tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC January 27, 2011 12:05am-1:05am PST
residency records in order to get her two daughters into a better school district. she said she did it to keep her kids safe, but that didn't cut it with the judge, who also slapped her with two years probation. so, tonight, we ask you, do you understand why she did it? would you do it? we've already heard from many of you on facebook and twitter tonight, but please join the conversation at the "nightline" fa facebook page or the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about red box, america's destination for movie rentals. with about 25,000 locations around the country, red box is the fast and easy way to rent movies for just $1 a night. i would like to show you how easy it is with the help of my lovely assistant, guillermo.
um, hey, all you have to do is take your movie -- guillermo, please select the oscar nominated "toy story three" and then swipe your credit card. it's that simple. >> jimmy, it different have a place to swipe -- >> jimmy: that's because that's the mailbox and this is the red box. >> mailbox and red box. >> reporter: the . >> jimmy: there you go. try it again. >> espanol, too, look. >> jimmy: okay. just go ahead. pick that. >> okay, rent a movie. >> jimmy: press rent. >> okay. >> jimmy: and yeah. >> check out. and then i just wait for the movie? >> jimmy: and then the movie comes out. >> wow. that's great. you stinky blue thing. >> dicky: tomorrow only, get a free one-night movie rental at red box using the code movie night at checkout. you can find red box at redbox.com or facebo
so whose antiperspirant will make them the last man standing? put on the meat ponchos. [ whistles ] [ bear ] the degree adrenaline series responds to spikes in adrenaline with twice the sweat-blocking power, which is good because sweat is like tasty gravy to a hungry wolf. [ wolves snarling ] aah! looks dry to me! looks dry to me too, bear. [ bear ] try the long lasting degree adrenaline series. [ carl ] honey, where's the -- top shelf! life can get a bit... routine. that's why i decided to switch things up with cottonelle ultra toilet paper. [ carl ] oh yeeaaah! you see? it's 35% thicker than the northern brand. [ carl ] love it! you might say this one little switch has made all the difference. peanut, get dressed... we're goin' dancing. [ laughs ] [ female announcer ] little switches can make all the difference. with a 35% thicker sheet than the northern brand,
cottonelle ultra is one little switch that'll change how you feel. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- amy poehler. from "raising hope," martha plimpton. and music from cold war kids. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, one last thing -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: thank you, cleto. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. it's -- it's a special night for us here tonight. it's our anniversary. we started on the air january 26th, 2003. eight years ago, on super bowl sunday. i was totally overwhelmed. i had no idea what was happening. and i certainly didn't think i'd still be here today. i shouldn't say that. i thought it would be here but i assumed i'd be out front of the theater dressed as spider-man taking pictures with you for a dollar. i tell you, it's weird to see yourself age on television. i don't feel like i'm older or any different but we found this picture. this is from our first night on the air. and -- [ laughter ] my hair was longer. and that was before i wore a tie.
a lot has changed since we started. and not just that. i was thinking about it today. in 2003, there was no facebook. there was no iphone. a text was a book you had to read for school. a tweet was something barbara walters gave her dog. it was different. [ laughter ] you know, every anniversary has a traditional gift. for the eighth year, you give bronze, i guess. so, this was nice. this morning, my staff pitched in and gave me a snooki. [ cheers and applause ] eight years ago, in 2003, there was no snooki. can you imagine? how did they even do things? so, anyway, happy anniversary to us, and, yes, we are expecting later. president obama gave the annual state of the union address last night and it ended with the most shocking rose ceremony yet. the president did a very good
