tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 2, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
that is our report on this monday. appreciate your time. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- shailene woodley comedian mike epps and from chicago a special performance by garth brooks. and now, over here, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. a special welcome to those of you who are watching from new york city, where if you're seeing this means the power is still on. you know, there's a big blackout in manhattan over the weekend. the power went out for several hours on saturday night from times square all the way up to
72nd street. it happened right in the middle of a jennifer lopez concert at madison square garden. the lights suddenly went out. and people were -- they had to cancel the show. people were on edge. you know, when this sort of thing happens. there was even an incident at a local bagel shop when the lights went out. >> why is it okay for women to say you're on dating sites, we should be gay? that's okay? >> jimmy: as you can almost see, tempers are running short there. [ laughter ] most broadway shows had to cancel their performances. but the cast of the tony-winning show "hadestown" decided to do a performance outside their theater. ♪ ♪ blackout ♪ there's a blackout ♪ ooh ♪ there's a blackout ♪ ooh
♪ there's a blackout >> jimmy: that's pretty good. rarely do you see people cheering -- [ cheers and applause ] -- for a trombone. the mayor of new york city bill de blasio was campaigning in iowa when the power went out because he's running for president. why he's running for president no one knows. [ laughter ] but when the lights came back on, his poll numbers had tripled all the way up to 1%. [ laughter ] you really miss the lights when they go out. here's what happened when they went back on. [ cheers ] that's right. people were cheering in the streets. and then five minutes later everyone went right back to not speaking to each other ever. [ laughter ] the blackout was the number one trending thing on twitter on saturday. and today in case you don't know, today is twitter's 13th birthday. today twitter became a man. [ cheers and applause ]
it's like cheering for rabies, by the way. [ laughter ] to commemorate this milestone the folks at twitter put out a special message today to remind us of some of the highlights of their past 13 years. >> from all of us at twitter we want to thank you for 13 amazing years. from our humble beginnings in a garage in palo alto we started with a simple idea. what if fortune cookie messages were racist? [ laughter ] over the years we've grown to become the world's fastest and easiest way to get fired from your job. and the most efficient method of telling famous people to go [ bleep ] themselves. [ laughter ] we were the first to report the miracle on the hudson. and the discovery of ice on mars. allowed russia to elect their first american president. and provided a space where that president could call bette midler an extremely unattractive woman who sucked at the oscars. we breathed new life into the
pound sign and that stupid letter a with the circle around it. we're proud of what we've accomplished in 13 years, and we look forward to providing a platform to usher in the next great american civil war. twitter. an unregulated bulletin board for humanity's worst. and videos of toddlers doing this. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, that's nice. congratulations to twitter. you know, without twitter we would just have to wonder if our president had racist thoughts on every subject. but now we can read those thoughts every day. our tweetie bird president is out of his mind again. yesterday you may know he lashed out at four democratic congresspeople, all of whom happen to be non-white women. he wrote, "so interesting to see progressive democrat congresswomen who originally came from countries whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe now loudly and
viciously telling the people of the united states, the greatest and most powerful nation on earth, how our government is to be run. why don't they go back and help fix the totally broken and crime-infested places from which they came, then come back and show us how it is done?" and of course three of the congresswomen he attacked were born here in the united states. and the other one moved here when she was 10 years old. and even some republicans condemned the president for this. not many. but some. not only did he not apologize, he did what he always does, he doubled down on it. >> they have to love -- they have to love our country. they're congresspeople. and i never used any names. but these are people -- quiet. quiet. quiet. quiet. quiet! quiet. these are people that if they don't like it here they can leave. >> jimmy: as soon as he said that, melania started running to the airport. [ cheers and applause ]
she was stopped by secret service. he said these women hate israel, they're pro al qaeda. and this was interesting. someone got a shot of his notes. this is how he spells al qaeda. zoom in on that. for real. a-l-c-a-i-d-a. which, by the way, is wrong because he is foolish. [ laughter ] but one republican who did speak out against the president's racism was senator lindsey graham. >> what is your reaction to hearing what donald trp says? >> disgusted. i want to talk to the trump supporters for a minute. i don't know who you are and i don't know why you like this guy. he's a race-baiting xenophobic religious bigot. >> jimmy: unfortunately, that's what he said four years ago when he was running against trump. this is what he said today. >> we just checked out lindsey graham's twitter account, and he posted this image yesterday. and joining us right now, we've got senator lindsey graham, republican from south carolina, the chairman of the senate judiciary committee.
