tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC June 10, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PDT
right after "nightline." plus a "game night special" sunday. thanks for watching abc news. check in for "good morning america." we'll see you tomorrow. tonight on an all new "jimmy kimmel live." >> anthony weiner is still in the news for the worst possible -- is it too late for him to tell people it's pronounced whiner? >> kathy griffin. >> el chalupa del gubernatorio. >> j.j. abrams. and music from friendly fires. >> the only thing that xobly make this right i think is if we find out weiner's wife got pregnant by arnold
>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a message from bud light. sponsors of the upcoming ufc battle on the bayou. you can win a trip to new orleans for a big ufc event. the grand prize includes two nights hotel, tickets to a concert, the main event. and a meet and greet with ufc personalities. sounds pretty good, huh, guillermo? >> pretty good, jimmy? i think it sounds like a dream. here we go. i think i like this best, po-boy. no, i think i like you best, oyster po-boy. i never -- i will never know for
sure until i try a crawfish po-boy. if i only had three hands. wait, this is a dream. [ laughter ] that's it, you are my favorite, crawfish po-boy. >> jimmy: guillermo? guillermo. >> mm? or maybe you, shrimp po-boy. >> jimmy: guillermo. >> yes, oyster po-boy? >> jimmy: no, no, no. it's me, jimmy. it's not the sandwich talking to you, guillermo. you were dreaming. >> oh. was i? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you were. [ cheers and applause ] >> the bud light ufc battle on the bayou. go to facebook.com/budlight for details on how you can win. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is
the nextec quickboost. giving you a charge in just three minutes - getting you back to work faster. get a free drill with purchase of one of, these 12-volt tools. craftsman. trust. in your hands. tastes so luscious, i enjoy it with lobster... mmmm... shrimp... oh... and mussels. [ male announcer ] fresh butter taste with 70% less saturated fat than butter. [ kim ] you can have it all.
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kathy griffin. director j.j. abrams. music from friendly fires. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ and now, hold on, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, thank you very much. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. thank you for washing yourselves before you came. good hygiene is very important
to me. tonight from dallas, texas, game five of the nba finals here on abc. the pressure tonight squarely on lebron james's tattooed shoulders. yeah. lebron scored only eight points in the fourth game. he only took one shot in the fourth quarter. just to put that in perspective, kobe bryant took more shots for the heat in the fourth quarter of game four 1/4 he's on the lakers. [ laughter ] i think it's the halftime as we tape the show. it's been quite
a series for the mavericks' dirk nowitzki. he might get his own "space jam" movie after this thing. [ laughter ] he scored 21 points in game four despite having a cold and a fever. which there is no sadder sight than a giant german with the sniffles. you know what the worst part of a seven-foot player with 101 degree temperature is? taking their temperature. you actually need a lightsaber to get up there and -- [ audience groans ] the people of dallas are in love with dirk nowitzki right now. listen to this pregame introduction. >> and at forward, in his 13th
season from germany, number 41, diiiirrrrrr diiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrkkk nowitzki! >> jimmy: see that, i should get that from you, dicky. [ applause ] the cold and fever aren't the only physical obstacles dirk has had to overcome during this series. he's also battling a torn tendon in his finger and
being white. [ laughter ] two strikes. in college football news, president obama honored the ncaa champion auburn tigers at the white house yesterday. his -- obama's former press secretary robert gibbs is i guess a big fan of the tigers. and he brought his son to the ceremony. and you can see here obama had a very hard time getting the
helmet onto the kid's head. you'd think with those ears he would be more sensitive to something like this. it's like bp trying to cap the oil spill. [ applause ] if i've said it once, i've said it 100,000 times. first you dip the child's head in butter. then you squeeze the helmet onto his head. there's a heat wave settling on about half of the country right now. much of the southeast and midwest had temperatures over 100 degrees today. it got so hot in new york a congressman there took off his pants and tweeted a picture of it. [ laughter ] anthony weiner is still in the news for the worst possible reason. is it too late for him to tell people it's pronounced "wine-er"? as i'm sure you're aware, earlier this week congressman weiner admitted to having tweeted a picture of his crotch to a college student in seattle and to having inappropriate relationships with other women online. today a fifth woman, a 34-year-old physical education
promoter from georgia was identified as yet another of his online sexting partners. every time a new woman comes forward i imagine tiger woods sitting in the back room of a hooters somewhere laughing his ass off. [ laughter and applause ] but this guy, this conservative blogger named andrew breitbart got his hands on an x-rated photo of congressman weiner, but he said he wouldn't release it out of respect for weiner's family. and then of course he wound up accidentally releasing it. and for some reason i looked at it. and i'm not sure why. you know, after like the eighth minute of searching online to see pictures of a congressman's penis, you really have to start questioning yourself. [ laughter ] now, obviously, we can't show you the picture because of strict anti-penis laws. but we can show you this suggestive-looking picture of a carrot. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it looks something like this. carrots are very good for the eyes. this might be why paris hilton can see in the dark. or it might not.
