tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 11, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PDT
>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- david spade. from "project runway," tim gunn. and live witness news. and music from preservation hall jazz band. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. very nice. thank you. thank you, cleto. thank you, thank you for
watching. [ cheers and applause ] i am jimmy kimmel. this is the show. and we have a real, we have a great show for you tonight. we are going to start. we have great music from preservation hall jazz band tonight. the very funny david spade is here. and, for the first time, since we have been on tim gunn is here from "project runway." which i am excited about. i am going to admit something, make of it what you will, i have seen almost every episode of "project runway" which is weird. i have no interest in fashion. i don't know what season i am. i don't know what my color chart is. i am a cool winter or soft spring. i don't know. but i like that show because i like tim gunn. he makes it work for me. and i also like, i like the idea of the show. they give a team of designers, a limited amount of materials. and they challenge them to make something out of it. once they gave everyone, they gave them $100 and send them to the supermarket had them make
outfits out of food. one of them made their dress out of bananas. this was long before lady gaga was wearing meat. and so, it's fun to watch these talented designers being resourceful and creative. so, since tim is here tonight. i thought it might be fun to issue a similar challenge to untalented designers. so what we did is -- we picked three couples from our studio audience tonight. and they are standing here, what are your names? where are you from? let's go through one at a time. >> we are david and valerie from new york city. >> reporter: david and valerie from new york. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you guys? >> we're from miami, florida. >> jimmy: from miami. >> pete and rose from new jersey. >> jimmy: pete and rose. >> pete and rose. >> jimmy: charlie and hustle here. do any of you have any
background in fashion or se seamstress work or anything. you are under oath. >> no. >> jimmy: tonight we have fabric, glue, chicken wire, we have got, everything. we are going to have each couple design an outfit for your spouse. okay. one of you will design an outfit for the other one. when tim gunn comes out later. he will judge. one of you will be -- i don't know, carted off to an insane asylum or something. okay. you have 30 minutes. go into the workroom. get going. all right. go ahead. guillermo, lead them right that way out the door. they're going to make an outfit. in 30 minutes. [ cheers and applause ] this is going to be a mess is what it is going to be. tomorrow we are bringing in a group of 6-year-olds and doing the same things but with ipads. they will make it. in new york last night former congressman anthony weiner the first candidate to concede in his bid to become the democratic candidate for mayor.
not sure who won the election all i know is anthony weiner lost he got less than 5% of the vote and came in fifth. that is a shame. got to be something else he can run for. i have 3,000 more weiner jokes. maybe i can get him on dancing with the stars. he is a strange guy. in his concession speech last night was weird >> sometimes people would come up, wrap their arms around me, pull me close, whisper in my ear, take my hand, and they would say don't quit. well there was never any quilt in this campaign. i'm sure she has seen it plenty of times before. but -- i think maybe we have gone too far with the never quit thing. we get down on quitters. some times okay to quit. some times recommended. hypothetically you are a married guy running for mayor after being busted for sexting, you apologize and promise never to do it again, you are still doing it with a woman who hopes to be a porn star one day.
quit, the thing to do is quilt. go home try to avoid making eye contact with your wife. you know, while losing the election was bad news for anthony weiner, it was great news for carlos danger. carlos danger, which is his name, you know, just opened, four new j-date accounts. now that everybody knows he goes by carlos danger online he is going to need a new screen name. a lot of free time. thought we may do him a favor. help hem coim cup up with the n one. i had the props department make wheels, first names and last names, guillermo, give those a spin and get this guy a new screen name here. now do the last name. last name too. >> can't go through life with just a first name only, unless you are madonna. or guillermo. fernando passionpanlts. fernando passionpants. we'll go with passionpants.
>> i -- i saw -- a story yesterday about some one i would very much look to meet. her name is jote amgay, made her first trip to celebrate status as shortest woman in the world. >> how are you doing? >> fine. >> she is a little lady with a big smile and personality to match. believe it or not this young woman is 20 years old. standing just 2 feet and 1/2 inch weighing 12 pound in the guinness world record book as the world's shortest woman. she can't walk great distances so i took turns with the family friend to help her get around town on her first-ever visit to new york city. >> i love new york. >> jimmy: oh, my! now she is even shorter.
