tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 29, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PDT
we'll see you here tomorrow. >> tonight on jimmy kimmel live, steve harvey. >> what are you going to get your rich wife for mother' day? do you know? >> birth control pills. because we don't need no more damn kids. >> i would like you to come back with a piece of food stuck to your head. >> def patel and music from glen frye.igigigigigigigigigigigigigg
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- steve harvey, dev patel and music from glenn frey, with cleto and the cletones. and now, look out, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you very much. hi, there. i'm jim. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here on
this beautiful evening in southern california. it was a big day for gay stuff today. a lot of gay things went on today. first news, that north carolina voted to approve an amendment that specifically defines marriage solely as a union between a man and woman, which makes no sense considering the fact they let "dawson's creek" shoot there for years. and it doesn't get much gayer than that. same-sex marriage was already against the law, but they wanted it in their constitution to preserve, quote, the sanctity of marriage. i think between kim kardashian and larry king we ruined the sanctity of marriage. and president obama came out with approval of same-sex marriage. he came out so strongly he kissed wolf blitzer right on the
houj. in an interview with robin roberts of abc, he said over the years, he has been going through an evolution on the issue. which makes his opponents on the far right doubly angry. they don't believe in gay marriage or evolution. i think the timing on this is very interesting, though. he made the announcement today. tomorrow, he happens to have a fund raising dinner at george clooney's house. very interesting. i think they're getting married! it's been a tumultuous week for the president. they held a democratic primary yesterday in wf west virginia, and, even though obama officially clinched the candidacy, yesterday, an unknown candidate got 41% of the vote. and not only was he unknown, he is in prison. he is serving in five for makes threats for the university of new mexico and also serving five years for that haircut.
it's interesting. we had our first african-american president. keith judd can be the first president with a super mullet. i'm not sure how judd launched his campaign from prison. he was able to pay the $2500 entry fee, which is baffling. but i'm even more baffled how he was able to produce this campaign ad. >> he's not a washington insider or an ivy league grad, but keith judd knows what it takes to trade a handful of cigarettes for a choco taco. keith judd for president. paid for by prison soap. >> jimmy: i think he might be my guy. [ applause ] meanwhile, another former democratic candidate for president, hillary clinton, is making headlines now for nonpolitical reasons. she was out of the country for a
number of events. she attended a number of public events without makeup on. which -- is that a big deal? i'm pretty sure colin powell went without makeup a lot. and rightly or wrongly, women are held to a different standard. here's the story from "cbs this morning." >> secretary clinton is back after a trip over the weekend. it's not her diplomacy. we're talking about. we're talking about her appearance. >> and the secretary of state makes no apologies. >> the whole thing is blown out of proportion. >> jimmy: i'm not getting paid to see this, but i personally use smooth souffle by loreal. strange news out of virginia today. a court judge says that liking something on facebook is not
considered free speech and therefore not protected under the first amendment. reportedly, a sheriff fired some of his employees for liking someone on the page of an opposing candidate. that's strange. this is how it starts. first, they come for our likes and next they come for our pokes. fortunately, the right for shooting someone for putting too many pictures of their cats taking naps is still protected under the first amendment. today by the way was national receptionist day. the day we honor the brave individuals who get hit by on the fedex guy. national receptionists day was started by the national receptionists association who decided they -- i like that there's a national receptionist association. is everyone's desk is front desk? and who is the receptionist at the -- that must be the most decorated receptionist in the
world. so happy whatever to them. hey, there's an exciting new celebrity emerging from long island, new york. a woman named katherine scalia. she is a stripper and also a hot dog vendor. she wears bikini top as she sells hot dogs. >> showing your cleavage is indecent exposure. prostitution is sex, sexual acts. [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. that a that's prostitution. >> jimmy: it's good to see joey butt aafuchco again. she had more. >> every sex test they gave me was negative. i have nothing. i have no herpes, i have no aids. i have nothing.
