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tv   The Greg Gutfeld Show  FOX News  December 8, 2019 1:00am-2:00am PST

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you hi. the impeachment hearing was one huge will be cushion and we both sat on it. think about it as a crappy horror films. they wrote the script they took the lead roles, and found some experts from a loony bin. then they had us suckers and
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cable news act as their theater. we put on the play and we covered it like a marshmallow on more. what a play it was. >> never before has the president have engaged in the course of conduct that have had all of the acts that most concern the framers. >> the framers of our constitution, the framers concern, i stand with the framers. >> i can't speak for the framers themselves obviously. gutfeld: if the framers were alive today they would be puking all over these bozos. but the dems know that whatever they do, we must cover it. every policy announcement is an incoming asteroid. and now the hearings are the equivalent of trump rallies for the media. true trump filling arena while cnn can barely fill a room. but if you ask anyone of the news, haywire showing this crab,
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the seo but it's news. in reality they're only showing it because they know it will catch heat from the media pals if they don't. it's true even in broadcasting. pressure rules. which is why the dems know there's just no limit. >> there is no limits on the number of times the senate can vote to convict or not a president. there's no limit to the number of times the house can impeach or not the president. >> see get that the dems see the speech there the house they can hit sit at the table forever and keep losing forever. because they believe there are no consequences. and of course the media plays along. >> welcome to the next act in a drama that's about to consume the presidency. >> we are right in the strike zone of a major moment. >> this is a historic day here in the nation's capital. >> we are at a critical. >> thank you for showing this consequent old thing with this.
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>> what a day, is quite something to watch. gutfeld: oh, you bozos, everything is critical. everything is the end of the world. [applause] they are all just bitter. because in this movie called life, trump is the star and now they are just the pathetic extras. right adam? >> and now adam shift with carfax. ♪ jingle bells batman smells, adam laid the foundation for impeachment. wiseman do this, how g.
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♪ giuliani, that somebody in ukraine, if you ever saw him, he would drive you insane ♪ ♪ [laughter] [applause] why do i even need to do monologue? so this charade continues and the serious news takes it seriously because it's so serious. i mean they actually referred to these experts as witnesses it was as though they witnessed nothing. the fact is that the democrats have a phony show trial using your tax money. it's like finding out your spouse is cheating on you after they bill you for the jacuzzi suite. meanwhile the jacuzzi? well really we all got played. you turn into watch the five and instead you get this idiot.
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>> the constitution says you get no titles of nobility so while the president can name his son baron he can't make him a barren [booing] gotta love that the she thought she was so clever. , you people is the.they didn't leave the joke about a child is obviously planned. she knew if she was on friendly turf surrounded by her own personal mob. she was shown shown specifically to shine but instead she pooped the bed. [laughter] >> i want to apologize what i said earlier it was wrong of me to it do that. i wish the president would apologize for the things he does wrong. but that's amazing she had to swipe at front betraying the in tired hearing is a biased agent. but these are little people with little ideas and they have no ideas how to beat trump steal the election from him and really you, america. fact is there's no bipartisan support for the circus and
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everybody knows that. but yet they move forward under this the claim that his abuse of power which now opens them up for that same accusation. after all using impeachment in a purely partisan effort to undo an election and that's not an abuse of power, what is? adam? [applause] and now adam schiff with the rubik's cube. [laughter] [laughter] ♪ [laughter] ♪ this has been adam shift doesn't smell a rubik's cube.
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>> sorry, sorry. but there was other news like trump successfully trump forcing other countries to pay us the money they os. which is why we hired him in the first place. [applause] the only story that mattered, world leaders caught laughing about him. [inaudible] >> how cute. the mean girl that the beauty salon griping about their bosses. and let's face it, he is their boss. but trudeau seemed especially excited to jabber about trump like an eighth grader discovering there's a substitute teaching math. trim called him to face, the brilliant jab considering trudeau's the first prime minister ever to make blackface part of black tie. [laughter] he really does have two faces
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did you see what a good puppy he was a trump earlier? >> room memory talk to 70% increase over the last year including for the coming year. including wii significant investments in our fighter jets. significant investments in our naval fleets fleets. we are increasing significantly our defense spending. >> okay where are you now in terms of your number? [laughter] >> 13? fourteen. [laughter] he treated him like brents michaels from celebrity apprentice and he is denying. he shouldn't pad him on the head and said good boy. [laughter] but the other major offender's
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lacrosse which i dig is belgian for bear. it's from someplace come france where i think they grow mimes. so they had a laugh, but they got the money, billions of dollars because trump told them to pay a burress else. so let them squawk which means trump is working. but all his work doing is working. he's really hired by you who is the boss on him. and he knows that. the dems are so depressed. right adam? >> and now adam schiff with his only friend. ♪ yeah i can't believe it man, my pet died. [laughter] congratulations adam. i said he died, he was my best friend. >> i had a best friend once. >> really. >> and he died? >> yes bruce willis. >> adam bruce willis is still
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alive. >> wrong he is dead the whole time. >> are you trying mother move the 6 cents? >> yes my favorite documentary. [laughter] [applause] [laughter] let's welcome tonight's guest. he looks like where's waldo if nobody ever found him. comedian joe devito. [applause] and she is so she's often blame for global warming emily come body zero. she will over share without a care captive. [applause] he literally is a big thinker. my sidekick tyrus.
