tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 12, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PDT
"jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- johnny depp. rebecca romijn. and cooking with steve martorano. with cleto and the cletones. and now, what do you know? here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for coming tonight. i happen to know for a fact that
a lot of you are really -- are primarily here for the air-conditioning. but that's okay. [ laughter ] it's too hot. and i have to say, i hate to point fingers, but i blame the sun. i really do. [ laughter ] you know, if we leave now, we could snuff it out while it's sleeping. [ laughter ] it was over 100 degrees at guillermo's house this week. was that terrible, guillermo? >> it was not too bad. >> jimmy: not too bad? [ cheers and applause ] did you put something -- is there something in those underpants? besides the obvious. [ laughter ] you did not stuff your underpants? >> yeah, i did. >> jimmy: you did. what did you -- what did you put in there? >> a small towel. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a small towel.
let's have that destroyed, okay? you have cute knees, guillermo. there's not enough talk about your knees. >> thank you. i work out. >> jimmy: go change back into your regular clothes, will you? >> all right. >> jimmy: very good. it was so hot in l.a. today you could cook a tofu-based cruelty-free egg substitute on the sidewalk. [ laughter ] six half-marathon runners were hospitalized yesterday for running in 100 degree heat. they were rushed to a mental hospital. [ laughter ] on saturday phoenix had its fourth hottest day in 110 years since records have been kept. the high was 119 degrees. the low was 91. 119 to 91. that's not a temperature range. it's a basketball score. [ laughter ] one of our local news channels in l.a. was at a youth swimming club in la mirada. watch this as reporter hal eisner learns the extreme importance of the words get set. >> members of the la mirada armada swim team.
wait for everybody to take off. on your mark, go. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. on the count of three, everyone. three. i feel sorry for his wife, actually. [ laughter ] we have a lot going on tonight. rebecca romijn is with us. [ cheers and applause ] we're actually going to make mozzarella cheese with steve martorano. and the great johnny depp is here. [ cheers and applause ] as if it wasn't hot enough already, right, ladies? you know, starting last friday here in california, same-sex couples were legally allowed to get married.çó [ cheers and applause ] now, same-sex couples become no-sex couples like the rest of us. [ laughter ] but there's a group called the family research council that's very unhappy about this. they're very much against gay marriage. and they organized a prayer event yesterday.
this is how they advertised it. this is real. "on our knees for america." and of course that little guy, he's definitely praying, right? there's no other way to interpret that. [ laughter ] you notice here in red it says "i'm in." [ laughter ] they were going to go with just the tip but they decided "i'm in." this is a story from russia. a reporter for the russia today network with a very unrussian name, tom barton, was covering a protest in turkey. it was a dangerous situation but it earned him the distinction of being named tonight's recipient of our award for excellence in reporting. ♪ >> here come the police to break up another night of protests here in ankara. and here's the water cannon just coming in as well. it's not known whether these protests -- it's not known whether these protests -- >> jimmy: it won't ever be
known. [ applause ] this is a weird story. you don't hear about innovations in the funeral business much, but carl eggleston, he owns the oliver & eggleston funeral establishment in farmville, virginia. just added a drive-thru to his funeral home. you drive up to the window, view the body, and then drive to the next window to pick up your fries. i don't know exactly. there really is. there's a special window on the side of the funeral home where they'll put an open casket so you can pay loved ones the same kind of respect you'd pay an egg mcmuffin. [ laughter ] it's a great way to say i care but not enough to get out of my car. the problem with funeral drive-thrus is half the time you go they put the wrong dead relative in the window. [ laughter ] the owner said he is trying to keep up with the times. which makes sense because