i'm clean. i'm a mother of four kids. and yes, i show my cleavage. i think it's sexy. if pamela anderson can do it, so can i. >> jimmy: somehow she managed to ruin hot dogs and "baywatch" for me. clearly she's enjoying the attention. fox 5 visited her in her home last night. >> i have two jobs. i sell hot dogs in the day and at night i do the stripping business. >> reporter: katherine says she has the proper permits for her hot dog business and printed cards for her stripping. the 45-year-old says she's just trying to have fun in life. >> i will be stripping for another 15 years. as long as this body is built the way it is. see this body? okay, this is a mother of triplets here, okay? i'm cut up. i'm stacked nice. >> jimmy: in that case, we'll
check back with you in 16 years, maybe 18 just to be safe. all this week we are celebrating mother's day and what better way to celebrate it than with that? we are celebrating with someone who i think captures the spirit of the holiday, a man who's brimming with so much love and knowledge it almost literally comes bursting out of his every pore. and with that said, on the subject of mother's day, i give you gary busey. >> without a mother, we wouldn't have the american flag. i'm speaking of betsy ross. there's incredible women in the world today and still are. and they're getting stronger and stronger, and god bless them all. so what do we do? we say happy mother's day forever! okay! that said, for the session on how to treat your mother with
lo love. >> jimmy: all right, get that man and hooker and a hot dog. [ cheers and applause ] we have something fun planned for tonight using skype video chat. this is our first ever all-family edition of the skype scavenger hunt. usually, we will pit strangers against one another. but tonight all of our contestants are related. first, from vienna, virginia, say hello to chico and amy! how you doing? >> great. >> jimmy: what is your plan for mother's day, chico? do you have something planned for amy? >> yes, i think we're going to take her out for an evening out to eat
and do things with the kids. >> he didn't plan anything. >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: he didn't plan anything. now, are you prepared to crush members of your family? >> absolutely. we want to say hi real quick. >> jimmy: you got kids there. look at this. what's your name? >> angelina. >> jimmy: are you going to make your mother's breakfast on mother's day? >> yeah! with papa! >> jimmy: what are you going to make her? >> it's a surprise. >> jimmy: she too is unprepared for the holiday. all right, we're going say hello i think to one of your cousins now from maryland, chico's cousin shawn is with us. hello, shawn. shawn, what do you do for a living? >> i'm an attorney. >> jimmy: you look like a defendant. >> ah! >> jimmy: you're really -- you're really an attorney.
>> i'm an attorney with a little swag. >> jimmy: all right. our third and final competitor tonight, chic co-'s sistco's si, amy's sister, jackie. hello. are you an attorney as well? >> no, not at all. my husband is though. >> jimmy: he is? what do you do for work? >> i'm a molecular genetic technician. >> jimmy: i have no idea what that means. >> i work the lab. >> jimmy: do you feel your science knowledge will give you an edge this evening? >> yeah, definitely. >> jimmy: this is amazing. you never have to see your family in person again thanks to technology. this is a scavenger hunt. i will tell you to find something or do something. chico and amy, to be fair, only one of you can play at a time, okay? >> okay.