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[applause] alright, joe should trump be concerned about other world leaders mocking him? >> not at all. those chattering magpies are wasting time in study hall. [laughter] he does not care what they think at all. and i think it's so funny when he calls trudeau two-faced he must've thought what pictures did they find out? [laughter] he's like cheney the man of a thousand faces. it's amazing to see trump was even more bored than we were. [laughter] imagine having to listen to stats about canada. [laughter] he's not worried, i don't think he's even worried about the impeachment process is going on. it's in a blowup in the spaces and a peek at the wrong points and people are going to be bored by it in a skin to be able old news by the time election comes around. and he'll be elicited to win. >> exactly in a work in his
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favor. emily did you find these professors especially pompous? or did you see them actual experts? >> i saw them as pompous. he brought me back to law school and i felt so embarrassed for everyone, for all of us had to sit do that. and for people who are used to regular court proceedings, this was totally recognizable. they were academics who were pronouncing guilt and with their guilt showing through. and now obstruction is resisting some oddly undefined process and were supposed to just swallow without questioning. as a defendant is supposed to questioning it. so the whole thing is clearly off. and if the democrats really cleared about abuse of power in securing evidence and analyzing it. it was there would not be a rush they would be waiting for the january court series and the mueller grand jury to come out, and they'll be taking their time because this is a big deal. but instead they remedied our threats.
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>> garbage, it's a garbage theme cat that's what it is garbage. i thought i'd yell it a few times just for effect. are the dems overplaying their hand? >> want to think about impeachment which is all the time. [laughter] i think it's just crazy because it all started because a phone call. that people were listening to. like that misspeak so crazy to have all of your phone calls being listened to. like i freak out about being on the phone because they sound weird or whatever. but if mine were being listened to, i would have been paged my local deli by now. but that's not a thing they make it one. in the bottom line is if you are wondering if i can turn a conversation about impeachment into one about myself and my insecurities, all while law i did it. >> tyrus wrap it up for us what we are thoughts for this week? >> okay, so i generally try to
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avoid cnn as much as possible. i put it on the porn safety lock on my remote. [laughter] you can do that. >> i didn't know. >> and what did they do, they came to washington. it was a cnn panel with the democrats like it was just like their shows. three angry democrats and one poor republican. i just want everyone to calm down, i'm going to say seven fax. bhutto shut up i hate you. that's what it was. and i did my best because you've been on nathan about not watching stuff. so i watched it hard. i was literally like this the whole time. [laughter] and when i woke up, guess what happens. everyone still fell to the same. [laughter] >> also that republican didn't
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even vote for trump. he was knotted trump republican, just the fact that he had a nuance of you, they were like gay hay hay. way to get people to try to go along with you. >> is actually a non- republican is a democrat. now they said they hate him. >> all right we've got much much more. [laughter] [laughter] back in a bit. when we started our business we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. i remember setting up shipstation. one or two clicks and everything was up and running. i was printing out labels and saving money. shipstation saves us so much time. it makes it really easy and seamless. pick an order, print everything you need, slap the label onto the box, and it's ready to go. our costs for shipping were cut in half. just like that. shipstation. the #1 choice of online sellers. go to and get 2 months free.
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shipstation. the #1 choice of o[ dramatic music ]ing ] ahhhh! -ahhhh! elliott. you came back!
