tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 23, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
we'll bring updates on the free abc 7 news. >> have awe great night and we'll see you tomorrow. from brooklyn, it's jimmy kimmel live! tonight, bill murray, senator bernie sanders, ellie kemper, and music from the nationals. presented by lightlife. with cleto and the cletones. and now, top of the food chain, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you, thank you. all right. i appreciate that. thank you.
welcome. thank you very much. hello, brooklyn! [cheers and applause] very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for standing. please, sit, relax. it's very kind. thanks for joining us. this is night three of our week-long residency at the howard gillman opera house, the brooklyn academy of music. this beautiful venue has hosted everyone from adele to the new york opera, and obviously, i'm more of an adele. this is the halfway mark of our trip here. this is when my pants just start to not fit anymore. and we have a good show for you tonight we have the nationals here. ellie kem pper is here, and all the way from vermont, brooklyn's own bernie sanders is here with us tonight. [cheers and applause] last night, last night on our show, everyone in the audience got ice cream. tonight you all get medicare,
[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thank you, everybody. that's the gang from stomp, and guillermo. but let me tell you something, that was quite an entrance. i haven't seen moves like that since sean spicer on "dancing with the stars" monday night. >> oh, my god, i'm tired. >> jimmy: if you live in new york, and if you've ever owned a television, you've probably seen these commercials for a big wedding venue called grand prospect hall. so you know this place? these are local ads starring the owners, and the commercials are wonderful, but they've been running the same ones for like 125 years. so it seemed like time to freshen them up. and the best way to make a good local commercial into a great local commercial is to add a prominent local athlete to the mix. so we made a call to phenom pete alonso and asked pete to step up to the plate in a new ad that
will make all your dreams come true. >> you dreamed about it. it's been perfectly planned. >> and it's the most important day of your life. >> hi, i'm michael. >> and i'm alice. >> and i'm pete alonso from the new york mets. the grand prospect hall is a big home run. i come for the unparalleled elegance at reasonable prices. but i stay for this big-ass chandelier. >> pete, don't forget our beautiful appointed function rooms. >> the oak room. >> the rainbow room. >> the choppin' room. >> it's actually
>> and the grand ballroom, 45-foot ceilings. >> this is them where i had my bar mitzvah. >> if you get married here, your marriage will last a lifetime. >> and if you go elsewhere, you'll get a divorce. >> tell them pete alonso sent you for a 10% discount. >> no. that's not true. we don't give discounts for that. >> grand prospect hall, located at 263 prospect avenue in brooklyn, right around the corner from royal fried chicken king. >> grand prospect hall, we make your dreams come true. >> jimmy: wow. thank you, pete alonso and mike and alice. game three of the world series is friday night on fox, and like the mets and yankees, i will be watching from home. our president is having another rough week.
and the trump name really doesn't mean what it used to around here. the trump organization has decided to remove the word "trump" from two ice skating rinks he owns in central park. you know things are bad when even the trump organization is distancing itself from trump. donald trump has owned these rinks since the '80s. there he is. president zambone-head. there was a donald trump sighting in the canal under the carroll street bridge. a statue of trump with snakes coming out of him. the "lock her up" ness monster was dumped there. it makes more sense to see him in the canal than in the white house. in other waterway house news, guillermo and i had an adventure courtesy of the north brooklyn boat club.
