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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  February 28, 2023 8:00pm-9:00pm PST

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guns off our streets, reduced homicides, and started making real progress on public safety. >> is she kidding me? her tenure includes chicago's deadliest year in over a quarter-century. nearly 700 homicides last year. so not quite a reduction. the highest since 1999. but be happy, chicago. have a chance to change. "gutfeld" next. [applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> greg: happy tuesday! yes! i love you. i love every single one of you. i love every single one of you, even the unattractive ones. i love you even more. you've been through a lot, being
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so ugly. it's time to get excited, because we are doing this. >> the audience decides the story! >> greg: typically i only give the audience two topics but tonight i'm feeling generous and i propose a three way. why waste the viagra, am i right? i will present each choice and you applied. the one that gets the most hootin' and hollerin' winds. it's like a wet t-shirt contest at your local cracker barrel. why did they stop that? could spiral into a recession because their gdp has shrunk in more than expected. as you know, sweden is famous for producing and margaret, and wood. who likes that when? all right, not into sweden. that's too bad. we had that abba mentally ready
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to go. topic two, a story we barely covered. the canadian trends teacher with the breasts so big, his cup size is himalayas. not bad, not bad. okay, that's good. on the topic three. elon musk will be here on the set to share the discovery of a substance that will cure aging, cancer, and virtually all other diseases. he could triple our life spans and it's free to everyone. [cheers and applause] oh, my god. holy crap. wow. all right. that's amazing. it looks like elon and the aging cure is the winner here. oh, sorry. my producer -- i'm being told in my ear that the bad weather has canceled elon slight.
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[audience grounds] he can't make it. well, son of a bitch, looks like captain [bleep] wins. [laughter] that was a close one! what is the latest on the high school woodshop teacher whose favorite project is always a giant rack? hit it. ♪ ♪ >> if it happens up there, we report down here. you are watching gazoombagate, canada 2023. week 24. >> ontario's district school board has finally adopted a new policy regarding kayla and her cartoonish knockers. for those of you just hearing about the story, i'm sorry for your loss. here is a recap. "she" began identifying as female last year and started wearing massive prosthetic breasts to class. the school board still stands behind the teacher. no other choice.
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[laughter] the post obtained photos of lemieux outside school without the breasts, dressed as a man. he tells the post he's not transgender at all, but was born intersex, and due to a condition called gigantomascia -- i had to google it and continued for several hours. after global attention and cravings for dairy, the school board has released a so-called professionalism policy for parent view. but it contains no details on dress for teachers. and he thought our school boards were filled with idiots? get a load of what these geniuses came up with. "the purpose of this policy is to consolidate and confirm existing expectations regarding staff professionalism, including dress and a core mat board and school settings and at school-based, focusing on the importance of demonstrating thrh
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personal presentation respect for public education and each student's right to learn in a safe, inclusive, and accepting environment." jesus, that's basically the only spot in the entire document that mentions dress, and i should know. i made a minimum wage intern read the policy several times while axing my back yet, nowhere in that mishmash of respect, inclusivity, safety, and more canadian-level politeness does it say "don't strap on a pair of knobs that could breastfeed king kong and godzilla." the policy is supposed to be presented to the board on wednesday, without a dress code for employees like kayla, what good can it do? other than provide this show in this audience with another years worth of great content. i'm starting to think these school administrators watch this show and love basking in the limelight. surely, the same school that has a dress code for halloween would have a dress code for every other damn day.
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but it all boils down to what he been saying for a while. kayla could be the greatest troll in the history of trolls. so as the teacher prove your point? or rather, points? kayla could be exposing, among other things, the lunacy of the woke agenda, a world where no one dared criticize or much less pass a dress code policy without fear of being labeled a trans-phobic. he's calling their bluff with breasts the size of boulders, and everybody pretends he's legit even when the proof is staring you in the face like a pair of plastic areolas. or, as i called them, scareolas. remember, we called it before. it's a cost of only one at certain times, it is fetishistic. i'm shocked there is no social media footprint of this teacher before his transition. what are the odds of that? a person at the center of a crazy stand, been on facebook, twitter, instagram, tiktok what about his family and friends? it is so quiet, you could hear a
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boob drop. of course kayla could be flat out bunkers, as she told "the new york post" reason she's not wearing fake breasts. they are real. although brian stelter told the post the same thing when they saw him at a holiday inn pool in yonkers. [laughter] wear a t-shirt. but they aren't real. have a bigger chance than a pair of chinese f spy balloons floatd off course and end her sweater. i made it go to my grave never knowing the real story behind those titanic [bleep]. but i'd rather die seeking the truth then live in the shadows of those giant, magnificent bazooms. [applause] let's look at tonight's guests! he doesn't wear l.l. bean, because he says it looks too urban. fox news contributor tom shillue! [applause] she puts her money where her mouth is, which is dangerous, because you could choke and die!
