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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  July 9, 2021 8:00pm-9:00pm PDT

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to the horatio alger association. you love the gear, looks cool, awesome hat. awesome t-shirts, all different colors. remember, freedom matters. see you monday. greg gutfeld takes it all from here. have a good weekend. >> all of my fantasies -- fantasies involve handcuffs. >> are you the one putting on the handcuffs? >> to be clear, i'm always putting on the handcuffs. >> greg: not this time.
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it's time once again for... >> how irredeemably stupid is this stupid media. it's irredeemably stupid. why are you asking, greg? >> greg: lighten up, voice-over guy. how irredeemably stupid is the media? this theory d mobley stupid. >> you got lucky tonight. we are back with attorney michael avenatti. >> to me you are like the holy spirit. you are all places at all times. >> he is out there saving the country. >> i think you are doing a hell of a job. >> looking at 2020, one of the reasons i'm taking you seriously is because of your presence on cable news. >> a rock star. >> greg: the title of the next chapter is in "you are all stupid idiots." behold. speak with a lawyer who represented porn star stormy daniels and legal battles with former president trump
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sentence or two and a half yearn prison. a jury convicted avenatti of trying to extort $20 million from nike. he faces two more trials. >> greg: there goes the media's worst presidential hopeful since hillary. a federal judge sentenced to 30 months, a month for every selfie he took with a cnn anchor. not quite three years, roughly the amount of time left in kat's marriage. or kilmeade's hairline. and this bird trying to extort millions from nike, he it headed to a federal facility to oregon. between the options, i would still take oregon. like many creepy exhibitionists, kilmeade rose to fame on the back of stormy daniels. yes, but he really got a boost from the drilling media who saw
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them as the tinier hairless version of trump leica hopped up hamster. it went according to plan. for about 10 minutes. now he is done, ruined, first embraced and then spit out by the media who adored him but no longer want him around to remind everyone else of their own idiocy. now you won't see them on cable unless it's an episode of "lockup: extended stay." yes, he used the media. they used him too. you can bet that although cnn fan boys aren't answering his calls anymore except maybe brian stelter who is lonelier now that he was an launch in the high school cafeteria. is it wrong to take a victory lap? it's my favorite form of cardio. we are talking about the media who thinks you are stupid and that they are always right on everything. when they turn out to be wrong, they memory hole it faster than joe biden being asked what he
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had for breakfast. almost all the media's handiwork is a hate crime hoax against you. they spend their careers making you into the bad guy while elevating creeps like avenatti who buy their own narcissism they elevated him so they could look cool. avenatti had more problems than a "fox & friends" cooking segment. and he makes kat look more wholesome than a multigrain breakfast cereal. they took pictures with them, partied with him. now they look like tools because they are tools. his tools. i wonder if brian stelter will admit his humiliation on reliable sources because if he doesn't, how can he be considered reliable. just admit you screwed up and be done with it. you won't anymore than rachel, "the view" or cuomo. before the court, avenatti cried like a newborn baby citing twitter as evil that fueled his thirst for fame. he is right.
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he got to trend on twitter more than a kardashian butt pick. do you think any blue checks on twitter or executives in cnn boardrooms care about him? they are running from him like he's a cicada with corona. what about ana navarro who compared them to the holy spirit? now it is the father, the sun, and "please lose my number." will she visit his christlike figure in jail or go the judas route and pretend he no longer exists like she does with her principles. fox got his number straight away. remember this moment? >> you have profited from storming -- stormy daniels. she is working and strip clubs. you are exploiting her and you know it. why aren't you paying her some of what you're making? answer my question.