drive-thru food is probably what killed a lot of these people. [ laughter ] some things are unnecessary. hey, good news, the lord gifted us with a new episode of "the bachelorette" tonight here on abc. bachelorette desiree. have you been following her? [ cheers and applause ] she traveled all the way to barcelona, where she whittled down her stable of suitors from eight to five. she is now out of nicks completely and down to the very last zack. i'm not sure why, but on one of the group dates tonight all the guys were inexplicably dressed alike. >> tonight, on the most dramatic episode of "the bachelorette" yet, desiree has to decide which guy in a hoodie she wants to spend the rest of her life with. will it be the guy in the gray one, the blue one, the red one, the green one, the plum one, the striped one, the darker gray one, with the weird towel thing around his neck, the darker blue one, or the invisible one? an all new "bachelorette," only on abc. >> jimmy: it looks so much like
a field trip to american apparel. desiree hit a real home run tonight. she's getting ready for her one-on-one date with a guy named drew. she's talking about how great she thinks drew is. and in doing so gave us this nugget of reality show gold. >> he's so romantic, and passionate about romance. >> jimmy: romantic about romance. and passionate about passion too. [ laughter ] apple has just applied for a new trademark that has a lot of people talking. in japan apple's seeking the copyright of a phrase iwatch which has people speculating apple is seeking a patent on a new wristwatch. at this point apple should trademark the letter i. apple hasn't commented on the iwatch rumors but some people say this could revolutionize the way we ignore each other in elevators. [ laughter ] lyrics in rap songs, well, you
know what they can be. they can be filthy and ridiculous. and sometimes i wonder, when i'm thinking of rappers, what do their mothers think? what do the women who gave birth to these songwriters think of the songs they write? are they mad? are they embarrassed? they want to wash their mouths out with soap? maybe they love it. i don't know. to find out we contacted a very popular hip-hop artist named big sean and we asked his mom to read some of his actual lyrics aloud. and, well, here is that now. ♪ >> i'm big sean's mother. this is his song "dance." ass, ass, ass, ass, ass. ass, ass, ass, ass, ass. ass, ass, ass. ass, ass ass ass ass ass. stop. now make that [ bleep ] hammer time. that's my boy. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: remarkable. we need to take a break. i have errands to run. but when we come back, we're going to see some pedestrians in bikinis, plus johnny depp, rebecca romijn, and we're going to make cheese. that's right. with steve martorano. [ cheers and applause ] ,, [ male announcer ] this is the age of knowing what you're made of. why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss
because no mouthwash works like listerine®. its unique formula penetrates the layers of bacteria in your mouth deeper than any other mouthwash. for a cleaner, healthier mouth: #1 dentist recommended listerine®... power to your mouth™. #1 dentist recommended listerine®... all this produce from walmart and secretly served it up in the heart of peach country. it's a fresh-over. we want you to eat some peaches and tell us what you think. they're really juicy. it must have just come from the farm. this right here is ideal for me. walmart works directly with growers to get you the best quality produce they've ever had. what would you do if i told you all this produce is from walmart? wow! is it really? (laughter)
find fresh peaches and all your quality produce. backed by our 100% money back guarantee. walmart. same grin, same walk. and the same beautiful hair. nice 'n easy. in one step get expert highlights and lowlights. for color they may just think you were born with. i'm a lucky guy. with nice 'n easy, get the most natural shade of you. [ male announcer ] fight pepperoni heartburn and pepperoni breath fast with tums freshers. concentrated relief that goes to work in seconds and freshens breath. tums freshers. ♪ tum...tum...tum...tum... tums! ♪ fast heartburn relief and minty fresh breath.
