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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  March 18, 2018 1:00am-2:00am PDT

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of you who dvr to meutututututut having fun tonight. thank you so much for watching. see you next saturday in tonight. i'm jeanine pirro at the for truth, justice and the american way. greg gutfeld is next. >> his treasury secretary steven venusian and i've been working on it and it's sorry, it's not steve but steven and it's not [inaudible] it's the island of minutia. it's steven venusian from minutia. greg: groundbreaking journalism. [cheering and applause] another week another departure from the white house. i haven't seen this many quick exits since to fully serve that bad meat.
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[laughter] i survived. this is has more lineup changes than van halen and if sammy hagar becomes chief of staff, i am out. he was no david lee roth. now it is rex gets asked. there is a major breaking news this morning from the trump administration. moments ago the president announced rex tillerson is out and secretary of state, ousted would be more accurate here. he will be replaced by the current head of the cia, mike pompeo. greg: so sad. i love the guy. he had the voice of sam elliott and the sturdy body of john goodman. [laughter] he seemed like the kind of dude who could change a tire with his bare hands and crush a can of while doing arm curls using a teenager. don't do celebrity big brother, rex. don't do reality shows especially naked and afraid.
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i want to remember you the way you were. >> rex. ♪. greg: see what i mean? his replacement is mike pompeo and pompeo's replacement is gina possible. say what you want to say about the spare but they ain't aussie and harriet. study by the media's frazzle the response is funny and hitler. >> shut her tenure at the cia for that period of time the controversy old porter program should that be a black mark on her? >> there been many public stories linking her to torture. >> not much else we know in terms of behind closed doors
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stuff from mike pompeo's time at cia. when he has had to speak publicly sometimes he said things about russia that are completely untrue. greg: i have a golden role. if your chief complaint is that these people are too hard on terrorists, not a complain i listen to. this is what i call an asset to be treasured. go screw yourself. [applause] these two, in my opinion, they seem perfect together. they are like a fearsome tagteam in the world's most unstable octagon, earth. it will be the most exciting confirmation hearing ever. >> get ready to go undercover and over the top is the creators of the white house heaven trumbull extravaganza.
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if the confirmation annihilation domination. [cheering and applause] greg: so, we know the gripe they are saying that the woman here tortured but that is only an opinion and one that is off the mark. turns out the most repeated accusations levied at her had to be retracted but really anything can be tortured especially to people who think running out of kale, guacamole at whole foods is agony. so i ask, as those who think enhanced interrogation is evil, what is your alternative? what replacement do you have for waterboarding? let me guess.
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♪. greg: i agree. that is worse than waterboarding. bottom line is if you have to make a terrorist talk in order to save lives then everything should be on the table including films, toes and noses. a lot of media critics have the luxury of not having to face such dilemmas. in their shiny studios they parrot the same old pointless phrase, but we are better than that. i'm not. [laughter] i will admit it. i am what is called a bad pers person, terrible even. the media however acts as if
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getting down in the street with your enemy only makes the terrorists hate you more. sorry, i can't see how they could do worse to us the 911. yeah, i'm sure isis wished we'd stuck to the high ground because then they would still be grading stealthy sticks out of westerners heads. hurt their feelings or their faces so. >> what? for once, let's proudly and loudly say we are not better than that because under control but it seemed to be working. we didn't lower the bar we removed the damn thing. [applause] if you must, then by all means say we are better than that. the patriots who think otherwise continue to save your ass. let's welcome our guest. she is so smart she left the view. [laughter] author, and columnist, jedediah. he is so sharp that and just throw him at their enemies, fox news contributor charlie.