[ applause ] >> jimmy: a new study on behavior while driving has revealed some interesting information about the different ways men and women act behind the wheel. most notably they found that women are more likely to flip people off than men. on the road. i guess that makes sense. when carrie underwood, sanings taking a bat to her boyfriend's truck. it's okay. kevin chesney, gets a restraining order. women are more likely to curse when their children are in the car with them. why are female drivers more inclined to use profanity in front of their kids? hey, can we bring that mom in? here. yeah. hi there. hi, hi. just want to ask you a quick question. thank you for being here. >> thank you. you are welcome. >> why isment moth mothers curst of their kids. >> cover your ears. >> because we are the ones [ bleep ] driving all over the
place when our husband are at work all [ bleep ] day long. >> jimmy: that makes sense, i guess. >> jimmy: you know, i know the kids have their earplugs, you didn't have to bring the kids out. >> oh, so you think i am going to [ bleep ] pay a babysitter [ bleep ] $25 an hour, so you can [ bleep ] do your show, go [ bleep ] your self, mr. money bags. >> come on. come on! >> jimmy: baby's ears. someone need a bubble bath. moms in person are a fun combination. you don't want to hear your mom rapping, one of the reasons, we'll rely heavily on bad word. so from team to time, we asked the mothers of famous rappers to recite the lyrics to their children's songs. we did this with wiz khaliffa's mom, big sean's mom, and now the
woman who birthed t.i. >> hi, i am t.i.'s mom and lyrics from bring em out. ♪ i got rich and i'm still on hooligan [ bleep ] you be rapping about blow i was moving this [ bleep ] talking about shooting out and i was doing this [ bleep ] if i hit you in the face you going to be suing this [ bleep ] i don't know that one. ♪ >> jimmy: we are going to take a break. when we come back we have a special edition of why witness news from fashion week in new york. plus david spade, tim gunn and preservation hall, all on the way! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ >> jimmy: we've also got david spade, tim gunn, and music from preservation hall jazz band. are here tonight and ready to do things. we have our audience members, you saw working hard on their outfits backstage. we will reveal the outfits later. first new york fashion week is coming to a close. if you are not familiar with fashion week, just like shark week, instead of eating, the sharks are in this case, models, smoke cigarettes and have sex with adam levine. fashion week is the annual week when the fashion community gets together to play a huge practical joke on the women of america with the outfits. these are all real clothes designers showed off this week. you can see this woman, looks like -- a sample. and we have some kind of bride of franken stein with the joker.
it is crazy stuff. i assume i don't get it. people know about fashion. and i don't. the way people appreciate opera or ballet. we need to test this. sent a crew to lincoln center. the run way shows are asked. we had them ask fashion fans and professionals in the in industry coming out of shows, about variety of designers and styles we made up. though it was impossible for the people to have heard about these designers because these designers do not exist, they gave us their opinions on them anyway. in a special new york fashion week edition of lie witness news. >> are you interested in the designers do you follow designers? >> i do, very much so. i love fashion. any type of inspiration i can get to put into my own styling
is what i love to, to come and see. so -- >> who do you look to see? >> right now, i love milan briton. and monique luvie. >> joe isuzu? >> good silhouettes. >> vehicular kind of style, right? >> uh-huh. >> ricardo montebaulm? >> didn't see that. >> meadowlark lemon? >> yes, cool. >> what do you like about that? >> more like my style, i like it. >> george castanza. >> yeah. >> no. >> do you like his clothes? >> yeah. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> what about it do you like? >> i like more of his style. don't say i would buy his clothes. for short people, right.
what about eddie munster. >> good astesthetic. >> corina chow? >> great. the thing about asian style, very unique. >> a lot of the people still coming up right? willie lohman. >> i just saw something from willie lohman, a couple weeks ago. just learned about him. i am not that familiar to know exactly what direction he goes into. but what i saw was very nice. >> let's talk about some of the more controversial things that have happened during the show. this is a men's collection. models are sent down, the runway with watermelons on their heads. >> it's called fashion, look it up. >> you didn't seep this? >> i saw this. >> you saw this? >> yeah. >> what did you think when you saw this, the men coming down the runway. >> with watermelon. >> yeah. >> thinking this is part of his
concept of the design. i don't mind that too. i don't mind seeing that. >> maybe he did that because he wants attention on the suit. >> on the suit? >> yeah. >> maybe, right, covering up the faces. >> yes. >> yes. >> bringing it. >> all abut fashiout fashion. >> fashion courts controversy. some people said they went too far this time. they put if you can see that is dog poop on the model's head. >> oh, gross. >> you didn't hear abut this either? >> no. the fact that i couldn't see the dog poop shows she is a good model. because, until you put it -- pointed it out. she looks great. what is wrong with this. and you were look the dog poop on her head. >> some things that have gone on at fashion week. don't know you heard about. christian louboutin uniboot, one boot for two feet. have you heard about this? >> christian louboutin, one of my favorite shoes design. yeah, all about that. >> you heard of that? >> i don't know it is fashion, a trend.