rebecca romijn, steve martorano, and johnny depp are back stage playing scattegories, or something. but before we get to them i want to take a moment to congratulate jessica simpson and her fiance, eric johnson, who welcomed another child into the world yesterday. jessica simpson gives birth about once every 2 1/2 months. [ laughter ] this one is a boy, and she named that boy ace knut johnson. that's right. ace knut. [ laughter ] did she have a baby or a sled dog? i'm not sure. [ cheers and applause ] apparently, the middle name knut came from the kid's great grandfather, knut johnson. and they do pronounce the k. ace, i don't know where that came from. maybe a bandage. but doesn't it seem like all the celebrities in hollywood are playing some kind of crazy baby name poker that we're not aware of? okay, mariah, i see your macadamia cannon, i'll raise you an ace knut. now, let's go weather vane, we've got to pick up kansas and noodle. [ laughter ]
ace knut. although it's hard to find fault with jessica simpson after seeing this next guy. this guy is 33 years old. he's from nashville. his name is orlando shaw. and he's currently being sued by 14 different women for unpaid child support for his 22 children. the local cbs news in nashville caught up with orlando and asked him a great question, one that i myself have asked of mr. flavor flav. >> let me ask you this. it's a lot of kids, and i don't want to put you on the spot but can you name them all? >> yeah, i can name them all. >> give it a shot. >> do you really want me to do this? >> can you name a few of them? you said 17. >> all my boys' name is orlando. one of my boy's name is quashawn. one is qualandro. orlandril. ornisha. you get what i'm saying? i can name them. >> jimmy: i like all of those names. i'm having a hard time picking a favorite. i've narrowed it down to orlandril and quarlando. i think i'll go with quarlando. you know "star wars" and all that?
you know, the other thing is it's the first of july and to me summer is officially upon us, and to welcome summer we went out onto hollywood boulevard to ask pedestrians if they're ready for bikini season. you know, you have to be ready for bikini season. we turned it into a game. you're going to see someone introduce him or herself, and then together we are all going to guess if they believe they're bikini ready. all right? are you ready? okay. let's begin. >> i'm from here, los angeles. >> maribel, are you ready for bikini season? >> is maribel ready for bikini season? let's find out. >> yes, i'm ready! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i think she might have that on backwards. maybe there's a little towel in there. i don't know. all right. next up. >> michael segovia from south texas, edinburgh. >> michael, are you ready for bikini season? >> jimmy: do we believe michael is ready for bikini season? [ applause ] all right.
>> yes! >> courteous. next up? >> my name is alexandra, and i'm from switzerland. >> alexandra, are you ready for bikini season? >> jimmy: she's here from switzerland. i don't know how things go over there. but let's find out. >> [ speaking foreign language ]. >> half bikini. next. >> my name is ray lawrence. i'm from the san francisco bay area. >> little larry, are you ready for bikini season? >> jimmy: nice. are we really that excited? >> oh, yeah! i'm ready. >> show us what you got, baby. show us what you got. [ applause ] >> jimmy: all right. i'll have trouble getting that one out of my mind. >> lisa from australia. >> lisa, are you ready for bikini season?
>> jimmy: is lisa ready for bikini season? yes? >> no. >> jimmy: you're sure? >> yes. >> jimmy: positive? >> positive. >> jimmy: all right. >> jimmy: i think we have one more. let's see who we have. >> john. i'm from london. >> john, are you ready for bikini season? >> jimmy: i don't know. is john who does not seem like he's from london at all. is he ready for bikini season? >> who needs a bikini? drink it in, ladies. >> jimmy: challenging stereotypes. we have a great show. rebecca romijn is here. we're going to make mozzarella with steve martorano. and we'll be right back with johnny depp! ,,
♪ ♪ this is the car that loves to have fun ♪ ♪ mile after mile, to and from ♪ now there are four for all to use ♪ ♪ tell the neighbors, friends, everyone the news ♪ ♪ and let's hum, hum, hum, hum ♪ let's hum ♪ a prius for everyone ♪ [ male announcer ] now get 0% apr financing for 60 months on the prius liftback, the number 1 selling hybrid. with plenty in stock, you can drive one home today. ♪ a prius for everyone you can drive one home today. olive garden's 2 for $25 is back. unlimited salad and breadsticks. two appetizers to share. then choose two summer entrees. like new tuscan garlic chicken. 3 courses, 2 people just $25. go olive garden! >> jimmy: tonight on our
finest is here to show you how to make mozzarella cheese. his book/memoir is called "yo cuz" and this spring he has a new restaurant opens at the paris in las vegas. steve martorano is here. tomorrow night the lone ranger himself, armie hammer will join us. adam carolla will be here. we'll have music from ciara. and then wednesday michael c. hall, miranda cosgrove, and music from z.z. ward. join us then. our first guest tonight needs no introduction but since i'm here i'm going to give him one anyway. he is one of the biggest movie stars ever who has taken it upon himself to reintroduce the word "kemosabe" to a new generation in "the lone ranger" which opens in theaters wednesday. please welcome johnny depp! [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing?
