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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 28, 2019 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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morning news tomorrow at 4:30. >> on jimmy kimmel, arnold schwarzenegger. >> have a good night. we'll see you tomorrow. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- arnold schwarzenegger. from "dolemite is my name," luenell. nick offerman. and music from kesha featuring big freedia. and now, back in action, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. hey, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. that's very nice. i'm glad you're here. thank you for joining us. [ cheers and applause ] it was a pretty miserable day here in los angeles. we had another wildfire. it broke out in the middle of the night last night. thousands of people had to be
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evacuated from their homes. even lebron james had to flee his home. he went on twitter, he wrote, "man, these l.a. fires are no joke. had to ernlmergence evacuate my house and i've been driving around with my family trying to get rooms. no luck so far." lebron found a place. i feel like lebron could have knocked on any door in l.a. yeah, sure. stay for taco tuesday. [ cheers and applause ] but we send our best to those displaced by the fires here and up north. this has become an annual tradition. every october we troofl brooklyn. when we come back, the whole place is on fire. [ laughter ] this is our first show home after a week lopg residency at the brooklyn academy of music last week. and i love l.a., i do, but it was nice to go all week without seeing a dog in a purse. [ laughter ] it really was. guillermo, you had fun in brooklyn, right? >> guillermo: yeah, a lot of fun, jimmy. >> jimmy: how much -- did you weigh yourself when you got home? >> guillermo: not yet. i'm afraid. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you have any
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guesses as to how much you gained? >> guillermo: maybe six, seven pounds. >> jimmy: yeah. >> guillermo: easy. >> jimmy: we're like a couple of pinatas running around brooklyn. president trump took a little field trip last night to game 5 of the world series between the astros and washington nationals in d.c. this was his first appearance at a baseball game since taking office. and take a look at this time and vision moment because -- now, look at -- watch how happy he is when he notices he's on screen. there i am. [ laughter ] and now keep going. [ boos ] and then the boos come in. and you watch him. you know, it's -- [ cheers and applause ] fake boos is what it is. usually to get booed that much at a sporting event in washington, d.c. you have to play for the redskins. but somehow -- [ laughter ] i guess the orange skins qualify as well. [ laughter ] it was not a friendly crowd for
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trump. there were a number of "impeach" signs in the crowd, and fans even broke into their own version of one of his favorite chants. [ crowd chanting "lock him up" ] [ cheers and applause ] you know he's going to be throwing himself a big rally in alabama after that to make him feel great again. [ laughter ] but it was a better weekend than most of them for the president. we knew something was up on saturday night when he posted this cryptic message. "something very big has just happened." and of course we were all wondering what could this be? was kid rock named secretary of state? did pop i.c.e. come out wieye'sw type of chicken sandwich? the suspense was almost unbearable. then sunday morning just as the morning news shows went on the air trump announced that u.s. special forces had killed the leader of isis, the world's most wanted terrorist, abu bakr al baghdadi is bag-deady now.