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[applause] her favorite beverage is a kit and tears, national reporter, kat sims. [applause] and enter tyrus, ready to quit and the ship from the hit, chr chris. [applause] jedediah, welcome back to boxes. i have an important question. the view, who had the worst breath? come on. >> probably me because i used to eat before the show. greg: what a copout. [laughter] we know other words. >> no one had bad breath. you could ask a really inventive question and i'm just going to say -- worst breath? greg: someone worked at abc for a year and things they could
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give me advice. >> i used to be cheese and cheese flavored things) went on and i used to always be paranoid about it. greg: i can smell it. you are right. discussing the let's talk the topic at hand. everyone is talking about job changes and the chaos and is this bad or is this a bunch of media hysteria? >> media history. i think this happens every administration that you talk about the people shuffle in and out. the issue here is obviously that is donald trump and everyone is waiting for mostly in the media waiting for the next breadcrumbs to fall so they can pick on it. i think some of these are weird for him like honestly looking at it he iran as a guy who was a noninterventionist kind of guy and that's what i liked about him. i'm a libertarian and i don't want to nation building over there and changing up leadership and now he's picking these hawkish people. greg: both him and they're not on the same page.
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>> even this lady with the waterboarding, like waterboarding or not she seems very hawkish to me. this doesn't fit the brand. greg: i don't think she ever water boarded anyone. i think they had to retract a lot of things, charles, that she said she had done. charles, you have a choice. you can talk to the confirmation hearings -- >> or stormy daniels? greg: if you like. i do have some regional states. >> what are my options? greg: confirmation hearings. >> first of all, donald trump pics these people that are indiscriminate with him yet he gets clobbered in the media for being someone who only surrounds himself by yes-men and the evidence for that are all that no man that he starts off by so the guy can't win either way. i agree with you, the media makes the stuff up but one of the things that donald trump has been so brilliant about, he is so good at picking the right fights at the right time and this is the best fight.
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by having confirmation hearings with secretary of state and your director of the cia is for going into talks with a militant nuclear nation that wants to erase us and democrats are saying -- we don't like this and they haven't got the transients and america should be like, shut up, given what he needs. greg: cat, i know you love enhanced interrogations so this is a brush hundred breath of fresh air for you. [laughter] kat: i agree with jedediah. i'm a libertarian and i don't like to see these hawkish people going in. it's also mike pompeo who is supportive of unconstitutional is fine pretty and nsa. greg: i said i'm a bad person. kat: that's why greg gave me that wonderful question i would like to see people around him that are noninterventionist and i think we waste so much money and
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realize oversees the things we don't have any business doing in the first place. government also doesn't have business spying on me unconstitutionally. greg: no one is fine on you. kat: they are though. >> you are conundrum to me. when i used to talk to you about politics were small government guy and then when it comes to this national security stuff for waterboarding or nsa it's like bring the government in, spy and everybody. greg: look at my hands. this is security and this is freedom. they do not fight. they hold hands. [laughter] chris? no, they do for you. they are like siblings who just go too far at times. [inaudible conversations] chris, were you surprised, we despise that tillerson was fired? are you surprised that trump doesn't care? >> no, that's not surprising at all. i'm more surprised, i don't have a reaction to the twitter thing. back when she was doing that it
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was kind of legal or legal or just don't ask, don't tell, whatever it was they did it and then the rules changed so she probably won't do a legal stuff so, you know, in the nfl before they used to not have as many helmets to rules and then when they changed it they didn't fire all the players because they they can help themselves and their desk and go around headbutting so you play by the rules. greg: hundred. >> does it bother anyone that the allegation is she wanted to destroy the tapes? greg: i don't think that's entirely true. >> but if that were true that should be a problem. greg: there are a lot of tapes that i want to destroy. >> but we've all been yelling about hillary clinton about how they took the jackhammer to the devices and we don't want to destroy evidence in. greg: that's a great transition. we'll talk about hillary in the
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next block. i wanted to talk about stormy daniels mom and the fact that she says is donald trump should keep running she would vote for him every time. i realize this is the first time the mother of a porn star is proud of what her daughter did which is donald trump. up next, hillary clinton goes to the other side of
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greg: she is making angry faces in faraway places. hillary clinton visited india recently and i can tell judging from the remarks she made there that clearly she has been studying dale carnegie self-help book, how to win friends and influence people. [laughter] chapter one: if you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive. >> i one of the places that are optimistic, diverse, dynamic, moving forward and his whole campaign, make america great again, was looking backwards. you didn't like black people
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getting rights, you don't like women getting jobs, you don't want to see that indian americans succeeding more than you are, whatever your problem is, i'm going to solve it. greg: what a jack ass. that will get the trump voter to change sides for sure. how about the chapter called how to change people without defending or arousing resentme resentment? >> we do not do well with white men and we don't do well with married, white women. part of that is an identification with the republican party and an ongoing pressure to vote the way that your husband, your boss, your son, whoever believes you should. greg: [crowd boos] no, no, she nailed it. [laughter] women didn't vote for me, you are a dumb puppet.