we took a canoe into the new town creek which runs between brooklyn and queens. and to make it even more interesting, we invited a friend, someone who loves new york and is an expert on the life aquatic, oh, hey, is this the place? >> yeah, this is the place. >> this is nice. beautiful. >> this is my summer place. >> jimmy: shall we check it out? >> did you strap your guts on? >> i'm ready, mr. bill. >> you're going to need one of these. >> all right. ♪ >> jimmy: hi, guys. how are you? >> hi. >> welcome to green point. >> jimmy: what's happening over here? >> this is recycling in action. it's coming out. >> jimmy: i knew there would be
natural beauty, i didn't know there would be so much artificial beauty as well. that's the cycle of life when the recycling bin gets recycled. >> what's the name of this waterway? >> this is the new town creek. it forms the board between brooklyn and queens so that's -- >> stay out of brooklyn! >> how you doin' back there? >> all right, so-so. >> jimmy: so-so. ♪ >> that is queens on your left, brooklyn on the right. >> hey, can you give us a push? >> you have to push yourself! >> jimmy: we're pickin' up speed. >> oh, screw the boat with the motor. like really, we care? he's got a flag. he's got a horn. he's probably got some blow, he's fine. >> you guys are doing a great job. >> the creek has always served as a kind of like an alley, a
service corridor for the city. >> jimmy: this is where you would do like a craigslist murder, you know? >> now everybody paddle! >> you can see these gasoline tanks on the right. >> jimmy: yeah. >> new town creek has always been a center of oil production. >> on the left, all this stuff here is for the buckeye pipeline, a major national pipeline. it goes to laguardia airport, there's jet fuel going underneath the creek here. >> jimmy: that's good for the fish, right? >> oh, it's excellent. those are the digester eggs of the state-of-the-art water treatment facility. >> it can be as little as a >> jimmy: a tenet th of an inch? >> i know people who sweat that much. >> if new yorkers want to help they can avoid flushing their toilets when it's raining. >> jimmy: i would love to be the face of that campaign.
>> we would love it. >> jimmy: hey, folks, it's jimmy kimmel, reminding you, when it starts to sprinkle, don't flush your tinkle. oh, no! >> do you have some snacks? >>my: i see some snacks floating by. >> all this garbage making me hungry. >> jimmy: i can s why you'd get hungry. >> we're going to cross the creek to the queens side. >> jimmy: bear left and cross the creek to the queens side, everybody. pass it forward. >> yes, paddle. paddle. >> jimmy: i feel le we've now entered like the nice neighborhood. >> wait until you get a little farther ahead. there's rose bushes. >> and definitely mimosa trees. >> we can get a drink? i'm getting thirsty. look what i have here. >> jimmy: oh, that's not water, is it? >> is this something i can keep
my mouth from getting dry? >> jimmy: that tequila? >> that's tequila. i always have tequila in case i get thirsty. >> jimmy: that's a good amimosa. >> i'm not sure i tasted it correctly. >> oh, it's all yours. >> jimmy: every time we see something especially filthy, we'll have a toast. >> hmm. >> jimmy: gracias, guillermo, it tastes a little like your mustache. >> hmm, you are the first one to say that. this is scary. >> jimmy: you know, there are two kinds of people i life, guillermo. there are paddlers, and there are passengers. >> yeah. >> jimmy: guess which one are you right now. >> the passenger. paddling is hard, jimmy. >> jimmy: you guys spend a lot of time out on this water, huh? >> we bring weekly bird watching
troops back here. >> you guys single? >> no, no, we both have wives. >> that's a surprise. >> so you can see a shore bird up there. that's that's an egret. >> jimmy: can we feed the egret? >> you can try, but they eat fish and krcrustations. >> do you think the bread is not that good? >> maybe they're allergic to gluten free. >> jimmy: maybe the birds are gluten free, that's a good point. >> i only make good points, jimmy. >> jimmy: that seems like a bad sign. >> what? >> jimmy: publging bubbling is from the earth? >> there is a pipe. >> jimmy: this is what you do in an aquarium basically. >> yeah, the sediments are