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and they got him during a raid in syria. president trump was reportedly golfing when they went in. the raid started at 3:30 p.m. according to his schedule trump was playing golf at his course in northern virginia saturday until a little after 3:00. didn't make it back to the white house until 4:18. but here's my bet on that. i don't know, but there's no way the military told him what day this raid was happening, right? because he immediately would have tweeted "guess what's going on." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i think -- and this is just a guess, but i think he okayed the idea of a raid and they started it without him. the same way you don't tell grandpa about a surprise party. [ laughter ] either way the white house released this photo. this photo was taken at 5:05, about an hour and a half after the raid started. you can see here the president and his team watching, or pretending to watch from the situation room. which is a mess, by the way. their next mission should be to send marie kondo in there to
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straighten those cables up. [ applause ] sought next mo so the next morning after they got the guy you know he was so happy. a triumphant president addressed the nation to share this very good news. in a surprisingly tasteful and dare i say presidential way. >> baghdadi and the losers who worked for him, and losers they are, they had no idea what they were getting into. in some cases they were very frightened puppies. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, he's killing puppies now? because -- >> he died like a dog. he died like a coward. he was whimpering, screaming and crying. >> jimmy: he died like a dog. what does that even mean he died like a dog? he accidentally ate one of those giant size hershey bars? what happened? [ laughter ] this stuff about crying and whimpering is an unusually specific detail for a president to share. so a reporter followed up to ask
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how specifically he knew that. >> you mentioned whimpering. could you hear that on your video hookup? the whimpering of baghdadi. >> i don't want to talk about it. but he was screaming, crying, and whimpering. >> jimmy: okay. maybe he imagined that. i don't know. the defense secretary and the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff said they didn't hea whimpering. maybe he was hearing mike pence whimpering in the corner? is that possible? the president was all over the place. he was in full brag-dadi mode. he even went so far as to compare the terrorist to himself. >> you know, these people are very smart. they're not into the use of cell phones anymore. they're not -- they're very technically brilliant. you know, they use the internet better than almost anybody in the world, perhaps other than donald trump. >> jimmy: if you're keeping score the top two users of the internet are number one donald trump and number two, isis.
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[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] maybe we do need to lock him up. trump went on to say he's had his sights set on al baghdadi for some time now which is why he was so excited to get this done. >> i've been looking at this for three years. they've come in, "sir, we have somebody under" -- i said i don't want somebody. i want al-baghdadi. that's the one i want. they say well, we have somebody else. i said, that's great, fine. take him out. but i want al-baghdadi. that's who i want. i don't want other people. and then i also wanted hamza. bin laden. because he's a young man, around 30, looks just like his father, tall, very handsome. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's as if he's booking a new season of the "celebrity apprentice." [ laughter ] he's a lot like his father. tall, very -- and by the way, before he takes too much credit
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for this, donald trump should probably read these tweets from someone named donald trump who in 2012 tweeted, "obama deserves much less credit for the killing of bin laden. the praise goes to our brave military intelligence officers. why don't we ask the navy s.e.a.l.s who killed bin laden? they don't seem to be happy with obama claiming credit. all he did was say okay. and stop congratulating obama for killing osama bin laden. the navy s.e.a.l.s killed bin laden." see, there's no one better at using the internet than him. [ cheers and applause ] you think he even -- you think he even knows he wrote that stuff? by the way, when obama went on tv to nuance they killed bin laden, he spoke for 9 1/2 minutes. trump yesterday did 48 minutes on this. for further comparison we thought it might be fun to match up trump's speech about al-baghdadi with obama's about bin laden and we were right. it was. >> the united states has
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conducted an operation that killed osama bin laden. >> abu bakr al-baghdadi is dead. >> the united states launched a targeted operation against that compound. >> they did a lot of shooting and they did a lot of blasting. even not going through the front door. you know, you'd think you go through the door. if you're a normal person, you say knock knock, may i come in? >> after a firefight they killed osama bin laden and took custody of his body. >> he died like a dog. >> but his death does not mark the end of our effort. >> a beautiful dog. a talented dog. >> we give thanks for the men who carried out this operation. >> and i don't get any credit for this, but that's okay. i never do. but here we are. >> may god bless you and may god bless the united states of america. >> and i'm writing a book. i'm going to write 12 books. all did very well.
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[ cheers and applause ] we have a powerful show for you tonight. the terminator himself arnold schwarzenegger is here. [ cheers and applause ] from "my name is dole mite" luenell is with us. and we have music from kesha. but first, before this major parade of stars it's time for a brand new edition of "three ridiculous questions with nick offerman." ♪ [ applause ] >> what advice would you give an aspiring hip-hop star? >> enunciate. >> enunciate. >> yeah. that's always my thing. you know, you go to all the trouble of writing this incredible poetry and spitting it to your rhymes and beats that you've created. i want to understand what the hell you're saying.
