tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC June 14, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
that is our report. we appreciate your time. i'm dan ashley. >> i'm ama daetz. for larry and sandhya and all of us thanks for >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- will arnett, from "always be my maybe," ali wong. and music from king calaway. and now, pace yourselves, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. those who've been with us during our nba pregame special in prime time for game 5 of the nba finals between the raptors and the warriors. in the history of the nba finals no team has ever come back from a 3-1 hole to win against an opponent to eats round bacon. and that was -- [ laughter ]
the warriors' fas k tonight. much of the focus today was on whether kevin durant would be able to play in the game. coach steve kerr said durant is either going to play or he's not. and he was right. [ laughter ] he did play. how the game turned out we don't know yet because we shoot our show at 5:00 in l.a. and the game starts at 6:00 in l.a. even though the game is not in l.a. it's in toronto. why they say in l.a. makes no -- it's all very confusing. but you'll get it figured out for us, right, guillermo? >> guillermo: right, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you very much. [ laughter ] meanwhile i don't know if this has anything to do with the raptors but this is very odd. last night justin bieber tweeted "i want to challenge tom cruise to fight in the octagon. tom, if you don't take this fight, you're scared and you will never live it down. who is willing to put on the fight? @danawhite." who runs the ufc. the raptors go up 3-1, all of a sudden every canadian thinks he's mike tyson. [ laughter ] but starting a fight on twitter
totally randomly with a celebrity. who does justin bieber think he is, president of the united states? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i would like to see it, though. i would pay to see it. that would be some fight. top gun versus man bun. [ laughter ] tom cruise barely -- has no interest in fighting justin bieber. which i guess he's never listened to any of his music. but the big question is why is this happening? if this was a stunt, tom cruise would have done it himself. but why would justin bieber challenge tom cruise to fight? i've been working to get to the bottom of this. i have a theory. and that theory is this. maybe he's upset about the time a few years ago when tom cruise stole his haircut. [ laughter ] or i actually have another theory with what might be going on but we have to go all the way back to 2012 to go through it. in march of 2012 justin bieber and tom cruise were both nominees at the nickelodeon kid's choice awards. justin had just won favorite male singer for the second year
in a row and he's feeling pretty good about himself. and tom cruise was nominated for favorite butt kicker. this was the category for his role in the fourth "mission impossible" movie. tom lost that award to taylor lautner from "twilight." and then moments later this happened to justin bieber. he got slimed. so bieber gets covered in goop. he looks out in the crowd. and who does he see? lieutenant mitchell. laughing at him. [ applause ] imagine that. you're covered in this industrial waste and this cocky movie star who just lost the butt kicking award to the prettiest werewolf on "twilight" is grinning at you with those perfect white teeth. you might want to fight him to. but you can't because you're 9 years old. [ laughter ] now it's seven years later and here we are. the biebs wants a piece of tom cruise. this truly is the dumbest time to be alive. [ laughter ] you want to know what i think is really going on? i'll tell you. i'll give you my honest theory. i think last night justin bieber
got drunk -- well, that's it. that's what i think happened. [ applause ] speaking of dumb, here's our daily doozy from donald trump. he was up early retweeting himself today. he wrote, "if president obama made the deals that i've made both at the border and for the economy the corrupt media would be hailing them as incredible and a national holiday would be immediately declared with me despite our record setting economy and all that i have done no credit." maybe the reason he can't get credit is because you've declared bankruptcy six times. you know? he is so out of it. [ applause ] he is so desperately insecure. you think if we just gave him a national holiday he would relax? i mean, let's try. let's call it trumpsgiving and align it with whatever day the mcrib comes back every year. and see what happens. trump is also mad at "the new york times" for their coverage of his deal or no deal with