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with a message like that who wouldn't want to vote democrat in 2020? speaking of 2020, democrats are now scratching their head about could go toe to toe against donald trump but i think i know just the person. >> in 2016 it wasn't there year but in 2020 the democrats will unleash a brand-new candidate to leave the resistance to victory. someone with a new vision for america. a freedom fighter, a fresh face and a grassroots hero. her name, hillary clinton. this up and comer is better, mean, cranky and addictive of all the things you want in a rising star. it just four short decades she has given us so much to real americans. things like plugs, bases, fashion and totally normal laughter. plus, this long list of compliments so vote hillary clinton in 2020 but she will grow on you.
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[applause] greg: that's the best campaign had ever made. charlie, please defend hillary in one way or the other. i'm asking to challenge. >> i would say this i don't know why anyone was surprised by what she said over there. there are a lot of people in the direct party believe exactly the thing she said. as disgusting as they are but i think it's especially funny that she talks about these women and i walked into the kitchen and told my wife she was voting for i would be wearing an iron skillet on my face. [laughter] and he would say lodge, right here. actually she would just ignore me but what is funny about it as the messenger of that message she is the one who her entire career is based entirely on the fact that she married the right person and that she did what he
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told her to do. and finally, this is the most amazing thing, that woman was almost president. we almost, everyone thought she was going to be the next president. greg: the amazing thing is she lost to donald trump. [cheering and applause] kat, if you are running the dnc what would you say to hillary? kat: stop talking. [laughter] seriously, aesthetic preaches like the girl who goes on a date and doesn't get a call the next day it is like he must not remember how to work his phone. it could not possibly be my fault. doesn't she know that when women or anyone both they are not doing that in front of their husbands that they are doing that by themselves so even if they really wanted to make their husbands happy what they would do is tell their husbands i voted for trump and then vote for hillary. they would do the lying thing is like they would do they didn't
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do that. they voted for trump because that's what they wanted to do. greg: chris, do you think realizes hundred hillary realizes that even if she says something in india we will eventually hear it or do you think there's a weird firewall? >> i think she is always aware of where she is at because you notice in the video she goes down the normal list they don't like black people and they don't like this and then she sees the sign and she says look if you're an indian -- [laughter] we didn't do well with white males or the electoral college and it's part of it. greg: jedediah, there was an incident where you are on with hillary on the view and what happened there. >> i interviewed her and asked her -- we were talking about her book and i said i was asking
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about her being toned off because if you read the book it's almost like she had no conception of how could i have lost and why spray so close that i said to her, people around the country didn't like her message and they were broke and they hated obamacare and she's looking at me like no, that wasn't it. there is a tone deafness that is startling but if you interview her it's just like your immediately written off like no, that's not it. it's getting worse. they didn't edit me but i had questions that i wanted to ask and i didn't get to. i wanted to ask about e-mails and where they all went and i didn't get to that one but i did ask her that and it went viral because there is no acknowledgment of her to even say maybe i did miss the bullet on this and maybe i did all these areas of the country i didn't go to and maybe that was a problem and now this stuff with women and i want to say knock, knock, is anyone there? honestly, there is something almost wrong with her.
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greg: whatever you say not, not, is anyone there it's bill clinton putting his hands on. [laughter] better. that's her. get out the window. probably the best thing that bill clinton ever did in white house was billed that weird inflatable slide from the lincoln bedroom to wherever the doorbell rang because he shoved the lady down the slide and she landed immediately on w street. >> i thought you were serious for a second. [laughter] greg: i am never see us. we have to move on. the show is so great. really is. [cheering and applause] which border wall will more and more people have discovered something stronger... more dependable... longer lasting. in a chevy truck. and now, you can too. see why chevrolet is the most awarded and fastest growing brand the last four years overall.