>> i'm good. >> jimmy: i know you're shy, and i would imagine this kind of a reaction is probably disturbing. but i want you to know that this morning when i got to work there was a line of women, and i said what are these people all doing here? they certainly weren't here for me. but they were waiting for you to come tonight. >> relatives. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: relatives? >> yep. i have a lot of relatives. yeah. and they stretch so far. >> jimmy: you have this very handsome -- let's just be honest and say beautiful face. [ cheers ] >> thank you, man. [ cheers ] i'm done. i'm done. >> jimmy: i've lost my train of
thought. [ cheers ] that's more kissing than i did in all of high school. >> me too. >> jimmy: i don't believe that. is that true? >> true. >> jimmy: really? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: you were not popular in high school with the girls or talk show hosts? [ laughter ] >> no. i do have a thing for talk show hosts. >> jimmy: well, sure. who doesn't? >> obviously. but no, no. in high school i was not -- no. i was kind of the long-haired -- >> jimmy: so they were maybe intimidated or just like you were a scum-bag or a loser or something like that? >> that's pretty much it. >> jimmy: when you moved out here to l.a., you came to be a musician, right? you were not necessarily planning to be an actor. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and that -- did you make money as a musician? is that something that you -- >> no.
>> jimmy: -- did professionally? >> yes. but you don't make money. >> jimmy: you don't make money. did you live with the other guys in the band? >> yeah. for a bit, yeah. and then i was -- i was able to find my own place. which i had for a while. and then i was evicted. >> jimmy: oh, you were? for what? >> well. >> jimmy: narrow it down to the top five reasons. >> it's probably a few reasons. number one, i don't think they liked me. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. but i couldn't pay my rent. >> jimmy: well, that is a negative when you're a renter. >> that's a really bad negative. >> jimmy: that's the one that's probably at the top of the list for them. >> indeed. >> jimmy: that and fire. >> prior to -- yeah. >> jimmy: are your kids impressed by you and what you do for a living, or is it just second nature to them? >> well, they're -- i mean, they're incredibly supportive. but they do realize that the majority of characters that i
kind of swallowed or sponged came from playing barbie. >> jimmy: from barbie? >> yeah. >> jimmy: with them? >> and g.i. joes. >> jimmy: g.i. joe. >> equal opportunity, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i got you. >> you know what i mean. >> jimmy: wow, i didn't realize the supreme court decision would have such an immediate impact on -- on both of us, really. [ cheers and applause ] the reason i ask this is because your daughter -- >> i do want to say something, though. >> jimmy: yes. >> i played more barbies. >> jimmy: you played more barbie than g.i. joe. your daughter, with whom i presume you played these barbies, tweeted this photograph. and this is -- you with the band one direction. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: how did this happen? >> i don't recall that at all. [ laughter ]
no, it's not true. i will tell you. my daughter was -- she's a great fan of one direction, and she asked if she could go to see them on the -- i think the "ellen" show or something like that. >> jimmy: right. okay. >> so i hooked it up. >> jimmy: that's a nice chit to have as a dad. really. >> i arranged for her to go and see them on the show. and then they wanted to come back and say hi. >> jimmy: to your house? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, wow. wow. that's a hell of a -- that's really hooking it up. [ laughter ] i mean, yeah. so then one direction went with your daughter back to your house? >> you seem somewhat jealous. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no one ever comes to my house. >> well, wait.
you seem freaked out. >> jimmy: it does seem -- it's not even just one person. you got a whole group of guys to come to your -- of handsome young men to come to your house. >> is there something wrong with that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. there's nothing wrong with it. i'll just say it doesn't happen for me. i would be lucky if i could get the guys from 98 degrees to come to my house. you don't know who they are, do you? >> i have no idea. >> jimmy: who was your music idol when you were your daughter's age? >> i mean, i had so many. but i mean -- >> jimmy: is there one that you met? >> well, growing up, you know, starting in bands when i was a young kid, i was very lucky to play with iggy pop. >> jimmy: that's a good one. >> and i was 17 years old, and i adored iggy.