mexico. this morning he wrote, "when will the failing new york times admit that their front page story on the new mexico deal at the border is a fraud and nothing more than a badly reported hit job on me, something that has been going on since the first day i announced for the presidency? sick journalism." i don't know if it's sick journalism or sick journalism! [ laughter ] trump is upset because the "times" reported that mexico's concession on border security was not because of his tariff threat but it was actually the result of months of preparation by his staff. and trump was like, that is fake news, my staff is never prepared. [ laughter ] the "times" says the deal trump claims he made was actually made months ago. but trump now says there's a secret agreement with mexico that nobody knows about. not even him. [ laughter ] the funniest thing is this is "the new york times." i don't think trump's base would have had any awareness of this story if he hadn't brought it
up. it's like texting everyone in your phone, please don't look at this picture of my pants falling down, which is attached. [ laughter ] there was another weird story out of the white house today. an oak tree that was given to trump by french president emmanuel macron, there they are pretending to plant it together. this was a gift that was intended to symbolize the friendship between our countries. has died. it committed suicide. [ laughter ] it hung itself from a person. it was really -- [ laughter ] this is the spot where the tree was looks like now. it's just a yellow spot. it's actually right where they buried sean spicer. it's in a -- there's been no official comment from the white house or the department of agriculture, which actually runs the white house lawn. but make no mistake. that tree is as dead as the eyes of the trump children. [ applause ] this is something i'd like to
see eric and ivanka and djtj take part in. this week we invite you our viewers to participate in what has become an annual tradition. our father's day youtube challenge. our challenge this year is based on another viral video trend. that trend being this. yeah. a lot of kids got hit by cheese, and now it's pay-back time. our challenge for 2019 is record yourself throwing a piece of cheese onto your dad's face and then post it to youtube with the title "hey jimmy kimmel i threw cheese on my dad's face." be creative but be careful. don't run dad over with a wheel of cheese. a slice is nice. right on the face. we have a long history with these challenges. one year we asked kids to spray their dads with a hose. >> hey, dad. >> oh! [ bleep ]. what are you doing? stop!
>> son of a! >> why are you doing this? >> jimmy: all right. this was a little easier to pull off. again, we want you to cheese your dad, post that video to youtube with the title hey jimmy kimmel i threw cheese on my dad's face. that way we can find it. and then look for a message on youtube from us. we'll put our favorite videos on the show just after father's day. oh, back to basketball. i mentioned tonight toronto, nba finals, game 5. the raptors are the first canadian team ever to play in the final. and they're beloved by not just a city but a nation of very loyal fans. or are they loyal fans? we do not know. we wanted to put their loyalty to the test. so we sent a crew to toronto with a game plan. we told raptors fans who were walking by that we were shooting promos for the nba finals for abc.
and we asked them to do a favor for us. and the favor was put on a warriors jersey and pretend you're rooting for golden state. >> are you excited about the raptors being in the finals? >> yes, of course. who isn't? >> excited about the raptors being in the finals? >> oh, yeah, it's going to be the fun game. >> big raptors fan? >> yeah. we're north! >> what do you like about the raptors? >> everything. the spirit, the fans, the people. >> i think we're doing great. we're going to take this thing. >> it's canada's team. you know, we're all behind them. the whole country. no one else can say that. >> i love the raptors because they kind of identify, you know, canadian roots. work hard. good team. play together. >> we're shooting some promos for abc. >> yes. >> i'm going to throw you a basketball. just catch the basketball, look in the camera and say watch the raptors on abc. think you can do that? >> yes. >> here we go. three, two, one. >> watch the raptors on abc. >> i love my raptors on abc. >> watch the raptors only on abc. >> i hate to ask you this.
we're supposed to fly to california to get other side of this but not going to be able to fly out there. any chance i can get you just to like throw a warriors -- >> you want me to put a golden state warriors jersey on? >> yeah. just to give me the promo. >> i can't do it, you'll have to find somebody else. >> you'll have to find someone else. >> all you have to do is -- >> no way. you're not getting me to say that. i'm raptors only. i'm not putting that jersey on. >> throw this on right over that. that's perfect. thanks, bud. that's perfect. that color actually goes better with your eyes. can i get you to pop that off, throw a warriors thing on? >> yeah. >> that would be great. trade that one for this one. here you go. put that on. go ahead and zip that up, cover up that raptors stuff. >> tell no one. >> you're going to make a lost enemies. >> i know. don't tell anyone. this is why i said keep your mouth shut. >> i love my warriors on abc. >> what do you love about the warriors? >> steph curry. >> how important is loyalty to you? >> loyalty's everything. you can't be a flip-flopper.