>> jimmy: are you ready to play? all right. the first round, i want you to find something that starts with the letter "q." something in your house that starts with the letter "q." all right, they're thinking. maybe a quail. maybe there's a queen latifah laying around somewhere. a picture of queen latifah would be acceptable. what do you have? >> it's a quilted hat? >> jimmy: it's a quilted hat? that's fair. and what do you have? >> a quilt. >> jimmy: you are a little late. jackie, come back. you also have a quilt. >> i got a quilt. >> jimmy: you are a three-quilt family. that round goes to chico. let's go to the next one. i would like to you come back
with a piece of food stuck to your head, and the funniest one wins. all right, a piece of food. jackie, what is that on your head? >> spaghetti. >> jimmy: all right. shawn, what do you have on your head? potato chips? and chico, you have -- >> pizza. >> jimmy: it's a slice of pizza. i'm going to give this to jackie. i think the spaghetti is -- we could have gone with more spaghetti. jackie had one strand of spaghetti in her refrigerator. and the next thing, i want you to come back with something the other contestants -- [ cheers and applause ] something the other members of
your family would not want you to show. okay? oh, boy, amy -- i think that is bad news for jackie. amy shot out of her chair like a rocket. shawn, what do you have? >> a social security card. >> jimmy: your own? amy, hold that closer to the camera. tell us what that is. >> a very embarrassing family pic. >> jimmy: where is jackie? jackie what do you have? a dog? what kind of a thing is that? >> he's overweight. >> jimmy: and there is a child that has appeared. i have to give it to shawn. shawn showed his social security card, will be a victim of identity theft. all right, i would like to you come back wearing the most embarrassing clothing you own.
i will judge which is the most embarrassing -- shawn went so fast i think he's in chico and amy's living room now. parachute pants. celine dion concert t-shirt. oh, wow. what is that you're wearing, shawn? whose robe is that? >> my roommate. >> jimmy: is your roommate prince? >> not quite. >> jimmy: all right, amy what are you wearing? >> i have on a santa hat, horns, and a bikini hat and a scarf. >> jimmy: and jackie has -- that's an assortment of things. there's jackie. let's see what she's wearing. jackie, what are you wearing? jackie, did you lose track of -- okay, you've got a towel. >> it's my robe. >> jimmy: it's your robe.
i'm going to have to say shawn is wearing the most embarrassing article of clothing. shawn, you are our winner tonight. you are the fastest, the smartest, and by the way, no one is going away empty-handed. you're all winners. each of you is going to receive a skype-enabled television set. dicky, tell them more. >> dicky: keep in touch with mom this mother's day or any it day on skype. whether they're on their computer, mobile phone or another tv. find out more at skype.com. >> jimmy: thanks, guys. i appreciate it. we have a good show tonight. dev patel is here and music from glenn frey is here and we'll be right back with steve harvey. so stick around!
tonight on the show, a delightful actor, you know him from "slumdog millionaire," dev patel is here. and from this new cover album, glen frey from the bud light stage. tomorrow night, on the show, dr. phil will be here tomorrow night. carrie underwood will be here. we will debut a duet, we have looking to do a project together for sometime and we found the right thing. i think you will enjoy it. our first guest is a busy man who hosts a radio show every morning and just produced a hit movie based on his best-selling book. it is really no wonder he's bald. think like a man and think like a lady is now in theaters and it's now available in paperback.
that is the back of the paperback. please say hello to steve harvey! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> so nice, man. you all give out mints at the back before you come out. >> jimmy: mint, yeah. >> i never had ginger altoids before. >> they're keepers, so we stock up on those. >> they taste they gorilla urine. thought i'd tell you that. i've never had that. that's the most trifling thing i've ever had in my mouth, thank you so much, jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: we like to poison the guests before they come on stage. you haven't been here in a while. i have been on your radio show
and talked to you a few times. but your outfits, you have no hat on. with the tie matching. >> i was 49 then. i am 55 now. >> jimmy: six years ago. >> on my 49th christmas, christmas eve, i shaved my hair and lost weight and stopped wearing pimp suits. my wife actually did it. i went out on a weekend trip and i said, any of my suits you don't like when i'm gone, just take the sleeve and fold them back. i came home and all my sleeves were folded back. i just found out my wife hated everything i wore. i had to get rid of all my suits. >> jimmy: she was not a fan of the steve harvey collection. >> well, the collection has changed now. more conservative now. i just grew up a bit. i got tired of me. >> jimmy: i hear you have a line of women's clothing. >> it comes out july 15th. >> do you participate in that?