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fox business anchor lauren simonetti. [applause] he is to woke culture what the health department is to "the view's" bathroom. author of the book "the new puritans," andrew doyle. [applause] and she is wise beyond her ye years. that's something no one has ever said. fox news contributor, kat timpf! [applause] andrew, i have to go to you first, because you are a notorious prankster. you played the role of speefifteen. you brits always screw up words. we mess up your language. >> that's true, and you don't let us forget it. but he pretended to be somebody else, and to great effect. you have a theory here. what do you think is going on? >> i use to agree with you and think this was a troll, someone trying to expose the absurdity of gender identity ideology.
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i've come to the conclusion that it's real. there's too much commitment. and there was that interview mentioned, where this guy says they're not real, they're not prosthetic at all. and i did google that, and there is a condition that would explain that. what is it called? lying. [laughter] that's what it's known as. >> greg: yeah. >> andrew: what's been really interesting to me as a reaction from the school board, because they've been so determined to defend the teacher, saying this is a minority group, this is an oppressed minority, someone who is vulnerable, and that the media shouldn't be talking about it. we should leave them alone. look at this person. clearly there is a point because this is the sort of person that hates being the center of attention. >> greg: exactly. "leave me alone!" know what they are? they are the canadian version of meghan markle and prince harry. >> andrew: that's right. >> greg: who are also two [bleep]. at least one person applauded. i think in england that mean something different, right? now, that's twits. i don't know. tom? >> tom: i can't tell, i don't
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know. >> greg: do you have a theory? you are a deep thinker. >> tom: i don't know. you say, is it a troll or isn't it? but is a troll only when you are trying to lampoon the absurdity of it? or could he be trolling for another reason? i don't know what the definition of it is really. but they said they would revise the dress code. they were like, we're going to look at the dress code. but her dress code isn't offensive. she looks like a mormon p/e teacher, with the clothes. spew on the are fine. >> tom: the clothes are absolutely conservative. the guy thought of it before he did the whole thing. he's not wearing provocative clothing, so you can't call him on that. so i read this whole thing. did you see the document? it goes on page after page. but i don't know if it matters. i don't know if it matters if it's a troll or not, because you have guys like andrew -- i enjoy his character, when you see this lampooning character he does. but i also enjoy just as much
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the regular social justice warriors it's based on. and i left us as much is that. which is more entertaining to me? they are both equally entertaining and both equally constructive in their absurdities. whether it's a troll or it isn't, he is still annoying people. i mean, they should still remove him from the school. the fact that the school is paralyzed shows so much. >> greg: it's amazing. he's telling an amazing story. i know that was a "south park" pot years ago, i believe, but this is an incredible achievement. it is performance art. >> tom: whether he's doing it at performance art or doing it seriously, it's making the same point. >> andrew: it matters because there have been bomb threats to the school now, people are so upset about it. are they bomb threats or are they worried one of the breasts will pop connect i don't know. [laughter] with the school in its reports has said there's no urgency to resolve this matter. i think bomb threats were a school should be resolved sooner rather than later. >> greg: that's a great point. then you're venturing into
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something dangerous. lauren, i'm a little disappointed in fox business for not covering the story. >> lauren: and went down a deep, dark hole, just googling. and i wanted to hear her voice, i was trying to find videos. what is this teacher really l like? is bent way too much time. it's voyeuristic, is that i had to stop. but the parents of the school district have two go funny pages. they are legitimately trying to raise $10,000, $15,000, to sue this district, because this is so unfortunate for the kids. and it's a safety hazard. she can't stand like that in front of woodcutter's and saws! something needs to be done just for the safety of her, and the students. i always teach my kids, just for the job you want. [laughter] that's not how you are supposed address. >> greg: imagine the job he wants. i don't know... kat, you told me this morning that you are so happy we are covering the story and that there's been some progress made. you been doing some of your own