i might try it. sound really stupid. i don't know how can tie work it. >> have you heard about the uniboot? >> yeah. >> what do you think about this? >> again one of the things you have to be a certain kind of person and have a certain kind of look to do. >> would you wear the uniboot? >> i would wear it. >> think you could pull it off? >> absolutely could pull it off. >> can you hop? >> i can hop very well. ♪ ♪ >> that was a hop, actually. probably i can't wear that. yeah. i could try it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right tonight on the show, tim gunn, preservation hall jazz band. and we'll be right back with david spade. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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fascinating history of everything in your closet." the impeccable tim gunn is here. he cannot be pecked. and then -- with music from this album called "that's it!" all the way from new orleans, preservation hall jazz band from the sony stage. tomorrow night, jake gyllenhaal will be with us, as will dianna agron, and we'll have music from the weekend. join us tomorrow. our first guest is a very funny man who counts among his friends both chris and kid rock. he has a lot of range. you can see him live in the flesh at the venetian in las vegas october 4th and 5th and at the king center in melbourne florida october 17th, please welcome david spade. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: thank you for coming on short notice. you, you filled in for us tonight. >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: appreciate it. >> glad that rob snyder doesn't pick up blocked calls. what happened was -- >> jimmy: is that true he doesn't? >> i don't know for sure. i unblock mine. but it was queen latifah. nice woman. i am going to get some queen latifah fans tuning in tonight. that's the way i look at it. why not? >> jimmy: a very positive way of looking at it. >> they're like this, mm -- yeah, so i have had, interrupted one thing. i was going to go -- to the iphone store today. prescription you were, why? >> everything sound so stupid. >> jimmy: why today? >> to get in line. >> jimmy: to get in line. i don't cut.
i'm not that guy. >> jimmy: how long have you been using the iphone? >> really joe blackberry. >> jimmy: why? >> it's taken me a while, i made the switch. it was disaster. i can't type on it. first when i buy it, you know when you go in there and they sell it to you it is so great then they give you applecare, that's where it is like $250 for, if anything happens. i go why don't you tell me for an hour, how great it, the last two minutes what a piece of [ bleep ] it is and it's going to break. like literally. you know, this is the best, 80-inch tv. you want a warranty it's for sure going to break. it's made of glass, dude, what do you think? >> jimmy: you raise an interesting point. >> i get this. but when i was using it. blackberry doesn't do this. you say a sentence. it finishes it. guesses it. >> jimmy: blackberry doesn't do
it? >> like the flintstones, you sketch it in it. i get this. i tried to write this girl. went out with her, it went sideways on me, per usual. and the next day, that's actually the better story. [ cheers and applause ] no. no. so dumb. so, i, i write. sorry for my bad form. right? you know the term, bad form. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so it says, sorry for my tiny weiner. >> jimmy: siri, probably jealous. >> i think the iphone did that. sometime tie i do pictures like that, they're logged in. it guesses. >> jimmy: it learned. >> by the way, those aren't getting out. i mean i till yell you if you a chris brown and you have got a hog, those pictures get out. like, oh, my gosh he is a picture of my huge driftwood is
on the internet. i'm freaking out. i'm like, yeah, you did it. they're always someone cracked my code and my laptop. i go, dude i can't open my own laptop, you know what i mean i am not going to bust into someone else's. what's my code, how do i e-mail some one. i lost it. broke in already. out on every website. no one with the tiny weiner gets leaked. you notice that? you would see some scrambling then. people would be a little more worried. >> jimmy: combination of two thing. on one hand, well you probably just, wouldn't want to photograph it in the first place, right? >> no. here is another idea. this is a million i shouldn't say this. a million dollar idea for me and you. it's the app to make your weiner look bigger in the picture. it's not a bad idea. pump it up, looks like extra plasma down there. >> jimmy: and puts all their
photos into question. why could you include me in that like we had been showering together or something? >> i am trying to make you so much money. i know you don't need any. >> jimmy: i mentioned las vegas. i grew up in las vegas. do you like it there? >> that's a sort of nice area, yeah. the best i can do. you know, it's -- nice that square mile. the rest of it, the tumbleweeds. but i grew up in arizona, i get it. i get it. i was there last time. yeah, 100th show at the venetian, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. 100th show. >> the 100th show was a lot like the 20th by the way. i go out there like a robot. dogs are funny, blah, blah, blah. put me anywhere. i do my act. but it was really fun. if it's great there. i am doing it again. but sometimes, we, we like in the day there is not much to do. you can go to the pool where
they have like a club. you know. i don't know if you know this. you might not be out there all the time. i am out of the mix. when i go there the day club is like a nightclub. the day used to rest from the hangover. now it is just an -- ♪ ♪ -- these are songs by the way. i thought there was something. an alarm. and, you know someone is like this is our song. some young couple. and so -- i'm there doing like, you know, you wanted tequila. $1,200. i will pass at 9:00 a.m. so i went golfing. i go golfing. a pro golfer there. going to sit like this for a little bit. adjust everything. this guy wanted to go out with me and oliver hudson, in rules of engagement, one of my buddies. nice guy, married, kids. straight, super cool. and i realized, i mean like straight like it's not, and i'm like this guy i guess. people talk to me different. found out for sure, pro golfer
is playing with us he drifts back to oliver. he goes you got three kids. i got three little ones. blah, blah, blah. what schools do you go to? literally walks up, hey, i got a hand job behind the snack job over there, two years ta ago. swear to god. he goes, yeah, yeah, you should go over there. i'm like, it might happen again. then he goes we were so wasted. we always get so wasted. all right, you are cool, dude. i get it. now i'm the waisted guy. i get like i'm the -- >> jimmy: hand job guy, yeah. >> those are coming back huge. >> jimmy: david spade is here. [ berman ] applebee's 2 for $20 menu is one app and two entrees for only 20 bucks. only the best make their 2 for $20 menu, like the new honey pepper grill entrees.