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greg: well, he is having a ball building that wall. president trump got a firsthand look at the prototypes for the wall he once built on our border with mexico. i learned so much. for example, fences suck. >> that's a very serious offense but coming up i noticed look how many holes are in advance. they fixed the holes but it doesn't look very good. they patched it with morton's. greg: the fence. it has holes in it. we've already got a fence on the
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border but people are cutting through it so we need the wall. i know you're thinking greg, i can see through a fence and how do i know what's coming if they built the wall. >> you have to have see-through. you can be 2 feet away from a criminal cartel if you don't know are there. you have to have some sleep. it's a problem. greg: he thanks of everything. but what about scaling the wall and how do the walls keep people from doing that. these prototypes are massive. who would think of just climbing over? >> would think? who would think? beginning over the top is easy. these are professional mountain climbers. they can't climb some of these walls. some of them as they can and those of the walls we are not using. greg: that's right. these are the ones that are eliminated. that is why the wall lined with carpet is out. [laughter]
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greg: i would not want that in my house. kat, do you thank you made a good case for the wall? kat: i understand that everyone who watches the show loves the wall and that you love the wall and that everyone will hate me for not loving the wall but i don't want the wall. greg: it's okay not to love the wall just like it. doesn't your department have walls? i love that argument. kat: okay, greg. they don't also cost me tens of millions of dollars when the same thing could be done by removing welfare incentives and ending the drug war. that would solve the problem that way. greg: why not take the money from that to build the wall? [applause]
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's p7 it's used with funding and there's issues with both funding and issues because a lot of the land is private property and there are a lot of issues here. greg: is not my problem that you have a lot of issues. kat: i say we've taken this to a mature place. greg: chris, what are your thoughts on the wall? excited, are you a traitor who like kat? kat: thank you, greg. [laughter] >> i'm so comfortable leaning back and i lose my thoughts. when he is going around, yelling at people and coming up with you can tell he's a business guy and you know how they say you can't just say good job you have to come up with something to talk about so he is in there and he's mentioning little minute like things that don't make sense and he's like it's got to be longer and you can walk around this and it's longer than 14 feet, i think. greg: but he's at a building site. he parks his limo gets out on a hat and start walking around on 57th street and that is what he does.
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right, charles? >> it's like talking about the fights he picks this is another one of those bytes that he picks and it's a very smart bite to pick. the reason that he will not budge off the world wall is because he knows that you go to washington and you say i will build a wall the first thing everyone says is we don't need a wall you mean like a fence and he says no, i mean a wall. no, you mean sensors and stuff like that and he says no, i mean a wall. it's brilliant because what he is done as he's defined his enemy or all of his opponents as being anti- wall or anti- border security although he would never use such a loser word as a border security and you have to use something what people know it looks like. greg: he wants the toughest thing to defend. >> exactly. i don't think that it will be a physical wall and even in the
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recesses of his mind he thanks that but it's a debate he is having so he will call the wall and will build a wall along the entire border and is a big beautiful commodore. >> my favorite part is the people who become deficit hawks when it comes to that wall. the wall is too expensive but all the stuff when they have like let's test out if this fish can survive in 25 degrees in less than $15 on hundred billion dollars on that and because i read on the treadmill. i don't know why we can't do what kat recommended and the wall. this is national security and these are mexican drug cartels coming over. this is the time to spend the money and this is what you want to spend the money on. [applause] greg: brought this magnificent segment if you look at what trump is doing all these things are long-term solutions to problems that we live with whether it is the wall or north
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korea or terror in general. you get a sense that he's always thinking about the future which is why we are laughing at the wall because were thinking this guy is crazy but it's not crazy thinking about the future. this is what the democrats are what you call half planners. trump is a planner. democrats are half players. the democrats will say step one, i wish. step two, see step one. step three, raise taxes. the only exception here is that trump says step one, build wall. step two, let everyone in that should be in. there's a second half to every plan and democrats never have that second half. >> remember the 1986 immigration bill we had 3 million immigrants moving the country in washington promised to stop the flow and grant amnesty and they did the easy part but they never did the hard part. greg: that is their motto for the democrats.