he was one of my heroes. and i didn't just want to meet him under the circumstances of like hi, how are you? he would forget me immediately. i thought i'll make an impression. >> jimmy: oh. okay. always a good idea. >> exactly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did you do? >> bad move. so i started -- we did two shows with him. we opened for him. and he was wandering around this bar that we played with him at. and i started screaming obscenities. at him. >> jimmy: at him? >> yeah. because i thought i would like my reaction from him to be quite different than -- and it was. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: it was. did he enjoy your take on that? >> i'm not sure he enjoyed it. i'm not sure i enjoyed it. [ laughter ] but he did walk up to me like as close as he could possibly get without exchanging dna and looked me straight in the eye with these unwavering eyes that said, "you little turd." >> jimmy: well, it's not exactly one direction, but it's pretty good. [ applause ] >> by the way, i was completely happy. >> jimmy: oh, sure. that's a story. a handshake is nothing. >> i got him. love ya. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. johnny depp is here. his new movie is called "the lone ranger." we'll be right back.
made with 100% angus beef... and just a dash of democracy. ball park franks. so american you can taste it. but lately she's been coming in with less gray than usual. what's she up to? the new root touch-up by nice'n easy has the most shade choices, designed to match even salon color in just 10 minutes. with the new root touch-up, all they see is you. because no mouthwash works like listerine®. its unique formula penetrates the layers of bacteria in your mouth deeper than any other mouthwash. for a cleaner, healthier mouth: #1 dentist recommended listerine®... power to your mouth™. this is kate. she likes a man with a little hair on his chest.
but definitely not on his back. this is hannah. she likes a guy with a smooth stomach to show off his six-pack. [ ding! ] and this is genesis. she likes men completely hairless and, no, she doesn't think that's weird. i don't. the proglide styler. trim, shave and edge. the one tool you need to get the look she wants. the night is yours. gillette. the best a man can get. we asked stephanie to beta test one. stephanie: it's got some really cool new features, like blinkfeed, where i can see everything i care about on one screen. htc zoe is pretty amazing. my favorite part is taking a bunch of photos and video and combining them into one image. check it out, the sound on this thing? booming. this is bad news for my old phone.
vo: beta tested, blue shirt approved. get your htc one on sprint now for $99.99 and save even more when you trade in any working phone. only at best buy. [ slap! ] [ male announcer ] your favorite foods fighting you? fight back fast with tums. calcium-rich tums starts working so fast you'll forget you had heartburn. ♪ tum tum tum tum tums
and the ones you love. >> you want me to wear a mask? >> the men you seek think you are dead, kemosabe. better to stay that way. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: johnny depp, everyone. "the lone ranger." now, you are -- you play tonto in the movie. by the way, i love this tonto. i love the way you play tonto. and the movie is very funny, which i don't think i expected it to be. i thought, you know, western and -- but it is very funny. and armie hammer's character is very funny, too. >> indeed. >> jimmy: kind of an idiot. [ laughter ] >> the whole point. the whole point. >> jimmy: i read that you were adopted into the comanche tribe. specifically by a woman. how did that happen? >> we were doing the film, and
there was a great woman who was a long-time activist and just a wonderful -- >> jimmy: what is her name? >> ladonna harris. >> jimmy: okay. >> she's my comanche mother. and she decided that she wanted to adopt me into the comanche -- >> jimmy: is it legal to adopt an adult man? [ laughter ] wow. and so did she ask you -- >> well, kidnapping and adoption is legal. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so how does it happen? do you guys go down to the dmv together? or what is the process like? >> you know, because it's the comanche, we bypass the dmv. >> jimmy: you were able to -- >> really? a government agency? great. >> jimmy: yeah. you skip the government agency. you do it on the reservation or -- >> yeah. no, i was just adopted, you know, into their culture, their nation. and it was --
>> jimmy: did her actual sons -- does she have family of her own? did they know they were getting a new brother? >> they did. some of them didn't know exactly who their brother or cousin would be. >> jimmy: and it turned out to be you. they must have been surprised. >> some were happy. [ laughter ] some were happy. >> jimmy: were any of them unhappy? >> some were happy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, that's focusing on the positive. the movie came out great. it's great to see you. thank you for all the sweet kisses on the face. i appreciate it. johnny depp, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] "the lone ranger" opens in theaters wednesday. we'll be back with rebecca romijn. ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, letting you know that bud light is putting on a music festival in every state, they call it 50/50, have you heard about this guillermo? >> yes, jimmy, in fact my band is playing in it. >> you were in a band? >> yes. >> what band are you in? >> it is called stomach inferno. >> jimmy: oh, stomach inferno. >> and here are some of my albums. >> jimmy: well, let's look at them. oh, yeah, it looks familiar.