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dogged research and reporting. what can i share with us today? >> kat: lauren, you said you went down the rabbit hole? i've been forced down the rabbit hole! [laughs] i spent months now, probably. but i would also be remiss if i didn't bring up the fact that i'm also wearing a costume every single night on this show. some of the audience knows. i'll walk straight through the audience to come into the studio for hair and makeup, i never get "hi, kat." i'll get it, "is that kat?" because i don't look like that to make this. what is there to say? >> greg: there's always something to say. >> kat: the school is in a bind. they did that thing, if you ask your boss for a raise in the next day you get an email like, "great news, casual fridays are back!" they're trying to distract because they don't feel like they can do anything. i was on a plane when it first came out that the pictures from "the new york post"'s -- this doesn't mean it's over, because you can say nonbinary, or gender fluid, where you are more of a
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girl some days and more of a guy other days. and i am also just -- i haven't had any additional information, despite my desperate pleas to the entire country of canada. if i could give back all the money i spent buying jagerbombs there on my 19th birthday, where aid contributed to the economy of windsor, i would. [applause] >> greg: we will remain on top of this story. and the world's largest sports bras. up next, have you noticed how people are now wearing sports bras without anything else? >> lauren: like, no shirt? >> greg: is that -- >> kat: that the most booming thing you have ever said! >> greg: or is it just in my neighborhood? anyway, we'll get to the bottom of that, too, during the break. will biden get miffed when they ask his student loan grift?
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>> greg: welcome back. the show down set over student debt. but will the court acknowledge you can't make strangers pay for your college? protesters gathered outside the supreme court today as the justices heard arguments for and against joe biden's $400 billion student loan forgiveness plan. like kat's age, that's the low estimate. [laughter] joe didn't hear the arguments himself due to a dead battery in his miracle ear. [laughter] but six states are challenging the administration's cash for votes scan based on the executive actions constitutionality. they argued it's an overreach and biden does not have the power to erase the debt on its own. proponents call it debt cancellation, but it's really a debt penalty, since it's penalizing onto others. both the dems and media claimant benefits low and middle income
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americans, but it doesn't matter who it helps if it's hurting people in the same financial boat, or worse. it's merely stealing from peter to pay paul, except paul now idenidentifies as pauline. thankfully the bite administration could lose with a 6-3 conservative court. joe, what say you? >> i don't care what these guys say. i'm going to forgive these loans. i don't like these loans guys. johnny loans, he tried to give me money for a great knee-high, but he wanted his money back. you know what i did, i poured that down his throat, and then i stabbed him full of holes with a ballpoint pen, and all of it came out of him like a fountain, and me and all the little black children and white children got together and we danced in the johnny loans fountain. [applause] >> greg: that might have been
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the most beautiful story i've ever heard. turning a child into a fountain so all the little black and white children could drink from him. see? people to understand you, tom. they just don't understand you. see five isn't that joe biden >> greg: does it bother you that you will probably be paying for someone else's loan? >> tom: i stopped going to college, i dropped out because i was afraid of student debt. so i'm extra pissed off, and it's up to $250,000 for couples. can you imagine people who are freshly out of school, and they are making $250,000, and we are bailing them out? i'm sick of them saying its loan forgiveness, because they are not forgiving -- if you forgive the loans, the banks would have to eat it. the banks aren't eating it, we are giving them the money. so it is the average salary? i didn't even look it up before i was going to make this point. it's less than $250,000. so you are definitely taking
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money from poor people to give it to rich people, and then these idiots stand outside the supreme court and scream as if this is a thing for poor people. it's remarkable. >> greg: it's not for poor people. lauren, your business expert. is this what you would call a bribe? >> lauren: yeah, for their votes. honestly, the promise, or the prospect of it, helped in the midterms. it drove the younger voter. heck, if i had student loans and someone wanted to pay them off, or some of them off, why not? that's popular, it's free money. but we pay for it, that's the thing, and it's completely inflationary. the message it sends to colleges that there is more money out there, we can keep increasing tuition and fees. we can keep doing it, money to pay for it. one year cost to go to a private school is $46,000 on average, up 150% since 1995. i mean, when does this stop? look at the economy. there are what, 5 or 6 million