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why are you rich and your client is working in city strip clubs. you are on every cable show. you are running for president now. i know you haven't paid your taxes. like so many lawyers you are taking advantage of her. you pose as a feminist hero because you are shameless and the other channels let you get away with it but you are an exploiter of a woman and you should be ashamed of it. >> greg: wow. i think that was longer for avenatti in the prison term. "review" saw it differently. >> my take away was that avenatti came out on top because that was tucker carlson show. that chyron on the bottom is talking to him -- calling him a creepy point lawyer. the woman has a book out and she's making money. >> blaming him? >> what is the phrase, the pot calling the kettle black. >> my father used to say people who live in glass houses should
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dress in the cellar. >> greg: my father used to say that joy behar makes no [bleep] sense. meanwhile. meanwhile after embracing avenatti for so long, how is cnn covering avenatti now? >> look, i never liked the guy. total fraud. >> i never stood outside his window playing "sexual healing." >> i didn't ask him or. >> greg: avenatti shows us how the media works and how it doesn't. it was raving and hates threats to ratings, its influence or power. they thought avenatti was the perfect ally but it is like when kiss took off their makeup. it all backfired. what do they do now? we know the media, they will pretend like nothing happened. the story will vanish like joy reid's homophobic blog posts
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because in the end, they are all rats, just like avenatti just with more places to hide. welcome! tonight's guests. he did stand up for 10 years until someone realized you're perfect for a job without laughter. "fox and friends" co-host brian kilmeade. as a vegan, she won't hurt hurt animals, but people? that's another story. fox business network anchor dagen mcdowell. his audiences shout requests like "please stop talking." comedian joe machi. and she's a ten. but enough about her blood alcohol content. fox news contributor kat timpf. brian, you have been here 20 years. you made a lot of mistakes. a lot.
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we have seen. almost like every week. it is a parade of errors. but you at least admit your errors. should the media that fawned over the sky apologize? >> brian: can i look at the stat sheet? a lot of errors? i agree with you about the cooking segments. a couple things. by the way, this crowd of 4,000. they are fantastic. most important, they like you. that doesn't happen a lot. speak to every person that came and got free edible. >> brian: definitely not a "fox & friends" cooking segment hand out. enough nike. a company that prefers to be from china. extorted by a lawyer with no ethics, not a big story. what he did to his other clients, the paraplegic.
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he took money. they had no recourse to get the money back. didn't know how much they were awarded. stormy daniels. whether you think she's a victim or not, he took over $300,000 from this woman. tucker was right on the money. 74 appearances on cnn in ten weeks. ten weeks. that's unbelievable. there should be a huge apology from anderson cooper and company. do you think it will come? >> greg: it won't. that's why i asked you that question. >> brian: you didn't ask me that question. >> greg: i think i did. let's roll it back. >> brian: i think you just talked about my record. >> greg: dagen i think it was me who said it says something that stormy daniels, a porn star, or worst decision was hiring avenatti. i think you said that. >> kat: i may have said that.
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i can't remember everything i say. >> greg: either i said it or you set it but either way, i said it. dagen, you are from the south. fill in the insults and go to your answer. >> dagen: everyone i grew up with could have seen this guy from satellite imagery. we can spot a phony immediately. these kind of news hucksters on cnn, they need michael avenatti or a michael avenatti. they need someone more repugnant than they are, more odious than they are so they appear kind of, sort of normal. this is their version of balance. it's like if i'm sitting next to this flea stack, not you, joe. i kind of look like a human. cnn's new slogan. better get a bucket.
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>> greg: is interesting, their legal expertise goes from avenatti to jeffrey toobin. that's a great question. who would you rather be, jeffrey toobin or michael avenatti? i don't know. maybe that's not a good question. in 2024, he will be out so you could become -- he could join the cnn lineup. for the elections. what do you think, joe? >> joe: it is something that i learned early on. they say the enemy of your enemy is your friend by the enemy of your enemy can also be your enemy. i have a lot of enemies. but yeah, where he went wrong was trying to extort 19. that's like trying to extort joy behar for having a joke that doesn't work. they don't care about their reputation at all. >> kat: it's weird. you get a couple complement from brian stelter and you are like, you know what, i think i can
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extort nike. [laughter] i don't get how you get from a to b, some sort of nurses in. i've been on cable news a lot a lot of vinyl become that great. >> greg: and you haven't extorted anybody. except that old fellow downtown. the pictures. they do have legal libraries that are available to prisoners, so he could still become a lawyer. >> brian: he is looking at more charges. it's going to get worse for him, believe it or not. how unbelievable is it that we haven't pointed out the bigger picture. he was hired so to speak to take on trump. he was going to take down trump. it wasn't so much making them look bad or good. we can't touch trump. got a guy that can and what he got is michael cohen on house arrest. >> greg: right. another cnn contributor. we can let people forget about
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avenatti. the media wants us to forget about it because it's a reminder of their incompetence. >> joe: it didn't work for my mc hammer pants and junior high school and it won't for cnn. >> dagen: i understand low expectations, low self-esteem. you want to read down, not up to make yourself feel better. i've got to say i've never hooked up with somebody that disgusting. >> greg: there is still time. >> dagen: i have been there. >> kat: i don't know if i can say the same. >> greg: i was going to ask before i go, now that he's going to prison, is he more attractive to you. >> kat: before my husband, yes. convicts are hot. >> greg: has he done time? is he currently serving time? >> kat: you want to fix them. >> greg: they are sidestepping constraints to help sell when hunter paints.