i don't know. many of weiner's democratic colleagues are calling for him to resign to "preserve his dignity," which i think -- i think that ship sailed out of his underpants already. no one is more outraged, and rightly so, than a man who has absolutely nothing to do with this story, and that man is donald trump. >> anthony weiner is a bad guy. he's a psycho. and when this came out, i was not surprised at all. >> jimmy: really? not at all? [ laughter ] you know what surprises me? the fact that donald trump has not just one but two pairs of scissors in his office. and he uses neither one of them on his head. [ laughter ] by the way, that's when you know you're rich, is when you're in the two pairs of scissors club. weiner's been very busy apologizing to his family, the public. he even apologized to former president clinton, who officiated his wedding over the summer. which what exactly was he apologizing to clinton for?
stealing his moves? [ laughter ] the clintons are reportedly very unhappy about the weiner situation. again. [ laughter ] and to make matters even worse, "the new york times" reported yesterday that weiner's wife is pregnant. the only thing that could possibly make this right i think is if we find out weiner's wife got pregnant by arnold schwarzenegger. [ applause ] you know, it's -- it's funny, it's humorous, when a man named weiner gets mixed up in something like this but ultimately it's sad for his family, it makes people trust their government less. these sorts of things just shouldn't happen. and there's one group doing their best to get to the bottom of why powerful men get involved in shenanigans like this. and they have a plan to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. >> bill clinton, arnold schwarzenegger, eliot spitzer, john mccain, john edwards, newt gingrich, mark sanford, jim mcgreevey, anthony weiner, thomas jefferson, and many, many more. political sex scandals are
everywhere. but there is a way you can stop them. cut off their testicles. >> ow! >> paid for by no testicles, no problem. >> i'm hillary clinton, and i approve this message. [ applause ] >> jimmy: and why wouldn't you? rapper flo rida was arrested earlier this morning in miami beach for driving his $1.7 million bugatti while under the influence. this is kind of funny. when the officer tried to conduct the walk the line test, he said, "officer, i can't do this. i don't feel like i can walk a straight line. i've had a few drinks. let's try another test." [ laughter ] "and maybe we can schedule it for next week when i'm not so loaded?" that didn't go over with the police. they asked him to walk a straight line. unfortunately, he hit the floor and next thing you know shorty got low, low, low, low, low. [ laughter ]
and then towed, towed, towed, towed, towed. [ laughter ] it looks like he's going to have to flo ride a bike for a little while. this is a video of a little boy named owen who was very excited about the fact he learned to ride his bike. he's become a viral video sensation. almost 2 million people have watched this video on youtube. watch here. you'll see why. >> i feel happy with myself. >> i feel happy with yourself, too. do you have any words of wisdom? what about for all the other kids trying to learn how to ride their bike? can you say anything to them? >> everybody, i know you can believe in yourself. if you believe in yourself, you will know how to ride a bike! if you don't, you just keep practicing! you will get the hang of it. i know it. if you -- if you keep practicing, you will get the hang of it and then you can get better and better at it if you get -- if you do it! >> give me some thumbs up. >> thumbs up, everybody! >> all right.