job of capturing the mootd of the american public. he says he understands people are angry. not just people, but birds. we have angry birds in this country. and he feels their pain. i learned something new at the state of the union addresses every year. did you know east virginia isn't a state? obama promised to veto any bill sent to his desk with earmarks, which you think he's just being overly sensitive about his ears, but he also said we have to win the future. he said that seven different times. i'd settle on tying the future, personally. i don't like to get greedy. i'm not even sure what that means. i think it means that medical marijuana is now legal in washington, d.c., and -- because it sounds like something he came up with while he was stoned watching "tron." you know, before the president gives the state of the union address, they have him make an entrance like a boxer. he walks through the audience and makes nice. people try to talk to him while he's talking and i always wonder
what they're saying. you can't hear them. but we were able to boost the audio. listen to that. you can make out some of what is being said. >> mr. speaker, the president of the united states! >> how are you? >> have a good speech, mr. president, okay? try not to [ bleep ] this one up. >> how are you, i'm bald? >> i have to let new on a little secret. i'm wearing a diaper. >> hey, i want to ask you, how do you like my new combover? it looks natural, right? >> i had to, my wife was getting a rash. >> jimmy: well, you know, some wounds never heal. [ cheers and applause ] there's a lot of talk, a lot was made of the fact that instead of sitting on opposite sides of the
room last night, some lawmakers decided to sit with members of the opposing party to give us the illusion that they care about us, not them. usually every 20 seconds or so, one whole side of the room stands up. the democrats will clap and the other half crosses their arms and frowns. there were still differences in opinion, of course, but this time around, it was more spread out. >> our troops come from every corner of this country. they're black, white, latino, asian, native american. they are christian and hindu, jewish and muslim. and yes, we know that some of them are gay. starting this year, no american will be forbidden from serving the country they love because of who they love. >> jimmy: you know -- sometims s
you can just tell. now after the state of the union, a member of the opposing political party gives a rebuttal. last night was paul ryan, giving the official republican reb rebuttal. why he was doing that, michele bachmann delivered her own rebuttal on behalf of the tea party. and say what you want about michele bachmann, she is a natural on camera. >> i want to thank the tea party express and tea party hp for inviting me to speak this evening. i'm here not to compete with the republican remarks. the tea party is a dynamic force for good in our national conversation. >> jimmy: oh, really? then why won't you look directly at us? either her cue cards are in the wrong place or she's keeping an eye out for immigrants, i'm not sure. why does everyone in the tea party talk like a kindergarten teacher? it's crazy, right. whoever does her eyebrows, by the way, give me a call. the president is an excellent
speaker but it's a tough crowd to impress. they're on camera, but every news channel in the world is covering this, many people in the audience had trouble staying awake. it's like we tuned in for the state of the union and "inception" broke out. many people sleeping in the crowd. some were sleepier than others. tonight, it's time to hand out the award for outstanding achievement by a government official up past their bedtime, the snoozies. and the nominees are? energy secoretary steven chu. you would think the energy secretary would have energy. ohio representative stephen latourette. kansas senator pat roberts.
next up, someone who we can't identify because we are unable to see her face. and finally, supreme court justice ruth bader ginsburg. there's ruth right there. and the winner is? the winner is supreme court justice ruth bader ginsburg! here tonight to accept her award in personal, justice ruth bader since be ginsbu ginsburg, everybody. you know, next year, obama
should tiptoe up behind them and yell "boo." don't worry, cold war kids will wake her up later. why am i holding this? here. tonight, "american idol," the two-hour episode in milwaukee. no offense, but you should be able to do the whole state of wisconsin in 45 minutes, tops. it took the president an hour to sum up the state of the whole union. "american idol" needs two hours to find the next danny gokey? i don't think so. for milwaukee, this was the most exciting thing to happen since jeffrey dahmer. and the best moment, i think, was when a contestant came in wearing one of these cheese heads, big wisconsin, green bay packers fan. randy tried to eat it. steven tyler tried to have sex with it and it was -- steven tyler -- i'm not sure he's looking for an idol so much as he's looking for a concubine. he definitely prefers the female contestants and with that said, it's time now for steven tyler's creepy leer of the night.
