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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  July 28, 2019 2:00pm-3:00pm PDT

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truth and justice and the american way. see you next week.
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it was worse than this. >> worse than this. and worse than this. >> already said i will not be
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making any -- [laughter] at least the media took it well. i thought he was boring. he kind of sucked the life out of the report. let's not kid ourselves is been a wall-to-wall failure. >> the all hearing we watched today was pretty close to a disaster. >> i think history will judge mueller somewhat harshly here. >> if any of the people knew that this is what would happen to shame on them. >> no, shame on you you --! for building the supplicant was the second coming. remember the hype leading up to this crap?dems in the media thought they were getting a puppy for their birthday. instead they got rabies. [11 wanted the godfather and they got godfather three. they wanted jerry maguire and instead, jerry springer. you can feel the soul crushing
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disappointment.it is like when your date shows up but does oinot look at all like a picture. in her online profile. you know you expect this -- and instead you get this. [laughter] i checked a few! i could have been more honest. it's not his fault. is the media who encouraged the dems to pursue the circus. i call it stupid on stupid crime. no wonder nothing was in his purview. >> this is outside the purview. outside my purview. outside my purview. it is not my purview. that is beyond my purview. it is not within my purview. it is still outside my purview. as i said before and i will say it again it is not in my purview. >> now there is an idea for a show per starting cats with strong political opinions. [applause] i do not need your pity
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applause. [laughter] i do need it! but it was never about collision was just a charade used to nail trump per member the media now on russia the same jerks who mock those that fought communism when ussr was eight times larger. but the dems have a problem in that america has no problem. except was the democrats create. so do the democrats have nothing? >> the democrats have nothing. and now they have less than nothing. [laughter] and use of the question.you know why? >> and you still have the question, you know why? because you are fake news. and let me just say the fact that you even ask that question, you are fake news because you know what? he totally corrected himself in the afternoon. and you know that just as well as anybody. >> in case you missed it again, you are fake news!
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>> again, you are fake news and your right at the top of the list also. that's why people don't deal with you. because otyou're not an honest reporter. >> why would he say that? no, no. a very dumb and unfair question. >> no, no a very dumb and very unfair question. you should not even ask that question because you know it is a phony. [laughter] >> one if you are untruthful when you ask that question. >> you are untruthful when you ask that. you are untruthful. when you ask that question. and if you were ever truthful you'll be able -- [laughter] >> so! who has done a great job? >> the administration, our president, me. we've done a great job. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> me! me! the president, me! [laughter]
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they are having fun! the trump campaign is now selling plastic straws! first batch sold out. it's a great idea. take something to lesson demonize and poked him in the eyes with her. they make 200 and grandpa also exposes left absurd priorities. think about liberal policies have led to payday rinses, screwed up law enforcement, handicapped borders, eliminated jobs, education and housing bubbles. bubut a turtle might get the straw in the eye. believe may, i love turtles. the soup isn't that bad. they're more likely to get run over in the hamptons then hurt by straws. [applause] while trump shows -- another
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cranky old fort shaken their rake at the teens on skateboards and the sright of those laughing their asses off sipping whiskey from plastic straws. but the trump campaign shouldn't stop with plastic straws. i've seen a lot of scary stuff. >> miss amount on the also trump straws? your luck because the 2020 trump campaign merchandise is here including darts. what your peers never wanted you have but you're an adult now so who cares what they think. rotten eggs proven to go 50 percent further than fresh eggs when throwing them at nerds. and dog crap, so much awesome on fire. use this to build a wall. and with a nail in it. this one comes with a free tetanus shot. a toaster fork. need to get the stuck slice of bread? this 100 percent metal fork is the last one you will ever
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need. the mainstream media will tell you not to use but what do they know anyway? finally, a live cobra in a tiny maga hat. talk about the ultimate line of trump 2020 merchandise. [cheers and applause] >> to discuss, he so patriotic the american -- "fox and friends" weekend cohost. [applause] >> he has friends in really high places. theologian, fox news contributor, jonathan morris. [applause] >> she is outspoken when she is not token, on "fox nation", katherine timpf. he is larger-than-life and basically most other things. my massive sidekick and post on "fox nation", tyrus.