uh-huh. wow, look at that. oh, that is -- what year was this? >> in the '80s. >> jimmy: in the '80s? >> yes, looks great. >> jimmy: oh, and what is this? >> this is my latest album, jimmy, called -- >> jimmy: i'll be sure to buy a turn table and listen to all of this very soon. >> rock on, jimmy. and to all of my fans, don't ever stop rocking! >> check out the live stream on august first, visit budlight.com/musicfirst. ly. like our new blackened sirloin with the green goddess wedge salad or lemon shrimp fettuccine and seasonal berry spinach salad. ohh, the garlic rosemary chicken pasta... [ male announcer ] woah, woah, chef? you had us at two seasonal favorites starting at $10.99. really? fist bump. [ male announcer ] nice! applebee's new take two menu. two seasonal favorites, one amazing plate. starting at just $10.99.
see you tomorrow. and late night for half-priced apps. with venus and olay. olay moisture bars help lock in moisture for less dryness while five blades get venus close. revealing smooth. and goddess skin begins. only from venus and olay. revealing smooth. and goddess skin begins. and after nine years of working at walmart, i know savings. and right now we've got everything you need for a great summer. this 5-piece dining set on clearance, save over $49! marco! polo!
and these op swim separates, on rollback you save over 20%. this nook hd's on rollback. you save $40. great for summer reading. coolers on rollback. sunscreen on rollback. and these towels on rollback. so soft. get more summer for your money at walmart's super summer savings event going on right now at your local walmart. causing dark marks to become visible. dove has the effective solution. dove® cleartone™ anti-perspirant with calendula and sunflower seed extracts. it moisturizes to help accelerate natural skin renewal processes helping skin to repair itself while still keeping you dry. the result? underarms with visibly reduced dark marks and an even tone. try dove cleartone for beautiful underarms. ♪ ♪
♪ [ female announcer ] delta touch2o technology for your kitchen and bathroom. precisely in tune with every touch. see what delta can do. that hasn't been cleared yet. ♪ uh! i just want to celebrate [ male announcer ] every time you say no to a cigarette you celebrate a little win. nicorette gum helps calm your cravings and makes you less irritable. double your chances of quitting. [ john ] nope. [ tires squeal ] twelve bucks a night! no. they have waterbeds. ew. no! are we near a gas station? [ phone beeps] [ phone ] no. is that from the mini bar?
[ both ] no. is that a cop? no. [ cop ] do you know how fast you were going? no. eighty-seven [ groans ] he's right. is that oscar mayer? [ karen] yes! [ male announcer ] in a world filled with "no", it's nice to finally say "yes". oscar mayer selects deli meat, no artificial preservatives and gluten free. it's yes food. it's oscar mayer. ♪music plays ♪music plays ♪music plays
>> jimmy: we're back. steve martorano will be with us. our next guest is a former x-woman, which makes her a woman i think. her brand new show is called "king & maxwell." it airs monday nights on tnt. please -- i'm still flustered from the kisses. please say hello to rebecca romijn. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ rebecca, i'll be honest.