you can't just jump on a bandwagon team. your team, that's it for life. once you choose your team and you're with them. you're a part of them. >> one more time. go warriors. >> go warriors. >> what do you like about the warriors? >> wilt chamberlain used to play for them. so you know, i like the warriors. >> swaggy team. got a lot of energy. >> how long have you been a warriors fan? >> not overly long. e the craptors. >> that's horrible. >> you're going to get people angry. >> yeah. >> get these guys out of here. they don't belong here. >> you're getting these construction workers angry. >> watch the raptors on abc. we the north. >> watch the warriors on abc! we the south. >> say stick to hockey, canada. >> stick to hockey, canada. >> leave the basketball to america. >> leave the basketball to america. >> america rules. >> america rules.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, everyone, for being so ridiculously nice. tonight on the show we've got music from king calaway. ali wong is here. we'll be right back with will arnett. abc's jimmy kimmel live brought to you by allstate. ou? oh, hey jeff, i'm a car thief... what?! i'm here to steal your car because, well, that's my job. what? what?? what?! (laughing) what?? what?! what?! [crash] what?! haha, it happens. and if you've got cut-rate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. so get allstate... and be better protected from mayhem... like me. ♪ to complement a sandwich. ♪ the all-new frenchie, a combination of all-natural salami and capicola,
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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to our show. tonight, she has a new movie on netflix called "always be my maybe." the very funny ali wong is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] and then this is their self-titled e.p., king calaway from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] later this week we have new shows with among many others tom hanks, pamela adlon, and music from coffee. so please be with us. by the way, guillermo and i were at a wedding together this
weekend. on saturday night our dear friend and co-worker max got married to his beautiful bride nora and guillermo and his wife were invited to the wedding. and it was a beautiful wedding. correct? >> guillermo: yeah, it was wonderful. >> jimmy: you had fun, guillermo? >> guillermo: i did. i had a lot of fun. >> jimmy: guillermo had so much fun that in fact in the middle of the meal he said "all right, good night, i'm going to leave." and we're like what do you mean you're going to leave? the main course hasn't even arrived yet. and he said, "oh, i got invited to go see j. lo." [ laughter ] >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: we did our best to keep you there as long as possible. >> guillermo: yeah, like until 7:00, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: until 7:00. that's right. and he wanted to go home so he could change his pants. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: they were too tight. >> jimmy: and did you make it to j. lo on time? >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: what time did j. lo actually go on stage? >> guillermo: 8:45. >> jimmy: right. so you could have stayed at the wedding. >> guillermo: right.
but had i to change my pants. >> jimmy: our first guest tonight is a lifelong canadian and very funny man who bleeds toronto raptors red. which is just red, really. starting june 20th, he joins the crime series "riviera" which streams on sundance now. please welcome will arnett. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> man! i am psyched to be here. >> jimmy: what, have you been with the trump boys? what's going on? >> no, man. i've been busy. just doing my work stuff. >> jimmy: what kind of work stuff have you been doing? >> just been doing like meetings
and stuff. and a lot of -- just a lot of work-related -- i don't want to bore the audience with all my -- >> jimmy: your work-related stuff. >> i work outdoors a lot. >> jimmy: oh, you do? [ phone ] is your phone ringing? >> hang on one second. >> jimmy: okay. >> hey, man. good. i'm -- i'm just kind of in the middle of -- what time are you guys going to tee off? >> jimmy: are you making a tee time? >> no. i -- okay. and if i'm late they'll just run me up to the second tee. all right, man. get back to work. >> jimmy: who was that? >> just work. it was a work call. >> jimmy: it was a work call. [ laughter ] >> i've been working a lot. >> jimmy: well, it's funny you say that because i saw you decidedly not working at all at the raptors game. you were at game 2. >> i was at game 2. i like to every once in a while,
okay? excuse me. i like to take a little r&r time for myself. is that okay? >> jimmy: i'm not attacking you. i just noticed you -- >> i'm busy, in the business of show. i'm going here, i'm talking to this guy, i'm meeting, this i'm shooting this thing. i'm writing, ba, ba, ba, and i need a second to deflate. i'm going to go come up to the raptors game. okay. got to get a deep v. okay. >> jimmy: where do you find a golf shirt that's exactly the same color as your skin? [ laughter ] >> that's good. that's good. you know who doesn't like that, jimmy? my friends at adidas. [ laughter ] my new -- >> jimmy: are you working with them now? >> my new friends at adidas. >> jimmy: what brand sunglasses are those? i've not seen those since the '90s. >> do you really want to know? >> jimmy: yeah. i can't -- rawlings. oh, i see. the baseball glove company. >> yeah.
