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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  July 27, 2019 10:00pm-11:00pm PDT

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america. order it now. thanks for watching. i'm jeanine pirro. advocating for truthing with justice and the american way. greg gutfeld is next. see you next week. president trump: moscow mitch says it's a hoax. >> i love this because it as continuation. >> what am i supposed to call him. okay mitch? i don't know, maybe he's right. he's only okay mitch if he's running cocaine to moscow. he's moscow mitch. greg: and he's morning bozo. they called it a hearing but it was more like hard of hearing. >> can you repeat the question, sir. can you we peat that, ma'am.
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can you repeat the last part of that question. i apologize. can you start it again. i am sorry, can you again repeat the question? what was the question? greg: it could be he was trying to run out the clock. for every repeat question he asked, you lose the time available for a new question. i try this when fox news questions the purchases on my corporate credit card. i purchased a lot of leather goods for charitable purposes. but, man, did that hearing take. how bad was it? worse than this. worse than this. and worse than this.
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at least the media took it well. i thought he was boring. he kind of sucked the life out of the report. >> this has been a wall-to-wall failure. >> thehe hearing we watched tody was pretty close to a disaster. >> i think history will judge mueller somewhat harshly here. >> if any of these people knew this would happen today, shame on them. greg: shame on you for building this up like it was the second coming. remember the hype leading up to this crap? think thought they were getting a puppy for their birthday but instead got rabies. they wanted jerpy mcguire but got jerry springer. it's like when your date shows
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up and she doesn't look like her picture in her online profile. you expect this, and instead you get this. i tricked you. i could have been more honest. so it's not mueller's fault. it's the media who encouraged the dems to pursue this purchase. >> this is outside my purview. this is outside my purview. it's not within my purview. it's not within my purview. it's p outside my purview. as i said before and i will say again, it's not in my purview. greg were cats with strong political opinions. so bad. i don't need your pity applause.
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i do need it. but it was never about collusion. that was a charade used to nail trump. the media frothing over russia are the same jerks who mocked communism when the soviet union was nine times larger. so the democrats have nothing. >> the democrats have nothing. now they have less than nothing. greg: and you still ask the question. you know why? president trump: and you still ask the question. you know why? because you are fake news and you are one of the most of. the fact that you even asked that question, you are fake news. because he totally corrected himself in the afternoon and you know that just as well as anybody.rn greg: in case you missed it, again within you are fake news.
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president trump: again you are fake news and you are right at the top of the list. that's why people don't deal with you because you are not an honest reporter. greg: why would he say that? a very dumb and unfair question. president trump: a very dumb and unfair question. you shouldn't even ask that question because you know it's phoney. greg: i wonder if you are untruthful when you ask that question. president trump: you are untruthful when you ask that question. greg:l so who has done a great job? president trump: the administration, our president, me, we have done a great job. greg: me. me. the president, me. they are having fun.
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the trump campaign is now selling plastic straws. the first batch sold out. it's a great idea. take something the left demonizes and poke them in the eyes with it. it made $200,000, but it also exposes the left's policies. a turtle might get a straw in the eye. believe me, i love turtles. the soup is not bad. but more turtles get run over by liberals on the way to their homes in the hamptons than by straws. meanwhile, trump shows how the new republican party can harness the power of hochery. they are shaking their rake at the teens on skate birds and the
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right are laughing their asses off sipping champagne with straws. the liner 2020 campaign merchandise is here including lawn darts. who cares that they think the net even more than the fresh eggs because it's so much also been on fire. and then to the abandoned house. this one comes with a free tetanus shot. what about this slice of bread?