looked like a fun day. >> it was a fun day, and trump's the best golfer. you're the best golfer. >> jimmy: lindsey graham is probably the closest donald trump will ever come to owning a dog. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] on friday another cabinet member, the secretary of labor, alex acosta, resigned for his role approving a very light sentence given to the accused pedophile billionaire jeffrey epstein. and this was nuts. after acosta resigned because of this the president brought him out on the white house lawn to try to show some kind of solidarity. someone asked trump if acosta was a democrat and trump passed that question along. >> are you a democrat? >> i'm not, no. >> i have no idea. you know what i know? you know what i know about alex? he was a great student at harvard. he's hispanic, which i -- which i so admire. >> jimmy: yes indeed. it takes a lot of guts to be hispanic. it really does.
[ laughter ] one of the things i admire about you, guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] vice president pence on friday took a tour of two detention centers in texas, where he questioned a group of children who were being kept very humanely locked up in cells. and if you watch very closely here, you can see the exact -- the moment mike pence realizes maybe he's not getting into heaven. >> are they taking good care of you here? >> si. >> si? okay. how long did it take you to get here? >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> it took two months to get here and three months to get here. okay. did you walk the whole way? >> si. >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> yes. >> long journey. >> jimmy: yeah. that's his concerned face, in
case you were wondering. i'll tell you what, though, between this and the space force he's basically fighting real aliens and illegal ones both at the same time. there's nothing this man can't do. the president claims these reports of bad conditions at the detention centers are bigly exaggerated. he wrote "friday's tour showed vividly to politicians and the media how well run and clean the children's detention centers are. great reviews." [ laughter ] yeah. 100% on rotten tomatoes right now. [ laughter ] at this point our best hope is trump turns the place into one of his casinos and it goes out of business in like two weeks. [ cheers and applause ] it really is -- oh, so this is crazy too. more than a million people, i don't know if you saw this, have signed up on facebook with the intention of storming area 51. this is the military facility in the nevada desert where many believe ufos and evidence of alien life is kept.
the event is called "storm area 51, they can't stop all of us." maybe not. but they can stop some of you. [ laughter ] and the air force had to put out a statement warning people not to storm them. area 51 is an open training range for the u.s. air force and we would discourage anyone from trying to come. the u.s. air force always stands ready to protect america and its assets. and if the air force can't stop them, why, they'll send in the space force to finish the job. [ laughter ] it does seem like the world is getting nuttier. even in chess there's a scandal rocking the world of international chess. there's a grandmaster named igor rausis who was caught cheating during a tournament. and the way he cheated is he went into the bathroom and he used a chess app to help with his moves. you see there he is on his phone with a pretty cool set of compression socks on. [ laughter ] unfortunately, whoever was taking secret photos in the men's room is still at large.
[ laughter ] tonight on "the bachelorette" it was fantasy suite night tonight and the drama centered around the villain of this season, the despicable luke p. luke p. was the only guy who didn't make it to the fantasy suite tonight. he enraged hannah by telling her that if she dared to have sex with any of the other guys he'd leave. and, well, he got his wish. >> there have been so many times that like i have wanted to say i'm done with you. but my heart has just not allowed me to let you go. and i prayed so much for clarity. and i feel like i've finally gotten clarity on you. and i do not want you to be my husband. >> jimmy: why it took so long -- [ cheers and applause ] -- for her to figure this out i don't know. but luke didn't go without a fight. in fact, he almost didn't go at all. >> there's something in me that is refusing me to get into that vehicle right now because my -- >> if you really -- i could
probably get you to get in that limo. so like i have had sex. >> say what? >> yeah. and i -- jesus still loves me. >> i didn't just go to the fantasy suite. i [ bleep ] in a windmill. and guess what? we did it a second time. >> jimmy: she really, really did -- [ cheers and applause ] they did do it in a windmill, which was a first for the show. and by the way, that kiss is what they call a renewable energy source. so to recap, luke told hannah if she had sex with the other guys he would 100% leave. and he did 100% leave. but based on the scenes they shared from next week he's 100% coming back. so hannah also enjoyed the fantasy suite with tyler, who -- tyler wanted to give her a private massage. so he kicked everyone out of the room to do it.