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>> greg: he traded cocaine for paint. talented he ain't. white house officials have helped form an ethics agreement with the art gallery to sell hunter biden's paintings. they won't know who bought them or if they were sold by the ounce. the new york gallery is pricing the pieces between 75 grand and half a million. of course those hefty prices have nothing to do with him being the president's brat. i would say read between the lines but hunter snorted them.
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it's as much a coincidence that his art career began with his father's presidency. as the hacked laptop story was killed. keeping bidders and buyers confidential. if the paperwork is in chinese, no questions asked. the whole thing is the latest effort by the administration to address absurdly legitimate questions about hunter makes money. why his paintings have to be smuggled across the border. when you have a presidential family member slinging a product with a highly subjective value, that's a problem. the former head of the office of government ethics noted "because we don't know who's paying for the art and we don't know for sure hunter biden knows, we have no way of monitoring whether people are buying access to the white house." are they buying art that is crummy to launder hunter's money? did hunter draw the flower to exploit his dad's power?
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you've got to wonder what his dad thinks of all of it. >> look, look. i'm glad hunter has found a hobby that can make some money for a change. i mean, let's face it, his last few hobbies, fairly expensive. if the whole thing is on the up and up, it's beautiful, man. it is like "the price is right" only no one knows who's bidding and there's no way to overbid an incentive refrigerator you're betting on something looks like it belongs on refrigerator. don't tell me this isn't a great country, man. >> greg: thank you, joe. dagen. what sounds to me like the white house is now running the art gallery, right? the art gallery has to run all of their decisions to the white house so they just opened up kind of a satellite art gallery for hunter. >> greg: that's where i go to buy my panda bear paintings that adorn my bedroom walls.
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>> greg: big, giant eyes? i love paintings were animals have big, giant eyes. >> dagen: they have a textural quality. they are fuzzy. you can touch them. >> greg: it keeps my victims company. >> dagen: you can lay them on the ground and sleep on them. hunter biden can do whatever he wants at a reasonable wage but he's trying to make money. these paintings of someone who actually knows what the hell he is doing. he can sell paintings on etsy for $40. that's what they are worth. not $500,000. this is literally the equivalent of him coming out and saying i am going to be a 51-year-old white rap star and i am charging $200,000 to perform at this hedge fund managers arbor day party.