[ applause ] >> jimmy: that's inspiring. i've never had a pep talk from a 6-year-old before. did that inspire you at all, guillermo? >> yes, jimmy, it inspired me. >> jimmy: you don't know how to -- you didn't know how before? >> no, jimmy -- >> jimmy: to ride a bike? >> now i believe in myself. now i know how to ride a bike. >> jimmy: you think as a result of this video you know how to ride a bike? >> yes, i do. i believe in myself. >> jimmy: he believes in himself. i don't know why he's leaving but it's good -- oh, i see. because you know how to ride a bike. so now you're going to get on the bike and -- look at that. oh, isn't that adorable. there he goes. [ cheers and applause ] be careful. okay. good, good, good. walk -- yes, walk the bike down the stairs. >> i'm so happy of myself. >> jimmy: we're all happy of yourself, guillermo. we're very, very -- oh, well.
well, you know what, he had a good run. he's probably fine. his father was a pinata. [ laughter ] he'll be -- he'll be all right, right? i have great news for all you fellas out there. snooki from "jersey shore" is back on the market. snooki and her boyfriend of eight months, gianni leval, have reportedly broken up, which is very -- you know, if that drunken tangerine little angel can't find true love, what hope is there for the rest of us? they apparently ended their relationship while gianni was visiting snooki in italy where she's currently shooting season four of "jersey shore." so back to the zoo to pick out a new gorilla, i guess. [ laughter ] she'll bounce back. she has to. she's the size and color of a basketball. so -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] this is -- this is pretty good. the uk tv channel sky news was doing a story on how the elderly are cared for while they're in
the hospital, which isn't funny in itself. but what is funny is this. >> reporting on the care of the elderly in the hospital, i'd like to speak to professor weir hughes, the chief executive of the nursing and midwivry council. i'm sure when many people were reading about this story this morning, they couldn't believe their eyes, sir. what about you? >> i agree. i couldn't believe my eyes either. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that makes two of us, i guess. i think i have a new favorite nupt. muppet. and one more thing, it's thursday night. it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> to be fair, i have never [ bleep ] any of these women or had physical relationships at any time. >> i'm not here to [ bleep ] weiner. that's all i'm going to say. >> you realize you [ bleep ] up about paul revere, don't you? >> you know what, i didn't [ bleep ] up about paul revere.
>> dwyane wade has taken 13 [ bleep ], j.b., and then when you look at dirk, he's only taken eight [ bleep ]. that's not going to be enough [ bleep ]. >> joining us now is andrew breitbart, the man with the big [ bleep ]. andrew, good to see you. >> this is mine. >> i want to [ bleep ] you backstage. >> hey, magic, how important is jason terry to the mavs tonight? >> well, stewart, very important. >> he has never been faithful to a single woman his entire life. >> is that right? are you a serial [ bleep ]? >> no. >> music time with steve songs. ♪ i have a [ bleep ] ♪ and his name is art ♪ >> now, every weeknight, the cbs evening news with scott [ bleep ]. weeknights. [ applause ] >> jimmy: hey, we got a good show tonight. the director of the new movie "super 8," j.j. abrams is with us. we have music from friendly fires. and we'll be right back with kathy griffin.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tonight on the show, the bespectacled direct, writer, producer of the new movie "super 8" j.j. abrams is here. [ cheers and applause ] i actually went and saw the movie last night. it's a good one. and you don't have to have seen "super 1" through "7" to understand what's going on. this is their new album, it's called "pala," friendly fires from the bud light outdoor stage. [ applause ] next week, we'll be joined by elle fanning, who's great in "super 8," by the way. cedric the entertainer. alan curts weill. gordon ramsey, the screaming chef, music from ice cube.
and don't forget our primetime "game night" special before or after the nba finals depending on where you live with special appearances by dwyane wade and shaquille o'neal. so good times. please join us then. [ applause ] . our next -- our first guest tonight you know from her numerous stand-up specials, broadway shows, reality programs and occasional outbursts of profanity on new year's eve. her new stand-up special is called "kathy griffin: girl down." it premieres june 22nd at 9:00 on bravo. please say hello to kathy griffin! [ cheers and applause ] look at you. you look great. you're very physically fit. it seems like you're more physically fit every time i see you. >> well, i'm angry and bitter and hungry all the time. >> jimmy: oh, good. >> it's working. >> jimmy: otherwise, you're doing all right? >> no, i'm not.
