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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  January 27, 2018 10:00pm-11:00pm PST

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>> i'm a free trader.totally. a fair trader. i'm all kinds of trader. >> greg: i don't know what that means, but i love it. [applause] interesting. another weekend schumer blinked. in an idiotic move the democrats tried hold america hostage putting noncitizens before citizens. what happened? [laughter] the government closed for three days.
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i've had cold sores that lasted longer. with all the panic, what was untouched in the shutdown? food stamps, post office, law-enforcement, the tsa, air traffic controller, power grid maintenance, border control, cdc, medicaid, medicare checks, amtrak, veterans hospital, epa, if that's the shutdown, i'm on attractive. [laughter] you can take that either way. trump was like, whatever. i'll be over here watching fox and friends in my tidy why these. shimmers like crap, what i get myself into. like when he started in an entire chocolate chip cookie cake by yourself and didn't
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think it through. now you're alone, half naked crying in the closet half naked with whipped cream. that schumer. if you don't know what davo says take one particle, and added jerk. multiply by 3000. he wanted in switzerland for a crime involving a mountain here. some plan to protest, but why, jealous? the world leaders and billionaires, trump is both, that has to her. in america you can't swing a previous without hitting another bonus hit by workers. he's winning. even mountains hate trump. look at that. shut up you stupid pile of dirt. what have you invented? the echo? >> here's trump tone doubles what's what. >> people are happy with what we have done, not only of the tax bill but cutting of regulations.
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and also been a cheerleader for country. not a cheerleader for your country or company, no matter what happens it won't work. >> greg: he's right about the tax bill. the narrative that it put the rich before the middle-class is now dead. home depot, chrysler, apple now shovel millions back to the workers. the windfall to companies now windfall to workers. it's the offspring of p pressure and trickle-down economics. no business wants to be in the wrong side of it. it's contagious. the democrats cannot a minute which meet them deniers. the media portrays trump as a weak president to face the e.u. boy does he stand out. he is the ball in the e.u. china shop. in every room the sphincters become tighter than o'jays clubs. thank you. about trump wanting to fire mueller, the media can barely control itself. >> president trump tried to have special counsel robert mueller fire. the president tried to fire him.
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>> he ordered the fiery of special counsel robert mueller. it is no longer hypothetical. >> greg: so what. [applause] i hate to swear. but i'm sorry, the press is acting like they stumbled onto a frozen woolly mammoth with amelia ehrhardt in its mouth. how is this a scoop? trump says he wants to fire someone, wasn't that his calling card in his tv career? your fire.
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he would fire god if he could. it's like snoop dogg talking about pop. you expect this guy, a businessman from queens to sit back and do nothing? he's a human being pissed off that he's being jerked around in public. the media knows it. they said that she's of the mousetrap and he cannot resist the cheese. that's how collusion leads to obstruction. the media marks the fbi story. did you notice with russia, the media and democrats altogether i keep thinking about pancakes. >> a day for flipping flapjacks, everywhere. you can flip them and kansas. pancake flipping national pancake day. it's a real thing. in the meantime, if you watch warm-up you can watch special counsel, robert mueller who might be about to flip a new cooperating witness. >> greg: all of that set up for that payoff, please kill me.
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let's welcome tonight's guest. he has a nose for pros, walter. [applause] >> she cut through more bold than a texas butcher. reporter for fox news headline, carly. [applause] the only count using negative numbers. national reporter, cat. [applause] and the earth does push-ups against him. former bodyguard, tyrus. >> let's go to the most recent news with the breaking news.
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trump was considering firing robert mueller. >> it's breaking news about something that happened in june. >> actually it's about something that didn't happen in june. the media is attempting to keep the russia collusion addicts on fidel has to deliver the stories every week or so. this is the weirdest one. it's in the alternative universe. it's like what if jfk had brought marilyn monroe to the white house and married her. what if hitler had gotten it before we had. what if trump had fired mueller. if you read this story, it's for people with knowledge of the matter, that means they were not there, they know somebody who was. the reason they were forced because to would not be enough. so say they heard it from someone then they would need seven people. >> it's a new kind of news that
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i haven't read my head around. >> greg: where talking about this on the five, is a a fire not. we knew he was talking about it, that's what we accept is sometimes he tells white lies but not big white lies, little white lies. carly, this week we can talk about davo sir mueller, the fact that hit my head. >> i didn't know you hit your head. >> greg: i had a concussion. but i'm here because i'm a warrior. >> to talk about mueller, i agree with what he said in the monologue. sounds like something that he may have said in passing, his after me, i want to fire that guy. but the big point is, he didn't do it.
