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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  December 29, 2018 7:00pm-8:00pm PST

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advocating for the american way i will see you next saturday night. [applause] shut up i don't know about you but in 2018 i saw staff i never thought i would see the end of the jerry springer show. i thought that crap would live forever. the revival of rosanne, the cancellation of rosanne. [laughter] and this. >> donald trump. [buzzer] [bleep] all the countries in africa it
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20 t20 t20. >> everybody wants to say bad words on tv right data? here he is chasing people around me to. [laughter] did you ever think you would hear her swear? know that she is a filthy little woman. [laughter] also i never thought i would see miss america i get rid of the simpson competition what is going on? to see elizabeth dna test with a native american dna i actually have more native american blood than her. and my last name, i am greg gutfeld. [applause] and there were things you did not want to see.
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>> so now the gentleman from maryland. [laughter] that reminds me of the time i sat on a vibrating nail. but have you said to me ten years ago one day to united states president will hold a summit with north korea i would laugh so hard. bed then you say by the way that president will be donald trump? but then it happened they met and they had a nice chat. why? that is a net gain in my book reading and writing letters to trump he says he is in love in
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fact, he overlooks who gets the credit for bringing them back together, dennis rodman. we tried to get him the peace prize with this very campaign. in 2017 the international campaign to abolish nuclear weapons won the nobel peace prize that belongs to one man only dennis rodman. he first showed international diplomacy in 1987 for the ground breaking film double-team and then married carmen electra who quickly divorced him and was devoted to bringing about world peace for comparison in 2007 nobel prize winner has zero career
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rebounds. when people wanted to wear brightly dyed hair and public he was there when "celebrity apprentice" needed a boost he was there at least he did not quit when the road needed to solve the problem of north korea rodman was there to save the planet from nuclear annihilation. a clear choice for the 2018 nobel peace prize. [applause] there is always next year. after trump met with the enemy he went to brussels to be with our allies and gave them tough love. remember this quick. >> many countries not playing with one - - pay what they should there is a tremendous amount of money with an unfair burden on the united states. greg: he wasn't wrong had the guts to stand up to speak the truth. hello friends you are not
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paying your fair share did you ever think you would see that? you had dinner with friends having burgers and the one who gets the surf and turf and says let's split the check. [laughter] and you do because nobody want to say that's not fair but not trump. it's not rude if it's right and he was right with nato scenic in a world where many countries are not paying what they should. where many countries i was a tremendous amount of money from many years back. one man had a plan. . >> he will defecate all over. [laughter] a man with a plan.
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>> [laughter] [applause] that's not all here is president trump in the oval office with kanye and the queen of england i never thought i would see that did you ever think you would see the tao at 25000? it happened for a little bit i'm not looking elon musk's current estate sean penn wrote a novel it was not throwing - - thrilling and serving to
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sever any lasting impression there is pride to be had were the prejudicial is practiced of the tactile terminations. >> alliteration is so sexy coming from leo. john weiner became an advocate for pot and we heard a whale that could speak english supposedly here is the trainer to say one, two. >> [laughter] greg: do you know, what that reminds me of? [laughter]
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greg: amazing things happened in 2018 but then 2019 could be even more awesome but not as awesome as this. >> answer that question. >> i think i will miss him. let's welcome our guests morgan ortega. [applause] aft in - - after bon jovi and slam for - - sam florentine. morning cheer fills her with fear. [applause]
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old faithful is the waterpik. [applause] so morgan what is your favorite story of the year and why? . >> and don't have a favorite but secretary tillis said they would be fired. [bleep] if you have to go when you take a dump. [laughter] . >> i did not see that coming. then you start to swear. [laughter] . >> i have some questions i find the humor to be very funny. >> me to.
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my husband gets mad at me but i think it's very funny. >> is the weirdest thing that humans do. do do. [laughter] i should shut up now i'm starting to make people sick what do you find interesting quick. >> i love the bush funeral where trump had to show up to meet the obama's and that handshake with michelle that barack obama they wanted nothing to do with him the clintons would not even look over bill started to look and then set i better not because of hillary. [laughter] do you know, what i liked about that? dick cheney in the back you are watching trump and you can just see dick cheney think this will be great. [laughter] maybe he was just napping.
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any thoughts? . >> it was all unusual. i remember watching that trump and kanye meeting. knowing that was after he met with the kardashian. so that was my one of my favorite moments but i turned 30 this year. . >> and my dad didn't wish me happy birthday he just said congratulations i cannot believe you did it. >> that's like the new 35. >> if you are a woman. >>.