polluted. >> jimmy: and we're breathing it in. you say i never take you anywhere fun. >> aye aye aye. >> is there any way you can take a picture of that and put nice music over that? white bird, by "it's a beautiful ♪ ♪ ♪ on a winter's day ♪ in the rain ♪ >> mimosa! >> jimmy: now we're in the east river. >> yes. >> jimmy: now the situation's a little bit dodgy. it is beautiful. >> there we were, a minute ago we were paddling amongst the recycling and the seepage. >> jimmy: and now here we are. >> now we're out here to the city that never sleeps.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: what's so funny? >> when he gets nervous, he starts laughing. he says wait a minute. hey, don't even kid about that. seemed like it was going to be the most disgusting place of the city, and it turned out to be kind of lovely. >> if you dive into the ugly, eventually, it gets pretty. >> jimmy: that's what i used to tell the girls in high school. and it never worked. it never worked. thank you for coming on this trip with us. >> thank you so much. and thank you for this, i guess. thanks so much. >> jimmy: thank you for the tequila, guillermo. and thanks to you guys for working to clear this area up. >> cheers. thanks for coming out. >> jimmy: to the east river. >> to the east river. >> jimmy: all right, let's get off this water. i'm going to throw up. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thanks to bill murray and our new canoe friends. tonight on the
t music from the nationals, ellie koemper is here, and we'll be back with senator bernie sanders from new york. [ back in baby's arms by patsy cline ] then, it appeared a beacon of hope. ♪ i'm back in baby's arms more glorious than a billion sunsets. we were found. ♪ i'm back where i belong found by the hounds. ♪ back in baby's arms i am totally blind. and non-24 can throw my days and nights out of sync, keeping me from the things i love to do. talk to your doctor, and call 844-214-2424. 50% off sale this weekend!... plus - take an extra 20% off!... plus - take an extra $10 off when you spend $50 or more!... plus - everyone gets $10 kohl's cash for every $50 spent!
the more things in your home you make yourself, the more it feels like your home. there's something just really special about putting in our own time, sweat, blood, tears into our home. we're learning how to do these things as we go. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it's really fun. we want to create a place for more people than just ourselves. i'm cándida. i'm jeff. and we're airbnb hosts. ♪
big night on the show, eddie murphy will be with us tomorrow night, and we'll have music from the sugar hill gang. and on friday, we close out the week with john krasinski and a surprising guest of enormous proportions. might even have a surprise guest tomorrow. do you know what the surprises are, guillermo? >> i have no idea. >> jimmy: you look like you are left over from the lover boy "working for the weekend" album. >> shall i go get them over there? >> jimmy: no, you just stay there. our fi gs working to become the first brooklyn-bourne preside president of the united states, please welcome senator bernie sanders. [cheers and applause] ♪ how are you?
>> i'm great. >> jimmy: you're great? well, i'll be the judge of that. [ laughter ] >> are you ready? >> jimmy: yes. wow. even your heart is loud. i think it's important, because after what happened last time we elected a president, we need to know that you even have a heart. [ laughter ] >> i do! >> jimmy: you do. >> and it's functioning well, so thank you. >> jimmy: three weeks. i'm sure you're tired of talking about this. you had a heart attack in las vegas. was this a buffet-related accident? what happened to you? >> it turns out, unbeknownst to me that i had an artery that wasn't functioning very well. >> jimmy: they put a stint in? >> two stints. >> jimmy: two stints? >> it's a fairly common procedure, happens a million times in the united states. next day i was walking, couple
days later i was out of the hospital and back on the campaign trail. >> jimmy: you didn't spend much time in bed, did you? [cheers and applause] we have a video here. i don't know if you've noticed this, but i noticed it. you went for a walk a couple days after the heart attack, and i noticed your wife, jane, the hat she's wearing says "kimmel for vice president." now -- >> she's a good politician. i wanted to sit down and talk to you about something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, you don't, believe me. that would be your first very bad decision. you had a big rally in queens. i have a photograph here. how many people do you expect at a rally in queens? do you have an estimate beforehand? >> we had rsvps. >> jimmy: mm-hm. >> we had about 20,000 rsvps and we ended up with 26,000 people, so it's pretty good. >> jimmy: 26,000 people. >> and i was very pleased that