>> how hold are you? >> 15. >> nice. >> jimmy: do not get in the elevator with that man. by the way, i want to say, eight is a special number tonight. it is the birthday of the famous suleman octuplets. they turned 2 today. for their birthday, each kid -- this was nice. each kid got three minutes of their mother's undivided attention. i can't believe it's been two years. time to get them some little brothers and sisters, don't you think? [ applause ] we -- we found this on the internet. i found it to be delightful. it's a person named lonnie and a dog named jobie. this is a clip, it's tithed on youtube, bad disobedient dog at beach. >> show you how this dog mines
so good. get that ball over here dog, come on. come on, bring the ball back, boy. come on. bring it on. you see, he working his way over this way. bring the ball back, boy. bring it on back, son. back -- jobie, i'm over here, boy! hey, boy! don't go in that water, i'm over here. you're going to get wet. you're going to get wet. i ain't going to -- oh, come on. he's got his feet wet now. come on, come on, let's show them how good you do now. oh, jobie, what you doing, dog? that's the nastiest thing i ever seen you do. bring that ball -- oh, boy. you're making a -- oh, get it out of here. i ain't taking that -- >> jimmy: i said sit! i still have no idea if the owner of that dog is a man or a
woman. the voice is crazy. and the name lonnie could go either way. today, the plot has thickened. we found a new video. this one is called "welcome to da dog house." and who says old dogs can't learn new tricks? hey, y'all, this is lonnie and we come to show you the dog house. hold on, just a minute. come on, jobie. where is you boy? let's show them the dog house. i want them to see where you live. come on, where you going? >> jimmy: jobie lives in a mansion. >> dog, you crazy. get out of my face. you going to kill me now. hey, hey, hey dog. sit down. sit your ass down, boy. you crazy. this is where jobie lives, y'all. he a good dog and he sure do love living here because he's got a pretty marble floors. got the big old ceiling and all. it's a fine looking home. wouldn't nobody know this is a dog house, but it is.
this is where jobie lives and jobie -- >> jimmy: no, jobie. not only the marble! oh, jobie! >> jobie, what you doing, dog? you a fool, dog. >> jimmy: that's from the "marley and me" outtakes cd. by the way, if you have to pick a place for your dog to crap in the house, you can do a lot worse than marble. we've really come a long way, maturity wise, in the last eight years. we have a good show tonight. from "raising hope," martha plimpton is here. we'll have music from cold war kids. and we'll be right back with amy is poehler, so stick around.
>> going to a job interview, i make sure i've got the right guidance. it's the same with my taxes. turbotax has a unique gps feature that guides me step-by-step. and calculations are guaranteed 100% accurate. they even offer audit support. and help me reach my maximum refund, guaranteed. >> man: try turbotax now. [ male announcer ] the average person has 28 first kisses. here's the gum for the rest of the time. dentyne pure. it purifies your breath deliciously instead of just covering it up. dentyne pure. practice safe breath. casual breath, hot breath, nasty breath.
but are they having safe breath? probably not. join me and the safe breath alliance as we put an end to unsafe breath. [ male announcer ] the safe breath alliance endorses dentyne. get involved at facebook.com/dentyne. [ male announcer ] it's all the taste and none of the tradeoffs. it's applebee's unbelievably great tasting and under 550 calories menu. great tasting generous new dishes starting at $8.99. only at applebee's. open until midnight or later. i am a banker with quicken loans. this is kathy, who i helped do her first home loan, and this is her sister tina, who i also helped do her first home loan. it was unbelievable how well it all fell together. kathy said, "well, let me give you rachel's number." easy. easy. easy. the whole loan process was simple and convenient! that's why i love quicken loans!
on our show tonight, two very funny women from the show "raising hope," martha plimpton is the is here. then with music you will find on this their new album, it came out yesterday. it's called "mine is yours," cold war kids from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night, we will begin our ninth year of broadcasting with ryan seacrest, from "the fighter, melissa leo and music from cage the elephant, so, set your vcrs, if you have one of those. during her seven seasons on "saturday night live" our first guest impersonated a wide range of powerful women from hillary clinton to kim jong-il. you can see her now on the very funny show "parks & recreation" thursday nights at 9:30 on nbc. please say hello to amy poehler. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, i can think of
no more delightful guest to have here on our anniversary. >> happy anniversary, by the way. congratulations. it's amazing. >> jimmy: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know if that's true, but thank you. >> i'm really surprised. >> jimmy: really, this is shocking. >> i did some research. you were talking about bronze, is the traditional gift and then the modern anniversary, eighth anniversary gift is an appliance. and then the place you're supposed to travel to on your eighth anniversary is a casino. >> jimmy: really? >> so i got you a ticket to reno -- >> jimmy: wow. >> and when you arrive in your hotel room, there been a bronze montel williams juicer -- >> jimmy: are you kidding me? wow. that is -- that's too generous. reno, you say? cheaper than vegas, right? well, great to you have here. how are you? how is everything going? >> good. busy. kids, you know. >> jimmy: you have two kids now.