♪ >> that's -- ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have a good show tonight. we have music tonight from a gentleman, maybe you heard his name. garth brooks is on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] garth is right now 2,000 miles away from us in chicago. he has a new duet with blake shelton called "dive bar." and garth joins us now from an
actual dive bar. [ cheers and applause ] hey, garth, how are you doing? >> we're doing great. this is the place to be. >> jimmy: i see arms but i don't see people. i assume there are people attached to those arms. >> if you move this way a little bit you can see all of them. everybody wave. >> jimmy: garth, why are you on a tour of dive bars? is it the smell that you love? >> yes. it's everything i love about -- this is where our music was born. so yeah, this is it. we've got a dive bar single out with blake shelton right now, fellow okie. so we're starting our dive bar tour here tonight at joe's in chicago. >> jimmy: excellent. couldn't you have just told trisha you wanted to go out drinking and not gone through this whole process? >> i guess i could have. but she's granted me this. so this is going to be the first of many. so we're excited about it. >> jimmy: what is the next stop on the tour after chicago? >> i can't tell you. >> jimmy: it's a secret, right? you're kind of popping in as a surprise. >> yeah, man.
and it's fun. and chicago, if it goes anything like this, before we even get on stage this place has been the most fun you could possibly imagine. so if they go like this we're going to have a great sometime. >> jimmy: garth, is it true you're planning to do a shot with every person in that bar bere you're done tonight? >> it's tradition, yes. >> jimmy: all right. so that's garth brooks. he is in chicago. garth, we will see you later. garth is here. mike epps is here. and we'll be right back with shailene woodley. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by jim beam. the fall of prohibition, jim beam didn't raise a single glass. he wanted his first drink to be of his own bourbon. he didn't have much money. but he did have a few friends. people who were raised the right way. over 120 days, they rebuilt the distillery. and while their names might not be on our bottle... it's because of them,
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello there. welcome back. tonight his new netflix comedy special is called "only one mike," the one and only mike epps is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] and then, with the first of seven "dive bar" concerts he will be playing all around the country randomly, surprising people wherever he goes, garth brooks from joe's on weed street in chicago. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night our guests are shaquille o'neal and fred savage with music from koffee and later this week senator kamala harris, billy eichner, lenny clarke, from the rams sean mcvay, music
from spoon and offset with cardi b. please join us for all of that. [ cheers and applause ] it's been a whole two months since we had a finale episode of a popular hbo show to fight about but don't fear our first guest and her collection of stellar castmates are back to get you all worked up again. "big little lies" wraps its second season sunday night. please say hello to shailene woodley. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ very good to see you. >> it's great to see you too. >> jimmy: i don't know if you're aware of this -- >> what a warm welcome coming here. >> jimmy: it's funny that you say that because i want you to know something. >> it's fake? >> jimmy: no. it's a little bit fake, yes. but when you come here everyone on our staff remarks on how friendly you are to everyone here. and we don't get that always. >> that's a shame.