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and now that greg got phil show presents the 2020 candidates. huge huge news this week. shocking news, no one i mean no one saw this coming. willie nelson quit smoking pot. i never thought i would see the day. as for the candidates, nothing really surprising. quick recap. pamela harris quit the race and then blames it on race. which makes all the democrats racists, while they did start the kkk. and i don't know why but andrew yang sprayed with cream into supporters mouths. as you watch yang check out the
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guy in the puppy jacket behind him. [inaudible] [laughter] our next president. [applause] no willie nelson you're not high anymore. that really happened and i think yang just went out with a bang. there is another thing that rhymes, i'm not using that one though. but joe biden still leading the polls even though his name his iowa bus to her now malarkey. i worried that hasn't been said since the dems started the kkk. even though he called the guy in iowa a damn liar. listen. >> your selling access to the present to the present just like he did. you're a damn liar man, let's do
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push-ups together. [applause] i didn't say you were doing anything wrong. >> you said i set up my son to let work in an oil company. get your story straight jack. >> oh yeah. that is no malarkey. two old guys going at it and it gets better after the event the crowd thinning out but the guy sticks around and starts answering reporters questions this happens. >> why don't you just get out of here. stick it up your. [applause] that's the guy the dems should nominate. i would not mess with him.
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alright cat since you're so excited over the whip cream, they are plotting it with whipped cream cat. okay so, everyone is wrong about the whip cream they're saying and escort whip cream in people's mouth, that's a perfectly reasonable thing to do with a can of whipped cream. what's weird is that he had a can of whipped cream. that's what the media is afraid to ask. it's not like a pen or a tissue, that is not something that's just lying around. it's very difficult to transport. it's dairy, you have to keep it refrigerated. [laughter] i would keep a bowl of strawberries by you could say that was for your strawberry. but it wasn't that he was just carrying the thing around. pervert.
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>> that's the real question in everyone's too afraid to ask. >> you're right everybody's right there's too much time spending on impeachment to not think about that. his staffer could use his job. you can see them updating his resume. in 2019 as backpacking in europe. [laughter] i found it very disturbing and i'm not homophobic but i am lactose intolerant. [laughter] but it's good news for andrew yang. because he's never going to be president, but with that kind of skills he could be a pool boy, delivery guy, even be a plumber. [laughter] >> tyrus do you want to speak? i met a guess in trouble i need a minute go to emily. >> emily would you like to comment on the whipped cream or
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whipping some old guys? >> i think just that when yang inevitably drops out he should be the frat party planner that he clearly wants to be. right? and on that event was rock-bottom. so they were in ohio, actually they were nigh when he said they were in ohio. cities vice president 1976. the whole campaign is, when are they gonna say this guy is the crypt keeper? he does. [applause] >> tyrus i've given you enough time. >> biden joe jack, no malarkey. if he starts wearing his pants up to his chest, i'm all in. >> it's going to be an amazing debate.
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i think it will be a fair debate if trump is up here being himself in joe is allowed to bring a rake. >> i think organ to get what the people want. it's literally going to be smart old guy and old guy. >> all right we've gotta move on there's lots more to come. back in a
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i am my mischa hasse back to the greg got phil show.
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it's the holiday ad that made losers mad. on this spot for the pricey exercise bike got some people worked up. instead of working out. [laughter] yes thank you. see if you can swallow people don't like about this ad. >> okay ready, now ♪ ♪ it's my first ride bramble nervous but excited. all right five days in a rope. right first ride, yes 6:00 a.m. 6:00 a.m. rising with the sun. totally worth it. a year ago i didn't realize how much this could change me. , thank you. this holiday give the gift of pellets. >> and then she stabbed them to death. anyway the usual scriptures that the ad was sexist. how dare the man already by his skinny bike skinny wife and
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exercise bike. what is she look so afraid and now the guy in the ad, the actors worried he's a budding actor on a schoolteacher. and now my phone is ringing, and he's wondering if both careers might be affected all because of the social media mob. as for pelleting, the company lost 1.5 billion in market value in the days following the backlash. now i'm no kabuto. [laughter] but that's bad. [laughter] maybe i am kabuto. if only pellets on would've gone with my idea for an ad ♪ ♪ [inaudible]
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[laughter] all right emily you are a woman, did you find this offensive? >> no but i found it stupid. but was stupid was the response. all the sudden on the internet and facebook and read it the same post kept popping up with the women popping up saying i am that woman, i am too busy i need time to myself. i need to lose 3 pounds. but in was awarded the same. so, so easy that pellets on our town and i don't how to pronounce it, it made them lose even more. it was a thinly veiled response that failed. it was ridiculous. >> tyrus is you find it offensive? >> i find this conversation offensive. this is not real. i was not at fresh market shopping and some of said tyrus is you see that commercial, he's
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not in the commercial. he's an extra. she came down, merry christmas, and then he smiled. the real, who the hell is she talking to behind his back? he's on the other side of the bed. who is she talking to it's five in the morning. i'm gonna go ride my bike. [laughter] five days in a row honey i'm writing my bike. [laughter] and then the poor husband is sitting there with a fake smile asking who's all these videos for? [laughter] he lives with her, why is she filming? >> it's not for him it's not her swedish boyfriend. >> is an internet dating cheating commercial. it's not a bike commercial. this is not real. it's not a real problem. >> you've got to be unemployed to be angry about this.