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now get a 2013 nissan leaf for $199 a month. ♪ >> jimmy: we are back with david spade, tim gunn and preservation jazz band. david, you are working on an hour long stand-up special. where are you going to do the show? >> in vegas. it's been fun out there. doing it a lot. a lot of funny things about vegas. >> jimmy: do it behind the guard
shack. >> the snack shack. renamed the hand job shack. >> jimmy: do you get nervous? >> i do, because the material is iffy. and they're going to, they wanted to call it a special anymore. a legal problem. like a sort of special-special. so, we'll trim that. >> jimmy: we'll work it all out. >> when i did a gig, a show for the president -- back when bush was in. and they asked me to do that. that i got nervous because -- it was -- i didn't think i would. when it gets closer and closer. he is in there. in the ford theater. when someone got picked off. remember who that was. maybe lincoln. >> ford possibly. >> lincoln, possibly. not hear for my brains, excuse me. all this, the grille. so i went there and i had to do like -- 8:00 right. the president is 20 feeten fr i
front of you. brief you. vet you. give us your jokes. took 7:00 out. all the al qaeda stuff. i go that's funny! but nothing could be anything weird or, al is look why did you get me, i am the biggest idiot. so, my easiest stuff. i go to do it. they open the back door to let in the ban, me, someone else. and freezing. i'm shacky a shacky. the guy comes in. probably shouldn't tell you this. probably shouldn't have. there is always going to be a sniper scope on you wheel you perform. why? why? why? he goes, well, and, you know -- you probably won't. but, if you attack the president, or you make sudden moves. i'm like -- very relaxing. i go, yeah. that wasn't the plan. but all right. all right.
i am going to do my act and go. don't worry about it. and then -- and so i start doing my act. then i am like walking over here. just acting like a lama, not going toward the guy. and just like -- trying to be so delicate. i don't want to get killed. i don't want to go, ha-ha -- doof-doof. >> jimmy: you killed. you can see david, david is live again. show 1 0 1. >> something look that. >> las vegas, october 4, 5. at king center in melbourne, florida. what number show is that? >> number one. >> jimmy: october 17th. david spade, everybody! we are right back!
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unassailable authority on style who shares his yoda-like wisdom wisdom with the rumpled, crocs-wearing masses in "tim gunn's fashion bible," now in paperback, no hard-covers after labor day. from "project runway," please welcome tim gunn! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> i have to till you, this is so surreal. such a fan of the show. we are just meeting, i am a jimmy kimmel virgin. >> jimmy: get ready to be deflowered. >> speaking of deflowered. i love your piece on fashion week. >> jimmy: did you? >> i love it. sign off on it. yes, a crazy circus. >> jimmy: i have to say when i look at the stuff. i go there is something, you see modern art, there is splatters of paint on a canvas. something i don't understand. >> go with your viscera, if it
says this is a bunch of nonsense, it is. >> jimmy: way to go. >> you can rationalize it and think of narratives to possibly defend it, your viscera says it is nonsense. >> jimmy: looks like nonsense. it is probably nonsense. >> some great look in the piece. >> jimmy: i like that you have a very practical look at this stuff. clothes need to on project runway, i watch all the time. you need to be able to wear them. >> i say to the designers. don't care what you create as long as your model can get into a taxi wearing it. we may have off to put the sunroof up. she can get into a taxi. what is it, you can't go up and down stairs or sit. wearable art i don't believe it. >> jimmy: things bother you. flip-flops bother you? >> ooh. >> jimmy: i feel the same way. i don't care for them. i can't keep them on my feet.