>> jimmy: well, it's not that people are unfriendly. it's that you are particularly friendly. >> i'm overfriendly. >> jimmy: maybe overfriendly. maybe something yo to dial back a little. no. >> i definitely know some people who think so. >> jimmy: is that right? you get that kind of a criticism sometime like -- >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> i mean, when you're eternally optimistic, you know, and people in your family or your friend groups aren't, you can be annoying. >> jimmy: interesting. [ laughter ] >> i'm the annoying optimist. >> jimmy: are you always optimistic? >> i am. >> jimmy: you are. >> i am. >> jimmy: do you feel optimistic about like the future of this country right now? >> no. i feel optimistic of the future of humanity. >> jimmy: okay. >> i mean, it's so much bigger than just this country. that's where my optimism comes in. i'm like oh, but then there's this, there's that. there's this glass. how about that one? it's overflowing in new zealand. so why can't it overflow here too one day? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you just flew in from fiji, right? >> i did. >> jimmy: is that where you started thinking about this
stuff? >> no. but the fijians are very optimistic. >> jimmy: as a general rule they are? >> not that i've met every fijian. but the fijians i have met, which is quite a few, they're just so friendly. when i'm there i'm like oh, i'm home. people smile. they hug you. they welcome you into their houses. if you need to eat and you say you're hungry all of a sudden there's ten meals in front of you. and that's not because i'm on tv, you know, whatever. it's just their culture. like they really -- they care about their elders. they care about their neighbors. they care about each other. and it's really inspiring. >> jimmy: is that what attracts you to fiji? because i know last time you were here your boyfriend lives there also. >> yeah. he works there for -- yeah, he works there. he plays rugby in fiji. >> jimmy: he's a big star, big rugby star there. >> oh, yeah. i mean, it's insane. he can't get -- we don't know rugby in america. i didn't know what rugby was before i met him.
but it's so big in the southern hemisphere. he can't -- he'll be driving in a taxi and people will get out of their cars just to wave at -- it's so bizarre. and then he comes to america and people are like rugby? >> jimmy: that must be kind of nice for him, though, to be able to go somewhere where he's completely unknown. >> totally. >> jimmy: whereas i would imagine they all know you in fiji, yes? >> they know me now because i did a movie there. that's kind of -- and you know, i'm dating someone from there. the other thing about fiji is if i say one thing to you they will all know what i said to you within five minutes. it's remarkable. >> jimmy: why is that? >> i didn't tell half the people i know in fiji i was going there this time. i landed at the airport, i took one photo with one person at the airport. ten minutes later i got texts from every single person. i had a friend in america text me and s i didn't know you were in fiji right now. i think it's just a small island and because they are all so friendly with one another they also like to talk a lot to each other. i don't know. >> jimmy: maybe it's -- is
everyone -- because everyone knows each other everyone following everyone on instagram? >> well, they're all related. a lot of them, they're all cousins. >> jimmy: that's weird if you think about it. >> my dude ben has like a thousand cousins. it's weird for us americans. but it's not weird for them. >> jimmy: of course not. >> it's normal. it would be weird, though, i think if you're dating. >> jimmy: you have a flip phone, right? is it true you carry only a flip phone, you do not have a smartphone of any kind? >> i have both. >> jimmy: you have both. >> i have both. i have my iphone still because it will work in wi-fi and it's just easier to text on. but i have a flip phone. my iphone has no data. >> reporter: when people see you using a flip phone it must be all they want to talk about, right? >> it's actually a really good social experiment because a lot of people don't notice. and i think it's a way for me to go oh, this is why i wanted a flip phone, because we don't notice each other anymore. and then the people who do notice are shocked. they literally ask me are you using a flip phone?
and i'm like you can see that i am. [ laughter ] it's obvious. but i think it's such a shocking gesture. activity for someone to have a flip phone. >> jimmy: do you text on it or is it just talking? because you have to press like three times for every -- >> my friends who don't have iphones, which is a lot of people. samsung's a thing, too apparently. you have to text them on the flip phone. and it's -- i'm back to doing like brb, ttyl, lol. >> jimmy: wow. now, does that mean you don't follow what's going on in the news? you don't really pay attention to that sort of thing? >> no, i know what's going on. i mean, it's 2019. even if i don't want to know the news you know the news because you walk into a starbucks and instead of music playing now you have like some radio host saying something. you can't escape things anymore. and i still have my iphone and it works with internet. and you wake up -- generally the places you wake up have wi-fi. and i'm a slave to it kind of