i'm having a hard time. >> jimmy: you are? >> she's gone, jimmy, she's gone. >> jimmy: who's gone? >> she said farewell and i am not taking it well. >> jimmy: who did? >> oprah! >> jimmy: oh. >> oprah, jimmy! i can't stand it when you sit there like nothing happened because it did happen and she's gone! >> jimmy: you know, it's so painful i think i blocked it out is what happened. >> well, i'm sorry, we're going to have to have a recovered memory. because that whole extravaganza which i would liken to a combo of the super bowl and the academy awards except way better was such an amazing. >> jimmy: her farewell week? you have to throw some of michael jackson's funeral in there too because it was really like a lot of -- >> oh, we'll go there, we're not afraid to go there. absolutely. and then of course the last day was just a sermon. just a sermon with her and that salmon dress with some draping off to the side and giving a shout out to the lord. it was ridiculous. and i'm not having all the praise for one more second. now, i will say it isn't just me
because i wisely watched the two, like, star-studded extravaganza good nights with my 90-year-old alcoholic mother, who's here tonight -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, you brought a picture of your mom. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so here is a picture of my mom halfway through a box of wine. [ laughter ] [ applause ] really, you're cheering? you're cheering that she's still drinking? and right -- why not? my mom was yelling inappropriate things at the television. >> jimmy: at oprah. >> can you imagine? she had to be hammered to be yelling at the almighty oprah. and she was yelling things like "oh, for god's sake, she's not the messiah." [ laughter ] "you'd think she was jesus h. christ at this point." and my favorite was, "it's not like she's judge judy." [ applause ] >> jimmy: really? >> which is -- that would be a sendoff. that would be a sendoff. but i will say there are some parts i found sort of
mystifying. well, oprah's odd ponytail that looked like the back of a horse. you know what i mean? it was very chopped off. >> jimmy: i didn't notice that. >> and then at one point this little white opera singer who was about 6 years old came out and even tom cruise looked flummoxed, and that takes a lot. [ laughter ] . so there were many moments, and there were so many stars it was almost as if she got kind of bored after a while. like oh, josh groban. ladies and gentlemen, patti labelle. whatever. wrap it up. [ laughter ] but i did enjoy the most insufferable moment, which was maya angelou reading that awful poem over and over. oprah, oprah, oprah. [ laughter ] am i exaggerating? she said it like 17 times in a row. as if oprah was like, i get it, that's my name. [ laughter ] and i was fascinated by the so-called appearance by stedman because i still maintain he's a hologram. [ laughter ] he's missing. he's not been seen. have you seen stedman? >> jimmy: i've never seen him. i've never touched him, that's for sure.
>> well no, the only touching -- >> jimmy: will you be watching the own network? >> i am obsessed with own. >> jimmy: oh, you are? >> how are you doing with "the judds"? >> jimmy: i'm doing great with them. >> okay. so first of all, who's the mother and who's the daughter? >> jimmy: yeah, there's naomi and ashley and wynonna. >> who i think looks so much like elvis that my theory is elvis is her real father. look at her. she looks just like elvis or lisa marie. that's a family shrouded in secrets. and i love own because it's all women on buses sobbing. [ laughter ] and that's all they do, is they get on a bus with a life coach. we should do that sometime. we should get a life coach. >> jimmy: sure, why not? >> and just cry it out. and do you find that you wake up every morning like shania twain and just say "why not?" why not? [ laughter ] shania's on a journey. >> jimmy: is she on a journey? >> she's on a bus crying also. >> jimmy: why is she on a bus? >> why not? [ laughter ] that's the frame of mind when you're watching own. >> jimmy: so no particular reason. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but you are watching own, which is what's important. >> i can't believe you're having sarah ferguson on next week. >> jimmy: are you excited about
that? >> "finding sarah." i want to find her right now. that is going to be fantastic. where she was trying to sell the husband for 500 pounds. for like a handshake. a million if he hugs you. oh, that's going to be yummy. >> jimmy: yeah, i got to get into that with her. >> yeah, they're all good. >> jimmy: isn't that a crime? shouldn't she be in jail right now? >> no, she should have a reality show on own. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you brought some photographs. i know you were in new york last week. >> well, now i'm really running in the high fashion couture world, where i belong. >> jimmy: are you really? >> yes. now that i'm a teen model. [ laughter ] and i b.s.'d my way into this event called the fdcas. or i can't remember what it was called. but it was some kind of high fashion thing. i was on the red carpet and it was so tacky because i would not leave that red carpet. i saw so many celebrities and you know who had the most security out of everybody by far? >> jimmy: who? >> olsen twins. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yes. i don't think barack obama was safe that night because it's as if they had all of his security. >> jimmy: how many do you think they had? >> they had like 16 guys going "back away!
