beliefs and values we will again. when we look back on our lives we probably won't spend a lot of time thinking about the fiscal cliff or even the 2012 election but we will remember the moments we shared with our family and our friends during the holidays. those memories and the chance to create new ones make this time of year different from any other. more than 2,000 years ago a child was born in a lowly manger who saved a people and changed a world. may you see miracles big and small next week and in the new year. and that is it for us tonight. thanks for watching. i'm in for bill o'reilly. please remember the is spin it stops right here because we are
and in croatia he is considered a garnish, my sidekick, bill schulz. michael moynihan and his christmas wish is to be wrapped around fish. our new york times correspondent. >> according to arts and leisure there are only four more shopping days until, that's right, the premiere of "less miserables" and i will be there. i will be there ♪ ♪ and this i swear to you tonight ♪ ♪ there is no place for you to hide ♪ ♪ your child will live within my care ♪ ♪ wherever you may hideaway
♪ and i will raise it to the light ♪ ♪ i swear to you ♪ i swear to you ♪ i will be there ♪ but i want to see "the hobbit." >> porch you ruin everything. greg? >> thanks for that. you guys are on top of your game tonight downstairs in that control room. it is friday night drinking. everybody is wasted. it is santa's sleigh, no place for a lay. news busters call itself a christmas image viewers could not have done without, or could have done without. and the detroit news says it goes somewhere it hospital. it shouldn't. and my cousin clarence said it was sticky. anyway, they are talking about the samsung ad.
>> santa, we made a video for your trip. you can watch it on your sleigh. there you go. >> thanks, elves. >> i also made you a video. >> you are so sweet. >> but you probably shouldn't watch it on the sleigh. say goodbye to santa, boys. >> bye, santa. >> the next big thing. it is disgusting. who could forget this one for mario brothers?
>> i hope that was a purely natural reaction from the cat and nothing else. i want to go to you first. you have strong opinions about christmas. very, very emotionally. >> i also find fat men sexy, so you should come to me. >> can you defend this sick and depraved ad? i find it disgusting. >> what is wrong with you? here is the deal, santa comes down the chimney. he exchanges cookies for presents. i think we are all fully aware of what is in the box. >> presents? >> have you not cut a a box? have you not stuck your junk in that box? >> that is a different network. >> oh my god. i can't trust you to do anything wholesome on this show. >> i don't know why you have me here. >> well, do i know, but that is another story for another time. moynihan, we arrested the guy who made the innocence of islam video. shouldn't we do the same to
the people who made this ad? >> absolutely. was that convincing? totally. this is an offense against nature. i love the people of gnus bust -- of news busters. sometimes they have good stuff. this is like a pc thing, right? am i wrong about this? >> you can address this thing without being out rained. without being out rained. outraged. >> why do you have to address it? is that his wife, by the way? is that santa clause's wife? >> mrs. claus is her name. >> her name is thelma and she lives a block away jiecht i knew we shouldn't have had a jew on the show. >> i thought you were going have an atheist. what happened? >> don't say that word on this show. >> welcome to the show. who the hell wants to think about santa having sex? by the way, we can talk about this. it is a late night show. why do they ask that rhetorical question.
>> keep it down. >> keep it up. no really, keep it up. >> what do you make of this? >> i was shocked. i always question santa's het row sexuality. he wears the red suit with the fur on it and donning gay apparel and hangs out with a guy named prancer. i was shocked by the whole thing. >> really? >> i know what, all of the reindeer are named after porn stars. they are basically stripper names. >> really? that's true. >> think about it, really. go through them all. dasher, dancer, prancer, vixen, comet, cupid. >> after i go to bill where bill will say something stupid because you watched this commercial 60 times today. >> yes. i am still recovering. i apologize for having to sit next to you. i don't have a problem with the ad. i don't see what the problem is.