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still to come, to save a species by moving to mars but what if we by moving to mars but what if we die on the you won't see these folks at the post office
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greg: should earthlings plead to avoid world war iii? space x founder and my pilates instructor, elon musk thomas said recently that humans must colonize mars to serve our species in case of a third world war. that is because both, it is far enough away from earth that it's more likely to survive than a moon base if there is a third world war. we want to make sure there's enough of a seed of human civilization somewhere else to bring it back. his company shipped the big falcon rocket and it will undergo test flights next year with the goal of landing on mars in 2022 with the first mission will send cargo but musk says the first manned mission
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promised to be quote, difficult, dangerous, involved a good chance you will die and full of excitement for those who survive. that is exactly how i describe it each weekend with bill hammer. [laughter] a guy can't throw a frisbee to save his life. [laughter] never get tired of that. kat, you should be excited about outerspace because there are no walls and it's a new place for you to try and's p7 well. that was my question. okay. first of all, i prefer to cry in a comfortable place, one that i know, you know, where i am. greg: wipe your tears because
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they float off's p7 that would be nice. i just think it is not crazy to say those people will die because they probably will do what is crazy people will do it anyway. greg: thomas, any thoughts for going to outerspace? >> no, none at all. i don't intend to go. i'm going to die here in america. greg: you will die right here on the couch. >> the concept of outerspace terrifies me. it's so much easier to believe in god and just say yeah, i don't need to worry about space. greg: that is interesting because i thank you could do both, couldn't you? >> know. greg: is either space or god. >> it's limitless. greg: were on a spaceship and we are hurtling through space. think about that. i get carsick when i start thinking about when were moving and i can feel it.
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>> jedediah. >> that's called a panic attack. yeah, i don't like space. i talk about this with my husband all the time. greg: did you say you need space? [laughter] >> i don't mind if i'm on the ground looking up like if i'm on earth but i don't get the suit and i feel claustrophobic. i watch that movie gravity where they go out there and the spaceship and then they get out into the ether and there like wow, not well, you can't breathe out there. there is nothing. there is no food. exactly. i don't know why earth is not enough for some people. it's good enough for me. greg: seen floating poop is a problem for me, chris. also in space. [laughter] >> i was confused during the musk half of the thing because he saying it's dangerous for humans and whatnot and i thought he was talking about the band 30
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seconds to mars for a while and i just figured like they could cross promote and send them on the first one and i'd be okay with that. my other problem is that people a good portion of the country gets really mad at anything donald trump does and they say we are going to die in healthcare and everything leads to death and then this guy is proposing a thing in his whole pages you will probably die and they are all like spring break mars. [laughter] greg: i will tell you why. this is a great way to die. you will live forever as the lewis and clark of the cosmos. your death will be memorable. i think if you die in space it will be quick. however, to your point, jedediah, i don't know but i thank you were correct. if i went to space i would have a massive ongoing panic attack which means i would be the first person murdered in space. i would be the first person they kill and eat. i would do the same thing.
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>> get rid of him. he's dead way. it's true. greg: enough of you, jedediah. this isn't the view. all right, coming up, katy perry kisses and american idol contestant, harassment or billion way to draw attention to her lousy show? we discussed, you decide. [cheering and applause] depend silhouette briefs. feature a comfortable sleek fit. as a dancer, i've learned you can't have any doubts. because looking good on stage is one thing. but real confidence comes from feeling good out there. get a coupon at depend.com
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greg: his first kiss went on this. i speak of american idol contestant judge katy perry had kissed without consent during his audition. it happened on this week's premiere after benjamin glaze told the judges he never kissed a girl. roll it. >> have you kissed a girl in life? >> no, i've never been in relationships. >> really smart. >> you can't kiss a girl without being in a relationship.