back away!" and you know, they're little, but with those big "children of the corn" eyes like this. [ laughter and applause ] and they pose like that. and if you try to touch one, they will cut you. >> jimmy: who is this? you took a picture on the red carpet. >> then at the end, i had to wait and wait. wild horses couldn't get me off that red carpet when i saw lady gaga show up. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. that's got to be -- that's a prize for you. >> that is a fantastic get. so she had on a blue wig. and she wears these stilts like this. and they're sort of shoes. and she's very beautiful. and she's this big. she's tiny. but she has this corset on and then she had a train that was about 15 feet long. and i took that photo because as she was somehow walking in these stilt shoes her train was gathering all of the garbage and debris of new york city. [ laughter ] and nobody would believe me unless i took the picture because i'm sure it was fabulous haute couture. and yet as you can see, there's some, like, garbage remnants there. i think there's a little like urine-soaked toilet paper and maybe some candy wrappers. >> jimmy: lady gaga cleaning up new york city.
that's really nice of her. she's a giant swiffer is what she is there. [ laughter ] >> exactly. and she was born that way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're going to take a quick break here. "kathy griffin: girl down" premieres june 22nd at 9:00 on bravo. we'll be right back. >> holla. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ introducing crest 3d white
enamel renewal toothpaste. it not only removes up to 90% of surface stains in just two weeks, it also strengthens and rebuilds your enamel. new crest 3d white enamel renewal toothpaste. life opens up when you do. his family knows what to expect. hun, mike's coming -- let's get crackin'. [ male announcer ] but what mike rowe doesn't know is that his parents have armed themselves with unquilted viva® towels. place looks great. [ male announcer ] mike doesn't know that every concentrated viva roll is made of strong, fiber packed sheets, making it one tough towel. but his mom sure does. wow, for me? you shouldn't have. i insist. [ male announcer ] hey, if viva can handle mike rowe's mess, just think what it can do in your home. grab a roll for yourself and grasp the unquilted difference.
♪ [ female announcer ] new 100% natural lipton iced tea. you are what you tea. [ female announcer ] new 100% natural lipton iced tea. a network of possibilities. in here, the planned combination of at&t and t-mobile would deliver our next generation mobile broadband experience to 55 million more americans, many in small towns and rural communities, giving them a new choice. we'll deliver better service, with thousands of new cell sites...
for greater access to all the things you want, whenever you want them. it's the at&t network... and what's possible in here is almost impossible to say. [ male announcer ] spare toothbrush, just in case: $4. ♪ home cooked meal: $28. ♪ first date finest: $33. ♪ having time on your side: priceless. mastercard paypass. bringing you the most convenient ways to pay. learn more at mastercard.com/paypass.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, we're back. with kathy griffin. and j.j. abrams and friendly fires still to come. happy birthday, i want to say to your mom. >> my mom's 91st birthday is tomorrow, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you having a big party or anything for her? >> yeah. we're having a big party. and the featured gift of course will be a box of wine. so she'll be tipping it. and then she'll black out for a while. and later when you talk to her she'll say none of it happened. >> jimmy: that sounds like a lot of fun. >> she might slip you a roofy, be careful. >> jimmy: our next guest -- j.j. abrams. >> he was my groundling teacher when i was a student at the groundlings improv troupe. i've known him for a really long time. we went on a double date one time. i can't remember if i [ bleep ] him or not. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it because of the box of wine? >> no, i don't even drink. we went for frozen yogurt. that's how easy i am, by the way. it's like i'm eating a frozen yogurt and i'm -- never mind.