>> yeah, two boys. has it been that -- did i have any kids when i -- i've seen you personally -- >> jimmy: saw you between the two and i've seen your husband will a number of times because he apparently doesn't have to stay home and watch them because you're there. >> yeah, no, he just checks in once in awhile. archie is my 2-year-old and able is my 5 month old. and archie is just starting to be funny which is really cute. his comedy is really physical. like, he really likes big things and small things. like, he likes to pretend to put a big, like, big beach ball into a dixie cup. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> funny. >> jimmy: like clown humor. >> yeah. not my cup of tea. >> jimmy: he'll get funnier, though, probably, hopefully. >> we're going to send him out to the baby club. >> jimmy: baby come by club? you might as well get something
out of him. you sound a little bit con guested. >> i have really bad allegies. >> jimmy: i've been thinking that i have a cold this week, but now i realize -- >> the santa ana winds. i think god's punishing me. it's weird that it's so warm here and freezing everywhere else. >> jimmy: it's like 80 here. >> it's so nice. >> jimmy: i try not to tell people. >> and so, i have super bad allergies. i can't take anything for it because it trips me out too much. >> jimmy: i have that, also, but i have -- hold on a second, because i have -- all right. um -- what day is today? i've already eaten all of wednesday's pills. i hope you donald mind me touching it. this one should be fine. i don't have any trouble with that. do you mind taking drugs from the host of a show? >> i don't give a [ bleep ].
>> jimmy: well, there you go. i don't think you'll have any weirdness from that, because -- >> see you on the other side. it's really weird to take a pill just not knowing what it in it. reminds me of my 20s. >> jimmy: i like your pill taking technique. >> i know, it's weird, but -- >> jimmy: you lubricate first then toss it down the hatch. >> i have to drink water first and i hold it in my mouth. it's so lame, but -- >> jimmy: it's like going down a water slide. you get burned if you go down when it's dry but you want to wet it first. >> i have to pretend like the pill just gets in there and then i have to swallow and then i have to make a face. >> jimmy: when you brush your teeth, do you wet the toothbrush first then put the toothpaste on. and then do you rewet it again? >> yeah. >> jimmy: me, too. >> what animal wouldn't do that? >> jimmy: some people put it on the dry toothpaste and put -- >> roll out of bed and swallow a pill like just the first thing
in the morning. not like he takes pills all the time. my husband can swallow it dry. >> jimmy: me, too, i can't. i actually sometimes chew them. i can. >> that's weird. >> jimmy: i can eat cereal dry, too. where there's a will, there's a way. >> that's a sign of a serial killer. eating cereal -- >> jimmy: okay, so, you have the kids, and they're doing well, you named your son able, which is a little weird, because he seems like he should have a kane. >> he's the good brother. they are both a-names and we just liked the name. and it -- and in he brew, it means -- i'm not jewish, but i love jews, and -- >> jimmy: what? >> i really do, and -- able's a hebrew name, and it means breath. which i think is cool.
>> jimmy: it means breath, huh? you know what, everyone should run their names by me because i have -- i can come up with every horrible anymore name that's possibly thrust upon a child. now, the new season of "parks and recreation" started this week. it feels like this show is picking up steam lately. >> thank you, yeah. it's been really great. we're in season three. people are responding to it, liking it. we're behind "the office," we're happy to be there. >> jimmy: you've done something interesting. these are some of your cast members from season one. >> jim o'hare and nick offerman. amazing gentlemen. >> jimmy: these are some of the cast members you've added this season. is this a network decision or an amy decision? >> i think these two are
gorgeous. >> jimmy: of course they are. >> but go like this, yeah, okay. no. >> jimmy: rob lowe in real life, actually really ugly. >> he graphs so well. in person he's really alarming. like staring into the sun to look at him. >> jimmy: another series of photographs here this is something that we've come across somehow, and -- that's -- that appears to be you. >> you know what's so embarrassing? >> jimmy: this picture? >> yes. this picture. okay, in my 20s, you know, we used to, like, to make money we would give blood -- >> jimmy: for real. >> for real. and in chicago, you could, like, they would dress you up like someone and you would pictures that you, you know, like when you buy a picture frame that's the weird stuff that comes in it. and someone dug it up and found it and what's a bummer, when other actresses get their old