given the choice of making out with one of the guests tonight, i would have picked you. >> really? >> jimmy: yes. definitely. >> this 13-year-old girl inside of you isn't freaking out like the 13-year-old girl inside of me? >> jimmy: is the 13-year-old girl inside of you freaking out right now? >> a little bit. >> jimmy: because it's all right here if you want some of it. >> tell me. is this a beautiful face? >> jimmy: you do have a beautiful face. [ cheers and applause ] all right. but i'm not kissing steve when he comes out here. how are you? everything all right? >> everything's pretty good, yeah. >> jimmy: your show is like a classic -- like the kind of private eye show that we grew up with. you and i. >> yeah. it's "king & maxwell." it's a little bit of a throwback. we're private investigators. we're disgraced secret service agents turned private investigators. but it's got like this "moonlighting" vibe. so it's less about the case and more about the people working on
the case. >> jimmy: i miss private eyes. what happened -- >> it's a nice throwback. >> jimmy: yeah, really. >> i love it. >> jimmy: it's set in washington, d.c., but you shoot it in vancouver. >> yes. in vancouver. vancouver covers for d.c. and we've been up there since march. >> jimmy: do you like it there? >> i love it. vancouver's a fantastic city. it's gorgeous. it is a rainforest. it rains a lot. >> jimmy: i love it there too. >> and when we started in march it was still very cold. it was like 35 degrees every day. and i got sick soon as i got up there. so my first three days of filming i had this really bad cold. and we were shooting the finale of our first episode first, which is always fun to do. and i had to tackle this russian mobster on a sidewalk. and i had this terrible cold. and as i jump on top of him and i'm straddling him and i'm hovering over his face, i see this drop of snot fall from my nose on his face. >> jimmy: how did he react to that?
>> well, he was polite about it. he sort of -- you know, there was a little bit of a moment. but the thing that happened to me was i actually flashed back on the fact this is not the first time that i've done this. >> jimmy: really? >> i have also snotted on al pacino's face. >> jimmy: did you tell him that? >> well, i thought he's in good company. ten years ago i did a movie with al pacino and i had a very bad cold and a drop of snot fell out of my nose. and it wasn't like he could ignore it. [ laughter ] he reacted to it. >> jimmy: oh, no. did he get angry? >> no, he didn't. they broke us for lunch right after that happened. so then i had to like sit with myself mortified for an hour. i was so embarrassed. i went back to set and i said, "mr. pacino, i am so sorry. that is the worst thing that could have happened. i promise that will never happen again." and he said, "don't be silly. i loved it."
>> jimmy: that's great. >> and i kind of believe him. i actually was like, you know, i think he's kind of into that. now i'm realizing this is like my signature thing. this is what i do. >> jimmy: post-nasal drip. >> that's what i bring to the table. i'm really good at it. i'm going to add it to my resume and, you know -- >> jimmy: you have to go with your strengths. i've always said that. >> some actresses are really good at crying on command. like okay. which eye in how many tears? i can snot on command. i will do it to anybody. >> jimmy: specialty. >> i'll get you in the right position, i'll do it to you if you want. >> jimmy: next show. next time you're here. well's, it's great if you have not seen it.
mat>> jimmy: we're back. steve martorano will be with us. our next guest is a former -- you tell me the correct way to pronounce. >> mozzarella. like an italian song. >> jimmy: exactly, is this something you make every night at the restaurant explosive. >> exactly, i buy it every night, it was not as good as i thought it could be. every time i wanted to make it, nobody would tell me. it was like a big secret. i found out it is not that difficult. you can make this in six minutes. you will never have cold mozzarella again, i swear to god. >> jimmy: when you get it at the supermarket it's got like -- >> softball. don't. forget it. don't even go there.