>> jimmy: i'll ask him when he gets out here. >> i don't think i did. i don't know. i hope he liked it. i can't remember. >> jimmy: not only you have this big -- >> i'm america's sweetheart. go ahead. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is your ninth stand-up special televised? >> yes. i'm doing four stand-up specials just in one year on bravo called "girl down." and it's a lot of scandalous talk and real-life stories and ridiculousness. but i've also been pretty busy. so i'm also doing as a challenge to myself four lifetime movies in one year. >> jimmy: wow. >> and they're all bio pics. >> jimmy: oh, bio pics. >> i brought a clip tonight. it's pretty moving. >> jimmy: well, great. we have the clip here. i guess -- we don't have to set it up? >> i don't think you do. >> jimmy: we'll just show it. this is your new bio pic which comes out soon. ♪ >> she was a simple housekeeper from mexico. he was a simple governor from austria.
>> hola. >> she was there to clean, but he wanted it dirty. >> aye. >> theirs was a forbidden love. >> i want to ravish you. i want to hear the lamentation of the woman. i'm going to give you pleasure that will be unbelievable intensification. >> ooh. >> your body's a wonderland. our love making will be inconceivable. >> no comprende. >> da! >> no entiendo. >> ah! >> senor? >> hasta la vista. baby? >> kathy griffin is mildred patty baena. >> me gusta la chalupa del gubernatoria.
>> and introducing kevin nealon. in the role of a lifetime. >> dada? >> quiet, baby. >> dada? >> da! >> the mildred patty baena story. >> only on lifetime, the place for lady drama. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] very powerful. >> it's so close to home. >> jimmy: kathy griffin, "girl down," premieres june 22nd at 9:00 on bravo. and kevin nealon you can see performing this weekend june 10th and 11th at the comedy and magic club in hermosa beach. he's got a charity benefit on behalf of friends of big joe. thank you very much for being here. kathy griffin, everybody. we'll be right back with j.j. abrams. you don't always know where life will take you. but when you're driving the new 2011 jeep compass, that gives you up to 29 mpg, you can take all the time you need to figure it out.
♪ the 2011 jeep compass. the evolution of a legendary bloodline. well-qualified lessees can get a 2011 jeep compass sport 4x2 for $239 a month. the nextec quickboost. giving you a charge in just three minutes - getting you back to work faster. get a free drill with purchase of one of, these 12-volt tools. craftsman. trust. in your hands. and olive garden's one of the few places we can take them where everyone's happy. try our new four cheese pastachettis. with grilled chicken breasts in a garlic cream sauce. or with grilled sausage. starting at just $9.95. only at olive garden. is the kind you can forget about completely. introducing the new acti-fresh™ liner from carefree®. so thin, so absorbent, so comfortable you'll forget you're wearing a liner. new acti-fresh™ from carefree®. wonderfully forgettable™.
then...over time... become dull... and lose their luster. new tide plus bleach helps bring your whites back to bright in one wash. turning white-ish to...wow. tide plus bleach. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] nothing will keep you from magnum. ♪ silky vanilla bean ice cream and rich caramel sauce all covered in thick belgian chocolate. now available for the first time in america... new magnum ice cream.
next week on "jimmy kimmel live." the duchess of york, sarah ferguson. chef gordon ramsey. cedric the entertainer. from "super 8," elle fanning and ice cube. [ cheers and applause ] can i help you ? are these tablets-- mom, allow me. are these tablets flash-ready ? yes. which ones ? these, including the samsung galaxy tab. what about movies ? straight from android market to the motorola xoom.
he [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back. kathy griffin is with us. friendly fires are on the way. our next guest is a brilliant man who has bettered our lives with far too many great shows and movies to mention. his terrific new film which he wrote, directed and produced with steven spielberg is called "super 8." >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: "super 8" opens in theaters tomorrow. please welcome j.j. abrams!