modeling pictures in the internet, they're like really young and sexy and i look like a sociopath who is going to smother a man with a pillow. >> jimmy: how old are you here? >> i don't know. i don't even care. >> jimmy: you look like you're 11. >> i do. i was probably, like, 28. if you ever had any doubt about my late bloomer-hood. >> jimmy: this is why the internet is so wonderful. >> it's forable. i don't think i wore makeup or anything. >> jimmy: you should definitely take pictures of the children like this. >> what were you doing? where did you find that picture? >> jimmy: somebody here found it. it would be weird if i was googling candy striper with flowers. thank you so much for being here. watch her show, "parks and recreation," thursday nights at
9:30 on nbc. we'll be right back with martha plimpton. call her. okay. [ cellphone rings ] hey. you haven't left yet. no. i'm boarding now. what's up? um, would you mind doing it again? last time. [ engine turns over ] ooh. sweet. [ male announcer ] the all-new chevy cruze with the mychevrolet app. the remote-control car is finally here. well, now she's just playing with us. oh. [ horn honks ] oh. moments ago, we gstylish orbit packs.ople [ orbit trumpet ] let's see what they think. cork my canteen! churn my butterscotch! [ laughs ] shut the front door! more dirty mouths cleaned up with orbit. in stylish packs. i can't reach the remote. ♪
[ male announcer ] thankfully, it even works on the man-cold. vicks dayquil relieves 5 cold and flu symptoms, aches, fever, sore throat, nasal congestion, cough. ♪ this is android. which powers the evo. this is something nice someone said about the evo. so is this. ♪ and this. and all this. ♪ and this is the new htc evo shift 4g. a smaller evo with a slide out keyboard. only from sprint, the now network. now there's even more to talk about. trouble hearing on the phone? visit sprintrelay.com.
a man can only try... and try...and try. i heard eating wle grain oats can help lower my cholesterol. it's gonna be tough...so tough. my wife and i want to lowe our cholesterol, but finding healthy food that tastes good is torturous. your father is suffering. [ male announc ] honey nut cheerios tastes great and can help lower cholesterol. a throne for the tv... room for movies... your workout gear... non-stop football... it's a man cave! the boys next door will never leave. who says we want them to?
>> jimmy: well, hi there, we're back. in moments we'll see cold war kids. our next guest is an emmy and tony-award nominated actress and the matriarch of one of the oddest families on tv. her show is called "raising hope." you can watch it tuesday at 9:00 on fox. please say hello to martha plimpton. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. great to have you here. we met, like, two weeks ago and i said, you must come on the show. >> and i was almost as terrified then as i am now. i haven't been on television, i think, since the golden age of kinnescope. >> jimmy: that is not true. you're on television every week now. >> that's true. i forgot. >> jimmy: well, you do theater and stuff like that. >> i certainly do. >> jimmy: and that's in front of people. right? >> yes, it's like -- >> jimmy: ideally. >> it's in a room lake this and
people sit out in the dark in chairs facing you and you speak very loudly wearing someone else's hair. generally. >> jimmy: you have everything memorized, obviously. is it like, can you think about other things when you talk and do the dialogue? >> you don't want to do that too much. you are threat much thinking about what's happening them. ideally. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess. >> ideally. otherwise that would make you bad, right? >> jimmy: well, yeah. >> in which case you would do something really stupid, right? if something went wrong, you would do something really dumb. >> jimmy: does that happen? >> it does happen. are you asking if it's happened to me? >> jimmy: well, sure. if you want to humiliate anyone, feel free. >> you know the play, you know, this dark, sort of norwegian kind of style thing. >> jimmy: yes, we all know. >> well --
>> jimmy: guillermo, right? >> it's great. >> it's your favorite. >> jimmy: he thinks it's a cheese. >> you saw me do it and you thought it was great. >> couple years ago, great. >> jimmy: you didn't know he could improv. so, when is this? >> this is, like, '63, '64, i don't know. and i had to, normally, well, she shoots herself at the end of the play. >> jimmy: great. >> she shoots herself -- >> jimmy: now it's ruined. >> i'm sorry to give it away. [ laughter ] the play is like 150 years old. pretty much everybody knows -- >> jimmy: you have to give people time. you know? >> and -- >> jimmy: you could at least say "spoiler alert" if you're going to say something like that. >> i'm so not in on the lingo. >> jimmy: you have to learn it. >> we did it differently, because i decided, they decided it would be cool if i shot