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there's really no story. so i don't know why everyone's up in arms. and, were talking about over the summer. there is a report that said he was thinking about firing and now it's news again 20s and davo's. he did a great job today then suddenly this is the new cyclic and we wonder why. >> it was a way to steer the news away from the good news. cat, you can speak about davo sir mueller and if you want. >> anything i want. , i shouldn't. about mueller, i think it's a bigger deal than you do. however he didn't actually do it. any good therapist would tell you the way to happiness is to live in the present. i think we should all try that.
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it would bad if he did fire which is probably why he didn't actually do it. >> you know what's funny, your advice about living in the present, are so critical of trump. when he was elected i chose to live in the present. i had to stop being like this guy is crazy or impulsive i thought live by his actions and not by his words. it's turning out great, not just for him, but for me. i feel it's crazy now that i live in the present. >> as a badge where procrastinator i couldn't be more happy with media same if you say you do something to counsel say. i change a lightbulb, i fix the car, is more respectful my relationship with i haven't done
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those things yet, but, it accounts for them saying he was about to fire him. [applause] i think it's hilarious that he was about to fire them then what happened he changed his mind. then what happened. that's it, but he thought about it. >> heidi talk about all day long. his go to fire him then he didn't, what more do you add? >> while he lied about it, but that's like yes, he still president. we have to go. you're going to love our next block. my name's dustin. hey, dustin. grab a seat. woman: okay. moderator: nice to meet you.
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have you ever had car trouble in a place like this? (roaring of truck) yes and it was like the worst experience of my life. seven lanes of traffic and i was in the second lane. when i get into my car, i want to know that it's going to get me from point a to point b. well, then i have some good news. chevy is the only brand to receive j.d. power dependability awards for cars, trucks and suvs two years in a row. woman: wait! (laughing) i definitely feel like i'm in a dependable vehicle right now. woman 2: i want a chevy now. woman 3: i know! america's small business owners. and here's to the heroes behind the heroes, who use their expertise to keep those businesses covered. and here's to the heroes behind the heroes behind the heroes, who brought us delicious gyros. actually, the gyro hero owns vero's gyros, so he should have been with those first heroes. ha ha! that's better. so, to recap -- small business owners are heroes, and our heroes help heroes be heroes when they're not eating gyros delivered by -- ah, you know what i mean.
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>> greg: it's a steel cage of outrage. another week it in another media scraping the -- too many white
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guys. >> one other thing, the chair people of diverse there's seven. all of them are women. when i look at president trump chair cushion, rex tillerson, is got almost entirely by white guys. >> meanwhile, cnn refused to give trump credit for the economy because it's all obama's doing. >> if hillary clinton had continued the economic policies that obama have put in place using economic gains on the same level as president trump during his last year. >> i don't know about that. we should of skipped over that. the best weeks performance goes
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to joe, he crooned but nobody spoon. debuting a new song over a montage of clips. it's called stand which is ironic because you want to lie down and puke. ♪ ♪ one thing you like local you may get the chance to stand ♪ ♪ against a column of pink >> they call it take? you're so stupid. >> greg: just to be sure it wasn't be too hard i played his song for a baby. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> greg: that i played it for my neighbor doris. ♪ ♪ ♪
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>> that i played it for my entire neighborhood. ♪ ♪ >> greg: this would never happen if someone would just be honest with for joe and tell him that a midlife crisis is not a good book. luckily there is a drug for the. >> it could happen to anyone, your friend create something awful. >> you want them to stop but you take the more socially acceptable route and applaud their efforts. you may be suffering from preference falsification. ♪ >> i just told the science great the whole time hating every
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second friend ellicott is a simple patch making you incapable of any bs. >> dude, your music sucks senate always has. >> thanks. it works in all situations, even at work. before, i let my coworkers get away with all kinds of done things. >> you look like a dunce in that hat gary. >> it brings out the straight shooter and all of us. carly, you have to have someone in your life who can take your side will tell you that whatever you during this stupid. clearly he doesn't have that. >> i think trump has taken a heavy dose of it because he's he
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only one who calls it like he sees it every moment of the day. make i saw the tweet make a cento she called it a sign of our generation. i mean what really annoys me about this thing that song wasn't about the women who march. there was a joe scarborough or moment. if they really wanted to do this montage with honoring the women who march, maybe pick a woman who did that have her sing about the reason why she did it. that had nothing to do with anything the women's march had to do with it. >> greg: all about joe trying to be the progressive woke dude at the age of 50. >> not wearing socks. >> greg: tyrus you look like -- >> i just want to reach through and touch that.