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people unemployed? he should be able to pay off your student debt, period. it's no one else's job to do that. [applause] >> greg: what lauren is talking about, the banks had these higher interest loans, and they were just giving these loans away, and you could just raise the tuition because you are getting these loans. so if there is a debt forgiveness or debt penalty, shouldn't it be the banks and the schools, or just the schools themselves? where the taxpayer is the bad guy? >> kat: it shouldn't be. i don't think this actually holds up, and the way i can tell is the biden administration even knows that it doesn't. because it kept changing little bits of it, justifications for it, because they didn't want to see it go to court. like you said, and like i've been saying for years, you don't need a court to say you can't cancel student debt. he does need a dictionary to tell you that. that is not canceling, it's passing it on to other people. i get that it's free money when you have loans, "these kids,
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they didn't know, blah, blah, blah." i don't know if i necessarily buy that, i had a chance to go to grad school and they didn't go because they couldn't pay off the loan. i had to live some very tough years because of that. but still, this isn't free, and everything is so expensive right now. at what point -- we are not making it. now it's happening, where we going to make it worse? >> greg: i didn't know anything about student loans and i went to apply for one and i didn't even need it. but i thought, i get money? then i could go on spring break with the student loan money. but i was so lazy, i didn't even do that. i was too lazy to get free money. andrew, in the u.k. you do have colleges? >> andrew: we do. they are very quaint. we write on slates. >> greg: you dress as wizards! >> andrew: we do. [laughter] >> greg: did you major in chimney sleeping? >> andrew: i did when i was very small, then i got slightly bigger and it was english
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literature. so that student debt. i know i'm not a u.s. citizen, but he's got to be inclusive. >> greg: that's true. >> andrew: to play devil's advocate a little bit, a lot of my american friends aren't so much debt because college fees here are so huge, and all my friends, they have to take out second jobs as hit men and set up an onlyfans account. we should maybe do something about that. >> greg: but the way to do it is not by canceling debt or shifting debt around, because you have to get the schools to dial back the spiral of tuition. the only way he can do this is by making the loans harder to get, and convincing people that maybe they don't have to go to college. maybe you can go to, i don't know, sac state. that's not a college. >> andrew: isn't $4 billion? >> greg: over 20 years. >> andrew: couldn't they repay the debt to people who did things like medicine and engineering, something helpful
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connect and the people who do intersectional pottery studies or whatever, because this people are so stupid, they should pay for the others, right? >> greg: that would be a great rule. if i were in congress or wherever our politicians are who do stuff -- i never really know. i've got ink all over me. but i would introduce that. i'm all for it. but if you are in medicine, you are an md or you're doing something important, i'll help you pay for it. or if you are good looking. to pay it off if they are cute. >> tom: that would work for me. >> greg: thanks, tom. [laughs] that was almost as creepy as you are joe biden. all right, up next, a covid clown doubles down. [applause]
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>> greg: maybe i will. all right! he'll need more than a mask to cover that ass. [laughter] it didn't rhyme, but it's good.
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and now he won't deny the leak, now that his celebrities peaked. anthony fauci publicly objected to the u.s. energy department conclusion that covid most likely came from a wuhan lab. he also objectives the cameras not being trained on him the whole time. the king clown of lockdown asked if we could ever know the pandemic's origins. >> do you think we will ever know how the pandemic originated? >> we might not. we very well might not ever know. that's unfortunate, but that's a possibility we might not ever now. >> greg: the sexual chemistry between the two. look at this. it's burning up the screen. [laughter] so "we may never know the origins of covid." that's like saying we may never know who killed nicole brown simpson. believe got a pretty good damn idea, tom. as does the fbi, who also
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determined covid's likely lab origins back in 2021. but i get the gray haired gremlin's evasiveness over origins. he could get implicated in the deaths of 7 million people. that makes genghis khan look like madeline kahn. for now, the best fauci could come up with was a weaselly "we may never know." let me guess, you have to look at the data? >> you have to look at the data. i don't see any data for a lab leak. that doesn't mean it could not have happened." >> greg: i get it, it's hard to find anything when you're not looking. hell, that's how i avoid seeing jesse in the hallways. [laughter] but what data does he need to see exactly? it's just a coincidence that a novel virus originated in the town with a lab that makes novel viruses? that's like visiting pepperidge farm and wondering how you ended up with cookies. [laughter] lauren, what's going on here?