[ cheers and applause ] >> wow. oh, my lord. >> jimmy: we'll begin with the question that we need answered which is did you make sweet, sweet love to kathy griffin after frozen yogurt? >> i do remember. that night. and we were actually kind of a support team for two friends of ours. >> our other friends. you're right. we did just have yogurt. >> we did. it was delicious yogurt. >> jimmy: well, that's a shame. by the way, i saw your movie last night. and you've done it again. it's fantastic. >> oh, you're very sweet, thank you very much. thank you. oh, thank you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: and we found this -- this is pretty cool. this is from 1982. this is an "l.a. times" article called "the beardless wonders of film-making." you can see these kids in the
picture here. and one of these kids is j.j. >> yep. >> jimmy: you made a short film. >> yeah. there was a film festival at a local theater in los angeles. and matt reeves and i were two of the people in -- who had films in the festival. and they had this article. >> jimmy: this article was seen by? >> well, steven spielberg saw the article and his office called matt the next day and said would you and the other kid without a beard be interested in repairing these movies steven made when he was a kid? >> jimmy: and he actually physically turned movies over to you? >> that's the thing that's insane. these are movies that -- you know, when you make movies on 8-millimeter film it's not like there are copies or a negative. these are the original 8-millimeter films that steven spielberg made when he was a teenager. and they were like in disrepair, so we had to repair the splices. but it was insane. it was like giving us -- you think, the value of those things was so enormous. like giving us the mona lisa and saying, will you clean this? and like dogs are walking past
it and -- you know. >> jimmy: you did it in your house? >> jae, on the floor of our bedroom. >> jimmy: how cheap is steven spielberg? [ laughter ] >> it was crazy. to this day it doesn't make any sense that he would entrust two strangers that were 15 years old to repair these movies. >> jimmy: he's lucky you didn't use them to make -- as rolling papers or something. i mean -- [ laughter ] >> well, i wanted to steal a frame because it said written and directed by steve spielberg. i was like, come on, we have to. and matt's like, no. >> jimmy: you're lucky. it could have been disastrous. you might not be working with him now. >> this is true. >> jimmy: when he's the producer of your movie, does he do anything? does a producer really produce anything? >> he was amazing. he helped me -- you know, we worked on the script together and with casting. he spent hours in the editing room with me. it was amazing because he'd be sitting there. you know, it would be crazy because you know, there was steven spielberg and there were so many times i'd work on something and think what the hell would steven spielberg do in and we'd be in the editing room. he'd say, "you know what i'd do?" he'd make a suggestion. and i'd be like oh, my god, there he is right there, telling me what he would do.
it was very cool. >> jimmy: you have to listen to everything he suggests, right? you can't reject anything -- >> he is the greatest collaborator when you get past the oh, my god, it's steven spielberg. he's a guy with aamazing ideas. he's an awesome collaborator. >> jimmy: how do you get past the oh, my god, it's steven spielberg? >> it takes time. >> jimmy: i would think so. >> you reference movies that you loved and you're like, oh, he directed that, [ bleep ]. and you don't want to make it seem like you're being a sycophant but it's hard when you're working with him, especially on a movie that has, you know, kids and bikes and other-worldly stuff. not to reference the -- you know. >> jimmy: the kids, by the way, are not all professional actors. these are kids you found somewhere? >> i've got to say, two of the kids on the movie had never been on the set of anything before. so it was -- they were terrified at the beginning and i was terrified. they ended up being spectacular. they're amazing kids. but i just didn't want, like, professional actors who are acting like kids, you know what i'm saying? because these kids came in to audition. they'd be like, okay, so how do you want it? >> jimmy: they're not even
children. >> i just want you to be a kid. and these kids came in. they were just really naturally talented and they weren't jaded, they weren't, like, hollywood fake people. >> jimmy: did they get right into it or was there a period where you're like -- >> the first couple days, i was so scared that i actually -- i was in a panic, honestly. and among other people that i bothered i called rob reiner, who had done "stand by me," which was one of my favorite movies. this amazing group of kids. i said, rob, please, you know, can you give me something, just anything? he's like, well, do you love the kids? i'm like, they're great kids. but i'm like -- well, do they have good instincts? i'm like, i think they do. but just give me some hint, a tip. i was an actor. we had four months of acting school. what can i tell you? he was not helping at all. it was a disaster. but he, you know, just said just give it a couple days. and he was 100% right. they just calmed down. and frankly -- >> jimmy: and you calmed down. >> i calmed down too. >> jimmy: and did steven spielberg calm down too? >> i hadn't met him yet, i don't know. he was actually filming another movie. so when i was shooting, he only