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you have the time to go on and scream about this. >> i don't think it was offensive enough. [laughter] by the way if you husbands can't afford to get a pellets on just get her snow shovel shall appreciate it. [laughter] you go out and skip the driveway i will say head out and with the car with a bow on it. >> that's a comment that's only from the east coast. there's a lot on that west coast when there's no snow in oakland. >> okay so let me say this it would've been a better commercial and more realistic if he said here's that stupid indoor bike you've been nagging me about. [laughter] and then she says i'm writing it five days a week just out of spite. [laughter] [applause] >> how soon before the jackets and underwear are draped all over that bike? [laughter] it's not real, but it could
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happen in an imaginary life. >> write the whole idea why some women were complaining about this ad was that the husband is giving the wife this pellets on is basically saying she's not perfect the way she is. >> write. >> but women don't do that, because every moment that you spend being upset about something like this, you're wasting time that you could be figuring out how to do that to him. right? say you live with the man who keeps the hypothetically thermostat a little too low, you're freezing all the time. here's what you're going to do. by venture space heaters. when he's asleep on christmas eve, plug them all in and turn them all full blast. when he inevitably wakes up in a horrible sweat and says what's going on, smile and say merry christmas babe. i hope you like your space heaters. [laughter] and it's accepted, it's expensive, and is passive-aggressive just like the pellets on. the only thing that bothered me about this was the woman acting
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nervous before she got on the bike. >> was she afraid of people? >> you are in your living room about ready to sit on something that cost more than $2,000. you are fine, you're not going on a mountain biking expedition going through uncharted territories. >> should look like a pows. >> exactly. >> she came downstairs with her child zero you got it ... they might've had a previous conversation that they've that's what she wanted. [laughter] [inaudible] it might be one of the greatest commercials of all time. [laughter] no one's ever talk this much about a commercial. >> i'm buying two. >> cell in my. >> i'm actually to get one now be right back.
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his being charitable ever regrettable? according to recent survey most americans average about five good deeds a month. but roughly the same number of times i wash my bed sheets and strum took office. [laughter] i'm being honest. now consider what a good deed is , anything done to help someone? holding a door open. that's misogynistic. giving directions, donating to charity, who she? and my personal favorite, telling the neighbors pool boy he's doing a great job. [laughter] keep it up brandon. [laughter] your amazing. [laughter] i bought them a pellets on for christmas. [laughter] i can't wait to see his face, or
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whatever. the survey also found that if someone did something nice for you you are then more likely to do something nice for someone else. i just wish someone would have given this gyan. [laughter] [laughter] i don't know tyrus, i don't know. >> do you believe anyone would give an honest answer to a survey like that? >> you know i hate these surveys so you mean to tell me that the average american only does five nice things a month. so the rest of the month were just [bleep]. like nobody -- three days ago he opens the door for somebody,
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it's not considered a nice thing it's common courtesy. do not gonna come home and say honey guess what, i open the door at the supermarket in an old lady walked in. zero my god honey that's amazing get naked. that's not, you know saving kittens from fire that's a good deed. it shouldn't happen every day. we will wait did you say kittens,. >> yes. >> joe he's going to do something creepy so i don't ask any questions. >> joe, i'll think people know what a good deed is anymore. like in new york wicked again this because in new york it just out of his aggressively against people. like i didn't aggressively close the elevator door button. like mother teresa. so a good deed is very relative.
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in the like the giving of direction because if you're visiting in new york and we tell you just to keep walking until he see gap in the race pizza, that means we want you to get lost. you just keep walking today at the water and then slink into new jersey. >> do not i noticed cac, its reach weeding about charities instead of actually giving to them. it says please blob loblaw and you are reed tweeted anything somebody else is going to give the money. and nobody does, they just keep reach weeding it and these charities say they don't see a dime from twitter. >> i think everyone in this survey who was surveyed is a creepy creepy strange weirdo. not just because of the number five, because they are counting. like is there a little calendar that they're putting little stars on? like okay jen you're 48 is not
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kindergarten and more. you don't get gold stars in our. you should just be doing good deeds to check them off the box. >> no one asked and they had to recall. >> i do my whole life is one good deed. >> you're the mother teresa. >> if i asked someone how their day instead of making them have to come up with an answer which probably stresses them because i just talk about myself because i am so nice. >> you're really that way emily. you do a lot of nice things don't you? >> will i will just say. [laughter] >> she can't even fake it. >> will half of those things are just having good manners. it's not a good deed, those should just be good manners so i felt like it was a little. >> the bar was a little low. >> i held the door and didn't slam it in their face. that's just having good manners. the true good deed ones were like saved someone.