we had alexandria ocasio-cortez with me. >> jimmy: yes. >> and she has done an extraordinary job. >> jimmy: she endorsed you. >> she endorsed me. she's a real champion of working families, immigration reform, criminal justice reform. and she and i are going to work very hard on taking on the fossil fuel industry and transforming our energy system away from fossil fuel to energy efficiency, sustainable eney and save this planet from climate change. >> jimmy: that would be nice. [cheers and applause] >> what i like most about her, she is inspiring working people and young people all over this country to get involved in the political process. and, if there has ever been a time in american history where we need millions of people to step up to the plate, take on trump and fight for justice, this is that moment. >> jimmy: for sure. [cheers and applause]
this, this impeachment journey that we're on is getting weirder. i'm sure you know that today, a group of republicans, house republics, stoed a private me meeting in which some witnesses were being interviewed. and they refused to leave the meeting until, i don't know what they wanted, because there are republicans included in this proceeding. but what is going, what is happening? >> i think they're nervous. i think they're trying to disrupt the process. i think they understand that when you look at the record, you have a president who has tried to obstruct justice with the mueller report. you have a president who has used his office, unconstitutionally, in violation of the emolumentslumentslumentss enrich himself. when you have a billion dollars, why would you use the office of president to make more money? you kind of think he has enough to do as president, but, and
lastly, this ukrainian business, where he is using national security money to try to get the ukrainian government to give him dirt on a political opponent, so i think you got a strong case for impeachment. i think the house will impeach him. i hope they do. the trial comes to the senate. [ applause ] and i hope, i just hope, that e republican leadership allows for a fair trial and let the american people in the senate make their decision. >> jimmy: will the republican leadership get to decide whether it's a fair trial? doesn't it automatically have to be a fair trial in the senate? >> no. no. it doesn't. i hope mcconnell will do the right thing. >> jimmy: he's never done the right thing before, though. >> maybe i'm being optimistic. you have a president in my view who is probably the most corrupt president in the mod
>> jimmy: do you think mitt romney is the key to getting some of these republicans to look at the facts instead of -- >> well, jimmy, i'll tell you one of the things that has been really sad, and i say this not in a partisan way. trump is trump. but you would think, you have a lot of republicans. i know a lot of these guys, in the senate and house, who are not liars. they're not racist. they're not sexist. they're not homophobes, and yet they have been intimidated and frightened by this president, and with very few exceptions, they don't have the gutting to stand up and tell the truth about what's going on. i hope that in this process some of these republicans understand that the future of this country is more important than just donald trump. >> jimmy: senator bernie sanders is here e we'.
>> jimmy: you learn that swing playing stickball and whatever else in the streets of brooklyn? >> i surely did. we spent half our lives in the schoolyard playing ball. >> jimmy: you talk about families going through financial hardship. your family went through financial hardship. >> yep, i grew up in a three and a half-room rent control apartment and our family struggled. and i will never forget where i came from. in the sense that i understand today that half our people are living paycheck to paycheck. so many of our people can't afford to go to a doctor when they need to go to create an economy that works for everybody, and not just the people on top. and that's what i'm pledged to
do. >> jimmy: you speak very honestly on the subject. i think you are very blunt and brutally honest, almost to the point where it's shocking to see a politician say yes, this is going to make your taxes go up. but, in the big picture, i think that it will make it cost you less. >> like, look, here is the reality. we are the only major country on earth not to guarantee health care to all people as a human right. i believe that health care is a human right and not a privilege. and what that means is we need all that we need to do. people make this more complicated than it is. medicare right now is the most popular health insurance program in america. i want to expand medicare to include dental care, hearing aids and eyeglasses. and then, what i want to do is lower the eligibility age, first year from 65 down to 55. then to 45, then to 35. and then we cover everybody. and when we do that, there are