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is he scared? >> yes, you could use the word "lying, compromise." you could extend that to joe biden, as well. we have this policy of appeasing china. and maybe that's for good reason. look at the war in ukraine. you don't want to ruffle feathers, you don't want anything dramatic to happen. but we have come to this point where the american people agree that china is an enemy. i mean, pick your poison, right? >> greg: literally. >> lauren: there's different rules for them. fentanyl, now you have the house select committee on china really pushing hard to make sure the american people know that we've got to either decouple or have ramifications, and whether it came from a lab leak or from an animal, it came from china. it came from china. >> greg: but if we find the origins, we are going to find out we are part of it, because we fund this lab. and he defended the gain of function for so long, they are
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implicated in this, kat. what do you make of the "we may never know" excuse command have you heard that one before? "we may never know." kat, why didn't you get a raise? we may never know. >> kat: i don't think that really works there. [laughs] to be clear, i don't think that covid came from the lab because the fbi says it did. i think it came from the lab because the lab is there. [laughs] using my mind. for him to be like, "oh, yeah, we have to be open to all possibilities," when three years the only thing that was open was his mouth. >> greg: yes. >> kat: nonstop, and anyone who dared to disagree with him wasn't just wrong, but irredeemable as a human being. you can't be like, "we don't know." i thought you said, "i am science." that's a real thing he said. if you are science, you should know. it is so infuriating. you can't go from one to the other.
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he could, if he acknowledged, i should have been more careful and not been such a jerk to people. >> greg: i don't like mind reading, but what the hell, it's late. there has to be a thought in his head -- i mean, if its gain of function that caused this -- >> andrew: that video is incredible of him saying we may never know. well, it's from the lab you funded, right? i reckon he knows more than he's letting on. i reckon he had sex with a pan or something. >> greg: don't knock it! >> andrew: they are very versatile. they can't escape the science forever. apparently if you are now looking at the current environment under a microscope you can see "made in china" stamped on it. so we know that's where it came from. [applause] better own up! >> greg: they have such beautiful scales. they are beautiful creatures, and they have been unfairly smeared. >> andrew: they have been maligned.
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they hang around in wet markets. >> greg: are you saying they asked for it? [laughs] to hang out in a wet market with those jewels, pretty soon some guy is going to bang ya! and then you going to get this disease, tom. tom, what do you see going on here? tom, by the way, i always have to say this when we do this topic, was right all along on almost everything. >> tom: you heard me, greg. basically up and scream about it. >> greg: remember, we got into big fight on the bus once per that's how long ago it was. we were both on a bus, weren't we? wait, that wasn't you. >> tom: look, greg, you made a point, though. when you said it came from china, it came from us. this is the problem of come if you want to call the medical industrial complex. i never liked them, and never believe in science. i do not like -- >> greg: are you a shaman? you're a witch, aren't you? >> tom: i should be, greg.
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it's always a virus, greg. i'm one of these people who think lyme disease was created off the coast of lyme, connecticut, by a bunch of sciences. it was obviously from that lab and they talked about it. after it came out they said it looks like he came out of our lab, and you can see the emails. he is such a pathological liar, we should stop worrying about fauci and china, because china behaved like china during the coronavirus, and we don't care because they're a bunch of commies. but you know what america behaved as? china. >> greg: good point. >> tom: so it was our problem. we should look to ourselves. what we did during covid was the worst thing we ever did in the united states. the worst thing. [applause] >> greg: you know it? i think i will subs subscribe tr newsletter, young man. now will you please leave my porch? doesn't he seem like someone who would knock on your door and say all that stuff at 4:00 in the
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morning? holding a bloodied hatchet? coming up, the budgets explode for new commodes. after advil. let's dive in. but, what about your back? it's fine. before advil. advil, dual action bites, pain, two ways. advil targets pain at the source. acetaminophen blocks, pain signals, advil, dual action.