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>> i have a lizard farm. >> you and your lizards. >> what was so special quick. >> i enjoyed a lot of the anchors reactions the world ended 400 times. [laughter] i think don london was my favorite person to watch with his facial expressions oxygen cut off at 6:00 a.m., i enjoy that morning joe i didn't have to watch the actual showcase that would be sick but not that they are not newsworthy but they are so upset it's like when you're winning an argument essay you going to cry correctly going to cry?
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and then you want them to cry. over something that literally does not affect them at all. >> and how it affects the daily life they really, really acted like it was satan. armageddon as we know it. . >> what you are saying is what i had. between the media reaction and the impact on your life everything is good but the media acts like it is armageddon and it is constant. because trump impacted seven years of news into one year.
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seven years and to everyone. it still there is a lot going but your life is fine it's just that everybody is reporting it is having a mental breakdown. >> if you have cable you are okay. [laughter] . >> voodoo progressives want to run it against trump in 2020. stick around. [applause]
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greg: a progressive pack straw poll has bernie sanders as the leading choice to run in 2020 when he will be 113 followed by joe biden beto o'rourke elizabeth warren. of course, it is a long way through 2020 and those polls don't usually reflect who becomes a nominee but bernie
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is popular among progressives and i watch the hell out of the trump and bernie show like those old muppets in the balcony complain about everything. [laughter] [applause] bernie one a lot of primaries who is not in that straw poll top five unless of course, you are hillary. >> why am i not 50 points ahead? . >> i want her to run so she does that again. . >> bernie would be 79 in 2020 but o'rourke is young and tall he looks like a kennedy he can read a teleprompter so could obama. and they love that bernie may be that my son is going to
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college right at that time. >> so college will be free. >> and you could name it bernie. >> you are not getting the vote i like water. >> of ever seeing you drink it. >> things are clearly going very well for the democrats at the best option i have for someone who does understand how math works to have a private jet with a five-dollar bill. >> i'm living in the now and it's 2019 so i don't care i'm really not concerned. have we not learned anything about polls? anybody answer their home phone anymore? [laughter]
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no. if somebody calls you to have a minute? click. for those who are actually answering the polls have a lot of time on their hands they are not telling us bernie gets a lot because he was duped and robbed by his own party so regardless we have to watch that because president trump is older but democrats will have a situation like that john mccain he got snubbed so we will let him run. and don't think any democrat with a brain moment to run against president trump because you will waste it so give it to somebody it's his turn. most of those real players will wait it out.
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>> i think it's interesting the party that most identity politics has three white guys at the top but i feel bad for hillary but a long time ago when i was young and much thinner i competed in beauty pageants to go to miss america. so they took out the swimsuit competition there is always a girl he came back every year she would always get runner up that she would never win. we always felt really bad for her so i think hillary clinton is like a really bad beauty pageant contestant. [laughter] [applause] . >> they just applauded. >> my theory is contrast
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because of the 20 candidates he made the other 19 seemly identical and there are studies on this. to have 19 or 20 democrat somebody who could be completely different and stand out? at a know who that is. maybe as donald trump maybe he switches parties and runs against himself. [laughter] . >> i think bloomberg will buy the primary. how much money did he put in for the bear? . >> another white male. >> cap next our favorite fake commercials of the year. [applause] save up to 10% when you bundle with esurance. including me, esurance spokesperson dennis quaid.
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he's a pretty good spokesperson. ehhh. so when i say, "drivers who switched from geico to esurance saved an average of $412," you probably won't believe me. hey, actor lady whose scene was cut. hi. but you can believe this esurance employee, nancy abraham. seriously, send her an email and ask her yourself. no emails... no emails. when insurance is affordable, it's surprisingly painless.
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. >> good evening. a grandmother and two children among the victims of quadruple homicide in missouri authority say a st. louis man shot his girlfriend, two children at eight and ten years old and the woman's mother in the home they shared. investigators say richard
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exchanged gunfire with police stabbing the victim before being taken into custody several hours later facing multiple charges of first-degree murder american doctor is back in the us being monitored at a nebraska hospital he has not been identified is not showing symptoms of ebola more than 360 people have died in the crisis currently affecting the democratic republic of congo. now back to "the greg gutfeld show". greg: over the course of the year all the great videos that we made ever since i drink a whole bottle of champagne so take a look back at our favorite videos of 2018. >> we are not letting people into our country unless they come in legally and through merits. >> i cannot stand him.