because listen, man. when i'm working, i'm going 110%. you know what you i mean? >> jimmy: yeah. >> so rawlings. they're the guys that get me there. the gang over at rawlings. >> jimmy: so you were at the game. >> i was at game 2 in toronto. >> jimmy: drake was at that game too. >> i guess. >> jimmy: yeah. because if you watched the tv coverage -- you didn't watch it because you were at the game. none of it was about drake. >> no. >> jimmy: it was all about you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: have you seen the game on tv yet? >> no, i don't watch -- >> jimmy: let me show you some of what you missed. yeah. ♪
>> announcer: where there's a will, there's a way. the nba finals. nothing but arnett. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. they couldn't get enough of you. >> i swear to god, i haven't been that moved in a long time. that was incredible. and you got a hell of a gang of guys who are -- and gals who are putting videos together and cutting stuff. and they're working overtime. and man, this is -- because a lot of people say jimmy's got a -- it's a rinky-dink operation. >> jimmy: people are saying that? [ laughter ] >> a lot of people. molly said that. >> jimmy: my wife? >> your wife. >> jimmy: she works here. >> i know. molly said that. theroux said that. justin theroux. the only guy who has worse skin tone than me. >> jimmy: by the way, what a boost for the v-neck t-shirt industry.
>> it's incredible. we really felt like we got left behind years ago over in the v-neck. >> jimmy: the v is for victory. >> yeah. duh. and i wore it because of the 75th of normandy, of d-day. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> take a second. >> jimmy: that's right. canadian troops as well. >> what do you mean as well? [ laughter ] first of all, how dare you "as well"? you as well. >> jimmy: you're right. >> you as well! we were there early. >> jimmy: were you? >> yes. canada was there early and the u.s. were like, maybe we'll plan a bombing on our own port that we knew about to get in to convince roosevelt. >> jimmy: i stand corrected. so you were toronto born and raised. are you a big raptors fan? >> the rappies are my team. >> jimmy: the rappies -- >> i love the rappies. >> jimmy: even though had you moved by the time they were there? did they come after you? >> moved -- i mean, what are you
-- i mean, look at this guy. da, da, da -- there's like a bean counter over here. i don't know who's moved when where, what. i mean, what does it matter? look, we're all where we're supposed to be. i love my rappies. what did i call them? rappers. >> jimmy: yeah, rappies. >> i love my rappies. and you know, hopefully they did well and they won tonight. we don't know. because this -- yeah, go ahead. >> jimmy: we don't know. where did they rank -- because i know you're a maple leafs fan. i know you're a blue jays fan. >> sure. >> jimmy: you're an argonauts fan, right? whatever the hell an argonaut is. >> it's a boat. >> jimmy: and a raptors fan. which team is first? >> i'm a leafs fan. i always have been. wendell clark is my guy. >> jimmy: he's your all-time favorite? >> he's my all-time favorite. number 17, which is my lucky number because it's his jersey number.
my son, my oldest son archie, was born on -- >> jimmy: there's archie. he was born on what? >> he was born on wendell clark's birthday. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> which is the greatest -- >> jimmy: oh, wow. well done, archie. >> look at this. >> jimmy: what is this? this is one of your golf balls? >> yeah. i don't know if your camera's high powered enough. look at that. >> jimmy: it does say 17. yeah. >> keep it. >> jimmy: thank you. >> give me that pen. >> jimmy: you're going to sign that for me? >> why not? >> jimmy: i don't know if it's going to work out. we'll get you a sharpie. >> is it two ms? >> jimmy: two ms and a y. >> to jimmy. >> jimmy: did you ever meet wendell clark? >> no. never meet your heroes. >> jimmy: is that right? >> that's why i'm cool with you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. i really appreciate that. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ur produ. at walmart, the success of your products
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i mean, to lose your father once is a shock. but twice. >> what do you mean? >> she told me you lost your dad years ago. >> you don't seem surprised. >> well, she's a tough cookie. sometimes you've got to pull down the shutters. this is a great tune. >> jimmy: that is will arnett in season 2 of "riviera." >> that's not me. >> jimmy: that was not you? >> that's not me. >> jimmy: well, why would we play that clip if that wasn't you? >> i don't know. that's not me. >> jimmy: well, it's about time you that spread your wings and got into dramatic acting. >> european dramatic acting. >> jimmy: european dramatic acting. >> agreed. >> jimmy: and sundance now, it's like that channel was made for you. is that a channel? >> that's a heck of a question. you know -- >> jimmy: the press release for
"riviera" says you join the second season of the show as charismatic uncle jeff. >> what makes you laugh about that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really the uncle jeff part. because every role is charismatic when you're in it. the uncle jeff -- [ applause ] >> this morning i was thinking about it. i had about 180 yards downhill. i mean, i was at work. [ laughter ] what are you talking about? you know, they told me uncle jeff, and i got there, this is a true story, and they had a trailer and stuff, uncle jeff. i said take that off. uncle jeff? baby jeff. >> jimmy: not uncle jeff. >> or handsome jeff. >> jimmy: lil' jeff. >> yeah, lil'. my youngest son abel is here. he claims his rapper name is lil jelly. which i liked. he had a great joke today.