do you know about women's clothing and what they should wear? >> no, i don't know a thing. no. i don't know anything about what women should wear. but what i do know is what men like to see women wear. [ cheers and applause ] that's the deal, huh? huh? yeah. [ cheers and applause ] women will be looking really good, really well. >> jimmy: will your wife be wearing any of this clothing? >> no, my wife is rich. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what you are going to get your rich wife for mother's day? do you know? do you have a plan? >> i think we are just going to chew birth control pills. we don't need no more damn kids. >> jimmy: how many do you have now? >> seven. >> they're multiplying. she is planning an anniversary trip, i had to get involved.
and for christmas, we go to aspen. which she loves to do and i don't know why because there's like eight black people in aspen. and we are all eight of them. [ laughter ] and it's a funny thing. i try to get into the snow thing. so i'm snowboarding, right? i have two sons in college and they snowboard. i'm doing okay as long as we are doing the leaf, you go down the hill and go this way and this way. and my sons, they're doing all the s turns, when you turn your back to the hill. they are like, dad, try it and i said okay, i'm going too fast and a turned and got scared, leaned back, and caught an edge. i was in the air for so long, i actually had time to say damn this is going to hurt!
this is really going to hurt! i had that kind of time. [ cheers and applause ] you before in the air that long and you figure out, what is the best way to do this? and i hit the ground harder than i had before. and my son skied up on me! ed on the break, which threw more snow on me. now i'm drowning. all i wanted was to get the snowboard off. i'm done. and i click it off. and nobody is paying attention. but we are all standing there. and the snowboard is loose. it's going down the hill. and you know, we're black, so we're trying to act like it's not us. [ laughter and applause ] but this board is rolling down the hill. and, you know, kill a couple white kids. i didn't really -- and people are like, who did that? and we are at the bottom of the hill playing it off. and one of my sons brought his friend with him. and i'm looking for the boy. i can't find him.
a beautiful young kid, a rich chocolate skin and he wore all black on the ski trip. it was easy to find him. we looked up on the hill, he looked like a cave opening. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so it turned out to be a wise move for him to dress like that. you were able to find him. >> when you do jokes like that, well, it's okay. >> jimmy: you live in atlanta now. are you moving to chicago? i know you are doing a daytime talk show? >> i have a talk show coming out. >> jimmy: when is that starting? >> september. >> jimmy: will you be in oprah's studio in chicago? >> no, no. >> got your own? not that big of a show. you know, it's on nbc. it's going to be cool. we are going to be at the nbc studios. >> you're moving the whole family? >> yeah, we got to move. my wife just went out there to
move. she's up there now. she's not looking for a place to stay, we have that. she's looking for department stores. >> jimmy: shopping spots. >> that's all it's about, where she's going to spend the rest of the money. >> i see. you just had a big wind fall, i imagine, with this book and the huge success of the movie. dhauz [ cheers and applause ] how long was this on the best-seller list? >> 60-something weeks. i got to tell you the truth, man, when i wrote the book, my goal was i wanted the book to be number 7 on the best seller list. that way, it's three up from the bottom. that way, you cannot say, i barely made it. you have to talk to three other people about that. i wanted to be number seven. so it came out number one. then i said, if i can hold this position for three weeks, that will give me time to tell everybody i got the number one
book in the country. and it stayed number one for 40 weeks. [ cheers and applause ] >> did you want it to be a movie? >> i had no clue. people are always asking me that. >> i had no clue. i had no clue. you know, it's a self-help book. i'm at my book and sony offers to buy the book to turn it into a movie. i thought they were kidding. i said, i'm not coming out there to talk to y'all about that. it's a self-help book. and they flew to my ranch in dallas. and i was fishing, i don't care. i didn't care for the guy and i'm fishing and he's going, i will give you this much. and i was saying, no, i don't think you can turn a self-help book into a movie. he thought i was talking about the price. so he kept going up on the price. and i kept going, no, that's not it. then when i found out this was making him go higher, then well, hell, the book ain't for sale.