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>> about the immigrants? obama made the same .2005. really? it sounded better coming from him. >> having trouble admitting he is right? . >> you need trump lockers. the hottest shades. just put these glasses on and we will fix it. . >> and for those who have earned it. >> that makes sense it has just fallen to three.6 percent which is only the lowest rate in 65 years.
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>> that's a good point. really? why are they elite? i have a better apartment than they do. i'm richer than they are. how does he come up with this stuff? . >> i love my trump lockers how was your weekend and at the end of the week i meet with china and a lot of other countries. but we are doing extremely well. see what i mean? looking good. . >> [applause] . >> one of the creepiest things we have ever done because it actually worked when you put
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it together that's a perfect candidate. . >> my favorite for the james bond that refuses to drink or gamble. take a look. . >> this christmas never seen them before. . >> of course, not violence is so uncivilized. . >> shaken not stirred.
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homegrown and cruelty free. your move double oh seven. . >> it only encouraged and this just that hierarchical structure who are you bluffing? and it isn't a bond film without seduction. . >> and with those near feminist rhetoric of oppression of which they contribute to. and most politically correct of all time.
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. >> it is lgbt now. of course, . [applause] . >> and she should be nominated. and to turn a corner then to sound like dion. . >> with that liverpool accident. no thank you. who wouldn't? of my right?
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. >> my favorite? looking at that modern progressive version. take it out - - check it out. >> what are you doing? it came from mother earth from the swale of the planet. don't you care about deforestation you are contributing to the global epidemic tradition has been used to justify oppression of a majority group who are you? how did you get in here? . >> it's beautiful. >> this is a hallmark of the bourgeoisie. you ruined it.
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we can all enjoy it. . >> what the hell is this? cookies? i am gluten free. the sugar industry has manipulated politicians and studies not to mention the role of the obesity epidemic and the mortality rates but i will take a kale smoothie. >> reindeer? i don't use that that is animal cruelty i use a chevy volt. [laughter] . >> it is time to meet santa claus ho ho. . >> not okay.
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she is not sitting in my lap. >> will have to sign a consent form that all parties involved agree and affirm as a professional and platonic nature. we'll need your social security number. your mother's maiden name? initialize their pleas and also here. . >> i love that. it is awesome. up next the most innovative segment in television history the time when we read your viewer mail.
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greg: to the segment you have written to us and we are not paying you viewer mail everybody gets answers. would you ever host the oscars? jim? i will ask you you are a comedian. you would never last? . >> go back to my tweet an hour ago when i was fired. [laughter] . >> what if they decided to purge all your tweets that is a signal you're hiding something and that i was type
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of person to say who has the time and the garbage can of your words to find stuff. . >>. >> i think it would be fun. . >>. >> that would be terrible that would be the worst thing that ever happened to you. . >> maybe the top five. and to behave the entire time.
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. >> i won't even rate - - wait for the envelope. [laughter] they don't pay a lot either it's like 50000. it's true. . >> so you get 70 percent? . >> so asking a serious question can you tell us about a teacher who influenced you the most? . >> i was homeschooled for two years so i would say that dad influenced me the most. greg: why only two years? . >> i wanted to go back but it helped me be able to study things i had an interest in and learn math in a different
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way and i could go be in community theater. greg: you are in community theater in fifth grade? you are a strange kid. . >> those it said you will never get through life being the class clown. [laughter] . >> my history teacher. [laughter] and turning 18 took us to the first go-go bar it was great. [laughter] . >>.
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>> but the course teacher in high school. and then my choir teacher said open me up to a whole different world and then that was my career. . >> and then a male teacher walked in with another man and i learned what i did not know about in life. and dad is amazing i didn't know that existed. >>.
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>> so if you could travel back in time what would be changed and why? . >> i would go back to tell tom brady to catch the damn ball. [laughter] . >>. >> i would just make sure the super bowls are good. are that angry person i was with her long time then divorced? i should've turned left that night instead of right. greg: you never know what happens. . >> and then when the founding fathers writing the constitution would be amazing.
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and with that football team just one. but that is selfless what about you? . >> there are hundreds of text messages in retrospect on the same evening. but i will text you into the ground. . >> chris said it best. like a siegel.
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vet then i would be born younge younger. >> how young? . >> 15 years. . >> and then that would be interesting. >> that met with total indifference. . >> other than "star wars" what is your least favorite movie love story? love story. . >> anything except happy gilmor gilmore. >> it was fast. . >> the bridges of madison county. i just saw his new movie that was great also metallica.