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>> greg: welcome back. is it a million dollar john, or another government con? new york city is spending $5.3 million to install five toilets. yes, five, throughout the city. despite the fact that the toilets themselves cost less than $1 million in total. $5.3 million, causing many in the city to say, wow, that some expensive [bleep]. [laughter] can't bleep that, because it is fact. they will put the toilets in each of the five boroughs, one per borough. and i don't mean burro like a donkey. although as a taxpayer i feel
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like a ass for still living here. that's fun with language, children. but hey, if there's one way to make a major difference to new york, it's adding a whopping five places to take a dump. get ready for the next big project, adding five benches. i guarantee those will have more poop on them than the new toilets. meanwhile, the city blames the high price on infrastructure, cost of stuff like water and electricity lines. there are two problems here. actually, three. one, it costs 5 million bucks or five toilets. two, it's five toilets rates .5 million people, which means, three, it doesn't address whatever problem they were trying to solve. it's not just wildly cost prohibitive, its effects are drop in the bucket, which is what the rest of us will be using when these toilets are full. i'm glad you were humored by that. >> tom: whenever your jokes bomb is my favorite thing. >> greg: that joke bombed?
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for me that was great? kat, do you think there's any kind of explanation for it being this expensive? >> kat: i don't know i live here anymore. >> greg: are you depressed? >> kat: i kind of am, actually. i'm not even shocked by this, because the toilet company, the lito they've never had a hard te getting a permit. if the government is paying to make sure the toilets, that there's all this toilet red tape. it's not that no one is going to use them, it's that one person is going to go in there and use it, and the kind of person that's going to want to use that is going to make sure no one ever wants to go in there again. >> greg: exactly! [applause] >> kat: then there's the cost associated with cleaning up after that one person. >> greg: there's no way you can clean that up! >> kat: who! >> kat: who have or has to, please reach out to me. i want to know if you're okay, and if so, how. i might be able to implement some of those strategies into my own life when i get sad.
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>> greg: every toilet is going be like the one in "trainspotting," where it's disgusting. andrew, you lived in london. do you remember the open air urinals they tried to make it was in 2004-2005. it would be amazing, you watch on the street and there is a guys head above what seems to be a fence. >> andrew: they just momentarily forgot we have dignity. why don't we urinate a public? it was so weird. >> greg: it went away. because it was used for nefarious activity. not for urinating, but other things. see seven you think that's what's going happen with these toilets? >> greg: hell the ad. we should get into the toilet business. i didn't know there was so much money to be made. >> andrew: it's five times the normal cost of the regular toilet, because these are democrat toilets. and democrats are mostly vegan. the more fiber so you need more robust plumbing for [laughter]
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they are literally flushing money away. it's ridiculous. >> greg: and we are not slash. /flush. there are three uses. flushing a toilet, being flushed with money. where am i? >> tom: the queen's toilet, it's in flushing. >> greg: [laughs] tom, is there a better way? i know that you just poop outside in the bushes. [laughter] >> tom: i think these things look great. has a great look to it, and i wanted to keep looking good and you like that. we should serve coffee out of those and let everyone pee in starbucks. [applause] >> greg: you are right. what if this toilet is worth it, lori and? what if it's worth it and what if we are wrong? >> lauren: it would take forever to actually see it! do you know how long this is planned? forget the cost, which is outrageous. they started this idea four years ago, and these five
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toilets aren't going to be ready until next summer. summer 2024. and the name of the company? portland loo. portland is bad. they do business there and in seattle, all the places that we love. we love those places. and they said new york city was the worst, worse than all of them to do business with. >> tom: it's not just three or four years, though. it's like 40 years. they keep coming up with things and advocates for the disabled or whatever, they always sue the city, and then the plans fall through. there was a toilet in the '90s they were going to create that was all stainless steel. you go in and it would close automatically in the door would automatically open, so people couldn't stay in there after 2 minutes. an alarm would go off. 30 seconds to leave. i swear, this is what they did in new york. he would leave but then the door would close again and the entire thing would be hosed down, and then a dryer would go on and dry it off, so the whole thing was
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cleaned between each person. >> greg: i need a guy like that to design my bed. >> tom: but they never get it done, and it's always paid for with taxpayer money. >> greg: i love this topic. why hasn't someone invented a disposable toilet? something you carry around in your pocket. "i've got diarrhea!" and it inflates, and you use it and throw it away. >> kat: you mean like a bag? [laughter] >> greg: a bag! [applause] >> lauren: or like a kids potty. >> greg: that's actually an adult one for me. that will be weird carrying that around in my bag. i bet if you're in a foreign country you wish you had that. who's laughing now, huh? >> tom:! this is the best toilet ever come it's the most incredible toilet you will ever have! the best toilet!