>> jimmy: steve harvey is here, his book is in paperback now. act like a lady, think like a man. we'll be right back. today, we stand against the tyranny of single mile credit cards. battle speech right? may i? [ horse neighs ] for too long, people have settled for single miles. with the capital one venture card, you'll earn double miles on every purchase, every day! [ visigoths cheer ] hawaii, here we come. [ alec ] so sign up today for a venture card at capitalone.com. and start earning double. [ all ] double miles! [ brays ] what's in your wallet? can you play games on that? not on the runway. no. [ male announcer ] when we all believe there are no limits... ♪ like they talked about [ male announcer ] ...we take our best shots, make our best moves, ♪ they will talk about us ♪ nothing can stop us
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>> jimmy: we're back. with steve harvey. we're just talking in the commercials about "family feud." you are having a lot of fun with that show. >> man, that is the best gig i have ever taken. >> jimmy: is it really? >> yeah, i got to talk with everyday people. >> jimmy: and their mothers and sisters. >> and grandmothers. and those people get on that show and say whatever is on their minds. they are trying to win 20 grand. they don't give a damn about their church or nothing. >> you have the talk show,
family feud, you do the radio show. and you've got well, the book obviously. you produce this movie. are you still doing stand-up? >> yes, but this is my last year. >> jimmy: this is your farewell tour? >> yeah, august 2nd is my last night. in las vegas at the mgm grand. >> that's your last show? >> yeah. you know, man, you got to make room in your life. god has been really good to me. you know what i'm saying? i have been doing stand-up half my life. i'm 55. i been telling jokes for 27 years. i got to make room for something else. the show is vegas is sold out, 12,000 seats gone. >> and that's it? >> yeah. but pay-per-view, august 2, you can see your boy in the comfort of your home with your drawers on. [ cheers and applause ] $19.99. and let me tell you, folks, nobody sees me for $19.
you can do it in your underwear. you can watch me, go urinate, come back, heat a ham sandwich. that's a great way to see me for the last time, almost naked. >> jimmy: but you'll miss doing stand-up. i feel this isn't really going to be your last time, i don't know why. >> yeah, i miss it. yeah, it's defined me. it's been everything i have been. none of these books, movie, none of it happens without that god-given gift, but i can't tour and do all these things. i got to let something go. i got a radio show. i can be funny. you'll have me on every six years. i'll be funny. i will squeeze in a couple things here and there. >> jimmy: i know you have a charity thing that you do on your ranch, is it every year? >> yeah, every father's day weekend, i bring 120 boys to my ranch from single-parent homes headed up by women on father's
day weekend. because they're fatherless. i hook them up. create mentors for these young boys. >> jimmy: what do you mean when you say "hook them up"? it's taken a weird turn. >> that did not sound very good. >> jimmy: the neverland ranch -- >> not that. >> you pair them up? >> i pair them up. yeah, as mentors. this is not going right, is it? >> no. >> and this is live. we can't cut into that. >> jimmy: that is a lot of people to have at your ranch. >> we have sponsors but we always have help. it takes a lot of money to pull this thing off every year, but we got to change the course of a lot of african-american boys because there are, of college-aged african american boys, there are more african american boys in prison than in college. and that's a huge disparity, a huge gap. and it's only because of lack of fathers. only lack of men role models.
because only a man can teach a boy to be a man. only a man can do that. you go to the put men in the boys' lives. >> jimmy: that is a great thing to do. [ applause ] great to see you. i hope it's not another six years before you come back. >> i'm going to come back again. this is fun. >> steve harvey, everybody. think like a man and act like a lady is the book. we'll be right back with dev patel. ♪ liquid plumr double impact...