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[laughter] obviously his wife hates him. i better relationships are they do not like man this a great car sharma you got. but i'm happy now. forget the song which was awful in the exploitation of women by a guy his like you check into the youtube he's one of the most sexist dude and demoralizing. waiting for his song was probably the sickest best think my life. they always interrupt each other. they were talking to other nonstop. she's doing intron she's like this,. >> it was his moment just stop. [applause]
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cat, where you move? >> i did not go to the march? i am a woman. [applause] this is half for me. number one, no thank you no thank you, kinda think you because now i'm not the person who embarrassed themselves the verse last week. but if i were his wife and i found out the reason he wasn't spending time with me are paying attention to me was to make that, i would be so pissed off. >> it's like he left his wife for makeup. >> they should probably send him back with the lyrics to the song. >> what's your take on it? >> i didn't see a picture of him singing a but i feel like he had
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his glasses on. i could see his hair and it sickened me. it's male menopause. [applause] what's amazing is i believe that trump is turning people into the media thinking that the central character david bowie's heroes. here up against the wall with bullets flying. >> i immediately knew trump is going to them. one of the reasons i knew his kiss he makes everyone else feel like a star. when they talk they suddenly have a purpose. they're addicted to the guy. they can't quit him. >> we discuss jeff sessions correct that's
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i have to ship out. shipstation streamlined that wh the order data, the weights of , everything is seamlessly put into shipstation, so when we print the shipping ll everything's pretty much done. it's so much easier so now, we're ready, bring on t. shipstation. the number one ch of online sellers. go to shipstation.com/tv and get two months free. robert: michigan state university under fire. the state's attorney general targeting the school for allowing larry nassar to target girls for years. he worked at the sports medicine children writing was accused of assault in 2014. he was sentenced to 40-175 years in prison for sexual assault.
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marco rubio fired his chief of staff. he learned he had an improper relationship with a subordinate. rubio traveled from florida to washington, d.c. to terminate him saturday evening. i'm robert gray. gutfeld. >> the well could run dry if they don't comply. this week the department of justice sent letters to 23 sanctuary cities and states to minute they provide evidence that their cooperative evening. if they refuse the doj could cut off certain federal funding. this includes new york city, chicago, and california and oregon. they say cities have legation to notify immigration enforcement
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when on document people are released from jail. jeff sessions as failure to do so is a hazard to public safety. protecting criminal aliens defies common sense and undermines the rule of law. so let me translate that to democrats. racist, racist racist. [applause] has for sanctuaries we go to the only kind i care about. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> greg: stupid pandas. they are stupid. i don't want to get into the panda business because we append lovers out there why can't i have a sanctuary city? >> i don't want to sanctuary city i wanted to tension city. if you come here not documented
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your get wrapped up. >> greg: but not long-term. >> will fly on driving home. >> him for a path to citizenship as long as there's no cuts. you cannot cut line. >> were making it a moral issue and it's not. it's the law. the people who are to blame for the dreamer situation as their parents. the republicans or democrats sanctuary cities is not helping. they're causing more division. if you commit a crime and not legal, everyone should know it. enough following the same rules software. >> what you think walter?
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>> i don't know how undocumented immigrants can afford to live in san francisco and new york. i went to princeton and i cannot afford to live in san francisco. sounds cozy, like they give you a blanket and build your fire and make you herbal tea. who wants to go to chicago? the city should be like gary indiana they need workers, badly in montana where i live in february we should have a sanctuary month to get everybody there. but in san francisco. >> just the nice weather i guess. >> is actually the government. this is a no-brainer for president trump. he said it on the campaign trail and he's now doing it.