he said what does fruit have on their tombstones? i said what? he said r.i.p.e. >> jimmy: wow. that is a good joke. [ applause ] >> that's a good joke. he's kind of your nemesis as you know. >> jimmy: we've had our battles. we've gone back and forth over who the real batman is. you claim to be lego batman. i was batman in "teen titans" movie. >> well, first of all, i don't claim to be. i am. >> jimmy: i'm the more current batman. >> that's not true. lego movie 2 came out after "teen titans." >> jimmy: for a while i was the most current batman. >> then as abel said you became the forgotten batman. >> jimmy: and now robert pattinson is batman. >> that's right. >> jimmy: do you get a special alert about that or do you find out like everyone else? >> you'd think -- i find out like everyone else.
>> jimmy: have you reached out to bob? to advise him. >> patty? >> jimmy: patty. whatever you guys call each other. to advise him on this. >> i haven't yet. i imagine the young fella's going to reach out to me. and he's going to want to know, you know, what do i do if i've got sort of 90 yards and it's mostly all carry across the water. >> jimmy: that's golf. it has nothing to do -- >> oh, for batman. >> jimmy: where are you going to watch the game tonight? what is the plan? >> the plan is i'm going to watch -- we're going to watch it at home. we're going to get a burger on our way home from here. i like to keep it real, jim. >> jimmy: do the kids root for the raptors or do they have their own -- >> i don't care. >> jimmy: -- team living here in l.a.? >> i've got them on a different channel. no, that's not true. archie roots -- he's rooting for the raptors. and abel roots for -- he's been a warriors fan since he was really little. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> i've got to say that segment
you did on canadians being, you know, switching allegiances, really i think that it says a lot -- that's maybe the most poignant thing i've ever seen on canada. and i'm not kidding. because it betrays a certain kindness and fellowship that canadians have. which is really kind and kind of sweet. we laugh about it, but it's a sweet thing. it's a sweet notion that they're willing to sell out their -- [ laughter ] just to be on tv. >> jimmy: their very blood to be on tv. tv is a powerful mistress. >> it's incredible, isn't it? >> jimmy: yeah, it is. >> it's so intoxicating. you've been drunk on it for years, jim. >> jimmy: thanks, uncle jeff. it's great to see you. will arnett. season 2 of "riviera" starts june 20th on sundance now. we'll be back with ali wong. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. still to come, king calaway. our next guest is a very funny actor, writer, and comedian with a couple of great stand-up specials under her frequently pregnant belt. next you can see her in the romantic comedy "always be my maybe." it's available now on netflix. please welcome ali wong. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you doing? >> good. >> jimmy: very good to have you here. >> it's so nice to be here. >> jimmy: i think most people probably know you primarily from your comedy specials. >> yes. >> jimmy: in both of which you were pregnant. >> i know. and people always ask me, are you going to be pregnant for every single stand-up special?