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. >> people should not step out of the wheelhouse. >> love actually. but specifically where his wife dies and ends up with the supermodel it is so unrealistic in and goes back for him. >> i hated that movie is one of the worst movies ever made historically. even before there were movies talking about how bad that would be you were in his wedding? do that behind your back. there would be enough time in the day for me to what his ass every day i would slug him in the face. >> it started the whole trend of videos people were biting things and subterranean.
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>> have you ever thought of running for office? . >>. >> yes. will you? it sounds like a lot of attention. >> i would just come out and have a big press conference i did this. i did this. [laughter] just let me know right now. . >> i definitely thought about it when i was younger. i couldn't run for office is not the politician who gets in trouble but all the friends
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and they are shady but i have a lot of those friends i want to protect my discussing flyball friends. >> the new study shows that we drink twice as much during the holidays. [applause]
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greg: holiday cheer means drinking more beer the amount of alcohol over the holidays more than any other time of the year which means i'm twice as drunk right now. average american has four drinks and a regular week who are these weak people? i have eight drinks so weak that even what i do thanksgiving or new year's the average american will attend three times more social functions but not me which leads to being late to work three times more than usual and calling in sick twice over the holidays that's better and then rolling into work like thi this. [laughter]
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. >> that is you every morning. >> know. i wear a coat. [laughter] . >> twice as much that seems low with a low number like four drinks a week? that is crazy? that is low but then they go to the office party people feel they are underpaid so they will drink more to stick it to the boss so they drink more but i don't like holiday drinks no egg nog or christmas ale. >> i think it's disgusting to mix food and booze i don't even like the chocolates that have booze keep that crap
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separate. >> like a christmas ale it siliceous yes it has candy of course, that's the bouncing off the walls because of the sugar high if it's seasonal if it was that good they would sell it year-round. [laughter] . >> i like heineken i get one in july and december. perfect. >> do you drink more on the holidays? . >> definitely. and i'm drunk right now also. [laughter] is not just the parties and i love my family but by the end of several days of thanksgiving or christmas for thanksgiving i got over it being bottle of bourbon i was the most popular member this year maybe with a little too much family time span like
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families are hard but that's why we invented booze. >> i drink just what i have to have their stupid holiday questions. >> i got you a just so happens most people date from different races so they can walk away if i make it black i have a large bottle of dark alcohol with a shirt that says please don't let him drink dark alcohol. [laughter] if he does drink or alcohol here's the emergency number to call. >> you drink nothing but white russians i'm sorry date? [laughter] . >> that's because i don't want to get drunk and get real with you. >> that would probably be a lot of you right here. >> i don't like holidays i
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cannot stand them i try to be the worst guy in the room that nobody bothers just leave him alone. [laughter] you know, how he is. >> i'm the garage drinker where's the garage wax and then you never come back chances are they have the second fridge you open it up and there's other stuff in there that they're hiding from people like me everything the second fridge so you form a little ball. >> or find someone else who was just as antisocial but then 20 minutes later you figure he is weird and he starts telling you he just got out and is not jail. [laughter] then you say i'm gonna go back inside. i will go hide. actually drink less it's impossible for me to drink more. >> i drink twice as much as i normally do i would die.
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[laughter] . >> exactly we will see you in a second. two more shows have been added saturday marched second in west palm beach plus a special guest i'm telling you now to have more than enough time to get tickets go to the website for ticket info. [applause] .. if your moderate to severe ulcerative colitis or crohn's symptoms are holding you back,
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tyrus: i'll be on fox news new year's eve. come hang out with me while we judge everybody and complain about, wow, ball dropping. so awesome. we'll do some fun stuff and hang out with people wearing depends because they won't give up their spot. greg: he's not lying. you had about as much enthusiasm about this as i did when i did it. jay any coming dates. >> my book it out. february 2, i'm in the newtown theater in newtown,
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pennsylvania. thank you, morgan, a good job tonight. kat timpf. happy new year, every one. i'm greg gutfeld and i love you, america. [♪] jesse: i'm jesse watters. welcome to this special edition of "watters world." looking back at some of the craziest and controversial moments of 2018. a year and a half into his investigation, the special counsel hasn't even earthed any evidence of collusion between trump and russia. but he made serious moves involving several key players. former national security advisor mike flynn who pled guilty to lie together fbi is cooperating on at least three
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