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we shouldn't be surprised. >> greg: what about you, cat? i'm very pro- immigration. i think you can be pro- immigration between get make it better. get rid of some things improve some things. >> i agree with that. i hate when people talk about illegal immigrants and criminals in the same sentence. like there are people responsible for rising crime rates, especially when you talk about people like the dreamers who are adding to the economy it would make sense to keep them here and let them to continue to add to the economy them spend money to deport them. >> greg: to like the word dreamers? is genius. i think anybody who comes here
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or is trying to do something with their lives or dreamers. there's people who come here temporarily to make money and go back, how is that a dream or? it's a great term. rhetoric wins arguments. >> the economic argument is pretty solid. i'm all about economics. >> the cities are where they need gardeners and people they need to pay off the books. >> it's pelosi, how she keeps her house looking great. [applause] >> greg: memexico should want chain migration sanctuary cities stance of families could stay and help make mexico great. and help make mexico great. coming up, megan's a lawyer. when it comes to presenting evidence, nobody does it better.
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close? chinese scientists reveal that they can't to help the monkeys is in the same technique that made dolly the sheep in 1996. obviously they're insanely adorable. this method has worked to clone others. but never primates. they broken a barrier that puts in one step closer to human cloning. do we need another me? [applause] and who would you clone if you could? how president trump? he can make all countries great again. what about lou dobbs, he could host all shows on every channel at the same time. or maybe hillary clinton -- is that cloning is a bad idea
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should be banned forever. which you want to clone of yourself? >> no. >> you can talk to yourself but your problems about cloning yourself. i don't like this at all. i've never been having an interaction with a person and thought gee, i would like to the east. [laughter] [applause] >> i was going to say if i could clone everybody thinks i am funny that would be good for my career. >> that is good. walter, do you know what bothers me about this. it's silicon valley rich kids will be for this because they
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want to create a disposable surplus of human organs in the treated like the clones have no conscious or actual experience. that's what this is going. >> i don't understand what you just said. i know that joe scarborough would rather have 20 of himself so they could all sing harmony. cloning is great for narcissists. people like me who hate themselves, it's a nightmare. i imagine man looked up at the sky but what human needs is cloning answer? i want 27 of myself. >> my point is that it's people thinking they can harvest organs. like if you have one classic car in great condition that you have
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six of the same model in your backyard for parts because it's hard because is not been made anymore. so you have these other cars that you can take parts from. >> you just keep about you chained up in the garage? i broke my arm, number six, come here. i'm excited about this. i want to clone of me. i can raise me the way i want to with their parents or foster people that are very. it be great, be me and just me. no child support just me. >> your clones will have the same problem you have. >> no, because i will fix them. who better to take care of me than me when i'm old. [applause] in a divorce marriage in bad
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relationships think it's a don't listen or think that daddy is not cool. little me thinks i'm cool. he has to. on a reflection of him and he is a reflection of me. carly, pro or con? >> i don't think it to happen. did you look at the monkeys question like that i'll do the same. their faces are different. so how do we know they did this one of the faces is longer. i think they put too monkeys that looks similar and said will just write up a press release i'm our talking about it. >> i'm glad you're [inaudible] my staff because you killed the story. no gregg those monkeys are
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clearly not related. >> i don't think they have the same mother. >> when remember when hillary clinton claps at the nine/11 memorial and then 15 minutes later she came out of a building and said hello to a little girl -- it's already happening. >> greg: he explains everything. science says people don't the closer you get to home, the more you know
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>> greg: you are a child no mor. scientists in australia have concluded that adulthood begins at 24. the reason, societal and biological changes have push the end of adolescence past the age of 19. according to some stats which i didn't read, people are continue education longer into lame parenthood. scientists a we know the human brain develops beyond the age of 20, unless you're liberal. am i right? [applause] red meat hacked joke.
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we caught up to the typical 20 oh for comment. [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] >> interesting fact, he is now on the supreme court. >> when you make of this? why is this happening? why is adulthood late? because were living longer? >> the same story said it starting earlier. adolescence is starting at ten, four years earlier than i did a hard 50 years ago. that's horrible. you're sitting in fifth grade, you have a mustache in your voice is deep you want to party.
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you feel like sliced alone but they treat you like leave it to beaver. that's the part that disturbs me. it's starting earlier. >> greg: tyrus, when do you believe it begins? >> when i was born. good luck kids. i find it difficult that you can brand something like that. i think environment would have a lot to do with it. i mean how many parents had in your house. your mom work 60 hours a week and you had to take care of brothers and sisters year an adult really quickly. i don't see how they come up with that you know mom and dad and 2.5 kids, as it we had to grow quick rise from. i have a hard time with hearing
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that. >> greg: it's not about age. it's about experience. i was watching dunkirk and anyone at that beach became an adult. they think about kids going on when they had to work on a farm, they were driving when they're younger because they're on a farm. the when you are on a farm you could sell cyclopedia's. now you're 30 and can play xbox for 60 hours a week. >> xbox, you are so old. [laughter] >> greg: all right, smarty-pants. your what? are you an adult? >> yes. >> how many years? >> i felt like adult for a long time.
