think it gives people an opportunity to consume an extremely complicated story and a complicated legacy in one of the most nuanced ways possible.
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thank you for putting yourself on the line. i want you to know, if your career ends, i will, like, claim that i never knew you. but i appreciate what you did. >> and i will respect that. this tape will be deleted. i understand. >> trevor: for real, congratulations and thank you very much. >> thank you very much, trevor. >> trevor: "we need to talk about cosby" premieres january 30th on showtime. okay, we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.
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the 49th anniversary of roe v. wade and, while it is still law in much of the country, women's reproductive rights are being threatened. but planned parenthood is on the ground, helping deliver vital reproductive health care, sex education, and information to millions of people, not just in the united states, but worldwide. if you want to support them in their mission, please donate at the link below. until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember: you never know when there's a microphone recording so just to be safe, call everyone a stupid son-of-a-bitch. now, here it is -- your moment of zen. ♪♪ ♪♪ >> i -- i see murders that you don't get to see the way that i see them.
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captioning made possible by comedy central - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪
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- mom! mom, get up, we have to go. mom, get up. - oh, poopiekins, it's very early. - mom, i told you, the new sony psp game machine goes on sale at seven a.m. today. i have to be the first to get one. come on. - sweetie, can't we go after school? - everyone's moms are taking their kids after school. we're outsmarting everyone by getting to the store right when it opens. let's go. i can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces when i show up to school with a psp. i wonder if kyle will cry. oh, please, let kyle cry.
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what the hell? kenny, when did you get here? - [muffled] - friday? aw, jesus. i'll just sort of get in here. - hey, dickhole, what do you think you're doing? - uh, my friend kenny was saving my place in line. - there's no saving places, fourthie. get to the back, or we'll beat your face in. - oh, god damn it! they'd better not sell out. - that thing is pretty cool. what games did you get with it? - it's a game called "heaven versus hell." kenny commands the armies of heaven against the forces of satan. dude, you see what kenny got? - yes, yes, i know. up yours, kyle! - what'd i do? - just shut your jew mouth! - congratulations. you have reached level nine. - wow, level nine already? dude, you kick ass at "heaven versus hell." - yeah, kenny finally found something he's really good at.
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[funk music] ♪ ♪ [screaming] ♪ ♪ - kenny? - kenny, kenny, are you still playing with that thing? kenny, it's been two weeks, and you've done nothing else. - [muffled] - who cares if you almost made it to level 60? you're wasting your life, kenny. if you died tomorrow, what would have to show for your it? you're gonna end up wishing you'd done more with your life just like your deadbeat father. - hey, i heard that, bitch. - i wasn't talking to you, asshole. - how about i come in there and kick your teeth in? - i'd like to see you try. - god damn it, you have to smart off to me in my own house? - it's my house, too, you no-good loser. - you have reached level 60.


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