don't go there. >> jimmy: so what do we have here? this is -- >> this is curd. >> jimmy: where do you get curd? >> it comes from a cow. but -- it comes from a cow. but you've got to go to an italian deli. you won't be able to go to a supermarket, cuz. you won't be able to get that. the idea is to melt that curd. that's how you make mozzarella. >> jimmy: let's do that. >> you're going to take this. get your knife first. cut it in little pieces. try to get it at like the same -- no, cuz. pick it up. pick it up. like your mother would do. get a piece. get a piece of this. >> jimmy: my mother went to the supermarket and bought it. >> you want to cut it in little pieces like me. you want to do this. in the restaurant i've got a thing called a guitar. it's a piece of metal with ropes -- like metal ropes. >> jimmy: you play music. >> no. you push it in it and if it's all the same size. if it's all the same size it's going to melt evenly. >> jimmy: i see. try to keep the pieces the same size. all right. mine are not the same size. >> you're good, cuz. we've got hot water. 180 degrees. >> jimmy: exactly. >> 180. what you want to do is cover
this. you cover yours. >> jimmy: all right. >> you forgot this. what's the matter with you? >> jimmy: i don't know. i was doing -- >> go ahead. you got that. >> jimmy: okay. >> here we go. 14 ounces. we've got 14 ounces. 7 ounces per person works great but we're going to make two balls. we're going to make it two different ways. plain mozzarella with a little extra virgin olive oil. but then we're going to stuff it. i think i invented it. >> jimmy: where? who? >> in the restaurant. >> jimmy: oh. >> we'll stuff it with tomato and prosciutto. now you've got to give me some hot water. got your gloves on? got yourself a wooden spoon. now, what do you want to do? we've got to wait till it melts. all we've got to do is wait till it melts. that's what i'm saying. it's real simple. but you need salt. now just say you can't have salt. >> jimmy: my doctor says i can't have salt. >> really? you can't have salt?
>> jimmy: yeah. i can't have salt. >> what are you going to do now? it's got to have flavor. >> jimmy: my doctor didn't say anything. i just said it because you told me to say it. >> i love you. i love you. >> jimmy: i'll eat that whole bowl of salt. >> kosher salt. >> jimmy: okay. >> for every seven ounces two teaspoons. so we're going to go four. one, due, tre, quatro. i'm going to do the same thing. one, two, three, four. again, if you can't have salt, forget about it, don't use it. now, this thing is melted. so what -- you ever watch these guys, they get this mozzarella, cuz, and they stretch it? >> jimmy: yeah. >> if you're doing 15, 20 pounds i get it. we've got seven ounces. so we really ain't got to work this thing. we've got to treat this thing with love and respect, this food. so keep bringing it toward you like i'm doing. just bring it. and what's happening, cuz, it's cooking. it's cooking the curd, right? look at this. how long's it been? 30 seconds? look at this.
do you see this? it's starting to turn into mozzarella. just keep -- yeah. you feel those lumps? >> jimmy: yeah. >> those lumps got to go away. so you want to just keep turning it and turning it. >> jimmy: my doctor said i can't have any lumps either. [ laughter ] >> i've got to find you a new doctor. [ laughter ] okay. now pick it up with your hands. >> jimmy: okay. >> and just pull it just a little bit and fold it. cuz, look at yours. yours is better than mine. >> jimmy: that's what they say. [ cheers and applause ] >> okay. >> jimmy: like a ball? >> snip it. >> jimmy: with what? >> with your fingers. >> jimmy: oh, all right. all right. >> okay. now watch. watch. watch. i'm going to take it over here, put it down over here. put yours. >> jimmy: look at that. that's a ball of cheese right there, guillermo. >> five minutes. now watch.
you get a little more kosher salt, a little more. you get the best extra virgin olive oil. >> jimmy: okay. >> you could do anything with this. you want to cut a piece and taste this. because after this we're going to do stuffed. real quick. >> jimmy: real quick. guillermo, come up here for a second. i want you to try something. oh, my gosh. >> even like a little burrata inside. >> jimmy: it's like the best thing you could ever eat, right? >> cuz, it's the truth. it's that good. don't ever eat cold mozzarella again. send it back. it's like a -- >> jimmy: we'll stab you if we have to. [ applause ] >> now, this is so simple. watch. he's got this. >> jimmy: oh, my god, that's good. isn't that good, guillermo? >> that's great. >> you want to do this too? all right. watch. real simple. grab a piece of prosciutto. you know what prosciutto is, cuchi? >> yes. i eat better.