if you are old enough to know what a zeks --sextg is you don't know what santa is anyway. you mean a sex tape. >> welcome to 2013, my friend. >> i just question the acting. santa reacted with a slightly horny eyebrow raise of a reaction. when we see it is mrs. claus giving him this video it should have been pro projectile jobing mitt. >> this is a -- vomit. >> this is a wholesome relationship. it is a good fertil love making thing. >> i ask the question, it is not the commercial, it is the idea. we live in a society where the concept of a sex tape is now everyday veer thack lar. vernacular. it can be anywhere including a commercial for santa clause. i am not offended by the
commercial, but by the fact that we no longer care where we put things. we can do whatever we want. we have changed as a society. could the easter bunny have a three way with the easter bunny and win knee the pooh? >> i sauce -- i saw "rise of the guardian" and that did not exist in the film. >> i just want to say that was a great tribute to robert bork. you have these weird explosions of christian conservatism. are you really upset that there is a proliferation of references to sexes? am i misunderstanding? >> you are miss con trueing it. misconstruing it and i think there will be an apology during half time. you always have to have somebody that says hold on a minute. if you don't have somebody that says hold on a minute, everything is game. i play the role of somebody that says okay now we have a commercial in which the idea of a sex tape which was reel
-- reel law gated to the world of paris hilton. it is part of a commercial in prime time which kids could see. i am not offended by it, but the idea for me suggests that we are moving further down the road where we really don't care about who we are talking to. >> we are slouching toward gamora, as somebody might have said in the past. >> who said that? >> robert bork. i don't know if you are not reading these books. >> this is what i hate about you. you actually are fairly literal. >> is that considered literal? >> bork is a great guy. i met him once. >> he had a great beard. >> from sleigh rides to slayings. when it comes toy ter national slumber -- comes toy ter national slum deer is one the loneliest number? they released a study saying rock stars die sooner.
and solo artists are twice as likely to exit earlier than members of bands. the researchers studied over a thousand famous musicians between 1956 and 2006 and determined the average expiration date for north american stars was age 45. and for european ones, age 40. the fro jill tee of the -- the fragility may have something to do with the lifestyle of a music critic. noting, quote, you tend to be dealing with people more emotionally extreme. they have an ego in a way a drummer and a band does president. doesn't. tell that to an insensitive moon. the salsa spider is taking the report in stride. >> the worst part brrrr that
video -- the worst part about that video is carrie is laughing about the whole thing. none of you is seeing the joyous laughter. >> i try so hard to make you laugh for reasons you will never understand. did you ever date a rock star, and if so is he still alive? >> i have no idea. and yes i have no idea. i think the thing that is fascinating about this story is it takes place 1956 to 2006? the majority of that time they were bakely being paid in heroin. they were basically being paid in heroin. it is not surprising that they are no longser around. >> the -- they are no longer around. >> it is the curranly -- it is the currency that killed them. amy wine house and jim morrison, he was in the monkeys. jimmy hendrix, a phenomenal guitarist, stone temple pilots, they all died at age
27. doesn't that bring the average down? isn't this an exaggerated were drastic deaths as opposed to an average maybe? >> first of all, i was delighted by the statistics. that means beaver will be out of our lives sooner rather than later. >> how dare you? >> justin bieber is our generation's david cassidy. >> i rest my point. >> i watched the concert for sandy. >> i know what you are getting. >> i love robert but you are old. keep your shirt on. >> speak for yourself. >> did you just -- >> i just said he had a great looking chest. >> you know what tom is getting at which is important is rock stars have a hard time growing old. if you look at aerosmith's steven tyler he looks like an upper eastside elderly woman.
he is covered in scarfs. he has no weight on him. he should be holding a little puppy and perhaps walking with a stroller and buying weird goods. from a pharmacy that isn't a brand name pharmacy, the kind that where things are cheap and dusty, you know? and the things he buys have those swrels on them. and you don't know what they are for. they are going to go in places -- >> bill, -- >> you have really thought about this. >> does it make you sad you will die as young as most rock stars, but without the benefits of being a rock star? >> i didn't until i just put that in my brain. i am very depressed. >> they said there is the overall level of talent they have or the creativity that might have something to do with it. it was all very vague. there is something to that. it is before they discovered the black tar heroin. there is something about their creative process that doesn't make them good for this world. i will give you an example.
i read a profile of the lovely fee yow -- fiona apple. it was great. >> why don't you go work there? >> i probably will. >> it is a sick -- cyclical industry. >> i really reading it and the guy became friends with her and they are talking about all of this pain she had before now and will have in the future. the whole time you are like, this is a talented girl, not my type of music, but very talented girl. and she won't be here much longer. she is a very delicate flower. >> women are different than men. diswhrie is another part of the story that said after 25 years of being in the business, they had a longer life span after that. you had to get through that 25 years. >> it is the iggy pop syndrome. you do all of these drugs, and then you hit a certain point where your body is immune and you quit the drugs and you are skinny for the rest of your life. >> another great chest.