no more premiums. you're not paying anymore premiums. no more co-payments. no more deductibles. no more out-of-pocket expenses. and virtually every person in this country will save money on health care, because we are currently spending twice as much per person at people of any other major country, and the reason for that is that the function of the health care system today, shock of all shocks, is to make the drug companies and the insurance companies incredibly rich. well, i don't think that's the function of health care. so, if you are paying, just as an example. if somebody was self-employed, paying $15,000, $20,000 a year in premiums and out of pocket expenses, that ra's all gone. they may pay $7,000 or $8,000
more in taxes. they're $12,000 to the good. we can make sure nevanybody can to any doctor they want whenever they want and not worry about the cost of health care. >> jimmy: how often do you get back to your old neighborhood here in flat bush? >> not as often. >> jimmy: we went, we sent a camera crew. i don't know if you've ever met the family, but we sent the camera crew just to see who's living in your old place. it's interesting. i'm not sure. here you go. >> who are you? >> hi, did you know bernie sanders used to live here? >> mom! there's someone at the door! >> what are you selling? go back to wall street. we're not billionaires. >> did you know bernie sanders used to live here? >> never heard of him. >> jimmy: it wasn't friendly, but at least there's a family living there. but thank god you're here, i'm glad you're doing better. senator bernie sanders, everybody. we'll be right back with ellie
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>> jimmy: welcome back. ellie kemper and music from the nationals is next, but one of the best parts of coming back to brooklyn is eating my body weight in great food. but also an event where we can share the truth. >> burgers are ready! everyone who knows me knows that i'm very honest person. so before we eat, i'm going to go around the table and ask everyone to say one thing that is totally honest. >> i'll start. all of my pictures on social media are photo shopped. >> thank you for your honesty. >> i didn't knit this scarf. i bought it online. your hat, too. >> i pretend to like your potato salad, but it's bland. >> i pretend to like your husband, but i think he's bland.
>> she's right. i am bland. when i bring a bottle of wine to a party and no one opens it, i take it home. >> i'm not 8, i'm 24. >> wow. thank you for your honesty. my turn. these lightlife burgers are not beef. they're plant based. but they're so delicious i don't have to lie to you guys. sorry, i didn't really expect it to go this way. i was just excited about the burgers. >> i don'tnow anyone here. i just wandered in off the street. >> dicky: look for the lightlife burger in your meat aisle at your local grocery store. there's the amped-up, over-tuned, feeding-frenzy-of sheet-metal-kind.
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days" is available now, please welcome ellie kemper! [cheers and ♪ >> wow! >> jimmy: how you doin'? >> i've never been here before. this is unbelievable. >> jimmy: you've never been to brooklyn? you just had a baby last month. you look wonderful. this is ridiculous. >> thank you! i did it, i'm the first one. >> jimmy: was it a tiny little baby or a normal-sized baby? >> a normal-sized baby. it was much easier this time. his name is matthew. >> jimmy: matthew. >> and he's an angel. very classic. my older son is james, so. >> jimmy: oh, you have a matthew and james. very biblical. >> yes. >> jimmy: how is your older son james enjoying matthew?
>> everyone warned me you need to shower the older one with attention. you don't want them to feel left out. >> jimmy: that's what they say. >> i don't know if you did the same thing. >> jimmy: my daughter just demands it. >> it's not a question. i am going overboard. i am so worried about james losing out that i'm insulting the baby. to win james' approval. he's a baby. he's dumb. it's so mean to the baby. the baby's like 7 weeks old, he's like, ah. matthew can't do what you can do. it's so mean. i love you, matthew. >> jimmy: that will be interesting to see how that manifests itself. >> i know, because i think james knows what i'm saying and i'm people pleaser, matthew will never remember that i said this, but james will. >> jimmy: do you feel guilty at all that you had a second baby after your first, beautiful prized baby was born and now you have to split the attention?