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how you doing? >> good, great to be here. >> jimmy: you really blossomed into a grown man. >> i have trying to -- it's not filling in. >> jimmy: you look older. >> this is four weeks of growth. it really is. >> jimmy: don't even bother. count your bless, every day when you have to shave, it's no fun at all. >> i guess. >> jimmy: the last time you were here, as i recall, you revealed your hotel. you told everyone -- >> i thought i was going to get away from that. i gave away my room number, the hotel i was staying in, yeah. i was fresh off the boat. >> jimmy: would you like to do that again? >> okay, i'm in -- >> jimmy: you are in a hotel now? >> no, i have a local tv show on hbo.
so i'm a local hire now. >> so you're living here? >> for a little while. >> jimmy: what show? >> it's called "the newsroom." it's aaron sorkin's new show. >> jimmy: that is cool. you get to talk fast in the show? >> yeah, i play the geeky technological dude. and i have a blackberry and i had it three years and i just figured out how to use the e-mail on it. i'm really bad. i might as well be on "house." because it sounds like medical jargon. it's a new show and we are talking about politics and america and things like that and newt gingrich or whoever it is and -- >> jimmy: you don't know who the people are -- >> it's the best acting i have ever done. i try to sound like i know what i'm talking about. >> jimmy: your girlfriend, i hope is okay to say, your former co-star in "slumdog millionaire" freda pinto was here. [ applause ] >> i get a clap?
>> she's a very nice girl, beautiful girl. she mentioned that you were a terrible driver. are you driving? >> no, when i first came down. i am from the uk, that the accent. and i said to my agent, i need a car. for this tv show, i need to drive to work. and my agency very kindly got me a camaro. and we don't have those in the uk. it's a big boat of a thing. it was convertible, red, with orange seats and stripes. it looks angry. it's not good for a skinny indian guy. and i rented this apartment that had no furniture, and i went to ikea. so you have this dude driving to
ikea and i got my furniture sticking out of it. >> are you a licensed driver here? >> yeah, listen, i have not doing anything illegal i hope. i have a uk license. >> jimmy: you do? >> i hope that is fine. it's international, right? i'm okay to be driving. >> jimmy: i think you can drive if you are visiting. >> i'm going to go behind -- >> jimmy: i don't know. technically, you are living here now? >> kind of. i'm not properly living here. it's like a vacation but i'm working. >> you see. so, yeah, you'll probably do time here. you ever been to prison? >> no, i have not. i hope not. >> jimmy: i hope you don't end up there. in the new movie, you ride a motorcycle, right? >> that is another bad transport story. yeah, it was great because i'm doing this movie and they're look, you're going to learn how to ride a motorcycle.
and i thought, this is great. i'm going to look cool finally. and it's weird, because some of it is shot in the uk. and in the uk, it takes a week before you sit on a motorcycle. they are showing you where the put the fuel and all that stuff. and i only had the day. and when i got to india, it's like, okay, that's right. and they had two circus performers and i got thrown on the bike and they are going wheelies and standing on it. anyway, i picked it up, in the end. and it's a massive scene, in the movie, i'm doing this -- dame judy bench, tom wilkerson, amazing veteran actors, and i have to drive into this courtyard with my chick on the back. and i slide in and do this big emotional speech. and i got a bit too confident. i drove in and fell over. she was fine. she fell on her bum and bounced back up. but the bike landed on me and judi dench is going, ah!
it waso embarrassing. >> jimmy: you almost killed judi dench. >> i was like a girl, i screamed on camera like a girl. >> jimmy: did anyone get hurt? >> i had a scrape. it's funny because we had this indian doctor on set and he was always at craft services. he was never on set when you needed him. he was the greatest guy. and i slashed my hand when that happened. fox is going to kill me. and we couldn't find him. and i ran to craft services and i know where he is going to be. he is eating and i'm like, i think i need a tetanus shot. i've cut my hand. and he's like, dennis? he just didn't understand what i was saying to him. he is the worst doctor ever and that evening he came and gave me a jab on my bum. >> what? he gave you a jab on your bum.