>> on the beach sure. pool side. sure. city streets, are you crazy. >> jimmy: unacceptable. >> when you think of city streets, flotsom, and all around, gum, who knows what? we dough know what, i won't say. do you want your feet exposed? in the rain in the city? no. really. i mean it's, it's a bit like, wearing flip-flops in the ganges. i wouldn't do it. [ applause ] >> it's true. >> jimmy: i will say, not defending this item. but this is something that is very practical. and is useful, but also, horrible as a fannypack. >> oh. >> jimmy: what do you think abut thabut -- abut that? i understand the practicality, if you are in certain circumstances, all utilitarian, it is perfectly fine.
if you are actually going out trying to make a fashion statement it is going to be the fashion statement antidote, cancel everything out. >> jimmy: you are making a statement. i am at disneyland from wisconsin right now? right? >> no disrespect to disneyland or wisconsin. >> jimmy: nonresponsive for sure. this book gives you kind of a history of fashion. >> yes. >> jimmy: where these things cam from very interesting. >> the book i wanted to write since i was made chairman of the fashion department in parsons in 2000. there was no fashion history program at the time. i was intent on having a good one. when i started assembling texts they were snooze fests put you to sleep. i wanted to write my antidote to all of that. and it, it, this is the paperback. just come out. hard back came out a year ago. tells the history of fashion by what is in your closet. >> jimmy: where did ties come
from, when did we decide this is what we should wear? >> we have to thank bo bremmel. >> jimmy: i have heard the name. i've don't know. >> this crazy, plumed dandy. he is responsible for the looks we have on right now. he took the french xaj raexagge sill wehouettes and plumage ande and all of these feminine details that were in men's clothes and he stripped it all bare. in this case, a big, scarf, lace. he minimized it. we have him to thank for this. >> jimmy: a strange thing. i wonder if wea will wear ties until the ail yliens come and w us out or kill each other. look how great you look. >> jimmy: thank you. my dad if there is one thing, he never, watches the show every night.
the one thing he krilt sicritic does not like when my sleeves do not show beyond the cuff of the jacket. today is a perfect example they're not close. they're way, is that a bad thing? >> a matter of taste in a manner of speaking. i, get frustrated. mine are too long. >> you have almost the opposite of what i have. >> just put ourselves together. >> decent compromise. >> i have a solution, buy a shirt sleeve one inch longer. it helps. have to tell you something, your dad giving you notes about your shirt sleeves. he and my mother must have been spiritually connected. every episode of project runway. she is calling, 10, 10:30, 11:00 at night. i can't believe you wore the tie. i can't believe you wore the shirt with that suit. i can't believe no one told you your collar was standing up. unbelievable. then i have to tell you, she has passed. i miss her. but her last thanksgiving, went home for thanksgiving, little tiny family assembled i walk
into her house. she looks me up and done as though she has never seen me before. speaking of aliens. has she lost it. what is the matter. she crosses her arms and says i wish you would dress more like mitt romney. mitt romney? where is that coming from. always had to have the last word. >> jimmy: fantastic. >> mitt romney. >> jimmy: we have asked some audience members to go in the back room. gave them fabric all this stuff. >> i know. i am so excited. >> jimmy: couple number one come on out. >> fantastic! >> jimmy: from new york. wow, wow. couple number two, ron and felicia from miami, florida. come on out, juan and felicia.
[ cheers and applause ] finally, i find it hard to believe these guys did this themselves. pete and rose from new jersey. pete and rose. oh, pete is the model here. all right. [ cheers and applause ] rose, how do you describe this look that you have created for pete? >> ah. i have no word. >> i do. >> jimmy: how would you describe it? >> exuberant gender bending. >> jimmy: you may have broken gender's spine there. tim, take a look at our contestants. tell us which designer do you think did the best job here. i know who i think did the best job. >> yeah? >> i think, well couple number one. i can't believe what they did.
pretty amazing. >> gemjimmy, with you 1,000%. david, valerie. sophisticated. playful. innovative. you did it in 30 minutes. well you would be the winners of "project runway." >> jimmy: couple number two did a nice job as well. >> they did. >> i don't know about the leather apron that she has got there. congratulations to dave did and valerie. for winning the contest you get a copy of tim gunn avenue fashion bible and $40 gift certificate to ross dress for less. >> i love it. >> jimmy: thank you very much, tim. tim gunn everyone. we'll be right back with preservation hall jazz band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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