>> i think he iggy looks good. i. >> you know what i am talking about. >> i interviewed iggy pop on a number of occasions. shut up. tom, you know what i think is the biggest culprit? kiss asses. they are the people that are around you that will never tell you when you are doing something bad. michael jackson every night is going to bed with pro -- pro -- propophyl. people will not tell you when you are doing something bad because they are on your payroll and it allows you to die. >> isn't that what happened with britney all the time? >> the train wreck happens and that person makes $50 million a year because that's what kurt cobain makes for the people that survived him. his estate. >> well if you get over the hump, if you become an iggy pop or keith richards.
>> or the big bop? >> a certain amount of drugs turns your blood into embalming fluid, and you shall live forever. >> this is not a message we want people at home to hear. >> kids, it has to be the right combination. >> again, not the message we want our people to hear. you know what it is? creativity excuses bad behavior. so somebody could be like i'm out. i just wrote a great song so i will score some heroin and nobody stops it. creativity does not excuse bad behavior at all. in fact it demands better behavior so the creativity can flourish. >> okay. >> the more you know. >> words to grow on. >> gi joe could have said it better. >> greg, you just turned into my dad. what happened there? >> i forgot to ask you a question. >> my answer to that would have been amazing. >> then answer me.
>> i am not giving it to you. screw you. >> the people excuse the creative people because we want creative people around. it is nice when you have something inspiring in the world and something out of the box and different. i love creative people. >> thank you for that. >> and if that means we only get them for a short period of time like a shooting star or something, then that's what we get. >> an excuse for killing people. jay we have to take a break -- >> we have to take a break. coming up, should you approach beautiful women at bars? she discusses her new book, stay the hell away from me you ugly pig. first, a story about one direction. looks like i have died and gone to one direction heaven which is my basement filled with pictures of one direction.
that was not about me. clarify that. >> she turns rough if you puff. i speak of madonna, a proud owner of of a hover round. she said she would can sell a concert because of a fan who was smoking a cigarette in chile. tmz acquired the video. >> if are you going to smoke cigarettes, i am not doing this show.
>> proof that madonna is actually sexier in layers. video from another angle surfaced showing whom madonna was yelling at. >> he is going to eat it too. did you see that? >> she was so pissed to see one of her ex-boyfriends there. >> no, you know who that was? that was billy idol. >> he was smoking with himself. >> did madonna overreact or under react. >> it is hysterical that she is dressed in a black hood like the grim reaper telling people not to smoke. it is raining, the cigarettes will go out. and third of all, wasn't she married to sean penn who was up to nine packs a day. >> she smoked.
>> yes. >> so we are victims of secondhand whining. i can't stand it. >> but it is outside. it is outside in a country that smokes a lot. >> exactly. >> where do you think you are yelling at people like you are their mother. >> do you think she would have yelled at them if they were smoking pot? she is probably high as it is. i don't have proof, so madonna don't call me. she often does after a "red eye" after i insult her. we have conversations about things i clearly don't remember. michael, do you think she would do the same thing for pot, that was the question. >> can i pick another one? >> sure. is madonna not as cool as we thought? what about that one? >> funny you ask me that. she is -- has she been cool ever? i don't remember her being cool. >> madonna is definitely cool. >> she wore bras on the outside. >> she was the coolest chick
out there. >> the cool people in this sex book -- she said i am doing it in this sex book with vanilla ice. cool people don't have photo books of them -- what can i say on television? i can't say what she was doing on television. >> performing the caw ma -- the kama-sutra. >> we all have one boyfriend in our past we wish we don't have pictures with. >> was that pauly shore for you? >> one time. >> but that was a relationship that lasted seven years. >> well, that was only two weeks ago. >> it's all right. he is doing fine now. he wanted me to tell you that everything was okay. >> good. >> he moved on. >> he went to the doctor. >> he went to the doctor and things are going away and coming back and then going away. bill, have we come to this conclusion as a planet that madonna is an awful person who has become everything that she used to make fun of? when she was a kid she
probably made fun of people like her. >> right. and i was talking with paully at his new bar, the shore thing. i was saying this is a nice bookend to the last story we were talking about. if you want to go to an advanced age as a pop star, at some poit you have to more of into a school marm. she has successfully done that. i have advice. in the article they said she was incredulous because she was yelling at these guys and they wouldn't put the cigarette out. you are in chile. they speak spanish. they had no idea what you were talking about. think, madonna, think. >> actually they speak chilean. >> well they speak chilean, think, madonna. >> that is amazing what you are doing there. >> that's my sea bass for you. chilean ones. >> how is the next one? >> i don't care if you are in
danger. >> we have to take a break. stop it. do you have a comment on the show? why did i say stop it? e-mail us. >> keep going for good sake. do you have a video of your animal doing something? click on submit a video and we might still use it. still to come, something we like to call the half time report from something we like to call andy levy. he is a big nothing, a zero, zilch. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by stamps. small pieces of gumped paper to show postage has been paid. thanks, stamps.