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the last you'll ever need the mainstream media will tell you not to use it. finally this is the 2020 campaign merchandise. [applause] >> let's welcome tonight's guest. he is so patriotic and with friends and really high places jonathan morris. and also cat. then on "fox nation" there is
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tyrus. >> i don't think it's fair to blame mueller. they should blame themselves for pushing this charade. >> of course he didn't want to be there. he didn't write the report everybody else wrote it and then when he didn't want to talk about it he took no questions so that could be the end of it but then he became a private citizen and was forced to testify then at the last minute we thought his lawyer would come with him will now we know why because it's the mueller report. [laughter] >> i kinda feel bad for him prick i really did. like a legitimate american hero he had the wrong people
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do the investigation i don't know but it was a sham and a charade in the democrats need to own that all the way soon that's like after you leave the priesthood to say can you come do a confession? >> he doesn't do confessions anymore. >> i can hear them i just can't do anything about them. [laughter] [applause] >> i felt so bad not just for mueller but the american people hundreds of people are in this room was something that wasn't that important with a nation that is stronger or safer that helps people that what they can be but it is the political class to gain points from the other side
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which is just very sad. >> so the media is eating more crow he owns a crow farm. [laughter] he raises the birds for nourishment he eats a lot of crow. >> is a single? [laughter] you will never starve again. >> nobody found out anything new from this hearing except maybe robert mueller. [laughter] [applause] the same stories over and over again if i want to hear the same stories over and over i would go to the bar to find the drunkest person there probably name chad and talk to him for a little while but at least chad has the decency to buy me a shot at some point to
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help me get through it because they did not buy me any shot. >> yes. one hell of a shot. >> farming throws let's talk about it. i don't think i'm alone i'm just going to keep it real. i didn't watch at. [laughter] [applause] i had a great day. i got up. i lifted weights. then i went to this new breakfast spot. was to get omelettes but nobody was watching so i got a regular one. [laughter] then i got stuff to feed my shark.
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yes prick i have a shark in a fish tank. and then i fed him some shrimp then i went outside to watch my daughter play with her friends. had a beer. had another beer. started to give my daughter life advice. where we at now? 2:15 p.m.? took a nap and woke up with makeup on my face because i have a five -year-old monster. 4:15 p.m. drinking beer around the kids again. 6:00 o'clock i ate again. i was supposed to eat something healthy but i had burgers and hotdogs on the grill with another beer. i took a nap again. i binged watched anything and then i turn the chalice at all.
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[bleep] mueller was on today. and i did the same thing before as i did after because when it first came out i watched and i read it. nothing change. so yes i had a great day. >> but the democrats keep hoping that the ending is changing. but the titanic will not hit the iceberg. it hits the iceberg enough of me shouting. me shouting. next. ♪ applebee's all you can eat is back. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood.
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greg: and now "the greg gutfeld show" presents the 2020 candidates. greg: not cam. one - - competition but ammunition. and spotted in the airport challenging staffers. to say who is better or rourke? [laughter] meanwhile cory booker was on late night with seth myers
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where he said he felt like punching president trump. >> he put his arm around me i stopped in my tracks and i say do that is a felony from a guy and hurt you and my testosterone makes me feel like punching him which would be bad for this overly out of shape man that he is. greg: all this tough talk makes me hot guys. [laughter] you can smell that coming off of him. we will just settle that in the ring. >> get ready. it with that testosterone timebomb cruiser for a loser.
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and that is guaranteed to leave you not wanting more. >> one speak spanish the other speaks spanish harder. >> with special guest this is more than the foreign policy. [applause] >> so i have a theory they are responding to the media who tries to tell them they have to act tough by donald trump so they are overcompensating.