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>> greg: practicing a lot in the bathroom. joe, what do you think of the art in general? >> joe: i've seen wallpaper that i thought was better than that. hunter biden is the only person i don't blame. seems like whenever he gets a job, he starts at the top, which is pretty cool. spending half a million dollars on a hunter biden high school caliber flower painting is laughing ludicrous. no offense to people who had sex with my favorite rapper. >> greg: eighth grade school painting. this is what kids did. you have kids, brian? >> brian: as far as i know. >> greg: he blows the paint as opposed to snorting it. it's what kids did before laugh
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time. >> brian: finger painting or blowing. whatever makes you happier. it's amazing. hunter biden was in the news twice this week. first for his paintings. everyone agrees they should not tell anybody who it is that's buying it. number two, the other story was by the way, there's a picture of him with two of the richest people in the world and his father flew them down together to meet in mexico. they would set up an international deal involving burisma and ukraine. but let's focus on the paintings that go for $500,000. this is the craziest story. hunter is saying no matter what i do, nothing can ever happen to me and no one is going to ask joe a tough question so we have to sit here. as far as the hunter biden rumors go, your circle of trust. this is as far as it goes. it's crazy. >> greg: you should see the
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circle afterwards. ain't no trust in that one. don't know what i'm saying. kat. how much would someone need to pay you to put this in your tiny little apartment. >> kat: if i was getting paid for it, that would be one thing but i don't have those advantages. you play video games like "mario kart," you get power ups. star power, thunderbolt. if life were a video game the greatest power up would be power dad. it lasts forever. if you fall off, doesn't matter. you can fall into crack addiction and you fall into a lucrative art career. if you have the power dad, you can do anything you want but i don't have that. i don't have enough money to buy one of these pieces of crap. >> greg: you know who is really pissed? avenatti. hunter broke gun laws, drug laws. power dad. avenatti a great video game.
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you sleep with the hooker, you get 1,000 points. >> brian: how many points would you have? [laughter] [applause] >> greg: a jab from the "fox & friends" anchor. >> brian: i have a first name. >> dagen: you are living vicariously through joe. >> greg: hunter has been painting for over a year. >> brian: i kid. >> greg: correct that because it's embarrassing when people from the morning shows come on and drag us down to their level. >> brian: can i point out, you asked the morning show guy. you keep asking me. asking me why i'm here. it's the worst relationship ever. i keep on playing into it. >> kat: you keep coming back! "fox news @ night" and what's my problem? >> kat: at a certain point you've got to ask yourself. >> brian: i did. >> greg: i always hug him and cuddle him afterwards and he thinks it's okay until the next
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♪ ♪ >> it's the cuomos. starring andrew and chris. >> greg: let's check in with the two brothers who loved blaming others. what did chris cuomo say before november? he hopes you don't remember. looks like chris suffered some memory loss after his bravely televised battle with corona. on tuesday while talking about january 6th he claimed he never defended black lives matter rioters back in the day. and i am 6'4". i'm 5'10". anyway. fortunately for chris, cnn viewers, all six of them, have short memories because the tape
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tells a different story. >> around 140 officers assaulted, some very badly. this is the truth. period. it is no less the truth because black lives matter supporters committed acts of violence too. even if you want to believe that the media were as okay with what they did which is sure as hell isn't true on their show and please show me where it says a protester is supposed to be polite and peaceful. >> greg: are adorable. might want to double that dose of ginkgo biloba. we are not on with you yet, crisper last night he defended critical race theory, call calling out conservatives for blowing it out of proportion. >> the critical race theory, this bogeyman, just the new front on the culture war, that's all. the brown menace is gone. they are not coming over the wall to, take your women. now it's, they are coming to take your kids. but critical race theory is
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really about is choosing which stories matter in the teaching of the history of america. >> greg: yeah, that's what it is. you didn't even read about it. criticizing people who actually do their homework. you didn't even do the homework. crt is the bogeyman? dude, i could have sworn that was your brother. [applause] the elected butt grabber continues to laugh all the way to the bank and in the face of covid victims. this is him commiserating with his fellow governors yesterday. >> very few people were going through what we went through and we went through together. speaking for myself it was a tremendous personal benefit. >> greg: does this guy even realize what's coming out of his mouth? tremendous personal benefit? nursing home residents died under your watch but who's counting. he scored a $5.1 million book deal hiking up his heroic response to the pandemic.