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>> jimmy: if you had a tail, would you have it removed or would you just adapt your pants to suit it? >> it seems like a pretty bad-ass thing. i'm thinking about taking that into auditions. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and just casually perform some dialogue and then flourish my tail at the end of the line. >> jimmy: yeah. >> keep the tail. wear a lot of kilts. >> jimmy: okay. of all the people in your life, and i want you to think this through, who is the most likely to be attacked by a bear? >> probably my uncle don. he's pretty heroic. uncle don has the ability to -- if he breaks down hauling a wagon of corn on the road, he's got everything in the truck to like fabricate a new tongue for the wagon. he just is really mechanically gifted. >> jimmy: i didn't even know wagons had tongues. >> yeah. that's the front part that hooks on to the hitch on the back of
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your pickup truck. >> jimmy: you know what? to the tongue of a wagon. >> to the wagon tongue. >> lagavoo lichlt n the offerman edition. the answer to all life's ridiculous questions. >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by do doordash. grilled steak. clam bake. milkshake. brussels sprout. sauerkraut. fresh-caught trout. alfalfa sprout. curry. fried turkey. mcflurry. (mcdonald's) cacciatori. chimichurri. ad-lib: (inhale) spiral ham. blackberry jam. rack of lamb. candied yams. pokes. smokeys. gnocchis. and them banging raviolis. we are america's kitchen. doordash. every flavor welcome. and take an extra 25% off. everything for fall like jackets, boots, sweaters and more! plus - take an extra 20% off!... plus - save even more on cuddl duds... plus - free amazon returns now at all kohl's stores! stack the savings!... right now - at kohl's.
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oh. look. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight, she's a very funny woman. you can see her every sunday at jimmy kimmel's comedy club in las vegas. from "dolemite is my name" on netflix, luenell is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and then -- this is her forthcoming album. it's called "high road." kesha with big freedia from the mercedes-benz outdoor stage.
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[ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, ewan mcgregor and linda hamilton will be with us, with music from caamp. and later this week, rob lowe, antonio banderas, mackenzie davis, natalia reyes, plus music from big boi, sleepy brown and ceelo green. so please join us for each and every one of those shows. and by the way, if you want to assist those affected by the california wildfires, which would be a good thing to do, a good way to do it is to go to at the address below and they will do very good things with that money. our first guest is a five-time mr. universe, 2-term governor of california and danny devito's twin brother. he told us he would be back and he is, in "terminator: dark fate," it opens in theaters friday. please welcome arnold schwarzenegger. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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how are you? i have to say -- [ cheers and applause ] -- that -- >> very nice. >> jimmy: i'm very impressed that you're here because you had to be evacuated from your home last night, correct? >> yeah, but that's nothing for an action hero. come on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's true. >> that's a piece of cake. i mean, i'm a positive person. i tell you that i'm happy my house hasn't burned down. >> jimmy: i'm sure you are. >> and i'm sure you too. you were evacuated >> jimmy: no. my brother was but i live in a different part of town. are you disappointed? [ laughter ] >> yeah, i am disappointed now. >> jimmy: no, i just drove in regular. so you have a lot of animals, right? >> yeah. i have a pony, a miniature pony. i have two dogs. yeah, there's a lot of activity up there. >> jimmy: what do you do with the pony? throw that in the trunk? or how does that go? do you ride the pony out?