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i wish i knew this though, when i was working my off in the early 20s and before that i could've been hanging out a playpen the whole time. if only i had known that. >> greg: their websites where you can. >> it doesn't matter. hard work and be an adult -- you're never gonna be anybody. >> greg: is when you wake up and decide. >> i don't know what you just said. >> greg: neither did i. >> i think it has a lot to do with gender. like 18 for women, 34 for guys. that's when men become actual men.
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>> i'm not sure i could disagree with that. i think women on campus i've been -- >> there having therapy sessions for people were thinking of going to a ben shapiro speech. those brains are still developing who's in charge of this? someone had to leave until he was 25. he still lives in the basement? sure, i'm only two years behind schedule. seriously, i just think it's because the people who bought all this past chair was on that we dealt with including western society made it possible for people to sit around and play video games. >> i just and say xbox. >> greg: still to come, the special investigation. you won't want to miss that.
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announcing the best countries ranking. if are not number my name's dustin. hey, dustin. grab a seat. woman: okay. moderator: nice to meet you. have you ever had car trouble in a place like this? (roaring of truck) yes and it was like the worst experience of my life. seven lanes of traffic and i was in the second lane. when i get into my car, i want to know that it's going to get me from point a to point b. well, then i have some good news. chevy is the only brand to receive j.d. power dependability awards for cars, trucks and suvs two years in a row. woman: wait! (laughing) i definitely feel like i'm in a dependable vehicle right now. woman 2: i want a chevy now. woman 3: i know! and i'm the founder of ugmonk. before shipstation it was crazy. it's great when you see a hundred orders come in, a hundred orders come in, but then you realize i've got a hundred orders i have to ship out. shipstation streamlined that wh the order data, the weights of , everything is seamlessly put into shipstation, so when we print the shipping ll everything's pretty much done. it's so much easier so now, we're ready, bring on t.
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sometimes you need an expert. i got it. and sometimes those experts need experts. on it. [ crash ] and sometimes the expert the expert needed needs insurance expertise. it's all good. steve, you're covered for general liability. and, paul, we got your back with workers' comp. wow, it's like a party in here. where are the hors d'oeuvres, right? [ clanking ]
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tartlets? we cover commercial vehicles, too. i think there's something wrong with your sink.
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>> greg: why is america'srankin? this week new york news and world report is the result of the annual survey. the top three, germany, canada, and switzerland. the united states ranked eighth. we need to know how that happened. we sent cat to sit down with u.s. and news and world report to learn more. >> hello, thanks for joining me. >> my first question is, the survey says we are the most powerful but not best overall. most powerful and best are basically the same thing, right?
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>> not quite. military might is one factor into many that makes a country the best. >> the report says soft power is be more important. what is that? sounds like people that would bring their best providers to the battlefield. >> it's diplomacy. best inside and outside borders. >> it's like hiring toby when you could have met the mcconnaughhay. fred here says, switzerland is the number one country. did you just spell united states on? >> no. the cost of ca capitalism and hn rights. that's what people care about. >> it canada, denmark, and norway beat us in quality of life. displaces, cold? >> we've had a cold spell in the u.s. this year. >> i don't seem to be convincing you. some going to use math. right others plus matthew
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mcconnaughhay divided by mcdonald's time thomas edison to the power of genes equals usa forever. [applause] the other countries can keep their ratings, we'll take back our genes with rivets and the rest of the work or khakis. the rest of the world will look like employees. >> if i could convince you there's everything we could do. come with me. >> this is literally a chicken sandwich a truck called yankee doodle dandy. if this won't commence work, nothing will. >> thank you mr. dandy. we got the sandwiches i'm sure everyone's mind has changed. i need everybody's mind to be changed. so just set. >> so i sure everyone's mind has been changed, right? right? >> i never turn down the french
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by. >> i think an idea what you're doing 2018. "watters world" starts right now. jesse: welcome to "watters world." i'm jesse watters. building a safe, proud, strong america, that's the message in president trump's state of the union address. deputy press secretary roz shaw joins me now. the white house is putting this on the table giving amnesty to 1.8 mill people and phasing in getting rid of the lottery and chain migration, how does that

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