like anyone else. you look at your news channel and news feed and then you start your day. >> jimmy: i'm sure i'm overly obsessed with your flip phone, but where do you even get a flip phone? [ laughter ] >> t-mobile. >> jimmy: they have them for sale new? you don't have to go to ebay or someone carves them out of plastic on etsy or something like that? [ laughter ] >> a cardboard flip phone. >> jimmy: they're almost as functional as a regular flip phone. we're going to take a break. when we come back -- oh, no, you know what? we're going to talk about the season finale of "big little lies" on hbo. shailene woodley is here with us. we'll be right back.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back with shailene woodley. she is on "big little lies," which is on hbo. the second season comes to a conclusion on sunday night. hbo, this is so secret they would not even send us a clip of the show. >> i know. >> jimmy: normally it's like please play the clip, please play the clip. but they were like no, you can't have the clip. and then all of a sudden we were like well, we would really like the clip. [ laughter ] >> well, they did -- in exchange for the clip they to me that i could -- this whole time they've said don't say anything, you know. so we asked -- people ask what the show is about and you can't give anything away. but they did say i could say this. >> jimmy: okay. >> in the beginning of the next episode all of the -- it's a
little bit of a cliffhanger. but all of the women go to visit perry's grave and his body's missing. >> jimmy: really? well, that is a little bit of a cliffhanger. >> so there you go. >> jimmy: when you say it's a cliffhanger, does that indicate there will be a third season of the show? >> oh, no, that's the beginning of the next episode. so you still have an hour to figure out -- >> jimmy: that's technically not really a cliffhanger. [ laughter ] >> okay. i used the wrong word. i'm not really a wordsmith. not my strong suit. >> jimmy: maybe if you had a real phone you'd know this kind of stuff. [ laughter ] >> i guess i'm going to carry around a thesaurus and dictionary. >> jimmy: do people ask you about the show all the time and what's going on? >> all the time. and i have to say i can't tell you. >> jimmy: you can't tell anything because it ruins -- people don't really want to know. if they like the show they want it to be a secret. but when was it that you realized the show became more than just a television show but like a cultural phenomenon, something that people were really discussing? >> i was out of the country when
season 1 came out, when the first few episodes came out, and i came home and i had to dye my hair for a film and i went from brown to blond. so i was in that salon for ten hours. and i got there and like an hour in i started hearing like "renata," la, la, la, "celeste," la, la, la. and i turned to my hairstylist and i was like are they talking about "big little lies"? and she's like, girl, that has been the talk of the salon for the last few weeks. and i was like, all right, if we made it to salon talk we must be hitting like pop culture. because that's all people talk about in salons. >> jimmy: salon talk is kind of the epicenter of all of it. what are you doing for the rest of the summer? what's your plan? >> i'm going to be in the ocean, actually. a lot of the summer. which i'm really excited about. i'm doing something with greenpeace in a couple of weeks which i feel very grateful for. we're going to sargasso sea and we're going to kind of study and research microplastic and micropollution because it's so tragic what's happening to oceans. i didn't know this but 50% of our oxygen came from the oceans and we paid very little attention to them.
and so there'ss big worldwide initiative to protect 30% of the oceans by 2030. >> jimmy: did you tell me the last time you were here that you're very, very seasick and you're a vomiter on the ocean? >> it's kind of like the thing where you have a baby or a dog and you wish the baby or the dog wouldn't complain and ask for food and ask you to change the diaper but you love it so you do it anyway. that's my relationship with the ocean. >> jimmy: does the ocean become upset that you're always vomiting into it? [ laughter ] >> i'm plutding it. it might be upset. maybe that's why it continues to rock the boat. >> jimmy: but i bet the fish love it, you know. [ laughter ] >> at least i'm adding to the ecosystem. i get my sea legs pretty quick. >> jimmy: all right. well, it's very good to see you. the show is "big little lies." you all know that. season finale sunday night. hbo. shailene woodley, everybody. thank you, shailene. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. still to come garth brooks from chicago. our next guest is a weekly funny comedian, actor and newlywed man with a new stand-up comedy special. it's called "only one night." mike. it's available on netflix now. please welcome mike epps. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> yeah! >> jimmy: how are you? >> how are you doing, jimmy? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. i'm taking you in now because