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>> in new york it's when you mug a fellow and you take everything out but you throw the billfold back to them. >> at least give me my id back. >> you know that's true, not that i've ever mugged, but when i did see its you know, i assumed it's a tip when you knock the guy out in his wallet falls out. but i was always a stickler like leave his id. because the lines of the dmv are terrible. [laughter] i don't hate the guy. >> my favorite story of the week is up next, you don't want to miss it. the good news? our protection is guaranteed.
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go to to get started. so it's that time of the year when i hunt for drifters in the woods. i used to give them a head start, but it just prolongs the agony. it's over quickly. but it's also time for the giving of gifts. here are some tips, remember to
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say thank you even if it's a lousy box of fingers. [laughter] i guess i've overstepped at this. and don't go broke buying gifts, remembers the thought that counts a keep it under five grand. person. but, what about your boss? jeff to buy something for them or him? it's awkward you can't get them something personal that would be weird. if you spend too much money you suck up. luckily i have an awesome staff that knows just what i like, they got me what i ask for, check this thing out. this is the butt heads. [laughter] far launch or 3,000. [laughter] so what this does is it actually stores a far, pull that back, you smell it? [laughter]
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or is that just your normal smell. [laughter] >> i was trying to think what i had for lunch. >> it smells like peccary nose. [laughter] emily? are you going anywhere after the show? [laughter] anyway, with that gift they also got me some glade. [laughter] so isn't that nice. i thought that was a very nice gift. so joe do you stress out over gift giving? i don't, i don't, i used to have an office job in least try to get money for the bosses present. no way, the best president to give your bosses to not expose them to liability after the christmas party. in incentive nice card saying we didn't have on the photocopiers well. [laughter] >> i have a lot to say on that
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this is not the howard show. so the whole staff, the got failed to show staff but i write nice though personalized cards for everyone and several people on staff have said that they like that. and then there is greg. who ever year makes fun of whatever it is that i wrote to my face. at first i was like should i get them something else? but then i thought of how you look away yourself while you're making fun of me. you're like smiling and laughing, you're like the happiest little christmas elf. and i'm like you know what, by giving you something to make fun of me about i'm giving you the greatest gift of all. >> it's not what you write, it's your primitive handwriting. like 4-year-old boy handwriting. it's like written by some kid who was raised by wolves. and just learn to hold a crayon. >> mary early christmas for that one.
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it's. >> tyrus what are your thoughts on etiquette for giftgiving? >> will i don't give gifts or not to worry about it. i don't give gifts that work. why? were not there because we want to be together. we got hired together. and i think we live in a time, i think of surfer kids. so i tend to think like when people are buying stuff all the time and usually the gift is i give year-round of listening to your waxed stories about stuff you're doing for the weekend or how smart and clever your kid is. when definitely looking at the pictures he's not. [laughter] and it's always somebody who's always hurt. you always forget someone when you give gifts. so if no one gets a gift than everyone's cool. i'm like you we don't go to christmas parties you don't give gifts either. >> i hate this season. it should be like the olympics, emily, like every four years. like back in the 80s,
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christmas should be once every four year. you could actually save money, emily, you send 34 grand over the year. you don't bloat on your uncle who don't care about. >> no. >> are you sad now. >> yes, you guys christmas is so much more than giftgiving. and also, i agree with you it's about the card giving in writing it out. >> i'm in a pay a calligrapher this year. >> i think on the preparation for this if we hadn't had that list of gifts dues endowments out is said cash. >> no one reads the lists emily, i agree with katz calligraphy that was a good movie. that was a good movie. don't go anywhere, be r when we started our business
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we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. i remember setting up shipstation. one or two clicks and everything was up and running. i was printing out labels and saving money. shipstation saves us so much time. it makes it really easy and seamless. pick an order, print everything you need, slap the label onto the box, and it's ready to go. our costs for shipping were cut in half. just like that. shipstation. the #1 choice of online sellers. go to and get 2 months free.
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job * disturbing new details on a shooter at opinions coala. associated press report that he hosted a dinner party where he and others watched videos of mass shootings. reports emerging that the gunman wrote anti-american and anti-israeli tweets before the shootings. fox news has not independently confirmed that. it's prompting the defense department to review its policy for the screening


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