let's find out if we have anything wrong sfor that we go . andy, should we discuss part two on our feelings of "love actually." >> yes, five pages. >> excellent. i think the viewers need to know. >> i just printed out my pamphlets. >> it is weird. it is like half of "love actually" and half racist propaganda. >> they are both the same. >> they are both the same. >> they are both great. >> i printed out the minutes from the last meeting. >> is that a candy bar? but you keep thinking that. >> i called you a dog nut. >> samsung santa ad. carrie, you said you don't
even know why we have you on the show. it is because much like the movie "love actually" you are a delight. >> andy, happy holidays. are you coming over? my mom wants to meet you. >> what is nice is because he is wearing black and he is in that studio -- >> you just see a black floating head. >> it is like the cover of "meet the beatles." >> she our jombi from "pee wee's play house." what is the word of the day, jombi? >> maka-lika-hi maka johnny ho. >> in news busters' they were not outraged. they just said this is dumb. >> they were not in allout outrage this. >> not really. if you read the actual piece -- >> oh, i didn't do that.
>> what happens on the "red eye" they give you an intro and then they show you a clip and then i work off that. i didn't read the story. >> working out well for you. >> it is going to be fun when you remember the last time you were on "red eye" which was this date. they used to have me on all the time. why do you think they stopped having me on? >> god i love those guys. i miss them. >> and mrs. clause's wife is name is lela. >> she slept with eric clapton. >> who said that? >> i don't know, but it is apparently true. >> mrs. claus' name is leayla? >> when you are done with the show you will go to your come -- computers or computer phone things and type in layla clause and you will see i am right. >> she has santa on her knees. it is a lyric. >> wow. >> in my here i just heard, i
caught that. >> don't feel special, he did the same thing to me. couple things, advertising journal says of this ad, quote, the ad exudes warmth and talks about old people are entitled to their happiness and privacy. first of all, let's get to the heart of the matter. i don't care about santa clause. i don't want to see commercials about any old people being sexual. >> i will go a step further. i don't want to see anybody being sexual. whatever you can do in a bedroom i i don't want to see publicly. i find it distasteful. >> unless you are paying for it. it >> you know what, it is not old people. santa never gets old, you jerk. you wouldn't know that would you, andy. >> santa is ageless which in my mind equals old. >> you would say that because you don't participate in the joy of christmas. >> no, i don't. >> what do you do? >> i -- >> watch santa porn? >> another point, greg, again
they are saying old people are entitled to their happiness and pry -- pry -- privacy. you have to stop them. >> why do we have viagra and old men attacks -- attacking polls. >> if you have watched the commercials you know all viagra does is make you buy cars from the 1970s and drive through in nevada. >> and start a garage band with other 60-year-olds. >> and hold hands in a bathtub in the wilderness. >> which actually this leads to rock stars dying earlier than general population. tom, you asked if people would watch the concert for sandy. that was the greatest cialis commercial of all time. it was like a five-hour cialis commercial. >> if jefferson airplane ever redid one of their classic songs it would be "go cialis." >> i got that one. >> i am super psyched you are not having me back.