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it sold fewer copies than michael moore's guide to tantric sex. you still have my coffee, brian. >> brian: you moved your office. >> greg: a foldout fold in polls. one of my doing? why do you make of the governor? are we taking the governor out of context? >> joe: no but he's got to keep his mouth shut pending the proceedings in the court of law. he might take the fifth amendment before he says anything. that is the smart play. they defended him so much in the mainstream media, they talked about how women were attracted to him when they should have been looking at nursing home numbers. once they say that he was good, they can tell us that he was bad. so they memory hole it. doing the best thing possible,
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keep quiet. >> greg: that's true. kat, governor cuomo approves of human industry on your side like the media, you outlast the scandals. >> kat: absolutely. he said the other day we are going to do with gun violence like we did with covid. you're going to put shooters in the nursing home? and then lie about it? write a book and make millions of dollars? what you mean by it? i can't imagine how he can still go out there. he really does see himself as a hero. he does think people think that about him. he doesn't realize how horrible he really is. >> greg: i'm going to pose a thoughtful question, not the usual kind. you are a veteran of fox. i always get when chris cuomo is doing his commentary, he's not actually speaking to the viewers. he is speaking to his peer group. no one really cares. doesn't care about his personal feelings about stuff.
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he is doing that to talk to the people in the media world where as when we are talking, we are talking to viewers because we appreciate our viewers and because we have them. >> brian: and he believes his viewers are new york, washington, los angeles. people have a inadequate, unmatched understanding. they think he is more popular than actually is because they don't travel. most people if you travel to places where we go like on our bookstores. they don't watch cnn for they don't know what cnn stands for. in the cuomo's situation, you mentioned that i'm a veteran. all the years covering the stories, small and big, have never seen someone so written in scandal get such a pass. this guy should be humiliated somewhere, living on a farm in schenectady. instead he continues. last time they had a meeting with governors, he was so written in scandal they had to have a republican fill in for him. this time he actually did it himself and made that statement.
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he killed 50,000 people -- 50,000 people died on his watch. ten separate women accused him of sexual harassment. used his power to get donors on family members tests when no one else had them. any one of those would've destroyed anyone forever. remember gary hart? met a woman on an island and he was destroyed. how this guy has a still has a job and is running for reelection, i've never seen anything like it. >> greg: he truly is the brian kilmeade of governors. >> brian: not true, not an apt analogy. how dare you. i helped your show. you hurt my career. what's wrong with you? >> greg: there is a lot wrong with me. >> brian: you could've said that to any of these three. i tried to give some substance. >> greg: i was listening to you. >> brian: you weren't even paying attention. >> greg: i always do. dagen, the media hates what we do because it's not for them. when you look at what they're
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doing, it's always for the media, that's my point i was trying to make to brian which he went on some weird tangent. avenatti members of the media who pay attention to these two are jealous simply because they want the path to be as easy as it was for these two. they would not be anywhere if not for daddy. andy cuomo will be selling catheters door-to-door. >> greg: don't knock it. >> dagen: chris cuomo couldn't get cast in the neighborhood playhouse. lo and behold they are doing this flex off with each other to figure out who is the biggest liar on the planet. >> greg: well, we are out of time.
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>> greg: they are locking lips after the apocalypse. it seems nyc is the place to be sucking face. they are reaching second base all over the place. a recent "new york times" story asserts that since the lockdown ended new yorkers are making out often and with anyone. they are applauding, you bunch of. what? >> brian: talk to your audience like that. >> greg: they love it. they are wasted. they are making out. that's not bad considering the other bodily behaviors.
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observers claim they are dropping their covid fears. i have seen dozens of couples swapping spit until they asked me to stop caulking. one bar manager said everyone has lowered their standards. their idea on what they find attractive. lowered standards. that is music to joe mackey's ears. that was mean. and accurate. this is one of those typical media stories where a guy goes outside, looks around, i've got a story. no science behind it. do you buy it? sounds plausible. >> kat: that more people are making out? i have been battling a sinus infection for a week and a half so i can't even think about that. post nasal drip is not as hot as it sounds. i see it but that's not new.