>> i, it's a complicated thing. i will answer you honestly. it feels so strange. someone made this comparison to me. you have the love of your life, and one day you bring home, by the way, this other person will be joining us. >> jimmy: it's like the bachelor, reamllly in a way. you're from st. louis. my wife is from st. louis. and you live in new york. when you did "the office", you moved out to l.a. and moved back when it was over, but they're very, very different places. >> you go to st. louis a lot. they're very friendly there, very wholesome. >> jimmy: in st. louis. >> in st. louis. there are some in brooklyn. but when you go to new york you have to adopt a different, like i learned you can't necessarily say "hi" to everybody. you have to be a little tougher. >> jimmy: what happens when you say hi to people? >> can i say it on national television? when you say hi to someone,
nef everyone in new york is proud of being in new york. they don't necessarily say hi back. they're mean, but in a nice way. >> jimmy: yeah, there's a gruff but loveable quality. >> gruff but loveable. you're just loveable. >> jimmy: i know what you mean. i am from new york also. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yes, it's different. there's a different thing going on >>i feel like, i can't smile at everyone like a little rube. i adopted a tough face. >> jimmy: can i see what the tough face looks like? >> the tough face is this. and i like, look, i'll look at myself as i do it. it looks like i'm hungry. [ laughter ] or unhappy. >> jimmy: it looks like your sister got more yogurt than you did. >> oh, now i'm mad! >> jimmy: well, now, there, i'm getting nervous. >> you should. >> jimmy: this is your auto
biography. >> yes. >> jimmy: is this squirrel on the cover, whose idea was it to put an actual squirrel on the cover? was that something you wanted? >> in my original idea i thought wouldn't it be funny squirrel were scratching at me and i was bloody. then i thought, that's insane. >> jimmy: you don't want the squirrel to do that. >> and you want to sell books. >> jimmy: do you feel like after writing an auto biography and the people reading this, that you have no stories left to tell? >> correct. it's a very thin book. you're kind to call it an auto biography. what have i lived? i don't have that much to tell. but i want to sell books. i have a lot of things to talk about. >> jimmy: you have been through a lot. this journey you've been on is inspiring to millions. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you came in to new york from st. louis and survived. and then you meet people and then sometimes you put on a face
and they don't kill you. >> that's right. >> jimmy: it's inspirational, it really is. >> thank you, thank you. buy the book. >> jimmy: and people can learn to do all that stuff. last thing i want to say, thank you for, you were a part of our "all in the family" revival on abc. >> that's exactly. >> jimmy: and you did a fantastic job. >> i won the lottery. i was so happy. in fact, were you one of the first people i indirectly told about my pregnancy because of that. i thought oh, they need to be aware. >> jimmy: right. >> but it was such an honor. >> jimmy: we wanted to fire you immediately when we heard that, but the lawyers said it was illegal i guess. it will be in the next book. >> yeah, now i have a story to tell. >> jimmy: there's the book called "my squirrel days." we'll be right back with the nationals! ♪ [cheers and applause]
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♪ where is her heart ♪ where is her head ♪ what is she thinkin' ♪ is she sleepin' ♪ come back ♪ they say ♪ where is her head ♪ what is she thinkin' ♪ is she sleepin' ♪ come back, come back the same ♪ ♪ ♪ is she lookin' out ♪ is she standin' out ♪ come back, come back you say ♪ where are her heart ♪ where are her feet ♪ where is her head ♪ come back, come back ♪ is she lookin' out ♪ is she standin' out ♪ where are her hands ♪ where are her heart ♪ where is her head ♪ what is she thinkin' ♪ is she sleepin'
this is "nightline." tonight, modern marriage. gender fluid and free to be. >> in layman terms, it's not man, not woman. all man, all woman. >> actor, author, activist, niko tortorella rejecting labels. now explaining the new rules and roles, even to mom. >> i was okay with everything to the best of my ability, and then i saw the dress. >> plus, hottest style. ♪ that's what makes you beautiful ♪ >> taking one direction in a new direction. the former waitress