came to the set a few times. but he would send me videos of stuff from his set. i would send him videos from mine. it would be like we'd keep in touch every day. >> jimmy: in a way this movie is kind of -- it's like your life story except with a monster. you didn't have a monster in your real life, right? >> not a real one but there was, you know -- making movies was a way as a kid -- like with super 8 film to sort of test out things and kind of, you know, take movies that we loved and sort of things we were afraid of and sort of, you know, make movies about them, kind of express ourselves and kind of get it out there. the idea of -- we would do these violent horrible deaths. we would film things that were really like -- i mean horrible, sick, crazy things. and you know, we'd make just tons of fake blood and use it, all of it. and we would do things like -- i remember one time i did a fight scene and we made it look like there was a guy hanging off a five-story parking structure. and it was a dummy. but my dad came in, he saw the clip, and he got so pissed that i would risk someone's life
filming a scene. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> it was like a victory. i was like, you know, he believed it. he thought it was real. >> jimmy: that's all you can ask for. we have some footage here. of you as a young man. >> yeah, i've heard about this. >> jimmy: on a public access television show. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you somehow booked yourself on this show. and well, let's take a look. >> this show? >> jimmy: the young j.j. abrams. >> i hear you have a couple other souvenirs. >> yes, the makeup man, dick smith, who has done "the exorcist" and "altered states" and many other films to his name, he sent me the tongue which is used in "the exorcist," the original. in one scene she's sitting on her bed. >> this is it? >> yeah. it was the -- >> j.j., that's nice. >> it's old but clean. i wouldn't otherwise. >> jimmy: that's very cute. now we have a clip from one of
those movies, those super 8 movies you made as a kid. >> oh, good. by the way, you know someone told me about that clip, it was recorded 30 years ago today. >> jimmy: 30 years ago -- >> today. isn't that weird? >> jimmy: another mystery from your world. that is weird. >> yeah. >> jimmy: let's look at one of your very first monster movies. i think it's called "the attic." >> this is a good one. >> jimmy: do you recognize it? "the attic"? >> i hate you, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right. ♪ >> ahh! >> get out of here! >> we have to go in the attic. now we seek revenge. you must die. >> you die! you die! >> jimmy: a young denzel washington in the role of the killer. [ applause ]
well, you've come a long way. >> that was greg rumberg. >> jimmy: that was greg? really. >> and chris gordon doing a -- >> jimmy: does greg have a cameo in this particular film? >> his voice is in "super 8." but i'm so glad that was just on national tv. >> jimmy: well, it's a terrific -- congratulations on the movie. it's really great. it's called "super 8." [ cheers and applause ] are you guys going to go see the movie? you've got a whole bunch of people that are going to go see the movie. >> i'll tell you, do you guys want to see it? [ applause ] you guys want to see it tonight? [ applause ] i got some buses outside. >> jimmy: what a coincidence. >> if you want to see the movie we'll give you a ride and we'll give you -- >> jimmy: there you go. opens in theaters tomorrow. j.j. abrams, everybody. kathy griffin. we'll be right back with friendly fires. elelelelelelelell
♪ ♪ i found a tape in my back garden ♪ ♪ a blue cassette covered in dirt ♪ ♪ and through the dust the wheels start turning ♪ ♪ and played some memories stored in it ♪ ♪ as i hear your voice ♪ it sets my heart on fire ♪ it sets my heart on fire ♪ and i can't stop the reels from turning ♪ ♪ can't stop the tape machine ♪ as i hear your voice it sets my heart on fire ♪ ♪ my heart on fire
♪ i found a place i thought was stolen ♪ ♪ a place that's built on noise and needs ♪ ♪ and in my hand it spins so gently ♪ ♪ and fills a void rewinding me ♪ ♪ rewinding me ♪ as i hear your voice ♪ it sets my heart on fire ♪ with all the noise ♪ it sets my heart on fire ♪ and i can't stop the reels from turning ♪ ♪ i can't stop the tape machine ♪ ♪ as i hear your voice ♪ it sets my heart on fire
♪ my heart on fire ♪ lay back down ♪ i told myself ♪ i tell myself ♪ lay back down ♪ i tell myself ♪ how could i ever forget you ♪ as i hear your voice ♪ it sets my heart on fire ♪ with all the noise ♪ it sets my heart on fire ♪ and i can't stop the wheels from turning ♪ ♪ i can't stop the tape machine ♪ ♪ as i hear your voice ♪ it sets my heart on fire ♪ my heart on fire