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since we didn't have police, i've seen five different homeless couples just banging on the street. >> greg: where? [laughter] >> kat: around the greyhound bus station. if you want to go. it's free to watch if you'd like to go. >> laura: what are they wearing. >> kat: i will let you walk the dog for us if you'd like to look a little less creepy. >> greg: i don't need a dog. i could. you never know. i don't even know what that means. joe, you must be getting mobbed everywhere. [cheers and applause] the laughter is too hard on that joke. don't take it the wrong way. >> joe: with your lower standards, i would like to say jealousies sticky cologne or in your case, body spray. the second of all, me with the
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ladies lose like fishing in a barrel with dynamite. i don't need to explain further. when you want a couple to stop making out in public, people say get a room. they are much more likely to stop when i say "keep going." [laughter] >> greg: brian, could it be that this has to do with the summer time and more people outside? it is like shark attacks. you see more sharks producing more people sucking face. >> brian: that's a very confusing toss. was i asking on the elevator? i read this story four times. what's the science? one guy watching certain people make out? would've been incidental, anecdotal. stuff that you did in magazines in your previous life. i am stunned by it because in the pandemic we are so afraid of getting too close.
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inside 6 feet. these are the same people who spaced me out of starbucks, they're trying to make out with me. how do you know who has lowered the standards? the guy or the girl? if they both dropped, aren't they the same standard? take that, science. >> kat: that is very humble of you. >> greg: dagen, these two strands on a desert island mentality. you've been gone. you haven't eaten in months. eating coconuts because that's what gilligan eight. marianne made these amazing coconut cream pies. they'll be tomorrow on a special episode. when you get home, you ate just about anything. they are talking about, lower standards? >> dagen: we were eating stuff off the floor and the department figuratively.
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i think people have cleaned up their act to go out in public. people are getting their freak on. when they couldn't go outside. right, kat? >> kat: yeah. >> dagen: i am fixated on the whole michael moore tantric sex book, the pop, inflatable figurines. delicious. >> greg: when i am -- where i am from, when someone says get your freak on, it is literal. don't go anywhere. steve phoenix jr. is back to tell us what we got wrong. you already pay for car insurance, why not take your home along for the ride?
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>> greg: welcome back. let's find out if we got anything wrong this week. we go to steve phoenix jr., this shows ombudsman. steve was younger, he studied in paris. >> actually it was paris, arkansas. i'm still banned from france for trying to french kiss the mona lisa. yesterday you and jesse watters had a discussion about the flight capabilities of peacocks.
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rule it. >> greg: can they fly? >> only when you punt it. i don't know. can they. >> greg: they are like colorful turkeys. >> time to ruffle some feathers. peacocks are able to fly short distances of speeds up to 10 miles per hour. most commonly when faced with danger like the threat of being punted by a television host. check this out. ♪ ♪ yeah. your final point they are indeed related to turkeys. perhaps you are also. you both have a foul mouth. >> greg: you know what the peak of his? it's a turkey after watching
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"rupaul's drag race." right? >> we will say that fact-check for next week. hey, kat. kat, let's hear your comments wednesday about why single men are troubling to have close friendships. hit it. >> kat: studies said it was harder for single guys. i think it's because single guys had sex with all of their friends. >> i didn't know where to start with this. it was about male friendship. i think the world desperately wants to know what you meant. he >> kat: there are men who have sex with other men. >> you made it sound like it was everybody having sex with everybody. i want to hang out with your friends. >> kat: come on over. >> may be later. we have to keep it going. maybe it's a detroit thing. greg, hello, greg.
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let's hear your comments from yesterday about the cholera women's shoes. director mike, take us home. >> greg: is not a color. that's what it says on the box. what will they think of next. >> nude is a legitimate color. according to color, the color known as nude is used in fashion and design. originally named after caucasian skin tones the term continues to broaden the definition kind of like the show with the word funny. i know, i know. i kid but i'm running out of time. got to go. see you next week. >> greg: all right. atbe right back.
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>> greg: we are out of time. thanks to brian kilmeade, dagen mcdowell, joe machi, kat timpf, our studio audience. "fox news @ night" with evil shannon bream is next. i'm greg gutfeld, and i love you, america. ♪ ♪ >> shannon: hello and welcome to "fox news @ night." i am shannon bream in washington. breaking tonight: what will schools look like in the fall? the cdc making new recommendations on who should be wearing masks in the classroom, who doesn't need to add more. the panelist danny by. a group of police officers in california. their own


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