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[ laughter ] >> we send it to sleeping camp, overnight sleeping camp. >> jimmy: a sleepaway cam sp. >> that's right. >> jimmy: a sleeping camp doesn't sound so good. >> no? >> jimmy: well, you put a dog to sleep, you -- >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i just want to make it clear you did not euthanize your pony. >> i've only been in america for 51 years. give me a break. >> jimmy: how is it possible that your accent has not subsided even to the slightest degree? [ laughter ] you maintain this accent. how can that be? >> i think it has to do that i'm hanging out with sly every so often. >> jimmy: sly stallone? >> absolutely, yes. >> jimmy: i want to ask you about sly. but i want to ask you a couple more things. you were governor of the state. and you had a lot of this sort of thing to deal with. what was the biggest emergency situation you that presided over when you were governor? >> well, one time -- first of
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all, you're absolutely right. fires happen all the time. and i think that during my administration we have seen because of climate change and other things the fires increased. there was no more fire season. it was kind of all year round, like as you can see. this is very unusual, they have in october such huge fires. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> so they are not only in southern california but they're in northern california. they're all over the place. and when i was governor, there was one time i went to bed and they said there's 500 fires all over california. and that was like -- i couldn't sleep the whole night. i was up thinking to myself how do you handle this and what do you do about it? how do you have the resources for all, this different places and all this? and then in the morning i get up and i make a call and they tell me there's now 2,012 fires all over california. >> jimmy: wow. >> just to think -- to show you the si of it all. it's so overwhelming you that really have to kind of pull your act together and get in -- the national guard was helping. everyone was helping. the federal government was helping. the local firefighters. and we have one big advantage
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here in california when it comes to those kind of events, and that is we have the greatest firefighters in the world, bar none. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have great firefighters. we do. and they seem to coordinate very well. >> yeah. we need more resources, though. it was very clear that as we increased in the amount of fires that we need more airplanes, you know, to dump fire retardant. we need more helicopters, more sophisticated helicopters. not just the hueys from the vietnam war. we needed the blackhawk helicopters so they can fly at night and dump water at night, which is very important because right now we still don't have the ability of really dumping at night. so we have to wait until the morning. >> jimmy: do you agree with the president that if we raked the forest more frequently that we would not have fires here? >> well, there's not that many things that i agree with him on. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: in happier news i want to congratulate you. you got a pretty great guy
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joining your family. chris pratt married your daughter, katherine, which is -- [ cheers and applause ] i would assume something you were very happy about. >> yeah, i don't know if -- the thing is that first of all, i'm really happy that he is such a great guy. >> jimmy: yes. >> not only very talented guy and a great actor and a great star and all this stuff but a really kind man and kind to my daughter, which is the most important thing for me. but i was like blown away when my daughter was telling me that she's going out with him because i was saying do you have to be so competitive? do you have to have a guy that is taller than me, that is bigger than me, that's doing bigger movies than me and all of this kind of stuff, that makes more money than me? what is going on here? [ laughter ] so i think it was really wild. i mean, to have all of a sudden this guy in the family. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but like i said, he's a really nice guy and he's very talented. i get along with him very well.
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and of course the first thing when we met, he says, can we ever work out together? i need to have the inside scoop to pumping iron. >> jimmy: right. and did that happen? >> i took him to the gym and we worked out. >> jimmy: were you impressed? was that part of how you decided whether he could be a part of your family or not? watching him work out? >> that -- pumping iron was the decision-making factor. [ laughter ] absolutely, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] we were in the gym. >> jimmy: who benches more, you or chris pratt? >> you know, i really don't know because i haven't bench pressed for a while because my shoulders are kind of injured. >> jimmy: i see. >> but he's a strong guy, there's no two ways about it, and i'm very proud of him. and like i just said, when i watched him make these moves in the gym, you know, the incline press specifically did it. >> jimmy: oh. >> why i wanted him to become my son-in-law. it was the incline press. >> jimmy: that's what always gets you, the incline press. >> absolutely. the incline press, yeah. that does it. >> jimmy: did he ask you for