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>> i love the fact the only fact you're talking about is donald trump but not any issues whatsoever they are competing against their staff and then they are talking about donald trump. that doesn't work because donald trump is a president like it or not that's what they have to compete against that they can beat him up and punch him. >> this is a big issue for you. >> beto rourke what watches greg gutfeld. the only thing that matters is push-ups and i am influencing the race. [cheers and applause] >> but cory booker bothered me because before he said all of
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these things he said i don't want to stoop to his level that's what mean little scroll girls do jessica's nose is huge and i hate her so you are trying to be mean. so something that i appreciate about trump. >> you have punched a lot of people. >> i believe the statute of limitations. that is free and clear at the moment. are you sure? >> and with my testosterone and i know karate but i'm
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afraid to swing on you because i want to be beat up. and then president trump will be beat up before he even gets to the fight i guarantee if he squares off mister booker will be crying. [laughter] because the president trump would talk about his mama and him he will just say leave me alone. he is crying the president will look at him and he wins. >> go back to the tape it's not even clear if o'rourke would even be trump. so he has no shot. so this is the last and lowest common denominator of politics you can't figure that out with
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words they don't have anything to say they cannot differentiate himself. i will guarantee you one thing right now cory booker will never be president of the united states. that i can predict. [applause] >> neither will robert francis. >> but this is background noise. >> but he will be one hell of a personal trainer. [laughter] >> i know you can do that. [laughter] that's how cory booker talks. greg: do grocery checkout greg: do grocery checkout lines ma
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[♪] aishah: live from "america's news headquarters," i'm aishah hasnie. the international space station getting 5,000 pounds of supplies saturday. the supplies coming on a spacex dragon. two astronauts will conduct a space walk to connect the cables and high-definition camera. david ortiz is out of the hospital after three surgeries after being shot in a bar in the dominican republic. he'll continue his recovery at home now. the team says there will be an
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update on his medical condition next week. i'm aishah hasnie. show" for all headlines log on to greg: is it worth it? they have more than ten items with the democratic georgia lawmaker to claim a lawmaker told her to go back where she came from at a grocery store. if it didn't start over race or politics but a guy with too many items in the express lane. >> he called me lazy and to go back where i came from because he had a couple of items i wanted to go in front of me he
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said i had 20 instead of ten. what makes you that angry? >> she later backtracked on racism because actually the lawmaker told the guy to go back where he came from. surveillance footage showed but you can't hear anything nothing outrageous seem to has occurred but it exploded and that spread all over social media but still police are not filing any charges but it's clear if you have more items than the limit allows the go back where you came from and put it back on the shelf. go back to the cans of tomato soup. >> i think they are both jackasses. so i can understand when people have too many.
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[laughter] >> but i still do grocery shopping and then the gray area is 12. [applause] >> as somebody tells me to go back where i come from i will go there first. >> this is a serious question for containers of yogurt of yogurt count is for items. >> no. same items. >> it is accounting. >> but are they connected? [laughter]
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>> for your yogurts are four separate items. >> that's all i ever get at the grocery store but god does no. [laughter] >> what are your thoughts? [laughter] >> she confessed in the green room. >> i would notice as somebody had a thousand items in front of me because people say that look around. >> that is not how we sound. >> yes it is. and it turns out quite a lot of trouble. >> if you are hit with the truck than that is trouble. >> he called her names.
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that was wrong. but then she came back to say he hates trump. so she created a political story. >> she made it out of race by the way in the future every press conference should have both sides at the podium did you see that press conference? they were standing next to each other doing this in real time but there's nothing worse than coming out to the one side of the story making it all about race making a contentious any number of matters that he is defending himself. i agree make a rough estimation and i always view that a little bit. i think i am good. so go for it. >>.
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>> there is a lot of caveats. >>. >> you have to be the fourth person with this story. >> first of all this was 20. [laughter] [applause] >> i happen to believe i thank you are pretty emotional over small things that then when you get mad at somebody you create a story around it and
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greg: don't you just live one - - love that? and with the military parade where a guy comes flying in holding a rifle in france it turns out it was a baguette.
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and it is the inventor who scared the hell out of me the same guy who tried to cross the english channel and fell in the water after 15 minutes this week. that then i saw a flamethrower attached to a personal drone that's made by a company not nestlé quick and cans bit flames with a brutal hell fire. check out the ad. >> they have a real-time view. and it is built to support maximum flight time and then to deliver precision with a
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high power plasma it with that vital infrastructure but the wasp attachment is a versatile fit and capable of any mission no matter how tough. greg: holy crap. [laughter] apparently is ideal for clearing brush in eliminating past and making s'mores. but don't make s'mores you will die. [laughter] >> they left out smoking isis but look at this right here. paisley run up with the bat and then run away but i will say that.
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[laughter] >> but at least he is on a hover board. >> but humans like to combine things. it was i.c.e. cream but then this point would fold in stuff like toffee bits now we combine drones and flame throwers what's going on? >>. >> it is a special report. >> but thank god. even the interest to know that.