you're a married man. you're a newlywed as they say. >> yeah. >> jimmy: when did you get married? >> i got married june 23rd. i'm in now. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you write your own vows? >> yeah, i did. i wrote my own vows, you know. >> jimmy: was it beautiful? was it serious? >> it was beautiful in the beginning and then it got hip-hop and ghetto in the end. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the vows got hip-hop. >> it got ghetto in the end. >> jimmy: did your wife appreciate that it got ghetto in the end? >> she gave me a look. she said where are you going with this? >> jimmy: the vows in a way are one last warning about what they're about to get into. >> it's a test, right? >> jimmy: how many people did you have at your wedding? >> i had about 300. >> jimmy: snoop dogg was at your wedding. >> snoop dogg came to my wedding. big shout out to snoop dogg, man. [ applause ] snoop dogg came to my wedding, and my mother was -- i knew he was there because my mother
said, "i smell your friend snoop is here." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when you invite someone like snoop to a wedding, do you send him that beautiful invitation by mail or do you just like text him and say hey, snoop, there's a wedding, love you to come to it? >> no, i just hit him on the phone and say what you doing, dog? he say, "i'm wherever you at, cuz." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: were there other hip-hop artists at the wedding? >> yeah. we had t.i. was there. my buddy t.i. was there. t.i. and tiny was there. we also had the whispers. the whispers came, man. >> jimmy: the band from the '70s and '80s, right? >> yes. but guess what? that's my wife's favorite group. is the whispers. >> jimmy: how did you lock that down, getting your wife's favorite group to play t wedding? >> man, i had to -- i went on one of them -- i went in the phone book and found the whispers. [ laughter ] they're still in the phone book. >> jimmy: really? they're listed under the whispers? >> yeah, under the whispers.
>> jimmy: how many of the original whispers are still in the group? >> you've definitely got the two brothers. you've got scottie. you've got both of the brothers. one of the brothers, i caught him whispering to my girl a little too much. >> jimmy: well, that's what they do. [ laughter ] >> and i asked her what he was whispering about. but it was cool to have them, man. one of them, i guess he left his hair in the locker, so one of them was baldheaded. [ laughter ] we was like is that a real whisper right there? >> jimmy: when you have the whispers will they only do their songs or will they do a variety of songs? >> they did a variety of songs. of course my wife had her favorite song. >> jimmy: which one is her favorite? >> "just be good to me." ♪ just be good to me you heard that song. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. you know, i think i can sing a little bit. [ laughter ] but yeah, my aunts were there.
they were so happy, man. my mother. and i seen one of my aunts while the whispers were singing i seen her leaning down and i said don't you do it. she was about to throw her drawers up there on the whispers. [ laughter ] don't you do it. i see you. she had it down by her ankle. she went on, slid them back up, threw her dress back down. >> jimmy: is that still happening? i didn't know. i thought that ended with like engelbert humperdinck or something. wow. how about that? did you guys go on a honeymoon? >> we did. well, we didn't go on our official honeymoon. you know, every year i take my kids on a summer break. so it was kind of like a kids' honeymoon. i took them with us. but we're going to -- you know, we're going to go back and do another honeymoon. i want an all exclusive trip at a beachfront house in compton i'm going to take her to. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's wonderful. what does that include? what's in the package? >> what's in the package?
cookies. >> jimmy: the last time you were here you were about to go on tour of europe, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how did that go? >> it was cool, man. that was -- >> jimmy: where did you go? >> i went to ozwell -- oswald. and i went to london. and i went to a coup pces. im: i've heard of london. i don't know what the other one is. [ laughter ] >> you know what i was talking about, jimmy. >> jimmy: did they understand all your jokes there? >> they did. and that's what was shocking, jimmy. when i was telling the jokes they were enjoying, they was laughing. and then when i got off stage and i was talking to them they didn't know what the hell i was talking about. [ laughter ] i'm the same guy that was telling the jokes just now. >> jimmy: that's kind of weird. did you get to go and visit and experience the different cities? >> i did, man. i got a chance to visit all the different cities. i seen black people over there but they wasn't african-americans.