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permission to take your daughter's hand in marriage? >> absolutely, yeah. in a very traditional way. >> jimmy: that's good. you need that, right? >> very good. >> jimmy: that's essential. >> absolutely essential. >> jimmy: did he invite you to the bachelor party? >> no. >> jimmy: he did not? [ laughter ] >> he did not, no. >> jimmy: it would have been more fun if you were there, though, i bet. >> i would have really made sure that everything is cool there. [ laughter ] i didn't want his bachelor party toned up like my bachelor party. >> jimmy: what was your bachelor party like? >> it was wild. it was with animals and -- >> jimmy: oh, my god. [ laughter ] >> they brought in sheep and garter belts and stuff like that. and it was not pretty. i wouldn't wish it on any kind of son-in-law. >> jimmy: that pony must be nervous up there at the house. [ cheers and applause ] >> you're absolutely right. >> jimmy: you mentioned sylvester stallone. and i want to ask you a story i heard about sylvester stallone. is it true that you tricked
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sylvester stallone, who is -- is he a friend and a rival or just a rival? >> no, no. in the '80s he was just a rival. >> jimmy: just a rival. >> it was just competition. it was all about who is making bigger movies, who has more definition in their muscles, who has more box office success, who kills more people. [ laughter ] who kills people more creatively. who has bigger knives. who has bigger guns. in the end i started running around with machine guns that were only used for helicopters, mounting on helicopters or on tanks. it was crazy. it was all-out war. >> jimmy: so the story goes that you somehow tricked him into making a very bad movie. >> yes. >> jimmy: and is that true? >> yes. whether it's part of the -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how in the world -- how did you manage to do that? how did you pull that off? >> well, because they came to me
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because hollywood knew that i was wanting to get out of just doing action movies and do comedies. that's why i did then "twins" and "kindergarten cop" and movies like that. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. so they came to me with this other movie and -- i forgot nowf what it was called. >> jimmy: "stop or my mom will shoot." >> that's right. i read the script and it was a piece of [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] i said to myself i'm not going to do this movie. so then they went to sly and then sly called me and he says, hey, have they ever talked to you about this movie? and i said yes. i was thinking about doing it. [ laughter ] i said this is a really brilliant idea, this movie. and so when he heard that because he was in competition he immediately called them and says, look, whatever it takes, i do the movie. [ laughter ] so he did the movie. of course the movie went major into the toilet. major. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you are a diabolical
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man. arnold schwarzenegger is here. his movie is "terminator: dark fate." we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. with the cooking. she wantp but she wanted someone who loves cats. so, we got griswalda. dinner's almost ready. but one thing we could both agree on was getting geico to help with our renters insurance. yeah, switching and saving was really easy! drink it all up. good! could have used a little salt. visit and see how easy saving on renters insurance can be. (kermit) fozzie! you're on my tv! (fozzie) kermit!
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(fozzie) and you're on my tv! (dr. teeth) and i'm on both your tvs. (miss piggy) and of course, moi is on tv. (statler & waldorf) nobody cares! hahaha! (dr. teeth) woah woah woah. how are we all on each other's tvs? (animal) me on tv! (fozzie) oh i believe i have the answer. you see... (miss piggy) the thing on the tv is a portal tv and it lets you video call... (all) on your tv! (dr. teeth) ah! (animal) me on tv! hahahaha! (fozzie vo) portal. from facebook.
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[ gunfire ] ♪ >> jimmy: that is arnold schwarzenegger and "terminator: dark fate." it opens in theaters on friday. that looks good. >> boom! >> jimmy: did you do that? you slammed him to the ground like that? >> i had to. [ laughter ] this was a very successful machine, i can tell you that. i mean, its abilities -- it's called the rev 9. its abilities are much better than the t-800, than i am. >> jimmy: right. >> so it really took a lot of kind of action to, you know, kind of confront this kind of
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monster. >> jimmy: one of the things i love you guys did is ts is the first tame tiime you and james n and linda hamilton have worked together since t-2. you just ignored the other movies in the middle and picked this one up as the third. >> well, i didn't. [ laughter ] i did "terminator 3" and "terminator 5." the other one i didn't do because i was governor. but it deals with the time travel, it deals with the future, with the past and the present and action. you know, i think there are certain people like linda hamilton and jim cameron, they feel very strongly that this is now the sequel to the number 2. so let them have it. >> jimmy: okay. >> i'm not going to argue with them. [ applause ] >> jimmy: why would you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: another thing. i want to ask you about t-800. there's a story that you've told that the original choice, the actor who was going to play
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t-800 was o.j. simpson. >> right. >> jimmy: now -- which is crazy just to start with. >> but the interesting thing about it is they then chose me because they felt that o.j. didn't look enough of a killing machine. [ laughter ] figure. >> jimmy: hollywood. >> but here's the interesting thing. here's the interesting thing. now because of what happened with o.j. -- >> jimmy: wait, what happened? [ laughter ] did something happen to o.j.? >> so because of what happened they now deny that they ever had o.j. in mind in the first place. can you believe that? >> jimmy: that's what i wanted to ask. jim cameron said this weekend-e said let me correct that right now, arnold is literally just wrong, i know it's hard to imagine, you don't argue with arnold. o.j. simpson was never in the mix at all. that was rejected out of hand before it even got any traction.