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that the show could be about this so how do you even know that exist? you have to be trolling the internet. >> i have google alerts for flamethrowers. [laughter] and then my night is made. and that's for everyone. >> wow. the next commercial i don't want to get out of the chair. [laughter] loud barking dog sexy neighbor is no problem. think about it. >> hornets nest are a huge problem in the united states. if jerome has to fly in from above. [laughter]
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but here is the scary part that's made for the public which means the drones and the military it would be drones from above and that is game over. >> imagine what they have got. >> this will eliminate a lot. >> i am an expert on the future. [laughter] >> you are supposed to audition for special report. >> hello. that's fine but i want to talk about france. because watching this story isn't it interesting how cnn was just fine with this? imagine of donald trump had a gun days they say there goes the republicans murdering people because they are supporting the second
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amendment just because it is french. [laughter] that was in that from the parade? >> and then that goes toward the french. >> the ratings are in the tweets. >> i was talking. >> don't ever talk over my jokes again. the biggest segment. >> when i showed my mom the dna results,
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greg: do you wake up in the sweat a new survey shows four out of ten people regret how they live their lives. of the biggest regret spending
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too much time at work, not traveling enough, neglecting their health, not spending enough time with family. not being a better parent. one of those regrets sounds like my goals. [laughter] anyway. [laughter] >> i want to spend less time with my family. with those positive changes more than half say it's not too late that my other regret is a motivator. >> he has a lot of regrets and that's probably one of them. >> this is real conversation
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by regret joining the priesthood? neither. that's because we cannot make up our future we just leave it in the present and also to say it probably doesn't do any good. and this is not a laughing matter but i am so grateful but at the same time i say that i knew that i had to follow my heart and for so many years i would say doing good things because i was afraid of other people's expectations. so do i have regrets?
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yes. if you don't you don't have a conscience on some level do i regret joining the priesthood but that's useless to think about that that talk about now. >> the next segment is going to be about you. [laughter] [applause] >> so if you change anyway you have lived your life because if you quit your job and you have no idea where you would have gone if you didn't make the changes it could have been far worse. >> but not if you had bedbugs. [laughter] >> i regret between 202,019. 2000 is when i was born i was very young. too young to regret anything?
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but i think the people that are so regrets are so proud not to are those of the ones that need regrets. you just threw up in your purse. [laughter] but you are an idiot. if you don't have regrets then you can't learn from those. and bedbugs are as bad as they say. [laughter] >> the good thing about the priesthood is that it's not a woman so be you don't regret as much because i don't have to have regrets because i have a woman who will remind you of anything you've ever done. [laughter]
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so when you left god that was a clean break. [laughter] >> every man in this chair knows that i'm talking about. [laughter] you cannot afford regret. [laughter] spank if anybody knows what you're talking about it is me. [laughter] spent there is a whole pool of regret and bedbugs. >> i say somebody has that one time. [laughter] >> with everything that i have ever done. >> i did not expect the direction of this segment. [laughter] >> but it's overrated.
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>> i have thrown up in person. >> and we have plenty of mistakes but what's the deal start small and move on but don't dwell on that. >> but also each regret it takes you to a place where you are with the other direction you could be gay. but then i would be in a dead cemetery wondering what i did to get there. [laughter] returning this fall the gut felt monologues i'll be in atlanta at jacksonville and durham in november. knoxville in december. at visionworks, we guarantee you'll see great and look great. "guarantee". we say that too. you gotta use "these" because we don't mean it.
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10:59 pm offers free so bookers can book now... and ask their boss later. [do you want breakfast or no?] free cancellations! [definitely breakfast.] how good is that? be a booker at greg: we are out of time. special thanks to jonathan
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morris. pete hegseth. kat timpf. an [♪] jesse: welcome to. "watters' world." i'm jesse watters. robert mueller facing off with lawmakers for the first time. the republicans for once were very well prepared. >> welcome to the last gasp of the russian conspiracy theory. >> can you give me an example other than done * where the justice department determined an innocent person was not exonerated. >> i can't but this unique. >> you are a bunch of people who


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