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weigh your slippers! [imitating mike lindell] >> greg: pays the bills. love that guy. does kissing feel nice with a remote control device? wondering what actually goes into your multivitamin? at new chapter, its' innovation, organic ingredients, and fermentation. fermentation? yes. formulated to help you body really truly absorb the natural goodness. new chapter. wellness, well done.
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>> a story in five words. ♪ ♪ >> greg: five words. silicon lips help distanced
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lovers. andrew, a chinese company -- aren't they all? is selling a silicon remote kissing device designed to allow long-distance couples to share virtual kissing sessions on app. >> andrew: yeah, to replicate what your partner's lips are doing in another country. my question is, how wide does this mouth go? [laughter] i don't want to get sorted, but kissing isn't sufficient to keep a relationship going. >> greg: it is true! >> andrew: the original version of this app was called cheating. [laughter] you don't just get the lips, you get the other bits, as well. it's a much more satisfying way to be. >> greg: you know, tom, when we were young, we would just put some eyeballs on her hand. put some lipstick there. that's how i learned to kiss. that's how i learned to do a lot of things. >> tom: absolutely. remember when he would lay upside down and draw the lips on your forehead?
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that's. >> lauren: what? >> greg: what the hell are you talking about? >> andrew: sounds like a dodgy fetish to me. >> tom: upside down face? you didn't do upside down face? >> greg: what does that have to do with sex, you pervert? >> lauren: we are talking about kissing. >> tom: this thing takes a certain amount of money to make and market and it gets a lot of attention because people love to cover these silly stories. but no one is going use this and there is no possible way this product can make any money. so i think there's another motive here. they're using it to get attention for something else. could that be what it is? view and you are a conspiracy freak. lori and, what if you use your device, or you loan it to somebody, and they use it and you don't tell your partner? could that be against the law because they are kissing virtually the wrong person? >> lauren: yeah! >> greg: see? she's a lawyer.
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[laughs] >> lauren: china invented this. this is what happened during covid, when they were all locked down and they couldn't see each other. they couldn't be with each other. so in the china covid lockdown sense, the lips got warm and they made sounds. i get it, i do. i get it. this is technology that should never be exported, and i am so glad they didn't steal our technology on this. >> greg: this is almost as bad as tiktok, kat. >> kat: it's weird. >> greg: it is, isn't it? >> kat: i just don't get he would be into it. >> greg: it's no bag. >> kat: you're just -- there is no risk of germs. that's not hot. >> greg: yeah, you've got to gamble with the possibility might have to go to a doctor. >> kat: not these people. you clap for cheating, "we always use condoms when we cheat!" if this is for you, there's something wrong with you that needs to be addressed that is far more important then whenever you're doing with this.ay f>> tom: the solution is a bag.
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f>> tom: the solution is a bag. be right back. i think i've got it! doggy-paddle! only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ nexium 24hr prevents heartburn acid before it begins. get all-day and all-night heartburn acid prevention with just one pill a day. choose acid prevention. choose nexium. (jennifer) the reason why golo customers have such long term success is because the golo plan takes a holistic approach to weight loss. we focus on real foods in the right balance so you get the results you want. the release supplement makes losing weight easy. release sets you up for successful weight loss because it supports your blood sugar levels between meals so you aren't hungry or fatigued. golo is real, our customers are real, and our success stories are real. we have a 98% satisfaction rating. why not give it a try?
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>> greg: time for one thought. tom, where are you performing? >> tom: my new solo show premieres at the united solo festival on 42nd street, march 11th, 8:30. go to speefifteen for details. >> greg: thank you. "fox news @ night" is next. i'm greg gutfeld i love you, america. >> trace: thank you, greg perry good evening, everyone, and welcome to america's late news, fox news at night. i'm trace gallagher in los angeles. chicago mayor lori lightfoot is out after four tumultuous years of extreme crime and a series of controversies. chicago voters have decided it is time for her to move on. now the runoff contest comes down to a candidate failing to fight crime versus a candidate who wanted to defund police. for more on the fallout of this political earthquake, kevin corke is live for us at the nation's capital. good


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