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there's no o.j. under -- he said you have a painting painted by jim cameron and you said that o.j.'s head is under your head, he painted your head over? >> yeah. but i don't want to scrape my face off. to prove it that i'm right. look, let's assume for a second he's right, that he didn't get enough traction. that's the point i'm making. it didn't get enough traction because he was not believable enough as a killing machine. so they said let's get schnitzel from austria. he can pull it off. so that's it. and it was the biggest career changer for me. it was the biggest career booster. it was fantastic working with jim cameron and with linda hamilton in the first one, in the second one. and now in this one. jim cameron created the story. he did a fantastic job. and you know, he's a very close friend of mine. i respect him highly. he's a prophet extraordinary director. and also tim miller, who
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directed not this one is also a fantastic director that has the ability of pulling off, you know, the action and the visual effects. and it's very important. >> jimmy: the action and visual effects all very important. but the thing you probably more than any other actor are famous for is like a catchphrase, a line from the movie, sometimes two, sometimes three lines from a movie that become part of the english language, basically. >> right. >> jimmy: so what i would like to ask you is this. we've got a bowl. and in the bowl are a bunch of famous lines from other famous movies, movies you were not in. [ laughter ] >> what? >> jimmy: you were not in. but i would love you to go through the bowl, pull out some of these lines, you translate them into arnoldese and do them as you would have done them were you in these films. >> all right. >> jimmy: yes? so grab one and then if you could just look right at that
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camera and read it in -- okay. >> say hello to my little friend. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. i love it already. ♪ >> toto, i have a feeling that we are not in kansas anymore. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ no one puts baby in a corner. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you want to do one more? give us one more. >> sure. it's actually a funny game. >> jimmy: this could be -- >> we are having a really good time. yippee ki-yay, mother [ bleep ].
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: arnold schwarzenegger, everybody. "terminator: dark fate" opens in theaters friday. we'll be right back with luenell. ity- it ignites our imagination. in search of inspiration and daring new ideas. at lexus our greatest curiosity isn't a machine? it's you. experience the rewards of our curiosity. ♪ find something incredible, from somewhere amazing. unique selection, unbelievable prices. homegoods. go finding. homegoods. what's the time? device: a dime is ten cents. severe cold or flu? take control with theraflu.
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>> dicky: this week on "jimmy kimmel live" rob lowe.
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antonio banderas. linda hamilton. natalia reyes. mackenzie davis. and ewan mcgregor. plus music from caamp, and big boi and sleepy brown featuring ceelo green. that's this week on "jimmy kimmel live." me. the thought of my symptoms returning was keeping me from being there for the people and things i love most. so, i talked to my doctor and learned humira can help get, and keep, uc under control when other medications haven't worked well enough. and it helps people achieve control that lasts so you could experience few or no symptoms. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b,
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>> jimmy: we're back. still to come music from kesha. our next guest is known as the original bad girl of comedy. you can see her live every sunday night at the beautifully-named jimmy kimmel's comedy club in vegas and in the new eddie murphy movie "dolemite is my name." >> i need you to loan me some money so i can get some new equipment. >> no. >> you're a rich woman. >> i'm not rich. what made you think i'm rich? >> what happened to all that money you made when you fell off that bus? >> that is my money to do what i want to and i've only got $250. >> that is exactly how much i need to be a star. come on, woman. loan me the money. >> i've got my coat on layaway. >> she going to give me the money. >> because you about to cut off my air supply.