i was sad for a second. >> because you are jealous you didn't think of that? >> it is like getting out of prison. >> that was a good-bad joke. it was a good-bad joke. ♪ go see alice ♪ i think it will grow >> ♪ if it lasts for hours ♪ go see alice ♪ see a doctor ♪ promptly >> ♪ one pill makes you larger >> or you can say see a doctor if it is 10 feet tall. >> are we going have to pay for this song now? >> we are going to pay for this. >> i want to go to karaoke
with you guys. >> greg, you said the study showed the average expiration date for north american stars was 45 and european ones 40. i think that means to be serious for a minute that the average -- that was the average age of the stars who actually died. not of all of the rock stars altogether. do you see what i'm saying? >> no. >> if that is the average -- if you take like every european rock star, ones who are still alive and ones who are dead and you say the average age you are going to die is 39,. >> right. >> i am not buying that. >> if you say out of all of the ones that have died the average age they died at was 39 and that makes sense to me. >> okay. >> you know, that article said the european rock stars died earlier than the american rock stars. it makes no sense. >> health care. they get ill and they wait in line and they die waiting for -- >> is that where are you going to take this right now? >> yes, i did it, i brought it back to socialism. >> see if are you a rock star
in the united states, not for long because of obama care. >> it may just be they have better drugs. >> no, no, no. that's ridiculous. they have terrible drugs. that's why they die. >> tomato-tomato. >> so bill wyman is waiting at the nhs? >> when we lived in london we had private health care. when i moved there they said you are not doing nhs. they put mooy on some weird thing and the -- they put me on some weird thing and oh the times i had. >> bill, did you say you wrote a profile of fee yow gnaw apple? i said, oh that was really good. thanks for acknowledging i could read. >> apparently the american drugs are good. >> then they started talking about myself in the third person.
>> you kept going on and on about how good it was. >> it was one of my finest works. >> it is one of the writer's finest works. >> bill, i actually agree that a lot of this is the artistic personality or whatever you want to call it. i don't think it applies to just musicians. it is actors, am buds man, painters, whatever. >> just the top esh lon of artists, the misunderstood and cat loving. >> when you go to your ambudsman meeting is this something you talk about? >> it is not something we talk about. >> is it consisting of you in a bathroom mirror? >> yes. >> greg, i also agree with you that part of this is that creativity excuses bad behavior. really it is a vicious circle that goes around and around and never ends. >> way to quote ratt. >> who has a dead rock star.
>> oh god, too soon, man, too soon. >> he died like eight years ago. >> they misspelled ratt, ifing they will die young. >> and the singer is related to milton burrell. check that. it is true. >> it is facts like that that make you stupid. >> yes, i know. you are absolutely right. it came out of my mouth. i am really embarrassed. >> i i was thinking the same thing. i thought do people need to be reminded milton burrell was in one of the rock videos. by the way ratt reformed. they are on tour, i believe. >> is bobbie still playing drums? >> he has to be. it is not ratt without him. >> why am i in this three-shot. >> i am falling in love with him right now. >> i could keep going. >> he just divorced his wife. >> can you just go really hard in on that. >> here is my cup.
>> you will have to bleep that last one out. >> perhaps. >> just a couple of last things before i go. vaguely about the madonna story. it is a hover round not a hover round. do you even watch fox news sph. >> i do. when i see -- i should have said hover round and i said hover round. >> i thought you were making a joke. >> i wasn't, but it almost was. >> carrie, you got a who the hell does she think she is in this context. i think she thinks she is madonna. >> i think she used to be madonna. >> that's the thing. >> now she is madg. >> that's true. >> who is madg? what character is madg, no it is palmolive. >> you are soaking in it. how old are you people? >> very old. respect your elders.
>> do you have viagra? >> boink. >> did you hear that? >> are we done? andy, you are supposed to say you are done or we will stand here or sit here and look stupid. >> that's what i was going for. all right, head, go away. coming coming up, what is so miraculous about miracle whip? there you go. first is justin bieber anti-hamster? the story president obama doesn't want you to hear.
is he a monster? for ditching his hamster? justin bieber, if that's his real name, has been accused of animal cruelty after he gave his pet rodent to a shrieking fan outside a concert. this is terrible. the california hamster association, yes, them again, says the pop star's so-called gift was death sentence for his fury and former pal. is this a real story?
a spokesperson tells tmz "the moment that hamster was handed to a screaming girl if a harsh frenzied environment was likely the moment it gazed at the short path to its doom." this person is genius. i think this is fake. tmz says the 18-year-old fan at the center of this scandal says, quote, vowed to treat the animal as a tiny rodent god, like me. and promised to love and cherish it forever. let's discuss this in the -- >> lightning roooooouuuunnnddd. lightning round. >> carrie, could you argue that justin actually did the hamster a favor that by giving it to a super fan, he knows that hamster will be better taken care of than most people on the planet? >> yes because tour buss are no place to raise a hamster. ask journey. >> it is true. it is literally a treadmill.