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[applause] i was watching the responses. i don't think it is fair to blame mueller. i don't think you wanted to be there. they should blame themselves for pushing the charade. >> of course he didn't want to be there! he wrote a report. he did not write it, he had everyone else write it and put his name on top of it. didn't even read himself. and then when he did not want to talk about he gave a press conference where he took no questions. it was totally scripted. so it could be the end of it but then they became a private citizen. and as a result they could subpoena him and he was forced to testify. then last minute we found his lawyer was going to come with him and without why is that happening? of course we know why no he doesn't know the report! >> yeah, terrible! [laughter] >> i kind of felt bad for the guy. i really did. a bronze star with valor vietnam a legitimate american
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hero. ia lot of great service to the country, maybe hard the wrong people to do the investigation. maybe the wrong motives, i don't know but it was a sham and a charade and the democrats should own it all the way. >> i agree and you know it reminds me of jonathan, because he used to be a priest. look at me call you after you left the priesthood. can you come to confession over the weekend? [laughter] >> in the green room. >> he doesn't do confessions anymore. kressa hit him i just can't do anything about them. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> what did you make of the week. >> i felt bad not just for mueller but the american people. hundreds of people would be in the room talking about something that was not really that important for the endgame of a nation that is stronger, a nation that is safer and a nation that helps people become the people that they can be. instead it was the political class trying to gain points from the other side. which is just very sad.
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>> you are right. i just like kat the media, they are eating marco that my cousin steve. and he owns a crow farm where he raises the birds for nourishment. he eats a lot of crow! >> is he single? >> yes, he is. you'll never have to start again. >> excellent sound like my dream. [laughter] >> look, nobody found out anything new from this hearing. like except maybe robert mueller. but other than that. [laughter] [cheers and applause] it was just the same story over and over again. if i wanted to hear the same stories over and over again i would go to the bar, find a drunk person there, probably named chad, and talk to him for little while but at least chad will probably have the decency to buy me a shot at some point.
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so i can have something to help me get through it but congressional democrats didn't do that. >> they didn't. >> they did buy me any shot. in fact, they never have! >> and you paid $30 million for that travesty. that is one hell of a shot! right tyrus? >> yes, one hell of a shot. farming crows. let's talk about it. [laughter] i don't know i don't think i'm alone. i'll just keep it real, i didn't watch it. [laughter] i had a great day. [laughter] i got up, went and looked at some weights. >> yes. >> then i went to a new breakfast spot. >> yeah. >> i was supposed to get an egg white omelette but no one was watching so i got a regular one. now i am at like 11:30 a.m. -ish. then i went to get stuff to feed my shock. [laughter] >> you have a shark? >> yes in a fish tank. and then i fed him some shrimp
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in -- and his little ill buddies. i went outside and watched my daughter play with her friends, had a beer. [laughter] nolan had another beer. started give my daughter life advice. [laughter] five, where are we now? about 2:15 pm? >> yes. >> i took a nap and woke up with makeup on my face because my child is a monster. 4:15 pm got in trouble with drinking around the kids again. >> and wearing makeup. >> 6:00 i ate again. , i was supposed eat something healthy. but had burgers and hotdogs on the grill. another beer. took a nap again. >> yes? >> binge watched some stuff on netflix. flipped a channel. said -- mueller was on today! [laughter]
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and guess what? >> what? >> i knew the same thing before then i did afterwards when it first came out, i watched it and i read it. nothing changed. >> exactly! had a great day. >> that is it difference between you and a democrat. they keep looking for a different ending. enough of me shouting. push-ups and punches. xt. my experience with usaa has been excellent. they really appreciate the military family and it really shows. with all that usaa offers why go with anybody else? we know their rates are good, we know that they're always going to take care of us. it was an instant savings and i should have changed a long time ago. it was funny because when we would call another insurance company, hey would say "oh we can't beat usaa" we're the webber family. we're the tenney's we're the hayles, and we're usaa members for life.
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gutfeld show" presents the 2020 candidates. greg: not cam. one - - competition but ammunition. and spotted in the airport challenging staffers. to say who is better or rourke? [laughter] meanwhile cory booker was on late night with seth myers
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where he said he felt like punching president trump. >> he put his arm around me i stopped in my tracks and i say do that is a felony from a guy and hurt you and my testosterone makes me feel like punching him which would be bad for this overly out of shape man that he is. greg: all this tough talk makes me hot guys. [laughter] you can smell that coming off of him. we will just settle that in the ring. >> get ready. it with that testosterone timebomb cruiser for a loser.