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>> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "dolemite is my name" is on netflix now. please say hello to luenell! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? it's great to have you here. it's great to meet you. we've not -- this is our first time meeting. >> yes, it is. in person. >> jimmy: yes. >> but i've met you a lot of times in my dreams. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, thank you. you -- by the way, i love this dress. it's spectacular. your nails are beautiful as well. how do you do things with these nails? [ laughter ] >> i don't do anything.
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>> jimmy: what do you mean you don't do anything? >> i mean, what do you think i need to do? >> jimmy: i don't know. texting or whatever. >> i use a stylus mostly for texting. but i can do it with my fingertip but it gives me a cram np my masturbation hand. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. >> so i choose not to do that. what else do you think i need to do? >> jimmy: i don't know. driving or something. >> i have my -- hey, rainer. i've got rainer to do all that. >> jimmy: i see. you've got a house worker and everything. >> shout out to my brothers and sisters. hey larry, hey harry, hey chester, hay roger, hey sherry, hey ernestine, i made it [ bleep ]! yeah! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, you have. you were very funny in "dolemite." and you knew rudy ray moore who did dolemite as the character. how did you know him?
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>> well, we -- i was going to saying something but we worked together several times back in the portland and tacoma area. [ cheers ] no. no. [ laughter ] and we actually have a love child that we put up for adoption. >> jimmy: wow. that is shocking. >> yeah. >> jimmy: a little dolemite baby. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you worked together i assume? >> yeah, we worked together. we used to hang out -- actually i worked with him about five times. he used to call me nell. nell? nell! like that. pull up my socked fs for me! that led to the affair -- >> jimmy: yes. once you touch a man's socks there's going back. >> not after the socks. >> jimmy: you've had a remarkable career and life. i learned this about you today. >> what did you learn? >> jimmy: i learned you robbed a bank is what i learned.
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[ cheers and applause ] is that an accurate way of putting it, that you robbed a bank? >> i'm only able to speak about this because i'm not on probation any longer. >> jimmy: very good. >> i was the original "set it off." but i was a smart criminal. i didn't have a crime partner. i did my job solo. >> jimmy: no getaway car, no -- >> no. age the type of check. i will a very extensive background in banking before i got into all this entertainment stuff. i worked at the old sumitomo bank and first interstate and all that that ain't around no more because of chicks like me. [ laughter ] and i was just not cool with -- i've never been addicted to anything. i recreationally use everything. [ laughter ] but i'm not addicted to anything but money. you can't work me for two weeks
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and give me a check for $250 and let me loose in the vault. [ laughter ] but i paid my debt to society. >> jimmy: you took cash out of a vault? >> and put it right here in these -- [ laughter ] i didn't even steal it to like help a relative with a kidney transplant or something. i just took it. [ laughter ] and i mess td all off. i even did [ bleep ] with people like my parents that i never did nice stuff for before. i got them a suite in long beach right down the street from the bank that i robbed. and [ laughter ] i paid for their dinner and valet. they should have known something was wrong because i'd never been able to do a damn thing for them. >> jimmy: but you obviously bounced back. and i think the first thing i ever saw you in was "borat," was
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that movie. [ cheers and applause ] for those who haven't seen it in a while, you're part of a hilarious scene. give us a refresher of your character and what was going on in that -- >> well, you know, i tried to watch it again about a couple weeks ago and i got five minutes in i was like, i can't. >> jimmy: because it's uncomfortable. >> i'm traumatized. i'm very traumatized. because i played, you know, a hooker. right? >> jimmy: yes. >> i was running around with this stinky foreign guy. right? because sacha wore the same suit the entire time that he filmed the movie. >> jimmy: okay. >> so it was stinky like they didn't spray it, it stunk for real. [ laughter ] and you don't do stuff like go to -- you know, country line dancing people are very serious about their craft. >> jimmy: oh, yes. >> and they don't take kindly to a stinky foreigner and a hooker, black hooker coming in and going in opposite directions and messing up -- i was like no, i
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don't want -- they're going to kill me. everything we did i didn't want to do. >> jimmy: but he loves being in uncomfortable situations. >> but i'm black. you don't like being in uncomfortable situations. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: finally i do want to mention what i mentioned before 37 every sunday night you are at my comedy club in las vegas. >> and every saturday you come to see them white boys and you never come to see me. >> jimmy: i will come to see you. >> what do you mean -- arnold got two segments. am i getting ready to go? hell no i'm not going nowhere. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: kesha is canceled. >> no, bring her out. but i ain't going nowhere. >> jimmy: that's luenell, everybody. "dolemite is my name" is on netflix. every sunday night in vegas. we'll be right back with kesha and big freedia. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by the 2019 a-class.