they was africans. and they looked like really, really rough. and when i walked up to them i said hey, how are you doing? they said "how are you doing today?" guy looks like 50 cent but he acts like tevin campbell. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you go to amsterdam while you were there? >> i did. i went to amsterdam. man, the devil has got to be running that city right now. [ laughter ] i've never seen a place where you can do anything, man. and they had the red light district. and then we went out there on a sunday morning and i guess those are the women that don't get money at saturday night. they were just in the window like this on a sunday morning just looking. i said no, man. >> jimmy: it's probably a good call. >> you need to get out of that window. it's like tales of the crypt in there, man. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: when you go to amsterdam now, is it k ruined a little bit now that cannabis is legal here in california? >> it is, man. it ain't no fair, man. >> jimmy: seems like it would take some of the fun out of that. >> it did. because i used to go over there and just brag about smoking in front of the police. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they said it's legal in america. but it ain't quite legal yet. >> jimmy: not everywhere. >> yeah. because the police are still looking at me crazy. >> jimmy: maybe you're just imagine things. >> yeah, i'm imagining. >> jimmy: you have a new netflix special. it's called "only one mike." >> yeah. you said "only one night." >> jimmy: i screwed it -- i think i said "nike" actually. does michael jordan know you named it "only one mike"? is he aware of this? because i think you could poten. >> i didn't think he know about it until tonight. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're in trouble. >> you just told on me just now. >> jimmy: you didn't do well in school, right? >> come on, jimmy.
[ laughter ] where is this interview going? >> jimmy: it's on the wikipedia page. no, but you said you got straight fs one year. what year was it that you got straight fs? >> every year, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you were consistent. >> i was consistent. and i credit the comedy business to my education because if i had been a good student i wouldn't have became a comedian. i was practicing on being who i am now. thank god it worked, jimmy. >> jimmy: no kidding. in a way if you think about it for you the letter f was for funny. [ laughter ] >> it was for failure. my mother would tell you. >> jimmy: mike epps, everybody. "only one mike" is available on netflix. we'll be right back with garth brooks in chicago. >> dicky: music on "jimmy kimmel live" is brought to you by amazon music.
catalog. >> jimmy: i to thk shailene woodley, thanks to mike epps and apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. this very heavy box set is called "the legacy collection." it is available right now for amazon prime day. here with the song "dive bar" from joe's on weed street in chicago, garth brooks! ♪ ♪ we're gonna spend the weekend ♪ ♪ yeah, in the ♪ deep end ♪ of what ♪ of a dive bar ♪ turn that bottle up and drink it crank that jukebox up and hank it ♪ ♪ bartender pour another round here's to our best bad decisions, situational conditions ♪ ♪ oh, and memories we all need to drown ♪ ♪ so fill your cup and raise it up jump in and join the club ♪ ♪ and float this whiskey river reservoir we're gonna spend the weekend ♪
♪ in the deep end of a dive bar ♪ ♪ cause up in here you're not the only loved and left or lost and lonely one ♪ ♪ who's ever swam against the tide think of this as your oasis ♪ ♪ it's the safest of the places that a broken heart can find to hide ♪ ♪ so here's a toast coast to coast with a big 'ol adios to ♪ ♪ wishes wasted on them falling stars ready? we're gonna spend the weekend ♪ ♪ in the deep end of a dive bar ♪ ♪ yeah, it's just chapter after chapter of happy never after ♪ ♪ but that's just the way the story goes for some barstool believers ♪ ♪ wear our heart out on our sleevers just going where the
neon glows ♪ ♪ ♪ yeah, it's just chapter after ♪ b that's just the way the ♪ story goes ♪ ♪ for some barstool believers ♪ wear our heart out on our sleevers ♪ ♪ where the neon glows ♪ problems we all got 'em ♪ let 'em sink down to the bottom doesn't matter who or where you are ♪ ♪ we're gonna spend the weekend in the deep end the water's fine y'all so just come on in ♪ ♪ to the deep end of a dive bar ♪ ♪ give it to me, talking about a ♪ ♪ dive bar ♪ one more time ♪ i've got to love a dive bar [ cheers and applause ]
this is "nightline." >> tonight, dorian's destruction. >> oh, my god. >> the utter devastation. >> everyone, please pray for us. please. >> the hurricane battering the bahamas as a monster category 5, with over 220-mile-an-hour winds. >> swim! swim! >> now the dramatic race to rescue those trapped. tracking where this life-threatening storm is heading next. plus, forever family. these empty nesters redefining what it means to raise a full house. adopting nine foster kids. now a family of 15. >> how long before you called mom and dad mom and