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and that is guaranteed to leave you not wanting more. >> one speak spanish the other speaks spanish harder. >> with special guest this is more than the foreign policy. [applause] >> so i have a theory they are responding to the media who tries to tell them they have to act tough by donald trump so they are overcompensating. >> i love the fact the only
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fact you're talking about is donald trump but not any issues whatsoever they are competing against their staff and then they are talking about donald trump. that doesn't work because donald trump is a president like it or not that's what they have to compete against that they can beat him up and punch him. >> this is a big issue for you. >> beto rourke what watches greg gutfeld. the only thing that matters is push-ups and i am influencing the race. [cheers and applause] >> but cory booker bothered me because before he said all of these things he said i don't
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want to stoop to his level that's what mean little scroll girls do jessica's nose is huge and i hate her so you are trying to be mean. so something that i appreciate about trump. >> you have punched a lot of people. >> i believe the statute of limitations. that is free and clear at the moment. are you sure? >> and with my testosterone and i know karate but i'm
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afraid to swing on you because i want to be beat up. and then president trump will be beat up before he even gets to the fight i guarantee if he squares off mister booker will be crying. [laughter] because the president trump would talk about his mama and him he will just say leave me alone. he is crying the president will look at him and he wins. >> go back to the tape it's not even clear if o'rourke would even be trump. so he has no shot. so this is the last and lowest common denominator of politics you can't figure that out with words they don't have anything
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to say they cannot differentiate himself. i will guarantee you one thing right now cory booker will never be president of the united states. that i can predict. [applause] >> neither will robert francis. >> but this is background noise. >> but he will be one hell of a personal trainer. [laughter] >> i know you can do that. [laughter] that's how cory booker talks. greg: do grocery checkout lines ma [running through woods] so i think we're going with a family van. a family van? was that her choice? naaah man, that was my choice. this thing's got reclining seats, dvd player, it's got a built-in vacuum cleaner. you ever seen my kid eat crackers? yeah... so you see how that works? mm-hmm. sometimes you gotta go straight for the source.
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headquarters" i'm jon scott. another white house shake appeared word out of washington the director of national intelligence, dan coats, will step down amid coming days. president trump and his nominee to replace him. texas congressman john radcliffe. he has reported to class with the white house including the presidents attack on his intelligence people.and the woman replace the outgoing political governor does not want the job. the justice secretary wanda vasquez said in a twitter post hopes that they will appoint a secretary of state before resigning next friday. the governor is stepping down
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after massive protests over a leaked chat in which he and close advisors insulted women and victims of hurricane maria. i'm jon scott, i will see you at the top of the hour for "fox report" at the top of the hour. now back to the greg gutfeld show. is it worth it? they have more than ten items with the democratic georgia lawmaker to claim a lawmaker told her to go back where she came from at a grocery store. if it didn't start over race or politics but a guy with too many items in the express lane. >> he called me lazy and to go back where i came from because he had a couple of items i wanted to go in front of me he
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said i had 20 instead of ten. what makes you that angry? >> she later backtracked on racism because actually the lawmaker told the guy to go back where he came from. surveillance footage showed but you can't hear anything nothing outrageous seem to has occurred but it exploded and that spread all over social media but still police are not filing any charges but it's clear if you have more items than the limit allows the go back where you came from and put it back on the shelf. go back to the cans of tomato soup. >> i think they are both jackasses. so i can understand when people have too many.
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[laughter] >> but i still do grocery shopping and then the gray area is 12. [applause] >> as somebody tells me to go back where i come from i will go there first. >> this is a serious question for containers of yogurt of yogurt count is for items. >> no. same items. >> it is accounting. >> but are they connected? [laughter] >> for your yogurts are four
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separate items. >> that's all i ever get at the grocery store but god does no. [laughter] >> what are your thoughts? [laughter] >> she confessed in the green room. >> i would notice as somebody had a thousand items in front of me because people say that look around. >> that is not how we sound. >> yes it is. and it turns out quite a lot of trouble. >> if you are hit with the truck than that is trouble. >> he called her names. that was wrong.
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but then she came back to say he hates trump. so she created a political story. >> she made it out of race by the way in the future every press conference should have both sides at the podium did you see that press conference? they were standing next to each other doing this in real time but there's nothing worse than coming out to the one side of the story making it all about race making a contentious any number of matters that he is defending himself. i agree make a rough estimation and i always view that a little bit. i think i am good. so go for it. >>.
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>> there is a lot of caveats. >>. >> you have to be the fourth person with this story. >> first of all this was 20. [laughter] [applause] >> i happen to believe i thank you are pretty emotional over small things that then when you get mad at somebody you create a story around it and then you realize it did not
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scared the hell out of me the same guy who tried to cross the english channel and fell in the water after 15 minutes this week. that then i saw a flamethrower attached to a personal drone that's made by a company not nestlé quick and cans bit flames with a brutal hell fire. check out the ad. >> they have a real-time view. and it is built to support maximum flight time and then to deliver precision with a high power plasma it with that
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vital infrastructure but the wasp attachment is a versatile fit and capable of any mission no matter how tough. greg: holy crap. [laughter] apparently is ideal for clearing brush in eliminating past and making s'mores. but don't make s'mores you will die. [laughter] >> they left out smoking isis but look at this right here. paisley run up with the bat and then run away but i will say that.