i'm like that's not a sustainable career strategy. what, am i going to get pregnant like eight times? >> jimmy: i don't know. that's up to you, i guess. it would be quite a hook. >> no. no more. >> jimmy: by the way, these are photographs from the specials. and they inspire people to start dressing up like you. >> yes. >> jimmy: these are just random people from instagram. [ laughter ] >> i know. it's so crazy. when it happened that first halloween and everybody dressed up in the striped dress, and it was crazy because all of these women said to me, thank you for giving us asian-american women finally an easy halloween costume. [ laughter ] they were like it's so nice to be able to -- look, olivia munn. >> jimmy: olivia munn dressing as you. >> they were like it's so nice to be able to not wear a wig, not have to buy a wig and just wear a striped dress from my
closet and shove for giving them a cheap costume. which is such an asian thing to be grateful for. [ laughter ] but yeah, i think that's one of the like -- i hate talking about representation because i get asked about it all the time and diversity. but i have to say that for me i think those costumes were kind of like a very unexpected delightful benefit of representation. >> jimmy: yeah. >> because halloween is one of those holidays that's so like joyous but it can be really stressful. you know, for little kids because they're like i have to get a wig because i need to be poison ivy. but like for them they were like this is so nice to just -- >> jimmy: i was a wolfman every year. because i never had a costume. and i put -- >> you felt represented. representation matters. >> jimmy: finally wolfmen have been represented. so what happened to that dress, that -- >> i still have it. but the smithsonian actually asked me to donate it. to the national museum of american history. >> jimmy: for real? >> for real real. yeah.
>> jimmy: and you gave it to them, right? >> i said no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? archie bunker -- fonzie's jacket is there. >> the dorothy and i sa because that dress is discontinued and i wanted to save it for my daughter. but then i had two. and there's only one of the dress. and i was like i don't want them to fight over the dress. and it would be an honor to have that dress be at that museum. >> jimmy: yeah. so is the dress now there? >> no. i have to -- i have to give it to them. and then they also have to wash it because there's all this probably like pregnant juice on it. [ laughter ] that juice was like $8 from h & m. it's so crazy. >> jimmy: well, you can buy them now at party city it sounds like. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, that's quite an honor to have something you wore in the smithsonian. >> it is. you know, and i think about -- when they asked me and i decided to give it to them, i think a lot about my dad because he -- you know, he grew up in this one-bedroom apartment in chinatown with no running water. and he worked his ass off to
study and become this anesthesiologist to provide the best life possible for me and my siblings. and even when i was struggling, he was so supportive. he would come to my [ bleep ] -- oh. >> jimmy: it's okay. >> he would come to my not so well-attended shows. [ laughter ] and when i -- i'd announce oh, my dad is here, everybody. after i did a really filthy joke. it was always really good to say and my dad is here. and then he would stand up and he would go like this. as if he had just won the indy 500 or like conquered mount everest. >> jimmy: and he didn't mind the dirty jokes? that was not something that bothered him? >> no, not at all. he was like super dirty himself. that's where i got it. >> jimmy: that's what you want in an anesthesiologist. [ laughter ] >> and then when he died i was still struggling. and i think about like, you
know, him seeing that costume at the smithsonian. he would probably be outside of that museum every day just being like -- >> jimmy: waving people in. that's pretty great. what a great thing to think about. and it would be nice if you did send that to them also. >> oh, yeah. i should -- >> jimmy: you probably should send that. [ laughter ] we mentioned you did some risque material. was your act always like that from the very beginning? >> oh, my god. it was even dirtier back in the day. one of my first jokes -- this is not that dirty. but i think one of my first jokes i was really proud of was you ever mix up the toothpaste with the ky jelly and wake up with an extra white butthole? that was one of my first jokes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's when dad would stand up? >> that's right. he would stand up. [ applause ] and then my closer would be i would like moon the audience. and it was like a really bad joke but it was basically an excuse to show the audience like my gaping butthole. i was really obsessed with butthole jokes. still am. but they're better now. and it was crazy because one of
the first paying gigs i ever got was for a wedding. it was this asian-american girl from san francisco. i had built this small cult following in san francisco. and this asian-american girl interested me to perform at her wedding. and she was getting married to this family who thought she was very demure, who assumed she was very demure and passive and sweet because she was asian. and then she basically like used me to show them that asian women aren't passive or demure. and then the grandmother was -- i'm doing my ky jelly jokes while they're eating their chicken breast. and the grandma, her grandmother-in-law was mortified. >> jimmy: did she speak to you, the grandmother? >> oh, she did. she told me that -- she was like you completely cheapened the wedding. and then i collected my $50 and left. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, that's probably why people don't hire comedians at weddings. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so this movie "always be my maybe," this is a movie
you co-wrote and co-star in with randall park. >> yes. a dear old friend. >> jimmy: your dear old friend. and who you worked with on -- >> "fresh off the boat." i wrote "fresh off the boat" for three seasons. >> jimmy: that's pretty great to start with. was it great to have that kind of relationship with him? >> i guess because we've been working together for so long i think those scenes -- those scenes where we make out, it's like -- yeah, we had to have a lot of talks about it. >> jimmy: yeah, you did. >> and we commit -- if you watch the movie, we committed to it. >> jimmy: you did commit to it. >> yeah. and what i say by committing to it, you see his tongue go in my mouth. really. >> jimmy: was that specifically discussed beforehand? >> no. >> jimmy: whether it would go in or not. [ laughter ] because that would be really the only question, is like you got -- you see that it's in the scene. >> i have to say i haven't -- one of the things he said to me beforehand, i was like, okay, are there any like boundaries or whatever? he was like just no pulling out parts.