>> who wants to be on a treadmill for the rest of their lives going round and round and round. >> sleeping in nothing but wood shavings. which is how zz top travels. an interesting fact i made up. tom, what do you know about the california hamster club? >> it is not the club, it is the cha. i am a devoted member. you have to get over yourself. why do you bring rodents to a concert? unless it is a ratt concert. >> or mice on mars. >> he didn't throw the hamster. he handed it to this young lady. she is treating it like the hamster god it is. it is a happy ending. i don't know what is wrong with it. >> i hope it is a happy ending. i. >> i was just thinking the same thing. >> it is christmas. by the way it is christmas.
it is true. you don't want hamsters to become some sick currency amoung pop stars and their fans. are they animals or vegetables? >> before tonight i never heard of one. i looked up the association and i don't believe it was real. >> do you believe the story is real? >> totally not. it was on an unimpeachable source called tmz which follows people around with cameras. no one is asking this important question, j did justin bieber have a hamster at a concert and he was walking out with it, right? i don't know much about this. >> it was the only friend he was allowed. >> he had a plus one and the one was a hamster. >> the only one that fits the tiny laniarld. >> i have never heard anybody use that word on our show. >> ding, ding, ding. >> the word of the day. andy was the first to tell us. >> bill, you once owned a
lampster which is half lamp and half hamster. what is the thought process? >> i like to dress my runts up to battles and world war ii. i want hamster to join him, and we can accurately reenact the third right. >> who was the hamster? oh gosh. that was terrible. >> there must be some nazi that sounds like hamster. >> hitler? >> time for more stuff when we come back.
next topic, three members of the british boy band called one direction were spotted getting tatoos in los angeles. taylor swift's boyfriend seen here got an awesome -- >> back off. he is mine. >> i know. >> he got a pirate ship on his arm while the bandmates got some ink on their own. carrie, are you a grown woman, but you are obsessed with the chaps. why the tattoo? >> why a sailboat? >> why mark a perfect body. >> ink is hot. >> it is not.
it is over. when a boy band gets tattoo it is over. >>- q. i okay, dad. i still think they are -- what is with you today? >> i am just telling you. tatoos are for long shore men and people in the military. when you get boy bands with tattoo -- oh it has been over forever. >> i have seen the dolphin on your ankle. >> you sound like prince's dad in "purple rain" when he was yelling at him as a kid jie. he was right. >> maybe you can rethink the direction of your life. >> get a real job and a haircut. >> am i right? >> you did remind me of the father in madonna's video "papa don't preach." >> you act like when you come up with a point less fact that it is helpful. >> it is very helpful. >> that's all you intoed to know about him. >> try to ignore the moron to
your right. >> we are googling that. >> young people should not get tattoo. it is permanent and the girls get them on the lower back and the upper buttocks. not the dolphin, but the butterfly emerging from the cocoon of the butt crack which makes sense because we have all had butterflies in our butt cracks. 30 years from now it will look like a moth slamming into a windshield. you don't think ahead. focus on later in life. >> they invented lasers so you don't have to plan. >> it is a painful, painful procedure. >> so what. you can get it removed. it is reversible. >> it is a tatoo. i expect you to die. >> you had the tatoo of laithe garrett. >> i am angry at this band. they took none of my suggestions. i thought it would be great to
i will be guest hosting "the o'reilly factor" and watch our annual new year's eve show monday december 31st at 9:30 p.m. pacific. we look back on 2012 and ahead to 2013. guests include lori roth man and tom shillou. joy back to andyly -- >> back to andy levy. >> carrie, how is the show going? >> i thought it was good, but i missed you. >> i missed you too. >> thanks for coming back. >> i thought you meant your show. >> oh my show is great. thanks for askingment that's sweet. >> absolutely. >> vh one's big morning