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[laughter] >> but at least he is on a hover board. >> but humans like to combine things. it was i.c.e. cream but then this point would fold in stuff like toffee bits now we combine drones and flame throwers what's going on? >>. >> it is a special report. >> but thank god. even the interest to know that.
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that the show could be about this so how do you even know that exist? you have to be trolling the internet. >> i have google alerts for flamethrowers. [laughter] and then my night is made. and that's for everyone. >> wow. the next commercial i don't want to get out of the chair. [laughter] loud barking dog sexy neighbor is no problem. think about it. >> hornets nest are a huge problem in the united states. if jerome has to fly in from above. [laughter]
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but here is the scary part that's made for the public which means the drones and the military it would be drones from above and that is game over. >> imagine what they have got. >> this will eliminate a lot. >> i am an expert on the future. [laughter] >> you are supposed to audition for special report. >> hello. that's fine but i want to talk about france. because watching this story isn't it interesting how cnn was just fine with this? imagine of donald trump had a gun days they say there goes the republicans murdering people because they are supporting the second
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amendment just because it is french. [laughter] that was in that from the parade? >> and then that goes toward the french. >> the ratings are in the tweets. >> i was talking. >> don't ever talk over my jokes again. the biggest segment. >> ♪
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greg: do you wake up in the sweat a new survey shows four out of ten people regret how they live their lives. of the biggest regret spending too much time at work, not
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traveling enough, neglecting their health, not spending enough time with family. not being a better parent. one of those regrets sounds like my goals. [laughter] anyway. [laughter] >> i want to spend less time with my family. with those positive changes more than half say it's not too late that my other regret is a motivator. >> he has a lot of regrets and that's probably one of them. >> this is real conversation
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by regret joining the priesthood? neither. that's because we cannot make up our future we just leave it in the present and also to say it probably doesn't do any good. and this is not a laughing matter but i am so grateful but at the same time i say that i knew that i had to follow my heart and for so many years i would say doing good things because i was afraid of other people's expectations. so do i have regrets?
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yes. if you don't you don't have a conscience on some level do i regret joining the priesthood but that's useless to think about that that talk about now. >> the next segment is going to be about you. [laughter] [applause] >> so if you change anyway you have lived your life because if you quit your job and you have no idea where you would have gone if you didn't make the changes it could have been far worse. >> but not if you had bedbugs. [laughter] >> i regret between 202,019. 2000 is when i was born i was very young. too young to regret anything?
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but i think the people that are so regrets are so proud not to are those of the ones that need regrets. you just threw up in your purse. [laughter] but you are an idiot. if you don't have regrets then you can't learn from those. and bedbugs are as bad as they say. [laughter] >> the good thing about the priesthood is that it's not a woman so be you don't regret as much because i don't have to have regrets because i have a woman who will remind you of anything you've ever done. [laughter]
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so when you left god that was a clean break. [laughter] >> every man in this chair knows that i'm talking about. [laughter] you cannot afford regret. [laughter] spank if anybody knows what you're talking about it is me. [laughter] spent there is a whole pool of regret and bedbugs. >> i say somebody has that one time. [laughter] >> with everything that i have ever done. >> i did not expect the direction of this segment. [laughter] >> but it's overrated.
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>> i have thrown up in person. >> and we have plenty of mistakes but what's the deal start small and move on but don't dwell on that. >> but also each regret it takes you to a place where you are with the other direction you could be gay. but then i would be in a dead cemetery wondering what i did to get there. [laughter] returning this fall the gut felt monologues i'll be in atlanta at jacksonville and durham in november. knoxville in december. this is the story of john smith. not this john smith or this john smith. or any of the other hundreds of john smiths that are humana medicare advantage members.
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no, it's this john smith, who met with humana to create a personalized care plan. at humana, we have more ways to care for your health, and we find one that works just for you. no matter what your name is. hi. maria ramirez!
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morris. pete hegseth. kat timpf. an ♪ jon: another high-level white house shake-up. director of national intelligence dan coats set to leave his report by next month after two years with the trump administration. i'm jon scott, and this is "the fox report." ♪ ♪ jon: coats' resignation reportedly coming after repeated disagreements with the president on key national security issues. president trump has announced he will nominate texas congressman john ratcliffe to replace him. david spunt is at the white house with breaking adopts. >> reporter: good evening from the white house. president trump confirmed this about an hour ago here from the white house. john july 12th -- on july 12st, fox news was the first to say he was considering it. late this afternoon confirming this, he

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