i was like, what? you think -- i've known you for like 16 years. you think i'm -- this is a pg-13 movie. you think i'm going to reach my hand in there in front of the whole crew and grab the d out in front of everybody? come on now. yeah. >> jimmy: maybe he just wanted to make sure. and keanu reeves is an unbelievably funny cameo -- well, not cameo. more than a cameo. >> oh, my god. i still can't believe he did it. and we didn't know if he was going to show up to the premiere. >> jimmy: did you have other ideas of people in case -- >> of course we did. >> jimmy: but he did show up to the premiere. >> he showed up. well, first of all, he said yes to the movie, which is still crazy and i can't believe it. and then yeah, he showed up to the premiere. and he hadn't seen any of the other scenes in the movie. because he shot with us for four days. he only shot those scenes. and he hadn't seen any footage of the movie.
so we didn't know how he was going to react. and he happened to be sitting right behind me during the movie. and the whole time i could hear him go ha, ha! ha! ha, ha, ha, ha! ha ha! that sounds disingenuine. but if you spend time with keanu that's a laugh. >> jimmy: that's uproarious for keanu. well, congratulations on all of this. the movie is called "always be my maybe v maybe." it's on netflix now. ali wong, everybody. thanks for being here, ali. we'll be right back with king calaway. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to will arnett and ali wong. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time him. "nightline" is next. but first, here with the song "world for two," king calaway! ♪ ♪ sometimes i think this world's too much all the hurt all the
hate all it takes is a human touch ♪ ♪ it's so easy to get lost in the lie ♪ ♪ make a change make a choice all the noise we can drown it out ♪ ♪ meet me out where the stars turn blue come on touch the sky and enjoy the view ♪ ♪ so come here make it all disappear like lovers do ♪ ♪ girl for you i wish that i could build a world for two ♪ ♪ girl for you i wish that i could build a world for two ♪ ♪ ♪ kiss me like there's no one else for miles take it fast take it slow let it go for a little while ♪ ♪ heaven's so close to the both
of us for the rest of the night we can fly we can rise above ♪ ♪ meet me out where the stars turn blue come on touch the sky and enjoy the view ♪ ♪ so come here make it all disappear like lovers do ♪ ♪ girl for you i wish that i could build a world for two ♪ ♪ girl for you i wish that i could build a world for two ♪ ♪ ♪ girl for you i'd build a world for two i'd build a world ♪ ♪ girl for you i'd build a world
for two i'd build a world ♪ ♪ meet me out where the stars turn blue come on touch the sky and enjoy the view ♪ ♪ so come here make it all disappear like lovers do ♪ ♪ girl for you i wish that i could build a world for two ♪ ♪ meet me out where the stars turn blue come on touch the sky and enjoy the view ♪ ♪ so come here make it all disappear like lovers do ♪ ♪ girl for you i wish that i could build a world for two ♪ ♪ girl for you i wish that i could build a world for two ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
this is "nightline." tonight the perfect nanny, a wife and mother of eight's sudden death and now the warning. the interviews and one daughter's suspicion. >> she said rachel, dad murdered mom. i mow know he did. >> and their father's affair with mistress turned nanny. plus the bombshell twist in a courtroom showdown. >> this bathtub has an important story to tell. >> the children's search >> i looked at my father, and i