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mercedes-be mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. the more things in your home you make yourself, the more it feels like your home. there's something just really special about putting in our own time, sweat, blood, tears into our home. we're learning how to do these things as we go. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it's really fun. we want to create a place for more people than just ourselves. i'm cándida. i'm jeff. and we're airbnb hosts. ♪
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz.
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the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to arnold schwarzenegger, luenell, apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next but first, this is her album "high road." here with the song "raising hell" with some help from big freedia, kesha! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> please rise. ♪ ooh let's go let's go hallelujah, i'm still here ♪ ♪ still bringin' it to ya oh, like buddha good girls know how to get hard too, ya ♪ ♪ i'm all up in my sunday best no walk of shame 'cause i love this dress ♪ ♪ hungover, heart of gold holy mess doin' my best i'm blessed ♪ ♪ oh, if you couldn't tell we can always find the trouble we don't need no help ♪ ♪ singing oh, mama raised me well but i don't wanna go to heaven ♪ ♪ without raisin' hell get it
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get it drop it down low ♪ ♪ hit it hit the floor with it drop it down low drop it down low ♪ ♪ drop, drop it down low drop it down low get it drop it ♪ ♪ drop it drop it drop, drop, drop it down down low ♪ ♪ witness solo cup full of holy spirits somethin' wicked ♪ ♪ speakin' in tongues in my blood-red lipstick i'm all up in my sunday best ♪ ♪ no walk of shame 'cause i love this dress only god can judge this holy mess ♪ ♪ i'm blessed oh, if you couldn't tell we can always ♪ ♪ find the trouble we don't need no help singing oh, mama raised me well ♪ ♪ but i don't wanna go to heaven without raisin' hell ahh ♪ ♪ get it drop it down low hit it hit the floor with it ♪ ♪ drop it down low drop it down low drop drop it down low ♪ ♪ drop it down low get it
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drop it drop it ♪ ♪ drop it drop, drop, drop it down down low bounce it up and ♪ ♪ down where the good lord split it ladies and gentlemen oh ♪ ♪ let's shake what the good lord gave us oh yes, baby ♪ ♪ come on, let's go aw, dang this that uh-huh ♪ ♪ beat like this wanna shake my ooh oh, dang this that ♪ ♪ beat like this wanna shake my ooh aw, dang this that ♪ ♪ beat like this ♪ woo, lord feelin' it beat like this make me feel that power ♪ ♪ oh, if you couldn't tell we can always find the trouble we don't need no help ♪ ♪ singing oh, mama raised me well but i don't wanna go to heaven without ♪ ♪ raisin' hell can i get an amen this is for the misfits of ♪ ♪ you're welcome, ah creation take this as your holy ♪ ♪ validation you don't need to hide your celebratin' this is our salvation ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, state of emergency. hundreds of thousands forced to flee wind-whipped infernos up and down california. >> this is brentwood. homes of multimillion dollars. lebron james among others had to evacuate. >> the powerful and the powerless caught in the crisis. >> the wind picks up, the smell of smoke, it really kicks in the anxiety. >> one family fearing history repeating itself. >> this is the front walk where you guys just walked up. >> now the race against time to wrangle wildfires exploding in size. plus, inside the raid. the most wanted man in the world. >> he died like


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