myself in the head on stage. >> jimmy: good. >> which is hard to do, because you don't have squids and stuff -- you know, the things -- anyway this is boring. i'll tell you what happened, which is -- i would walk on stage and every night, it was the same. i got into my muscle memory. every night i would walk on stage, dead center in front of this big white wall, you couldn't see anything else but me in a chair. i would spin around, put a gun to my head and just as i did that, the guy behind the wall with another gun would fire it, right, to make the noise? really loud. >> jimmy: he had to use a gun, huh? he couldn't go with the sound effects? >> no. he would fire it and i would go -- right? and i would die. >> jimmy: right. >> well, i got used to doing this night after night, and my body just got into the rhythm of it and one night i pulled the gun out and put it to my head
and the gun didn't go off. so, i had to think fast, people. so i did this -- bang! >> jimmy: i guess that's all you can do. >> really professional. really -- >> jimmy: what are you supposed to do in that? >> wait. >> jimmy: i guess waiting. >> i don't know. just wait. >> jimmy: what if the guy was out having a cigarette. you could still be out there right now. well, you're from a family of actors, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: and you started when you were a little kid. >> like 8 or 9. >> jimmy: how old were you when you were in "the goonies." >> oh, god. [ applause ] >> jimmy: people still love that movie. >> isn't that funny? it's great. i love it. >> jimmy: people still mention it to you, i would imagine. >> constantly.
>> jimmy: probably never gets old hearing about it. >> never. >> jimmy: were, did everyone get along on the set of "the goonies?" corey feldman was a pain in the ass, i'm going to guess? >> god, you know -- listen. i'm going to tell you this, but it's not -- >> jimmy: we won't tell anyone. >> it's not something i'm proud of. i'm not telling you this like i'm bragging. and i don't want corey to feel bad because i'm sure he's watching, right? >> jimmy: it's possible. >> no, he's watching. >> jimmy: you think so? >> i have a feeling his satellite got canceled. >> jimmy: jwhat are you going t do? >> he's a dear, sweet guy. but at the time, he was a horrible pain in the ass. we were all kids, we were 13, 14, and we all shared this -- when you have to go into a
school trailer when you're shooting a movie. and it's closed quarters and it's miserable. it's really, truly horrible. and, you know, you're there all day. five months of the screaming and the yelling and the sean astin, you know, and i'm 14 and "amadeus" just came out and i thought i was really fancy because i loved it. you know, like, i saw it twice at the beverly center. so, i was like, all private and intense and listening to my m e mozart all the time. corey loved to tease me and give me, you know, that word, the "sh" word. one day i was sitting in the school trailer, i was trying to type up some poetry or some damn thing. and he kept repeating everything i would say. you know that thing that
14-year-old boys do, they repeat everything you say, and you say, stop doing that, stop doing that. corey, i swear to god. corey, i swear to gold. the same thing over and over again. and i'm not going to say that i beat him up. because i didn't. >> jimmy: you didn't. >> but -- it is apparent that i ended up on top of him, banging his head against the floor. [ applause ] no, don't applaud that! it was mean, it was horrible. he was a struggling young child -- >> jimmy: i bet he stopped repeating you, didn't he? >> you know what was the most infuriating thing? he was laughing the entire time. shut up, shut up, shut up, and he was just laughing. >> jimmy: women, that's oell, t the danger signs.
>> but now, we're great friends. he's doing great. >> jimmy: this is what i want to ask you. tell us what's happening here. were you the plaintiff of the defendant? why are you with judge judy? is that a wax picture of judge judy? >> no, that's the real deal. that's the actual beautiful -- >> jimmy: you love her. >> i love her. >> jimmy: i kind of love her, too. >> and that's me being, like, overcome, like, complete lly verklempt. she gets me in my -- >> jimmy: really? >> i think she's so beautiful. and you know how people watch her to, like, they get, like, revenge fantasies out of it. >> jimmy: they like to watch her tear through -- >> yeah, but to me she's just like a calming force. >> jimmy: really? >> i could just lay on my couch, take a nap. >> jimmy: and watch the chaos in other people's lives. and then you got to stand at her podium, which is quite an honor.