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>> clear. >> no way, hold on. >> you can't be serious. >> come here. >> on the cheek? greg: and so controversy ensued. a few viewers argue that exchange would've been assault if a male judge kissed a 19 -year-old female like that and glaze initially told the times the kids made him uncomfortable but later wrote on instagram quote, i do not think i was sexually harassed by katy perry and i think for the judges comments and critiques. i was not expecting it. still, all this is high the fact that american idol is really boring. [laughter] it's on abc so now i can say that and it's starting a new show called american idol and it
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features dudes lying around. ♪. greg: i've neve i bet they've nr been kissed either. you know what upsets me about this, kat? the arrogance of katy perry. she assumes her first kiss is going to be superior to any of his choices in his podunk small-town. that's as gruesome as her music. she says he'll never get something as good as me so i'm going to steal his first kiss' p7 she was like you are welcome. i would be so upset if katy perry kissed me. that's how you get a cold and that's how you get the flu and you shouldn't just be kissing strangers. you should never share
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chapstick. greg: no, you should never share chapstick. >> i hate when someone asked me if i should use chapstick or if someone asks if i would like to use there's. i want to tell them to respect the chapstick. greg: is not transferable. it should be. jedediah, i think she also put this teenager in danger. a member she was married to russell brand and her mouth touched russell brand. >> knows where it has been. i never thought about that. greg: that's like licking a bathroom wall in port authority. >> what an image. [laughter] this made me really mad because the kid says i would have said no if she had asked me and she said i would've said no. everyone is here saying media people is katy perry and it's so cute and whatever but if a girl had come out and been the one kissed and said i would've said no it wasn't harassment but i would've said no that would've been part of the #metoo move in.
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it's a double standard. she robs him of the moment that's totally inappropriate and it's okay because she's katy perry? greg: it's totally arrogant. maybe in a couple years he'll change his mind and say you know what -- >> and then sue her. and he could do it under the #metoo movement. it is a double standard. that raises questions about how seriously these are about the #metoo. greg: i was wondering what he was talking about pound me too. you work for a telemarketing firm, hit pound for pound. >> is the? isn't it? [applause] greg: it is an obvious point of a male judge did this to a female burden like he would be fired, right? >> we didn't say he was a burden and we don't know what he --
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that was my last thing that is on the basis. greg: you iran in the wrong direction. [laughter] that is terrible. >> overall, years of years ago this would've been cute and people would've talked about it but it bothers me a little bit when they do the cheap little plug like kissed a girl, get into her song, i don't know, then luke bryan is getting all he is suspicious if you ask me. he got too excited about it. he got his phone out like there's not cameras all around affect yeah, yeah, let's do this. i have a song called strip it down. let's do that. greg: it is a really bad, bad show. i watched the first part but american idol, you know what it is? i call it a friend of leslie. when you see someone audition who is awful or weird it means
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they lack people in their lives who care enough to tell you to stop chasing your destructive trees like if i told my wife i want to go on american idol because you heard me saying she would be like, greg, you are not going near that because i care about you. i always think where are the people in the friends at stop people from going on the shows and where are the friends like in the bachelor that says that is not a good plan. thirty women chasing one guy it's not a good look for you. anyway. >> it's entertaining. greg: they are no friends and that's my point. >> but there are friends who want to see them. greg: they are no friends that entire show, friends, is a lie. terrible show. don't go anywhere, the
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greg: we're almost out of times things to jedediah, hope to see you again. charlie, kat, chris. [cheering and applause] and the studioanananananananana. julie banderas is up next with the fox report. >> the fbi director fired just days before he would have been eligible for a lifetime pension. and now fox news confirming mccabe's personal memos on his meetings with the president and those notes have reportedly been handed over to special counsel robert mueller. good evening everyone i'm julie banderas. this is the fox report. attorney general sessions announcing mccabe's firing yesterday saying multiple federal probes and reports showed alleged misconduct that included lying to investigators during the probe into the clinton foundation. the president is applauding the move, tweeting andrew mccabe fired a great day for the hardworking men and women of the fbi.

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