>> isn't that incredible? isn't that the best? look at that -- >> jimmy: the american flag in the background. that is fantastic -- do you remember the case that was going on that day? >> oh, it had something to do with a brother beating up, like, smacking his sister's son -- >> jimmy: banging someone's head against the floor? >> my eyes were just pin wheels in love with her. >> jimmy: well, that is one of the most unusual celebrity crushes i've ever heard of. your show is very, very funny and you do a great job on it. honestly. it's called "raising hope," it's on fox at 9:00. and you should watch it, tuesday nights. martha plimpton, everybody. we'll be right back with cold war kids. ♪ ♪ if you want lovin'
♪ if you really do ♪ ain't no doubt about it, baby ♪ ♪ i love you ♪ baby, baby, baby, i love you ♪ i love you, i love you, i love you ♪ ♪ baby, i love you [ female announcer ] this valentine's, all you need is k-y brand intense. scientifically proven to make that big moment feel even bigg. scientifically proven the best device for everything you love to read editors' choice. best dedicated ereader. magazines look spectacular. fantastic device. touch the future of reading at barnes and noble. nookcolor. i was just gonna say that! about this flat haircolor! [ gigi ] try nice 'n easy. anti-flat, always dimensional. in one simple step, get tones and highlights built into every shade with nice 'n easy.
[ bells jingling ] [ snorting ] [ gasps ] ♪ [ female announcer ] too many holiday treats? [ snorting ] ♪ take the special k challenge, with so many ways to lose up to six pounds in two weeks. what will you gain when you lose? get started at specialk.com. what will you gain when you lose? it has phenomenal optics. here. hold that.in stock. supersharp images, and you can have it for free. [ laughs ] [ announcer ] imagine if you could get the best for free. sounds too good to be true. yeah. it is too good to be true. that would be insane. to give our best stuff away for free? at h&r block, we're serious. we believe you deserve... the best tax preparation available for free. so for a limited time, we'll prepare simple federal tax returns for free... at one of our 10,000 offices. call 1-800-hrblock.
moments ago, we gstylish orbit packs.ople [ orbit trumpet ] let's see what they think. cork my canteen! churn my butterscotch! [ laughs ] shut the front door! more dirty mouths cleaned up with orbit. in stylish packs. until you look at the gumline. the problem is, you could have plaque along your gumline that can lead to gingivitis. in fact, one in two adults actually has gingivitis and might not even know it. fortunately, there's new crest pro-health clinical gum protection toothpaste. it helps eliminate plaque at the gumline, helping prevent gingivitis. and it's even been clinically proven to help reverse it... in just four weeks. it also protects these other areas dentists check most. new crest pro-health clinical toothpaste. for healthier gums.
here's the gum for the rest of the time. dentyne pure. it purifies your breath deliciously instead of just covering it up. dentyne pure. practice safe breath. [ laughs ] [ male announcer ] it's applebee's unbelievably great tasting and under 550 calories menu. great tasting generous new dishes starting at $8.99. it's all the taste and none of the tradeoffs. only at applebee's. there's no place like the neighborhood. open until midnight or later.
>> jimmy: this is their new album, it came out yesterday, it's called "mine is yours." here with the song "louder than ever," cold war kids. ♪ all my windows were barred the sun made stripes of shade ♪ ♪ i was sitting around like a zombie feeding my own face i was counting my chi ♪ ♪ i was digging my strange i was taking you for granted
while you were holding the reins ♪ ♪ but i can hear you louder than ever whisper to me help me remember ♪ ♪ i can't see you but we're still together i can hear you louder than ever ♪ ♪ it's a slippery slope like that mouse trap game inside my tunnel vision you stepped on my train ♪ ♪ i can hear you louder than ever whisper to me help me remember ♪ ♪ i can't see you but we're still together
i can hear you louder than ever ♪ ♪ i don't want to ignore you or the past or my feelings we're probably gonna ♪ ♪ get out of this just hear me out anyway a darkness snuck in now i'm doubting ♪ ♪ all my promises don't try and pull me out of this just lay down by ♪ ♪ me and wait i can hear you louder than ever whisper to me ♪ ♪ help me remember i can't see you but we're still together i can hear you ♪ ♪ louder than ever